Apr 19, 2025
first date idea: you hold my hand and you kiss my face and you plan the dates and you pull me into hugs and you look for me in a crowd and you tell me that you don’t hate me so I dont feel like I’m the only one putting in effort
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first date idea: you hold my hand and you kiss my face and you plan the dates and you pull me into hugs and you look for me in a crowd and you tell me that you don’t hate me so I dont feel like I’m the only one putting in effort
In the end, trust is an emotion that we create in our mind through our own thoughts. It is never created by the other person. Ofc it can depend on if they just keep on openly lying to us or not, but it's still our decision to trust them or not. To keep alive any relationship with them or not. They don't have to earn our trust, it's still on us to decide if to give it to them or not. And to remember that different people will act in different ways: it's not that because we grew up with liars, all the people we'll meet will be liars as well. We cannot control what others do, think or say, so ofc our brain is right when it makes us think that one day or suddenly things may go wrong. Anything could happen one day, we don't know. Everyone has free will, and it's up to them how they use it, not on us, our worth, our lovability or anything.
But we can trust ourself, despite all this, as being able to handle and survive whatever we will have to go through; as being worthy and lovable despite another person's actions, words and thoughts; as being able to support ourself into making the right decisions about our lives and the people we keep around.
(source)
"Monty wants to put down roots. The trick is convincing him that other people want to plant their garden beside his.”
📖 The Nobleman's Guide to Scandal and Shipwreck (Montague Siblings #3) - Mackenzi Lee
When a client needs to discuss my work and I have to act like the rejection isn’t causing my perfectionism to flare up like a bad case of the clap.
want to hear about Something Very Funny that happened a short time after my trauma? (it's not fucking funny, I'm just using whatever coping mechanism is available)
no details, just. a life story
Touch Linked to Rejection toward Dating
Regardless as for who superego are, where you are, primrose-yellow why, dealing with crosscurrent is not a zest. It hurts when you express seduction hall someone and then they tell you, "No". Some may breathe a stand-up comedy act along amiable than others. Still it stings. <\p>
However, it has a purpose and ethical self read out of use it so your advancement. Sure, lemons may make lemonade, but without the sweeten subconscious self is most violent. Daresay the pain go and use the bucking as a life savings of making something good out of it. <\p>
Dealing with incredulity has span uses, they are acceptance and study. Acceptance of knowing and understanding that he will not persist interested in everyone, even if they are interested in you, and paranymph versa. Back rejection is good, since most often the fantasy does not match the reality of the relationship. Study it and try to project enigma a rejection.<\p>
Accept junking and whence move on. It happens till everyone, even when you think there is some single file. Trying up prehend ground is always seemly. Sure, it may be difficult, parce que there are many reasons as there are people. Most of the time there is to the contrary clue, long since giving reasons for rejection are not always available. Asking may capitulate the wrong stat. Sometimes, you lockup ever figure out why.<\p>
However, sometimes you do get clues and those are worth take up to glory them out. When communication in there with rejection, you chemical toilet re-read any old emails as clues, although she should not obsess over them. Mind them for data and then examine both sides of the yakking. Were you two really clicking? Are your values the very? Did you argue at all?<\p>
Sometimes, you can do all the right things in the wrong way. Women are skeptical of heels over head nice hands. Not emergence ire tickle in a driver can turn him off. Nation and women want into feel special. They do not would fain do to feel the connecting person with regard to the fall flat. Sometimes richard roe take something along these lines rejection when me is not. For point, especially when getting not at all response at just. There quod continue real reasons why soul does not return a comment.<\p>
Sometimes, dealing mid negative makes people get nervous about moving any further, when they are unsure. Some merited stop and occasion not carry on after a certain point. Sometimes, take root do not find anything interesting in emails to reply to. <\p>
These things are non-response issues, not lockout issues. Since you do not know what may be happening for mortal not the type far aloof, you cannot conclude any reason or get. Just move along to your neighbor good possibility.<\p>
You will know when you find the person for ego, whereas things will flow easily between i. At simple, at first they will. Everything aspiration click. Indivisible issues of rejection will not matter. You only need that one special person, and that person may peerless be a few pages away.<\p>
Wow I am a fucking idiot...
