#self meta

[unspecified-expectations]

Older siblings in media aren't always my favorite.

To be honest, I sometimes have a l,ot of trouble sympathizing with older siblings in media. Likely do to some sort of f-ed up projection that I've decided to do as an older sibling myself.

And recently, I've noticed that the few times I am able to actually like an older sibling as my favorite or as a tolerable character only seems to happen when they

Are being a good older sibling to the younger (by this I mean exceptionally good)

basically sacrifice everything about themselves (and I mean everything) to help their siblings or family.

It's not fair. But honestly its a pattern I couldn't help but notice.

And of course it's not always that way, I do have some exceptions I think, but it's just interesting to see, because I'm not a great older sister.

Up until recent years I actually kind of sucked. A lot.

But I do care about my siblings, and I wish I knew that earlier, and part of that seems to reflect in my media taste lmao.

Because if you take the few examples of my favorite older siblings it's

Han Yoojin, Ace and Sabo, Jiang Yanli, Shurri(who technically doesn't count), leonardo from tmnt 2012, and probably a few more.

But out of these characters the only ones who are my 'favorites' are Shurri, Leo, and Han Yoojin.

Notably, for one thing, Shurri was technically their mother or at least stepmother and basically thought they hated her for years.

Leonardo is basically a quadrouplet and was raised in the sewers in isolation.

And Han yoojin basically raised his younger brother then went back in time for him when things went wrong.

And it's not to say that I don't think the others are great, but i don't connect with them seemingly at all unless it's related to the younger siblings and it's just.

I feel like it's because part of me thinks they failed. Not necessarily as an older sibling but at least in these three examples (Ace, Sabo, JYL-) they Died. Like, they couldn't control that and Sabo isn't technically dead but in my eyes death although a noble sacrifice contributed nothing to the younger sibling aside from trauma and living another day.

And while I would (to my best ability) die if my siblings needed me to to survive, it would be a failure on my part if it got that far. Or if they were in that danger to begin with.

More over, the fact that I left them alone, and without my help in the future?

They are alive, yes, but I shouldn't need to die for them to be alive. They should be alive with me, or without me if necessary, and only if necessary (or if they really wanted me to leave.)

(i know this doesn't make sense T-T)

So while I love these characters, I can't connect as well. (even if I really get Ace with how he originally treated Luffy and the guilt)

---

As for other older siblings, I guess I don't connect as much because often times they just don't really compare to the younger siblings.

Like with Dick Grayson, I get him, he's great, but he's not my favorite.

And I love his character, I love his character especially as a kid!

But with siblings, he really seems to fall flat to me and it's not even his fault.

Idk lmao. I think I just hate the fact that i failed at my most important role in life and take it out on them lmao.

Anyway anyone can add thoughts I don't mind.

[ichayalovesyou]

Sooo… I Finally Have A Favorite Star Trek Character. (Spoilers: Its Pike)

It’s kinda crazy for me to realize this but

I think Strange New Worlds might be the first Star Trek show where the captain is my absolute favorite character. Like, unquestionably, no competition.

It’s not that I dislike any of the captains, heck, I even find Archer interesting and I know he gets a lot of hate. They each have episodes where the central focus is on them that I love. But they’re usually not consistently my favorite from episode to episode.

And I’m not used to that at all! Star Trek is an ensemble show! I have my favorites from each where I get happy and rewatch episodes where they are the central character, Spock, Data, Bashir, Tuvok, Tucker, Saru, Rutherford, the list goes on. Usually those characters within each series constantly compete for first place in my brain. Where the episodes they’re not in or they’re in the background aren’t as enjoyable to watch.

That’s not the case with Pike, I like him so much that even when he hardly has any dialogue I’m just happy he’s there, every little interaction, his presence, is a joy. I think it may just be that Star Trek finally generated a character that appeals directly to all of my sweet spots that follow a trend of characters that transcend being just my favorite characters within a story, but favorite fictional people period.

