#non-neurotypical

[chummiebit]

Adult Advice for Non-neurotypical:

Because some things you don't just "pick up".

#1. Driving:

Intersections can be scary. The unpredictability of the light turning yellow scared the shit out of me. But I learned recently that you look at the pedestrian crosswalk light as you are coming up on it. If it's got a white person you're good to look forward and keep driving. If it has numbers keep watching to see where the count is at. If its gonna get to zero before you get close enough be ready for a yellow and prepare to stop. Boom, no more heart attacks when the light randomly turns yellow!

Clean your car windows everything you fill up gas. Too much build up on windows can be extra distracting or at least stress inducing for those with sensory overload.

Drive at your comfort level. Don't be a hero. That person honking at you to turn left into that lot can wait. Don't gun openings you don't feel comfortable with. You'll get a feel for timing and spacing with practice.

When lanes are merging from two to one and there are a lot of cars. Safe courteous practice is what's called zipper merging. It's just like it sounds. One person from each lane goes one after the other. That way everyone gets to go and no traffic builds up. So, slow down and make enough space for the person in the other lane to come in front of you. No need to panic.

[zeoumren]

I just love when I am off my Meds for a day (I have ADHD and I literally need them.)

And a co-worker who I will tell just so they know I will need extra help or maybe to take a break if I get too over stimulated will tell me at the end of the day:

"Why do you need meds? You were the same as always." I explained why: "my mental state was bad all day, I know you cant see that but medication helps me manage it." I earned a scoff at that.

Hooooooo BOY!

Let's unpack this.

So, what Medication does is help you manage symptoms. ( At least in my case.) Any day without my medicine is a struggle because everything gets too much, it is hard to manage tasks and I become very paranoid over any small conversation.

The only reason I seem "the same" as you put it dear co-worker. Is because I am internalizing everything because thanks to having Meds I know how I should be feeling and now everything is all bad.

With my medication it is easier to look past all the Bad and find moments to make a day good, but without them I dont want to do anything, it is hard to do simple things and I feel like a failure, I push through only because I know that I can feel okay again, even though I cant manage tasks, and I cant find anything good about anything I have done.

I am not saying medication is for everyone, not everyone needs it. But if you have someone in your life who takes medication by their own volition and based upon doctor and psychologist consultations maybe dont make them feel like their issues are not valid by saying: "why do you need medication, you are the same." Then scoffing at them telling you their real mental state. Holy crap this happens so much, why does it happen so much?

You know not all Disabilities are physical right? You are not telling a person with an assistive movement device like a cane or crutches that they walk just fine without them, why? Because it is stupid and disrespectful to the struggles they have been through. So

Dont do that with people who are not neurotypical!

Can we not minimize other people's struggles for a moment? Do you know how long it took me to find A medication that worked for me? YEARS! Me and my doctor and psychologist worked together to find what best would help me and give me limited to no bad side effects. I tried so many things before medication, exercise, meditation, yoga, breathing exercises.

Someone telling me I dont need medication minimizes this journey of discovery I have been on my entire life. Please Just respect me and my struggles, I should not have to lay bare everything for you to understand. I know what I need please respect me as a person, respect that I know what I need because I have been on a long road to figure out what that is myself. Dont diminish my struggles. Dont take the Cane that helps me walk through my day making it easier not to trip on every uneven curve or pebble that gets in my way.

[mountainmoth]

Hi!!! Just wanted to tell any dyslexics that you're amazing and doing great and I know quarentine is difficult and horrible and so destructive for us, but we'll pull through, and we'll make the world a better place some day

[panthera--tigris--altaica]

You know what's one of the worst things to hear during a conversation?

"I'm just teasing!"

Like, if I am being told that, it means that I have once again misjudged a sentence and have replied with an explanation instead of a small-talk joke. I have made myself sound pedantic to this person, and have disrupted the flow of "normal" conversation. It means my practiced responses were not applicable to the exact sentence said to me, so I responded in a way that was not "correct".

It's honestly one of the worst feelings, to continue to try the conversation after that, cause you know that the person is still thinking about why in the world you wouldn't understand from their flat non-joking tone and delivery that they were "just joking/teasing".

[braincoins]

You know, my anxiety often tells me that, when people say nice things or that they don’t mind doing something for me or whatever, they don’t really mean it. “They’re just saying it to be nice!” my anxiety jabberwocks hiss at me. “They don’t mean it. They’re just being nice to your face; they actually hate you and are just too nice to say so directly!”

And, growing up, I would have people make fun of me for being so trusting. They would pretend to be my friends in order to get things from me and then drop me like a hot rock. I would get used and mocked and sometimes I didn’t even realize it until years later, looking back on it with slightly more life experience.

But, at some point, I decided, you know what? I’m going to take people at their word. 

It’s easier for me than to sit here and try to suss out any hidden meanings. And it’s generally better for my friendships: you said X, you’re my friend, why wouldn’t I believe you? I will trust what you say to me, and if you haven’t told me there’s a problem, why should I think there is?

Now, it’s true, there are people out there who will deceive me, who will say one thing to my face and another behind my back. But, at least for a time, I had their friendship (or believed I had it, which amounts to much the same thing in this instance), and I’d rather have friendship for a bit and lose it - as much as that hurts (and it hurts, let me tell you) - than not to have friendship at all. 

And what this means to you who are my friends is that you should always feel comfortable telling me what’s really going on with you. If I ask you to do something and you don’t want to? Say so! “Eh, not feeling that,” for example, or “I’m not really comfortable with that.” When I fuck up? Tell me! “Yeah, that’s not really accurate...” or “Could you please not do that?”

Now, I’m not perfect.  Sometimes, the jabberwocks win. Sometimes I’ll ask, “Are we still friends?”  But I promise to believe whatever you tell me. And you should be honest. People grow apart. It’s better to rip the bandaid off rather than let things drag on. It’ll hurt, but I’ll get over it. 

I’m not good at reading people’s “subtle hints” or “social cues” - especially online, where everything is text-based. Just be truthful and straightforward with me. 

[wavewright62]

A story:

My husband has a stall at the national rock & gem show. A boy comes through and gets excited at the bins of rough rock, and it becomes apparent that he is Asperger's or high-functioning autistic. My husband is well on the scale himself (part of *why* we have accumulated several tonnes of sundry rock) and he and the boy have a lively conversation. The boy purchases a thunder egg. The host rock club has a series of equipment running at the show; they agree to slice open the thunder egg as part of the demo.

A little while later, the boy runs back to us and shows us the inside of his thunder egg, and it's a wonderscape of pure white quartz crystals. You could power a small city with the sunshine firing off of all his synapses! We are so thrilled for him, and it's totally made our whole show.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

autism pro tip

barring an unprecedented leap in neuroscience technology, you are probably never going to be neurotypical. That’s ok. Rather than trying to imitate other people, work on finding a version of yourself that you like and respect.

[robotsandfrippary]

I think this is a super important collection of articles about what it’s like to be in a relationship with someone who has Asperger or autism- even if it’s considered mild- from the perspective of people in the relationship on both sides. 

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/nov/23/letter-to-my-husband-asd-autism

this one is also nice.  It really helps put it in perspective for both sides.  I can definitely relate.