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hi! out of curiosity, for those endgame ships, are those in the polycules all dating each other? or are some of them separate, like for example - Dante dating Nana but not Zane

also, do these people come together in both mys and mcd? like a fated/soulmates sort of thing? or is it because of the different circumstances of the different times that they’re able to be together?

sorry for the yapping i fear i am obsessed w this rewrite now

Never apologize for the yapping!! We're the ones obsessed enough to write the thing, and all questions are welcome.

BUT THE POLYCULES!! They're my babies born out of indecisive multishipping, lmao.

More or less it can be considered a soulmate sort of thing, but also their situations and lives greatly impact how that develops. One of my favorite parts of this rewrite is the cycle of reincarnation these characters go through; how the same relationships and (for lack of a better word) events play out in different times. I like exploring how despite your own nature, the world around you will always shape who you are. It's a big ol' nature vs nurture debate that I love to sink my teeth into.

For bbg (Aaron/Aphamau/Zoey), they're all together! Both in MCD, and in MYS. It just... takes them a while to get there, with MCD being a general hellhole and MYS being a shitshow of romantic blunders. They're actually one of the few MCD relationships to label themselves as together, so much is happening at all times that a lot of the others just never have that talk, and because of this are one of the less complicated ones.

For gem (Katelynn/Travis/Lucinda/Jeffory) they are ALSO all together! Jeffory might seem like a weird addition since he's only commonly shipped with Katelynn, but the dynamic he brings in to every duo as more or less a Stable, Normal Guy with a Daughter™ is very fun to play around with.

In MCD it's a little tricky, because none of them ever really state their feelings outright. It's dancing around it and small actions, blush on Travis's cheeks, Katelynn's acceptance of touch, Lucinda's guard slowly going down for the two. And Jeffory... he's not out of the picture, but anything I can say about him is generally classed as one of the rare spoilers I can't talk about yet.

In MyStreet they have more time, and to no one's surprise, Travis was the one to fall first. I could make a whole multi-paragraph post on each individual polycule, but I'll say for now that my favorite running bit (starting all the way in PDH) is that Travis keeps physically running into Jeffory. Like face first into his chest.

I could rant for DAYS about the ways those four develop as individuals and in their relationships, but unfortunately I have others to explain in this post.

For cosplay (Michi/Dante/Nicole/Nana/Zane), it has slowly expanded from the conception of the rewrite. Originally it was just Dante/Nicole/Nana, and then Michi was added somewhere along the way, and very recently when we realized the person keeping us from having Zane/Nana in the first place wasn't actually giving much input, we added Zane. Because that ship has always been very precious to me.

They're a bit messy, if I'm honest, but complicated polycules are simply what happens when polyamorous characters are written by a polyamorous author.

Dante/Nicole/Nana are all holding hands and together, in every universe always. In MCD they actually end up with a third, magic-born kid.

Zane's inclusion, while mentioned a few times in MCD, is way more sidelined there. He's a major(ish) antagonist, and the discussion of how he went down such a bad road then vs. how he gets a redemption in MYS is very important.

In MYS though! He doesn't date everyone involved, I don't think he has the emotional bandwith for that. It's really funny that you used the Dante not dating Zane example, because the only two people Zane get with are Dante and Nana! It started with just Nana, but the rest of the group ended up hanging out with him more because of it. Before anyone really realized, Zane was being invited to cuddle piles and movie nights.

But yes, he's just platonic with Nicole and Michi.

Which brings me to Michi! Michi, Nana, and Nicole are a little trio unit, but she's queerplatonic with Dante and really enjoys fucking with Zane and pranking him.

In MCD her and Nana have something of an undefined relationship, Nana relates to her in a way. They're both immigrants from Tu'la, meif'wa generally outcasted and seen more as cute pets than people, and Nana tries to help her. It uh... doesn't go super well, unfortunately.

