“just nod your head.”
summary: four months of trying to convince yourself that you were fine without him later, you saw him again and he once again showed you why you loved him so much.
word count: 4k
genre: ex-lovers!au | angst with a happy ending
note: this one is for all of us mino girls out here, struggling to find any winner content. i got you, bitches. pictures are from @winnermillions
You were fighting a battle against your drunk self, your heart against your head, your hidden feelings against the words you told yourself over and over again, for months and months.
‘You don’t need him anymore. You don’t want him anymore.’ But the more you tried to convince yourself, the more you tried to forget about the suppressed memories, locked somewhere deep in the back of your brain, the more you felt like failing. How long would it take you to finally get over him?
Your eyes started to burn, not even blinking, as you blankly stared at his name on your phone, wanting to call him so bad but knowing you shouldn’t.
God, you missed him. Scoffing to yourself, you finally had to admit it to yourself: Maybe, after all the endless tries to convince yourself, you still weren’t over Song Minho. And how could you get over him? It felt almost impossible, no matter how hard you tried to avoid him.
Taking a deep breath you shook your head as if it would help you find happier thoughts. Seunghoon’s bathroom suddenly felt so small and constraining, as if you had no room to breathe. It was time to get up and leave the bathroom, get back to the party and act as if everything was fine, you knew that, but today it felt harder than usual.
Your thoughts were interrupted by someone knocking against the door and asking for you and for once, you were rather thankful to be interrupted while being in the bathroom.
“Come in. I didn’t lock it.”, you said, knowing it was Jinwoo on the other end of the door.
Cautiously, he opened the door to check on you. By now he knew you way too well and without having to say anything, he immediately understood what was going on.
He sat down beside you on the cold floor, his back resting on the bathtub just like yours, two red cups of alcohol in his hands.
“Thought you might want to drown your feelings in alcohol.”, he said soft, a slight comforting smile on his face.
“Did I ever tell you that I love you?”, you asked your friend with the face of an angel before taking a bit gulp of the strong liquor in your cup. It tasted terrible but after all the years, you somehow got used to Jinwoo’s terrible drinks.
He chuckled before giving you a pitiful glance, “Are you ever going to talk to us about it? Or at least to me?”
Sighing, you pressed your lips into a thin line. The music from behind the door was loud and you could feel the bass in your body, despite being in a different room. Certainly, everyone was having fun but for you and you started to feel bad - you definitely never intended to be a killjoy.
“I’m fine, really. Just a bad day.”, you promised him, giving him a bright smile as if to prove that he didn’t have to worry about you.
Scoffing, he shook his head, “You’re a bad liar, (y/n).”
For a minute the two of you just sat in silence, your head resting on his shoulder. Mino and you broke up four months ago and ever since then, you avoided each other as good as possible. The break up wasn’t ugly or dramatic, it was a mutual one, knowing that sometimes the right people meet at the wrong time.
Looking back at it now you hated how mature you tried to be, always understanding every point Mino made and agreed that it was the best to part like this. Both of you wanted to cause no damage but now it felt like you were both just too afraid to fight for something good.
“I’ll be fine.”, you said again, this time more honest. Maybe you weren’t fine right now, but one day you would be.
“I know.”, Jinu said quietly, looking up to the ceiling, “But right now you’re not.”
“I drank too much.”, you whispered, “I get sentimental when I drink.”
“He’s trying to avoid the topic just as much as you.”, he said and for a second your heart froze. The boys tried to not mention him around you, not wanting to upset or hurt you. Sometimes you wondered if they talked to him about you, if they knew how he was handling things, but you never dared to ask.
They were your friends, sure, they would tell you if you asked but you felt like it was hard enough for them to find a balance between you and Mino. In the end, they were Mino’s friends as much as they were yours and even though no one would admit it, the break up affected them too. Starting with small things like feeling awkward around you when Mino’s name was mentioned and ending with more complicated things like making sure that you weren’t invited to the same party.
In very frustrating moments like these you wished they’d just invite both of you. It was quite weird to wish for something so bad while knowing how much it would hurt you. Seeing him would feel painful, like a dagger that gets twisted in your heart but sometimes you thought that at least you’d feel something then.
But you were just dramatic in that moment. Most days you were fine, laughing and loving the world and almost glowing a little bit. Today was just a bad day.
Once again, a long sigh before you suddenly got up, your closest friend looking at you in confusion.
