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I've been struggling with my gender identity for about two years at this point. I'm pretty sure I'm not cis but it also feels wrong to put anything else. Just a bit weird I guess. I don't know why I'm posting this just wanted to get it out
I made this in a picrew today and it looks cool so have that I guess
Wʜᴀᴛ ɪꜱ ʏᴏᴜʀ ꜱᴇxᴜᴀʟɪᴛʏ?
What is your sexuality?
Gay
Lesbian
Bisexual
Asexual/Aromantic
Straight
Pansexual
Queer
Polysexual
Omnisexual
Other(pls let me now in the comments)
Hi I am going to dump a lot right now! So I know for sure I am asexual and I have been comfortable with that label for a couple years now but recently I’ve been wondering about my romantic attraction. I think I have been interested in people in the past but it has always been very surface level and I have never been heart broken or even upset by a relationship failing before. This hadn’t really been a problem to me until recently when a friend confessed to me and I told her I liked her back. This was very new because:
1. I am a girl as well and I’ve only dated men before but recently I’ve been wondering if I’m interested in women as well since I feel they are attractive, I’m still confused about this 🤷♀️
2. This person was my closest friend and I usually involved myself with acquaintances that would result in mutual ghosting so now there was more at stake.
I ended up backing out because while I had felt that I liked her, I wanted to hold hands and cuddle and things like that, I felt like maybe I just didn’t understand a difference between romantic and platonic attraction. I got scared because I knew ultimately she would like me more than I like her and I felt cruel for that, I wished I could like her more or like anyone more for that matter. All of this is to say I’m questioning if I’m aromantic now? I’ve never had a problem being single and have no interest in dating. I consider myself to be a very loving and loyal friend but when it comes to dating I feel like I’m more apathetic in my approach and I don’t see what I can get out of dating that I could in a platonic relationship ship. But I have been interested in some people in the past even if I get over it in like a week. Anyway I’m not trying to be negative but sometimes I just feel bad because I have hurt other people by breaking off relationships but I’ve never known that pain and I worry that I never will. I guess it’s not a bad thing and obviously I don’t want to feel pain but I wonder sometimes if I understand romance at all and I don’t want to hurt people due to that misconception. If anyone has any advice or relates I appreciate it!
Anywaysss Happy Pride!! :)
Hello! I just wanted to thank Jo for the sweet reply! :) I (already) tried the advice you gave other than going to wlw-events (sadly enough we don't seem to have those in my city) but I still can't figure it out:/ I'm also stellunarian and so my enby experience makes me feel a slight disconnect from the stories of others, and because of my mental illness I struggle as well. I know I just need time but patience is hard so sometimes it's frustrating haha (1/2 ice)
I guess I should just wait and hope for the best but that’s something I’m not good at… I also have difficulty distinguishing comphet from actual attraction and since I’m also questioning aro/ace I feel lost… I’m sorry if this is too rambly haha I just can’t find myself relating to my queer friends as much which makes it tough for me to open up to them:/ thank you for listening though! (2/2 ice) ———Hi, no need to thank me, really! I feel you, I really do, I’m stellunarian and have mental illnesses as well. Those only make things more difficult to figure out. Giving it time and trying to be patient is very important here, but I know it’s far from easy. A trick might be to actually go and use different labels you think might fit you. Chances are there that you’re gonna feel a bit uncomfortable or start questioning and doubting anyway, but try to sit down, write those doubts down, and analyse them. Also, with all the experiences I have made so far, be it from myself or with/from other people, if you even are questioning whether you’re hetero or not, or ace or not, chances are very high you aren’t. All the hetero people I asked, told me they didn’t question it. They’re sure of it. Same goes with allo folks. (I hope you understand what I’m trying to say. xD)Distinguishing comphet from actual attraction is difficult, and I’m afraid there’s no advice I can share on that, I’m still struggling with that myself. :’DAnother thought I just had, maybe check out some Queer discord chats? There you could get advice from many different people, find others in similar situation like yours. @fuckyeahasexual has a really nice discord server, ace focused, but it has general group chats. I’m afraid I don’t know of any other queer discord servers, so that’s all I can help with on that. You are always welcome to ramble, just letting off steam can help a lot sometimes! Wish you all the best, you got this. ❤-Mod Jo
The groom’s little sister
Okay, so, it’s been a while (again) since I wrote a lot here on the regular and now there’s a lot I want to get out and I’m not even sure where to start. So let’s start with the wedding.
