The Antler Incident
James was already wedged in the dormitory window when Sirius and Peter burst through the door, looking smug and entirely human-shaped.
"Worked like a charm," Sirius announced, doing a spin. "Had a tail for exactly forty seconds. Transfigured it right back. I'm clearly the talented one."
"Mine was very skinny," Peter added. "Very rat-like. Appropriate."
Then they saw James. He was stuck halfway out the window, two magnificent stag antlers preventing him from either climbing out or climbing back in.
"Don't," James snarled, his voice muffled by the stone frame. "Don't say a word."
Sirius said several words. Most of them were muffled by laughter.
"Help me!" James thrashed, knocking a flowerpot off the sill with his left antler. It shattered several stories below. "I can't get back in! And I can't get out! And Remus is at the library until four!"
Peter checked his watch. "That's twenty minutes."
"Twenty minutes until he finds out we're doing illegal Animagi transformations and ruins the surprise!" James twisted, wedging himself further. "I tried Finite Incantato! I tried the Reversal Charm! Nothing works!"
Sirius wiped his eyes. "Alright. Alright. Think. We reversed ours because we only did partial transformations. You went further. You actually grew bone."
"So?"
"So you need to finish it or undo it completely. Those are your options." Sirius grabbed his wand. "Either I try to turn you into a full stag—"
"Absolutely not!"
"—or we find a way to make your body think the transformation is complete without actually doing it."
Peter was already digging through books. "What if we transfigure something else onto him? Counter-intuitive?"
"Like what?"
"Another antler?"
"Peter, he has two. That's the standard issue."
James made a sound like a dying walrus. "Hurry. I can hear students in the courtyard. If someone looks up—"
Sirius pointed his wand at James's head. "Right. Desperate times. I'm going to try to transfigure the antlers into hair."
"That's not how biology works!"
"Do you have a better idea?"
"Just—fine! Do it!"
"Follikulus Maxima!"
The antlers shivered, shrank, and exploded into James's usual messy black hair. He tumbled backward into the room, landing on Sirius.
They lay there in a heap, breathing hard.
"Never again," James panted.
"Liar," Sirius wheezed.
The door clicked open.
Remus stood in the doorway, taking in the scene: James on top of Sirius, both flushed and disheveled, Peter frantically hiding books under a pillow.
He raised an eyebrow. "Should I ask?"
"Research," they said together.
Remus sighed and closed the door. "I'm not bailing you out of Azkaban."
