summary: jack is arrested at your show for being too hot
pairing: jack abbot x popstar!reader
warnings: mdni!, no use of y/n, VERY suggestive, cursing, fanboy whitaker, dirty jokes, not proofread
word count: 1.6k
author's note: my babies asked and they shall have pt. 2 !! lmk if u catch why it was that position :)) i wrote this after driving 3 hours just listening to short n sweet on repeat. ty so much for reading !!
part 1 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6
Jack doesn't have a clue what he's doing right now.
The PPG Paints Arena in Pittsburgh is a mirage to him. A glittery, pink mirage. He could bet $1000 that he's the oldest person in the arena that came here alone.
Well, alone if you don't count Santos and Whitaker.
He thought you were joking a couple days ago when you were high on morphine and begging your manager to send him free tickets to your show the following Monday. It wasn't until he got an email from someone on your team, an email reading 'IMPORTANT: THREE (3) VIP TICKETS FOR DR. ABBOT', that he realized you were serious.
You were nice enough to send enough tickets for the 3 night shift attendings who were on scene when you arrived, but unfortunatly that means that not all of them can bail on the hospital to come to your show. Jack did the polite thing and offered to work so Shen and Ellis, who were actual fans, could go.
They shut that idea down quick.
"She didn't call me the hot ass doctor, man," John laughed.
Jack shook his head, "She was looped up on morphine, John."
"All I know is that they emailed you, not us. And she's not high off her ass anymore," Ellis countered. She smacks her iPad down, "You're going."
"Better get to listening," John says as he throws a tangled mess of earbuds over Jack's shoulder.
So now here he was, clad in a crisp black tee and some dark wash jeans, among the sea of teenage girls and disgruntles boyfriends. Watching as girls in cowboy hats and boots take pictures in the arena.
Jack is more surprised at the fact that Trinity wasn't as excited as he thought she was going to be when he invited them. In fact, Dennis was the one who almost hyperventilated. He almost passed out when Jack told them he had tickets to the sold out show, and he then had to take a 15 minute breather in the staff room after being told they were VIP.
A picture of him sipping on an apple juice carton is still haunting the day shift group chat.
Jack pulls out his phone, squinting as he moves it away from his face, "Santos, can you show them the tickets? I don't know how to work it."
"Sure, gramps." She snatches the phone from his grasp, fidgeting with his phone before the barcode appears.
He gives her a pointed glare, one that says be careful I'm still your attending.
Dennis bounces on his feet all the way through the arena, seemingly in awe and anticipation. "Hey, did the tickets mention how close we are? I brought my disposable camera," he smiles cheerfully.
Before he can get out a reply, Trinity motions for the phone in an effort to not waste time watching him try and find it himself. Her eyebrows furrow as she reads the ticket, zooming in and out to make sure she's seeing right. "It just says VIP Guest, it doesn't say a seat or anything."
Jack grabs the phone back, and sure enough, she's right. "Let's just ask someone who works here."
VIP Guest really means VIP huh.
There's a reason the tickets didn't have a seat. The reason being that the three of them are now standing in between the front row and stage, right where security is. They could pull themselves on stage if they tried hard enough.
Dennis had to whip out his mini fan to keep from fainting.
Trinity took a picture of him again. Captioning it "Fuckleberry's about to cream his pants."
Jack is sweating. Like enough sweat that it looks like he just finished coding a patient at the PTMC. He thought he was going to be able to come to the show, send a thank you email, and go on with his life.
The truth is you made him nervous.
You came into the E.R. looking like nothing short of a goddess, and the flirty comments you made didn't help either. He had to keep his thoughts innocent as he adjusted your joint back in place, looking anywhere else besides where your skirt ended near his grip. Aside from your looks, he could tell you were sincere and kind-hearted person. He heard from the hospital rumor-mill that you came back the next day to visit the peds floor and say hi to some fans.
Essentially, he was fucked.
Which is why the thought of you being so close again is sending him into overdrive. He's afraid he might have to picture a dying patient in his mind so he doesn't grow hard watching you perform in that little outfit again. He heard "Bed Chem" once and had to stop halfway to take a cold shower. He's brought out of his thoughts when Dennis screams as the lights begin to dim.
No time to run and hide now.
It's refreshing to be back onstage after the weekend you had. You spent the past two days icing your leg and praying that you don't make a fool of yourself again when Pittsburgh N2 rolls around.
The adrenaline usually does all the work for you, keeping you from second-guessing yourself as you let the energy of the arena consume you. If you make a mistake, you just smile and keep the show going with a laugh. If anything, it'll make for a funny compilation on YouTube.
Your prayers seem to go answered as the show goes off without a hitch. The blood in your veins is pumping a million miles an hour with each song, and it definitely has nothing to do with the silver-fox attending watching from in front of barricade.
It takes the strength of all your ancestors to not stare directly at him for each song, a challenge so hard that you have to mentally remind yourself to not bite your lip when you do make eye contact.
You allow yourself to indulge in his attention outwardly for one song.
"Pittsburgh, I see some really attractive people in the audience," you fan yourself dramatically, "…my heart is racing. Girls come out here I need some help."
From behind, two of your dancers join your side ready to begin the next set. One has a special set of pink fuzzy handcuffs.
"Girls, look at that man," you bite your lip as you finally point out the object of your desires.
Jack Abbot.
Blue and red lights start flashing while police sirens whine from the stage. The tour camera quick to pull up his face on the large screens in front. At first, he thinks he's having a stroke. But then you're leaning down, biting your lips in an attempt to hide your laughter.
Trinity is almost on the ground, keeling over gasping for air as she pulls up her camera to document this moment.
Dennis keeps looking from the screen then back to his attending. His mouth floundering open and closed. He's jealous.
"I think I need a doctor, what's your name?"
Still in a state of disbelief, he manages to get out, "Jack." He feels like he needs a drink. Or two.
"Are you a doctor, Jack?" Oh you're evil.
He nods, "Dr. Abbot," arms coming to cross in front of himself. He's sure the whistles and barking from behind aren't for him. Not until he hears a woman nearby scream "HE'S FINE AS SHIT!"
Turning towards your backup dancer, you take the pair of handcuffs from her, "I'm afraid I'm gonna have to arrest you for being too hot Dr. Abbot." You giggle as you toss him the cuffs, watching as he catches them with one hand easily.
A hand at the back of your long skirt signals the next bit,"Doctor, you're so hot that my clothes are just falling off my body!" With that, your long skirt drops to the floor revealing the same type of set you wore in the E.R. Stepping out of the heap on the floor, your legs are now exposed in your shiny tights, making the crowd scream.
Jack is really hoping that the camera is only catching his upper half right now.
Faking a cough, you sigh, "I think I'm coming down with something, do you know mouth-to-mouth?"
"I can teach you," he replies, surprising himself with his own boldness.
While the audience may think you're joking, in reality you actually do need to fan the heat away from your face. The intro to 'Juno' starts, and you realize you can't sit here and flirt with him the whole show.
"Come find me after the show then, Dr. Abbot," you wink. "This one's for you."
With that, the opening verse starts and thunderous squealing shakes the arena. Jack doesn't know what to do with himself, not sure if he should be mortified that his residents are fangirling on the side, or if he should take up your offer and find you later. Throughout the song you keep finding his gaze, and each time you do you exaggerate the lyrics into the mic.
Dennis slaps his shoulder repeatedly, "Look, look this is the best part! At each stop she does a different position!" He's already grabbing both Abbot and Santos towards the edge of the walkway. Fuck it, he's VIP he can do what he wants. They're smack dab in the center when you sing.
"Wanna try out some freaky positions…"
The crowd quiets, everyone on the edge of their seat as they anticipate tonight's position. You lay onto your back, left leg bent down while your right leg is lifted in the air. You catch Jack's stare, winking before continuing, "Have you ever tried this one?"
but you have no ring? (blurb - michael robinavitch x f!reader)
summary: robby can't help but show you off to one of his patients when Perlah reveals that he's engaged.
pairings: romantic!michael robinavitch x reader
word count: 1k
technically a part of this universe but can fully be read as a standalone, no knowledge of that storyline necessary here :)
listen to the playlist
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cw: typical warnings that apply to the pitt (mention of a burn injury, hospital setting), fluff even though you aren't actually physically present for this interaction, reader has hair long enough to be clipped back in a nondescript way
!!!!!!contains spoilers for season 2 under the cut!!!!!!
i know we all felt something when Mrs. Kovalenko was asking robby whether he was married or not soooooo obviously i had to write this! also i will definitely be writing a longer fic based on season 2 once everything is released
Robby can’t wait for one o’clock to come.
You had been going on and on about the ‘curse of the last shift,’ something you had seen on a TV show you watched. You had also warned him that having his last day before leaving be the Fourth of July was a terrible idea, but when he didn’t budge you admitted defeat, then promised that you’d come by with lunch for him halfway through the shift. He just had to make it to one.
“Hey, Emma could use your help in six,” Dana says. “Nasty burn on the thigh.”
“On it, thanks,” He says. He overhears the woman in the room say ‘samovar’ as he walks over, pushing the door open to reveal the patient sitting on the bed, Emma at her side.
“I’m sorry, what’s a samovar?” Emma asks.
Robby pulls his glasses out of his pocket as he steps up to the computer.
“It is a big metal urn for coffee or tea,” He explains, putting his glasses on and tapping his badge against the sensor. “They can get super-duper hot, and I was never allowed to touch ours.”
He scrolls through the chart for a moment. “Hello, Mrs. Kovalenko, my name is Dr. Michael Robinavitch, everybody calls me Dr. Robby.”
“Robinavitch?” She asks. “Jewish?”
“You guessed it,” Robby says. “And I see that we are here today for a burn, why don’t we take a look?”
He grabs a blanket from the cart beside the computer, pulling his glasses off and turning around, setting it over her lap.
“Oh, not married?” Mrs. Kovalenko asks, his left hand on full display. The watch on his left wrist is the one that you bought for him, years ago, but she has no way of knowing that.
“No, I am not married,” He answers, giving it easily, his mind focused on the task at hand and not wanting to get into his relationship status with Emma in the room.
“You attend synagogue?” She questions, chuckling a bit.
Robby pulls a pair of gloves on as he answers. “Uh, not for awhile. I mean, High Holidays, mostly.”
He leaves the room feeling heavy, the conversation not going remotely in the direction he thought it would. Luckily, she’ll mostly recover from her burn, but Robby can’t help but wonder if she’ll ever fully recover from what she experienced. He sighs, stretching his neck out before grabbing his phone, sending you a text.
Hey, you awake yet?
You haven’t texted him ‘good morning’ yet, so he’s guessing probably not. He sighs, sliding it back into his pocket and moving on to his next patient.
He returns to her room about fifteen minutes later, just as Perlah’s finishing up with the nonstick dressing.
“Hello, how’s it going in here?” He asks, sanitizing his hands again. “Did I miss all the gross stuff?”
“Timed it perfectly,” Perlah says.
“Excellent,” Robby says, taking a seat on one of the stools. “My job is all about delegation and time management.”
Perlah hums. “Oh, not for much longer.”
Robby perks up a bit. “That is very true.”
“Why for not longer?” Yana asks, looking between the two of them.
“Because tomorrow I am leaving to go on sabbatical,” Robby answers, hands resting on his thighs.
Perlah leans closer to her. “He’s leaving us for three months to travel with his fiancée.”
“Ah, you have fiancée?” Yana asks, her face brightening. “But you have no ring?”
Robby smiles, reaching for the chain around his neck, pulling his engagement ring out of his scrub top. Yana leans forward, admiring it for a second.
“Very nice,” She says. “Where travelling?”
“Hopping around between a few states,” Robby says, honestly not even being able to recall the itinerary off the top of his head. “Then back home for a few weeks.”
“When’s the wedding?” Yana asks, extremely invested in this newfound development regarding his love life.
“November twenty-ninth,” He answers. “She’s always wanted a winter wedding, so, that’s what we’re doing.”
Yana makes a pleased sound, nodding as she holds a hand to her chest. “Oh, I bet she will be so beautiful.”
“She always is,” Perlah says. “Inside and out.”
Robby’s heart starts to race at the comment, warmth spreading over him. She doesn’t even say the comment to him, simply saying it to Yana without any hesitation. Robby knows that it’s because she truly thinks that about you, and that idea makes his thoughts blur for a moment.
“You have picture?” Yana asks, and Robby snaps back to focus, humming. Usually, he wouldn’t show patients photos of you and him, but she’s so lovely. And he knows that you would be telling him to pull one up if you were here, so he does.
The one he picks is from a few weeks ago.
You’re sitting criss-crossed on the nest chair in your living room, he’s across the room from you on the couch. You have a book in your lap, the top half of your hair clipped back, wearing an old sweatshirt and black leggings. The book is open, but you’re looking at him, thumbnail inbetween your teeth as you grin. He can still remember exactly what he said to elicit that response.
He has his camera on, already pointed at you when he realizes, eyes narrowing.
“I asked you where that sweatshirt was this morning,” He says. “You said it was in the wash.”
You glance up, already giggling, your beautiful smile on full display. Robby takes the photo before you can respond.
“Maybe you should’ve looked harder.”
He spins his phone around and Perlah cranes her neck, trying to see it too. Yana’s eyes go soft at the sight of you, a gasp falling from her lips.
“Very, very beautiful,” She insists. “That smile must light up every room.”
Perlah grins at the way Robby goes soft, looking at the photo for a second himself before nodding.
featuring . oscar piastri , popstar!reader , sabrina carpenter fc , strangers to lovers , mutual pining , humour and fluff , no real timeline , use of Y/N , reader is friends with a few celebs , just a bit of fun !
author's note . heyyyy I started this like mid last year and finally got around to finishing it. this is just silly goofy little bit of fun. hope you enjoy! xx
my masterlist ·✶·
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
yourusername • Manchild, Y/N L/N
yourusername ✓ hey men! manchild song and music video is out now! no animals were harmed in the making but some men were 😉
♥️ liked by f1 , mtv and 7,536,604 others
bachnarthur not one man in that video was prettier than her and I respect her sm for that!!!
rachelzegler ✓ ohhh im so sat babe!!!! ♥️ liked by author
sportsfreak oh my god Y/N you've out done yourself ITS SOOOO GOOD
ynfandom11 the bridge 🙃🙃 tew relatable
tatemcrae ✓ so here for the manhating movement 🫶🫶 ♥️ liked by author
selenerrrr MANCHILDDDD WHY YOU ALWAYS COME RUNNIN TO ME
⤷ lando444 FUCK MY LIFEEE WON'T YOU LET AN INNOCENT WOMAN BE???
ynswife best mv of the century
oliviarodrigo ✓ big fan of your work 💐💛 ♥️ liked by author
swiftie13 damn girl you are looking FIREEEEE
ovariandr the grainy + country vibe does you sooo many favours>>>>>
music.luva her voice is like the most heavenly thing in the world
jackantonoff ✓ so proud of this and you ♥️ liked by author
dramaqueenie her natural curls are to die for
formula1fan so obsessed with the outfits in the mv, she really does just make everything look so good.
