I'm getting lazy with making cover photos so have a gif :D
Summery; In which fem!reader is the little sister of John B Routledge. Sweet, gentle and innocent. The complete opposite of JJ Maybank but he finds himself falling for her and he stop himself from doing so.
Pairing; Fem!reader x JJ Maybank
Warnings; Throughout this series there are talks of abuse, drug and alcohol use, trauma, talks of self doubt and wanting to be unalived. Possible smut in the future as well so read at your own risk!
It wasn't new for Maybank to get absolutely wasted, regardless of a special occasion. The boy would do just about anything to slow down the racing thoughts even just for a second. But sometimes doing so, left his colleagues to pick up the shattered pieces that he let fall-- more specifically, (Y/n).
The girl was quite familiar with this state of mind that JJ seemed to always find himself stumbling back into on nights he drank just a little too much— where he chose to drink too much. And each time the girl grew even more worrisome of just how far he'd go to stop the thoughts.
Nothing in the world could compare to the night (Y/n) witnessed him fully break, though.
The incident had been quite a few years ago, around the time the boy was celebrating his fifteenth birthday, and like any other young pouge, they were tipping bottles back as a celebration for surviving fifteen years of life— whether that was in and out of juvenile prison or the streets, to them it was still something worth celebrating over.
Though, instead of having multiple types of illegal liquor in his arms and a bump to his step, he showed up empty handed with a swollen right eye and busted lip.
His father beat him. On his birthday.
The day that most parents celebrate their kids is the same day that JJ's father pumbled him. The same day that the only parent that JJ Maybank had left, showed him that even his own blood didn't care about him.
The sight of the boy was enough to break your heart in two. Something inside of him died that day, a part of him that never truly came back even to this very day. It seemed that if there was anything left, it was pain and anger— Or it was the only thing that most people saw after that.
No words were even muttered because frankly, the whole situation threw his friends into a fit of panic and sorrow, even a little bit of shock. Everyone knew the type of man his father, Luke, was but what no one expected was that he had the heart to hit his own kid on his birthday. What was even worse was that officials knew of these situations at the Maybank residence but no one cared enough to try and fix it.
JJ refused to go into foster care and they couldn't keep him in juvie for a long period of time unless he were to do a heinous crime so everyone just chose to look in the opposite direction and only hoped that the man would kick rocks or disappear because either way, they wouldn't have to do a damn thing about JJ then.
After a long period of silence, John B pulled his friend into an embrace. He knew that it wouldn't fix anything but maybe it'd make his friend feel a little less alone.
And even though JJ would never admit it. He needed that hug.
After a brief moment, the pouges began to party like nothing ever happened. Even though most of them wanted to say something, anything but they all knew better than to do that with JJ.
JJ began to drink more and more as the night grew longer till eventually, no one would ever imagine he'd remember anything from that night the next morning. He completely drown himself in the beverage, which only weighed more on everyone else's heart for him.
Maybe it would of been better if he had just killed me.
The girl was baffled to say the very least. To have to sit here and listen to the boy fall apart and think the worst was the hardest thing she's ever done. He was like another brother to her.
Hell, maybe it's better that way for you guys too.
She was quick to tell him that it wasn't true. That herself and the rest of the pouges loved him all the same. They couldn't see a life without JJ in it. Who would be the one to come up with all the unhinges plans? Who would be the one to have random days where they showed up with booze and just decided to have one hell of a party and the boneyard? Who'd be the one to pack it in just like him.
JJ Maybank was the soul to all of them and without him, the pouges just wouldn't be the same.
It was like he didn't hear (Y/n), and that's what scared her the most about an inebriated JJ. He just went through so much pain on a day that was supposed to be special for him and now he wouldn't even consider listening to a comforting word she said. She wanted to sob, beg him to listen to her because she knew the type of boy JJ Maybank truly was and she knew where this led him to.
Pougie, you and everyone else here knows that I'll die and it won't be due to old age.
