#psuedomemories

[sysboxes]

[Text: An alter in this system has pseudomemories from and older time and may struggle with modern concepts.]

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[tales-from-syscord]

We once had to leave a syscord server because they didn't stop calling our alters exomemories as psudeomemories (they very clearly asked them not to use that term due to discomfort,)

Not a big deal, but chat, please respect their small requests, idc if YOU use that term, but our system don't like it bc those memories are real to *US*

Aw man, it's not even a big thing.. why are they so resistant to changing their terminology

[system-of-a-feather]

Hi, I saw a post Ray made about inner worlds and part of it was about inner world trauma/abuse. As a part in a system who's grappling with that kind of thing right now, do you have any advice or suggestions or insights you could share about addressing and processing them specifically? Is there really even much of a difference in approach, considering at their core they mirror/reflect/obscure/etcetera and connect to external events? (I just talked with our therapist about the internal stuff for the first time today, and we're doing a EMDR-adjacent thing called ART next session to hopefully help me jumpstart processing, so this is more a 'what worked for you all; what might be worth trying -- safely! -- on my own/under watch of the therapist?' question. I hope that makes sense?) Thanks in advance. I hope you feel okay answering this question, and please don't feel obligated to answer at all. (I did read your boundaries page-- if this oversteps I'm sorry, and I apologize.)

Oh man was that an old post of ours if I'm correctly thinking of the situation that had me talking about that back then. Honestly, I don't really think there is anything of a huge difference in how processing for that works beyond the sort of "meta" challenges which are the "well this isn't real so (a lot of self invalidation / reasons to deny self the space to really feel and processes the emotions around it)" that don't really exist when it is a trauma that physically happened.

In that sense, I think the only real key thing to keep in mind for that is to honestly honor it and treat it with the sensitivity that you would a trauma that happened outside of the inner world ESPECIALLY in the privacy of your own thoughts, life and therapy sessions.

One can argue being a little more cautious when in public spaces as a respect thing especially if the trauma is """more extreme""" than what you experienced; I personally have mixed feelings about that notion, but that's a matter of opinion and at the end of the day, when it comes to public spaces we go on the principle of "say what will allow you to sleep at night and what you are secure standing by".

At the end of the day, denying yourself your genuine emotions and feelings of hurt and pain towards something is really a way to let it control you and to keep it around longer. Finding a safe space internally and - if possible - externally to give those feelings, even if 'silly' 'cringe' or 'not real', will go a mile in helping move forward and heal from it.

Honestly, other parts have processed some of "the actual trauma that happened" because I know what trauma got interpreted into my inner world trauma, but I honestly never actually went back to The Actual Trauma as much as I just processed what 'my trauma' was.

I don't think, even if I wanted to and tried my hardest, I could turn what I experienced internally, to relate to my sister because as far as I am aware (or more accurately, feel) my sister has literally no relevance to me or my life. Yes I know the trauma and dynamic that I had with an old part of ours was that way BECAUSE of what our sister was doing with us and that the dynamic heavily mirrored the Actual Dynamic we had with her, but as Ray I never really paid attention to her or really gave a shit about her so I really genuinely can't find myself emotionally invested in all that.

Even so, I did process the hurt I had with the part that followed a similar pattern and it did a lot of healing for me and - as a result - everyone in the system / the whole as well, so like..

Honestly, TLDR, the main thing is to just approach it without judgement and give it the respect it deserves as a genuine trauma, cause it is genuine real trauma even if its proceeded and experienced in a weird way.

[dirty-graves]

Tbh people need 2 start recognizing tht trauma effects ppl in unpalatable and ugly ways. Victims aren't always going 2 be uwu fragile softkids with only ~holy~ and ~unproblematic~ symptoms.

Im a victim @ the hands of my father. I was four when it first happened and he continued 2 treat me like eyecandy up until I cut him out of my life.

I formed 2 not only hold that trauma but cope w/ it. I was given psuedomems of having a ""healthy"" (in quotes bc inc*st is never healthy lmao) relationship w/ my in source brother bc my brain craved a way 2 feel control over how we were abused. And oh my god, shock and horror, it's something I think fondly of!

But you know what?

Not only did we NOT turn into some consang freak who thinks that inc*st is "ok with consent" -- The moment I (and a handful of other alters w/ similar situations) formed, we started healing. We stopped comparing ourselves to our father. We stopped having nauseating intrusive thoughts abt other family members. We stopped wanting 2 end our life over how dirty we felt. Our trauma couldn't hurt us anymore because our brain had found a way to turn it into something we could grasp and shrink into a miniscule bug.

