C0ntr0L: Halsey (Feat. Xia Yizhou)
Synopsis: Caleb comforting after you accidentally killed someone, and you realizing by the second that there’s something more than him being your doting gege..
Colonel Xia Yizhou (Caleb) x heavily implied fem!reader
Tags: Psudeo-cest, SUGGESTIVE MDNI 18+, dead dove, heavy use of Gege and Mei Mei, slightly heavy yandere themes, mentions of gore, hurt/comfort..?, non-sexual nudity, CALEB IN A WHITE DRESS SHIRT, Vivid descriptions of blood and panic attacks, panicking, not proofread (when is it ever?), Blink wrote this because she highkey wanted to kill someone but who said that? Murder…duh, author is sleep deprived and wants Caleb really badly, harassment, stalking, uses of ‘baby, sweetheart, pips, pipsqueak, honey’
Author notes: YAYAYA I got so much love on my recent posts! This was technically supposed to be Bole Chudiyan, but things took a turn, and I decided to not finish that fic or even get through the third chapter. But anyways, Google and chat gpt now think I’m planning a murder! (I’m not btw)
Word count: 6.1k (WHAT)
There was blood, splattered all over your hands, your arms, your clothes, your face.
You desperately tried wiping the blood smears off your pants.
They wouldn’t come off.
You were shaking.
Numb. The silence after the gun shot ringing and repeating inside your head was like a mantra, as it reminded you constantly of what you’ve done.
You trembled, trying to scramble up onto your feet, trying your hardest to , only to fall apart onto the gravel again. Your phone was cracked at the right corner as your hand reached for it. Only one person flooded your mind. The one person who knew what to do.
The numbers that were so familiar as you dialled them in seemed so blurry as your tears glossed your eyes, dampening your eyelashes and forcing choked sobs from you.
One ring.
Two rings.
“Pipsqueak?” “C-Caleb..” you croaked out, trying to not seem pathetic. But your Gege, who knew you since you were both children, who knew everything about you, from your deepest dark secrets, to the ins and outs of your body, to exact ID’s for everything, The point was, nothing could escape him. “Mei Mei? Is everything alright? Are you in danger?” “I messed up. I-I was in danger, then.. then I got scared.. and.. and I screwed up.”
You rambled on as Caleb tried to intervene without startling you. “Baby, you gotta stay with me here. What happened?” Another sob rippled and you heard faint shuffling, keys and a door slamming from the call background.
“Hey, hey, just listen to me. I won’t judge you, m’kay? You know Caleb doesn’t judge you.Are you safe right now?” “I don’t know!” You cried. “I don’t know what’s going on.. I don’t know what I did! There just was this guy, and he started whistling … an’ I got scared so I ran faster, an’ he had a knife and attacked me.. and there.. I… and.. and..” “Breathe. I’m coming alright? Gege’s coming.” You took sharp inhales and shaky exhales.
“I just need you.. please..”
and Caleb wouldn’t like to admit it, but his corner of his mouth quirked up. “I’m coming, sweetheart, just stay on the line. I’ll fix it. I’ll fix everything, just five minutes.”
Seconds ticked by as minutes felt like cruel hours. Nobody was around.
Just you, and the dead body.
You counted the amount of wounds. Six holes pierced in the limp body. One on each leg, two on both sides of his chest, one on his torso, and one to his head. That’s all you could notice. How the man’s insides oozed out like a running yolk, and onto the ground.How the gravel was painted in a crimson red. You must’ve been hallucinating because you swore the pointer finger of the burly and dry hand twitched every while.You felt your vision blackening, flickering in panic and shock.
You could hear Caleb’s muffled voice from the other line of the phone calling your name, over and over. You mumbled something, arms that once propped you up buckling and failing you as you collapsed onto the floor going in and out from sleep.
Caleb was there in four minutes and thirteen seconds from God knows where. The soles of his shoes clicked briskly as he walked over to the grotesque scene. A man whose limbs were contorted, and his pupils rolled back. Then his eyes darted towards where you huddled yourself, shaking and crying yourself to the brink of faint.
He glided over, kneeling down as he slid a hand on the back of your head, gently lifting it. “Hey, it’s me. Caleb.” Your eyes teared up again as you buried your face into his chest without even looking at him, you couldn’t.
Caleb had to come and clean up your mess, yet again..
“Caleb..” you sobbed, quietly and pathetic. And he could feel his heart break as he saw you in such a fragile state. To him, this scene was just a normal day at work, with delinquents and traitors lurking about every corner of the fleet.
