Jul 29, 2023
"I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy" well I fucking would
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"I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy" well I fucking would
when the dissociative identity disorder dissociates your identity
The "anti misinfo" DID blogs i've had the misfortune to see are so full misinfo themselves that it's honestly giving me 2nd hand embarrassment to go through the DID-related tags
My pro tip as an almost 30 y/o who's been online since I was 11 is don't trust some random person on social media and always practice source criticism. I've definitely learned a lot from lived experiences on tumblr and other websites, but I've also been misinformed by people in the past. I think we need to look more at actual research (and we need to learn how to read and analyse research, because a lot of people don't know how). We need to look more at grown adult people with this disorder who's also been diagnosed/treated for years and therefore has knowledge about it. A newly diagnosed 20 y/o person is not the place to look for info, honestly. We need to listen to expert professionals who've got years of experience in the field of treating DID. We need to read books by these people
Like, I personally struggle with reading - especially about complex dissociation since it's triggering - but we fucking need to get some actual facts into the community. I feel like it's mostly misinformed kids/young adults who are either newly diagnosed or undiagnosed who are trying to educate others on DID. The discussions (or "discourse") I see at least come across as pretty juvenile and also just the same talking points brought up over and over again
Whatever man, just needed to air my frustrations a bit ig and hopefully I'm not alone in feeling like online DID spaces are awful
when you realise you're actually constantly experiencing flashbacks when you thought it was just anxiety
I like being like "im the evil alter 😈" and my evil trait is having boundaries and feeling anger
Kinda uhhh realising maybe it's not normal to masturbate while having daydreams about being violently abused to death when you're like 4 years old every night before bed. Maybe it is not normal that some of your earliest memories are of you lying still with your eyes open and holding your breath seeing how dead you can be in your bed after imaging yourself being murdered. Maybe it's not normal when strange men walk up to your mom after you did belly dancing for a school play when you were 7 to tell her how great you were at it and how you were so captivating. And for my mom to brag about me appealing to a strange father like that. And for her mom to brag about it too. How I was so charming and beautiful and smart and a natural performer. How I was groomed by my own grandma for her own sadistic pleasures of manipulating children into doing what she wanted. A little song bird in its cage. A puppy doing tricks for its family. A child wanting to be loved by being useful to their family. A sister wanting to take on the burden of being the perfect doll to protect her younger siblings without even understanding that that was what she was doing. A little girl acting without even thinking. Just going along as if she didn't have free will. Just like a robot doing what it was built to do when you press the button. Don't think. Just do. Don't think. Just. Do.
I am so overwhelmed. I am fatigued. I feel so isolated and lonely. I cant tell anyone I know. I dont have many clear memories. My body remembers, but what precisely it's reliving, I don't know. Im scared to know. I want her dead
How your syskids will look at you when they see a huge pokemon plushie while you're trying to buy groceries
fronting again. anyone else who feel like whenever they front they need to somehow document their own existence including their thoughts and feelings or whatever before someone else takes over the body? like i need to get my message out before the signal breaks or whatever lol