#shadow self

[servantofthefates]

You have no idea how much your shadow self loves you.

Your shadow self is the one who gets angry when someone disrespects you.

The one who fights back when someone hurts you.

The one who tells you to leave a partner, a friend, a job that is harming you.

Yes, your higher self cares about your karma, your wisdom, your peace.

But it’s your shadow self who makes sure you are safe, loved, cherished.

So listen to your shadow self. It’s the oldest friend you’ve ever had.

[raisedbythetv89]

btvs writers: faith and spike are representative of buffy's shadow self

me: right of course that's very obvious, makes sense please proceed

season 2 when spike is introduced he obviously was not her shadow consciously in all the writers minds at that point in time however on rewatches we can still interpret their earlier behaviors as such and there is A LOT to interpret: buffy and her shadow are both with other people who who connect them to each other and it was angel who sent spike on his path that would lead him to kill two slayers which leads him to buffy and despite being enemies they are unsuccessful in destroying each other and even manage to form a truce and work together. Buffy is told she's on her own by whistler and Spike then shows up to be her only ally

me: remembering, "I can be alone with you here" in s6. ok yeah so they are one - when she's alone with spike she's alone with herself. her and her shadow are literally teaming up to kill the monster who is a threat to her and our shadow selves are incredibly protective of us which is why society teaches us to hate those parts of ourselves in the first place so they can better manipulate, exploit, and abuse us. so even though the concept of a shadow self hasn't been introduced yet spike is still behaving in alignment with that from the very beginning (if you do not know or acknowledge your shadow self it will try to destroy you in order to call attention to it and try and force you to acknowledge it's existence and meet all your suppressed and ignored needs)

season 3: buffy can't fool one shadow about what's really going on with her and stabs the other shadow for angel and puts her into a coma

me: damn buffy fucking hates herself and being with angel in season 3 is a huge self betrayal and a form of self harm and both shadows call attention to that and faith literally tries to get angel away from her by killing him (not saying faith consciously is trying to protect buffy just that through the shadow lens that’s how her behavior can be interpreted)

season 4: buffy has the least consistent interactions with both shadow selves but the interactions she does have with both of them come between her and riley and cause major conflicts - riley works for the people who hunt and neuter her shadow self in an attempt to use and control his strength for their own means

me: ok so when buffy is with riley she is the most disconnected from herself which is why she's unable to emotionally connect with him because she can only connect with riley as much as she is connected to herself and she literally can't be connected to her shadow around riley because he already neutered her shadow and was angry with her for hiding spike from him after he escaped - we have moved from self hatred and betrayal to complete self abandonment - fuck.

season 5: the pull to her shadow is becoming harder to ignore, she is sneaking out of her bed and away from riley in order to be in graveyards closer to her shadow, to be free to be herself. buffy's behavior does not match the narrative she gives about her relationship to her shadow - she says she hates him, that she doesn't trust him and is repulsed by him and yet only confides in him and regularly seeks out his help and support and relies on him to protect her family. she looks to him for guidance to tell her about herself and he tells her of her death wish. dawn, the representative of buffy's innocence and inner child, is introduced and feels safe with her shadow and is always seeking him out

me: ok so just like when her shadow tried to get rid of angel in season 3 because he was a danger to her now her shadow is trying to come between her and riley because he's even more of a threat to buffy because he's trying to constrict her and shove her into the smallest box he can fit her into and have control over her strength and power and it terrifies her that spike is right about her death wish and that he knows that about her so she both fears her connection to her shadow with spike but also relies on it to keep dawn safe

season 6: tells him he's the only person she can stand to be around and is fucking him seven ways til sunday every chance she gets

me: ugh poor buffy she is caught between trying to love herself while still putting pleasing and meeting the expectations of everyone around her first and it's tearing her apart

season 7: buffy literally brings her shadow out of the dark (the school basement) and first into her world (via xander's) and then into her actual home - she cares for him, she supports him, she rescues him she says the literal words I don't hate like that, not anymore... she protects her shadow and she is no longer afraid to upset the people around her as long as she is doing what she knows is right and what she knows she needs to do

me: yay!!! Buffy loves herself!!! she's no longer putting pleasing other people above her own needs!! she isn't afraid to love and care for her shadow openly for all to see! no more self abandonment or betrayal! she is empowered!!!!

me engaging with fandom and seeing people hate season 7 buffy: *whispering to the person next to me* do you think they forgot about the symbolisms and the metaphors and got caught up in the ship wars or do you think they just hate empowered women and prefer them to be doormats who hate themselves?

[igotsnothing]

"I'm living in an age That calls darkness light"

[ourslutfactory]

Queen of the night

[viviennevividly]

He knows his own shadow

He’s plunged gracefully

Into the depths

Swam through the darkness

Hunting every living thing

In the blackness

Like a sleek and cunning tiger shark

He has swallowed every other monster

Developing a taste for the cold

The bleak; the calculating weak

The fleeting thrill

Of the assured kill

All the light squeezed out…

To resurface will be arduous

He will feel the pressure

He will face the bends

The potential shattering

The recalibration

The reclamation

The sharp acclimation of the climb

But the golden shimmer

Of the sunlight beckons

The radiance of high vibrations

And allure of clarity and love

Seek the solid and the brave

And warriors must remember

How to ride the waves

They must integrate

The shadow and the light

In order to evolve and ascend

- Viv

[umbrapecattum]

I leave inconsistencies, not memories.