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f1 ✓
f1 welcome yourusername to the main stage! catch clips of her performance at COTA live now on our youtube, including her new single 'Manchild' played live for the first time 👀✨
♥️ liked by taylorswift , f1academy and 1,483,797 others
mrpiastri MANCHILD LIVE WE WONNNNN
swiftie81 her outfit fits the vibe of cota so well
albongirlie im so in love with her
yourusername ✓ thanks for having me ;) ♥️ liked by author
⤷ f1 ✓ our pleasure. come back again soon! 😉
yt22retribution her playing after oscar won was absolutely the cherry on top this weekend needed
prideguy her releasing the video and then performing it live in the same week ?!!?!?! ♥️ liked by author
⤷ yn.stanner she is absolutely blessing us rn!!!!
izzys.puppies big big fan of her singing live, her vocals are insane
aurafarmer yourusername is there an album coming soon 😫
⤷ yourusername ✓ ... 🤷♀️🤷♀️ ;))))
⤷ f1fanatic WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS MEAN OMG OMG
medicalmarvel did she sing hopelessly devoted to you ??
buckybarneswife absolutely obessed with this outfit and her stage presence!!!!
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f1.wag.gossip
f1.wag.gossip yourusername and her new puppy walking around the COTA paddock before her performance after the race - and interestingly, posted a photo of Oscar's garage: could there be a friendship (or more?) budding between these two? what do you guys think?? #wag #f1 #Y/NL/N #oscarpiastri
♥️ liked by batman.real , ofmicenwomen and 11,394 others
bonradstan body is so tea
martin.fam I can't believe she adopted the puppy for the manchild video 😭😭 bless her
hamiltonian44 specifically at oscars garage?? hmmm....
yns.wife.real OR mclaren were just hosting her? lol
⤷ piastea but specifically oscar's garage? not just mclaren hospitality?
⤷ tatertot32 maybe she doesn't like lando LMFAO
pitt.santos she's honestly more famous than any of the drivers would ever be
sdmnsundays big fan of her music!!
nytgamerr does she actually like f1? or just another boring influencer they invited instead of a fan 🙄
⤷ rapunzel.rapunzel she literally headlined the music performances lmfao
formula1fan33 the dog is so cute omg
sarcastic.kitty her and osc would be so good together
ukbaddie y/noscar I can see the vision !!
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yourusername ✓
yourusername manchilddddd why you always gotta be so pretty and dreamy and treat me so well...
♥️ liked by oscarpiastri , magui_corceiro and 981,234 others
batchild holy fucking hard launch
drwhittaker.fr wow she is so gorg. like drop dead drop panties
⤷ user DROP PANTIES LMFAO
landoscar481 okay... okay I don't know how to respond. my brain just did a full reset from her hotness!
ari.grande111 omg this made my hole weak... I mean my whole week
mamdanistan pretty sure those aren't the lyrics hahahaha
madeleinecwhite ✓ you are glowing girlfriend x
ynsbiggestfan omggg that is DEF OSCAR!!!!
⤷ womensworld i've never seen two faceless photos that look exactly like him until right now... that is soooo him oh my god 🙊🙊
motorsport.gal omggg the photobooth photo 🥹
grammy.winnerz YNOSCAR FANDOM WE RISEEEE!!
oscar.p81 guys check on your local bisexuals I guarantee they aren't doing well or they are extremely horny
alexandramelenaleclerc ✓ my girll 💐💐
rosanovrose the songs we are going to get from this >>
⤷ user they are going to be the freakiest yet sweetest ever
leclercian16 I wonder how charles leclerc feels about this
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yourusername ✓
yourusername got myself a muse. new album 'Man's Best Friend' out next sunday 🐾🐾💋💋 (p.s. do we rate the album cover or the alt... I couldn't decide x)
♥️ liked by oliviarodrigo , bensonboone and 7,814,333 others
jantanoff.is.king HOLY FUCK WHAT
jackantonoff ✓ a pleasure, an honour 🫡 ♥️ liked by author
I.heart.miniminter WITH LESS THAN A WEEKS NOTICE?
wickedista omg it's the oscar effect omg omg
pinkpantheress ✓ can confirm its the best album of all time x ♥️ liked by author
ynswifeylicious LETS GOOOOO!!!!!!!!
formula.1.fandom why does the guy look so much like oscar holy fuck
⤷ oscars.big.one it probably is lmfao
yns.best.friend is it all from a new muse yourusername ??
⤷ yourusername ✓ yes, new muse is so pretty it had me in my feels
wifeto.f1drivers I wonder what the vibe is going to be... freaky or sad or innocent or sweet ?!?!?!
grindr.user113 oh this is going to go triple platinum in my house
zaralarsson ✓ YESS DIVAAA WE LOVE TO SEE IT!! ♥️ liked by author
jorja.f1fan this is potentially the best day of my life
⤷ baby.ynn69 wouldn't it be the day it comes out 😭
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Y/N L/N Takes a Lie Detector Test | Vanity Fair
youtube.com/vanityfair
3.5m views | 97k likes | 7,681 comments sort by MOST POPULAR
user694 the first five minutes essentially just being about oscar lmaooooo
user363 oh so the album is def oscar. they are sooo confirmed by this
user695 the fact that this was filmed before the album came out and yet the rumours where still existent back then hahahaha
user805 never thought I would see the day of Y/N on a lie detector test
user811 the part about the quick turn around from sns to mbf?? aww I love that for her
user485 I would let her take me to bangladesh
user814 she is suspiciously good at dodging questions
user333 I looove when she talks about sns. my baby!!
user921 she looks so yummy here omg. I love this hair on her
user034 whoever created those questions was not messing around LOL
user201 "is he the muse?" "he is very handsome" THAT ISN'T DENIAL Y/N
user859 whoever PR trained her to dodge questions needs a raise bc this was a masterclass. we did not get one straight answer outta her lmaooo
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yourusername
yourusername album out today yayyyy let’s celebrate!! drinks and a hard launch. love you all sm, stream mans best friend 🐾🐾 xx
♥️ liked by charlesleclerc, taylorswift and 13,814,333 others
christiandiior LETS FUCKING GOOO
manchild.girl GUYS ITS MY BIRTHDAY THEY DID THIS FOR ME
oscarpiastri ✓ 🧡🧡 album is outstanding, couldn’t be prouder of you ♥️ liked by author
⤷ yourusername ✓ couldn't do it without my pretty muse 🖼️
dk.bazza.f1 this isn't real. oh my ogd this is real
ukytslut what a day. a new rodds flavour, new Y/N album, and oscar piastri has a girlfriend?? my kids will be hearing ALL about this
f1 ✓ our favourite power couple 🤭✨ congrats on the album! ♥️ liked by author
thgfangirl okay who is this? he kinda cute but is he famous?
⤷ mv33lover legendary f1 driver oscar piastri, known for his dry humour and bottling of championships
rachelzegler ✓ my royal wedding 🙂↕️ ♥️ liked by author
barbiegal huge fan of whatever this is
clubz.ddearie my good close personal friends oscar and Y/N!!
⤷ f1fanatica like yess I orchestrated this (in my dreams)
oliviadeano ✓ you are THAT girl babe ♥️ liked by author
⤷ italianfann she is barbie. he is ken. ken only has a good day when barbie looks at him
world.of.series you have no idea how excited I am about this
sarahmargaretqualley23 ✓ I personally would love a house tour!! ♥️ liked by author
⤷ yourusername ✓ i'd love to show you around sometime xx
⤷ booktokreqs MV APPEARANCE?? WHJAT DOES THIS MEAN
mansbestfriend81 its 8am and I just spat out my coffee at work HELLOOOO!!!!!!!
liviesgirl juno is nawt at all what I was anticipating. the entire album is freaky lmaoaoaoao
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2026 Abu Dhabi Media Day | Driver Reactions
youtube.com/formula1
781k views | 11k likes | 1,353 comments sort by MOST POPULAR
user281 ooohhhh kay im so normal about oscar there omg
user923 sorry what was that question about Y/N??
user898 max's nonchalance just radiates
user633 big fan of oscyn crumbs omggg
user569 I know italianbach is screaming rn
user094 does lance even want to be here anymore
user859 can't wait for the race, hoping for a Y/N appearance!
user912 was isack drunk bc what the hell does he mean by that omg
user554 vcarb needs to keep lawblad together at all costs
user768 Y/NOSCAR CRUMBS LFG
user364 do we think lewis actually enjoys being at ferrari lmfao
user239 awww the comments oscar made are soooo sweet!
user779 lowk the hottest oscar has ever looked. Y/N just has that affect I swear
Summary; Joe supports his girlfriend through her first time headlining Coachella.
A/N; Pure Joe fluff, also I fear im too British to know the ins and outs of Coachella so I apologise if it's not completely accurate.
The heat hits differently at Coachella, not just warm, but dry and constant, like it’s stitched into your skin. Even backstage at the Empire Polo Club, the air hums with it. Dust clings to your ankles, your lip gloss tastes faintly like SPF, and somewhere nearby, someone’s spraying Sol de Janeiro that barely cuts through the smell of hot cables, sunscreen, and sun-baked grass. Golf carts buzz past in short bursts, radios crackle, and the bass from the Main Stage bleeds through everything, low, steady, impossible to ignore.
You’re halfway through vocal warmups when you hear the crowd shift, like a wave rolling across the field. Not louder, just different. Anticipation building between sets.
“Hey,” a familiar voice cuts through it.
You turn, already smiling.
Joe Keery leans against the trailer door like he’s been there a while, artist wristband loose around his wrist, sunglasses pushed up into his hair, a half-empty water bottle dangling from his hand. He looks out of place in the best way, too calm for somewhere this chaotic, like he wandered in from a quieter version of the day.
“You’re supposed to be on tomorrow,” you say, stepping closer, gravel crunching under your boots.
“I know,” he shrugs, easy. “Thought I’d come watch you headline my weekend early.”
You huff a small laugh, nerves easing just slightly.
“Bold of you to assume you’re the main character.”
“Wow,” he winces, pressing a hand to his chest. “Right before your set? Cold.”
But he’s smiling, that slightly crooked smile that cuts through the noise.
A stage manager calls your name, louder this time. Two minutes.
Your stomach drops, sharper now.
Joe notices immediately. “Nervous?”
You hesitate, then nod. “It’s Coachella. Everyone’s watching. It’s… a lot.”
He glances out toward the Main Stage, where the crowd stretches further than you can properly see, just a blur of moving colour, crochet, mesh, glitter catching the late afternoon sun.
“Yeah,” he says. “But they showed up for you.”
You follow his gaze. Flags waving, people on shoulders, phones already raised.
“They don’t know what you’re about to do yet,” he adds. “That’s the best part.”
You exhale slowly, dry air catching in your throat.
“Stay?” you ask, quieter.
“Barrier,” he says instantly. “Wouldn’t miss it.”
The second you step onto the Main Stage, it hits you all at once.
Light. Heat. Noise.
The LED screens flare to life behind you, gold and white washing everything out for a second. The desert sun hasn’t fully dipped yet, so it mixes with the stage lights, warm on your face, almost blinding. The bass kicks up through the platform into your legs, grounding you, familiar as your own pulse.
And then you find him.
Right at the barrier, wedged between fans and security, exactly where he said he’d be. No sunglasses now. Just watching you, steady, focused, like none of this scale fazes him.
It steadies you.
Your first note cuts clean across the field, carried by the dry air. The crowd responds instantly, louder than you expect, a wall of sound pushing back at you, but you lean into it, letting it carry you forward.
Song after song, the set blurs into movement, heat, and light. Sweat gathers at the base of your neck, sliding down your spine. Your hair sticks to your temples, glitter catching under the lights every time you move. The mic is warm in your hand, almost hot, your rings pressing into your fingers as you tighten your grip during bigger notes.
Every time you glance down, he’s still there, grinning when you switch up a run, mouthing lyrics he absolutely shouldn’t know.
During the bridge of a slower track, the crowd softens, just a little. You catch his eye mid-line, and he gives you this small, exaggerated nod, like go on. It pulls a real laugh out of you, airy and unplanned, straight into the mic.
The crowd reacts instantly, cheers lifting, energy shifting lighter.
A breeze cuts through the heat, lifting strands of your hair, cooling the sweat along your jaw. By the final song, the entire field is singing back, phones up, flashlights on, flickering like stars against the dimming sky.
The sound wraps around you.
And then it’s over.
Backstage, everything feels quieter but sharper. Your ears ring, your body still humming with leftover adrenaline. Sweat cools against your skin, leaving a faint chill as you move.
You barely make it two steps before Joe is there.
“That was- ” he starts, then shakes his head, laughing under his breath. “Yeah. That was really good.”
You’re still catching your breath. “Good insane or bad insane?”
He doesn’t answer, just pulls you into a quick, tight hug, one arm around your shoulders, the other settling at your waist. He’s warm, solid, the faint scent of his cologne mixing with dust and night air.
“Don’t do that,” he murmurs into your hair. “You know it was good.”
You smile against him, letting yourself lean in for a second longer than you probably should.
When he pulls back, his hands linger at your arms.
“Tomorrow,” you say, tilting your head. “Your turn.”
“Yeah,” he exhales, glancing back toward the stage like it suddenly feels heavier. “Might need you front row for that.”
You raise an eyebrow. “Obviously.”
He laughs, softer now.
For a moment, the chaos fades, the crews, the noise, the movement. It’s just this small pocket of quiet between you.
“Hey,” he says, like he’s deciding something.
“Yeah?”
“You were right.”
“About?”
“That spotlight thing.” He gestures vaguely toward the stage. “It’s not mine.”
You cross your arms, pretending to think. “Good. Glad we cleared that up.”
He leans in slightly, voice lower. “Doesn’t mean I don’t like standing in it with you, though.”
It’s subtle.
But it lands.
Later, once you’ve both swapped stage outfits for oversized hoodies and caps, you slip back into the crowd. The temperature has dropped just enough to feel good against your still-warm skin. The ground is cooler now, the dust softer under your trainers.
You grab iced drinks from the artist tent, cups slick with condensation, and drift toward the Sahara Tent, where a DJ is playing something low and atmospheric. The bass is softer here, more of a steady hum than a pulse.
You sit on a low barrier, shoulders brushing. Joe stretches his legs out, foot tapping lightly in time.
“Still buzzing?” he asks.
“Yeah,” you admit. “Main Stage takes a while to come down from.”
“Yeah,” he nods. “But watching you do it? Way better.” He glances at you. “That laugh during the bridge, the crowd loved that.”
You nudge his knee. “Your fault.”
“Worth it.”
Silence settles, easy. Somewhere in the distance, the headliner’s crowd roars, the sound rolling across the grounds like thunder.
Joe’s hand finds yours, fingers lacing together, his thumb brushing slow circles over your knuckles.
“Outdoor Theatre?” he asks. “Catch the end?”
You nod.
You walk over slowly, weaving through groups, sequins catching light, the smell of food stalls mixing with dust and night air. At the edge of the crowd, Joe stands behind you, one arm loose around your waist as warm guitar lines carry across the field.
You lean back into him, just slightly.
No big gestures. Just quiet.
When the set ends, fireworks crack overhead, gold and white bursting against the dark sky, echoing across the desert. You stay where you are. Joe’s arm tightens just a little.
“Next year we should line our sets up better,” he says casually. “Or not. This worked.”
You tilt your head back. “This worked.”
He hums, then presses a light kiss to your temple, quick, warm, easy.
Walking back toward the artist area, hoods up, caps low, the path is lit by soft strings of festival lights. Your footsteps fall in sync, hands still linked.
You’re mid-laugh when a flash goes off to your left.
Then another.
And another.
A small group of fans has spotted you, phones already up, excitement spilling over.
“It’s them!” someone says, snapping photos.
The flashes catch you both mid-step, your hand in his, shoulders brushing, your smile half-hidden.
Joe doesn’t let go. Just squeezes your hand and keeps walking, pace unchanged.
You glance up at him. “Guess we’re getting documented.”
“Yeah,” he says, dry. “At least it’s a good angle. You look good.”
You laugh under your breath, leaning into him slightly as the flashes fade behind you.
