Shadow Work 101: Ruminating vs Reprocessing
I need to start this off with my usual disclaimer that I am not a therapist and really underline it here. I speaking on this based purely on my own experience and a little bit of reading I've done on the subject. It in no way constitutes a expert opinion. (Also it’s 3 in the morning here, so even if I was an expert, this would not exactly be optimal material here)
However, it's important enough that I want to at least bring this part of shadow work up because I realized recently that I've not addressed it very explicitly.
When you're working with difficult memories and even trauma in your shadow work, it is incredibly important to evaluate whether you're reprocessing the memory when you bring it up to explore it and sit with it.
What I mean is usually in going through old memories there's this discovery process, where you suddenly see your past experiences in a new light. But it's important to then move to the next part which is reintegrating that memory in a way so that remembering it isn't painful or causing dysfunction. There are a ton of ways to do that. Therapists have a ton of tools at their disposal to help with this so if you can see one, I highly recommend it. But tarot is also a good way to begin to reexamine and reintegrate these difficult memories. Spreads can help you see those memories in new lights and help balance out the intensity of our negative thinking.
However, there's something I've seen with some folks where they'll almost obsessively recall memories and do not reprocess them. Or they'll bring up more memories than they can possibly do any sort of reintegration work at a time. This can be overwhelming and even damaging in my experience. It can lead to folks freezing and shutting down. It can wind up being used to justify poor behaviors that might have sparked the exploration in the first place, keeping the person locked in their dysfunctional patterns.
That sort of obsession without reprocessing is called rumination. Where you feel as if you can't stop thinking about a difficult memory or that you have to in order to prevent something bad from happening again. Rumination can almost become a form of self harm depending on how it manifests in a person's life. If when someone messes up they then recall a bunch of times they've messed up and they don't follow that up with any sort of reframing, it's essentially like yelling and humiliating yourself. Rumination, even in it's milder forms, is highly correlated to depression and, at least in my experience, can totally stall the shadow integration/healing process.
So when trying to figure out if you're ruminating or reprocessing a memory, here are some questions:
When you recall the memory, do you see it in a new more compassionate light (reprocessing) or do you feel as if that's the end of line, there's nothing more to do (rumination)?
Afterward, do you feel lighter and more relieved (reprocessing) or do you feel heavy and shameful (rumination)?
When you're thinking about the memory, do you account for the complexity of the situation (reprocessing) or do you find yourself believing you or another person was all good or all bad (rumination)?
While these aren't perfect in their wording, they're at least a start. If you find yourself ruminating a lot, there are a host of strategies you can use to cut down on it. One option, is just not doing memory work until you're better able to manage that rumination. Sometimes we push ourselves too far too fast and we just need a chance to recoup in order to get back to reprocessing. There's plenty of other shadow work skills to work on in that time - keeping small daily promises, describing things neutrally, breathwork - that don't require you to bring up memories in order to be helpful.
If you're really in a rut, I recommend TMS journaling - stream of consciousness journaling for 20 minutes with the focus on writing down things we're afraid to admit to other people and then deleting or destroying it - twice a day. It's been incredibly helpful for me to break the habit of rumination. Another option is talking for 20 minutes into a camera if journaling that much is too difficult. My question and answer method I wrote about can also be helpful here.
But maybe you're like some folks I've talked to and you're realizing you don't really know how to reprocess a memory. While I definitely recommend a therapist above all else, one way can be to select a card as a signifier for the memory, shuffle you deck, find the card, and the cards on either side will offer a different framing for how to think about it. You can also check out some of the spreads I've posted under shadow working in my free resources. Working with stuck points if you're in a good enough place can also be one way to shift the needle forward.
So I just wanted to put this out there for folks who might not realize their shadow work is actually rumination heavy and as something to consider if you're stalling out in your shadow work. I really hope you all are well and I'm looking forward to writing more about this in the future.
