Feb 17
seen from United States
seen from Netherlands
seen from United States
seen from Israel
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Switzerland
seen from United States
seen from Switzerland
seen from Switzerland
seen from China
seen from Switzerland
seen from United States
seen from Switzerland
seen from United States
seen from Algeria
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from Switzerland
Sometimes my brain just straight-up lies about shit.
It’s mostly when I’m panicking or despairing (IE, having a flashback). If it’s about worries about my career (or lack of one), I will straight-up tell you (and truly believe in that moment) that I’ve never had a “real” job and what if I’m lazy? and I have nothing to put on a resume! and and and--
--and the truth is that I’ve been working in some form for 17 years. Work-study, substitute teaching, tutoring, teaching college, publishing internship, summer youth pastor, freelance copyeditor, freelance handcrafts. Not to mention my PhD and my five published books. But get me on a bad day and I will not only forget about all the jobs I’ve ever had, but if you bring any of them up, I will come up with elaborate arguments for why they don’t count.
It’s the same with a lot of things in my life. A doctor will ask me if I’m exercising, and I’ll freak out and say no, not at all, and I will end up getting a kindly lecture about how I need to exercise more--when the truth is that I DO exercise, and that I have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome, and I’m literally doing as much as I can right now. But when I’m having a flashback, I will think that I deserve the lecture, and I will start sobbing about how I CAN’T exercise more, and the doctor will say I COULD if I just TRIED, and then I turn into a quivering puddle of despair.
PTSD: It’s a hell of a drug.
What do heroes do, anyway?
Genos: It’s impressive that you still always arrive on time. ...
Saitama: No, I’m actually always late.
Building on a meme I did earlier, the upshot of which that even being able to intervene briefly is no mean feat, I thought I’d look at what heroes actually do.
The only thing that heroes actually do is that they save the moment. Hopefully, that moment will build into further moments and maybe into the whole day. Hopefully, the impact of their actions will be to defeat the threat or remove people from danger, but they can’t know that.
The other truth is that even if they do save the day, there’s no guarantee that they’re going to save *your* day. Even if they’re not Saitama carelessly dropping a giant on a city, there’s no saying that you’re going to be alright.
So, if there’s no guarantee that a hero will be able to save the day and there’s no guarantee that a hero will be able to save your day in particular, what’s the good of a hero? Same thing as a defibrillator: it’s to turn no chance into some chance. As you live one moment to the next,
So what’s to be done? If you cry for help and someone comes through for you, you have to help yourself in any way that you can. The most supportive thing you can do is not to stick around and cheer them on. It’s to run if there’s any escape available. This guy gets it:
There’s a very nice exchange where Garou impresses on Tareo that his getting between him and the monsters does not mean that the boy gets to sit back and do nothing for himself. He tells Tareo to run and the boy says he can’t move. We understand: he’s terrified.
Does Garou say nice consoling things to Tareo? Tell him he should just try, it’ll all be fine? No, he shouts at him and calls him an idiot. Tells him most harshly that if he won’t help himself, he shouldn’t look to anyone to save him.
Of course, even with doing everything you can, there’s no guarantee that you’ll be able to get to safety. That is life. It’s all about maximising chances, not guaranteeing safety.
Simple enough, no? It only takes a room temperature IQ to realise that heroes can’t guarantee outcomes. They can’t reach into the past to rectify any mistakes or problems, nor into the future to predict what will happen. Maybe the hero on scene will be enough, maybe they won’t. Maybe they’ll be flawless, maybe they’ll make a fatal error despite being the right person on the scene. Maybe someone else will come in to help, maybe not. Maybe the situation will stay as it is, maybe it’ll escalate in an unexpected way. No one can tell you. If they’re ‘just buying time’ how much time is it? No one knows. The only thing they have control over is what actions they’ll do in the now. Same as anyone else.
believe in your heroes but get the fuck out of Dodge
A surprising number of people volunteer themselves for death because they see a hero as a reason to stick around and be entertained, rather than a lifeline to get out of danger.
not one of these people has to be where they are -- they think they’re here to see an exciting show. Lucky for them, the monster wasn’t hungry for human flesh that day.
