#nochild

[womenwithoutchildren]

[nokiddding]

You can do that when you don’t have kids

I travel. A lot. Last year I took over 30 flights, visiting 20+ cities and 3 different countries. That doesn’t include road trips.

Growing up in a small town, I knew there was more out there. Each year we took small family trips to places like Hershey Park, the Jersey Shore, and the Adirondacks. They weren’t fancy trips but the goal was to explore places we had never been.

I was hooked.

I’m not going to get into the merits of travel or the benefits it has on individuals and the world as a whole - there are plenty of blogs out there for that. For me however, travel has always been something I’ve loved doing and in turn, something I’ve made a priority in my life.

Not everyone sees it that way. People see my travels and tell me how lucky I am. Yes, I am certainly lucky. I never go a single day without realizing how fortunate I am to live the life I have. But simply travelling doesn’t make me lucky.

Yesterday at work, I was talking about how I am looking forward to spending my summer doing some travelling. The response I received – that must be nice.

You know what? It is nice!

I have chosen to create a life for myself that lets me travel. I have chosen to create a life for myself where I am responsible for me. I have also chosen to surround myself with people who can do the same. It sure is nice.

Now, to be fair, that person wasn’t trying to be a jerk. They have a family and just taking off to Australia for two weeks isn’t feasible. That however is the life they chose.

My response?

You can do that when you don’t have kids.

[cafelad]

7 and 18 for the music asks!!!

7:A song to drive to

i actually don’t drive and don’t plan to??? also i’d list entire albums aaaaa!!!! but probs impossible soul by sufjan stevens or cassandra gemini by the mars volta bc they both lasts 32 mins

18:A song from the year that you were born

Storm by Godspeed You! Black Emperor <3

thank u!!!!

send me a music ask?

[nokiddding]

No ticking here.

I’ve mentioned before that I’m bad at dating. And by bad, I mean I rarely do it. Along with not wanting kids, being a single, 35-year-old woman who doesn’t frequently date is a whole other conversation. One that I just love having.

Now, it’s not that I mind being single – in fact, part of my problem is that I don’t mind at all. I travel frequently, I have an active group of friends, and I’m comfortable being alone. But there’s another side to it and it’s this –

I don’t feel the need to settle down because my biological clock isn’t ticking.

I remember watching movies where the young protagonist, single and on the hunt for a boyfriend, would constantly be reminded by her friends and family that she was running out of time. If she wanted to have a family, she’d better find a husband, and fast.  

That’s not something that just happens in movies! My parents used to tease me about it and I have friends who are legitimately concerned about finding a husband because they want to be able to have kids while they are still young.

In fact, a friend of mine became so consumed with the idea that it became her life. Every person she dated had to be the one because she was 35. It was legitimately tough to watch. Eventually she decided to freeze her eggs just to take the pressure off. The good news is, it worked. She stopped being so caught up in having to find Mr. Right Now and was able to relax. Oh, and she found a wonderful man who she loves and bought a house with. TBD on the kids.

For those of us who aren’t interested in having kids, it’s a freeing feeling knowing that you aren’t up against mother nature. At least not when it comes to children…

That mother nature has been a real bitch to my metabolism.

[nokiddding]

Can we get a babysitter up in here?

My parents had me young. Twenty-one years young to be exact. Growing up, that didn’t seem weird. I just had the “young, cool” parents and that seemed ok to me.

But times they are a changin’ and most of us are no longer having kids in our early twenties. In fact, for most of my friends, they are not having kids in their twenties at all. Many are 30, 33, 35, or even 40. It’s pretty amazing and the changes in both societal norms and technology have made this possible. Air high five.

Anyway, I digress. See, my parents were in their early twenties and despite having two kids, they still wanted to go and do things that people in their young twenties did. So, they did!

We grew up with a lot of weekend baby-sitters. Sometimes it was a cousin, other times it was a neighbor, and in some cases, it was just a person referred to them by a friend. For a few bucks, the kids could stay home safely and the parents could go out and enjoy themselves. Seems like a good plan to me.

However, for most of my friends, that doesn’t seem to be the case. Maybe it’s because the kids are all still fairly young or maybe it’s just that we don’t live in the type of community I grew up in. The result? Small event attendance or kid-friendly events.

Take for example Halloween. A couple I know has thrown a killer Halloween party for years and years. It’s one of my favorite yearly traditions. Until this year...

With a one-year old running the household and a group of friends with kids ranging from one to five, the party I so loved became a crazy-kid free-for-all. A few of us adults hung out in a corner while the remaining adults spent the evening chasing their kids around. Not exactly my kind of night.

Our yearly ski event? There’s been talk of turning that into a kid-friendly trip. My favorite part about the ski trip is the drinking and hanging out that comes post skiing. Throw some kids in there and the apres ski becomes a nap at the house.

Where is the line?  

Look, this isn’t to say that all parties or events have to be adults-only but even something as simple as going out to dinner without the kids is a rare feat and for the majority of those I know, it’s only when parents or in-laws can watch the kids. Do people not get baby sitters anymore? Is it rude for me to ask that we keep some events kid-free?

I don’t know the answers and we’ll see where things go but for now, I can tell you the question I ask before responding to events is this -- “Is everyone bringing their kids?”

[nokiddding]

You will get pregnant and die

“Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die!”

Not only is this one of my favorite movie quotes but what makes it hilarious is it’s basically what we are told our entire lives. If you have sex, you will get pregnant. Until you get older and want to have kids that is.

I visited a friend today who spent about three years trying to have her second child. She went through several miscarriages, endless doctor appointments, and was finally able to have a child through IVF.

A few weeks ago, I visited another friend who spent two years trying to have her first. After some help from modern medicine, they were blessed with a beautiful baby boy. 

As I’ve gotten older, it’s been utterly heartbreaking to watch my friends try to have children. Between the number of miscarriages, the process of IVF, and even the long process of adoption, it’s amazing what people are willing to go through. What’s more frustrating to me, is our entire lives we are told how easy it is to get pregnant and how cautious we need to be in having sex.

Now, that’s not to say there aren’t those out there who are simply able to have children the moment they decide they are ready. I also have several of those friends - but for the most part, it’s not the case.

It’s one of those things that makes talking about not wanting kids tough. You see your friends going through these emotionally traumatizing moments because they want nothing more than to have a child of their own and I’m over here like, no thanks.

It’s tough, but like anything, I try to remember that everyone is going through something and the best thing we can do is support one another. I think that’s the least we can ask of ourselves.

[another-day-to-dont-give-a-shit]

Confirmo

[somhusbands]

Contactez moi si vous voulez acheter un de ces dessins d’inktober, je les vends collés sur carton plume, prêts à être accrochés pour 15 euros.

Contact me if you want to purchase one of these inktober artwork, I sell them on cardboard, ready to hang on a wall for 15 euros.