#on becoming

[doitforadamparrish]

when kafka said ‘you wouldn’t believe the kind of person I could become if you wanted it’ and when brontë said ‘if you ever looked at me with what I know is in you, I would be your slave’ and when Sartre said ‘if I’ve got to suffer it may as well be at your hands’

[inkpressedpetals]

[anyroomsrio]

on becoming.

Sometimes an artist can open a page, and the story or the image just arrives. Just like that. You stay up all night on some kind of bender, and the story pours out of you. It's such a rush.

And then other times, it's like pulling teeth. You're surprised by how much you have to pivot. Sometimes, by the time you reach the end, the story is completely different from what you thought it would be. Sometimes, it's better for it.

I think about my sister, who had to pivot her art journey several times because life got in the way. She always said she wanted to be a part of a zine, and then recently, she finally was.

I think about friends who write, how stories they've had in their heads and in drafts sometimes sit there for ages, just waiting for the right moment to come to completion. Because things change, and things get in the way.

I think about the authors of my favorite stories. CS Pacat couldn't find anyone to publish their work, so they started posting on LiveJournal — and it ended up building a massive fanbase until it was finally published. Casey McQuiston started writing two separate stories about two separate characters and dared to ask: what if they fell in love? And then the 2016 election happened, and the story took a backseat until they were able to carve out something else.

Art is not created in a vacuum. It often takes a lot of turns; it often arrives differently than what we first had in mind. But god, if it's not still so beautiful for it.

I say this as I see a fanzine ( @rwrbzines ) in my fandom published, and I find myself wondering — how did they all get here? To this place in their journey, with their skill and their craft? Because no one just picks up a pen and is immediately really good at something. Some people may have more of an inclination toward a certain skill, but that doesn't make the grit and determination any less real. It doesn't lessen the audacity it takes to keep trying.

No one just shows up in the shape or form you see them in when you discover their brilliance. One day, they had to start. And then the next day, they had to choose not to give up. They kept showing up, kept creating, kept sharing — their art, their stories, their craft. Even when it didn't get attention. They chose to keep going.

I'm saying this as I sit on a story I thought I'd be publishing this year, one that's taken such a turn since the concept first landed in my head and I asked, "What if?"

Sometimes it feels like it'll never materialize. But then I take my shoes off and let my feet touch the earth. I feel the breeze in my hair, the sun warm on my skin, and I remember to be alive — to be a person who keeps trying, keeps going, keeps creating, even when the odds are stacked, and the world is dark and dreary.

Art doesn't just keep us alive. It gives meaning to our lives, and it draws us toward each other. I think of all the people I've met through stories, music, art, and words — the connections I never would have made otherwise. I think that's pretty cool.

It's also why I'll never be convinced that fandom is something we participate in solo, and why consumerism in fandom is so vile. Because the stories, the art — it all comes from a place and a person who dared to do the thing. Who pushed past vulnerability and hit post. Maybe this story isn't the one to break a barrier or reach a milestone. But maybe it's just the one I will write to remind myself there's something in me that is daring to be let out.

Maybe that's the same for you, too.

I guess what I'm saying is, don't give up. Keep doing the thing. Dare to hit "post."

(Also, thank you from the bottom of my heart to each and every artist who participated in the rwrb zine. You inspire me beyond words.)

[buglover000]

I love randomly remembering I have a kelela tattoo

[thequotegarden]

[benitasroom]

from the shelf: sleeping in the forest, mary oliver

[orestesx4]