#mostly rambles

[4-0-doublenatural]

Sometimes I think about how different B.J. and Hawkeye's lives were before they met and probably after they parted.

Hawkeye comes from this small town, his father is a poor country doctor who would take kittens for payment. He worked in tourist hotels and other jobs to afford school. When he lived in Boston not only was he enthusiastic about his residency, but he also worried about money and cited it as a reason why he didn't propose to Carlye.

(Hawkeye's background can be inconsistent at times. A practice gets mentioned once or twice, but the most consistent background seems to be worked in a hospital in a city before being drafted.)

Then you have BJ who came from three generations of doctors (and probably not small town doctors), went to Standford and came first in his class. Belonged to a country club, lived in the suburbs, bought beach front property. He even had a connection that offered to get him out of the draft, but he believed in the system and refused. He gets upset when Peg has to work at a cafe where their friends often go.

Rambles under the cut...

B.J. being such a nonconformist with his mustache, suspenders, pink shirt, and motorcycle makes me wonder if the seed of it was planted long before he got drafted, and how he'll settle back into this structured suburban upper/middle class life. I think he mentions planning to open his own practice early on, but considering all his research and creativity in the O.R. I wouldn't be surprised if he wants a fast paced hospital position, or to get a second certification.

B.J.: we could see each other at conferences.

And Hawkeye immediately shooting this down saying neither of them are the type to attend. B.J. agrees, but I think B.J. IS actually the type to attend. B.J. from the very beginning has been shown to be ambitious and competitive. He's the one always reading journals and bringing it into the O.R. Even in the middle of Korea he wants to stay at the top of his game. Hawkeye has blown off confences because he believes what is being taught will not be actively useful to the type of surgery he's doing in a MASH unit until he's proven wrong. He keeps up with his reading, but he isn't looking at these experimental techniques and seeing ways to apply them like B.J. is, or when he does it's because B.J. has spoken about the technique he read about and Hawkeye will have B.J. preform it as he has the most understanding of it.

I think for B.J. being a doctor was an expectation and a career goal. He wanted to be the best at it because there's legacy behind him and he's a naturally competitive person. The war put his life off it's trajectory, but it might have set him up for a more fulfilling career in the future where he'll be able to pursue what he's interested in rather than what's expected as the optimum career option, and with his drive and ambition he'll probably succeed. He'll always resent the war for what it took from him though.

Hawkeye has an ego about his own skills, but it comes from often being the smartest, quickest guy in the room. He's not ambitious and he's not as competitive about being a doctor as B.J. and Charles accuse him of being (both of whom are often putting themselves in competiton with with Hawkeye). He doesn't chase fame, but he resents those he views as less talented getting accolades (or in Charles case early on, caring more about ego/accolades than about patient care). Being a doctor is a vocation. He'd do it rich or poor. He hates being in the army doing surgery in such bad conditions, but he'll work with an injured finger, he'll force himself to go in a cave, he'll turn down a general offering him a position in Tokyo because he wants to be in the place he'll do the most good. Radar accuses him of being a hypocrite when he gets angry that Radar wants to stay thinking the 4077 can't survive without him. He says if their positions were reversed Hawkeye would stay too.

This isn't to say Hawkeye is particularly brave or noble (he has his moments as every character in the show does), he's simply unable to ignore the part of him that is a doctor. A part so intrinsic to him his girlfriend left him because she didn't want to be second to it.

In the end Hawkeye, who is the hot shot chest cutter at the beginning of the war will probably settle in his little hometown with no desire for a big career which he may have pictured when he first went to the city. He wants to know his patients and form bonds and connections with them because it's impossible for him to be impartial and removed after his experience and traumas as an army surgeon.

Is the only place they could have been together war torn Korea? It's not that I think they'd ever lose affection for each other, but if they did try to build lives together or closer to one another what would they each be willing to change or give up?

[b3d-bugz]

With having to draw these party interactions it’s really been getting me thinking about very specific things…

Especially Morton, I know for a fact if Possum and Morton shared a space it wouldn’t work out at first, the bug man being way to protective of any junk that comes in a five foot mile radius

Of course possum would try and appease him by giving him more of their share, but I feel it becomes a weird Junk courting ritual by the end of it. Or it would end up with Morton immediately attacking them and it becomes a feral dust cloud (it’s also courting)

I feel the only way to properly explore their relationship would be in writing… so if anyone’s interested in writing requests for look outside let me know!

[flowerbarrel-art]

Orange fighting Euler’s identity (equation? formula? theory? I have to admit I’d never heard about this equation until now and only know a teeny bit about it from research) reminded me of how Chosen fought Clippy.

I’m just hoping if Orange does defeat Euler and possibly other mathematical equations that people can still use them on the internet and in programs. Hopefully a Stick figure defeating an equation doesn’t erase it from existence or something, despite how badly I sometimes wished that would happen when I was in school. Not a Stick figure doing it, just somehow in general.

If Chosen and Dark hadn’t destroyed Alan’s PC he still probably would’ve been able to use Clippy after restarting Microsoft Word. His essay still would’ve been toast though.