I think it’s not fair that I have to work so hard to fight an eating disorder that I certainly didn’t ask for. But whats important is that I can regain my control.
Eating disorders are no choice, but recovery is.
Parallax IV: Vulnerability
I was the architect, So strong in his conviction and design, That he allowed it to consume all else. I was the barbarian, Dedicated to protecting the homeland, Over himself. Until one day, I realized who you were, A crony in suffering the fault of their mind, But you angled your eyes away from mine, Realizing you needed work and you weren’t fine. That day you and I both held a deck of cards, And we danced around each others' pain, Wondering who would play the highest card next, Who's misery was best? The queen of hearts was now of spades, The king of clovers became suitless and began to fade Into the darkness of his own mind Until self-love he would find. I was the king, the architect, the barbarian, And you were a simple, kind, and intelligent contrarian I saw my flaws unfold after I broke your heart, Hoping every day apart we could restart. When I saw you on that day you were not the same, A coldness and rigidity now defined your frame, But it was strength I could see and not your past fragility, I made no attempt to hide my deepest vulnerability. A deck of cards, Each of us had. I played all my cards right at the beginning, Showed you all my suits and my deepest shortcomings, Poured it quickly into your eyes and showed you, my truest love, What this time apart had made me realize, What I thought I was made of. With all the cards in your hands you looked back at me, Lightly pulsating and sharply staring through my anxiety, While somehow you kept yours so strongly at bay, The cards remained in your hands, You didn't want to play. I told you this was no time to fold, But you said that the cards were yours to hold, While all of mine laid a desheveled mess across the table, My mind spiraling down into this macabre fable. You are not mine, And maybe, I won't be fine, As much as I tell you I will be This lie was built for you, Not for me. But My vulnerability shined through my eyes weeks after I saw you, The golden light slowly embossed me and made my promises true, I became a better man teeming with greatness in his soul, The rays burst out of my mouth, Gave me purpose and gave me goals. I forgot who I was before I met you quite some time ago, The man was found and improved more than you could ever know, You don't deserve me now with my chin held high, Once again it is I who commands the sky. Cards are games for children, And I'm not here to play games with a girl, I wanted you to open your heart like a woman, You didn't let your hair unfurl. You never saw me for who I was, A crony in suffering the fault of their mind, My eyes stayed locked in your direction, Waiting for you to grow and show me your affection, and realize we both. weren't. fine.
“Perceived self-efficacy is defined as people's beliefs about their capabilities to produce designated levels of performance that exercise influence over events that affect their lives. Self-efficacy beliefs determine how people feel, think, motivate themselves and behave. Such beliefs produce these diverse effects through four major processes. They include cognitive, motivational, affective and selection processes. A strong sense of efficacy enhances human accomplishment and personal well-being in many ways. People with high assurance in their capabilities approach difficult tasks as challenges to be mastered rather than as threats to be avoided. Such an efficacious outlook fosters intrinsic interest and deep engrossment in activities. They set themselves challenging goals and maintain strong commitment to them. They heighten and sustain their efforts in the face of failure. They quickly recover their sense of efficacy after failures or setbacks. They attribute failure to insufficient effort or deficient knowledge and skills which are acquirable. They approach threatening situations with assurance that they can exercise control over them. Such an efficacious outlook produces personal accomplishments, reduces stress and lowers vulnerability to depression.In contrast, people who doubt their capabilities shy away from difficult tasks which they view as personal threats. They have low aspirations and weak commitment to the goals they choose to pursue. When faced with difficult tasks, they dwell on their personal deficiencies, on the obstacles they will encounter, and all kinds of adverse outcomes rather than concentrate on how to perform successfully. They slacken their efforts and give up quickly in the face of difficulties. They are slow to recover their sense of efficacy following failure or setbacks. Because they view insufficient performance as deficient aptitude it does not require much failure for them to lose faith in their capabilities. They fall easy victim to stress and depression.”
Evaluating on occasion is better for this phase. You've done the heavy lifting. You've laid the groundwork. Now, you just have to continue to follow through in what you've established. Collect that data over time and course-correct as needed, but you don't need to reinvent the wheel each and every day.