Lately, I've taken up fanbinding. I haven't posted about it much, because there's a bit of a catch 22 about talking about it:
It's considered Most Egregious to do a fanbind of somebody's work, have a hullabaloo about it, and then *not* tell them.
Yet, it feels weird asking for person about something that you are only gonna make for you and your bookshelf.
Double weird if you are a beginner, and your starting work is naturally wonky and lop-sided
Triple weird if you find out after you are almost done that somebody ELSE did a 10000% times better fanbind than you of the same fic and sent their Super Cool version to the fic author already.
So I may... at some point, make a post about my first fanbind. But after I get over this lil' bit of self-consciousness and after I've shot the author a note about it.
So. ON TO MY SECOND PROJECT. While I felt the need to *start* it without saying narry a word to anyone, I have, now that it's half-way done, started talking to the involved author, artists, etc.
So this will be done... semi-right? idk. Such protocols are not set in stone. I just gotta try to be respectful.
But Gidge... why don't you dodge all these convos and mishaps by just working on your own stories?
So glad you asked. It's because all my stuff is short stories and unfinished work. And I get waaaayyy too hung up on the details of stringing together my own pearls into a necklace.
Not for lack of trying, tho. So in case you lot are curious, here's a sample from a Jem/Tessa compendium I'm typesetting...
And here's one for my Tim/Cassie stories...
Hopefully either of these will become project #4 or #5.
I'm thinking of also making the typesets available for download somewhere. Just wanna be sure I'm happy (and done) with them first.
You know who that slightly confused but wholesome, loving and supportive dad at pride is? Mr. James Carstairs. He doesnt quiet understand all the sexualites and genders but he is completely loving and supportive of everyone and gets very sad and angry when he hears of parents mistreating their LGBTQ+ child. Like does he 100% understand exactly what pansexual is? No. Does he still love, adore and support Kit with all his heart? Absolutely.
THE LOST BOOK OF THE WHITE CONTAINS JEM AND TESSA’s WEDDING “In dreams begin” OMG IM SO EXCITED, WE WILL FIND OUT WHY NO ONE REMEMBERS IT AND AHHHH WE’LL SEE MY DARLING JESSA WE WILL SEE THEM GET MARRIED AT BLACKFRIARS BRIDGE!!!!
“IN DREAMS BEGIN” BEAUTIFUL, OMG MY BABIES IM SO FREAKIN HAPPY RIGHT NOW
I just received the 10th anniversary edition of Clockwork Angel as a gift (I literally started screeching) and let me tell you I am so fucking pissed that books only have one first page and one last page cause they could only put Tessa drawing (obviously, since she is the main character) and one of the two men and they chose Will's (I'm not even that mad cause I have a very very very soft spot for him, but), BUT JEM IS- I MEAN HOW COULD THE INVENTOR OF BOOKS PUT ONLY TWO FUCKING PAGES DEPRIVING JEM OF HIS RIGHT TO BE NEXT TO THEM
Shadowhunters Short Story #69 Brothers are what best friends can never be.
Crossposted to my AO3, link in my bio.
It is a stormy March evening in Devon, 2013, when 15 year old Kit Herondale is pulled from his thoughts by the sound of footsteps entering the kitchen.
Kit lifts his head from where he was resting it against the wall his chair is against, and opens his eyes to see a tired but joyous looking Jem standing a few feet away from him, smiling ear to ear.
“Jem.” Kit scrambles to sit up, setting his mug down on the table beside him. “I-Is everything okay? Are Tessa and the baby okay?” He anxiously asks. Tessa went into labor about 6 hours ago, and Kit hasn’t heard much from she or Jem since. They came into the kitchen a couple of hours ago, with Magnus, so Tessa could get some herbal tea that she said is meant to help labor move faster and be less painful, but since then he hasn’t heard anything.
“Yes everything is absolutely fine, would you like to come meet your sister?” Jem asks in a tone of joy, still beaming with delight. He is so utterly in love with his baby girl, it almost hurts.
Kit nods eagerly, having been looking forward to this moment for almost nine months.
Jem gestures for Kit to follow him. As they walk, Jem turns to Kit with a look of confusion on his face.
