It's almost 5 am and I can't sleep. I think sometimes, when a big day is coming, I'm better off not sleeping, because I won't. The night before the sarva 5k run I got a couple hours of sleep. Same thing most years before the first day of school, I can't sleep and when I try I go into a crazy mode of endless thoughts. So I get more relaxation out of it to stay awake. I can't sleep because tomorrow I go back home to Seattle after this overly long California trip. And the TSA terrifies me. Don't get me started on it-- it really really upsets me. This has never and will never be a 'post-9/11' world. Fuck 9/11. "anthrax, code red, powder, pat-downs, take off your shoes, no water" horrifying bullshit paranoia. It makes me unhappy. Paranoia is the root of much violence. So I get sad -I opt out of the xrays because they are not scientifically sound nor proven effective (last I researched) for preventing violence. So I always do pat down. I don't agree with a corporation putting these machines in airports for profit, looking at us naked and potentially risking our health when there are more effective screening methods available. Pat-downs are unfortunate too, but they are just hands and I can deal with it. Asking for a pat-down while everyone else drones into the xray is very traumatizing to me, because my social anxiety disorder makes me scared to 'break rules'. Seatac was not bad- they seem to have learned that friendliness is useful. Which put me at ease. They also now have a system for those who want pat downs- read you a list of rights and protocol that you agree to. Seems less stressful for the TSA staff now, which means less stressful for me. Buuuut I haven't done LAX yet. The same place the TSA lady guilted me when I went through security in my swimsuit (only security! I had a dress in my carry-on! i'm polite!). That was really awkward. This time I'm wearing normal clothes through security- but skimpy. I don't want to delay our homecoming with them trying to aprehend me or anything. I don't like wussing out but the airports keep changing, I never know how in trouble I will get into. I like to wear small clothes or a bikini because I always choose the pat-down, and it makes it so so much faster overall. Makes their job easier. But they get tense and assume I'm going to do something bad which is a pity. You know, people who ever come up with creative solutions to minimize discomfort are just so rebellious, trying to piss you off and that's it-- of course. I know it's way easier to just be like everyone else. You accept changes that are poorly researched and make no sense because it's what everyone else does. I get it. It's hard to make waves. People get bitter towards people like me-- "What is wrong with her, she should just shut up and get over it and stop drawing so much attention to herself" You can live that way, I will not. If the TSA had come up with a well put together, researched, effective new system, I would happily comply. I did not see that. So I will do what I can to get through my pat-down quickly. Not because I want to make the TSA sad. I will always be polite kind and understanding. But I will do what I can and if I'm nice and don't slow it down for the people who don't give a shit, I hope there's no reason to complain. I'll go back to bikini mode sometime.
