Mammon loves you too much to let your insecurities prevent him from achieving his goals: making you his.
+18, Chubby insecure gender neutral! Reader x Mammon! Dry humping! Hard feelings! Mammon being persistent! First time making out! Pre-relationship to dating! Mammon confessing in a feral way! Reader has low self-steem! Mammon being kinda of mean but passionate! Angst(?)
Reblogs and comments appreciated! <3
It was simply disastrous.
The palms of your hands were sweating and they desperately sought the help of something other than his white hair. The rough fabric of his jacket was damp, hot, and exuded a vapor that even if you wanted to, it wouldn't help you dry the nervousness that flowed from your hands in a watery and salty way.
Something was different today, faster, thicker, more aggressive, more rude. Here, in your old sofa, his body pressed you into the padded and worn fabric in such a desperate way that, not even all those springs out of their proper place could make you uncomfortable.
The kisses were wet and misfit. His hands meshed in you hair, pulling, bursting and releasing strands, but at the same time caressing, smoothing and pampering the tangled locks in his hands.
His tongue engaged in a one-sided fight for power by being aggressive, insistent. The wet sounds echoed through the small room and the television buzzed on a random channel while his saliva was deposited in droves in your submissive mouth.
So eagerly, his hips clashed with yours in an awkward way. The whimpers that came out of his mouth were complemented by the perversity he had in pinning his upper and bottom lip to your tongue, sucking and biting, taking possession of everything that was his, everything he had a right to claim.
But it wasn't enough, not today. The same hands that had mistreated your scalp, now made the way to your neck, without patience and without solidarity they squeezed and left marks on both sides, suffocating your senses and making the pressure in your ears grow.
You opened your mouth for air, panting, confused and desperate. His hands putting constant pressure on both sides of your neck, alternating between squeezing harder, angrier, cutting off your access to oxygen for a short time, and between leaving them there, pampering and building an animalistic craving about when would be the next time your already fucked up mind would disconnect from your body, and when your legs would unconsciously get more and more attached to the waist of the man in front of you.
You could feel his steady gaze on your bewildered figure. His breath no longer smelled of mint and his cologne had been mixed with yours for a long time. The rain outside made your room stuffy and hot.
He pats your face. One, two...and,
"Baby...? Look at me, yeah?" One hand on your nape while the other grabbed your cheeks, squeezing them with moderate force, watching with serpent eyes the way tears flowed between them and stopped at his own fingers, forming small puddles that quickly overflowed.
Your eyes dutifully went for the person in front of you. Mammon's cheeks were a reddish dark brown and his lips were swollen, a frown visible in his eyes that carried a bittersweet desire. His disheveled hair gave him the dominant air of someone equally tired, frustrated. He sighed.
A sigh of malice. An arrogant sigh.
"Do you know why you're in this situation, luv'?"
Even if you wanted to talk, you wouldn't. This was new, this whole situation was new, and this sure wasn't your Moni. His eyes made you uncomfortably aroused and his dilated pupils in the low lights of that stuffy room made you feel naked, stripped of any secrets you might kept.
Mammon never got tired of following you around since you first arrived in Devildom. The tireless vigor he had to be in all the events - big or small - you were in, in all the places you frequented, in all the conversations you participated in, was in a way admirable.
You didn't want to understand why this happened. Why he would always spoil you on your bad days, filling your sentimentalist brain with words of affirmation and leaving you a melted goo in his arms.
You didn't want to accept why he is always desperate to be close to you, why he would watch your surroundings closely, when on a Friday after class, you decide to get drunk in a bar, and all he can do is make you shy, your hands sweat when he runs his arms around your waist, hiding his face on your neck, whispering softly and breathily in your ears.
The frown on his lips when you refused the self-invitations he made to come take a nap in your room, the reddish color that went up to the man's neck and ears, the gifts, the constant friction with any part of your body.... everything, the signs were in everything.
Your organs stirred and you wished to regurgitate them along with those feelings when you realized all the patterns of a terribly passionate person. A person in love.
"Speak up babe, I wanna hear ya pretty voice." Breathless, he smiled. His frustration mixing with an impatience that was not common from your clumsy boy when you didn't answer.
His hands were so, so warm on your face and on the back of your nape, your sweat flowed directly and quickly to the hand that hours before had held you so sly and so gently.
