#opmeat

[howlingday]

Ren: I'm just saying, Jaune, that the conversation got very... unusual.

Nora: You seriously didn't pick up all the hints she was dropping?

Jaune: Guys, I'm not an idiot. (Scroll buzzes) Besides, Weiss' sister is a professional, just like us! (Answers) Don't be weird, you guys.

Winter: (Via scroll) It's been some time... White Knight~.

Jaune: Just Jaune is fine, Specialist Schnee.

Winter: You're a man of many names, Mr. Arc, but perhaps some things are best said behind closed doors~.

Jaune: Okay...?

Ren/Nora: ...

Jaune: ...What?!

Winter: And what is the business of this call?

Jaune: I was wondering if my team and I could get permission to land our bullhead at the Schnee Manor tonight.

Winter: Such a gentleman. Is there a reason for me to receive the Jaune Arc to come into my fold for an evening~?

Jaune: Team RWBY is requesting me to come and inspect for any material of dubious intent. Possibly with some armed support from Atlas Academy.

Winter: I'm uncertain what this inspection is for. Dubious material is one thing, but my privates are not exactly ready for such deep probing. Though they are young, well-groomed, and always ready for play~.

Jaune: I... was talking about one or two of your instructors.

Nora/Ren: ...

Winter: Then perhaps I should accompany you as well? I am an instructor myself...

Jaune: Really? What classes do you teach?

Winter: I'm more of a private tutor in... close-quarters engagement~.

Jaune: ...You mean like the one Professor Goodwitch taught?

Winter: What?!

Nora: Oh my fucking god, Ren...

Winter: Khm! Regardless, I will message you with the permissions. See you soon, Jaune~. (Click!)

Jaune: Okay, so what should we get for lunch?

Nora: Are we not going to address the sexy elephant in the room?!

Jaune: Nora, I have no idea what you're talking about. Weiss' sister is our boss. There's nothing personal going on between us, and if there was, we're just friends!

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Winter: (In the shower, Sings to Jaune pic) Let's talk about sex, bay-bee~! Let's talk about you and me~! Let's talk about all the good things~!

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Jaune: Just friends.

[tochira]

IT'S BAAAAAAACK

[howlingday]

Jaune: (Rides off on Bumblebee)

Yang: THAT ASSHOLE!

Ruby: Wait, I thought Bumblebee was broken. Did he fix it in one night? Guess you didn't need those parts after all, Yang~!

Yang: Oh, I needed those parts, he just took them out of Crescent Rose!

Ruby: He WHAT?! TRAAAITOOOR!

[howlingday]

Ironwood: Now, who to choose for this covert operation.

Jaune: Ooh! Pick me, General Ironwood, sir~!

Ironwood: Very well, Jaune the intern. Show us what you can do.

Jaune: (Leaves)

Winter: ...Sir, do you think that's wise?

Ironwood: What's the matter, Schnee? Afraid you'll be shown up by an intern?

Winter: Sir, Jaune is a Master Sergeant.

Ironwood: Come again?

Winter: His last name is "Intern". His parents gave him the middle name "The" because they thought it would be hilarious. Apparently, it's a running joke in his family.

Ironwood: ...Well, I'm still not paying him.

[howlingday]

Jaune: Excuse me, Miss White Fang~!

Blake: (Walking away, Quietly) Oh no, he's clingy...

Jaune: I was hoping you and I could have brunch together~!

Blake: I'd like to stay and chat, but I have work.

Jaune: Work? What do you mean by "work"?

Blake: You know, my job?

Jaune: Job?

Blake: You do know what a job is, don't you?

Jaune: Well, I learned a few new jobs last night~.

Blake: ...Well, that explains a few things.

Jaune: I thought the White Fang was your job.

Blake: It is, but I have a day job because the White Fang is expensive.

Jaune: Ooh~! Sounds fun!

Blake: It's not fun. It's work. It might be a foreign concept for you, but some of us prefer to keep our pride.

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Ready for work, sir.

[howlingday]

Nora: Go for it, Pyrrha! The worst he can say is no!

Pyrrha: (Gulps) Jaune, will you... go on a date with me? (Offers letter)

Jaune: (Rips letter in half)

Pyrrha: (Tears well in her eyes)

Jaune: (Wipes tear, Brushes her hair aside)

Jaune: (Whispers) I'LL KILL YOU...

Pyrrha: (Gasps)

[howlingday]

Ironwood: Specialist Schnee.

Winter: General Ironwood, sir!

Ironwood: I'm here to check how our prisoner is doing.

Winter: You are referring to Jaune Arc, sir? He's down there. (Points)

Ironwood: Is anyone down there with him?

Winter: No, sir. After his violent actions were televised in which he threw a Paladin into another Paladin and then proceeded to use the smashed-together Paladins to smash a third Paladin, it's understandable for the men to be... hesitant in guarding the prisoner.

Ironwood: What if he escapes?

Winter: Impossible, sir. The prisoner is connected to an Atlesian neural moniter that will alert us at even the slightest flash of a neuron. So unless Jaune Arc is capable of moving without using his brain, we are perfectly safe.

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Jaune: (Grunting, Struggles against bonds, Thinking) I've been trying to break out for the last two hours! How have they not noticed me yet?! Are they even monitoring-.

Jaune: (Looks to computer screen)

Monitor: NO BRAIN DETECTED

Jaune: ...

[howlingday]

Bleiss: You... saved me? To raise and love as one of your own?

Jacques: Well, your mother did. I just pay all of your bills. I never wanted any children, but Willow just kept nagging and nagging, and then we had trouble conceiving- her fault, not mine- and then suddenly Weiss and Whitley came along, which was completely out of left field.

Klein: Here, Miss Bleiss, I believe you will be needing this.

Jacques: You give a mouse a cookie, am I right~?

Klein: It's weed.

Bleiss: What?!

Jacques: Long story short, it turns out you can't return a baby. Adoption agencies have an incredibly strict return policy. Plus Willow kept saying she would withhold sex if I didn't try to bond with-

Bleiss: STOP! I don't want to hear about my parents having sex!

Jacques: Then it's a good thing we're not your parents.

Bleiss: No, I refuse to believe this! I am not a Gele! I'm a Schnee!

Jacques: (Passes out)

Bleiss: Oh, no, you are NOT getting out of this conversation that easily, asshole! You're not... getting... out... of this... (Collapses)

Willow: ...Klein, this might not be the best time to bring this up, but you don't inject weed.

Klein: ...Then what did I give her?