[nbwriteschaos]

my 2022 reads in short reviews/rambles (1/3)

so i finished 2022 with 9 books! i know that's nothing compared to a lot of avid readers and writers, but to me it's like a miracle. i never have the time or the motivation/energy to pick up a book that much, so i'm giving myself alllll the credit for that. so, in honor of the new year, i'm gonna give some "short" "reviews" that i keep writing on a whim at 3 am for with only my memory for reference :) enjoy

COLD: Mariko Tamaki. 3/5 "(Y/A) A novel about a shocking crime, shared from the ghostly point of view of the victim, and a girl who just wants to know why all of this has happened."

OK SO. i'm not one to read murder mysteries, so this was a first for me. i think i found it and read it very spontaneously through my library app, enthralled as it was like the only lgbt+ available to be read immediately and i was desperate. i found todd's (one of our very important main characters!) point of view incredibly captivating. it was interesting to see things told from a... ghostly side? that's not something i personally have ever seen before in a novel and i loved it. each character had an individual reason for being a part of the story and they were all unique and written quite well! i found the investigators really fun to keep up with. the only thing i really noticed and was bugged about considering that it was my first murder mystery read was that the outcome with the killer was easy to predict after viewing other characters point of views. besides that, the way queerness, homophobia, justice systems and death was handled was so delicate and just... great compared to many of the lgbt novels i've read that just seem to fall carelessly flat about these very real, very serious issues. the ending came pretty quick, but i found it satisfying enough to close the book and feel as if i was leaving an old friend on-- melancholic-- but good terms.

THE DARKNESS OUTSIDE US: Eliot Schrefer. 5/5

"(Y/A) Two sworn enemies, alone in space, neither remembering how they got there, just that they must continue scrambling to fix up a spaceship to finish their voyage, save a sister, and find a new planet-- a new home."

let me tell you. i have a lot to say about this book, and i don't think i could ever stop. even after a year, i am still thinking about this book. it is a masterpiece. from the cover to the writing, to the characters to the plot and plot twists-- this book has got me quite literally fucked up. i'll try to keep my rambling to a minimum here, but honestly, don't even read the reviews. don't read the descriptions and blurbs and summaries etc etc. just get this book and read it because it's best to avoid any sort of spoilers at all costs. you probably hopefully won't regret it. from the very beginning, i was flipping page after page, completely intrigued and full of questions. the detail in the writing is incredibly vivid and beautiful, yet also straight forward and to the point. it leaves room for the appropriate questions, but answers to the ones that should be obvious enough. and i'll be honest, that's what i need in writing, because i need things spelled out in great detail for me to understand. i found that by the end, this book does this quite well. the characters are written with such attention to detail, with care and interest to who they are, who they were, and who they will be. they both have their own challenges and goals, and the complexity of their relationship is so... Good. it's not fist clenching, eye rolling, painstaking hatred towards each other where eventually they just start liking each other and kiss for no apparent reason. it's a real example of coexistence and maturity despite differences, and shows incredible examples of how character, relationship growth and dynamics should work out in stories. i will say, the soft character x super strong mean character trope always gets me, so maybe i'm biased. idc. the plot works with them so well too and continues their growth both individually and relationship wise and i'm OBSESSED with that. and you know what? the plot would have worked without any romance at all. if anything, i think romance was the least of the books concerns. it was just a cherry on top. the plot moves through events quick, but said events keep going. this isn't necessarily a bad thing at all, in fact i think that's what makes this book so great. the pacing is amazing for what is delivered throughout the story and it keeps you on your toes, wondering through tears and smiles and confusion and sheer horror, "what's next?" over and over and over again. and the ending. oh boy. it really is just like *chefs kiss*. i think this book really hits the nail on the head for everything i enjoy, and god DAMN did i enjoy this.

ONE LAST STOP: CASEY MCQUISTON. 3.5/5

"(Y/A) After moving to New York City, August deals with her fair share of strange roommates, a diner job with strange co-workers, and the unending feeling of loneliness that she's become comfortably accustomed to. However, when she meets a girl on the train who looks like she's been taken straight out of a 1970s punk rock magazine, everything seems to get impossibly stranger... and a little less lonely."

i'm not going to lie, this was a hard one for me. contemporary young adult is just not my thing, and it took a few spoilers and reading of reviews to convince me to continue forward, which i definitely don't regret! one last stop is a big ole liar right at the beginning, convincing you that you're in for a typical y/a lgbt gen z type romance and then delving you (somewhat) feet first into strange happenings. immediately, i was more intrigued by the side characters than our main character, august. she was relatable, yes, but i found her lacking just a bit. her roommates, however, seemed to have a lot more depth and interesting storylines that definitely could have been expanded on. their humor and relatability hit close to me, as well as their dynamics and interests. i found that they kept the plot moving, as it seemed to drag on until we eventually reached a serious plot point involving our second main character, jane, which i will not spoil!! jane is a great character, also. i found her backstory very interesting and intriguing and immediately wanted to see and learn more about her. i loved seeing the representation of queer politics drawn into her character, and it really inspired some of my own characters as well! she's pretty badass and i loved her for that. i think the discussion of queer politics, especially involving sapphic women, within the entire book was great and eye opening and something you never ever see even in wlw specific books. to even see the word lesbian in a book had me like crying and screaming because you just never see that. it definitely is a sole cause for my rating of this book to go up. i also really liked the humor, again contributing that to the roommates, and i was constantly screenshotting snippets of the jokes and references to send to my friends. the ending was good, though i think it could have hit a little bit harder in other ways, but i was overall happy with it and don't regret reading this at all!