His eyes swept over your body. Your pajamas stuck to your body. Your sore nipples were neglected, crying and begging for the warm, overwhelming touch that only he could provide.
Your thighs were like magnets for the eyes of the demon in front of you, so round and shiny, glistening with sweat and trembling. Trembling with longing, longing for him.
The accelerated rhythm of your heart pulsing on his palm that was still resting on your throat made him bite his lip, your droopy eyes maintained contact with his.
Mammon sighed. A sigh of malice.
"It's because of them, isn't it...?" The knee of his right leg went up to the couch, rubbing your huddle of flesh that pulsed and burned, so feverish. Your moans fueling him to put more pressure.
"... It's because of them that I have to look into your confused, crying eyes and feel your trembling hands around my wrist..."
His eyes held a painful melancholy that was being reflected on your own. His irises seemed to ponder the right choice of words.
"What is your problem? I know you see it. I know you feel it too. Do you think I'm just this dumb little guy who thinks about money all the time and doesn't notice things around him? You are such a cutie...so naive."
He pinched your cheek, shaking it a little in a kinda mean way. Your eyes were starting to cross from the simple pleasure you have never received before. The feeling being outright new and delicious.
"I....I love you...why can't you accept that? Are they better? Or is I who is the fucking worst of this family? Am I not good enough for you baby?"
Mammon was shaking, his whole figure engulfing yours in a way where he felt his patience truly slipping away. He had stopped kissing you minutes ago and you would still not verbalize a single word, your shaky hums being the only thing he could hear. A extremely hot feeling being formed in your abdomen and you started to thrash around.
"I can change...you know? I see the way you admire Lucifer's dexterity, and the way you gush about how strong Beel is...or how Asmo is the cutest...I see it all...And I can change it all too."
His trembling fingers now caressed the same cheek he just bruised, his voice in a pleading tone that made you remember everyday how you broke yourself in unimaginable ways inside your head just to keep your own urge away.
"I already changed when I tore the heavens apart in the fiery consequences of my own actions, and I can change again, or as many times as you want...neither heaven nor hell can stop me from molding myself the way you want me to be...just give me the word and it will be my command...just please, don't slam the door in my face...let me in..."
He released the breath that had been trapped in his lungs for long. He was loving seeing your face contorting in the pleasure he was giving you, but the weight of the situation and his own words made him stop moving, his expression turning serious. His mind settling in and recomposing itself.
The hand that rested on your face was sweating cold, contrasting with the messy, warm feeling you were in, sending shivers down your spine while you caught your breath, becoming more aware of what was actually being said.
"Mammon- I don't want you to change. That's not how things work. Love is something that we build with t-trust and care and there's....there's things I can't give you right now...I'm sorry but I can't-"
"Why? Why can't you? What's stopping you from being with me? Don't give me that love and trust bullshit because I know you have both of those things for me, otherwise you wouldn't do and say half the things you already do!"
He feels like he is in the verge of crying, why are you being so stubborn?Just give in already!
"...when will you pay attention to me? It's me who is here, not them! I'm the one who constantly tells you how much I love you, not them! It's me, always me! What else do I have to do to keep your eyes on me?"
Your eyes were now filled with a furious despair and a feeling of complete disconnection and lack of understanding from the person who was accusing you so vehemently at that moment.
"Oh my fucking God! There's no fucking them! For god's sake! I do look at you! Matter of fact there is not a single day when my eyes do not look for your figure in every damn place! "
"...At RAD, I look for your warm arms and your pouty "Morning", at the grocery store, I look at the fucking prices and imagine you standing next to me, complaining how everything seems more expensive again, when I'm taking a shower, I look at the shampoo and try to imagine that one day my wish will come true, and that I will, indeed, feel your calloused and long fingers rubbing my scalp whilw you pour over me words so sweet that I could die right there from ingesting too much sugar...... I look at you, everywhere, every day...."
"But how, how! Look at that! Look! A flabby, horrible belly, big arms, swollen legs, and a completely deformed ass..... How can I give you something so wretched and despicable? You are a fucking model!! How can I feel happy knowing that people will make fun of you behind your back, just because you're with me? Don't you understand? I'm not for everyone's eyes and much less for yours! Forget me and make me disappear from your mind, look at me, but in the most horrible way possible, destroy me in your mind and hate me, please!!"