In MYS, Michi loves to blatantly copy Nana. She has a lot of struggles with her own identity, so she'll strongarm her way into Nana's workplace, or her street, or wherever she frequents. She'll tease and make fun of Nana, but Nana just... kind of doesn't see it? And greets that with kindness?

She meets Nicole separately from Nana, and is enamored by her sense of who she is.

Again: I could rant for DAYS about every bit of development and relationship, but I still have two relationships to go over.

Feral polycule holds a special place in my heart by basically being "all of Sol's fictional crushes except they kiss". Which is not a great reasoning, but from that their dynamics and relationship bloomed in a way where we actually just could not ignore it. They're also, all together. Again. Sorry chat I can't HELP IT I'm a sucker for a "they're all in love and smooch and hold hands" polycule.

In MCD they're... all over the place, representative of four vastly different lives. Vylad, a shadow knight raised as the youngest prince and almost forgotten by his parents in leu of his brothers. Blaze, the heir to a werewolf pack who's now out on his own. Kai, a refugee from Tu'la who has to grit his teeth and keep going (so that maybe one day he can find his sister). And Ein, a werewolf only accepted by O'khasis because the calamity he causes was useful enough to make him a Jury member.

They're all from... completely different worlds, but that makes them click so wonderfully. There's just enough commonality. I'm gettin repetitive by saying I could make a whole separate post about them, but I really do mean it. Both for their MCD dynamics, and for their MYS ones.

And in MYS... would you believe me if I said Blaze and Vylad are highschool sweethearts? It sounds stupid, but Vylad had an advanced chemistry class with Blaze way back in Junior year, and they kind of immediately clicked together.

Ein has been... changed quite a bit from canon. The weird pseudo-incest plot is gone, and his almost switch-flip in S2 of PDH isn't because he's a master manipulator or something. Since he latches on to the werewolf pack very early on in his PDH career, he also latches on to Blaze, and ends up meeting Vylad. His whole werewolf complex makes this dynamic SO fun to play with.

And Kai... to be honest, Kai's mostly out of the budding dynamic in the PDH days. I mean, he knows Vylad through Aphmau, but it's nothing big. He doesn't start getting closer to the three until college thanks to... you guessed it, shenanigans!

And finally, a simple one again, Rebel polycule (Gene/Sasha/Zenix) are once again all together. In MCD it's never outright said, but the three found solace in each other after dying. And in MYS? They're close friends from middle school.

Unrelated to the polycule, the Shadow Knights in PDH are really funny because Gene and Aphmau are cousins.

Laurance: Stay away from those guys, they're bad news.

Gene: ????I'm just asking her if Sylvanna's coming to sunday karaoke????

Starry.. hate fucking with rin I'm sorry I'm unwell i can't srop thinking about it OMFHFHF

beloved anon what have you done..... hate fucking with rin oh my God......

thinking abt how he hates you from the get-go and doesn't understand why. you're invading his thoughts every moment of the day and he hates it. he just can't stand you. he's so rude and mean to you all the time, doesn't even matter if you've even said anything to him yet, and it pisses you off. so now the two of you are always baring your teeth at each other at every opportunity. snipping at each other constantly and tearing into the throat of the other when you see that you hit deep. it boils over one day after practice.

#this got #way longer and more incredibly detailed than i thought it would SDSGJFSJGSG #sorry it took me so long to answer this love the brainworms have only been feeding me hiori and ness lately #and i wanted to give you a thoughtful response <33 #this is also my first time really writing something like this with so much detail so i hope you like it :'3 #starry.writes #starry.answers #starry.itoshi rin

Okay so short answer is "Five hates abginas siblings and wants to punch them in the face"

The longer actually helpful answer is that at first both Five and Abgina were convinced the Shrikes would show up any moment and they'd get out of the apocalypse. Five obviously still obsessively worked on the time travel math but for the first year or so the pressure wasnt quite as bad because they both assumed Abgina's siblings would show up soon and they'd get to be safe in her timeline. Then, once Five figured out the math, they'd come back to the TUA timeline and go stop the apocalypse

They were really relying on Abgina's family showing up. Five Needed them to show up. Otherwise her families fate and Abgina's fate and Dolores's fate is on her shoulders and that was just to much for Five to take.