“Oh yes I meant to ask you, who were you talking to earlier? Just after Tess, Magnus and I left the kitchen to go upstairs so Tessa could rest.” He asks, remembering hearing Kit’s voice, low and quiet in the kitchen, while Jem helped Tessa up the stairs.
Kit blanches, remembering the conversation he had with Livvy’s ghost, just hours ago. He could tell Jem the truth, but then he’d probably worry and feel like he has to contact Emma to check that everything is okay, and that would distract him from Tessa and the baby.
“Oh um, no one important, I was on the phone with someone I went to school with, we’re not close or anything, just... called them because I was bored.” Kit shrugs, easily coming up with a lie, that seems to satisfy Jem.
“Oh, well I’m glad to hear you have friends and are talking to them!”
A few seconds later Jem leads him into the main bedroom, Jem and Tessa’s room. Jem lets Kit step ahead of him, while he closes the door.
The first thing Kit notices is how nice and warm and cozy the room is, thanks to the fireplace against the wall across from the bed, that’s been lit. The second thing he notices, is Tessa sitting propped up in bed with a mountain of pillows behind her, her hair is disheveled and thrown into a messy bun at the back of her head. She’s wearing a dusty pink hospital gown, that is open at the top, showing a tiny little body curled up against Tessa’s chest, wearing only a diaper and a hat, with a blanket covering her back. Peeking out from the little hat are wisps of curling dark hair.
When she hears the door close, Tessa looks up and her face lights up when she sees Kit and Jem, a warm smile coming across her face.
“Hi sweetheart.” Tessa quietly says in a hoarse voice. “I missed you, come meet your baby sister.”
Carefully, Kit walks the few feet to the bed and lowers himself into a chair by Tessa’s side.
“Hold your arms out, one under the other like you’re making a cradle with your arms.” Tessa calmly says. It takes a few minutes of fumbling and help from Tessa, but soon Kit gets his arms in the right position. Tessa carefully lifts the baby out from inside her gown, wrapping the blanket around her expertly, before carefully laying her in Kit’s arms.
The minute the baby is in his arms, Kit feels an unexplainable overwhelming rush of love, he already loved her before she was born, but looking at her now it’s like falling in love with her all over again. He chokes back tears as his eyes well up and his throat tightens.
“Hi.” He quietly says in a tight voice. “Hi baby sister, I love you.” He briefly looks up from the baby’s face and asks “What’s her name?”
Jem and Tessa share a smile, and Jem slips his hand into hers.
“Wilhelmina Yiqiang Ke Carstairs, Mina for short.” Tessa softly says.
“What does Yiqaing mean?” Kit curiously asks, unfamiliar with Mandarin.
“It means ‘Remembrance’ we chose it for those we’ve lost but will always remember, Will, Lucie, Jamie, Rosemary.” Jem gently says, hoping that this won’t upset Kit in anyway.
“I....” Kit trails off, unsure of how to feel about his baby sister in part being named for his mother, who he has absolutely no memories of. When he thinks about it though, he realizes it’s a beautiful gesture and a perfect way to make sure his mom is never forgotten. “I think she would have liked that.” He finishes, earning warm smiles from Jem and Tessa.
“We think so too, love, we think so too.”
Kit looks back down at his baby sister, Mina, who has now blinked her eyes open to reveal big dark brown eyes just like Jem. She and Kit stare at eachother in fascination for a few seconds, before Mina wriggles her little arm free from her blankets and reaches up to grab onto Kit’s thumb, making him laugh and have to wipe at tears of joy.
“It’s like she’s holding my hand.” He laughs, liking the idea of Mina feeling safe with him and wanting to hold his hand. He’ll be a great big brother to her, and always protect her and keep her safe.
“Of course she is, she’s a very clever young lady and knows already just what a fantastic big brother she has.” Tessa says in a warm tone, making Kit’s heart flutter with delight.
Kit holds Mina for a few more minutes, just looking at her in awe, taking in everything about her. Everything is totally calm and peaceful in the room, until Mina starts to fuss which in seconds turns into full on wails, breaking Kit’s heart right in two and making him panic.