My brother got married this weekend to a gorgeous, wonderful girl. It was a lovely wedding and reception about 2 hours drive from where we live.
So, I hopped into my dad’s car and went down the day before to help prepare and decorate and we stayed in a hotel for the weekend.
On the day of I put on a beautiful maxi dress (white, with red dots) and did my make-up and my hair. I put on matching jewelry and high heel shoes and an actual bra (as opposed to a sports bra) and carried my essentials in a black little purse.
I looked at myself in the mirror and thought to myself, I look good. And I found myself doubting, feeling confused. Because I was somewhat pleased that I looked good, that I could be pretty. I shouldn’t feel that way if I’m really trans I thought. I don’t understand myself. And then we were off.
I’d forgotten how this shit creeps up on you and it’s difficult to describe but as I wobbled around (in what was frankly extremely sensible heels) for the next twelve hours and desperatedly tried and failed to adjust my dress so my bra wouldn’t show all the time (why yes, thank you mother, I’M AWARE OF MY DRESS FAILURE) I felt increasingly miserable and ailenated.
I hate how make-up makes my eyes itch no matter what type or brand. I hate that dresses are so impractical. I hate heels and how painful they are to wear. I hate having to carry a purse with all my shit. I hate that I have to worry about popping out of said dress. I hate that I get cold in dresses.
I spent a lot of time enviously staring at the best man’s back, wishing I was wearing a killer suit like that instead, wishing I could fill a suit like that.
But in some ways that’s the easy stuff. I don’t know what to make of the fact that increasingly as the night wore on I felt alienated from everyone there. I looked at all the speeches and performances and videos from the bachelor/bachelorette parties and wondered if my own wedding would ever be able to summon such an obvious tidal wave of friendship and love from other people.
I felt like I didn’t belong there. And I’ve always felt like I didn’t belong in one fashion or another. I’ve always been the outsider, the awkward one who was bullied and couldn’t make friends easily. I always found my friends in unusual contexts, and with other people who didn’t feel like they fit in.
People kept referring to me as the groom’s little sister.
I feel like I understand more and more queer people’s desperate need for their own community, it’s just so corrosive sitting at these things and feeling like you don’t belong and that you never will. I feel reluctant even to say this because I feel like I’ve no right to be in the queer community and to ask for space there. I’ve been avoiding it so far because I don’t feel ready to come out (and because I have a lot of friends in the local queer community It has the added bonus of not being ready to come out to friends and acquaintances yet either).
And the thing that scares me isn’t that people wouldn’t be accepting, I know they would. I think it’s that I’m not sure (enough) of myself, and I hate revealing things about myself. I’ve spent my entire life cultivating walls around myself and keeping different parts of my life meticulously separate. I don’t know how to deal with bridging them all. I’m not even sure why I hate the idea of doing it so much, I just do.
How does it feel to be the reason someone wakes up in the morning? How does it feel to be the first thing thought of in the morning and the last thought before bed? How does it feel to know that on the days when you don’t love yourself, someone else is there to love you?
How does it feel to be someone’s rock, to be someone’s crying shoulder? How does it feel to be the binding of someone’s life story? How does it feel to be the reason for someone’s sanity? How does it feel to be an inspiration?
Do you think of me?
When we're apart,
And the storm rages on,
Do you think of me,
Or do you beat my heart?
Is my heart with you,
Or is it gone?
Do you still want to be
My only one,
The one for me?