All he had to do was notice them slip up once, before blowing their brains out. But seeing his baby sister like this? So tender hearted and too soft for this world. He cradled your head and patted it. The scene was ambiguous enough.
“Let’s go home and clean up,yeah?” He murmured in your ear, like he was coddling a child. You hated when he was like that. Like you were beneath him. But for now, you were too drained to do anything, your body going limp as he effortlessly picked you up. “What about the..” you weakly trailed off. “I’ll clean it up, don’t worry, Gege will fix everything.”
The drive home was tiring. It didn’t matter that home was only twenty minutes away. You slumped on the passenger seat as Caleb’s hand squished your plush thigh, despite the not dried blood you rubbed on your pants.
You barely remembered getting out of the car, and the trip to your shared bathroom, carrying the medical box with barely two fingers and blood dripping and staining the floor from your hair and your own wounds. He sat you down on the marble floor and undid your clothing with precision.
His hat was thrown on the ground and the bath started running. “You said he had a knife. Did he hurt you?” You sniffled, nodding slowly before pointing at your bare arm and waist.
He undid your bra, where a nasty wound that was a few centimeters before being serious. (Damn it. That wasn’t part of the plan.) “Did he touch you anywhere?” He asked lightly, tugging the stubborn tape with his teeth to rip it off.
Your lip quivered as you tried finding words, but they were stuck. “Take your time.”
“My.. my chest and arm.” You blurt out. You could see something in Caleb’s eyes darken and his jaw tick before keeping his poker face on, seeming more caring and loving for his Mei Mei. “Can you tell me what happened?”
Caleb asks, same tone but he checks his watch, pressing a few buttons..?
You soaked in the bath, feeling small and naked before Colonel Caleb. But he was your best friend, your brother, was he your lover?.
“He… I was walking.. an’ he came out of nowhere.. he tried touching me.. I started running.. he chased me an’ I tried finding help, but no one was around.. he found me.. he had a knife, tried touching me.. I punched him. .we. fought.. he almost stabbed me, I.. I panicked and the next thing he’s on the floor.. and he’s bleeding.. and he doesn’t have a pulse.. and I fall onto the floor.”
Your voice raises higher and higher into a squeak before finally weeping again. “What did you do?” He urged again, gentle.
“Shot him… with my hunter gun..”
“How many times?”
Why was he asking these questions? He was right there at the crime scene…. He should’ve known..
“six times…Gege, I didn’t mean to kill him..” Caleb cradles your face that was damp from tears streaming down. “I know darling, I know. You were scared.”
“If anyone finds out.. I’ll be in jail..” you whimper. Caleb knew that. And he was using that. “Which is why nobody will.” He firmly stated. You sniffle. “How do you know?” He leans in to press a long searing kiss to your lips, his chest squishing your chest and hands rubbing your hips soothingly.
“They won’t. I’ll make sure of it.” He mumbled through the kiss. When he pulled back, he grabbed your bloody clothes and placed them in the sink, filling it with ice cold water.
“Don’t use hot water to get rid of stains, it’ll stain forever.” He murmurs, mainly to himself. As the tap ran, he picked you up into the bathtub, giving you a sponge, bodywash and your shampoo.
“Rub your soap all around your body, try not to touch your wounds, I’ll wash your hair for you, got it?” You nod, pitifully lathering soap all over. Rubbing hard on the places you swore there was blood the most. The bathroom smelt of bleach, from Caleb probably.
“When you’re taking off blood.” He said, like he was teaching a normal lab experiment. “Blot, don’t rub off. And let it soak in either a sink of cold water, or Hydrogen peroxide.”
Not that you’d need to know ever again he thought to himself .
Despite scrubbing for a long time, you still felt filthy. Caleb kneeled down beside the bath, now without his coat decorated in badges and blazer underneath, leaving him in a white dress shirt. “Your shirt wi-“ “I have plenty more, and you seem squeaky clean to me.” He flashed a grin, and you gave a wobbly smile.
As Caleb lathered the soap in your hair. It was silent, the occasional sound of water sloshing, and Caleb’s slight humming.
How?
How was he so casual about this? His baby sister just killed someone, and he just was chill? Something wasn’t right, but you were too tired to overthink. “This world is dangerous.” He broke the silence.
You let him continue and he strides over to you kneeling down and tracing your jaw over the bathtub as you awkwardly pooled in the warm water that felt freezing now..
“There will be so many people who want a pretty girl like you.” He was too close. “Your body, your smile, everything about you. And they will do anything.. unmeasurable lengths to have you.”