Tears streamed from your - now swollen - eyes, mingling with your gasping breath due to the numerous emotionally charged words you just had spoken, transforming into sobs of someone who had completely shattered their soul.
In a surge of emotions within such a confined environment as the one you were in—mentally and physically — he couldn't take it anymore. He needed you to understand how deep and true his feelings were and are. He needed you to understand that his words weren't mere syllables and phonemes; he was completely devoted to you, and you needed to accept that, even if he had to stay here all night.
Your sobs made everything more fragile for him. His muscular arms finally lifted you from that uncomfortable position, and now he was the one sitting on the small sofa, and you were in his lap, completely broken and trembling, your breathing uneven and your hands frantically trying to dry the tears that wouldn't stop falling.
He wished he could be kinder during this complicated and delicate moment, but he couldn't think of anything else but making you understand how much he wanted you, how much he needed you, and unfortunately, his actions were also disjointed and clumsy.
He held your hands in a desperate attempt to make you look at him, and it worked; your eyes snapped open from their irritable torment and met his yellow ones, and he could see how your own feelings were devouring you from the inside.
"Maybe I'll look! Maybe I'll think you bring out the worst in me, maybe I already think that, maybe I already know how dirty I've become since I laid my damn e-yes on you"
His voice was louder and harsher than he intended, cracking in the middle of his speech.
"Do you want to know how I destroy you in my mind? Because I can tell you, and even better, I'll tell you."
"Every day I gotta wake up with my dick hard as a rock 'cause for the millionth time I dreamed I was stuffing you with my cum. Every night i have to jerk off till nothin' comes out just so I can sleep in peace with the fact that you are not mine!"
"And I curse you every time you decide to wear my t-shirts, which get so tight on your body, because I know that when I get to my room I'll be taken by a deafening heat and I'll rave until I can call you, even though I've just left your bedroom, just to stroke my cock to the sound of your annoyed voice..."
Your lips parted like those of a fish on land, sadly opening its mouth in a last hope of survival, your cheeks, red from crying, now flushed with the color that embarassement brought to your face.
"And I hate it.... I hate it when you tease me, whispering in my ear and driving me crazy, making me melt when, by a kindness of heavens with me, you allow me to lie on top of you.... and I can squeeze your soft body and smell your intoxicating smell as my body enters a state of darkness the moment your fingers start to wander over my body in simple and delicate touches.... I hate how much I am useless when you are not around..."
His eyes drifted down to your trembling lips and he sighed deeply. His eyes could no longer meet yours, and he rested his sweaty forehead against your own.
"Luv...please, please please...give yourself a chance to love and to be loved."
And that was the last string, the last hope, his last prayer he wish upon god was answered. You threw your arms around his neck, the hiccups trapped on your throat bursted out in the open, and you had the necessity to hide your face on his neck, and you did.
Mammon's arms hugged your waist, sniffing your messy scent and feeling his body warm up in hope that you will finally say yes to him, and to his love.
"Take all the time you need luv', I'll be here...for ya...for us. I know it won't be easy, those insecurities won't disappear just from this...but I am here fo' real now."
His words only made you cry harder, soaking his leather jacket, but that didn't matter, nothing besides you finally opening your heart for him mattered.
After some minutes of pure cry and agony, the calmness of being secure in the arms of the one you love, crashed in. Your voice was hoarse and soft, so little and small that he almost couldn't hear it.
"Hmm...I know baby, thanks for telling me. It sounds so sweet coming from your lips."
He hears your muffled little laugh and a smirk appears on his lips.
"You are such a smooth talker."
You stir in his lap, making your face nuzzle on the side of his cheek, and you can feel how much he was enjoying the end of the storm with you.
His hand squeezed your thights and you felt his cheeks grow warmer.
"Don-don't mention it...it was so many emotion and you looked so pretty when I was rubbing-hmmf!"
You quickly covered his mouth with your hands; your whole face seemed to be on fire. Mammon's eyes shot open, his eyes filled with mischief but with love sparkling in them.
"Be mine." His voice was muffled by your palms, his breath tickling your skin.
The light tears that spilled from your eyes now came from the hope that you too deserve a new chapter in your life, a chapter full of love and your own capacity to accept the love that is offered to you.