[liliths-lantern-readings]

🪞 The Truth You've Been Avoiding But Needed to Hear

There’s something a little intense about this one—so if you’re here, you probably already feel it in your gut. This is a pick-a-pile tarot reading for the truth you’ve been avoiding but needed to hear. Not the sugar-coated version, not the comforting half-lie—just the message your higher self keeps nudging you toward when everything gets quiet.

Take a breath, pick the pile you’re most drawn to (don’t overthink it—your intuition is louder than your logic right now). And be open. Some messages may feel validating, others might sting a little… but all of them are meant to bring clarity, not chaos.

Whatever you’ve been running from, postponing, or softening in your mind—this is where it gets honest.

Pick a pile...

⚖️Pile 1⚖️

⚖️Pile 2⚖️

⚖️Pile 3⚖️

Pile 1

Eight of Cups reversed + Nine of Coins + Nine of Cups reversed

The truth you’ve been avoiding is that you’re staying emotionally invested in something you’ve already outgrown—not because it’s right for you, but because it’s familiar. The Eight of Cups reversed is that back-and-forth energy: walking away in your mind, but returning in your habits, memories, or hope.

And then the Nine of Coins steps in like a quiet correction. There is a version of you that is stable, self-sufficient, and genuinely at peace alone—not lonely, not lacking, just full in yourself. But you may be underestimating how close you already are to that version of you… and how much this current attachment is keeping you emotionally “half-available” to it.

Then the Nine of Cups reversed pulls the mask off the wish-fulfillment story. Something you thought would make you feel secure, chosen, or satisfied… isn’t actually delivering that feeling. It might look right on paper, or feel addictive emotionally, but it’s not actually feeding you in a real way anymore. There’s a gap between “what I thought this would be” and “what I actually feel living it.”

The invitation in this spread isn’t “leave everything immediately,” it’s more honest than that: stop pretending this still fulfills you the way you wish it did.

So the avoided truth here is simple but uncomfortable:

you’re not confused—you’re attached.

and what you’re attached to may not be aligned with your long-term peace.

Because the Nine of Coins is already waiting on the other side of that honesty.

Pile 2

Seven of Cups + Seven of Wands + Three of Swords

This is the kind of spread that doesn’t confuse you—it clears the fog by force.

The Seven of Cups is where the avoidance starts: too many possibilities, too many “maybe’s,” too many scenarios you’ve been running in your head to avoid choosing one real, grounded truth. It’s fantasy, projection, wishful thinking… and also emotional overwhelm disguised as hope. Part of you has been staying here because reality feels more final than imagination.

Then the Seven of Wands shows up like your inner defense system. You know something doesn’t feel right, but instead of letting that truth land, you’ve been bracing against it. Justifying, arguing with yourself, staying in positions that require you to “prove” your feelings are valid instead of listening to them. It’s protective—but it’s also exhausting.

And then the Three of Swords cuts through both of those layers without ceremony. This is the truth you’ve been circling: something hurts because it’s not aligned, not because you’re missing a piece of information. There’s disappointment here. A letdown. A moment, dynamic, or realization that doesn’t match what you hoped it would be.

The emotional truth you’ve been avoiding isn’t just “this hurts”—it’s “this is real, and I can’t think my way out of that.”

Put together, the message is blunt but honest:

you already know what isn’t working… you’ve just been trying to imagine a version of it that doesn’t hurt to accept.

The shift this spread asks for isn’t more analysis or more defending your position—it’s letting yourself stop negotiating with what you already feel.

Pile 3

Knight of Swords + Nine of Coins + Ten of Wands (reversed)

This one has a very clear emotional “snap out of it” energy.

The Knight of Swords is the part of you that already knows the truth and wants to act on it fast. But it can also show mental spiraling—rushing thoughts, sudden realizations, or saying “I’m done” internally one moment and second-guessing it the next. There’s urgency here, like your mind is trying to outrun your feelings.

Then the Nine of Coins comes in again like a grounded reminder: there is a version of you that doesn’t need to chase, prove, or overextend yourself to feel secure. It points to independence, stability, and self-respect—especially the kind that comes from not being emotionally over-invested in situations that drain you.

And the Ten of Wands reversed is the release you’ve been resisting. This is burnout being acknowledged. It’s the truth that you’ve been carrying something emotionally, mentally, or even relationally that you were never meant to hold alone—or maybe not meant to hold at all anymore. Reversed, it’s the moment you start putting it down, even if only internally at first.

The Knight of Swords wants clarity. The Nine of Coins wants peace. The Ten of Wands reversed says you only get both when you stop forcing yourself to endure what’s already past its limit.

Put together, the avoided truth is:

you’re exhausted from something you keep trying to “figure out” when what you actually need is to stop carrying it.

This isn’t about rushing into action—it’s about noticing how long you’ve been trying to power through something your body and emotions are already done with.

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[charnel-grounds]

Agostino Arrivabene (b. 1967), “Lucifero”

encausto on antique wood, 2020

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