[melodythebunny]

I just thought up of something. Experimental Cheese but in the Steven Botsford au.

:D enjoy this ramble composed of random incoherent/j thoughts before i went to sleep last night

Fluff first- First meeting- Steven first met Carrie at a bus stop, it was pouring hard that day and neither of them had a umbrella, but it wasn’t until he found her hanging up fliers for the local animal shelter that he had had an actual conversation with her. He had offered to help her when he saw she was struggling keeping together the stack of fliers she was carrying around. As they walked, she kept talking about the animals at the shelter, her pet cat, diamond, and pretty much whatever came to mind. And steven loved it. Falling for her was quick and easy, kinda an “Whoops, I like her” situation.

marriage- Tim became steven's wingman to help him out with relationships. Like you mentioned with him being pretty blunt with saying his brother's opinions on people- XDDD he joked around and asked his brother. "when's the wedding?" and that had realizing that hey he did want to spend the rest of his life with carrie. with some planning and helpful tips from bampy, he begun planing out a way to propose.

He took her to a fancy resturant that had an outside seating option, he had requested a table ahead of time right under the balcony, and told a worker to drop the ringbox, that was tied closed by a few heart shaped ballons onto their table from the balcony in order to surprise her.

And his plan almost worked until a gust of wind blew the balloons towards the pond next to the tables they were at, causing Steven to not only chase after them, but to also fall into the pond, which was freezing cold by the way.

Carrie said yes after she managed to stop laughing. the wedding was a few months afterwards in summer. nothing super fancy or anything but still memorable. wedding colors were white, purple and pastel blue. obviously the main flowers were forget-me-nots (insert quote about symbolism and flowers-)

Everyone had fun, until Clayde did something to make Steven mad and he chased him around and somehow the cake fell over on carrie's parents, causing them to retain minor injures.

daily life antics are bound to happen with this family.

OH YEA both Tim and Carrie book reservations to any pretty Princess and Magic Pony Power Hour Club events any chance they get. steven is dragged along. he's not into it. but does enjoy spending time with his family.

and now for angst portion bc thats why yall really here for/jjjj-

everything was going so fine for the botsford family. aside from bumping heads with the catswells of course. life was great for the newly weds. unfortunately, things end off similarly to canon verse... there wasnt any signs or clues left at the crime scene, so no one knew WHO did it. she was just gone. Sally who's a district attonery was flooded by demands (even tho its not in her job description) by felix and catheirne to find the culprit. the thing is, fair city does have crimes but they are commonly just theft problems. So nobody couldn't piece together much evidence to point fingers.

this caused friction between the families (botsfords n catswells) more so than ever before. cutting ties seemed like a better option at this point. steven in this au is a bit more grounded since he has his family supporting him through all this. he drowns himself in work, only taking breaks to take care of his daughter and occasionally visiting his brother.

[doodlesanddrabbles]

Never heard of the Masculine version of a "Girly girl" until now, a customer discussing buying something for a boy and describing him as a "Boysy boy" and it took me a few minutes to get what she meant. And yeah, there probably is an essay to be made about how girls are either defined as "Tomboys" or "Girly girls" while you never really do that with boys but I was just very...hmmm.

[gremlinbearn]

Not sure how much of this is surgery recovery and how much are my usual disabilities not being managed.. I typically exercise 4-5 times a week at minimum to keep other issues bearable and I haven't been allowed to do that for 3 weeks now. So I've had multiple fibromyalgia flare-ups, my left arm neuropathy is very angry. Knee is also upset but at least I can do half the exercises it wants.

Anyway the third week of recovery was full of brain fog, general soreness, and lack of appetite, and I find myself just falling asleep at odd hours with no rhythm or triggers. Officially withdrew from my college course today, which I am trying not to guilt myself over, so I'll have another two weeks before the next class comes up again.

Plus sides: I can shower on my own again, safely. I now don't need to wear compression garments anymore. My triceps and armpits have been getting feeling back into them, no longer just a sore yet totally numb area. In a few days I can start massaging my scar lines with Bio-Oil.

Oh and I actually feel love and connection to my chest. I don't feel like I'm constantly fighting this part of my body anymore, we're in this recovery together and it's an indescribable sense of intimacy with myself.

[tears-exe]

Hmmmm why am I anxious and bouncy???

Did I take my meds last night????

Is it nicotine addiction??????

I don't necessarily need to smoke?

Wow I can't remember if I took my meds

Did i?

Or is this dread of the fact I have to call a bitch at work????

Brain "yes"

.......thanks