Five gave up hope before the second year was over.

#This got #Very long #Abgina has existed for five years (ha Five) and I'm unfortunately not good at being concise about her lol #Last thing: abgina gave up hope for her siblings in her 40s #Even then she didn't blame them for ditching her cause abgina knew they did their best #Thank you for asking about her I love rambling about these two #Tua oc #glassfish rambles #Abgina Hargreeves #Apocalypse Abgina

ⁱ . hawkins has this funny way of turning bedrooms into exhibits. little dioramas of the lives people pretend to have when the curtain rises and the audience is there. chrissy cunningham's room was no exception to this requisite. or perhaps, she was the requisite meeting all of the qualifications perfectly. pastel walls washed in low lamplight, trophies and ribbons curated along shelves like devotional replicas, porcelain ballerinas mid-pirouette within glass domes. a vanity decorated in combs and brushes and perfumes and powders. this whole space hums with the delicacy of an up-scale mausoleum. this is not a bedroom nor living space, it's a set piece: a carefully staged vignette in good girl mythology. made to be admired and never disturbed. the carpet is too pale for dirt-ridden boots. that's the first thing his brain decides to latch onto, as if the real problem, the real wrongness is the possibility of mud streaks instead of the weight of nightmares. he hooks one heel against the edge of the window frame anyway, half-perched on it like some invasive species that's learned how to climb. denim creaking and leather an ink stain against all the softness. eddie feels enormous in here. not in an ego sort of way, but in that bull-in-a-china-shop sort of way. all rough fabrics and jangling chains.

this whole post-upside-down ritual ( if one can call scaling up the side of a cheerleader's house a ritual ) has become a quiet pattern. he taps the window with his knuckles once, twice, some code they never bothered to fully define. she always appeared, sometimes fast, sometimes slow. but consistently with that emptied out look around the eyes. like something is echoing in there that no one else can hear. and they talk usually. about what happened, about the past, about nothing at all. and someone realizes it's getting late and eddie leaves. that's the point in the ritual they're arrived to: him, folded onto the sill, one foot on the floor, one knee hitched, and trying to occupy as little space as possible. she sits on the bed, drawn up just enough where it may suggest tension. the living installation in a display marked everything's fine. well, it isn't. he knows it isn't. he can tell from the way her fingers might twist at the hem of her sleep shirt or the comforter, or the way her gaze skitters off any reflective surfaces like she's afraid of catching sight of something hovering over her shoulder. this house is quiet, but it's the wrong kind of quiet: not rest, but restraint. then she admits it. i hate being alone. @cunninghamtm that small, raw confession. the air seems to thicken, not theatrically or the way you'd see in movies. just .. materially. denser. oppressive.

#this got #unnecessarily long #like its a little obnoxious but just #scenebuilding shh #u do not have to match it but i might actually scream #this is so good.#ic. eddie #cunninghamtm

lesbian music: blasted

lesbian earrings: worn

pink beer: opened

lesbian aruani: written (well not really)

pillowcase: ripped? like THAT?

LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOO

#my writing #i think it's a normal writing process tbh nothing quirky #but it feels funny to think after a beer but again what doesn't #and the fact that it's fanfiction i am writing #i should get my life together #this got #personal #my post

hello i am having thoughts TM

and yes, these are cockles thoughts, and yes it’ll probably get a little tinhatty, but i don’t care. we’re doing what we’re doing tonight, aren’t we?

anyway, first of all, a label doesn’t define a relationship.

okay that’s out of the way.

onto what i think it’s going on.

i think...

that in the course of his marriage and experimentation and all that, over the years, it's mostly been with another women, by vicki's own words in her book. it feels like that was the trend. [...] ETA: i have changed this sentence to take out indications in the book that he may have been with men. i typed it odd and realized i implied that. [...] idk if it ticked enough boxes for him. labels mean different things to different people personally when presented with them.

