#sides angst

[sandersidess]

Virgil: [crying] You didn’t lose anything!

Patton: Apparently, I lost you.

[rosiemissfandomchaos]

who is this “Breakdown Sanders“ and why does he exactly look like Thomas

[sandersidess]

Patton, to Logan: Please, don’t chase me anymore, unless you’re ready to catch me

[sandersidess]

when i was your man

I hope y’all enjoy sweet angst because i listened to this song almost ten times

tw: angst, heartbreak, no happy ending really, ask to tag

Pairing: Past Logicality, Present Royality

-

Logan looks at the newlywed couple, being able to see the smiles on their face.

They were in love, were in their own bubble as they danced to their song. Staring into each other’s eyes, small smiles on their face. His black and red suit matched well with the husband’s white and baby blue suit. People gushed about how they were the sweetest couple ever, a fairytale come to reality. Two princes getting married in what can be described in a royal wedding.

Logan ignored the look he got from his friend, he ignored the hand on his shoulder, he ignored the voice next to him. He could only keep his eyes on the white and baby blue suit. He could only hate himself for letting his pride and ego get the best of him. He lost a wonderful man, a wonderful person who brought smiles and life into his, and he only trashed it.

The memories came back to him, everything seemed like a punch to him. How Patton kissed him, how he held his hand, how he brought him silly gifts and took him to silly dates. It was his style. One would love it, would appreciate the effort he put in their three year long relationship. One would’ve asked him to marry him on the spot, and cherish him for the rest of their lives.

Yet, he didn’t do that. He only pushed him away, put all his time on his work, cancel dates and return nothing as compensation. All he did was break their heart, break their trust and their faith in love.

Until he met Roman. Roman was always there for him, and though he didn’t like Logan much, he respected him. Roman was there for Patton, comforting him after the breakup. He held him, let him vent, let him cry on his chest. He was there while Patton brought himself back, build himself back into the man he is today. After a year, Roman asked Patton out.

Patton agreed.

They did everything Logan didn’t do with Patton; go out dancing, go out on silly dates, bake and cook together, cuddle at nights, kiss, hold hands, talk through their problems, move in together, start a life. After another year, Roman popped the question. Patton didn’t hesitate, he said yes before Roman asked.

Logan didn’t appreciate anything until after the breakup, after he realized how empty his life was. He hated himself for not even bringing flowers to him. He hated himself for not appreciating him. For not loving him.

Now, it was too late.

He was getting married to Roman.

When he got the invite, Patton went personally. They both just stared at each other, Patton holding the invite in his hand, engagement ring shining thanks to the sun. Logan opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Patton gives a sad smile, still having feelings for his ex, but he truly was happy now.

“Come to my wedding. After all, we were friends.”

Logan numbly accepts the invitation, seeing him leave and get in his car and drive off. He opened the envelope, staring at the invitation. He threw it on the ground once inside, locking himself away for three days. It wasn’t until last minute he called to say he was going, tears rolling down his cheeks as he did.

Now, here he was at the ceremony. The ceremony rolled by, and he saw how truly bright Patton’s smile was. How his eyes shined brighter than any star, how the way his eyes squinted when he was crying meant they were happy tears, how he spoke in the softest tone ever meant he was madly in love. He could see Roman reciprocated those feelings, how Roman truly did love Patton. He could see that Roman would take care of him until their dying breath.

Now, he was at the reception. The newlyweds were dancing, finishing it with a tender kiss. Logan’s breath hitches, and the tears were now brimming. He set down his cup, turning away as everybody clapped. He kept his back facing towards them, ignoring the voice once more. He walked towards the back, grabbing his coat and he saw the guest book. A book for them to write wishes for the married couple. Logan picked up the pen, taking his time and left, not looking back.

Take care of Patton. Appreciate the things he does for you. Appreciate his jokes. Appreciate every single detail he puts when cooking or planning a date. Love him. Cherish him, Roman. I know you will, but this is just a reminder. Also, his favorite flowers are sunflowers.

Patton, I only wish the best for you. I wish you endless happiness. I hope he buys you flowers, that he gives you his hours, that he takes you dancing. You too, cherish Roman. Be happy. Have a nice life.

[sandersidess]

tw: angst

***

Roman shouts in pain and groans, falling onto the ground after he was thrown against a thin separator. He pants and clutches onto his shoulder, looking to his sides and then behind him. He hears his brothers footsteps and slowly looks in front of him. There stood his younger brother, a look of malice in his eyes.

