#religious shitposting

[foone]

The American dream isn't the house and spouse and 2.5 kids and a dog. That's just a generic dream of middle class adequately. You can have that anywhere.

No, the specific American dream is to drive a lifted pickup through the pearly gates, flatten an angel or two, then park on the stairs to God's palace, walk up to God and shoot them in the head with a Colt 1911.

"In God We Trust"? Not anymore. They're dead. We trust in lead and gasoline.

[skrubadub]

following the news of the anglican schism like i am overhearing a couple fighting in the middle of the neighborhood starbucks and i’m casually sitting there listening for the goss

[flags-planes-and-fire]

Meme credit: jai_hari_har on Instagram.

FUCKING LOSING IT

[youllneverseemerelax]

I love the way this is worded

Moses: [rolls up to heaven to acquire God’s word] Hadraniel: I Am Going To Cause Problems On Purpose

ID: Partial shot of the Wikipedia entry for the angel Hadraniel reads, “When Moses arrived in heaven to get the Torah from God, it was said that he was speechless with awe at the sight of Hadraniel. Hadraniel didn't think Moses should have the Torah, and made him weep in fear, which caused God to appear and reprimand Hadraniel for causing problems. Hadraniel quickly decided to behave”. The bit about causing problems is underlined. end ID]]

[mnemonem]

speaking of judeochristian shitposts, replacing “blood” with “cum” in the praise song “nothing but the blood of jesus” is basically the best thing and i have triggered my own mild cataplexy with it

“how precious is the flow / that makes me white as snow / no other fount i know / nothing but the cum of jesus”

[djstompdog]

Jesus playin truth or dare

Jesus: Judas, yous best not dare me to kiss you again

[foone]

You know how Mormons do that thing where they're studying genealogy so they can retroactively baptize everyone into being Mormon?

I'm gonna start a new religion where we do that but for being trans. We're gonna retroactively transition everyone who didn't get a chance to in their time on Earth, so finally they can be their true gender in heaven.

Like, "I'm sorry to hear about your grandma's passing. I'm sure he's in a better place now."

[kinsey3furry300]

Rabbi's of tumblr, is it permitted to swap out the lyrics to popular song "I'm sexy and I know it" my LMFAO to "I'm sexy and I'm Moses" and see it as in character, because Moses canonically had a wife and children, someone found him sexy, and he was presumably aware of it, so the line "in sexy and I know it" would not be out of charicter for him. Also both being a herdsman in the desert during your exile and lifting stone tablets is hard physically work, so presumably "I work out" also holds true. Also the local Rabbi who is also my landlord wouldn't answer this without laughing when I brought it up earlier.