time goes by, meets jackles. things hit off. a friend mentioned men in woods sounded tentative, and i agree, and i’m sure plenty of y’all felt that too. i am also one of those little monsters that thinks it’s about jackles, personally.

like he did not intiate anyhting in that poem. something happened in that poem for it to be included at the end of that section of love, especially when the first poem in that section is about someone else making, i assumed vicki, happier than misha made her feel. i’m free for different interpretations on that, since i’m admittedly not that great with poetry lol.

so the last poem to me, MIW, is about someone who makes him feel happy.

but god as my witness i don't think he thinks a a few trysts as part of a threesome or whatever with a dude over the course of his marriage and then one relationship that's really deep in several kinds of ways with one other man is enough to convince misha he's anything but straight with some fluidity thrown in there.

i think he's been opening up more, however. i and a lot of others, maybe you reading this was thinking that too. that cas and pride month post, wearing pride merch outside of pride month etc etc.

one thing from his thread that stood out to me was this

i think he needs to talk about it. Or wants to talk about it even. last week, or so, there was an article published by Natalie Fisher. in there she talked about that little cas essay thing that we always hoped he’d publish. in there he said this:

so i don’t think he thinks he’s queer enough to get a queer label or talk in these spaces.

before I go on, i just want to preface this by saying i do respect where he wants to land. if he says he’s something, by golly i’ll salute and say ‘yes sir’ because it’s his life and that’s what he wants. but straight doesn’t mean the frat bro down the road who has a massive pick up truck and will constantly tell you that it’s only boobs babes and beer in his brain. like that’s not everything.

there’s a no mans land between what someone can perceive bisexuality or pansexuality to mean, and what they perceive straight to be. i don’t know his definitions. i don’t know how he looks at these things. but we know he’s been kissed by another man, been on a camping trip with them, skinny dipped in a ‘shallow stream’. we also know his other little quips over the years that have indicated more or less why we thought he’d land in Queerland USA.

clearly that didn’t happen. and personally, and i’m not saying this to invalidate him, but personally i think what he needed is to talk to people about this. idk maybe he’s doing it IRL and we’re naturally not privvy to it. but again, i go back to this part of his tweet

and how he brought up even bisexuality in a little comment about being introverted or extroverted. he didn’t have to do that. and he didn’t have to make the other comments too.

i think he wants to discuss it, or wanted to.

but his quip [adhd is a curse] flew too close to the sun. i absolutely do not think the media would have picked up on it if we weren’t parading it around everywhere. but i also fault the media as well, publishing these articles about him without speaking with him, even getting facts wrong about his personal life. everyone has skin in this horribile game so we may as well own up to it. there’s no different between a reporter assuming what his words meant, and us assuming what his words meant.

so again, i do think that he wanted to talk about it but it’s been a hard conversation to have.

and now idk if we’ll ever get it.

the press got ahold of it and once it hit people magazine, i think this is what happened [warning, tinfoil on!]:

1) he now realized he couldn’t really talk about it anymore.

2) i truly think those articles were a little scary and was getting out of hand. the articles named his children and his ex wife. he has to make sure they’re okay. his kids are getting older, they’re online now. idk if they have twitter or anything but peers may, and peers may see his name trending and click on it wondering what’s going on. protect the family.