My body will lay lifeless on the ground one of these days due to my own doings and what a day to celebrate that will be.
His words haunted her because he tore so deep into himself and her, more than he had with anyone else. And as dramatic as it sounded, he was never the same. JJ didn't have the type of glimmer in his blue pools, they were dim. He was moody, irritable even and everyone was forbidden to mutter a word of that day. (Y/n) would never forget it, even if she tried.
So, maybe that's why she could feel her anxiety levels rising the close she got to her not-so-humble abode, knowing that the current state of the boy could, in fact, be in the same state he was years ago. JJ was also the type to have no filter when intoxicated and he'd often say things that he wouldn't remember or mean, without thinking.
But drunk words are sober thoughts, aren't they?
Upon approach, (Y/n) could see the screen door was left wide open, which wasn't much of a surprise because the boys were expecting her. It had given her the ultimate green light to just walk right in.
"Hey Pougie," John B said. Being the first to notice her arrival as he waved a lousy hand, beckoning her over.
She decided to release her fears for now and instead gave a soft smile before approaching her older sibling and embracing him in a short, but sweet hug. "Hey JB."
After the short sibling moment, Sophie started looking for any sign of the distressed blonde boy, "Where's JJ?"
John B glanced over at Pope, giving him a nervous grin. Hoping his other best friend could explain for him why the blonde wasn't in sight currently.
Pope began to shake his head vigorously, "Oh no-" he continued, "no, no, no. That's your responsibility to tell her-"
"Tell me what?" (Y/n) cut in.
"Your brother will tell you," Pope said, swinging his legs over the back side of the couch and towards the door in a haste to remove himself from the equation.
(Y/n) turned towards John B whose face looked more worrisome than the words soon to come out of his mouth, "He's in your room.."
It wasn't necessarily that she minded JJ staying in her room, she would happily take the couch in order to give the boy a proper bed and a good night's rest. She didn't mind at all, it was the fact that she'd have to go talk to him alone in there that worried her a bit.
The boy was drunk, he wasn't in the right state of mind and (Y/n) wasn't sure if it was the best idea to talk to him alone. Of course she didn't think he'd do anything to her, it was just she wanted to save a rather she didn't know what to expect after she walked in there.
Whatever conversation they would have, would certainly take a dark turn.
(Y/n) was actually kind of hoping the boy would be passed out in her bed and she wouldn't have to have witness just how broken JJ was. At least, not again anyway.
"Oh.. okay," she trailed off, trying to find anything to pull away from the fact the drunken boy was lousing about in her room.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell ya, (Y/n/n). He hasn't been in there long I figured that it might be better for him to chill out and relax because you know how he gets— he's not himself and I thou-"
"It's okay John B, I don't mind him being in there," she rested her palm on his shoulder, hoping to save the boy, and herself from his rambling.
His tensed muscles relaxed at her words and he gave a soft nod in response.
"He shouldn't be, I just sent him in," John B replied.
(Y/n) bit the inside of her cheek. That same anxious feeling she felt moments prior before stepping a foot through the door. She contemplated on doing an internal coin toss; deciding her fate of going in to check if the boy was still awake or just crashing on the couch in hopes the next morning he didn't think the girl actually dodged a conversation with him— when in fact, she kind of was.
(Y/n) was about to blurt out any excuse to just stay out in the living room with John B until morning when both of their attention was grabbed by a hard thud in the room next to them.
Both John B and (Y/n) glance from one another to the room before John B shook his head.
"He doesn't talk to me, Pougie. If anything, you're our best shot right now," he let out a sigh before continuing, "I know he did a number on you years ago with his little burst. Hell, he did with all of us but that was the first time he opened up to everyone and you seem to be the one who can get him to talk without an explosion happening,"
(Y/n) just gave a soft nod before ultimately making the decision to head off towards her bedroom where the drunken boy most likely found some possible way of injuring himself even while just sitting in place.