Further down the path, quieter now, he bumps your shoulder.
“Twitter in ten minutes.”
“Minimum,” you say. “Could be worse.”
He nods, thumb brushing your knuckles again. “Could be worse.”
Around you, Coachella keeps moving, music bleeding from every direction, lights flickering, people passing in waves, but with his hand in yours and that moment already out there, frozen somewhere online, everything feels balanced.
ᴀʟʟ ᴍɪɴᴇ (ᴘᴀʀᴛ 2) ₊ ˚ex!jude bellingham x popstar!reader˚₊
read part 1 here:
read part 1.5 here:
⭑in which, you and jude just can't seem to stay away from each other - and now you need to figure out if it's even worth it to try.
⭑contains, long fic (12k words woah hi guys), angst, exes getting back together, walk down memory lane, yearning, fluff, hurt/comfort, working out issues (communicating! finally! yay!), make out, happy ending
⭑a/n, the "final" part!! i love these two so much, i'm def going to keep writing little bits about them <333
the first time you and jude had fought, you were sure he was going to end things.
you two had fights before, sure, but they had simply been little spats. "why didn't you clean the dishes like i asked?" or, "babe, why did you say that in front of your parents? thats so embarrassing." never this.
it was early february, your first time seeing him since late november, and you had just arrived in madrid after a long 6 hour flight from new york. you spent the whole flight antsy, every form of distraction futile as your mind ran wild. would he be happy to see you? would things be different?
it wasn't jude who had picked you up, given he was at practice when you touched down. it was denise instead, who embraced you tight with a wide smile, rocking you back and forth. you saw a phone camera pointed your way, but you couldn't find it in you to care.
"oh darling, i'm so glad you're back," she practically cooed after the two of you got into the car, driving to her house.
you sent her a soft smile, letting out a deep breath, watching as the trees rolled into the cityscape "same, yeah. i've missed it."
you knew you were telling the truth as you were saying it, but a part of you hesitated before speaking. because it was true - you did miss madrid. you missed your favorite local stores, the restaurants and locals who hardly cared of your status, the cafe you and jude frequented not far from his house - and most of all, jude.
of course you had missed it, after almost a year of calling it a home base.
but you had also missed your own life.
because as much as you enjoyed traveling around with jude and his familly, watching his games and going to his events, it sometimes made you forget that you had your own career and life outside of it.
it wasn't like jude hadn't been supportive of your career. he attended every stop he could of your previous tour at the beginning of your relationship, flew all the way to la and chicago for just a few days when you preformed coachella and lolapalooza, watched from backstage when you did your biggest show, headlining glastonbury for over 200,000 people.
when you had actually remembered your job, jude was there the way you were for him. but that wasn't the issue - the issue was that it was far too easy to forget and push aside your life, because loving him was just so all consuming.
you hadn't told anyone this, but the first week back in new york, you didn't even go to the studio - didn't even leave your apartment. you were simply at a loss - what were you supposed to do now without jude?
you couldn't go to your favorite spanish vintage stores, couldn't lounge around his house, couldn't jump in his arms when he returned from practice. you couldn't lay on the bedrooms balcony, smiling stupidly as you scribbled lovesick lyrics in your notebook, waiting for him to get out of the shower or return from an event.
no, instead, you were left in your apartment alone. your parents had all but moved to the hamptons, your sister constantly working or busy. your friends were all traveling, on tour, doing photo shoots, shooting movies and shows, dealing with their own hectic lives - you were left all alone to your own devices.
and jude was busy. madrid was going through a rough season, and you didn't want to worry him, or take his focus. the last thing he needed was another distraction.
so you hardly left your apartment that first week. the busy streets of new york that once calmed your nerves, because who would possibly care about one passing star in a sea of them, suddenly felt alien.
you called jude either late each night or early in the morning- it was easy when you were working around his schedule. by the time you called, he was either in the car, on the way to early morning practice or the gym, or chilling at home after said events. he would update you on his morning, rant about practice from the day before, give his thoughts on madrids chances at their next match. sometimes denise would be in the car, adding on in an amused, humoring tone. it was your favorite part of the day.
when he asked about your day, you threw him little white lies. "just worked on some lyrics." "the studio was really quiet today, so we got a lot of work done." "i met up with some friends for lunch, they all say hi."
it was easier for him to believe that you could still function without him. and you guessed that was the hardest part, far more difficult than being separated from him - that you didn't know if you could.
how pathetic was that? your biggest fear was to become one of those girls - the girls who loose their personality and individuality when getting a boyfriend. you couldn't be one of those girls. you were one of the most successful artists in the world right now, you had such a lively world in front of you, and such incredible friends and family. you had no reason to loose yourself in jude.
but you had. and you had to come to terms with the fact that you may not know yourself as well as you used to.
after the first week passed, you promised yourself you were done with sulking. you called your producer, and got into the studio early monday morning. you had recorded the first five songs of the album during short trips back throughout the past year, but it wasn't nearly enough. the label wanted an album by april at the absolute latest.
it took you a while to fully write and record the next song. you spent practically the whole week at the studio.
on wednesday, you got out at one in the morning, looking at your phone to see a missed call from jude at 11pm, and a message.
judey🤍
hey baby, just tried calling. i know you're probably busy and it's late so don't worry about calling back. love you, hope all is well xx
he seemed to be doing so...fine without you. while you had spent the first week crumbling under the silence, the weight of his absence, he didn't even need to speak to you.
you
sorry j, super busy at the studio! i hope practice went well, don't forget to keep icing your shoulder, you're still recovering. i miss you.
he didn't respond, just simply calling you the next day at your usual time. you pretended not to check your phone the whole next day.
as the weeks went by, you became more and more readjusted. you met up with friends when they finally returned to the city or schedules cleared up, got back into the flow with writing and recording. things were back to normal, a normal you had hardly even realized had stopped being normal.
but the more you adjusted, the less you and jude talked. one night missing your phone calls turned to multiple, and phone calls turned to brief texts. eventually, it got to the point where you hesitated during quiet moments to reach out - what if he's busy? what if he didn't want to talk?
you had began to get in your own head a little - more than a little. you were having so much fun back in new york, but it didn't stop you from missing jude, from agonizing over the distance. if anything, it was the other way around.
so yes, you were a bit hesitant before booking the flight back. you were only a little ashamed to admit it. whether it was due to how much you were enjoying your time in new york, or your fear of facing jude again, you were definitely nervous.
you were always supposed to come back in feburary. you waited a week before coming back to book the flight.
as denise drove, you let yourself feel the small, almost shameful swell of relief at being back. you had missed it, you weren't lying. and being in the same city as jude again felt like breathing fresh air for the first time in months.
when you arrived at her house, you didn't bring anything inside except yourself. you were hanging out with her for the morning, and returning back to judes late afternoon to see him home from practice.
home. you let yourself feel giddy for a few moments. it really did feel like you were home.
denise poured you some fresh lemonade as you sat in the backyard, telling stories from the few months spent in new york. you played her a song that practically had her sons affection written all over it and she teared up.
around three, the two of you got back in the car and drove the ten-ish minutes over to judes. you knew he wouldn't be back yet, but your chest still pounded with nerves.
denise helped you move your suitcases inside before parting with a sweet hug and kiss on the cheek. you stood for a long minute in the entrance way, looking around the house you hadn't been in for months. it felt strange being back.
you unpacked, smiling a bit when you saw that jude had left your drawers empty for you, as well as your side of the bathroom sink. your anxiety dwelled a bit - of course he had missed you as well, what were you thinking?
you roamed around the house, landing in the couch after ten minutes. you checked your phone - no message from jude. its fine, he's in practice.
but then you checked the time - 4:30pm. your brows furrowed. he was supposed to have ended practice 30 minutes ago. you shook your head, reassuring yourself that it wasn't a big deal.
but then 30 minutes became 45, and then 45 became an hour, and then suddenly, your boyfriend was almost two hours late.
you weren't a particularly controlling girlfriend - he had been late from practice before and you had hardly thought twice about it. it was just... wasn't he excited to see you?
you hadn't left your place on the couch the whole time, simply watching as the time slipped away, biting down on your nails, a habit that had been left behind over a year ago. when you heard the distant sound of the door opening and closing, you flinched.
you plastered on a small smile, standing up, facing the hallway. when he walked through, training bag in hand, his body seemed to relax when he saw you, smile easy. and for a moment, you forgot your frustration, walking over to him as he dropped his bag to the ground, wrapping his arms around you.
he felt as warm as you remembered. the smell of his natural musk and body wash filled your nostrils as you tucked into his shoulder, rising to your tiptoes as he held you gently yet firmly in his arms. you almost cried in relief.
you must've stood there for a whole minute, jude gently rocking the two of you back and forth. when you finally pulled away, he placed a kiss on your forehead. "hi, baby."
your stomach filled with fluttering - how was it he still managed to do that with a single pet name? "hi," you responded back a bit breathless. his hands had come down to your waist, while yours had risen to his shoulders.
you narrow your eyes gently, smile still present, but faded. "what took you so long?"
something passed over his face before he shook his head, squeezing your hips. his smile was a bit strained. "just got some dinner with the guys. practice was long."
you nodded, yet your attention felt distant all of the sudden. "oh," you say. you had thought the two of you would have dinner - maybe back in the kitchen, cooking together like you used to do.
his jaw clenches a bit when he sees your expression. he squeezes you again, and you look at him, guilt clear in his eyes as he tried to smile. "i'm so happy you're back, babe."
the next hour was strained. jude refilled his water bottle as you sat back on the couch, staring into the distance. something about this felt off, but neither of you were quite ready to address it.
when he joined you again, he placed a gentle hand on your knee, urging you to catch him up on everything he missed. as you talked, it was everything it was supposed to be, technically - his warm touch, his attentive eyes, the two of you sitting together in the house that had become yours as well after so long apart - but something wasn't right. it felt like all of the sudden there was a wall between you, and you couldn't tell if it was real or an illusion created by your overthinking.
after a while of catching up, a brief second of silence passed. it wasn't long, but it felt strangely heavy. he cleared his throat, painting on a weak smile. "um, what're thinkin' for dinner? i can order you in something?"
you throw a strained one back - the kind that made your lips look thin and eyes dull. "i'm not really sure. i had thought we were eating together so i didn't really think about it."
you knew the words sounded petty as they left your lips, and you felt a pang of guilt, but you were still a bit frustrated about your reunion. you watch as the blow hits, and he winces. "babe-"
you stand shaking your head, thin smile still placed. "it's fine, i'm just going to cook."
you walk towards the kitchen, letting out a shaky breath. this isn't how it was supposed to go - you weren't supposed to be angry, he wasn't supposed to be walking on eggshells. what was happening?
as you reached the counter, you could hear jude on your heals. "are you upset with me?"
you let out a breath, and it came out fast and heavy, portraying your frustration. you opened up the pantry, not looking at him as your sorted through it, looking for something to make. "no, why would i be?"
he observed you for a moment, reading you clearly. sometimes, you hated how easy it was for him to know exactly what you're thinking. "you're upset," he said, this time a statement.
you huffed, still not looking at him. "i'm not," you insisted, though your tone told a different story. you groaned, frustratedly pushing the door of the pantry shut, a loud bang ringing through the kitchen. "seriously, jude, what have you been eating the past two months? its practically empty in there!"
you see him fight the smile off his lips as he shrugs. "just a few bits n' bobs, really."
instead of responding, you shake your head, storming over to the fridge, and jude follows, shutting it as you open it. you refuse to look in his eyes, crossing your arms and looking to the side. you felt childish as you did this, but you were filled to the brim irritation that you weren't quite sure how to direct it other than this.
"don't be like that," he speaks, smile thinning out and a hint of exasperation rising. "i'm here, just talk to me."
you scoff. "yeah, two hours late," you grumble.
he lets out a noise that resembles a laugh, but lacks the usual light amusement his laughs carry. "that's what this all is about? because i was a bit late?"
"no!" you defend, looking at him now. you run a hand through you hair. "yes, maybe, i don't know!"
you watch as the disbelief washes over his face - the one that isn't quiet angry yet, but incredulous - and you grow more protective. "its not just that! i haven't seen you in two months, jude!"
"look, baby, m'sorry. next time i'll show up on time, yeah?"
he didn't get it - he wasn't getting it. instead of coming home to his girlfriend that he hadn't seen in months, he had gone out on a spontaneous dinner with his friends, ones he just spent over four hours with and sees everyday.
"thats not what this is about," you defended, voice rising as your frustration grew.
"well, lets hear it, then," he says, his annoyance growing as well. "because i'm not gonna know unless you do. i'm not a fuckin' mind reader."
you cross your arms, biting on the inside corner of your lip. "why didn't you just come home?" you ask, tone filled with irritation and a hint of that pathetic neediness you hated.
he sighs, running a hand over his face. "you're being ridiculous. i told you already, practice was long, and the guys asked. it's nothin' personal, babe."
it felt like a big deal. "thats not good enough," you shake your head, pushing past him. the kitchen was starting to feel suffocating.
he clearly wasn't done talking, because he followed you out. his hands were on his hips as he questions you. "why are you being like this? i'm here now, aren't i?"
"you're not getting in," you complain, the frustration almost enough to want to rip your own hair out. "jude, i haven't seen you in two months. two whole months. and you-you what? would prefer to go out with the guys you see every day than come home to me?"
"thats not fair," he points a finger at you, almost scoldingly. "you know thats not fair. you know i've missed you like crazy."
you scoff, and you can't hold back the water from beginning to glass over your vision. "great at showing it, aren't you?"
you words were bitter and laced with insecurity, but you couldn't hold it back. because it was how you felt - that jude hadn't missed you like you missed him. you knew that he hadn't definitely felt your absence, but it wasn't crippling like it was for you. it wasn't soul crushing, it was simply an inconvenience.
"fuckin' hell," he curses under his breath, running a hand over his eyes, head dropping. "babe, i'm knackered. i got home at 3am because we were forced to go to a stupd gala after loosing to levante. levante, babe," he emphasized, looking at you fixedly. "and all i wanted to do was come home, and just - be with girlfriend who i haven't see in ages."
a flash a guilt washes over you. it wasn't like you wanted to argue with him, but you couldn't help your emotions about the ordeal.