3) any confirmation that he considers himself slightly off the path of straight now opens up people to pry into his private life. you know what’s just beneath the surface of ‘is misha bi????’

cockles shit. you don’t think the press can find this stuff? someone posted about them living together after that tweet last summer, based off of information they had received [which, unrelated but slightly related, very not cool at all wtf]. you don’t think a journalist won’t find misha’s poly comments? his wife’s book? dig up old gossip on jensen of all people? and i bring him up especially because that man has already had gossip columnists accusing him of being gay since early in his career. there were gossip blogs claiming j2 were a thing so much — why would misha want him to go through that again? takes maybe a night of digging through things and receipts. we documented that shit well.

so that leads me to

4) protect friends, but especially jensen. like okay again, very VERY tinhatty, but if we’re taking an objective eye to this, it’s clear that even if they’re just friends, they’re pretty damn good friends. with all the jokes over the years, all of our own receipts and speculation, all of the past context a journalist needs to dig up rumors that jensen is, once again, ~*gaaay! oooohhh!!!*~ that’s not great news.

and from there that’s how Dee gets roped into it, that’s how THEIR kids get roped into it. they’ve had to deal with these allegations before, and they’re pretty private as a family. don’t want to drag people through that.

if misha decided to yoink a label that he didn’t feel comfortable yoinking in the first place, but decided to yoink a queer label without meaningful discussions with people about his sexuality, like he clearly has on his mind, then that would have opened up family, friends, family OF the friends, his whole life up, others’ whole lives up...

and we know what hollywood does to men when this happens.

no, i don’t think misha intentionally sabotaged himself in the name of cockles or whatever, but i do think this is a multi-faceted thing.

he’s straight, by his own definition. but it still doesn’t feel like the whole story. and all we can really do is just keep holding hands with him and hope one day there are things he can tell us.

#this got #way longer than intended #shellfish #for the blacklist #also please keep in mind?#if you're queer right now #what was your journey like?#i'll start:#i thought i was very straight until i got a crush on a friend #the crush scared me because it came out of no where and i didn't expect ofr it to happen #the friend identified as a girl at the time tho it's not like we knew there were other options available #but anyway #i was calling myself straight until right when i broke up with my third boyfriend #realizing i can't be with someone while i still had a crush on this girl #but that's okay i'm not straight but at least i'm bisexual! right? i #can still like boys #and still be 'normal'#keep in mind this is very early 2010s and there was still very little community support and discusison about this #my greatest fear was someone thinking i was completely gay #my absolute greatest fear was no longer having a shred of desire in my body for a man because i felt that #identifying as a lesbian would cause a whole host of issues for me #i didn't want to engage in the community i didn't want to suddenly deal with the issue of finding a girlfriend #and indeed i still haven't #i didn't want to deal with the pain of having another crush only to have it be completely unavailable for me #with men i still had options in my head #with just women i felt like i was being punished #i didn't accept i was a lesbian until like 3-4 years ago #it took me that long #i'm 31 now #oh no i ran out of tags

Just because people aren't always able to help, does not make you or your needs a burden. Sometimes people have conflicting needs, especially with multiply disabled households and that's okay, and that does not make you or the other person bad and does not make you incompatible. reach out for help from multiple sources and people, maybe something one friend absolutely cannot help you with will be something another friend can and this can even change day-to-day

You are never a burden for having needs. And others are never bad for being unable to meet certain needs sometimes. And even then you deserve to have those needs met. Even if that means trusting more than one person with those needs, because no one can do everything. But I promise it will be okay, I promise your friends love you and your disability even when they need to step back, and I promise you are never a burden. No matter how much or how little help you need or if the help you need is not obtainable right this second, it's a hard thing to balance, but no matter what you are not a burden, you are a person worthy of care and respect

[idk if I explained any of this right but just some hard positivity I've been trying to learn, sometimes disability is complicated especially when multiple peoples accommodations conflict. And sometimes it can get frustrating when everyone's needs are not being met or /cant/ be met because both people are disabled. its hard, its frustrating, its complicated but it does not make you a bad person for having needs.

One important note: Its completely valid for a friend, partner or family member to need a break and not be able to meet someones needs all the time. This same thing does /not/ apply to legal or assigned medical caretakers to the same extent. Some jobs require someone to absolutely meet all or at least most of your needs, especially if there are contracts or payments. Someone can be removed from your case if they genuinely cant handle everything, but they cant continue working with you if they cant fully help you. There is a difference between asking another disabled friend for help and asking a professional for medical support]