Selwyn is finally showing, and at first, it's fine. He doesn't look that different. But he can feel it. A couple weeks later, and he has to actively hide his bump. It's horrifying. This is what, the 3rd time his body has been chemically changed? the 2nd time his appearance has changed drastically he can not even recognize himself in the mirror, that his body has gone against his own will and become unrecognizable? He's terrified. He hates how he looks, and the brief thought of hating the baby for that puts him into a horrible spiral about how he is going to be a horrible parent, a parent just like his own, because who would, who could blame something so terrible on an innocent so pure? It's silent, for a while. The sort of quiet turmoil he's used to hiding. Until his pants can’t button up anymore, and he cracks. He absolutely loses it. He's sobbing on the bathroom floor when Bree finds him. It's a rare thing, to see Selwyn cry, and especially the hard sobbing he's doing right now. Over what? His pants are not fitting? And Selwn of course doesn't tell a soul about his problems unless he feels he needs to, and right now he feels ridiculous. And fat. And like his body is changing and it's out of his control. Once Selwyn's monologue dies down, Bree just hugs him. Tell him that it's ok, this is horrifying. As beautiful as creating life too, its bone chilling what it does. Especially for Selwyn, someone again and he cant do anything about it. Eventually, Bree calms him down to the point where he can talk, but he's hiding his face from her, staring at the wall, and Bree is also staring at the wall, sitting as still as she can, holding her breath because she knows any sign she's there will shut selwyn who prides himself in being in control, this unknown variable was bound to stress him out. But, it's different. It's not bad. It's not like when the Kingsmage's oath forced itself into Selwn very blood. It’s not like when his demonia took over and everything he was taught to fear was coming to fruition. This was a choice. A choice that was unstable, unpredictable, and mind numbingly terrifying, but it was his. In fact, if he wanted it to stop, there was always an option to, as dark as it was. He wasn’t horrible for being scared. And, in reality, it IS the bab forcing his body to change.A fleeting thought of dislike is not a reflection of how he would be as a parent. Everyone has these thoughts. Anyone would, even human pregnancy left the most confident people in shambles. Selwyn has already broken so many cycles, this was just one more hoop to jump through. The next day, Bree and Nick go out to buy new clothes for Selwyn.
