I said I’d finish it and I did! Worked on it on and off for the last two months and finally worked up the motivation to get it done during Spring Break.
Okay, that aside I love the This Bites! community a lot. This is the first major work of fanfiction that hooked me, and I was completely astounded by the love it got from so, so many people. And the people in the community are fun, enjoyable, knowledgeable people that have affected me and changed me a lot as a person.
That being said, something came out about one of the major members of the community, and I was incredibly distressed about it. I confronted the person involved about it almost immediately, expressed my feelings and basically left the community altogether. Now, I’m not good at that shit, explaining how I feel, and I’m sure the way I reacted just made everything that much more ugly. I’m not going to apologize for my initial discomfort, but I am going to apologize for the way I reacted and if I made things any worse than they were, for whatever that’s worth. I’m sorry.
Several months have passed and I’ve explored a lot of different things since then, reflected and grown as a person, yadda yadda yadda. I don’t wanna sugarcoat myself. I certainly don’t regret taking a break from the community, but I’ve constantly thought about coming back when I felt ready. I left over a matter with one of the major community members, and I wasn’t sure if I was even going to be welcomed back because of that. But I missed it. Missed everything. So, eventually I started to really consider it. This work that I just finished was partly to prove how much I really do wanna be a part of it. (Is that desperate?)
So, with this finally done, I get ready to come back. I thought about asking permission from one member of the community or another, but… I just bit the bullet and went back. I share what I made, and got a few welcomes and compliments. A few minutes later, I’m kicked. “Bye, troll. Thanks for the fanart.” I wasn’t given a chance. It’s upsetting, and if I’m going to be honest to myself… a little unfair? And at the risk of sounding pretentious and hypocritical, I felt a little betrayed. I’m not a troll. And for me to be seen as one… fucking sucks. Of course, I expected animosity, but I still wanted to be part of this.
So, if any big member of the Discord community sees this, please. If it is not in the stars, I understand. My actions had consequences and I was prepared for the fallout if I ever tried to come back. But I am not a troll. I didn’t leave because I was a troll. I care about this community and I want to be welcomed back. Please give me a chance.
For what it’s worth, that doesn’t mean coloring this was for nothing. That’s stupid loser mentality. I had so much fun putting this together, and it was so freaking satisfying seeing this finally get done! Big stupid smile on my face every time I finish one of these no matter what, and I really hope I can keep doing these. And I’ll still support This Bites!, fanart and all, despite all this, because it means so, so much to me.