“Logan, oh fuck, Logan,” Roman gasps out and groans in pain as he lays his head back down.

He grits his teeth and screams behind his teeth as he was thrown against another divider and punches the ground. He gasps and claws at Logan’s hand as he was choked, staring at him in disbelief. He could feel the hate, the anger, the malice coming off his brother. He coughs as Logan got up and could feel tears pooling up.

“You don’t know me,” Logan pants out and spits next to him, “You never did, and you never will.” He starts walking towards the door and stops as he hears Roman speak.

“Logan, you walk out that door, don’t you ever come back,” Roman pants and stares at the ceiling, “Don’t you ever consider me your brother in your life.”

Roman laid there in disbelief as Logan walks out, a tear slowly rolling down his cheek.

[sandersidess]

Roman sighs as he lays down in bed, listening to the songs he sang with Logan. He covers his eyes with his arm, gritting his teeth as the memories hurt. The memories of singing with him hurt his heart, and he didn’t know why he tortured himself this way.

[sandersidess]

Talking to the Moon (Hurts like Hell)

tw: heartbreak, death, death in military, military funeral (I know little to nothing about military funerals, so I kept description minimal), no happy ending really just a happy flashback, ask to tag

Ship: Logince, Moxiety, Analogical brothers, Platonic everything else

Characters: Deceit (Damian), Remy, Logan, Roman, Patton, Virgil, OC

tag (the ones who seemed interested): @that-smol-tired-gay @kaioanxiety @leslygvm @tssidesfamily @the-uk-is-jk @unlikelynightmareconnoisseur @timespinner1 @royalnerd829 @thecreatorontmblr

-

Roman looks around, seeing he’s walking down an aisle. A church aisle. He stops, surveying the area and sees a mirror close by, slowly walking over. He walked almost cautiously, scared he would break something or himself. Once in front, he saw himself wearing a pure white suit, save for the maroon tie.

“Roman. You’re finally here.”

-

Roman gasps as he wakes up, panting hard, tears rolling his cheeks. He felt like he couldn’t move, the dream having been so vivid. He could hear him, feel his presence there with him. He looks to his left, and it was empty. The bed was still neatly done, not even the pillow shifted. He runs a hand down it slowly, afraid to move it for a moment. It had to stay perfect, the pillows had to stay the way it was, it had to stay smooth.

Roman checks the hour, seeing he had only one hour to get ready and had to leave no later than said hour. Today was the day, and while he was nervous, he had to move on with it. He grabs his phone, dialing a number and places his arm on his forehead.

“Hello?”

“Hey. I need you.”

Roman fixes his tie, sighing shakily as he walked into the church. He looks around, seeing family members, friends, acquaintances, people he knew. He sees Virgil and Patton, walking over to him. They were talking in hush whispers, Patton being the first to look up. Patton tapped on Virgil’s shoulder and they both went towards Roman.

“Roman...”

“Hug me.”

With that, they both wrapped their arms around Roman. He let out a breath he was holding in, shaky and unsteady. He grips onto their jackets and tears up, gritting down on his teeth.

“Roman-“

“Just hug me.”

They stay quiet, Virgil separating when he needed to tend to the people coming. Patton kept his arms around Roman, leading him to the front. Roman shook his head, not wanting to look. It was too much.

“I can’t, Patton,” Roman grips onto his shoulder, looking down at his shoes.

“Let’s sit. We still need to wait for the priest,” Patton informs him and leads him to the pews, letting him sob on his shoulder. He rubbed his back, seeing the people going up towards the front.

-

“What are you doing?”

“Talking to the moon.”

“Why? It won’t respond.”

“I know, but she’s a beauty. Just look at her.”

“She sure is a beauty.”

-

Roman runs his hand over the smooth wood, looking at the flower. He lets out a shaky sigh, opening the lid slowly, Damian and Remy standing behind him. Roman had his eyes closed, taking deep breaths to control himself. He opens them slowly, looking down at the person laying there.

“Logan.”

He covers his mouth, trying to keep his composure. He takes in a deep breath and blows it out, feeling fresh tears well up.

“Oh god, Logan,” He whimpers out and wipes away his tears, eyes now puffy and red, “Logan.”

He strokes his cheek, seeing his peaceful looking face. Roman shook his head, not wanting to believe this was his husband.

“Please come back, my love. Please,” Was what he could whimper out besides his name.

-

“How long?”

“14 months, possibly more but it shouldn’t be more than two years.”

“Logan, I’m terrified.”