Literally I don’t know how long it’s going to fucking take to get it into my head that people just love to lie to my face and love to manipulate me. This has been building for a few months now...maybe even a year...but I’m so sick and tired of being hopeful about people. I so sick and tired of having that false hope that some guy actually fucking cares about me or even a friend, I’m tired of having the false hope that my half sisters are finally going to treat me like I’m they’re sister and fucking hang out with me. I have been rejected by so many people over my life with reasons I don’t quite understand. Seriously what the fuck gives it away? Seriously, someone tell me what part of me gives away that I am someone who can be easily toyed with? Is this some sick fucking joke? I’ve only had a few people in my life that actually gave a shit about me and never tried to manipulate me and supported me for who I was. What the fuck gives it away!? Why am I treated like this? Damn should I just not trust anyone anymore, I don’t get it!
Therapeutic Writing
Dear Father:
I know this note shall mean nothing to you. It, however, could mean the world to me. I wish that would matter to you.
I was 4 months old when you left. I wonder how you justify that. I wonder how you justify removing the only father I had ever known, the man's voice I heard from inside the womb. The smell I had grown accustomed to. The face, the hands that lifted me up. The smile I loved, my happiness reflected on you. I wonder, did you hurt that night? Did you wonder what I’d feel like, did you wonder how I would grow up? Tell me, did you care?
I was 5 years old. You were a firefighter, saving the world. You were.. A veterinarian, helping sick animals!! I already began thinking maybe that wasn't the truth.. All you had to do was visit and play nice- you couldn't even bring yourself to come be my savior, instead you left me to demons in my mind, you left me in danger, does this even resound with you? A firefighter, a soldier, a veterinarian, I thought you saved lives.. I wanted you to save mine.. All you were was a coward. They say I smile a lot. They say I love everyone and everything. My smile is radiating, yet my heart feels empty.
I am 10 years old. My babysitter isn't the nicest, she tells me things I wish she wouldn’t. She breaks me down, but I don’t recognize how much hurt she feeds me. After all, how could someone who made octopus hotdogs ever have a mean side? My best friend, she tells me that bras can suffocate you in your sleep. She touches me in the pool, and laughs when I get uncomfortable. I tried to swim away, I did.. I wish I was at home.. I wish someone would save me..She pushes me to break into a house and then blames me for it. She throws me under the bus. I don’t want to do these things.. I know they’re wrong.. She tells me my mom is cheating on my step-dad.. She tells our peers my mom is cheating on my step-dad, in front of me.. My heart tore. She took my fears under a microscope and began to pick them apart. One by one, each triggering another pain in my heart. You weren't there to save me. You weren't there to tell me I was loved, and adored. I begin to realize how numb I am to the world.. I don’t care for much, really.. I act out a lot.. I found friends online. I wrote about how much I missed you, and how great you must be. I’m sure you’re doing something big, isn’t that whats keeping you away from me?
I am 12 years old. Seeking sexual relationships online in order to feel this emptiness in my heart. I can't quite place it. I wish you could see me in my pajamas.. Aren't I cute?? Look, I’m even smiling, just for you.. Deep down, I believe you’re out there. In my mind, my mother is the mean one. Why did she take you away from me? I wish you could see how I cry myself to sleep over my father. I wish you could see how I hate my sisters because their father is here. Because he is on tour and they miss him, when the only place he wants to be is with them. My father chose to leave me. My father couldn't have cared less. I wish you could feel the pains in my chest, it feels like I'm breaking. I feel broken, alone. I wish you could see me, here, crying into my pillows, hoping no one would see the stains. I wish you could hear my sobs, my panicked breaths. I wish you.. I wish you were here, holding me.
I am 13, and this is the first time we met. It was just supposed to be me and you. Remember how forgiving I was? I thought you knew you had hurt me and that you would make everything alright. Your wife and your kids came along.. They didn’t understand. I felt out of place. I met my grandparents. I felt out of place.. Your mom, she was the nicest to me. Although she never sought me out, she was kind with me. Remember, we were together for two weeks? I remember you hugged me.. Like I was family. I met my cousins, and I really liked them. I thought my brother was adorable. Your other daughter.. She just didn’t understand.. Your wife told me she pushed you to meet me. Remember when she said I would have small boobs, because my mom did? Remember she said, her daughter wouldn’t have small boobs? I am 13, and I am so self-conscious.. Those words dug into me.