“Oh no! Oh I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to make her cry, I’m sorry!” Kit says in an alarmed and panicked tone, desperately trying to sush Mina and calm her with light bouncing.
“It's alright love.” Tessa calmly says, placing a calming hand on Kit’s arm. “You didn’t do anything wrong she’s just hungry, here let me take her.” Tessa reaches over and carefully lifts Mina into her own arms. She single handedly and quickly adjusts her gown before guiding Mina to her chest, helping her to latch on.
As Tessa nurses Mina, Kit flushes and awkwardly tries to find somewhere to look. He has nothing against breastfeeding of course, he doesn’t care if someone does it in front of him, but it’s a bit different when it’s Tessa, the woman who took him in and promised to love and raise him for the rest of his life, the only mother he has.
Jem immediately notices how embarrassed and awkward Kit feels and decides to intervene.
“Kit.” He says. “Do you want to join me downstairs for dinner? Magnus left enough food for us for the next week or so.” Kit immediately nods.
“Yes please!”
“Alright let's go, see you later my loves.” Jem softly says, stroking Mina’s hair and giving Tessa a quick peck on the lips.
“See you later.” Tessa replies, watching fondly as Jem and Kit leave the room, Jem telling Kit awful dad jokes and making him laugh, which makes Tessa’s heart lift. Once the boys are gone, she looks back down at Mina and smiles softly “We’re very lucky to have them Mina, aren’t we?”
The next day, at around 10:00 A.M. there is a light knock at Tessa and Jem’s bedroom door.
“Come in!” Jem calls, keeping a careful eye on Church, who has cautiously approached Mina, lying in Tessa’s arms, and is clearly trying to decide what he thinks of the new baby.
The door opens and Kit steps in, looking sheepish.
“Hello love.” Tessa beams, delighted to see Kit.
“Everything okay son?” Jem asks in a worried tone, afraid that maybe something is wrong with Kit.
“Oh yeah everything’s fine I just....” Kit clears his throat. “I um... I was just wondering if you need any help with Mina or anything, I’m not doing anything so... I thought I’d come see if you need some help.” He nervously tells them, afraid that they’ll say no and send him off to be on his own all day while they bond with Mina. He really wants to spend some time with Jem, Tessa and Mina but will they want to spend time with him?
“That would be lovely Kit, thank you.” Jem warmly says. Kit’s shoulders sag in relief and he starts to relax again.
“You can come over here and hold Mina for a while if you like, I’m going to have my first postpartum shower which can take anywhere from 10 minutes to about an hour.” Tessa lightly says, remembering her first postpartum baths after James and Lucie were born. She had been terrified of getting out of bed at all after James was born, nevermind bathing, but Jem was waiting right outside if she needed any medical assistance and Will was with her, while Charlotte and Henry watched Jamie.
Kit laughs as he takes a seat on the bed next to Tessa, and she lowers Mina into his arms when he is settled back against the pillows.
“Did it hurt?” Kit curiously asks, looking up at Tessa.
“Giving birth?” She asks. Kit nods. “It did, like hell, all 3 times, but it’s more than worth it, just like what we went through to find you and going through the adoption process is worth it, to have my babies.” Tessa fondly says, brushing Kit’s hair out of his eyes.
Shortly after he moved to Devon with Tessa and Jem, they approached him about legally adopting him, assuring him he can keep his surname and doesn’t have to take the name Carstairs if he doesn’t want to, but they would very much like to legally and officially adopt him. Kit thought about it for a while before agreeing, the process is long and stressful and still not fully complete, but it’s more than worth it to Tessa and Jem, to have their Kit.
Kit smiles and blushes and Tessa kisses his cheek before ducking to kiss Mina on the cheek too. “I love you.”
Tessa then stands up, grabs her towel, bathrobe and toiletries bag and heads into the ensuite bathroom for her shower.
“I was looking through social media yesterday, after you set me up on Facebook so I can stay in touch with Emma easier. I saw this group on there for new fathers, and decided to join, thinking it would be full of advice and tips on how to care for baby and handle your anxieties and take care of your partner if you have one, stuff like that. Instead I found the most awful people complaining about their wives and babies, mostly talking about how seeing their wife give birth and seeing her postpartum has totally turned them off and they feel cheated, one phrase I saw over and over again was ‘It’s like watching your favorite pub burn down’.