"don't," you started, narrowing your eyes. "don't make me feel crazy for being upset at you."
he scoffed, waking over to the coat rack, grabbing his athletic jacket. "you're doin' that one all by yourself."
suddenly, a wave of panic ran through you. was this it? was he leaving for good? would the next time you see him be in the morning, him standing over your side of the best, telling you to pack back up your things and leave?
those were the thoughts that ran over you as he stormed out of the house. had you ruined everything?
jude had never once raised his voice at you before, so the fact that he had portrayed his real frustration. you stood in the hallway after his dramatic exit for a few moments, before finding yourself back on the couch with a glass of wine, sulking once again.
you let yourself cry. you let yourself be angry at him, at yourself, and go through your head all the different ways the conversation could've gone, should've gone. you should've been more mature, more communicative - instead you had given him attitude and expected him to read your mind.
but he had been dismissive, and unfair. both could be true at once, you supposed.
you let yourself be disappointed about the reunion you had been building up since you left, and feel scared about what came next for the two of you. a deep part of you was almost sure that this meant the end.
after a few more glasses of wine and a long moment of sulking, you made your way up to bed. you slipped off your clothes and got into your pajamas in a daze, flipping off the lights and laying in your side of the bed. it was colder than you remembered.
your weren't sure how long you had laid there, zoned out, staring out through the windows, when you heard the door crack open. it was quiet, and if you had actually been attempting to go to sleep, you probably wouldn't have heard it.
your eyes snap shut, as if to feign sleep. you weren't sure if you were ready to face him yet.
the door then quietly clicked shut, and then followed the door to the ensuit closing. the reflection lit up on the windows in front of you, showing that jude had turned the light on, the warm hue slipping past the cracks under the door.
the shower ran for about five minutes - 5 minutes and 13 seconds to be exact - then came to a stop. a few moments passed before the reflection disappeared, and the sounds of jude exiting could be heard. your eyes flickered back shut.
you heard him rustling in his drawers for a second, then the dropping of his towel, and his briefs being pushed up his legs.
the sounds of his footsteps stopped once he reached his side of the bed, the weight of his body joining yours on the mattress not yet being felt. the air was thick with his hesitation. you heard him let out a long, heavy breath.
when you finally felt the bed dip, your eyes scrunched shut tighter with deep relief and distant sorrow.
you hadn't expected him to, but as soon as his body hit the sheets, he scooted over, wrapping himself around you. you instantly melted.
feeling your bodies movement, he squeezed tighter. "hey," he greeted softly, voice mumbled against your shoulder, the vibrations faintly tickling the skin.
you let out a shaky breath, shifting closer. "hi," you responded back timidly.
you both laid in silence for a moment, thoughts running rapidly as you tried to formulate the right words. jude broke the careful quiet with another deep sigh against your skin. "m'sorry."
the words twist up your stomach, and your eyes flutter open. its quiet for another moment. "me too," you whisper back, your lips trembling just a bit. "i'm sorry too."
he nods into your neck, and you feel the steadying rise and fall of his chest. his hands at this point have gone past your waist now that your secure against him, and slipped under the silk of your pajama set, hands still a bit cold from outside.
"fuck, i don't want you to think i didn't miss you. because you..." he lets out a shaky laugh. "you can't possibly understand how much i did."
you turn around in his arms. you can briefly make out his features due to the light under the door from the hallway. "i think i can," you answer, eyes finding his, a sort of desperation held in them as you wrap your arms around his lower back.
he sighs softly, resting his forehead against yours. "i love you - so much. have i said that yet?"
you shake your head softly, but nudge your nose with his, pulling out a small smile. you let out a small breath, brows furrowing a bit, the tension from earlier still heavy on your chest.
"you don't want me to leave?" you ask quietly.
his face falls, pausing for a moment. his eyes were earnest as he reaches out, holding your face in his hands so delicately, as if he was worried this peace between you would break if not handled carefully. "fuck, of course not. i always want you here," he assured. "even if we're fighting, and y'driving me crazy," you let out a sniffly giggle at his words, and his thumb darts out to smooth a stray tear into your skin. "i want you here. always."
you nod, not fully convinced, but wanting to believe him. "okay," you agree softly.
he places an easy kiss on your forehead. "get some sleep, yeah? we'll have a proper reunion tomorrow. start it all over."
you let out a small laugh-like-breath, nodding, and tucking yourself into his chest. "deal."
that little sneaky feeling that the two of you had a lot more to discuss didn't disappear, but it could be ignored for now, because at least you were in his arms. at least you had him.
⭑⭑⭑
you're late.
of course you are - the one time you're supposed to be looking perfect, and be emotionally ready, you're nowhere near.
you guess that might be fitting for the two of you, anyways.
you had a whole plan; you were going to come home, have an hour long everything shower, wash every spec of dirt and shave every inch of your body, lather yourself in lotion and body oil and your favorite perfume (reserved for date nights, only - you hadn't pulled that one out in ages), put on the meticulously picked outfit you laid out last night, planned out to the earrings and bracelets, have a glass of champagne to calm your nerves as you took your time to get ready, beating on a natural glam look that would have him fall to his knees in front of you, surely.
you had it all planned out, but you should've guessed it wouldn't work out the way you pictured, anyways.
your team had sprung on you a last minute appearance at nyu, and it wasn't like you could cancel. beside, you really enjoyed talking to younger crowds, and meeting potential fans, so you were excited, even.
it wasn't supposed to go past 3:30, but that still meant that your hour long shower would have to be cut down to thirty minutes, but you would live.
it, however, absolutely did surpass that time, believe or not - by over two hours.
a few questions turned to many, stopping to chat to a few fans afterwards turned to talking to a horde of them, and before you know it, your in the car back to your apartment, stuck in peak hour traffic, nervously drumming your hands into your thighs, checking your phone ever twenty seconds to check the time.
judes plane landed at three, and he was supposed to pick you up at 6:30 to take you to your favorite restaurant - this was a disaster.
okay, a lot has changed since you left madrid in july.
that morning in the coffee shop, you and jude had to have a really hard conversation. you had to face yourself with all the problems your seemingly perfect relationship held, and you had to figure out a solution.
you're coffees had both gone cold.
the cafe began to fill in a bit as time passed, the early morning risers ready to start their days, but the atmosphere remained fairly quiet and easy.
you and jude had been sitting in silence for a long moment as you both contemplated your next words.
not the heavy silence that you had grown accustomed to during your last month together in februrary, but a thoughtful one. one that said that you both didn't want to get this conversation wrong, that you wanted to say everything possible that had building up between you.
"we have so much we still have to...i mean, i have so many things i want to say."
he nodded instantly along. "same. fuck, same. theres so much, i..." he swallowed, leaning forward even further. "i mean, fuck, babe, where do we even start?"
you let out a shaky breath, a hopeful glint in your own gaze mirrored across his. "maybe at the beginning?" you offered.
but where even was that? if you were honest, it went way past februrary, because wasn't that just when the problems started surfacing?
"when i got to new york, i had no idea what do to with myself," you admitted softly, breaking the silence.
his gaze that was glued out the windows snapped towards you at the sound of your voice. he shifted a bit in his seat, eyes narrowing as he focussed in on you, as if readying himself for this conversation. he gave a small nod. go ahead.
you let out a shaky breath. "i spent the first week holed up in my apartment, sitting miserably around. i...i think i thought it would be easier to get back into my old routine, and y'know, when i actually did it was, but the real struggle wasn't that." your eyes are trained on your hands, fidgeting gently on the table. "it was being away from you."
you don't have the nerve to look up and see judes expression - likely scrunched in concern, an edge of hurt circling his iris. a moment passes. "why didn't you tell me?" he asks, devoid of any real anger, but that direct questioning of his was enough to make anyone scramble.
"i...i guess i was embarrassed," you confess, shrugging a bit as you look back up. "i didn't want to be one of those girls who...just forgets how to be alone, and exist without their boyfriend. i didn't want you to think i was one of those girls."
he doesn't interrupt, letting you speak, letting you express what must've been heavy in your mind for a while now. he simply nods again, encouraging to continue.
"the truth was that, well, maybe i had? it's not that i didn't like my job, or that i didn't like my own individual life, but..." you shake your head, shifting again in your seat. "i couldn't...i didn't know how to function normally without you there. it was like i was so overwhelmed by my love for you, that i had no idea what to do with myself."
it was hard to admit this out loud, let alone to yourself. you watch his expression, waiting for judgement, or annoyance, but it stays rooted in understanding, brows furrowed in concentration.
so, you go on. "after the first week, i started to actually work, and go to the studio and everything. and jude, i mean...i completely forgot how much i really loved it," you express, your own chest lightening a bit at the topic. "i forgot how much fun it was, how good i would feel leaving the studio every day, how accomplishing it felt."
he nodded along once more, his lips tilting up a fraction.
"and when it was time to come back here...i think i started to panic, a little," you explain, your expression hardening a bit, eyes narrowing thoughtfully. "i don't think i understood that there could be a balance, and that there was a way to maintain it. that i could be with you, and also be by myself."
his lips part to let out a soft breath. your hands reach forward for your cold mug, and you let the brief moment of silence fall between you. you look around to see the scene around you - an older couple sitting in the corner, sharing a pastry, a man in a suit typing on his computer, a few people waiting for their to-go cups. in a way, it was grounding, reassuring - knowing that all these people had likely faced hardships like the one you were faced with now, and had moved on. had been able to get out of bed, go to work, and keep moving.
you look back at jude to see his gaze already on you. when your eyes meet, you give a soft nod. your turn.
he lets out a breath from deep in his chest, and leans back, his hands still around his mug, his gaze falling down to it. his lips part for a moment, preparing to speak, before the words come out.
"when it was getting time for you to come back...i was really nervous," he confesses. "i spent the whole time you were gone missing you, wishing you were still here. and i think i felt...guilty, that i felt like that?"
he shakes his head softly, eyes flickering up to yours to see your expression - as if he was checking for assurance - before continuing. "you were always so good at being by my side, and i didn't want you to think i wanted you to sacrifice your passion for me, so i 'spose i was glad you went back, but...fuck, i missed you like crazy."
theres a slight crack in his voice towards the end, and it makes you want to reach over and hold him. it makes you want to lay your head on his shoulder, whispering all the love and adoration you have for him into his skin so he never forgets it. you stay rooted to your seat, but lean a bit closer instinctively.
he sighs, leaning forward on the table. he squints a bit, head turning to his right to look out the window for a moment. "and i got a bit in my head, didn't i? proper crazy," he laughs a bit at himself. "i think i was scared that you liked it better back home, that you wouldn't want to be here as much. i mean, we hardly talked that much while y'were away. i thought that meant you were close to done, if m'bein honest."
your heart clenched a bit, and you reached over, a hand threading through his as you looked intently into his eyes. "nowhere near, jude."
he sighs softly, squeezing your hand, looking back at you. "i know. i know that now. but then...i was just a right idiot," he shakes his head softly, eyes narrowing a bit in frustration. "i knew you'd be home, and i knew that i should've said no to the boys, but...like i said, i was scared. things were changing and i wasn't ready to face it. i didn't want us to be different. i liked the way we were."
you nodded along. "yeah," you say through a breath. "yeah, me too. i think maybe that was our issue, y'know? i think...its really normal for relationship dynamics to change as they grow, but maybe we took that as if it was a bad thing?"
"yeah, i s'pose," he agrees gently, squeezing your hand softly. "i...i just wanted you to be happy. and i was so worried that being here with me wasn't making you happy anymore."
you heart squeezes at the sentiment, because it's just so jude - empathetic, that inherent need to make the people he loves happy, that familiar self-sacrificing to ensure it.
that was the jude you fell in love with.
you swallow down the rising emotion, nodding softly, looking down to the table. "being with you did make me happy. i just...i needed to also be able to be happy by myself. and that wasn't your fault, and i guess it wasn't really mine either."
his voice comes out quiet. "yeah, i guess me too. i needed to trust that your feelings for me, and our relationship, was stronger than the distance. i guess i was just actin' a bit like an insecure dickhead, wasn't i?"
you shake your head, thumb smoothing over the back of his hand. "we both made mistakes," you correct softly. "us breaking up isn't just one of our faults."
its quiet for another moment. your ears pick up on the gentle jazz humming through the speakers of the shop, the quiet chatter filling up the silence between you and jude. you feel the callouses in his hand, the subtle up and down movement of his leg bouncing under the table.
"what now?" he murmurs questioningly. his gaze on you is intense, but so filled with that longing affection. you wonder if he was itching to reach forward just as much as you were.
what now? you had no idea. you had gotten to the root of the issues, taken accountability, adressed where you went wrong - but what now? talking about the issues doesn't erase them. it doesn't take back all that has happened. you knew it would take more than that.
you softly bite down on your lip. it wasn't like you could just jump back to where you left off - as much as you longed to, it wouldn't be the same, and it wouldn't be healthy. you would just end up exactly where you left off when you broke up - exactly where you're sitting now.
it would take more than that. but you were willing to do whatever it took - thats how much you had faith in him - in him with you.
your gaze flickers across his features with an air of quiet resignation, yet gentle fondness. "i think...i think we take it slow. like, really slow," you answer quietly.
a slightly shaky breath leaves your lips. "i'm...i'm going to go back to new york," your voice cracks a bit towards the end, nerves shaking your initial gentle composure. "and you're going to stay here."
you watch as judes features harden, brows inching inwards. you rush to finish yourself before he assumes the worst. "and we're going to be okay."
it would be hard - you knew it would be hard. it was easier to try to ignore the jude-sized hole in your heart when you were still a bit angry, when you were busy and not talking. but it would be different this time.
you would wonder where he was, and try to suppress that need to contact him at all times. if he was out celebrating a win with the team, you would have to push down your insecurities, push down the made-up image of another woman all over him in your mind.
he roughly inhales. "how...how is this time any different?"
you timidly shrug. "i'm not sure it will be," you admit. because you didn't - you could very well still be a mess without him, wondering if he still loved you as much as you loved him, wondering if you were worth all the distance and drama. and he could still
"but i love you enough to try," i softly utter. "and the only way to solve the problems is to confront them. and the issues aren't with each other - they're with ourselves."
jude knew that every word that left your lips was reasonable, true, even. but it didn't make it any easier.
he just got you back - and now he has to let you go again?
"am i..." his voice cracks towards the end, and your fingers squeeze him tighter. "am i allowed to talk to you?"
his voice is akin to a little boys, and it makes your chest clench and eyes glass over. you sniff slightly. "of course, jude. anytime you want," you assure. "but we...we can't..."
he nods, a hand coming up to wipe at his eyes, leaving the skin around them red. "i know. you're right, babe."
he leans over the small table, brushing some hair behind your ear, and you rest your cheek against his palm, looking up at him with stars in your eyes. he looks at you intently. "i love you. and i love you for loving me enough to stick it out, because this might be difficult."
you nod, a hand coming to his inner upper arm, needing more contact between the two of you. "probably," your lips tilt up a bit, self deprecatingly. "but it'll be worth it."
he lets out a heavy breath. "i hope so."
you did as you both said you would do - you flew back to new york, and jude stayed in madrid.
and you were right - it was hard.
you did what most girls in their 20s living in new york did. you went out with friends, bought a pilates membership, spent late afternoons sitting in a west village restuarant with an aperol.
you spent a lot of time with your friends and family, especially in the beginning. it was a bit hard - okay, really hard - to be alone at first, so you stayed at your sisters townhouse on the upper west side for a whole week, then bounced between your friends apartments for a bit.
you wrote, every now and then when you felt like it - it kept you busy. you even released a song for an upcoming movie.
you missed jude greatly, but it was different this time.
instead of suffering in the silence of your insecurities, this time, the two of you talked. you made as much room as possible for catch ups over the phone, and you were honest about what you were feeling in those moments.
"it's still really hard to be alone."
"i had a rough day today. i wish you were here."
"i had trouble sleeping last night. i almost didn't tell you, because i wanted you to have fun while you were out, but i couldn't shut my brain off."
as time passed, you stopped wondering where jude was all the time, if he missed you.
it wasn't because you cared less - it was because you knew that jude loved you, and that was all that mattered.
and that knowledge didn't come from yourself alone. it came from his constant reassurance, his words of adoration and care.
"i don't care how many times i have to say it," he had one time expressed through the phone speaker after you had been particulalry hard on yourself. "i'll say it as many times as i have to for you to understand that im serious about us, and that nothing is going to change that."
you also had to reassure him, it wasn't a one way street - jude often wondered if your devotion to him was causing you more harm then good. that classic self-sacrificing bs that was so endearing, yet so frustrating, still kicked into action often. you did a pretty good job and kicking it back to sleep.
after five months, the two of you were in a really good spot.
so when jude suggested tentatively that he buy a ticket out to new york, you didn't hesitate to say yes - you probably should've, but you couldn't help but be excited by the prospect.
the idea of seeing him after re-establishing the trust, after building up a friendship with the promise of more - it was everything you've been waiting for.
