I think there’s a big possibility that if Jason has feelings for you, you wouldn’t know until it literally kills him. He’s good at schooling his expressions, that’s a big part of his job. However, when it comes to you, the new clerk at the library, he doesn’t mean to. He’s not trying to act cool and nonchalant- he’s just awkward. You make him nervous, and when he’s nervous his face toughens up like steel. If it weren’t for the pink tinge on the tips of his ears, you’d have no idea he was even thinking about you. But he does. Think about you, that is. All the time. And sometimes he goes home and kicks himself for not saying something. Anything. Because you try to talk to him, despite being a bit shy yourself- you really do. Yet, all he offers in return is soft pink cheeks and clipped responses.
It’s really not his fault. For as long as he could remember, Jason has struggled with anxiety. After the Lazarus pit, it worsened tenfold. So yes, it can be intense at times. However, nobody warned him for how anxiety inducing a first crush would be. He’s embarrassed by his own behavior. This 20 year old man spends most of his nights prowling the streets, terrorizing crooks. Yet, he can’t stand to be in the same space as you without his heart beating painfully in his chest.
He just thinks you’re so pretty, so smart and sweet. You make tedious tasks seem graceful. But being the awkward boy trapped in a big man’s body, Jason does nothing to let you know just how he feels. Or so he thinks. He thinks he’s doing a good job at not screwing it up, of making a fool of himself.
He accepts every book you offer with the grace of a draft horse. Strong grip and a poker face. You don’t note the sheen of sweat on his palms, or the way his gaze is bit too intense. And those eyes, eyes that say more than his mouth does. You think sometimes you might even catch just a glance that means more than what he lets on. And then it’s gone.
Which is why you’re shocked when, months after your first meeting, you find a hand written note attached to the first page of the book only he returned. Neat but sharp handwriting reads, “How can I get closer to you?” No signed name, but you know who it’s from.
His level of yearning is pathetic. He wants you so bad. Wants to be yours so bad, and you don’t even know it. So, until he can work up the strength he needs to take things further, he’ll have to settle for this.
