#mh positivity

[sams--journal]

Just because people aren't always able to help, does not make you or your needs a burden. Sometimes people have conflicting needs, especially with multiply disabled households and that's okay, and that does not make you or the other person bad and does not make you incompatible. reach out for help from multiple sources and people, maybe something one friend absolutely cannot help you with will be something another friend can and this can even change day-to-day

You are never a burden for having needs. And others are never bad for being unable to meet certain needs sometimes. And even then you deserve to have those needs met. Even if that means trusting more than one person with those needs, because no one can do everything. But I promise it will be okay, I promise your friends love you and your disability even when they need to step back, and I promise you are never a burden. No matter how much or how little help you need or if the help you need is not obtainable right this second, it's a hard thing to balance, but no matter what you are not a burden, you are a person worthy of care and respect

[idk if I explained any of this right but just some hard positivity I've been trying to learn, sometimes disability is complicated especially when multiple peoples accommodations conflict. And sometimes it can get frustrating when everyone's needs are not being met or /cant/ be met because both people are disabled. its hard, its frustrating, its complicated but it does not make you a bad person for having needs.

One important note: Its completely valid for a friend, partner or family member to need a break and not be able to meet someones needs all the time. This same thing does /not/ apply to legal or assigned medical caretakers to the same extent. Some jobs require someone to absolutely meet all or at least most of your needs, especially if there are contracts or payments. Someone can be removed from your case if they genuinely cant handle everything, but they cant continue working with you if they cant fully help you. There is a difference between asking another disabled friend for help and asking a professional for medical support]

[sams--journal]

I am so tired of being unhappy except for when im unstable and manic

Im tired of the depression and my life going absolutely nowhere and never doing anything

Im so fucking tired

And yes part of it is the chronic pain, but so much of it is just me never having the motivation to do anything, and yeah part of that is also chronic fatigue, but not all of it

And unlike everytime I've said something like this this isnt me giving up

I WANT to do things with my life I WANT to go places and have new experiences and be happy, my brain just fights me on it So I need to fight my brain back, say "no fuck you, im going out into the fucking sunshine and cooking breakfast for my family and going to the library, im taking my stupid fucking walks and nice hot fucking showers. If you want me to rot in bed all day im getting up and doing ANYTHING else"

idk if it'll work, but its part of something me and my therapist have been working on called behavior activation

Im just tired of doing nothing with my life, I want to do something and im done doing nothing

Idk how long it'll last, but I want to try

[sams--journal]

I made a vision board for this year! I am also using this as a manifestation board

Explaining the pictures used:

The bedroom pictures are obviously bedroom inspo! Working towards my room being completely black and purple, with fairy lights and posters and shit The tarot cards and altar are because I'm going to be practicing more witchcraft this year and honing my intuition, and opening a tarot reading service when I'm skilled enough The diploma and journal are because I'm going to be busting my ass getting into a nightschool for my GED and then university for a zoology degree this year The train tracks, field, and lake are because I'm going to be spending more time in nature and traveling this year because travel in natural places is important to me Same with the camping, I'm going to be camping a lot this summer and fall, I'm also going to be spending more time with my family The piercings and tattoos are part of what I'm going to change about my appearance! I want to look how I've always wanted to look and for me, that partly means a fuckload of piercings and tattoos! and especially ear gauges The battle-jacket is because I'm going to be finishing my punk battle-jacket this year, its denim and I only have 4 or 5 patches right now but I love it and by the end of this year it's going to be fully covered and spiked A picture of an outdoor punk show because I want to start going to shows and being part of the scene outside of online spaces A picture of a binder because I'm going to be buying a new binder this year and working towards starting hormones finally! Text pictures: "Today is going to be a good day And here's why, because today at least you're you And that's enough" Because I'm learning self-acceptance and compassion, and changing my world outlook 1:"When is it my turn to be happy?" 2:"When you realize you deserve to be." Again, learning self-acceptance, and self-compassion, and I am slowly learning to be content with myself "I'll give you all I have and nothing less I promise Baby boy we were meant to be" This one is a bit harder to be open about, but this is my mh and recovery blog I've been struggling to accept and learn that I contributed to relationship neglect and some toxic, emotionally abusive patterns This year I'm promising myself and my partners to do better, learn, grow, and heal what has been causing that bad and harmful behavior, without deflecting to self-hate because self-hate helps no one I am healing out of love only, and I will become a better version of myself, and give my partners and myself all I have to get there, this is my primary goal this year

Overall theme: "Be the person you want to see" I've spent my entire life seeing other people and wishing it was me and this year I realized I can just. Be like those people. Even if it takes time to get there. I've learned that I create the person I want to be [within reason, my poor disabled ass can't get a normal job or buy a dream house. but I can change my appearance to fit how I feel and change my reactions to the world to fit how I want to act eventually] That's my vision board and goals for this year! excited for it, manifesting it, it's gonna be great

[sams--journal]

Change is hard and painful sometimes, a long very tiring process. But it is possible, change hurts sometimes. Healing hurts sometimes, but its worth it and it will be alright. One really bad setback doesn't erase any progress, it doesn't put you back at square one. Healing isn't linear, and sometimes setbacks happen. You still got this, you've still made progress that can't be erased, and I'm proud of you <3