"its about time i come to you," he murmured tiredly over the phone that night. it was early in the morning in madrid, and he had made sure to be up to catch you before you went to sleep. "after all of the months of you coming to me. i think its only fair."
and it was supposed to go perfectly - but you were late.
when the car finally rolled into your street, you hurriedly thanked the driver and practically jumped out of the car, slamming the door shut as you hopped onto the sidewalk. your heart dropped when you saw what stood by the doors of your building.
jude.
looking perfect.
you were too late.
he was leaned against a pillar, looking at his phone. for a moment, you were to overwhelmed by the joy filling your chest at the sight of him, that you charged towards him.
"jude," you breathed, the single announcement of his name filled with a tone of relief and deep affection. he looked up, eyes lightening as you crushed into his chest, arms wrapping around his back. his arms easily held you, fitting himself back against you like it's muscle memory.
he said your name with his chest, and it sounded like coming home. you pull away and see the slight twitch in his brows, portraying his confusion. "what-"
"i'm so sorry," you blurted out, the events of today rushing in. "i got forced into doing this q&a thing at nyu today, and it was supposed to be long done by now, but it totally went overtime, and we got stuck in rush hour traffic, and i was supposed to look perfect and everything was supposed to be perfect and-"
"woah, woah," jude chuckled under his breath a bit, cutting off your ramblings with a steady hold of your upper arms. "slow down, s'alright, yeah?"
"no, it's not," you shake your head, hands coming up to cover your face. "you came all the way here and i'm a mess and it was supposed to be-"
"let me guess - perfect?" judes tone with lightly amused. "no offense, love, but since when are we perfect?"
your heart flutters faintly and the pet name, and the corners of your lips lift just a bit. you let out a huff, crossing your arms, a weak attempt at defiance. "i was at least supposed to be showered."
"y'can do that still," he promises, reaching down to scroll on his phone. you furrowed your brows. "what are you doing?"
"cancelling the reservation," he replies bluntly, and your face falls. "no, jude, what-"
"we're not gonna make it," he shakes his head. "and we don't want to spend the little time we have rushing."
his words made sense, but you still stubbornly wanted to stick to the plan. "but jude -"
"no buts," he directed. "you're going to go upstairs and show me your apartment, shower, get all comfy, and we're going to order in dinner."
you huff. "but jude-"
"and its going to be perfect." his voice is lightly teasing, his eyes widened in that way that meant he was poking fun at you with that harmless, boyish charm that you missed so much that you couldn't help but let your lips lift.
you roll your eyes half-heartedly, but nod. "fine. but make another reservation for tomorrow, the rigatoni there is insane."
and just like that, the two of you managed to effortlessly slip into your old groove, without even thinking about it.
you pull him inside when you see someone squinting over at the two of you, clearly trying to place where they know you from.
you took the elevator up and showed jude around your apartment. he made little comments throughout the short tour that made you secretly glad that you had forgone your reservation after all.
"oi, i remember taking this photo. when'd you put it up?"
"this just feel so much like you. i love it."
"if i were you, i wouldn't even need a bed, this couch is proper comfy."
having jude in your space for the first time was a bit surreal - in these walls, you had spent so much time missing him, and here he was.
you left jude to his own devices as you made you way to your room, slipping into the bathroom and showering. it wasn't quite as long as you had planned, but you were too entirely aware of judes presence in the next room that you could hardly wait to rejoin him.
once the drama of your reunion was forgotten, you finally processed it - jude was here. in your apartment. after five months of not seeing him.
this was something the two of you had waited on for far longer than five months, though. since your devastating breakup in februrary, since he dropped you off at the airport the december before that - the two of you have waited to be here again.
you were only just a bit terrified of his being here. after all the work you both had done to get here, the last thing you wanted to do was ruin it.
it could all be for nothing - you could both realize that you aren't right for each other anymore, that you don't work, that you've outgrown this relationship. but you were willing to take the risk.
you stepped out of the shower, drying off and stepping into a pair of cotton sleep shorts and throwing a tank top over your head. you brush out your wet hair, apply some lotion over your skin, then step back out.
jude had made himself at home, resting back on the couch as he watched some game on the tv. soccer, or football, whatever, definitely. seeing him so casually in your space was a little breathtaking that you paused in the entryway before making your way over to the couch.
he looks up as you sit in the corner of the couch, not far from where he's sat, and reaches for the remote, turning down the volume. "hey, how was your shower?"
"nice," you answer simply, smiling softly over at him.
you felt an odd sense of ease. you had expected to be much more nervous in this moment, but you supposed the circumstances of your reunion quickly broke the ice.
"good," he smiles back. "i ordered in some food - hope you don't mind, i went through the drawers of your kitchen and found some takeout menus. chinese okay?"
you nod, lips staying in that easy smile. "yeah, thats perfect."
you adjust a bit to reach for a throw blanket, laying it over your legs. "so, how was the flight?"
he shrugs, leaning into the back couch cushions. "not too bad, yeah. a little punk decided to kick my chair half the time, but otherwise it was alright."
you snicker, nudging his knee with your outstretched foot. "you probably antagonized him first."
his jaw drops in offense, though his smiling eyes gave him away. "no, i did not! i was perfectly well behaved."
"sure you were," you tease, shaking your head.
the two of you chat back and forth easily, catching up on details you managed to miss in phone calls this past week. you missed watching his game last night because you had dinner with your manager, so he gave you a recap, passionately retelling the events of the match, with you hanging on to every word.
when the food arrived, the two of you sat on the carpet, eating the takeout chinese off the coffee table. it felt so much like the old you and jude that your heart almost burst at the domesticity of it.
still, you didn't want to cross any lines. while the two of you had easily fell into a familiar rhythm, nothing inherently romantic or intimate had occurred. you were both skating around it, waiting for the other to strike first.
the sun quietly began to set past your windows, the late afternoon sun washing over jude in the most beautiful way that you sometimes paused in conversation to stare. he would eventually notice, eyes tilting knowingly, lips tilting up before nudging you gently. "you were saying?"
"where the rubbish?" he asked after you both had finished, picking up the empty takeout containers as he rose to his feet.
you scrunched your nose, looking up at him from your place on the ground. "the rubish is next to the sink in the kitchen," you direct through a teasing smile, copying his accent.
he rolls his eyes, "accidentally" bumping into you as he reaches down for some more containers. "sorry, love, trash," he mocks in an american accent.
you let out a laugh through your nose, turning to watch him bring the discarded boxes over to the trash, seeing as he shakes his head to himself, a fondly amused smile playing his lips.
when he returns, the sun has mostly set, the channel moved on to something random, given the game had ended long ago. you got up to light some candles to overpower the lingering scent from the food, and gathered some more blankets to warm the two of you up. early january in new york was not pretty.
you remembered that you had some old clothes of his that you had "borrowed" between trips, and offered them to him so he was more comfortable. he accepted, and travelled with you to your room as your sorted through your closet.
when you returned with a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, you found him standing by the doorway, eyes trained on a photograph framed on your dresser - one his mom had took that christmas you spent in stourbridge. it showed the two of you sitting on the patio in a swing seat, mugs of hot chocolate in both hands and a shared blanket on your lap, grinning big with red-chilled cheeks at the camera.
you swallowed, handing the clothes to him with a small smile, before pointing towards the bathroom.
you sit back in your spot from before on the sofa, and a few moments later, jude returns, sitting just a bit closer this time.
after both of you get cozy under a few blankets, a moment of silence passes. not awkward, or heavy, just aware.
it's you who speaks first. "can you believe its almost been a year since we broke up?" you ask, you voice quiet, holding a certain softness that wasn't present before.
he shakes his head, a deep breath leaving his lips. "no, not really. but, at the same time, kind of. it...it feels like its been a long time, since we..."
since we were dating, were the words he had wanted to say, but were a bit too complicated. because in all your discussions about fears, and insecurities, and emotions, there had never been one specifically labeling if you were official or not.
while there was a blatant understanding that you belonged to the other, that there was no one else either of you were entertaining, your relationship status to others was simply described as "its complicated," or, "we're....together?"
at the end of the day, it didn't really matter, it only had to make sense to the two of you. but, sometimes you wondered how else to call it, if not a relationship.
"yeah, i know what you mean," you reply gently. because it did - it felt like forever since he's really fully felt like yours.
jude places a hand over the blanket covering your knee, and when you meet his eyes again, they're swirling with that heart-clenching gentle care that makes you want to throw caution to the wind. "i'm glad i'm here."
his words are simple, yet they made your heart beat just a bit faster. the tension in your features ease, and an easy smile pulls your lips.
"i'm glad you're here, too," you all but whisper back.
"and," he continues, swallowing. "i know we probably still have some things to talk about," he addresses, his features tensing just the slightest. "but i just want to...exist with you, just for tonight, if thats all right. we can figure the rest out later, yeah?"
you nod as he finishes speaking. "yeah, i'd like that."
you can't remember the last time you had just existed in judes space.
he nods in response, features softening again. you prop your elbow against the back of the couch, resting the side of your head into your palm as you gaze over at him. the warmth of his hand is still felt on your knee from over the blanket. "so," you start, eyes glazing over with a soft playfulness. "hows the weather in madrid this time of year?"
jude chuckles, shifting a bit to match your position. "cold, but not as cold as here."
"i remember that. has it snowed yet?"
"not yet," he answers, maintaining you eye. god, you forgot how hard it could be to make eye contact with him. "but it will."
you hum, eyes falling down to his hand on your knee. you hesitate just a moment. "do you remember that one time it snowed? it was like....january, 2025? we just got back from you parents?"
recognition crosses over his eyes, and something slightly darker. he clenches his jaw and nods, hand flexing a bit against your knee. "yeah, i remember."
how could he not remember? the snow coating his yard, the two of you cozying up by the fire, the way he looked at you as he took you right in front of it...
you look back up at him, observing his features. were your crossing a line? should you not be bringing this up? though his eyes were just a bit harder, the memory clearly present, he was looking at you with this open intensity that you took as a green light.
"thats one of my favorite memories, you know," you quietly tell him. "it was one of those ones that i had to put in a box after we broke up. too...perfect to remember when you're trying to forget about someone."
your smile is a bit crooked, a bit self deprcating, but jude simply nods. "i know what you mean."
you bite down on your lip. "maybe thats why i wanted tonight to be perfect as well, or whatever. i had this image of what it was supposed to be, you know, basing it off of the past," you shake your head, brows furrowing a bit. "but what made it perfect was that we weren't trying. it just turned out that way."
he looks at you thoughtfully, then down at his hand. he slightly moves it, back and forth, in a soothing motion, before looking back at you. "i think this is pretty perfect," he comments quietly, looking at you intently.
you smile softly, nodding in return. "yeah, i think so too."
when did the two of you get so close? had you both subconsciously scooted closer, or had he done it on purpose? were your bodies just naturally drawn to each other, that you just naturally magnetized?
one of his hands comes up to brush a stray strand of hair behind your ear, his gaze a perfect mix between intimate and intense. your tongue darts out to wet your lips, your eyes falling briefly to his, full and plump, and suddenly just inches from your own.
for a moment, he looks conflicted, his thoughts surely mirroring yours - is this too fast? should we slow down? should we wait?
but you had been playing by the rules for so long, been playing the long, waiting game, all to get to here. you supposed you could afford a rule break, especially when it felt as right as this.
it was a soft brush at first, more a question than a kiss - is this still okay? can it still feel like this? but when you leaned in further, he deepened it, like a secret - or assurance - passed from lip to lip.
a sharp intake of air left your lips - you're not exactly sure what elicits it, whether its the blissful feel of his lips on yours again, or his hands moving up from your knee along your thigh.
your hands stabilize on his waist, fingers dipping between the waistband of his sweatpants and hem of his shirt, sliding across the skin there. a flash of pride comes through you when you feel his grip on your leg tighten in response.
a few slow brushes of your lips deepens when his free hand cups your jaw, pressing himself closer.
the ripple that passed through your chest told you everything you needed to know - it was warm, and slow, and so terrifyingly right. just like you and jude.
the pace quickens just a bit, your hands coming up to his shoulders and shifting over to sit on your knees when you feel the need to get closer. catching your new desire, he subtly nods against you, shifting so he's sitting back against the couch cushions, pulling you over to sit in his lap. you let out a noise of appreciation in return.
he kissed you like it was a promise. firm, unshakeable, filled with things he wasn't sure he could say out loud just yet. i've been waiting for you. i've missed you, i still love you so much it scares me i'll ruin this again.
and you kissed him like you believed every word hanging off his lips - because you did. you did now, and you would as long as he would speak them, and probably even past that.
you had almost forgotten how intoxicating it was to be with him like this - how intensely he flooded your sense, making your brain go foggy with all other thoughts but him. you wondered if he would still be able to do that, the answer clearly a glaring yes.
you press yourself against his chest, keeping your hands on his shoulder - behave, you instructed yourself through the fog. don't take it too far.
his hands take a possessive hold on your lower back, fingers slipping under the hem of your tank top to simply rest on the skin. you wonder briefly if he also itched to take it further.
"okay?" he breaths past your lips, parting for just a moment.
you nod instantly, eyes flittering to his. "mhm."
at your approval, judes lips tilt, nose brushing against yours. "fuck, babe, missed this."
you hum out a sigh, smile matching his, reaching your hands around to the nape of his neck to play with dark coily curls there. "probably not more than me."
he raises his brows, amusement dancing in his irises. "ya think?"
"mhm."
"hmm," he hums, hands sliding over to squeeze at your waist again. "think i can change your mind?"
his husky voice causes your stomach to flutter, and you softly bite down on your lip. "you can try."
"i can do more than that," he says against your lips, before reconnecting them.
he shifts so the two of you are laying down against the couch, heads cushioned by your couch cushions, reaching over to cover you with a larger throw blanket, all while staying connected to your lips.
this time, the kisses were slower, and deeper, and thicker - like he really was trying to prove just how much he missed this. while the kiss isn't anything overtly sexual, it's sensual, and elicits a content yet needy sound to leave your lips.
his hands shift from your back to your hips, holding you tight against him as your legs find their place tangled between his legs. you can feel his warmth even more in this position, both of your heats trapped with you under the blanket, though you're hardly complaining.
his tongue reaches out to tentatively brush against yours, and at your receptive moan, he takes it as his sign to repeat the motion, deepening the kiss even further.
"you shaved," your murmur suddenly against his lips, hands momentarily reaching up around his jaw. you can't believe you just realized this, that the absent feeling of his stubble brushing against your chin was what gave it away.
a sigh leaves his lips, and he lets out a breathy laugh like sound. "um, yeah, i did."
your brows pinch just a bit. he wasn't shaved earlier this week when you watched his match, meaning he did it recently - had he done it just for you?
you simply meet his lips again, hands coming around his back to press him closer to you, pulling up his shirt to feel his skin against your palms.
you're not sure how long you spent like this - held in his arms, lips meeting adoringly, making casual conversation when your breaths get too labored or hands get to needy - but you know you fall asleep in that position, far too happy to ever let him leave your side again.