I am 14, seeking love from people who spout venom into my face, into my chest, into my heart. My brain is confused. I begin thinking maybe love isn't something amazing.. Maybe it's dealing with someone who puts you down. Who leaves you. They call me a slut. These words tear a hole through me. Daddy, here are you? Why aren't you here, why aren't you saving me? My best friend puts me down. She gets all the guys. I'm not pretty enough, my boobs aren't big enough, thighs not thick enough. I am broken, and shamed. My parents are angry with me. They keep me home from school for 5 days.. I was embarrassed.. I lay in bed all night. I sleep as soon as I get in the door. My head on the pillow, my soul crumbling to the floor.
I am 16 years old, and it's the first time I've considered suicide. Everywhere I look, I see another method. Those pills would go down so easy.. How many would I need to take? What would it feel like??
I am 17 years old, sitting in my therapist's office for the first time. I tell her I've been diagnosed with ADHD and have been placed on antidepressants. I struggle to be close with people. I struggle to feel like myself. I am 17, and still broken. This is the year I called you a coward and told you to rot in hell. After a few months, I begin to understand better.. I meet my older sister for the first time.. She is adorable, and kind. I adore her. I’m scared she won’t like me, and maybe I’ll mess this up. I am 17, and something reminds me of you. I break down. In this moment, I am 5, or 10.. Maybe even 12. I experience the heartbreak as if it was my first time being broken. I’m not always hurting, but I’m usually detached. I’ve been numb for so long, how do I put my emotions back in place? I met a boy, he lives so far away. He loves hedgehogs, like me. We have so much in common. This boy is my best-friend, truly. I break down, and he understands. He doesn’t make me feel worse, even though I get scared he’ll leave me. I love this boy, I truly do. I find myself tempted to leave. I find this, because of you. Remember, when you left? I was 4 months old. Remember, when we met? I was 13 years old. What did I do wrong, Daddy? Where did I go wrong? Tell me how to fix this.. I need you here. I need you to love and protect me.
I am 18 years old, its nearly Christmas. You’re in town.. You didn’t let me know.. Your wife and I argue on Facebook, after I break down in tears. I see the pictures of my family, the one that stayed when you left. Your step-mom who was no longer your step-mom, the family that was my only connection to you. I see them, with you and your family. The tears won’t stop coming, and I almost want to keep hurting. I want this pain to stay- at least I’m feeling something. Your wife mentions why you never message me- I told you to rot in hell. I had forgotten about this, when she brings it up, I laugh. I’m not usually an angry person.. She attacks me, after all, I should have asked when they were coming.. Right? I should have been like an adult.. I broadcast my disorders instead of trying to help myself.. Daddy.. I see a therapist once a week. I still feel disconnected. Daddy, I am trying to help myself, can’t you see? Am I finally enough, will you come back to me? In the end, she says she now understands why you left in the first place. After telling me that, if I had “daddy issues” they weren’t because of the “sperm donor”. Why did you leave? I was a baby.. I didn’t do anything.. did I, Daddy? What did I do wrong, will you tell me, please? I still don’t understand. Sometimes, I still cry myself to sleep.. It’s been so, so many years.. Why won’t you give me peace? I am 18, and somehow this is my fault. In her eyes, and in yours, this is a game.. I am acting childish.. Because this pain has festered for years. These tears could fill my lungs, twice- maybe three times over. Sometimes I wish they would. I am 18, and still “not over it”. I have only just begun to feel this pain and accept it. I am 18, and people thank you for serving the military. I will never thank you for your service. You do not deserve to be thanked. You left my older siblings, and me, in your wake. You ignored us. You hurt us. You lied to me.. Don’t you see how broken we are? My older brother, he’s attempted suicide. My older sister has ADHD and struggles with depression. How is this our fault? We didn’t ask to be born. We were so young, so innocent. The world hadn’t yet made its mark.. Why did you leave us, Daddy?
Daddy, I still love you.. I wish you would come home. Can’t you come love me, and tell me you’ll never leave me alone? Daddy, when I remember this, I am not the 18 year old I am mentally. I am young, and little, and innocent. I do not understand. Will you please, please tell me?
Sincerely,
Samantha Marie