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Tony: Why do you act like we’re three year olds? Fury, exasperated: WHY?!? Fury points at Clint: YOU TRIED TO HIJACK A CAR! Fury points at Steve: YOU NEARLY JUMPED 20 FEET OFF A CAR PARK! Fury points at Tony: AND YOU ATE MULTIPLE DRIED LEAVES AND ROCKS OFF THE GROUND! Fury: AND YOU ASK ME WHY????
Clint: Was late to work today, and Director Fury asked me if I value my iced coffee more than I value my employment, and it took me everything to not reply that I absolutely did.
Thor: He is my brother.
Natasha: He killed 80 people, in three days.
Thor: ..he’s adopted.
Loki, teleporting in: SO I’M ONLY YOUR REAL BROTHER WHEN ITS CONVENIENT?! THE FUCK, THOR?!
Thor: HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE!
Loki: …I can teleport, you absolute morons.
Tony: Coming back to the whole… ‘he’s adopted thing’… cold.
Loki: EXACTLY! I’m only a part of the family when I’m on my best behaviour, and even then, that means putting Thor front and centre all the time! YOU GO AND START A WAR AND YOU GET A BREIF TIMEOUT! I TRY AND END SAID WAR, AND SUDDENLY I’M ‘adopted’? Yes, I’m going through some things, and maybe taking those things out on Earth is a little harsh, BUT I AM DOING LITERALLY NOTHING THEY DONT DO TO EACH OTHER ON A DAILY BASIS! AND ALSO: BLACKMAIL!
Clint: Yeah!
Natasha: What are you doing here?!
Clint: Oh, I’m here as emotional support. What, you thought he kidnapped me and I stayed under his control? No, I just stayed because he has issues, and I figured I would try and adopt him. He hasn’t killed half as many people as we have, so…
Colson: Barton, no.
Clint: But he’s just a baby!
Loki: Not a baby.
Natasha: Yes you are.
Clint: My baby.
Loki: …I use the big cutlery.
Clint: And we’re very proud. Did you want chicken nuggets for dinner?
Loki: Oooh, yes please!
Clint: Great. Fury, I’m keeping him. Can I get him a therapist, plleeeease?
Fury: This habit of yours is getting expensive. But, yeah, sure.
Thor: What is happening?
Steve: Agreed.
Bruce: Something entertaining, so shut up?
Tony: I knew I liked that guy.
Loki: Am I a S.H.E.I.L.D. agent, now?
Fury: Only if Barton gets you all your shots.
>> 𝙎𝙑𝙏 𝘾𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙢𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙘 𝙐𝙣𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙚 ִ ࣪✮⋆˙
⤷ ゛𝚂.𝙲𝚘𝚞𝚙𝚜 as 𝘿𝙞𝙧𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙤𝙧 𝙉𝙞𝙘𝙠 𝙁𝙪𝙧𝙮 ˎˊ˗
✪ᯓ★⎊༘⋆📼˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚
{ ᴅɪɴᴏ | ᴠᴇʀɴᴏɴ | ꜱᴇᴜɴɢᴋᴡᴀɴ | ᴅᴋ | ᴍɪɴɢʏᴜ | ᴛʜᴇ8 | ᴡᴏᴏᴢɪ | ᴡᴏɴᴡᴏᴏ | ʜᴏꜱʜɪ | ᴊᴜɴ | ᴊᴏꜱʜᴜᴀ | ᴊᴇᴏɴɢʜᴀɴ | S.Cᴏᴜᴘꜱ }
moodboard masterlist
✪ᯓ★⎊༘⋆📼˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚
Incorrect quotes
A few months after Natasha fully joined shield, first solo mission.
Nick: Natasha explain why you’re covered in dirt
Natasha: had a fight 
Nick:*deadpan* now explain why there’s a guy buried under your feet
Natasha: *drinking straight vodka like water* I won the fight
——————————
After they all started becoming family
Nick: why are you like this? *looking annoyed at Natasha Who is covered in blood.*
Natasha:*vague gesturing*
Nick: *long sigh* clean up and get the paperwork done and for fu*k’s sake, less collateral damage, please
————————
During a meeting with Natasha,Clint, Maria and fury
Maria:*whispering to Natasha* we promised Nick we would be professional at least this week
Natasha: I can and I am being professional
Maria: then why are you holding my hand during a mission briefing?