⭑⭑⭑
2 months later
⭑⭑⭑
you were really nervous to be here.
you weren't sure why - the two of you had already gone through most of the hard motions of rekindling, this was just another one. though, that being said, most of said motions weren't actually hard at all. in fact, most were pretty nice.
when you told your friends and family that you and jude had officially gotten back together, everyone was decidedly elated for you. after you had admitted to your friends about your slip-up back in july that actually ended with a productive conversation and plan, they began to slowly thaw to the idea of you and jude getting back together. lucky for them, they had five months to get used to it.
your sister didn't seem surprised - she was the one who had looked at you so knowingly at her own wedding, who had observed your mutual devotion to the athlete, joking quietly about how it would be the you in that dress one day, so sure you and jude would last.
your parents, on the other hand, were both surprised - bless their hearts, they may be the only ones - but were thrilled. they both had loved jude, and loved how happy he made you when you were together. jude called you the night after you told them over lunch that your dad had already texted him with a promise to fly out to watch a game in person, and your mom had also messaged him with sweet words of approval.
his friends and family were the same - many of judes friends had become your own throughout your relationship, and while you kept distant contact with most, it was nice to finally be able to really see them. when you came back to madrid to visit, you had dinner with a few of his closest friends on the team, and you couldn't stop smiling all night, wrapped around jude like some dream you had in the depths of your despair.
you got dinner with just denise on that same visit, and it was just so warm and easy that you came home to jude and cried by how happy it made you.
over the few days jude was in new york, you both slowly came to the conclusion you were ready to go full in. he officially asked you to be his girlfriend on your fire escape at sunset the night before he left, and you tackled him by climbing over and peppering kisses all over his face as you agreed.
that night he group called his parents from your living room, fresh out of the shower after celebrating your re-upgraded titles, and they answered after a few respective rings.
"jude, darling, how's new york?" you heard his mother ask.
judes eyes flicker over to where you were standing in the kitchen - wearing only his shirt - and his lips tilted up. "yeah, great, mum. can't complain."
"are you at the hotel right now?" his dad questioned, squinting at the screen.
a small, breathy laughs left his lips, and he looked back over to you, silently beckoning you over. "nah, nah, i actually have a surprise for you both."
standing behind him on the couch, you peeked down to the screen, smiling nervously. "hi guys, how are you?"
the wide grins that took over their features soothed your worries instantly. "oh, darling! this is such a nice surprise! how are you?" denise gushed.
"i've been good, thank you. great now that your sons visiting me."
"he seems to be doing pretty great himself, doesn't he?" mark teased from his corner of the screen, causing the three of you to laugh.
he called jobe right after, and his younger brother shook his head with a big smile. "i should've known, you slimy git. can't help himself. right pathetic, innit?"
so, the friends and family aspect? that part was by far the easiest.
figuring out the logistics was a bit less. you and jude 2.0, while being a lot stronger and a lot more secure, still wanted to see each other as much as possible.
even though, career wise, it isn't particularly busy for you right now, you didn't want to reverse all the work you put in by just running off into the sunset with jude again. so, you still spent most of your time in new york, which jude understood wholeheartedly. "i spent a basically year without you," he had expressed. "i can handle a few weeks at a time."
when you weren't in new york, you were back in your second home, madrid. you were so happy to be back, that you spent a whole day alone just going to all of your old favorite spots while jude was at practice on your first visit back.
sometimes, it was still hard, especially the first month. you still had to have a few serious conversations, still had to work through some kinks, but as more time passed, the easier it got.
so that leads to now - you sitting in the front seat of denises car as she drove to bernabeu to attend your first game since your broke up.
you initially didn't know why you were so nervous. you never really cared all that much about public perception when it came to you and jude, especially given that most of it was positive, so why did it matter if the world knew you were back together?
but, as you had talked it out with jude the night before, it began to make more sense.
"i guess..." you had started, sat next to him in bed, wearing your black, slip nightgown. "i'm worried it will pop the bubble."
"pop the bubble?" he questioned, hands behind his head as he laid beside you in nothing but his boxers. talk about distracting.
"yeah," you huffed a bit, lips tilting. "everything has just been so nice these past few months, and i think i'm a bit worried that...i don't know, i guess it doesn't really make much sense."
"no, it does," he assured, leaning over to place a hand on your knee. "you're worried that if the world knows, then 'reality' kicks in, and this all fades."
a flash of guilt passed over your features. you slumped over a bit, laying down against the pillows, scooting closer. "it doesn't mean i don't have faith in us, i just..."
he shushed you with his hands on your waist. "i know, love, i know that. and i get it, we've been living in this 'bubble', and it feels too good to be true. but it's real, and i promise i'm not going anywhere."
you nodded softly, hand coming around to wrap around his back.
"and if you're not ready, you dont have to come to the math tomorrow. i wont be hurt."
"thank you," you murmured softly. "but i want to come. i've missed seeing you play."
even though he said he wont be hurt, you still wanted to be there for him. you wanted to show him that you're always going to stick it out, even when it's scary. thats the whole point of you and jude 2.0.
"i'm glad you're here, sweetheart," denise smiles warmly at you from the drivers seat as she pulls into the vip parking lot.
you smile back, letting out a small breath. "me too. i'm a bit nervous being back here after so long, and, of course, the media and whatever, but its been so long since i've seen jude play in person so, i'm excited."
shes hums in response. "yes, well, that makes sense." a heavy sigh leaves her lips. "the media can be a nuisance, but what was always so strong about you and jude was that neither of you paid it any mind."
you nod in agreement, eyes softening. "yeah, that's true."
the two of you make your way up to the box, being led by staff through a root when you wouldn't be seen just yet. when you got there, you were greeted by mark and jobe, as well as a few other friends and family you were finally reuniting with.
you were much calmer now that you were surrounded with familiar faces, and thinking back on both your conversations with jude and his mom almost completely quelled your anxious thoughts.
you hardly thought about the cameras on you as you stepped onto the balcony with jobe, talking casually as you took your seats a few minutes before the game starts. you simply waved with bright smiles at a few fans when you noticed their attention, before continuing your conversation with judes brother.
the rest of his family came to join soon, and you all settled in to watch the match. when jude came out on the field, he instantly turned to the box, squinting up to where you are. when he spots you, his whole face lights up, pride washing over his features. he blows you a kiss and a wink, and you grin down at him, blowing him a million tiny kisses back.
"whats bellingham lookin' at?" a commentator questions to his companion.
"looks like the family box," his co-worker conspires. when the footage pans to you, he chuckles. "ah, must be the missus."
"well, thats his ex-missus, innit?"
"i guess not anymore. looks like bellinghams got his happy ending before the game even starts."
genre : enemies to lovers lowk? romance w/tension, one-shot ! a lil fluff in the end, mention of angst?
warning : jealousy, fear, reader’s career is her top priority so she can be the b word.., questionable actions, reader is a “bit” anxious, isn’t based of sabrina! (name) is a few fries short of a happy meal but she’s cute
the stadium almost felt silent despite the noise filling every corner, the roar of the crowd blending into white noise. or perhaps it was simply her heartbeat drowning everything else out, quickening with every positive affirmation she repeated to herself. her knees bounced nervously beneath her seat.
“I am worth it, I deserve it, I can do an-“
her attempt at a calming inner monologue was interrupted by a familiar male voice beside her. her manager, George, had taken the seat next to her.
“sweetheart, if you’re actually planning on calming those nerves, you’re going to need this.”
george held out a flask. she immediately scrunched her nose and shot him a skeptical look, but the unimpressed stare he returned made it clear he wasn’t interested in hearing any complaints.
letting out a defeated sigh, she took the flask and cautiously sipped from it. the moment the liquid hit her tongue, her face twisted in disgust at the harsh burn.
george snatched the flask back before she could say anything and took a long swig himself. a second later, he broke into a cough, grimacing as the drink went down.
“god,” he muttered between coughs, “that’s stronger than I remembered.”
“george, please, pretty please, listen to me. you have to get me out of here-“
“nah ah, not a chance”
“george!-“ “shut up”
“what am i paying you for?!”
“to be your manager, apparently. not your babysitter, cupcake”
(name) sighed in defeat. not even the gorgeous dress draped in lace and silk could help her get out of her own head. it was her first-ever grammy awards ceremony, and the nerves had been eating away at her all evening.
she silently thanked every god she could think of that she wasn’t scheduled to perform. If she had been, she probably wouldn’t have shown up at all.
as she scanned the room for any way to escape, her eyes landed on a figure, one that just ruined her night by a thousand times. bill bray. god, no, please. that could only mean one thing, he’s here too. her (one-sided) rival and sworn enemy.
she swallowed hard, a lump forming in her throat, and immediately jabbed george’s shoulder with her elbow.
“ow! what the hell, girl—oh.”
the complaint died on his lips. instead, he let out a strangled noise as his eyes followed her gaze to the object of her attention.
she slowly closed her eyes and took a deep breath, silently hoping that by some miracle, she’d open them again and find both bill and him.
no such luck.
when her eyelashes finally fluttered open, she was met with a sharp grin and a wink directed her way from behind a pair of aviator sunglasses, a silent nod that told her “i see you”.
fantastic.
dang her life.
but she wasn’t completely stupid, maybe, she put on her best media-trained smile and waved with a taste of bitterness on her tongue. after the man has turned to find his seat, she turned to the man beside her in the speed of light “what category is he nominated for?”
“huh? well, i don’t know, probably best album or record or some-“
she snapped her fingers at him, signaling for him to stop talking. to his credit, he immediately fell silent.
how was she supposed to calm down now? right before her eyes, she could practically see every award slipping through her fingers. no, she couldn’t let that happen. not after everything. not after he’d humiliated her.
a determined spark flickered in her chest, slowly overpowering the panic. she hadn’t come this far just to watch someone else walk away with what she wanted.
flashback
the start of ‘83.
nothing seemed fun or interesting anymore. she wandered around her studio, searching for the perfect beat, the perfect melody, the perfect words for her album. every idea felt incomplete the moment it formed.
the memories wouldn’t leave her alone. headlines calling her music boring and bland, critics claiming her songs lacked substance, interviewers who seemed far more interested in her personal life than the work she spent countless hours creating. just thinking about it made her stomach churn.
she didn’t even have any tears left to cry. those had all been spent months ago when she’d broken down after winning best new artist at the american music awards. yet somehow, the hollow feeling remained.
nothing was ever enough.
not the awards, not the success, not the recognition. especially when she looked at artists like madonna or michael jackson and saw the admiration they attracted. the unwavering devotion of their fans. the way people spoke about them as if they were larger than life.
she wanted that too, no, needed it.
and no matter how much she achieved, it always felt just out of reach.
as she sat there with her elbows resting on her knees and her head cradled in her hands, her phone suddenly rang. she glanced at it but made no move to answer. whoever it was could wait. maybe if she ignored it long enough, they’d give up. they didn’t.
the phone rang again. with a sigh, she pushed herself to her feet and grabbed it.
“hello?”
“good evening. am i speaking with (name)?”
her eyebrows furrowed at the unfamiliar voice.
“uhh, yes. who’s this?”
“excellent. my name is Bill Bray. i’m one of Michael Jackson’s confidants.”
a lump instantly formed in her throat. for a moment, she was convinced she’d misheard him.
“um… is there anything i can do for you? or mr.jackson?” she asked.
the moment the words left her mouth, she quietly face-palmed. why did she say it like that?
“i’m glad you asked,” bill replied. “we’ve recently been discussing the filming process for michael’s upcoming single, and we were wondering whether you’d be interested in taking part.”
she nearly choked on air. think. think fast.
“oh! like a—uh—a collaboration?” she asked hopefully.
a chuckle came from the other end of the line.
“something along those lines. michael would like to work with you on the video. he’d love for you to be featured in it—the model, essentially. a few scenes, some posing here and there. He thinks you’d be a perfect fit.”
the smile on her face instantly fell.
a model?
a model.
for another singer’s music video?
not a duet. not a feature. not even a songwriting credit.
a model. for one of the biggest artists in the world.
she wasn’t sure whether to feel honored or offended. but, her being her, she chose to be offended.
she took a deep breath, trying to process what she’d just heard.
“is this some kind of sick joke?”
a brief silence followed.had michael read one too many tabloids calling her nothing more than a pretty face? was that it? he was a celebrity himself—surely he knew better than to believe everything written about people he didn’t know.
“excuse me?” bill asked, clearly caught off guard.
“you heard me. what the hell is your client thinking?”
“ma’am, we didn’t mean—”
“no, keep those excuses to yourself,” she snapped. “tell your client to spend less time reading tabloids and more time minding his own business. i’m not a damn model, for Christ’s sake.”
bill tried to interject, but she was too worked up to stop.
“what’s next? should I ask him to be a mannequin in one of my music videos? doesn’t sound like such a brilliant idea now, does it?”
“listen, we’re sorry if there was a misunderstanding—”
“good. then tell mr.jackson not to even think about featuring me again.”
before bill could respond, she hung up.
the studio fell silent.
was she harsh? absolutely.
had months of frustration, insecurity, and bottled-up resentment exploded all at once? without a doubt.
a few days passed, and she eventually found out that george had received the call as well. he spent most of that time trying to reason with her, encouraging her to call bill back and clear up the misunderstanding.
she refused. she had embarrassed herself enough during that one phone call and said far too much in the heat of the moment. backing down now would be humiliating.
instead, she threw herself into her work. as she continued working on her new album, something unexpected happened. the frustration, the disappointment, and the lingering bitterness from her failed “almost-collaboration” with a celebrity she had once admired all blended together into something useful.
inspiration.
for the first time in months, the words came easily. the melodies flowed effortlessly. every emotion she had bottled up found its way into the music. and it was good. no—not good. it was phenomenal.
she could feel it in every lyric she wrote and every note she recorded. the anger, the tears, the sleepless nights, the sweat she’d poured into each song—it was all there, woven into the album. for the first time in a long while, she felt proud of her work.
this was it. this was the album that would prove everyone wrong. thecritics. the tabloids. every person who dismissed her as a pretty face with nothing meaningful to say. and when award season came around, she wasn’t planning on merely showing up.
she was going to win a Grammy.
the end of ‘83
and with each passing day, her hopes climbed higher and higher. when the album was finally released in the middle of summer, it seemed to be everywhere. her songs poured from café speakers, echoed through supermarkets, played from taxi radios, and filled the lobbies of luxury hotels and high-end restaurants. and god, did it feel good.
for the first time in what felt like forever, people were talking about her music. during interviews, she found herself breathing easier as reporters eagerly asked about her creative process, her future plans, and the inspiration behind her songs. they wanted to know how she came up with such captivating melodies and unforgettable hooks. they wanted to discuss her artistry rather than her personal life.
it was a relief.
of course, whenever someone complimented her work, (name) being the self-loving woman she is would wave it off with an overly confident grin.
“oh, it’s nothing! Just a few little demos, really,” she’d laugh.
nobody close to her believed that for a second.
they knew how many sleepless nights she’d spent in the studio. they knew how much of herself she’d poured into every lyric and every note. most importantly, they knew how much the upcoming award season meant to her.
it wasn’t just about her career anymore. it was personal. winning would prove that all the criticism had been wrong. that she was more than a headline, more than a pretty face, more than the shallow image people had created of her.
so in her mind, there was only one acceptable outcome. she had to win.
no matter who she was up against.
flash forward to present
the relentless bouncing of her knee against the floor felt strong enough to wear a hole straight through it.
“why isn’t he answering? for fuck’s sake.”
beside her, george was glued to his phone, trying to get ahold of an old friend who worked somewhere within the grammy awards organisation. maybe he’d know something. maybe he’d be able to offer even the smallest piece of reassurance.
so far, nothing. growing increasingly restless, (name) reached into george’s pocket and pulled out the flask he’d been carrying around all evening.
“hey—” ignoring him completely, she unscrewed the cap and took a long sip.
it didn’t feel so bad now. george stared at her. she stared right back.
“i won’t back down,” she muttered, her eyes fixed on the stage. “if I have to, i’ll march up there and take that award out of their hands myself.”
george sighed. “that’s not how awards work.”