“What are you doing?”, he asked amused at your sudden change of mood.
“We’re going to get wasted.”, you said determinedly.
He laughed at you, “Didn’t you just say you drank too much?”
Rolling your eyes playfully, you opened the door of the bathroom, shrugging lightly, “You can try to stop me. Or you can have a good time with me. It’s up to you.”
He joined you and together, you started to dance in the middle of the living room, surrounded by many other people doing the same. It was loud and you and Jinwoo tried to have a conversation while dancing but fastly gave up, your conversation only consisting of ‘What?’ and ‘I didn’t hear you.’.
Looking around, you felt a bit better. You saw Seungyoon dancing with the rest, his cup in the air and an energetic smile on his face. Seunghoon was chatting up a girl in the corner of his living room and she seemed to be interested. Good for him. There were many more people you recognized and greeted while dancing, the atmosphere making you feel lighter and washing your sorrows away slowly.
One hour, two broken glasses, three beers, four shots and five random people making out later you noticed Seunghoon standing in the kitchen all alone, talking to someone on the phone. Of course, that alone wasn’t anything suspicious but the look on his face definitely was - he almost seemed panicked, something rather unusual for your most carefree friend.
Concentrating on every step you took, trying not to trip, you walked over to him to check if he’s okay. He was still on the phone when you arrived in the kitchen, looking at you with his eyes wide open.
“Dude, don’t be like this.”, he whispered, almost acting a bit secretive, “You’ll only hurt yourself. And her.”
“What’s going on?”, you asked him quietly and he strongly shook his head, as if something terrible was about to happen.
“(Y/n). Wait a second.”, he said to you, covering the microphone on his phone before turning his attention back to the person on the other side, “I have to go. Please, think before you act.”
And with that, he hung up.
“What was that about?”, you asked him curiously. Something was definitely wrong.
“Do you wanna take a walk?”, he suddenly asked you, scratching the nape of his back.
Pinching your eyes, you gave him a mean glance, “Seunghoon, what are you keeping from me?”
Before he could answer, Seungyoon joined the two of you, also looking as if he just saw a ghost. He fastly exchanged a glance with Seunghoon, trying to be as careful as he could but you noticed.
“Okay guys, now you’re just being weird.”, you pouted, wondering if you did something wrong, “Is anyone going to talk to me?”
“Yes.”, Seungyoon said, putting his arm around your shoulder, “Let’s talk outside.”
Uncomfortable was the word that would describe the current atmosphere the best, followed by rushed and maybe even a bit worried. Knowing the guys wouldn’t give in you decided to join Seungyoon on his way out, just wanting to know what exactly was going on and why everyone seemed to be in the picture except for you.
Pushing yourself through the crowd of people, Seungyoon was talking to you but you were looking around for Jinwoo because he still had your phone.
When you found Jinwoo you froze in place at the sight of the man next to him. Two pairs of eyes were already looking at you, seeming to be just as taken aback as you were. Mino was standing across from you, only a few steps away, nothing but a few people dancing in between you two. It felt like ages since you were so close to him - but this time, you couldn’t just walk over to him and give him a kiss. No matter how close he was physical, he still was so far away.
First, you felt a strange wave of nothing, you couldn’t hear the music or feel Seungyoon’s grip on your wrist. To you, it seemed like no one was moving around you, as if your whole surroundings just disappeared.
Shortly after that, you felt everything. Never before have you felt so many emotions before, some stronger than others. Your emotions changed within fractions of seconds, first, you felt confused, wondering what he was doing here. Then you felt peaceful, seeing the person you missed so much right in front of you. After that, you felt lonely, almost even isolated from him, knowing he wasn’t yours anymore. A rush of anger came over you, wondering what exactly he was doing here even though he knew you were here, as if he wanted to hurt you on purpose. But then that wave washed away again, feeling pitiful, because you could see in his eyes that he was going through the exact same you were going through right now.
When you could finally catch a breath again you felt completely overwhelmed. To be honest, you didn’t know how to feel. Should you be happy or sad or angry?
Starting to realize the people around you and the music again you looked away from him but could feel his eyes still were glued to your body.
You looked at Seungyoon, a helpless expression written all over your face.
“I’m so sorry.”, he said to you, “We told him not to come but he-”
For a second he fell silent, looking for the right words. Words that wouldn’t hurt you, words that would give you a good feeling.