I just cannot believe how disrespectful and horrendous these men are, their wives have just gone through 9 months of pregnancy followed by labroing and giving birth, and all they can do is whine and complain that 2 weeks postpartum she hasn’t lost the weight she gained and is still wearing pajamas or comfy clothes most days.
I don’t understand it, I delivered James, I delivered Lucie and I delivered Mina, I was Tessa’s primary caregiver when she was pregnant with James and when she was pregnant with Lucie, I’ve been by her side every second of this pregnancy and I’ve seen her postpartum 3 times now, and to me she always seems even more glorious and beautiful after having a baby, because she’s just gone through so, so much to bring a whole new life into this world, she’s just grown an entire other person, she’s like a goddess.
I don’t understand it, how can anyone say those things about their wives? I couldn’t love Tessa more, whether she’s pregnant or not, whether she’s just had a baby or not. I just... I don’t understand it.”
Kit is totally unsure of what to say after Jem finishes talking. He totally agrees with him, that the way some men talk about their wives after she’s given birth is absolutely disgusting, but he doesn’t know what to say to Jem.
“I... uh... I agree?” He tries, not wanting to just ignore Jem. Jem turns to him and smiles softly, before reaching over and ruffling his hair affectionately.
“Sorry Kit, I didn’t mean to rant to you, it’s just when I was young, when someone had just given birth, they took weeks, even months, to bond with the baby and heal from the birth, there were no expectations to ‘bounce back’ or anything, I’m just still trying to adjust to modern life and modern people. But at least I have you eh? You keep me up to date.”
“I try, it’s my life mission to get you to stop saying ‘Order it offline’.” Kit grins. Jem chuckles.
“You’re a good boy my Kit, I’m so glad you’re here with us.”
About 20 minutes later Tessa comes out of the bathroom in a clean pair of pyjamas, her yellow bathrobe thrown on over her pink pajamas, and her wait hair tied into a bun at the back of her head.
“You made it!” Kit cheers, grinning at Tessa as she sits next to him on the bed. She grins and kisses his cheek.
“That I did, and now it’s miss Mina’s turn to get changed, your Uncle Magnus gave us the most adorable clothes for you Mina, and I can’t wait to see you in them.” Tessa coos, taking Mina as Kit carefully passes her to her, before laying her down on the bed, just in front of her.
From the basket on the floor beside her, Tessa takes out a plain pink baby-gro/onsie, that has a hood, and pockets at the front.
“That’s pretty tame for Magnus’ standards.” Kit notes.
“I know, I think Alec picked this one out and it’s just so adorable!” Tesa exclaims, beginning to unbutton the yellow onsie with pink flowers that Mina is currently wearing.
Kit watches in fascination as Tessa carefully and expertly slips Mina’s tiny arms out of her onsie and does the same with her legs. He can’t help but be fascinated by how small and tiny and delicate Mina is. She’s the smallest person he’s ever met, and so fragile too, he would be terrified if he were in Tessa’s position.
“Aren’t you afraid you’ll accidentally hurt her or break her, because she’s so small and delicate?” Kit asks Tessa, who laughs lightly as she starts to put the new onsie on Mina.
“I was when I had Jamie, Will and I both, but after having James and then Lucie and then helping out with my grandchildren and many, many other little ones, I’ve become an expert in handling delicate little babies.” Tessa explains. She then lifts a freshly dressed Mina up (once again shocking Kit with her confidence) and holds her so they’re face to face. Tessa’s smile grows and she leans in to kiss Mina’s cheek. “There we go, pretty baby! The sweetest, cutest baby in the world, huh?”
“You should take a family photo with the kids Tess, the same way you took a photo of you and Jamie after he was born, and then you Jamie and Lucie after Lucie was born.” Jem suggests, knowing how much having pictures to remember these moments by, means a lot to Tessa.
“Oh yes that sounds like a lovely idea! Is it okay with you, Kit?” Tessa asks, laying a hand on his arm. Kit finds it kind of hard to believe that Tessa wants to take a picture with him, he still finds it hard to believe that she loves him as if he’s her own, and Jem does too, but he’s not about to say no.
