#moody thoughts

[2005swan]

Bella swan aesthetic moodboard ⋆˚࿔

[faiiryhaze]

I’m so tired of being asked to “adjust.” Tired of extroverts mistaking noise for connection. Tired of the silence between people who never learned how to hold space.

Tired of a society that repeats the same cycle, but swears they’re “not part of the problem.” I’m tired of pretending I don’t notice. Tired of caring when no one else listens.

Just…tired.

[qsplaylist]

take your time ♫₊˚.🎧✩｡

for the anxious girlies who feel like the world is spinning a lil too fast

not everything has to happen fast. as someone who is extremely impatient, this comes hard to swallow, but it's very important. sometimes some things are better when enjoyed slowly, savored.

stop measuring yourself against the clock. you are not late. growth, healing, self-discovery, learning, creativity; all these wonderful things that make us who we are, that give us humanity, don't ever run on deadlines. you are arriving just when you're meant to.

move quietly but with purpose. not all progress has to be loud. some of the best changes happen in silence when there's nobody but yourself to witness.

do more things slowly. instead of typing your notes, try writing them by hand this time. take a walk. let yourself breathe. when you commute, take time to listen. when you sip a warm drink, take time to savor the smell. observe the things around you. people-watch.

let yourself be a work in progress. not everything needs to be figured out right now. we live in a world so focused on outcomes and looking productive that we often abandon true growth and meaningful output. the version of you that is still changing, still learning, still uncertain, is still worthy.

you are not falling behind. you are not running out of time. soon, everything will fall into place. you are amazing, you are enough, and you are moving at your own perfect pace.

sending even more best wishes to all the anxious internet people out there. you deserve the world <333

sincerely yours, q's playlist

[whiskeyworen]

Secrets of the Obscure: Lost Commander

Playing through the first sections of Secrets of the Obscure, it got me thinking.

The Commander is lost.

Since the beginning of the game, when we take hold of them, they've had some kind of mission, some kind of goal. It started out small; help out in Shaemoor when things go bad. Or end a nasty Inquest prank/assault by destroying their cube golem. Or help put down Lord Barradine's ghost (again). Or literally defend the Dream from the psychic marring the Nightmare Court are trying to inflict on it in the hopes of spoiling the Dream into the Nightmare. Or taking part in a celebratory hunt and taking down the biggest Ice wurm to date.

From there it just snowballed for them with the Personal story, leading up to joining an Order, meeting their mentor… losing their mentor… Creating the pact and eventually bringing down Zhaitan.

And it kept going from there. One crisis after another. One war after another. Friends gained. Friends lost. Enemies found. Enemies ended. World saved, again, and again, and again.

Finally, things are falling into a nominal peace. Oh there's skirmishes and stuff. There will always be strife. But the big stuff? The world is starting to slowly move past it.

Human and Charr not only have a tenuous peace treaty; the heads behind the resistance to that treaty are GONE. Almost every main legion is headed by someone ameniable to peace, to a new way of life.

The Nightmare Court, while not gone, doesn't seem to have the violence they used to. Oh they still tempt the new sprouts to join them, to indulge in pain and decadence and rebellion… but with Faolain dead, the guiding source for their brutality is gone. Maybe they'll be trouble in the future, but not nearly to the degree Faolain turned them into.

The Inquest have lost base after base, including a Rata. It's unknown what their command structure is like now, or where other bases are, but they seem to at least be keeping their heads down. And with the Arcane Eye taken down, they don't have anyone on the inside anymore, to cover up their misdeeds.

The White Mantle are dead or badly scattered, with no real hope of reforming.

The Svanir have lost their totem beast, if not their lives. If they still linger on, they're no longer the power they tried to be.

Even Joko is finally dead. One of the biggest damned threats to the world, someone who would have killed and turned everyone if given a chance, is now Elder Dragon burps.

The Gods are gone, never to return. The one that tried to is dead.

Through all this, the Commander struggled, trying to save as many as they could. Eventually rising to become the Symbol of the desire for peace and stability.

And it finally happened.