“then they should change the rules.”
unbeknownst to her, or perhaps something she simply refused to acknowledge, someone had been watching her all night. ever since they had arrived. unlike everyone else, the gaze wasn’t intrusive. it wasn’t filled with curiosity, nor was it hungry for photographs, interviews, or gossip. it didn’t carry the same calculating interest she had grown accustomed to from strangers.
no. it was softer, warmer, almost adoring.
a pair of eyes that somehow managed to stand out among an entire crowd of people.
every so often, those eyes would drift back toward the stage, but not with the anticipation of a spectator.
with the confidence of a winner.
before she could dwell on the strange feeling crawling up her spine, a booming voice echoed through the venue.
“and the winner for best male pop vocal performance is… thriller, michael jackson!”
the audience erupted instantly. cheers rang throughout the stadium. applause heard from every direction as people leaped to their feet, celebrating the announcement. cameras rushed to capture the moment while the spotlight found its target.
and amidst all the noise, all the excitement, and all the congratulatory applause— those same eyes found their way back to her.
(name) was beginning to think she had finally lost her mind. maybe she really should check herself into a mental institution after tonight. a strange laugh bubbled out of her throat.
“hahaha… lucky guy, am I right?” she nudged george’s shoulder, who, meanwhile, had practically melted into his seat. he refused to look at her, far too terrified of the expression currently plastered across his singer’s face.
her eyes were wide. her smile was stretched so tightly it bordered on disturbing. and her stare looked capable of burning holes through solid concrete.
“yep,” George said weakly. “very lucky guy.”
6th grammy..wow. was she allowed to even have any more hope? thankfully, she had made the executive decision not to look at the stage anymore. she wasn’t even glancing in the winners’ direction. one look and she’d probably spiral beyond recovery.
so instead, she stared straight ahead, fingers tapping against her leg as her heart threatened to beat its way out of her chest. fifteen minutes. maybe less. that’s all that separated her from her category. fifteen minutes until she found out whether the past year of her life had been worth it.
she swallowed hard and abruptly shot to her feet, moving so quickly she almost looked mechanical.
“i have to use the bathroom.”
“oh, lord…” he whispered weakly. “okay.” without waiting for another word, she turned and walked away. to anyone watching, she probably looked perfectly composed, years of media training carrying her through. but the moment she was out of sight, her pace quickened into something dangerously close to a run.
she slipped through the hallways surrounding the venue, desperate to put some distance between herself and the suffocating atmosphere inside.
only when she reached a quieter area near backstage did she stop. breathing heavily, she stared blankly at the wall in front of her and pressed a hand against her chest. something felt wrong. very wrong.
maybe it was paranoia. maybe it was anxiety. maybe it was the fact that she was nominated alongside a “rival” who had already won six awards. six. an awful number when it didn’t belong to you.
she squeezed her eyes shut. the sound of approaching footsteps echoed down the hallway. her head snapped up. no.
no, no, no.
a flash of reflected light caught her eye against the polished floor.
blue. gold.
her stomach dropped.
please don’t tell me—
careful but confident footsteps echoed through the hallway, drawing closer and closer until she finally looked up. and there he was. the man who had been haunting both her dreams and nightmares for the better part of a year.
a bright smile appeared on his face as he approached.
“hi,” he said softly. “what are you doing here?” she could only stare.
“could ask you the same question,” she replied after a moment.
he chuckled. “i saw you running out while I was on stage, y’know.” he gestured toward the grammy trophy in his hand. her eyes immediately landed on the gold statue. then on him.
“please leave.” his smile faltered.
“uh… sorry?” “please leave.”
“did I do something wrong? I know there was that misunderstanding—”
she let out a humorless laugh, lowering her head.
“yeah , yeah. call it whatever you want. just don’t call me again.” pushing herself off the wall, she started to walk away. “what?” he called after her, sounding more confused than offended. “what’s wrong with you?”
that was her breaking point. she spun around so quickly it startled even him.
“what’s wrong with me?” she repeated, pointing at herself. “i don’t know. since you’ve apparently read so many tabloids about me, maybe you can tell me. huh?” his expression changed about ten different times.
“i’m sorry, I really don’t—”
“listen,” she cut him off. “i need you to understand this. i worked so hard on this album, and i can’t let this opportunity slip away.” he blinked before removing his aviators, revealing cute widened eyes. a small chuckle escaped him.
“so that’s what this is all about? winning? seriously?” “what the heck do you mean seriously?” she could feel herself boiling over.
“i know what this is,” he said. “you’re upset. maybe even jealous, but seriously, how could you be? you’re a woman, I’m a man. we aren’t even competing in the same categories.”
“me? jealous?” she laughed in disbelief and pointed at him as she stepped closer.
“i forgot you even existed before i arrived tonight, so watch your tone, mr.jackson.”
his jaw dropped. “see you on the carpet.”
before he could answer, she turned around and walked away. she vaguely heard him calling after her, but she ignored it completely. oddly enough, by the time she returned to her seat, she felt much better. she regretted everything she’d just said.
and at the same time, she was incredibly satisfied with herself. she dropped back into her seat and immediately turned to george.
“we’re winning this. I promise.” he raised an amused eyebrow.
“what? did you bribe the judges on your way to the bathroom?” a laugh escaped her, but there was no real humor behind it.
“something like that.”
george eyed her suspiciously before shaking his head. she simply smiled to herself and turned her attention back to the stage, anticipation buzzing beneath her skin. any minute now. any second. she could feel her pulse quickening again as the next category approached.
what she pointedly ignored, however, was the persistent sensation of someone’s gaze resting on her. a certain someone’s. the feeling only grew stronger after he returned to his seat, but she refused to acknowledge it.
instead, she kept her eyes fixed firmly on the stage. the award was all that mattered right now.
as she made her way onto the stage and accepted the trophy into her hands, the weight of it felt unreal. she stared at it for a moment, blinking rapidly as tears gathered in her eyes while an almost hysterical laugh threatened to escape her. yeah, she definitely wasn’t okay right now.
looking out at the crowd, she saw hundreds of faces staring back at her, applauding and cheering, but only one caught her attention.
him.
sitting in the front row. clapping. smiling.
grinning, actually, as if the person standing on stage had personally hung every star in the sky. their eyes met. she swallowed. once. twice.
and yet she couldn’t look away.
god, she felt stupid.
after everything she’d said to him. after hanging up on bill. after practically biting his head off backstage. after accusing him of reading tabloids and acting like he was her personal enemy.
and there he was. looking happier about her victory than some of the people she’d known for years. his smile only widened when he noticed she was staring. she immediately looked away. great.
absolutely great. he probably thought she was a complete psychopath. with trembling hands, she adjusted her grip on the trophy and stepped closer to the microphone.
“wow.” a nervous laugh escaped her. the crowd still seemed to be amazed and cheer.
“uh… i really didn’t think i’d be standing here tonight.” the audience chuckled softly. “i had a whole speech prepared for losing, actually.”
more laughter followed. “which, in hindsight, was probably a little dramatic.” she smiled, shaking her head.
“thank you to everyone who listened to lovestruck. thank you to my fans, my team, my manager for putting up with me, and everyone who believed in me when i didn’t really believe in myself.”
her voice wavered slightly. “this album means everything to me. there were moments when i thought i wasn’t good enough, moments when i wanted to quit, moments where i thought no matter how hard i worked, people would never take me seriously.” the room had grown quieter now.
“but this…” she lifted the trophy slightly. “this makes all of it worth it.” applause erupted once more. she smiled through the tears threatening to spill over and glanced toward the front row one last time. and, of course, he was still looking at her. still smiling. for some reason, that made her chest tighten more than winning the grammy itself.
she didn’t even remember how she got off stage or when exactly george and the rest of her team attacked her with hugs and congratulations. everything felt blurry after hearing her name called.
however, she did remember one thing.
when the next category was announced and her so-called enemy’s name echoed through the venue as the winner, she felt something warm settle inside her chest. all the emotions she’d been carrying around seemed to bubble together into one confusing mess.
this time, she didn’t look away. she watched. she watched the cameras follow him to the stage. watched him accept the trophy, thank the presenter, and step up to the microphone.
and then she felt her heart drop. because his eyes found her. immediately. just like she’d stared at him from the stage a few moments ago, he stared right back. the electricity was undeniable.
he held her gaze for a second before looking down with a chuckle as the screams of his fangirls echoed throughout the stadium. then he began his speech.
he thanked everyone he was supposed to thank, earning applause and cheers from the audience. he sent a kiss toward the camera at one point, making the crowd lose their minds, before adjusting his grip on the trophy.
and then— “before i go,” he said, smiling to himself, “i’d like to mention someone who caught my eye tonight.” (name)’s stomach dropped.
his eyes wandered across the audience before landing right on her. again. pointing somewhere the crowd couldn’t quite figure out exactly where.
“a pretty young thing.” the crowd erupted instantly. she nearly choked on air. no. absolutely not. the was no way. meanwhile, george had already buried his face in his hands.
“oh no,” she whispered.
“OH YES,” he hissed back, laughing hard.
because somehow, against all odds, this night had just gotten more exciting.
“can i be the best man though?” “don’t wanna hear it.”
to be cringe is to be free. could this be considered angst..idk but ty for reading ♡ 🪽
popstar!reader goes on call her daddy
popstar!reader x bodyguard!rafe
you sit down on the large brown chair directly across from alex. one leg is crossed over the other as you slightly lean back in your seat, feeling comfort wash over you.
podcasts were weirdly less daunting for you compared to interviews. you chopped it up to the fact that often interviews and late-night shows were pretty short, you always felt like you were never able to really show your actual personality, and you always worried that things you said would get taken out of context.
you knew that sitting down with alex cooper - notorious for her somewhat scandalous and sex-focussed interviews - would probably result to your name circulating the media in some way, but it wasn't exactly anything you weren't used to.
your bodyguard (and secret affair?) rafe was stood off to the side, talking with your manager, margaret, and assistant, emma. his arms were crossed over his chest as he looked down at them, nodding intently at whatever they were saying.
he felt your gaze and he turned his head, throwing you a charming smile and quick wink, before turning his head back to the conversation. you felt your heart speed up and your stomach flutter, but push it down, turning away.
alex, sat directly across from you, wore her signature unwell hoodie and sweatpants, while you wore dark wash, straight legged jeans, and a white, flowy, lacy top.
after giving your introduction to the camera, alex turns to you. "welcome to call her daddy!"
you smile brightly, clapping you hands together. "thank you! im so excited to be here," you exclaim.
"im so excited to finally have you here, oh my god," alex states, and you nod in agreement. "yeah, this is for sure a long time coming," you respond, adjusting in your seat to get a bit more comfortable.
"so, you got back from your world tour a bit over a month ago i believe, how are you feeling?" she asks, her tone seeming genuinely interested.
"im feeling really good. i've honestly just spent the last month sleeping in to like, 11, and catching up with a bunch of friends i haven't seen for a while, so i cant really complain," you giggle.
alex hums. "thats seems really nice. tell me, are you the type to go crazy on tour? like, i feel like usually the response is pretty mixed. sometimes you get people who go out every night in the cities they stop in, and sometimes you get people who literally only leave the hotel room for the show."
"oh yeah, you hear all about that," you giggle lightly. "i honestly feel like i'm a mix. i travelled a lot when i was younger so i mean i'm not terrible with dealing with jet lag, but also just traveling within itself is kind of exhausting," you state, whilst alex nods in agreement.
"but, you know, my goal is to always try and go out in every city we go to, whether thats out to a bar or a club or just like, a nice dinner," you answer. "with drinks, of course," you add in as an after thought, throwing a quick wink.
alex laughs. "no, i get you. for me im like, if im in fucking amsterdam or paris or some shit, what do you mean im not going out? like of course i am!" she exclaims through laughter.
your eyes widen in agreement. "right! like who knows when you'll be there again? might as well push through."
"exactly," alex agrees, slapping her hand down on the arms of her chair. "now, everyone knows you enjoy a good cheeky song with a little...allusion or reference to sex, which we are all about on the call her daddy podcast," alex claims, earning a sheepish laugh to fall from your lips as you breifly cover your face with your hands. "oh yeah, of course," you reply through laughter, taking your hands away from your face.
you dont turn your head, but you feel the eyes of a certain someone on the side of your head, and you dont have to look to know exactly who it is.
you all the sudden felt hyper aware of his presence in the room, and willed yourself to push it out of mind and focus your attention solely on alex and the questions.
"so i thought it would be a good idea for us to play a little game, where maybe we can get into that a bit" she announces, picking back up her topic cards.
you hum in response, sitting up straighter. "ok, sounds harmless," you say, pushing your hair off your shoulder a bit.
"ok, perfect. now tell me, have you ever played truth or drink?" alex asks, causing you to groan through laughter, a hand coming to your forehead. "oh god, yes. i take it back, not harmless."
alex laughs. "dont worry, we wont get you too drunk. ill be nice," she promises. you let out a "phew" and you cross one leg over the other, watching as someone on alexs staff walks into frame, with a bottle of titos and 2 shot glasses.
alex looks to you. "you like vodka, yes?"
you nod intently. "oh yes, love vodka."
alex laughs. "great, maybe you'll be having some today," she jokes, whilst you suck in some breath for comedic effect. "sorry in advanced."
"ok lets get into it. we'll start easy. what was your favorite tour outfit?" alex asks, looking up from the cards at you.
your eyes find the cieling in thought. "um, probably the night one london outfit? i really liked that blue bodysuit," you answer.
alex gasps. "ok yes, good choice. so hot," she says, and you giggle a bit, letting out a thank you. "are those uncomfortable at all? they look like they take an army to put on."
"they might as well take an army," you giggle. "but, i mean, definitely not as comfortable as sweats, but you get used to it."
alex nod. "ok, makes sense," alex shifts in her seat, getting comfortable. "alright, next question: what is your favorite song to preform?"
you hum in thought. you think back to tour, and one specific memory comes to mind.
he tosses you a plastic water bottle. "good show," he compliments casually, causing you to beam.
"thanks. yeah it felt pretty good out there, energy was high, huh?" you reply, taking a long sip of the water.
he nodded, sitting on the coffee table in front of you. "mhm," he hummed, leaning his elbows on his thighs, "i specifically like that song you played in the middle of the set...blankin' on the name."
you hold back a blush, knowing he was talking about xo (aka, the song about him). you act nonchalant, crossing a leg over the other. "xo?" you ask.
his lips tilt up. "thats the one."
you hum, nodding a bit before looking away to avoid eye contact, getting a bit bashful. then you remember you conversation with emma before, and a sudden burst of confidence ran through you. you turn back to face him, playing with the hem of your short dress. "what about that one do you like?" you ask a bit boldly.
rafe blinked. "the dance is fun." he replies after a beat.
you hold back a blush at just the thought of that whole encounter with rafe after your miami show.
"probably xo. that ones always fun," you answer, feeling hyperaware of rafes intense gaze on you.
"ugh, i love that song. its just so fun and flirty, it literally feels like having a crush," alex gushes.
you laugh lightly. "im glad, that kind of how i wanted it to feel," you respond. "preforming that one is super fun, because the whole thing is like kind of a joke and poking fun at it, because i mean the lyrics are just, kind of comical and teenage-like, but i still get to look hot and all that, so its all works out."
"totally. now, for this next question, going off the book here, can i ask who inspired that song?" she asks with a big smile, eyebrows raised in anticipation.
you bite your lip, a bashful smile on your lips, turning your head to make brief eye contact with rafe before playing it off by looking at the camera.
rafes gaze is just as intense as you thought it would be, but yet his lips were quirked up in a small smirk.
you sigh, the smile remaining on your face. "guess im pouring myself a shot," you say, leaning over, doing exactly as you say.