“Sure, sounds like a good idea.” Kit agrees.
A few minutes later, after a bit of fussing from Mina, Jem snaps a series of pictures of Tessa, Kit and Mina. In the picture Tessa is sitting up in bed with Mina cradled in one arm, and the other around Kit, who is leaning into her and smiling shyly. It’s definitely one of Jem’s favorite pictures.
“It’s perfect.” Tessa says when Jem shows her the photo. “We’ll get it framed and hung up beside the pictures of me and Lucie and Jamie, as soon as we can.”
“Sounds perfect.” Jem agrees. “I better go make a start on breakfast, I’ll bring you up a tray of course, love. Kit would you like to stay in here and have breakfast with us?” Jem asks. Kit nods, there’s nothing he’d love more, actually.
“Yes please.” He says, settling back against the pillows, beside Tessa and Mina, feeling truly safe, and loved and happy for one of the first times in his life.
*1 YEAR LATER*
It is a hot and humid day in March of 2014, when Jem, Tessa, Kit and Mina step out of the portal and onto the streets of Shanghai, just outside the Ke House, where they will be staying for the duration of their first family vacation.
They’ve been planning this trip since Mina was 6 months old, and agreed that the best time to come would be just after Mina’s first birthday, she would be able to handle the heat and humidity better now as a one year old, than she would have done as a much smaller baby, and Kit is truly settled and content with them now and feels comfortable enough to go on vacation.
“Is this where you lived before you moved to London, dad?” Kit curiously asks, having taken to calling Jem and Tessa mom and dad over the last few months, which they both love.
“For a year or so, I was born here, lived here till I was about 1 and then my parents were put in charge of running the Institute which is where I lived until I went to London.” Jem informs him.
“Cool.” Kit says, looking up at the building in front of him, in awe.
“Come on, let's go find our rooms and get settled in, then I’ll introduce you to everyone.” Jem says, as Tessa sets a wriggling Mina down.
“Mina.” Kit says with a sly grin. “Wanna race?” Mina has been walking since she was 9 months old, and now loves to run everywhere, especially when she gets to race Kit who of course always lets her win.
“Uh-hu!” Mina nods enthusiastically.
“Okay come on let's go, or I’m gonna get the biggest room!” Kit declares, taking off at a slow pace so that Mina can easily pass him by.
Jem chuckles and kisses Tessa’s cheek before going ahead of Kit to lead the way.
As Jem shows Kit and Mina where they’ll be staying, Tessa goes ahead to her and Jem’s room, the same room they always stay in when they visit here.
One of the first things she does is take one of her bags into the bathroom to unpack her toiletries. When she opens the bag, the first thing she sees is the pink box containing the pregnancy test she packed.
For the last few weeks she’s been feeling sick and tired all the time, and has been having some issues with her powers, all the symptoms she had when pregnant with Mina. She had meant to take a test before they came to Shanghai, but she was so busy with Mina’s first birthday she totally forgot, until this morning when she was packing the last bits and pieces and found the pregnancy test she had bought a few weeks ago but never taken, so she decided to throw into the bag and take it here in Shanghai.
Tessa nervously bites her lip and looks over her shoulder to make sure Jem or anyone isn’t nearby. When she’s satisfied she’s alone, she closes the door, opens the pregnancy test and takes the few minutes required, to take the pregnancy test.
Three minutes later her phone beeps to let her know it’s time to look at the test, and so on shaky legs she pushes herself up from her seat on the edge of the bathtub, and walks over to the sink. She takes a deep breath before picking the test up and looking it.
‘YES+’
Tessa can’t help but let out a stifled sob of delight, her hand flying up to cover her mouth. She and Jem weren’t trying, but they weren’t trying to prevent a pregnancy either, they decided to leave it up to nature, they agreed they would be thrilled if they had another baby now, but would also be okay with not having another one just yet.
Tessa quickly finds Jem standing outside the room that’s going to be Kit’s, supervising he and Mina as they unpack (well more like Kit occasionally takes something out of his suitcase, then gets distracted by Mina and doesn’t unpack anything else for 20 minutes.)