“He insisted. He wanted to see you.”, he gulped, “Do you want to go outside?”
For a second you looked over to Mino again, he seemed to feel vulnerable and even though, you didn’t want to hurt him, you had to have a second to yourself.
Forcing yourself to break away from his eyes, you walked straight to the door, not caring if you were bumping into other people. Seungyoon was following you, sitting down beside you on the bench in front of Seunghoon’s building.
Caring, he put his jacket around your shoulders, knowing you’d shake enough from your feelings, so you didn’t have to shiver from the cold in addition.
“He is drunk.”, your friend said, his arm around your shoulder to comfort you a bit. It’s not like you were crying or even saying anything, somehow you didn’t feel sad. A few hours ago you sat in the bathroom, wanting to call him but you didn’t expect to actually see him tonight.
“I know we never talked about it but I need to know.”, you said, your lip was trembling while you spoke, your eyes glued to the ground. It was the middle of the night and you were drunk, so you had to force yourself to sober up to avoid stupid decisions, “What did he tell you about how he handles the break-up?”
Yoon let out a long sigh, knowing he owes you this conversation.
“He doesn’t talk about it a lot. You two are very similar when it comes to that point.”, he scoffed to himself, knowing it was hard to read the two of you, “But we’re not dumb, you know. We know Mino and he’s a bit torn. I think he regrets a lot of things but also tries to get over you.”
Now you were the one scoffing, “That truly sounds similar.”
“Lately, he gets drunk a lot and tries to somehow distract himself but it doesn’t seem to work. He asks about you a lot when he drinks.”, Seungyoon chuckled, “It would be quite cute if it wasn’t such a sad situation. I thought he’s finally letting go but now he’s here so I guess I was wrong.”
Suddenly, Jinwoo came running up to you, almost a bit out of breath, pointing to Seungyoon, “Get upstairs and take care of him. I’ll talk to (y/n).”
Agreeing, the two of them gave each other a worried glance before Seungyoon left you alone with Jinwoo.
“Do you want to leave?”, he asked you, “If this is too much for you, you can stay at my place.”
Shaking your head, you shrugged, “What does he want?”
“I’m not sure. He only tells me that he wants to talk to you.”
“I’m so confused.”, you laughed like a crazy woman, still not knowing what to think, “Is he drunk? Angry? Sad? What in the world is going on, Jinwoo?”
“He seems calm. Not too drunk, just really desperate to talk to you.”, he gave you a small smile.
Interrupting the two of you, Mino was walking out of the door, looking at you, “Talk to me.”, he said loudly, not daring to walk over to the bench you were sitting on.
Your friend next to you gave you a questioning look, “Should I go?”
After you gave him a small nod he got up and you waited where you were for Mino to come over to you.
He stood in front of you, his now red hair looked frizzy and you wanted to scold him for not taking better care of it, you told him a thousand times to used conditioner.
“Can I sit down? Or do you want to take a walk?”, his voice was still sweet like honey and he bit his lip nervously, a habit you always thought was rather cute. It was ridiculous how weak you were for him after all - you should feel angry at him for ruining this party and just show up after four months of silence but after all, he was your Mino. Nothing mattered when he was around you, it has always been like that.
“Let’s take a walk.”, you said, getting up and breathing in sharply, hoping the cold night air would sober you up.
He was right beside you and your eyes were glued to your shadow on the street, making him look so much taller than you. It felt strangely familiar to walk next to each other like that, as if you just did it yesterday, except for the tense atmosphere between you.
“Talk.”, you said coldly after a few steps. The streets were wet and you had to be careful with every step you took. You didn’t want to sound mean but it was your defense mechanism, better mean than vulnerable.
“I didn’t think I’d get this far.”, he admitted, “So I don’t know how to start.”
“Why are you here, Mino? We haven’t talked in months and now you suddenly can’t wait anymore?”, you asked, looking up at him. It’s been too long since you were this close to his face and it was still as breathtaking as you remembered it to be.
His eyes met yours and you could swear that he was pouting a bit at the sight of you being so close to him.
He gulped before looking back to the street, walking very slowly.
“It’s our anniversary.”, he said quietly.
Immediately you let out a small gasp, realizing today’s date. You completely forget. “It would have been three years today.”, you said just as quiet as he did before, a wave of bittersweet melancholy washing over you.
