#mad posting

[stammed-cleams]

something making you uncomfortable is not grounds to make it illegal. i'm begging some of you people to consider actual ethics for once in your miserable lives.

[alostlittleriverlotus]

Being disabled and largely bed ridden esp when flare ups happen fucking sucks when you're also antisocial and adhd as fuck and feel constantly hyperactive and bored. Like I have to lay on my back to enjoy my games cause otherwise it hurts my arms. But I get pain in my back and need to move to my side. But then I can't play games. And those are the only things that keep me from losing my mind. Cause holy fuck chronic boredom is one of my worst aspd symptoms tbh. It's been a bit better lately, thankfully, but it still doesn't go away. Being sick and disabled while also experiencing chronic boredom and hyperactivity just leads to a nice little hell. I wish my brain would stfu for once.

[milvines]

RAGE RAGE RAGE RAGE RAGE

RAGE RAGE AGRAGE

[alostlittleriverlotus]

Flashback to that delusion I had that there was a little black ghost kitty that was my friend. I love when my psychosis isn't a fucking horror movie come to life or fueled by horrific trauma. Sometimes. It's just seeing your dead guinea pig and feeling as if she's still there or feeling like there's a magical black cat ghost that's watching over you and taking care of you. Sometimes it's nice. Sometimes it's just hearing voices having a conversation, like a weird family bbq that doesn't really exist. Sometimes it's just hearing music when it's not there.

It's not very common in america and not very talked about for schizo folks to have non scary delusions and hallucinations. But like. It's very much a real experience. It doesn't have to be scary to be a real part of schizospec shit. And I know it's more common in other cultures for them to be less scary. Always thought my "good" delusions and hallucinations meant I didn't count. But they're just as a real part of schizospec and psychosis as the scary parts. They may make me jump sometimes, but they're much nicer to experience. Sometimes it's the hallucination of someone petting you or holding you. Sometimes it's just nice to have more neutral or positive and safe hallucinations and delusions.

When most of mine are paranoid and scary and especially related to trauma and flashbacks, it's nice to have ones that simply just are and can even be comforting.

[alostlittleriverlotus]

I'm so fucking bored. I keep getting hyperfixated on random shit but it's not enough. I still got a fucking hour before wifey comes back. Ugh it's eating away at me. I just wanna fucking gnaw through my own body. Chronic boredom is hell. It just gives me really bad thoughts of like the worst things you can do for yourself. Like yes. Eating a blade or charger cord right now sounds fucking fun and I have a terrible urge to chew on random shit.

Really gotta get chewelry one day. I'm too fucking autistic and antisocial for life.

Wifey just fucking come back already. My mind feels like a fucking mess and I need you to keep me stable, ya dumb bitch. 🥺🥺🥺 I'm so sad and vulnerable, love me.

I feel like I'm fucking swapping 50 damn moods. And yet. Still bored. Still unfulfilled. Still not stimulated. Hours feel like weeks. Wifeyyyyyyy. I'm like unable to be anything without you. I need a distraction from every fucking tiny impulsive thought that comes my way because I'm fucking fatigued and need an outlet for my thoughts. Wanna tear thru my skull.

Mental illness fucking sucks. And my tummy hurts. >:(

[alostlittleriverlotus]

My dumb brain every day and when things go wrong: die

Me: too much effort, suggest something easier

[boy-subtraction]

fucking christ can i fucking have a crashout in fucking peace or does my roommate have to tell me about every inane misfortune that has ever befallen them right as they walk thru the fucking door no hello no nothing fucking shit im trying to experience my own fucking emotions here

[alostlittleriverlotus]

im so mentally unwell it really feels like I can't exist at all.