#scowl corner

[lovelessrage]

Are we ready for the "assuming allosexual automatically means sex favourable is a byproduct of rape culture" conversation or are we not there yet.

[lovelessrage]

Yes, normalize "I love you" not always being romantic. At the same time, normalise asking someone if they are comfortable with it. I cannot count how many times someone thought platonic meant "no boundary questions required" and thought the fact it was platonic was enough. Yes, normalise this expression being used in this way. Yes, normalise boundaries around platonic love.

[lovelessrage]

Since it is Disability Pride Month, let's talk about disabled aspecs. Aspecs who would prefer a solitary lifestyle but require caretakers. Aspecs who cannot live alone on what their benefits provide. Aspecs who, due to the ableism of society, are constantly prevented from living a single life. Aspecs who struggle with sexuality, sexual positions or libido due to disability. Aspecs who are tired with their labels being attributed to their disabilities. Aspecs who DO identify as aspec because they're disabled. Aspecs with screen readers locked out of community resources, aspecs who can't get into buildings for meetups because of inaccessible architecture. Aspecs who can't meet other aspecs in real life because of their conditions. Any aspec that can't fit the able-bodied mold and feels unseen and unsupported.

I wish you a safe and peaceful Disability Pride Month, whether you can find pride in your condition or not. Your aspec perspective and identity is valued, needed, and respected here, and I hope soon it will be respected everywhere.

[lovelessrage]

Happy Pride! As always, here's your reminder: don't abandon your own. Don't abandon your own for catchy slogans, don't sacrifice others for a punchier post, don't demean others to elevate your own activism.

We're all here, and while our experiences aren't always the same, while not all of us have the same kind of difficulties or deal with the same problems, we're still all here. Anybody will tell you that you can't just declare yourself an ally - it's something you earn by having other people feel safe enough to call you one. So, even if you are aspec yourself in other ways, before you make dozens of post declaring yourself an ally to all aspec identities, ask yourself a few questions:

Am I familiar with their issues?

How can I educate myself if I'm not?

How can I reduce these issues and avoid contributing?

How can I support others through things I can't solve?

I'm a loveless aroallo, that's pretty obvious from my page, and I'm always grateful for support I see. But, asking these four questions are always going to be supremely more important than a post about how we are valid or claiming that you're an ally or just including loveless people in a dropdown list of identities. Plenty of people don't understand or know there's even loveless people OUTSIDE of aromantics! There are! Lovelessness is not one size fits all, and if you didn't know that before, I'm glad you do now. It's not exclusive to any one person, or any one experience, as with any other identity like it.

If you want to be an activist, if you want to be supportive, you must strive for it. You won't always click right away, and it might be hard to unlearn and let go of some things you thought in your heart of hearts was true. However, it is necessary. It is necessary if you want to foster community built on understanding, and not assumptions.

Pride is a celebration, and Pride is also a recognition of how far we've come. Let's keep moving forward.

[lovelessrage]

Shoutout to mean aros. Aros that are a hard pill to swallow. Aros that aren't palatable. Aros that are angry, cold, and distant. Aros that don't want to be "good representation". Aros that don't love and don't care what's said about it. Aros that do love and don't care who understands it. Aros that don't sit right with alloromos. Aros that want to be left alone and don't want to talk. Aros that are loud and opinionated and refuse to shut up. Aros that are bitter. Aros that don't want to answer questions about their labels. You shouldn't need to be warm and approachable to earn respect for your aromanticism and avoid harassment from arophobes.

[lovelessrage]

This post goes out to unfeeling aros. To aros that choose to reject love and aros that don't see it as a part of their life. To aros that had no choice in what love they struggle to or can't feel at all. To aros with low or no empathy, to aros that can't fit the ideal of "still caring in a different way". To aros that very rarely or will never "love in other ways". To aros that can't, won't, or don't want to be defined by how much they love their friends or family instead.

Being aromantic is not something to "redeem".

Being aromantic should not be something you have to dress up in "buts" and "ifs" about feeling in other ways.

Being aromantic means supporting the aros around you, not punching down because you found a way to be accepted more broadly and don't mind who gets left behind. It's all of us or none of us, and that includes aros who can't love, can't care, and won't fit the image of a "good aro" who's perfectly platonic, familial, caring and loving. Even the most solitary aro you can think of is deserving of a judgement-free life.

[lovelessrage]

I feel like when the question is asked "do aros feel like they are forced to choose QPRs/some other type of non-romantic dynamic", it's often missing a very vital component, and that is that most people interpret that question to be someone strongarming you into that choice.

What is far more common is the societal impacts at play and how those affect someone's choices. For example, the complex of feeling incomplete or broken without a romantic partner often translates to feeling the same way without a QPR. Feeling failed without a relationship, or that you are missing out on a grand experience others can have but you can't, is also a type of pressure. When you measure your worth up against a checklist of relationships, that's an enforced idea. It's subtle, and it only comes into the light when you already hate yourself and feel empty and alone.

People don't often come up to you and tell you how sad and miserable you'll be directly; it is something you gain from being surrounded by an ideal of success that you feel you cannot meet. I often feel that, for a community that can often pride itself on its "awareness" of alloromantic relationships, or seeing things others don't, or offering relationship advice, there is that same side that sees these blindspots as unapplicable to them. That they are immune to amatonormativity and its variants, when they are not.

How much is want, a healthy want for this dynamic, and how much is based upon an implanted need? How much is based on this as the "aro experience", the "aro relationship", the "aro struggle" influencing what we see as necessary? How much is feeling like you can't be happy or complete without the last little checkmark?

[lovelessrage]

I am once again humbly requesting that aros [although it's an everyone issue I especially see it with others aros] drop the direct link between aromanticism and enjoying platonic intimacy, being friending, wanting familial relationships, loving in other ways, and loving in general [because, reminder, you can be loveless and still have attractions]. It gets really aggravating to constantly see aro identity blanketed and compensated for with "softer" attractions. Not to mention how exclusionary it is to other aros around you.

Aros of all kinds deserve respect. If you value these things and want to share, absolutely do so! Do keep in mind, however, what you label as an "aro thing", and ask yourself if what you see as an "aro thing" is actually just being alloplatonic or allofamilial. It isn't a bad thing to prioritize friendship, family, or other relationships; it just isn't an "aro thing", it's a "your personal happiness".