#samble rambles

[flimsy-roost]

playing blue prince with my partner (after beating the main objective myself) on our big tv and he just stood up and stood two inches from the screen to read something you should need the magnifying glass for. as he put it, "Exposed in 4k!"

[ar0]

i think the fandom's idea of homura as "evil" is off.

homura if you think about it is not a truly evil character. more morally gray.

yes, she takes away madoka's powers as a goddess. but why? she does this bc she believes that madoka regrets her decision, + believes her when the (albeit non goddess) version of madoka says she would never leave homura alone, as she would miss her family + friends. + as a goddess, madoka is literally erased from existance, not remembered by anyone except homura — who literally iirc starts questioning if madoka was even real or if she had imagined her, since nobody else knows about or remembers madoka.

+ what does homura do with these powers? does she isolate madoka? hurt her? keep her away from family + friends?

no. she literally does the exact opposite. she gives madoka her family. gives everyone a companion. makes the world "ideal" for madoka by having all her friends around her, going to the same school, etc.

homura never hurts madoka. never attacks her, never scares her, never does anything threatening to her besides Maybe saying that as madoka is considered a "goddess" + homura is a self named "devil" that they'll be enemies one day.

"homura manipulates sayaka!"

perhaps, but homura is also a severely traumatized 13-14 year old girl who has seen all her friends, including the girl who saved her life, die repeatedly — probably around a hundred times, if iirc. she gloats to sayaka about being "evil" + "a demon" bc it's how she views herself as a person. she likely views sayaka as getting in the way of her new world, a world she uses to keep madoka happy.

"she calls herself evil!"

it's a reflection of how she views herself as a person. a very concerning idea.

"why didn't she just go with madoka?"

bc even if she did go, it's 100% plausible the incubators would just isolate another magical girl, + madoka would have to intervene again, putting her in danger of falling into their control all over again. it's also possible that since she calls herself evil she doesn't think she's "good enough" to go with madoka into what's basically magical girl heaven.

"but why do you think she's morally gray instead of evil?"

she's an example of good intentions bad actions. she wants to make madoka happy + to fulfill her promise that madoka never be tricked by kyubey. taking control of the universe to make madoka a normal human girl, surrounded by friends + family, fulfills that promise. it also fulfills homura's own wish — to be strong enough to protect madoka, who, as a goddess, is stronger than homura, + thus can't be protected by her.

[flimsy-roost]

just read Devon Price's latest piece on empathy and ööf. the section "projecting my worst assumptions" was a particular gut punch. I have just enough affective empathy to distinguish between positive and negative emotions, but if anyone ever switches from positive to negative in my vicinity, my default assumption is that I've unknowingly directly caused it

[flimsy-roost]

absolute whammy of a double-header going from crying of lot 49 to Paradise Logic, started crying laughing (rare drop) at "I bet you had a fucking lisp as a child. I bet you had occupational issues that made it hard for you to hold a pencil."

[flimsy-roost]

figure drawing model, nude except for a towel, squinting at me: Were you in this class last year?

me: Yeah, you asked me if I draw a lot of anime characters.

model: I remember you, I remember that!

me: It haunts me daily.

model, after looking thoughtful for a few beats: I'm not sorry.

me: You shouldn't be

[flimsy-roost]

on one hand I believe that the gamification of reading is producing worse books and shallower reading experiences. on the other hand I think it would be a funny bit to make a storygraph and track absolutely everything shamelessly. right now I'm rereading Wages of Whiteness for a paper and have a bunch of explicit manga coming in the mail. might use a cookbook tomorrow. fuck it no rules

[flimsy-roost]

partner redsiscovered kidpix last night and was fucking around on it, he showed me his masterpiece and I immediately went to the bookshelf and pulled one of my college textbooks:

[flimsy-roost]

tried to take a weekday off from my adhd meds and had to text my partner at work to tell me to go get a burrito bc I cant bring myself to do it on my own, yeah the socially motivated body doubling interpretation holds a lot of water