Set in a Grocery Store
Nick Fury doesn’t do grocery shopping. He has people for that. But somehow, somehow, he’s been roped into supervising Natasha, Maria, and Clint at a store because Coulson claimed it was a “low-risk” task.………well Coulson was wrong.……dead wrong.
Nick Fury: already regretting his life choices “We are here for supplies, not for you three to cause an international incident in aisle five.”
Maria Hill: grabbing a cart, completely blank “Relax, Nick. We’re just picking up essentials.”
Natasha Romanoff: dropping three bottles of vodka into the cart “yea……Essentials.”
Nick Fury: crossing his arms “Romanoff.”
Natasha: innocent baby face “Yes?”
Nick Fury: annoyed and deadpan “SHIELD budget. Not ‘spy-on-vacation’ budget.”
Clint Barton: holding up a box of Lucky Charms “Okay, but what about this? Asking for………me.”
Maria Hill: grabbing it out of his hands and putting it back “Absolutely not.”
Clint: offended “Why do you hate fun?”
Maria Hill: deadpan “I practically run SHIELD. Fun is a foreign concept.”
Nick Fury: rubbing his temples “One that was offensive but true. Two…We are getting food. REAL food. Not whatever Barton considers ‘nutritional.’”
Clint: grinning “Hey pizza is nutritional.”
Maria Hill: blank sigh “exactly the problem.”
Five minutes later, Nick is fully rethinking all his life choices even choices like agreeing to become director as he watches the shit show unfold.
Natasha: holding up two different brands of strong deathly coffee “Maria, which one do we get?”
Maria Hill: blank as ever “The one that won’t literally kill us but the strongest one they have.”
Clint: grabbing a third brand “Oooooooor you know we get this one because it’s on sale.”
Nick Fury: staring at him eye unblinking“We are not saving pennies on coffee.”
Clint: mock whispering “Is this how rich people shop?”
Natasha: smirking “I think this is how competent people shop.”
Nick Fury: snatching the coffee and throwing it in the cart “ok whatever…I DO NOT care anymore.”
Two aisles later…
Nick Fury: looking at the cart in disbelief “Why in the fuc*ing world are there ten boxes of Pop-Tarts in here!?"
Clint: completely unapologetic “Emergency rations…duuuuuh.”
Maria Hill: grabbing one and reading the label “These are s’mores flavored.”
Clint: grinning “Exactly. High in sugar, easy to carry, and delicious.”
Nick Fury: glares at Natasha “Are you just letting him do this?”
Natasha: grinning as she sneaks another box into the cart “I believe in strategic resource allocation.”
Nick Fury: deep sigh “children…I work with actual children.”
Maria Hill: finally smirking “well, You’re the one who keeps saying you’re not our dad.”
Nick Fury: grumbling “And yet I’m the responsible one here.”
By the time they reach the checkout line, the cart is filled with an unnecessary amount of snacks, several questionable purchases, and a pack of cat treats (for goose, obviously). Fury is glaring at all of them.
Nick Fury: pointing at the cart “more than Half of this is not necessary.”
Natasha: dramatically putting gum on the conveyor belt “It truly Depends on your definition of necessary.”
Maria Hill: without looking up “Nick, seriously just let it happen.”
Clint: grinning “Yeah, unc. Let your kids live a bit.”
Nick Fury: glaring “Barton, I swear to—”
The cashier gulps as the most intimidating group of people she’s ever seen argue over groceries like a really dysfunctional family. Nick finally quits and sighs as he hands over the credit card, resigning himself to his fate.
Nick Fury: as they leave the store “Next time, Coulson is coming.”
Maria Hill: smirking “yea…Coulson’s smarter than that. He knew to get out while he could.”
Natasha: grinning “Face it, Fury. You’re stuck with us…for eternity.” Tiny ‘evil’ cackle
Clint: waving a Pop-Tart box “Family bonding time was a success.”
Nick Fury: muttering “I hate this job.”
Goose is waiting in the car, half of the car eaten. Fury sighs, yells then tosses her a treat, accepting his fate.