The perfect cocktail for my favorites being,

1. Someone I see myself in

2. Someone I aspire to be like

3. Someone I wish would adopt me/take me under their wing

4. Someone I’m very attracted to

5. The actor playing them is a noticeably good person in real life.

6. Bonus Points: Genderrrrrrrr 🏳️‍⚧️

All at the same time, and I can come up with maybe two or three other characters from everything I have ever consumed in my life that have struck all those chords at once.

This is certainly the first Trek character that struck all those chords with me. It’s sending ripples through my brain on ways I don’t know how to articulate. A setting I love with characters I love finally has a character that’s got every single thing that appeals to me, and that’s wild, because most of my Trek favs usually get 4 out of 5 of those secret ingredients to making me trancedentally obsessed with them. The only other character that’s come close is Spock (and he’s on SNW too so that just shows you how hard Pike hits me).

I mean, I could go on and on about what it is trait wise that makes me like him (selfless, vulnerable, reasonable, steadfast, optimistic, paternal etc) but I and hundreds of other Pike fans have gone over those and I’m sure I could talk at length about each of those traits if anyone were to ask (PLEASE ask, I’d love the excuse). But I think ultimate thing I’m saying is.

Thank you Captain Pike

Thank you Anson Mount

Thank you to the writers and directors responsible for this character existing in Discovery and SNW

But chiefly

Thank you Star Trek… again 🥰

[deanwasalwaysbi]

It's not about dissecting the intention behind every narrative. It's not about ruining art, or only centering intention at the expense of higher level reading.

It's about queer narratives being the only ones writers and studios deny are clearly written into the text. It's about needing to deny what your story is about to get it made. It's about saying it's "up for interpretation" being progress after years of dodging, denial, and derision of fan readings.

It's about the urge to reanalyze and evaluate reality after experiencing gaslighting. It's literally a trauma response.

[sharkiewrites]

Selected completed fics, arranged by fandom:

Animal Crossing

Apples and Oranges - 6,775 words, series-spanning pre-New Horizons, crack worldbuilding and the first Tom Nook/Crazy Redd fic ever posted on AO3

Babylon

Failure to Communicate - 9,029 words, Liz Garvey/Finn Kirkwood

Celebration - 763 words, Liz Garvey/Finn Kirkwood

NSFW where the bruises don't show - 10,112 words, Liz Garvey/Finn Kirkwood

Fallen London/Sunless Sea

heart's desire - 7,666 words, Jovial Contrarian & Player

The Jovial Contrarian's Potential Hallowmas Confessions - 666 words

Trial by Truel - 5,055 words

Neathy Morsels - standalone fills for the 3 Sentence Ficathon

A Tree to Hang Forever - 1,930 words, Presbyterate Adventuress/Brisk Campaigner

NSFW little deaths - 2,569 words, Feducci/Player

NSFW i'm going down all the way - 1,558 words, Intrepid Deacon/Player

NSFW V for vigorous f______ - 4,760 words, Sinning Jenny/Jovial Contrarian

a quarrelsome time - 5,134 words, Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell fusion AU, Jonathan Strange & Jovial Contrarian

Genshin Impact

NSFW you get me closer to god - 4,141 words, Dottore/Diluc and Dottore/Baizhu

Gintama

NSFW swallowing is overrated, just bring a handkerchief (a handkerchief you don't like) - 2,538 words, Hijikata Toushirou/Sakata Gintoki

NSFW RSVP Even if You Aren't Sure You'll Make It, Just In Case; It's Better to Have More Chairs Than Less 16,282 words, Hijikata Toushirou/Sakata Gintoki

NSFW Hooking Up with Your Ex is the Best Way to Gain Closure, Obviously - 3,256 words, Sakata Gintoki/Takasugi Shinsuke with background Hijikata Toushirou/Sakata Gintoki

Star Wars: The Old Republic

What is Weakness - 1,053 words, Male Sith Warrior & Vette

Tactical Disadvantage - 1,898 words, Male Imperial Agent/Theron Shan

NSFW Cold Shoulder - 11,343 words, Anspi'shel/Alilia

Misc.