“Caleb.. what’re you doing..” you quiver and he scoffs, his hand going from your jaw, to your shoulder. “Don’t you see? You’re only safe with me.” You want to shrug off his hand, but when you tried, it came off more rougher than you wanted.
You gasped slightly, and noticed your so-called best friend’s eyes flicker a hint of hurt before going back to his warm gaze, chuckling.
“Silly pips. Are you truly that scared of me?” In truth, you were. The only piece of comfort you had was him, and he made sure it was only him.
Nobody else to turn to, you would always have to turn to him in the end. “This world is dangerous. Especially for you. A pretty little dove. I’ve protected you for so long. And I will forever.”
The sentence was supposed to be comforting, but yet a pool of frightening turmoil sank low in your guts. “I love you. I’m the only person who will ever love you, can’t you see?” He leans in dangerously close. “Nobody knows you like I do. Nobody has seen all sides of you.”
You’ve never wanted your old Caleb back this badly.
. The old Caleb who’d had a beaming smile and a bandage on his cheek as he spent all his money on candy for you.
The old Caleb who reminded you of firewood and melting popsicles in the middle of summer break.
The old Caleb who had chubby red cheeks, messed up hair and buck teeth.
That wasn’t there. Instead was a man, possibly one of the most dangerous man in Skyhaven, the Colonel in the morbid fleet.
“I’ve always loved you. Since we were kids. Tell me, are you vulnerable and caged like this for anyone else?” And with a low whisper he added “and would you want to?”
You didn’t respond, a squeak dying in your throat. He grinned, not in a boyish charm anymore. “I didn’t think so.” And he ended it there for now, gently lifting you up onto your feet on the hello kitty bath mat you were adamant on buying for him as a “house warming gift”.
He finally pulled back, walking out again from the bathroom to bring an oversized shirt for you. You lifted your arms so he could put it on you, and didn’t you look like a dream, in his eyes.
His shirt, nipples peeking out, legs bared with nothing but bandages, messed up hair and glossy eyes with your lashes wet from tears. He propped you up, onto his side the bed (the only side he slept on on cold lonely nights.) and sat you down, draping a blanket on top of you. “I’ll make you some hot chocolate.
I know exactly how many marshmallows you put in, and I know, I need to stir it three and a half times.” He joked.
You grimace. How was he so fine with all of this? Though it was true he had an awfully dark sense of humour, constantly joking about “losing his marbles.” And “huh, wonder if they’re pretending to be happy.” At festival workers.
But this was wretched. Twisted.
He came back, a warm mug, a box of cookies and an eerie smile that you once upon a time never realized how sinister it could be with a different perspective. He sat beside you, scooting towards you. Half of you wanted to scooch away. As he placed it onto a hard cover book being misused as a tray, he wrapped his other arm around you.
“Caleb, how are you so calm with this?” You whispered. He smacked his lips, like he was reminiscing on the reason. “Hm, as the colonel, there’s traitors, delinquents, criminals all around us. But..I remember being numb at one point.” He looked down, refusing to let you see his expression. “He was someone I thought I could maybe trust. One of the only people I half-believed in. It was only later when I realized he was trying to smuggle a bomb into the fleet’s headquarters. It was.. heartbreaking to say the least. But when he was pleading for mercy beneath me, fuck, that was harder.”
He stared at you, tears forming in his eyes as he gave a wobbly smile. “I didn’t have anyone to rely on. I was alone, scared and only in my early twenties. And I never want you to feel like that, feel what I had to endure.”
You almost melted for him. Your shoulders loosened as you leaned into him conspicuously a little more. “After the first kill, it felt less hard. I’m used to seeing dead bodies, bodies that I knew the person and soul of. The only one I refuse to see dead is yours.”
He cradled a warm hand on your face. “Pipsqueak, I’ve never understood why you’re so adamant on sacrificing your life as a hunter for ungrateful people.” And he kissed you on the cheek, trailing down to your jaw and collarbone. “You’re.. so.. much.. more.. then.. that..”
You sighed at the comfort, yet unsure whether to push him off or embrace him. He stopped, looking back up at you like a puppy.
“We could get married.”
“What?”
Did you hear that right?
“Yeah, think of it, I’ll build you a new house, with everything you could want. What do you need? You can tell me. I can agree to anything. We can return to Linkon if that’s what you want. If you want to return to the past, we'll rebuild our old house and move in together.” He leaned closer, and your heart beat spiked at the second.
“ if one house isn't enough, I'll build you a whole fucking maze. I'll decorate it with everything you could ever want. It will be the most beautiful, stunning garden you’ve ever seen.”
This was too much, tears pricked again at your eyes.
