#murder joke

[gary-goldstein-law]

Am I hot enough to get away with homicide, at least?

[gaysymmetrical]

we all want to believe that trans people committing violence is a spiders georg situation where it's just one guy eating all the spiders but that's because they never found the bodies of all those men i killed back in the 80s

[crttvv]

OOHOHO IM GONNA FUCKING KILL SOMEONE I SQEAR TO GOD

MY 6AM ALARM. BECAUSE I HAVE TO GET UP AT 6AM. ALL OF MY OTHER ALARMS WENT OFF EXCEPT THIS ONE

I DONT EVEN REALLY NEED THE OTHER ONES. MY ENTIRE DAY RESTS ON THIS ONE ALARM

AND IT DOESNT FUCKING GO OFF.

AND WE DONT HAVE GAS BECAUSE WE'RE BROKE AS FUCK. THANK YOU 6AM ALARM

[thegh0stlee]

[carnivorous-parasite]

Imagine tickling second opinion medic

THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY ANON HELP??????

LIKE??????? "Hoohoohoo I WILL MURDER YOUR FAMILY hoohoohoo"

[rileyjanehomedecor]

Coffee Makes Me Feel Less Murdery Friend Gift Funny Gift | Etsy

Coffee makes me feel less murdery. Sometimes that doesn’t even help 🤣. This cup is the perfect gift for yourself or someone special. This is

[fictiveheavy-systim]

Updates and cool stuff!

Finally updated the carrd, it’s currently (as of 11 pm CST, may 4th) completely current in regards to the to-do and queue lists

I read some good poems today

Jack Merridew (meat proxy, fictive) learned the words “nifty”, “pog” and “dope” today. I have not known peace since (the poems were before he learned it </3 the last moment of peace i will ever have)

I saw a cute dog today via tumblr blaze. If you sponser ur pet posts I do love you

lost the playlist roulette 3 times today 

I was gone for like a few hours the other day and apparently in that time someone put my (outerworld not headspace) hoodie in the laundry without telling me. 1 body. Found 36 times.

[writinghannibalooc]

my dad teaches at the same college I do so whenever I ask for anything it is “is this for your class?”

no no no I just want to do a Dahmer, don’t worry about it I’m not trying to construct something on camera for my students I don’t teach 3D design