(Y/n) wasn't necessarily not happy to get to see JJ because, in fact, she was admittedly excited nonetheless but more worried about his wellbeing.
She could hear him before he even was viewable. Her door was wide open, just like how she left it before she had headed out earlier that afternoon. "Son of a bitch," her eyebrow raised in curiosity, "Fucking idiot. She's gonna kill you,"
(Y/n) wasn't too sure what exactly she was going to unalive him over. She never kept anything reliable out in the open and the reason why should be self explanatory; there were always too many boys hanging out to risk leaving anything precious of hers out for everyone to see.
Regardless, if he had broken anything of hers it would be replaceable as she was more worried for the boy than any object in the room.
The boy stood in an anxious stance, trying to desperately pick up a pile of scattered books that laid out on the floor of her bedroom. What she was able to put together without actually witnessing the incident was that the boy stumbled due to his drunken state and knocked them over trying to catch his balance.
She let out an unexpected giggle and almost as fast as it escaped her lips she slapped her palm over them. A poor excuse for trying to muffle herself.
JJ however, abruptly took notice of the small girl hovering in the doorway. His brows furrowed in the slightest with confusion before his slowed down intelligence caught onto exactly why the girl was giggling.
"(Y/n)," He breathed, "I-I didn't mean to knock them over, I'm a little drunk and I tried to catch them but-"
He had a moment of panic in which he had no idea whether to take the girl walking in on him as a good or bad thing.
Was she making fun of him for being such a fucking idiot? Did she laugh in a way of 'look at this dumbass' or 'Did he really just knock over a pile of books in a mildly open space?'. He didn't know. All he knew was the girl walked in on him in her room, knocking over her stuff.
"It's alright JJ," she said, dropping her overnight bag by the door frame and walking up to him.
His nerves calmed and he wrung his hands behind his back, trying to find the next set of words to say to the girl who he had no idea what the future mess he had gotten himself into held for him.
"What's going on JJ?" She asked, placing herself promptly on the edge of her bed. She patted the cushion next to her, inviting him to sit.
He hesitated for a moment. He knew she was expecting him to open up and a part of him wanted to, it was just the right words to say weren't coming to him when he needed them the most.
"Why'd you need me to come back today?" Her head tilted the slightest, lashes fluttering up at him.
JJ was a bit disheveled, his dirty blonde hair was a mess with certain parts glued to his forehead from what was only assumed to be the fault of alcohol racing through his veins— contributing to heating his flesh up a lot faster than usual. And his red tank loosely fitted him almost perfectly.
(Y/n) snapped herself out of the very obvious fact she was gawking at a very distressed JJ. Despite the fact, he was a very good looking guy and was probably actually used to girls staring at him all the time. It felt wrong of her, she considered this boy to be like another brother to her and here she was checking him out.
The boy wasn't too sure if he should tell the truth or find a way to direct the conversation elsewhere. Find a different topic to keep the girl talking and become distracted from the real reason she showed up tonight.
"I'm.. having a hard time. Can you lay with me?"
Did she hear that right? Or was (Y/n) hallucinating.
She hesitated, his unusual demand caught her off guard. He blinked at her, no expression change except the fact he was actually expecting her answer to be a 'Yes'. She thought he would have redacted his demand by now but he hadn't, it wasn't even a thought in his mind to redact it.
"Please?" His blue glazed puppy stare was fixated on her.
She couldn't make out the feeling that raced through her veins at the sight of his facial expression and softened tone.
She actually didn't know why she always dropped everything for him. Sure, people counted on her to keep the unhinged boy from doing anything more damaging to himself than he already had but it was like she did it even when no one expected her to. She chose JJ over even some of the most important life events with no hesitation.
(Y/n) complied nonetheless, laying back against the soft foam beneath her and staring mindlessly up at the ceiling.