“How are you 3 getting on?” Tessa asks Jem, coming up to stand at his side.
“Not too bad, though I think I might have to seperate the kids in order to get anything done, they distract eachother.” Jem laughs, his heart swelling with love as he watches Kit laughing while carrying Mina around on his back. He then turns to smile at Tessa and softly says “I can’t believe how amazing the last year has been, I couldn’t have asked for a better first year of fatherhood, I’ve loved every second.”
Tessa grins knowingly.
“Well that’s good.” She says, holding up the positive pregnancy test for Jem to see. “Because in about 8 months, we get to do it all again.”
@fair-but-wilde-child JESSA WEEK DAY 3 favorite thing about the ship since i cannot draw so well favorite thing about Jessa
My favorite thing about them is their love for each other, I love their moments in TID where they fell in love and had an amazing, passionate, sweet love and to them being parted for centuries but still loving each other for many many years, and the way that Tessa is jem’s anchor to humanity and the way he is her anchor and the only person she feels like she can talk to and relate to the feeling of not belonging and immortality, how both of them feeling that they don’t belong anywhere in the world but they still found a home with each other. I love their love for each other during the 150 years they were seperated and them always hoping to be together and always thinking of each other, the kiss that they shared in ADL Tessa thought of it everyday for decades as its mentioned in TWO, and her always wearing his jade pendant as a reminder of her love for him. I love that even when he’s brother Zachariah he still loves and thinks of her everyday. I love how mizpah fits them perfectly (Mizpah deep emotional bond between two people especially those seperated by distance or death) I love the small moments between them when he’s brother Zachariah when they share a look or being together knowing they can’t, I love in CLS when they’re standing together and both of them knowingly that they want to be together but can’t. One of the reasons that i love jessa so much is that their love has survived through all ods and their love for each other is so deep and true, I love, love stories like jem and tessa’s a complex, passionate, true one, but also odd and very special, I haven’t read many books that has the same or similar love story that Jem and tessa have so they are very special and I love them. I love this quote “The only way I could live through immortality is the fact that I was going to see you again, even if it was just once a year”
@fair-but-wilde-child JESSA WEEK DAY 1 favorite TID SCENE
“They stood face-to-face, chest to chest. His breath stirred her hair. She felt the fever rising off him like mist off the Thames; sensed the pounding of the blood through his skin; saw with a strange clarity the pulse at his throat, the light on the pale curls of his hair where they lay against his paler neck. Prickles of heat ran up and down her skin, bewildering her. This was Jem—her friend, as steady and reliable as a heartbeat. Jem did not set her skin on fire or make the blood rush fast inside her veins until she was dizzy. “Tessa,” he said. She looked up at him. There was nothing steady or reliable about his expression. His eyes were dark, his cheeks flushed. As she raised her face, he brought his down, his mouth slanting across hers, and even as she froze in surprise, they were kissing. Jem. She was kissing Jem.”
Their first kiss is my favorite scene just because I love how passionate it is and it is the moment that they realize that they have true feelings for each other, a day or two after their first kiss Tessa says this “She had touched and kissed Jem; she had felt that she loved him; she had let him see her as no one had ever seen her before” and I just love it
@fair-but-wilde-child JESSA WEEK DAY 2 favorite gotsm scene
A DEEPER LOVE bedroom scene
”He caught her in his arms. He was a Silent Brother, a Grigori, a Watcher, barely human. And yet he felt human enough—his lean chest hot against her skin as she tilted her face up. His lips met hers, soft and so sweet it made her ache. It had been so many, many years, but this was still the same. Almost the same. I am not what I was. Almost the fire of lost nights, the sound of his passionate music in her ears. She put her arms around his slim shoulders and clung to him fiercely. She could love enough for both of them. Any part of Jem was better than all of any other man alive. His musician’s hands drew over her face, over her hair, over her shoulders, as though he was seizing a last chance to memorize what he could never touch again. Even as she kissed him and insisted desperately to herself that it was possible, she knew it was not. ”Tessa”, he said. ”Even when I cannot see, you are so beautiful.”