You couldn’t cry now.. not now not now not now not now not now not now not now not now not now not now not now not now not now.
But Caleb knew the right words to disarm you.
As your body shook, he held you, cradling you in his chest. “No one will be able to find you ever again. I’ll protect you forever.” You cried again.
For the man you killed, for the loss of your Gege, for everything. And Caleb just rocked you side to side, kissing your head and smoothing out your hair.
“Shh, my pretty baby, my pretty wife. Wouldn’t you look so good with my babies?” You sobbed harder. “If we had a girl, I’d want her to look exactly like you, yeah? She’d be the cutest button ever, runnin’ around like you.” Just stop talking, please stop talking.
“I could teach her how to play sports, and we could buy baby clothes, give her a whole wardrobe.” He was mainly talking to himself now, smiling uncontrollably as he pictured his perfect family.
Because these were the following steps to his plan. The first ones were getting you crying like this. Of course, you getting hurt, and then killing one of his ex-subordinates who pleaded for their life for him to not execute him, wasn’t part of the plan, but that only made things better.
Such a tiny thing like you broke too easily. And you’d always turn to him. After all, he was your big brother, who desensitized you from social norms. Him teaching you how to kiss, fuck, give a proper blowjob, that was all under the illusion of “come on, best friends do this.”
Your guy friends disappearing by the moment?
“I’m not sure what you’re talkin’ about, but guys who have no commitment usually do shit like that, meimei.”
And him holding you like this, comforting you while talking about the future?
“No guy will ever know and love you like I do.”
And, maybe, you were believing his twisted mind, falling into his traps.
Maybe, the fear wasn’t fear as he said it wasn’t.
Maybe it was love.
What Caleb had brainwashed you about what love was.
And if you ever relented, he now had a voice recording of you confessing to your crime, fully able to blackmail you. Well, he wouldn’t call it blackmailing, more so, keeping you safe.
You were only safe with him.
The world didn’t deserve someone like you who sobbed right beside him as he hugged you tightly, blubbering weak protests as he patted your head, and brushed your wet hair with his fingers.
He’d dry your hair later. He didn’t care that his dress shirt had wet puddles all over, from the water, bleach, and your beautiful tears.
You looked so ethereal when you cried, how he wished he could capture every single tear in a jar. Perhaps tease you on how much you were a crybaby. You cried yourself to sleep, shaking and whimpering beside the cruel yet comforting warmth his body heat was radiating.
All you could dream about was red.
Crimson red, and the sound of eerie static, with distorted memories of Caleb.
But it wasn’t him.
There was Caleb who was smiling at you in his DAA jacket he was proud of, and the next second, it would switch with his teeth covered in blood, jacket torn and knife in hand. You could hear the screams of the man you attacked before he fell back, dead. And Caleb’s voice, the same things he said about marriage, babies, the future, but distorted.
Like many voices chorused in unison to make an uneasy harmony as each word they spoke was slurred.
“I’llll…Allwaysss.. Prooo..tecttt…you..forrr..evvv..errrrr…” that line alone repeated over and over. It drove you insane, yet you still slept.
Your eyes were still blurry from dried tears as you woke up, blinking slowly to get rid of the crust. Caleb wasn’t there. But you smelt the familiar and nostalgic scent of Caleb’s pancakes. Your stomach growled at the idea of his pancakes drizzled in syrup again.
How long has it been since you had his cooking? Or food in general?
You rubbed your stomach and trudged downstairs. Your hair was dry it seemed, and in a loose braid like Caleb always tied it in when he dried your hair. Your Caleb was still home.. the Caleb who you knew.. right? Was all that he said just part of your gruelling nightmare?
You padded down to the cold kitchen tiles, and found Caleb's spare slippers you shoved on before approaching him. He was shirtless, and in red and black plaid pajama pants with an apron draped over him as he flipped over another flat batter with his spatula, slowly humming an old cartoon theme intro.
The scene was supposed to look domestic, and soft. But the tension and what happened couldn’t be ignored.
Caleb smiled at you, eerily similar to his disfigured smile in your dream, excluding the blood. “Finally up?” You nod, standing there, unsure what to do. “Go sit down, wash your hands. I’ll bring your food and coffee over.”
You sit down on the counter stool, head down and buried in your folded your arms. Head reeling. The gun shots, Caleb’s words, the blood, his smile, the nightmare, the kiss, blood blood blood blood. “You’re over thinkin’ again pips.” Caleb’s voice floated back into your mind.
You didn’t look up. “I’m over thinking? Caleb… I… I killed someone yesterday.” You buried your head in your hands, hair tangling in your fingers as you went through all the memories you could remember.
