#mental breakthrough

[saapitos]

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[poetry-with-alisha]

[alexithymiaaaaa]

IT'S OKAY TO FEEL UNSTABLE. IT'S OKAY TO DISASSOCIATE. IT'S OKAY TO HIDE FROM THE WORLD. IT'S OKAY TO NEED HELP. IT'S OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY.

[hefty-to-healthy]

December 5th, 2020

I am finally starting to feel better and coming out from the dark place in my mind.

A couple days ago I finally started to feel something other than sadness and numbness. I woke up wanting to do something. I didn’t just want to sleep my life away or drown myself in binge watching shows or games.

Today was the first day that my body craved movement rather than to just curl up in bed. Today was the first day in a while that I didn’t go over my calories. I felt energized today and it felt so good. I danced and laughed a bunch today and I’m so happy to hopefully be able to get back to my routines and healthy habits. I’m grateful my mind is out of its funk and hope it doesn’t go back to that for a while.

I haven’t been active, I have been stress/depressed eating, and I’ve been eating more unhealthy things. I’ve still been calorie counting, but I’ve been guesstimating portion sizes and I’ve definitely been eating larger portions. I’ve gone over my calories by 100-300 calories daily and on top of that I’ve been sedentary. Non of this helped with my mental state and it just made me feel worse and yet I just couldn’t help it. My mental willpower was gone but I was so aware of how bad my actions were for me. It sucked.

In the past getting into these dark places have ruined my progress so much. Even though my mental willpower was gone this time around I still had some of my “healthy habits” and “healthy thoughts” going and trying to shine through my unhealthy actions I was going through, I still had a little voice in the back of my head telling me “don’t put that on your plate” “don’t take those extra bites” “if nothing else make sure to eat the veggies” “you’ve already ate a slice of pie, only eat half of this one” “yeah you’ve eaten 4 oranges but it’s better than eating 4 cookies”. It’s such a small thing to have that little voice in the back of my head but in the past I would hve just gave in and let these unhealthy actions consume me and turn into unhealthy habits. I think I was able to not make these things just turn from “comfort in sadness actions” to continuous unhealthy habits and that has been so important for me getting back into a healthier state of mind. Just reminding myself I’m not mentally well right now but it will pass and it sucks that I’m just down and not motivated to make healthy actions and choices but this is just temporary and I can always push through and fix it once this has passed. It’s so hard getting the physical end of fitness when the mind isnt feeling very fit.

I weighed myself for the first time in a couple weeks and was expecting to see a gain, Especially since the last time I weighed myself I didn’t believe the scale. I somehow lost half a pound, it’s not much over the course of a couple of weeks but it’s better than weight gain. Although I am worried it’s just a loss of muscle since I’ve not had much movement compared to what I was doing prior... either way I mentally feel ready to try and get myself back on track and back into my routine that was helping me get healthier and shed some pounds.

[shit-postingsof]

Por si necesitas saberlo... Lo peor que pude hacer en mi adolescencia fue vivir en chinga y saltarme varias cosas por querer “comerme el mundo” y no de una manera positiva. La vida comenzó a hacerse lenta, sin chiste, me parecía pesada, todo lo que mis amigos comenzaban a hacer me parecía estúpido porque lo había hecho mucho tiempo atrás y para mí ya era equis algo que los demás apenas estaban experimentando. Mi “yo” adolescente y aún más inmaduro empezó a ver la vida sin un sentido y sin nada nuevo qué ofrecerme, muchas veces en noches parecidas a esta aún lo sigo pensando, pero siempre y a pesar de mis mental breakdowns intento ver una buena y nueva cosa qué experimentar, no importa cuánto creas que ya has vivido todo lo que es para ti, siempre hay algo nuevo por descubrir pero todo eso está fuera de tu zona de confort, la única persona que tiene prohibido subestimarte eres tú, la vida probablemente ahorita se siente vacía, pero siempre tiene algo especial para ti, es cuestión de enfocarse y no estancarse en los pensamientos negativos. No son más fuertes que tú por más que así lo sientas, créeme y en el fondo tú también lo sabes, pero te cuesta creerlo, pues ahora créelo, te sentirás mucho mejor después de que te des el valor que mereces.

[tarot-and-spn]

Me after having a mental breakdown

[my-mindmatters]

@my-MindMatters

[anime-to-the-t]