“It’s not fair of me to just come here and ruin your evening, I’m sorry, it was thoughtless. But I saw a picture of you on snapchat and before I knew, I was on my way here.”, he said, his hands in his pockets and his shoulder brushing yours every now and then.
For a second no one said anything, both of you trying to figure out what to do next while your feet were carrying you around the neighborhood.
Without any warning, Mino suddenly stopped in his place, looking at a wall. Immediately, you froze too, wondering what happened to him.
“What happened?”, you suddenly asked him, taking a step closer to him. He looked like he saw a ghost, his face pale.
Pointing to a wall, a small smile formed on his face, “Don’t you remember?”
Looking around you realized what he was talking about. You chuckled, “Our first kiss.”
“It’s been so long.”, he said, almost looking a bit happy, “I can’t believe we had our first kiss against a wall in some weird alley like this.”
“It was romantic.”, you shrugged, “Don’t talk bad about it.”
Now he gave you a real smile, one that actually reached his eyes, “It was awkward. I remember asking you if it was okay.”
“Very polite of you.”, you said amused, “You told me to just nod my head if I’d want it too.”
“I remember that.”, he leaned against the wall. More than three years later, he still was the most handsome man to you even though his appearance changed so much. The young boy now was a man, tattoos and piercings decorating his body. His face looked older now, his features sharper and you wouldn’t say this out loud because he’d be insecure about it but he slowly started to get wrinkles on his forehead even though he still was a bit too young for that.
It felt peaceful to just be with him, it felt so right and easy. But you knew that it wasn’t. After all, you two broke up because you had reasons for it.
“Mino, let’s talk.”, you said a bit more serious again, “We drifted apart. Some days we only fought, not saying a single nice word to each other. It’s good to see you but let’s not forget about how sad the ending was.”
You were standing opposite him, the distance between you wasn’t too big but still big enough to stop yourself from doing something you might regret later. The smile on his face vanished and he nodded, feeling guilty, “It’s still sad.”, his voice was quiet.
“The ending is still very sad, (y/n).”, he repeated himself, this time a bit clearer before running his hand through his hair, “So many things remind me of you and I miss you. I know we mutually agreed to break up but I wish I hadn’t.”
That’s exactly what you thought, too. You two should have tried harder instead of just ending things, you knew that now. But still, you were afraid of hurting even more if you tried again and failed a second time. You decided to stay quiet and let Mino continue to talk for now.
“Can I ask you something?”, he didn’t look at you, his glance avoiding yours.
“Sure.”, you simply answered, a bit anxious.
“Did you ever think about calling me? Like, did you ever almost dialed my number but then decided against it?”
You took a deep breath, “Sure I did.”
Apparently, he still knew you better than anyone else. It hit you like the cold night air hit your face.
“When did you do that the last time?”, he asked again, once again hitting the mark.
“About four hours ago.”, you admitted, almost mumbling because you somehow felt ashamed of him reading you like a book.
He suddenly looked into your eyes, a pained expression in his eyes, his eyebrows narrowed. It seemed like he didn’t expect that answer.
“(Y/n).”, his hand reached out for yours and you took it without giving it a second thought, “I know we fell apart but I want us back together.”
There you stood, in front of Mino, holding his hand, only a small distance between the two of you. He looked down into your eyes and you let out a sigh, not knowing what to say.
“You don’t have to say anything.”, he almost whispered, gently holding your chin in his free hand, “Just nod your head if I can kiss you.”
You nodded slowly, chuckling slightly because of the cheesy remark you heard once before. Mino’s lips found yours and a small firework was going off inside your stomach. His lips were soft and warm in contrast to the cold night sky. Your nose brushed his and his thumb was caressing your jawline as he carefully moved your bodies so your back was leaning against the wall, his chest pressing against yours.
It reminded you a lot of your first kiss, except this one was more passionate, a certain degree of longing in it. He freed his hand from yours just to grab your waist, pulling you closer to him.
Slowly breaking away from the kiss, he gave your forehead a kiss, one of his hands in your hair.
You looked at him and he looked at you, his eyes full of love and relief. It has been too long since you felt this alive and you didn’t ever want to lose that feeling again.
“I could get used to the lip ring.”, you joked lightly, wanting to see his smile.
And he gave you one, a big and bright one, one that you missed so much.
“I love you, (y/n).”, he said reassuring, “Now let me kiss you again and again and again, please.”
“Sounds like a perfect night to me.”