But people aren't going 2 think of that when they hear this. I can assure u the majority of internet losers entrenched in fakeass "mental health positivity" movements would hear about my experience and assume I'm some paraphilic predator lmao.

Bc it doesnt matter if a victim is healing! All that matters is if they're silent abt their suffering and only coping in ~pure~ and ~acceptable~ ways.

It's a victims job to provide accurate warnings before talking about not only their trauma, but the ways it has shaped them as a person. It is NOT their job to make it palatable for you. It is not their job to conform to what you think is healthy.

It is not YOUR job to play therapist and pretend like u know what is best 4 them. If you had even an inch of the PhD required 2 become a therapist u would understand tht brains r complex and weird. That not everyone is going to heal in the same way, and tht not everyone is going to heal in conventional ways.

♡ And I know the ppl I'm talking abt will come out of the woodworks 2 be nasty, if this actually gains traction. I love attention, so u'll just be fueling me. Thank u and Thx 4 proving my point. ♡

[a-tords-memories]

The End... The End...

I always find myself wanting to speak about this the most. I feel that most fans of the show, and most other Eddsworld fictives or kin, feel the most strongly about these episodes.

It hurts, all the time. The regret. The mistakes. How stupidly, immature I was. For someone so cold and calculating, it was the one thing I didn't calculate properly. My mind was running wild, with so many emotions. The most imposing emotion: fear.

You see, I never left. I was by my friends sides, all up til that day. I left for long trips back home to Norway, to work on the army business. My friends, unknowing of my secretive hobbies.

The day is so vivid. It's one of the few things, that I remember so well.

It was supposed to be simple:

Send Edd, Matt, and Tom to the store. Get my robot. They come home like nothing happened, and for me? There's a note saying an unexpected emergency arose, and I needed to fly back home.

Simple. It should've been simple.

But, as always, things are NOT simple.

I insisted on staying home. And then Tom insisted on staying home. And guess who got their way?

No one was supposed to get hurt. I know how stereotypical that sounds, coming from Tord. But it's the truth. I didn't want to hurt my friends.

As I was begged by the one person who made me so weak, to come to the store, I crumbled and gave in. I shouldn't have crumbled. I should've been firm. I shouldn't have gone to the store with them.

As of course, from there, we all know what happened. But what about my motives? Unlike the show, I cared about them. So what gives? Why'd I say those hurtful things to Edd?

The way he looked at me, seeing me up in that robot. The way, I could see it in his eyes: his entire reality was shattering around him. I knew what he was already thinking.

Why try to tell the truth? Would he have really believed me? Would he understand my plans, to make the world a better place? (It was never about world domination). Would he, see me?

No. He wouldn't have. Maybe in the future, but not at that moment. And I lied. I proved his thoughts right. I didn't want him to think I could come back after this. I didn't want him to try to look for me. I thought, if I hurt him now, it'd spare him the pain. If he thought I never cared, it'd hurt less. No leading on... Just, quick.

I wanted to runaway, the moment he saw me. The me, that I never wanted him to see.

[sulnusoup13]

Going back to your source as a self-insert OC fictive is isolating sometimes. I see these scenes and think "but I was there". I get one version of the story, and I know mine isn't a part of it. I miss my sourcemates. I miss the memories. The things I did. And I don't get any source things or fandom things. I just wish I was real in the way they are.

[cauldronsystem]

Something that's often left out in discussions of substitute beliefs that we've noticed is alters with "jobs". In our system we have a few alters who have jobs the body has never held. We tried to look into it and only found that our military alter could be related to ritual abuse. This made us confused, go into spirals of denial, and made us very afraid of the memories he might hold. How rare this seems to be definately didn't help. However, we realized with a lot of introspection and frantic googling the real reason we have an alter who was "in the military". His function is similar to our perceptions of the military as a child- he's very orderly, an early riser, and a commanding figure who helps us figure out where to go when things are hopeless or incredibly chaotic. In the same way people form alters who are dragons or angels, we have formed alters with these "jobs". You may have an alter who is a doctor, a lawyer, a police officer, in the military, a firefighter, or in any other profession. It doesn't always mean you were ritually abused and it definitely doesn't mean you're faking it.

TLDR: In the same sense that alters can be nonhuman or different ages and genders, alters can have jobs that reflect their role. Also, having an alter who is military, police, or a politician doesn't mean you had to have been ritually abused, as it could be a substitute belief based on your perception of that job.

Feel free to dm us if you have a similar experiences and are confused. We're not a professional, but we can listen and provide affirmation.

[quaz-art]

What if I just had a lot of consequent mental breakdowns because I was processing traumatic psuedomemories and people. Kept telling me that it was fine because they didn't actually happen jkjk...

UNLESS