Natasha: *in a dead pan, monotone voice* emotional support
Clint: *snickering*
Nick: you know what I need some peace and motherfu*king kittens to pet
—————————————
Somewhere,probably shield headquarters hallway(honestly I have no idea. I kind of feel like this incorrect quote that I made would probably be in a hallway.)
Nick:*exhausted sigh* Natasha
Natasha: director
Nick: Natasha
Natasha: yes director?
Nick: Natasha *agitated*
Natasha: what?
Nick: why the hell is Barton on fire?!
Clint:I’m one with the flames!
Nick:*sigh* forget I even asked
Natasha: already forgotten sir
———————
In nick’s office
Maria: why do you look so pleased, nat?
Natasha: no reason, you know why Nick called us into his office
Maria: probably to yell at us for making out on the meeting table
Natasha:*about to open her mouth only to be interrupted by the door, slamming open*
Nick: why in the HELL is there FIVE HYDRA for agents tied up in the lobby of the headquarters?
Maria:*snorts in disbelief* Natasha?
Nick:*eye quirk at Natasha* well?
Natasha: hey it’s not my fault, I was just out and about taking a walk around the headquarters when I tripped and fell into hydra prevention. And don’t worry I checked there’s no other hydra agents hiding around the base.
Nick and Maria: *mild snort sigh*
"Clint did what?!"
Phil sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “He punched the Russian ambassador.”
Fury twists to look at Natasha who sits primly in Phil’s office chair. She doesn’t look up from where she shapes her nails with a black nail file.
“Don’t look at me, I didn’t ask him too.” Natasha says, innocently.
Fury places his hands on his hips and glares. “Dare I ask what he did to deserve that? I sent you two to warm relations, not set them back fifty years!”
Natasha merely raises an eyebrow before fanning out her fingers, inspecting the almond shape of her nails. Frustrated Fury turns his one eyed glare back onto Phil.
“Well?”
Phil rubs a hand over his mouth, a strange expression crossing over his features. “It seems the Russian Ambassador called Agent Romanoff a…”
“A prostitute.” Natasha cuts in dryly, still filling away at her nails. “To which I reminded him, quite nicely I might add that, that compensation for my services might be looked at favorably should my dear motherland feel so inclined to remedy the past. Mr. Volkov agreed.”
Fury shakes his head. “Agent Romanoff, while it’s an unfortunate turn of phrase you can’t—“
Finally she rises from her chair and crosses her arms. “I don’t have a problem with sex work, Director Fury.”
“Then why—“
Natasha rolls her shoulders, nonchalantly. “Clint thought the suggested sum was low.”
“How much was it?” Fury asks.
Natasha gives him a feral grin. “1.2.”
Fury stares up at the ceiling, wondering not for the first time how the hell he had found himself with Strike Team Delta as Shields golden goose when they act like this. “I’ll go report to the council—“
“Oh, I wouldn’t do that just yet, Director.”
Natasha pats him on the shoulder before handing off her phone. There on the screen is a bank account with 2.5 million. Fury’s mouth drops open in surprise but before he can say anything a rapid succession of honks alert them. Fury and Phil both race to the window and peer out. There in SHIELD’s parking lot, haphazardly parked, was a purple and black 2014 Bugatti.
“Mr. Volkov also offered his car to compensate for the bruised state of Agent Barton’s left hand. In return he hopes for a lighter tariffs and lifted sanctions. I told him we would discuss.” Natasha explains behind them, a touch of pride in her raspy voice. Then she claps her hands together, bringing both of their attention back to her. "Now, if that is all gentlemen I have plans for the rest of my evening!"
And with that Natasha Romanoff departs, grinning wildly. She goes so far as to wiggle her fingers at them through the window in a goodbye wave.
Director Fury can only watch in stunned silence until she skips out of sight. "Did...did Strike Team Delta just extort 2.5 million and Bugatti out of a foreign national, Phil?"
Phil blinks, shocked. "I-I think so!"
“What the hell am I supposed to tell The Council?"
“Oh, that is far above my pay grade sir, but I would suggest being proactive in giving them a promotion.” Phil comments.
Thank you for sending me prompts my dear! @firlalaith I do so hope you enjoy a badass moment from our precious duo.
No more calling me eyepatch. Or pirate. Or anything that isn’t Fury, or Director Fury.
I refuse to believe my sweet little Talos is dead. I’m not one to say I legitimately hate a tv show…I fucking loath secret invasion. Acting was 1000/10 (obviously) but the writing and character deaths were just cruel and unnecessary. Fury’s reaction to their deaths just felt hallow.