But what do we find? The Commander is… lost. Everyone they knew is either dead, retired, has moved on to positions where they can no longer 'go on adventures'. The threats that brought them all together are gone. Now it's just the wind-down. Fix broken things, find the lives they left behind to fight their fight.

Except the Commander.

They don't have anything else. Their whole existence for the last 10 years has been nigh-constant fighting, threat, intrigue, near-dying, and ACTUAL dying.

Everyone else has moved on. But the Commander can't. What can they do?

It's so terribly sad. I listened to my Commander, Cyrus. My own self-insert. Walking around Salma district. He was relieved that things were peaceful, but you could tell he didn't feel at home. He didn't feel at home, at HOME. Because it wasn't home anymore. It was just a place he protected for a long time.

When he was trying out Taimi's new phone system (I just think of it as the smartphone system), with each call, it was clear that everyone had moved on but him. They'd all found lives to life, new purposes, new loves…. old loves…

And here you have him, standing alone in the street, unnoticed by everyone but a nosey reporter from Cantha. At a loss for what to do with himself.

Going back a step, even the triple-'date' Taimi set up to help Rama was awkward as hell. It wasn't the Commander's idea; they got hijacked into it. Even had their date pretty much picked out for them. As pleasant as it was, and as relaxed as it made them in the end, it was an oddity in their life. When was the last time they'd had a date? Before the Personal Story, somewhere? Maybe never? Was that the FIRST date the Commander had ever had?

It just kinda made me sad that, they knew they were basically going through the motions of 'normal life', because it wasn't normal to THEM. Trying to fit in to a world that no longer needed them.

If it wasn't for accidentally stumbling onto the Astral Ward, I don't think they would have been able to settle into a normal life.

But it still doesn't end there; accidentally brought into association with the Ward, they run into perhaps the ONE other person who might understand that sense of emptiness, that loss of the sense of home. Zojja.

And in her usual faintly self-centered way, you find out she blames the Commander partly for not being there when she needed someone. The one person who not only would have been there if contacted, but ALSO needed someone to confide in, to take some of the weight off them…

It hurt to hear Cyrus very slowly say "We would have come. I know I would've." There was pain there. Like 'You really thought we'd abandon you, so you immediately discounted us.'

So here's Zojja, the last of the people he knew from being the Commander who hasn't yet disappeared… and she's telling him that if she Ascends to Wizard, she'll lose memories, or they'll be come dull and unimportant. That the Zojja that comes out the other side might not even view him as a friend anymore.

And the Commander, already knowing he's probably going to lose his last friend, can only offer an understanding, painful smile and tell her that no matter what, he'll support her, even if she doesn't recognize him anymore.

They'll call him Wayfinder in the Ward… but it's just a new war front. A new rank. A new title. And he'll have to start over again.

At least he'll have R'tchikk to remind him of a past that's already starting to fade away in Tyria.

Everyone in the Ward knows of the Commander; they've been watching through their crystal balls, wondering if the Commander was a big enough threat that they'd need to quietly eliminate them. But now that the Commander is right there, the Ward is going to use them as a new weapon.

And we all know the Commander is just going to accept that this is what they're gonna have to do because… what's the alternative? At least they know how to fight.

[moody-orbit]

I cannot ever be what I am not and I am done trying. I am not a sunny summer morning but a cool, damp fall afternoon.

[cry1ncolour]

Nostalgia 2016 🔮

[cry1ncolour]

Maybe betrayal isn’t so bad….,,,

[starfacedgirl]

i follow the weeping willows with my eyes

the moss leaving pathways down my thighs

i'm consumed by the dirt and it's killing me

hitch in my voice and i fall fast asleep

nightmares roam and doubt still lingers

blood dripping down each of my finger tips

i savor the flavor, metal is a luxury

don't want to feel numb but i'm mad at the anger

who let this in and why won't it stop

the risk of being hurt or feeling nothing at all

but the oceans that reside within this very being

want me to jump head first without even thinking

but i run too much from my own damn mind

i question too much without looking for answers

i sigh just for a break in the silence

and agree just so someone can owe me a favor

⭒˚.⋆starfacedgirl⋆.˚⭒