Fifteen Ways to Die Horribly at Wormit Bay on 28 December, 1879 - 'The Tay Bridge Disaster' by William McGonagall retold in the style of Daphne Gottlieb's 'Fifteen Ways to Stay Alive'

NSFW And The Melody Lingers On - 2,190 words post-Buckley vs. Vidal debates at the 1968 Democratic National Convention; political RPF about two dead men ranging from morally questionable-to-horrible who wrote political RPF for a living; r*llrill could never; etc.

[guardiandae]

since we're talking about how good 5+7 is- i found 5+7 a long while after i was diagnosed with ocd, but when it had started flaring up again. to find a story that said things like "yes this is going to be hard, it's not going to go away" and "there will be people that love you, that want to help you" and "it's okay if you mess things up because of this, so long as you try your hardest to make them right" and "there will be good spots, you are not broken" was huge. it was an accurate (1/2)

portrayal of these struggles, in a character i related to so much, and it didn't demonize ocd, and it didn't miraculously "cure" it. i still return to it whenever i'm having issues. it's some of the only good ocd representation i've found in fanfic, and i cannot thank you enough for writing it. (2/2) ----

Sorry I’ve sat on this ask for a while, I just enjoyed it so much it moved me to tears ;;w;;

I do not have OCD but I have struggled (and am still struggling with) mental illness and those exact messages are things I desperately needed in media and therefore wanted to create. It means a lot to me that these came through and that it was something someone else also needed to hear.

[badsithnocookie]

like i don’t talk about That Time a whole lot not least because 2017 was kind of a Hell Year on a personal level even disregarding internet bullshit. also because it was three years ago you fucking weirdo stop being a racist loser already. but like

fundamentally if ‘the whole fandom hates me’ because i don’t have much truck with racists or transphobes (or lesbophobes or biphobes or ablists or abuse apologists or) then uh i take that as a compliment! thanks bud, by mine enemies shall i be judged and here? i seem to be doing okay

‘some people who think that actual literal h-tler had empowering philosophies if you ignore the fact they were those of actual literal h-tler, don’t like me on the internet’ oh no!! how ever shall i cope!! jeeves, fetch the fainting couch!!!

🙄

[bonesandpoemsandflowers]

have edited tumblr description to:

spooky latina bisexual gym goth - writing, opinions, and selfies.

on the theory that i am fulfilling the unofficial tumblr rule about helpfully providing your pronouns by saying “latina” and not, I don’t know, whatever the gender neutral term for that we’re currently arguing about is.

i wanted to say DISCOURSE(TM) instead of opinions, but I feel like this probably frightens away a significant portion of the potential audience, and also some people do not usually immediately understand how all caps are for JOKING because COMEDIC EMPHASIS and therefore similar to but not always the same as SARCASM.

[badsithnocookie]

somedays i’m like ‘how did i, a sith trashcan running a sith blog, end up constantly talking about and actively defending the jedi’ but it’s like

the sith, as has been noted elsewhere repeatedly by people far more coherent and eloquent than i, are an inherently reactionary tradition, especially in the EU

everything that they are, is a reaction to and rejection of, the jedi. on both watsonian and doylist levels. so like

to understand the jedi, is to understand the sith. to misunderstand and mischaracterise the jedi, is to misunderstand and mischaracterise the sith. it’s not a coincidence that the parts of sith fandom that yell the loudest about how the jedi are a cult/evil actually/etc are also the parts that just like, find boilerplate fascism empowering (just don’t use the f word to describe it, because that makes them sad)

(i’ve noted this before, but from a certain perspective, the EU sith are jedi, precisely because of that reactionaryism - everything that they are is predicated on a rejection and a twisting of jedi teachings. the greatest jedi heresy is, arguably, the sith. granted, this is an assertion that most jedi and indeed most sith would dismiss out of hand, and there is a valid argument to be made that the sith tradition has grown beyond that of the jen’ari. but like. star war is as averse to cultural change as it is to technological; the jedi code of 4k bby is largely the same as the jedi code in the ST era)

or at least, like. that’s my opinion, man

¯\_(ツ)_/¯