"im not letting you take it alone," alex exclaimes as she pours one for herself, eliciting a laugh out of you.
you both throw back the shots, a brief look of disgust on your face as you swallow it down, before slamming it back on the table.
"alex coopers getting me drunk," you giggle into the mic, earning a laugh from alex.
"well at least were getting drunk together," she states.
she continues grilling you, causing a couple more shots to be tossed down, as well as some minor secrets to spill.
"ok, last one because i want to move on to other stuff. but, im sure your aware of different rumours that circulate about you," alex starts, causing your eyes to widen as you nod intently in agreement, "but i think we need to get to the bottom of this one particular one."
you smile nervously. "oh god, ok," you say, giggling a bit, feeling anxiety weighing down on your chest.
"so, theres some conspiracy on the internet that you and your bodyguard have some sort of relationship going on. can you confirm or deny?"
there it was. you probably should've known it was coming, and maybe you did deep down, given you had seen the edits, and the slideshows of the two of you together on tiktok.
you hide your head in your hands, laughing. "oh my god," you laugh, sitting up straighter and turning your head over to rafe, margaret, and emma, all of which had very different expressions.
margaret seemed a bit surprised, yet amused, given she had no clue about you and rafe, and if she did, trust that it would be a big problem. emma eyes were wide, she seemed a bit startled, a bit nervous for your answer. she was who you usually went to about rafe, her being one of the only friends you have in LA that you truly trust not to tell anyone else.
rafe eyes widdened a bit, and he wore a surprised expression. his expression was a bit serious, as if he was interested in how you would respond.
your turn back to alex and she throws you an amused look. "no escaping it!"
you smile back at her, laughing along. "that true," you respond, putting your media training to use. "no, no its not like that" you take a deep breath, laughing gently to cover up your desire to just tell the truth. "i've been seeing that for a while now, but um, yeah no nothing other than professional. obviously a great looking guy but we would both never go there. hes great at his job, and a great friend, but no. no relationship or secret affair or anything like that," you laugh as if your amused by the rumors, as if you find the idea of you and rafe itself funny.
alex nods. "ok, there you go," she turns to the camera, '"you heard it here guys, there is no secret affair with the bodyguard," she jokes, and you laugh along, though it feels fake.
you cant find it in yourself to look at rafe again that whole interview, feeling his intense glare on the side of your head the whole time. you knew obviously you couldn't just confirm you and rafe right there on the podcast, especially because you didnt know what you and rafe even were, and rafe knew that too. but still, you couldn't help but feel a bit guilty.
after the interview wrapped up, you gave alex a big hug, the two of you making plans to go out sometime soon. emma walked over to you, her eyes widening a bit, silently acknowledging what happened earlier with the rafe question, and you nodded.
god, you felt ridiculous. you all the sudden felt angry with yourself. what the hell am i doing? i should've been able to meant what i said, me and rafe shouldn't me doing this.
but you couldn't help it. rafe just had that pull on you. you really, really, liked him. like, an embarrassing amount.
you walk out of alexs house in the middle of margaret and emma, the former raving about how well that went, whilst the latter nodded along in agreement. you stayed quiet, your eyes focussed on rafe in front of you, silent as he lead you all to the car.
the ride home held that silence. at least, between you and rafe. the two women in the back continued to discuss the interview, asking for an opinion from you every now and then, to which you would turn over your shoulder and throw a small smile, coming up with some bullshit response.
for the most part your eyes remained out the window, feeling yourself instinctively looking at rafe from the corner of your eye.
you were confused. i mean, did he really expect you to admit the two of you were a thing? and thing is a loose term, given you had absolutely no idea what you even were. he would've lost his job, whatever the two of you had would be over. was he actually mad?
after dropping both emma and margaret off at their respective homes, it left just you and rafe it the car.
"rafe-" you start softly, attempting to break the silence.
"not," he interupts, pausing, "not right now."
the clench in rafe jaw told you he was pissed, so despite yourself, you bit your tongue, knowing it was best to let him cool off as much as possible. when you finally walked inside your house, you sigh softly as you watch rafe instantly walk into the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water, leaning his back against the counter.
you bite you lip as you follow him, standing in the entrance of the kitchen, observing him. "r'you gonna tell me what has you all annoyed?" you ask, your tone slightly frusturated.
his stare is hard but he clenches his jaw, visibly trying to keep his composure. "nothing, everything's fine"
you let out a huff of breath. "rafe, c'mon. you know i had no choice."
rafe shakes his head, letting out a scoff. "no, no, you had a choice, you always have a choice." he spoke quietly, yet dangerously
you scoff as well, crossing you arms, feeling yourself getting defensive. "really? tell me, tell me all of these infinite choices i had," you ask sarcastically. you felt a little bad for getting all sassy with him, but you felt the need to defend you actions.
he purses his lips. "you could've taken the shot," he says.
you huff out a bitter laugh. "its the same thing."
he shook his head. "no, its not. and you know that."
his words left you quiet. you knew he was right. knew you could've just taken the fucking shot, you didnt have to answer the questing, but you panicked. panicked at the thought of loosing this with rafe, whatever it was, however dysfunctional and flawed it was. at least it was something.
"yeah," you say quietly. "yeah, i know."
you also knew that this was deeper than him being a little frustrated by how you answered the question. he wasn't really mad about that, you knew that. he, just like you, were fed up with the hiding, the secrets.
it's silent for a moment between the two of, before you let a rare flicker of vulnerability come to surface.
even though you felt the most yourself around rafe, you still fought to keep you walls up. the chances of shit hitting the fan were high, you weren't stupid.
it was like two sides of you were fighting - one side fought with all its might to attatch itself to him, to let you succumb to him, whilst the other fought for distance, fought to build back the walls that kept tumbling down.
you wondered if he felt that same internal battle, every moment you were with him.
"i dont want to loose you," you murmur out in the moment of weakness, eyes flickering up from the floor to his, the two of you sharing a look of understanding.
he nodded. "i know, kid," he murmurred back, a softness in his eyes you dont think you would ever get used to seeing.
you take a few small strides towards him, eyes remaining on his until you stood directly in front of him. you look down, your hands slowly sliding into his. you felt him looking, felt his hand tightening a bit in yours, squeezing three times to get your attention.
you lift you eyes back to his, feeling a strange knot in your throat. sometimes, you really really hated how much you liked him.
rafe eyes searched yours, and a small smile founds it way to his lips. "we're good, just..." he sighs softly, his eyes closing for a moment as his forehead fall forward, meeting yours.
"just hate this," he whispers.
you knew what he meant. the secrets, the pretending, the holding back, the fighting, the tears, the lying - you hated it too.
but your need for him far outweighed that hate.
you nodded in agreement, yours eyes fluttering shut as well.
"yeah. but y'know what i dont hate?"
"hm?" rafe hums questionably.
a mischievous smile found your lips, your eyes opening again. "sushi.
rafe chest rumbles with quiet laugher, eyes opening as he shakes his head in amusement. "ill order," he states, squeezing your hands again before dropping them, walking towards the home phone.
you bit your lip, holding back the wider smile threatening to break out, and let out a content sigh.
things with rafe may not be have been perfect, and possibly never will be, but for now, you were ok with staying in the shadows with him.
almost 2 decades and a billion break ups later, you indulged in a bit of… songwriting.
late nights at studio’s became a common reoccurrence for you. usually, you’d be with joe.
this time, you were with someone short n sweet.
you and sabrina had been friends for a couple of months and you were so endlessly grateful for her. having moved around quite a lot, you didn’t really have a fixed group of friends.
you never really minded because you had joe. once you befriended sabrina you forgot just how amazing it was to have a girl friend.
sure, you giggle and fangirl with joe, but he’s absolutely nothing like sabrina. she makes jokes and comments that throw you off and give you no choice but to double over in laughter.
you two were talking about your teenage days, her with her disney career, and you with… well, joe.
“i’m honestly not surprised you two have been in a 20 year situationship.”
“that is not what that was!” you denied immediately. “we just appreciated each other a lot and we didn’t know how to show it correctly.”
“appreciated.” she snorted. “sure.”
“brina!”
“okay, okay!” she giggled. “i’ll leave it be. just— tell me how you two were. i mean, joe’s a total romantic, i wouldn’t be surprised if he was the same as a 15 year old.”
“he was so cute and awkward.” you smile at the memory. “you know when you’re so smitten for someone you just wanna make them fall in love with you?”
“and you’re completely sure you aren’t balls deep in love with him?”
“do you wanna hear about it or no?”
sabrina huffed and laid back down on the couch. “yes.”
you told her about how he asked you out, your first date, how he showed up when you didn’t expect him to, and how he was always a friend first, boyfriend second.
there was one memory of you two you had tucked away in the deepest pits of your heart. it was of the day you realized you truly didn’t see a future without joe. the day you fell so hopelessly in love.
“there was this one time…” you trailed off, your smile only growing wider as you recall the memory. “remember when juno came out?”
“no.”
“oh.” you blinked.
she was 8 when it came out.
“god, i forget how young you are.” you huff sarcastically. “well, we watched it a couple weeks after it came out because he just wouldn’t budge! i ended up convincing him towards the start of 2008 and the idea of two me’s running around was very… prevalent?”
“oh my god, what then?” sabrina crossed her legs and leaned in, as if you were at a summer camp telling ghost stories.
you told her about how he said one of you is cute enough and how that made you melt internally, you told her how for a week straight he would walk around with a jacket bunched up under his shirt walking around yelling “you made me juno!”
sabrina slammed back down against the couch, “you two are just so… you need a romcom based off of you guys.”
you rolled your eyes. “how about a song?”
her eyes lit up and all previous attempts at trying to convince you to spill your undying love for joe went straight out the window.
you got the song done in a couple of days, sabrina purchasing a juno cake to celebrate. one that you had to hide from joe.
when the short n sweet tour came around, your feelings for joe bubbled up once more.
sabrina had told you her plan a week in advance. joe would be arrested for juno, but not by her. you would dress up as a backup dancer and pop up and arrest him instead.
you felt like two girls in middle school thinking of ways to get their crushes to look at them during lunch break.
“oh my goodness, who’s that!” sabrina gasped up on stage, sirens blaring to fit the whole arresting vibe.
joe’s jaw dropped in fake surprise, pointing at himself and looking around as if to say ‘who, me?’
“woah! do you see?” she turned to look at the two backup dancers standing next to her. they nodded and fanned their face.
“what’s your name?” sabrina asked, walking towards the edge of the stage to get closer to him.
joe cupped his mouth and yelled, “joe!”
“joe?” she repeated, earning a nod from him.
“where are you from, joe?” she tilted her head.
“boston!” he yelled.
“well, isn’t that crazy! my best friend is from boston! do you know her?” she put a hand on her hip and tilted her head.
joe’s eyes flickered, uncertain. “i might?” he shrugged, still completely unaware. the crowd, however, had already caught on to what sabrina was putting down and they were screaming frantically.
“no, i think you do.” she hummed. “i think you know her really well.”
a small smirk made its way on to joe’s face as he realized who sabrina was talking about.
“joe from boston!” you gasped, running over to stand next to sabrina.
you had just emerged from backstage, but the journey across the stage felt like an eternity. for one, you were wearing a dress matching sabrina’s, just in baby pink instead of lavender.
it was just barely long enough to cover the curve of your ass, but there was a little short slit on the side. it was sparkly, to say the least. it was incredibly tight, only the neckline was loose as to drape down to your midsection to reveal a matching bra.
your hair was curled to match sabrina’s whole 60s theme.
it was the least you’ve worn ever, and the millions of eyes on you didn’t ease your nerves. however, when your eyes locked with those familiar, warm brown eyes—who were looking at you as if you personally hung the moon and stars—you felt the buzzing from the crowd fade away.
“what a coincidence!” you huff, looking back at sabrina who was giving you a sly smirk that was definitely not a part of the act.
“you know, joe, we have this thing down in austin—we call it cuffing season-” the words barely left your mouth before his held his wrists up to you.
there was a glint in his eyes you last saw back in your teenage years.
“always up to try new things, huh, joe?” you hadn’t even realized the double innuendo until it left your mouth. it was far too late to take it back, and you weren’t dumb enough to react publically, so you just giggled as if it were a part of the show.
his eyes melted once he heard the symphony coming from your lips.
he nodded and shouted, “anything for you, y/n from boston!”
the sound that came from the crowd was ungodly.
you laughed and knelt down to hand him the pink handcuffs one of the backup dancers handed to you.
he took them eagerly.
that was supposed to be it.
you were supposed to walk off stage and hide from joe for the rest of your life.
but you never followed a plan, did you?
“i would make you juno, joe, but one of you is cute enough.” you sighed, hoping he remembered that night just as clearly as you did.
his eyes quite literally lit up. “two, though?” he quoted you.
your face went red and you stood up, hands on your hips. “buh-bye, now, joe. hope to see you around boston soon. say hi to your momma for me, kay?”
he blew you a kiss and waved you goodbye as you strutted off the stage.
the second you were successfully off the spotlight you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. your hand rested above your heart. what the fuck.
some crew member handed you an ice cold water bottle that you gratefully took and chugged down.
the bottle crinkled in your hands as it succumbed to pressure.
a finger tapped your shoulder and you turned around with furrowed brows. you nearly spit your water out upon seeing joe stand right in front of you.
“you wrote a song about it? thought that was supposed to be my thing.” he asked, a teasing smirk on his face.
your eyes went wide as you choked, patting your chest harshly as if to get the water back in the right tube.
“easy, y/n from boston.” he patted your back.
“you are so insufferable, you know that?” you blinked, wiping away the water that had dribbled down your chin in your coughing fit.
“i was told i make people wanna make me fall in love, but insufferable works too.” he shrugged, digging his hands deep into his pockets, something you’ve grown to learn he only does when he’s nervous.
“y’know, i didn’t think you’d remember.” you said quietly, eyes darting everywhere. you just couldn’t bring yourself to look him in the eye.
“how could i not when i spent all this time loving you?”
you blinked and quite literally turned around to look for some cameras. were you being punked? was this a sick joke? oh no, were you dreaming?
he pinched your arm and you let out a hiss, instantly rubbing your skin.
“not dreaming.” he smiled.
“all this time?” you repeated.
“all this time.” he confirmed with a nod. he sealed his lips into a thin line.
“why didn’t you say anything!” you huffed, pushing his chest back slightly.
“i didn’t know if you felt the same!” he defended, eyebrows raised in shock at your reaction.
“why wouldn’t i?!”
“because you’re always like ‘oh joe we were so confused!’ ‘isn’t it so funny how we dated even though we aren’t even like romantically attracted to each other?’ ‘i can’t even believe we were on and off for so long!’-”
he was going on and on and you were realizing that this entire time you were just desperately trying to convince yourself there was nothing between you two.
he was still rambling when you decided to cut him off by pressing your lips to his.
he froze at first, and then he melted in to the kiss just like he had decades ago. your fingers curled into the front of his shirt, not knowing just how much you missed his lips.
he let out a sound that danced around desperation and pleasure, and you took that as an opportunity to slide your tongue in.
even though your eyes were completely closed, you could feel the furrow in between his eyebrows he sported whenever he was making out with someone.
he pulled away to catch his breath. “i can’t believe,” he panted. “i waited this long.”
“i technically did everything-” you countered, but you couldn’t even get your point across because his lips were already on yours again.
the show was coming to an end, meaning more personnel were walking around your once secluded area backstage.
you tugged him towards your dressing room. “joe from boston, you’re gonna show me what a good time is.”
“yes, ma’am.” he blurted, trudging behind you, face so unbelievably red.