You heard the click of porcelain hitting the marble counter beside you, a stack of pancakes drizzled in fruit and syrup with powdered sugar. It looked delicious. And nauseating. How did Caleb truly expect you to eat something as sweet as that?
You felt like you were going to throw up as your stomach churned at the thought of food right now, despite being hungry not too long ago. “You needa eat somethin’.” He gently nudged your shoulder.
You stared at the breakfast, the smell of sugar sickening you. “Caleb.. what did you mean by that yesterday?”
Caleb, who was back to his kitchen workplace back turned and stirring your coffee hummed before answering.
“What did I say yesterday?” You couldn’t see what he was doing with the mug.
“The.. the marriage part. The future. Did you.. did you really mean that?” Caleb stopped, and looked at the wall, before turning with coffee in hand and heading towards you.
“You think I didn’t?” He asked, low, and heart dropping. You tensed, slightly backing from his booming presence.
“Well.. I didn’t think you were..”
“serious?”
“..y-yeah.”
He scoffed, like this was a joke, before caging you in by planting his hands on the marble as you spun the stool to face him. “You think I wasn’t being serious? Think I said all that shit for nothing? I’ve been serious about you.. no.. crazy about you since we were kids. I’ve always loved you. Maybe a little more than you realize..”
“Caleb.. but..”
he leaned even more forward.
“But what? I don’t think you get it sweetheart. I’ve coddled you for so long that you probably think the world’s all sunshine, with a few mishaps, huh? But the world’s just full of fuckin’ shit. Not for someone like you. Nobody deserves you like this.. nobody is going to protect you like I will. I’ll always protect you forever. I’m the only one who can.”
And you don’t know why or how, but suddenly, your palm smacked his cheek, hard. You slapped him. His face is turned to the side, cheeks bright red and eyes blown wide before his tongue poked the side of his pinked cheek and huffed a laugh.
“Shut up. I don’t need you! I don’t need someone who thinks murder is just another fucking Thursday night. I don’t need someone who’s fucked in the head like that Caleb.”
He shook his head.
“You don’t need me? Do you really think that?” And he gripped your jaw. Hard. “I raised you. Since I was a child. I had the right to be with you since we were kids. I didn’t have to take care of you. But I did. Because I love you.”
And he smashed his lips into yours.
You tried pulling away, but you couldn’t. His strong grip and nowhere else to go making you trapped. You tried biting his lip hard but he bit back, thinking you were doing so in a sexual matter. When he finally pulled back, saliva connecting the two of you, you jumped out of your seat. “What the hell is wrong with you?!” He smiled sinisterly.
“Oh honey, wouldn’t you like to know.” You had to get out. Right now.
You didn’t even bother with your things in the other room, grabbing your gun that you dropped lazily on the floor last night and making a run for the door. Caleb just strode over, like this was some game to him.
“Where do you think you’re goin’? He grinned.
“Away from you.” You shot back, watching him come dangerously close as you were finally at the door, unlocking it until.. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”
You stopped. “Well, you aren’t me.”
“Guess I’m not.. shame, I’d be pretty. Buuutt, it also be a shame if someone saw you out there.”
“What do you mean by that?” You ask, voice steady but still unsure. And Caleb pulled out his phone from his pant pocket, tapped a few buttons, and there was your voice. Your hysterical voice as he asked you questions in the bathroom last night.
Your heart dropped.
“Caleb.. you-“
“What did you do?” “Shot him… with my hunter gun..” “how many times?” “six times…Gege, I didn’t mean to kill him…” “I know darling, I know.” He was asking those questions as an interrogation.
“Caleb.. Caleb how could you..” you choked out, tears streaming down yet again, the half unlocked door forgotten.
“I’m not going to send it to anyone. The hunters association would already recognize your voice in a heartbeat.”
You slid down, overwhelmed yet again, and Caleb crouched down to you. You tried weakly pushing him away, but he’s too strong. “You didn’t finish your coffee, you’ll feel better Mei Mei, I promise.” Your body was too limp to fight anymore.
You didn’t even recognize this Caleb. You really did try fighting, but your muscles felt slowed and sluggish. After grabbing your mug, that cooled down a little more, he gently yet forcibly placed the mug in between your lips before you drank.
Your hands were useless trying to push his veiny and bulky arms away as you helplessly guzzled it down. “Shh my love, this is for you. Let that murder be a sign that you’re only safe with me, yeah?”
You tried spitting the drink out, as it tasted like sour trying to be hidden in sweetness and coffee beans. “I’m doing this for us, for our future. You’ll thank and love me someday.”