The two teens didn't know where to take the conversation. JJ was still fighting that mental battle in his head about telling (Y/n) the truth. And (Y/n)— well (Y/n) had nothing to say until he did tell her the truth for she didn't know how to help if she didn't know what was bothering him.
Finally, (Y/n) broke what felt like an eternity of silence, "What's really going on Jay?" Her head turned to look at him, surprised to find the boy had already been staring at her.
"I don't know how to feel" he lied.
"Well, there is no way you should feel. You have a right to your own feelings JJ. It just matters how you handle them," She was gentle with her words.
She reached a hesitant hand out, fingertips just barely grazing his naked shoulders. "Why do you think you hurt people?"
His eyes seemed to flicker around the room as if he was trying to find the right words to say, "I don't think, I know I do. That's all I ever do,"
(Y/n) could feel parts of her heart shatter at his words and it felt too damn familiar for her own liking. Her fear she had the whole way walking home of JJ being in the same state he was in years ago ended up being true.
"That's not true JJ," Her head shook, trying to comfort him in anyway she could think of because he needed it.
He was battling a war inside his own head and she could see it in action right now. She wasn't inside his head to witness the utter chaos inside but the way he struggled so hard to find the words to say, the way his mind seemed to be nothing but a mess he couldn't seem to get under control just made it obvious.
"No, it is true," he slurred with his voice softly cracking. He removed his arms that were wrapped around Sophie prior and sat up, hand rummaging through the already tangled golden tips of his hair, "I wish i was a good person. I wish I wasn't such a fucking messing.."
(Y/n) quickly sat up herself. She knew he was falling apart and there was nothing she could but just be there to catch him.
Her eyes slightly widened when she began to see his body heave up and down, the way she didn't have to be looking at his face to know he had tears in his eyes. He was trying so hard to keep himself together because he hated the fact of showing just how unstable he truly was to everyone else that he kept too much inside and now it was currently leaking out of him now.
He'd been through so much and with that, so much without a parental figure in his life to guide him through the hard times. He didn't have someone there to teach him how to handle his emotions or how life can just beat you to a pulp before he ever remotely got better. He didn't have a mother he could run and be held in her arms after his heart was shattered or a father he could go to, to get advice on better ways to be a good man. He had to learn it all by himself and that clearly had been taking quite a toll on him for some time now.
(Y/n) quickly pulled him to her, her arms wrapped around him to hold him close as he sobbed into her chest. Her gentle palm placed over the back of his head to cradle him close so he felt safe with her. She wanted him to be okay with how he felt and how sometimes, things are just too hard to handle on your own.
She could feel her own eyes welling up with tears and how her throat started to feel so closed like it does when she wants to just curl into a ball and cry herself to sleep. JJ didn't ever seem to get the fact that the girl truly cared for his well being because he was always there for her as well, that this hurt her as much as he was currently hurting inside.
"I'm here Jay," she murmured, trying the fight back the cracks in her voice desperate to slip out, "I'm here,"
It didn't take JJ long to wrap his own arms around (Y/n) again and pull her as close to himself as he physically could.
He would never admit to anyone that sometimes this was just something he needed because that's just not who he was. He always was too closed off to willingly be open about the fact that he needed someone to show they cared about him in, that it was okay not to be okay. It just took the right person to do the job and the right person seemed to always be (Y/n).
"I don't know what to do,"
"It's okay to need someone JJ," (Y/n) held onto him tighter as he cried, pressing a small kiss on the top of his head and soothingly ran her fingertips through his golden strands.
JJ Maybank was a lot of things; a thief, a delinquent, and a soon-to-be high school dropout. He could go on with the names and categories he fit into and he could also go into detail with just how long that list really was.
if someone were to ask him how he truly felt about the girl, he'd tell them he saw her as his little sibling— a friend. And saying 'friend' or 'sibling' would have placed him in the category of a very unlikeable thing to his friends and colleagues; a liar and a man who breaks his word.