“Hey, I’ll come back. I always do, don’t I?”

“You better come back.”

“I will, mi amor. I promise.”

“Te amo.”

“Te amo también.”

-

Roman was holding onto Virgil’s hand as they handed him the flag. He let go, taking it gently and holds it delicately. He looks down at it, then back up at Damian and Remy.

They were both close to Logan, having gone through the training and boot camp together. They’ve known each other since diapers. They’ve been through hell and back. They were all in combat, they’ve tended to each other’s injury. It was Damian who saw Logan take his last breath, while Remy could feel it under his hands as he put pressure on the wounds. Seeing them keep their composure at this delicate time, with everything they saw, Roman could only imagine how difficult it was for them.

He looks down once more, closing his eyes and tried to imagine Logan next to him. At their house. In bed. Together.

Not at his funeral. Not at the cemetery. Not where they were surrounded by many. Not this.

Roman opens his eyes as the trumpets play, and he was at the verge of breaking down. He didn’t want to be there anymore. He wanted to be home, where all of their things were at.

He did not want to read the headstone he had to get for Logan.

‘CPT. Logan Alexander Sanders

Beloved husband, father, brother, mentor, soldier, and friend.

July 12, 1981-December 20, 2019’

-

“Is this the home of Captain Logan Alexander Sanders?”

“Yes, I’m his husband.”

Roman knew why they were here, but he didn’t want to believe it. Everything went mute to Roman when they confirmed it, covering his mouth as he cried, screamed, holding onto the door handle for support.

“No! No he can’t be dead!”

“We’re very sorry for your loss.”

Roman sobs and shakes his head, screaming at the pain he felt once more. Virgil was outside when he heard the screams, running over and froze when he saw them.

“No. No. This isn’t real.”

Virgil shook his head, falling down onto the grass and grips his hair. His brother. His baby brother.

Logan was killed during active duty.

This was the day before Christmas, when Roman was preparing his come back.

-

Roman gently placed the frame over his chimney, next to Logan’s picture. He backs away, looking around his now home. He felt alone. He felt cold. He felt scared. He wanted Logan. He wanted to be held. He wanted to be reassured he’s safe. He wanted his protection.

He wraps his arms over himself, trying to imagine Logan’s slender but toned arms around him.

“You broke your promise,” Roman whispered into the air, “You didn’t come home,” walking to his bedroom and laid down.

-

“How does it feel to be Mr. Sanders now?”

“You’re a little cocky, huh?”

“Ecstatic, really.”

“It feels amazing. Mr. and Mr. Sanders.”

“Roman Carlos Sanders. Fun initials.”

“Is that what you’re really thinking about?”

“Well, it is you, so yes.”

“...”

“Roman?”

“I fucking love you, dork.”

Logan laughs in response and Roman just watches him as if he was the most beautiful star. His heart fluttered even more, and he was falling for him all over again.

-

Roman sat up on their roof, looking up at the moon. He stared up it, seeing how she shone brighter than ever. No need for much light, the moon was bright enough. Even the stars seemed brighter, seeming to twinkle and were putting on a show. The whole night sky was littered with stars, making Roman stare in awe.

A gust of wind brought him back, and he looks at the moon once more. He swallows back his tears and gives a shaky smile.

“I know you’re somewhere up there,” He whispers softly, “Logan, I love you. I never...I never got to tell you one more time. I love you, Logan. I love you.”

He fists up his hands, wiping away any stray tears. He soon remembered something, letting out a small chuckle.

“Take care of our, little Thomas. I hope you two are together and I’ll see you one day.”

He felt a gust of wind once more, but it was a gentle blow, as if wanting to envelop him in a hug. Roman gives a small smile, walking down to his room.

-

“Logan!”

Roman laughs as Logan picks him up, spinning him around. He squeals as Logan picks him up bridal style, a bright smile on both of their faces. Roman stares into those dark eyes, which would always hold mystery but they also help compassion. Empathy. Love. Curiosity. It held the secrets of the universe.

“You’re staring, my rose.”

“How can I not? You’re just dashing, sunflower.”

“Flattery will only get you in bed quicker.”

“Is that a promise?”

Logan laughs this time, setting Roman down and cups his cheek. Roman leaned into his warmth and smiles softly. The calm winds blew through them, the sounds of waves crashing was calming, birds singing or chirping. Logan kisses Roman’s forehead, and Roman hums at the warmth.

“Together forever.”

“Together forever, my rose.”

[sandersidess]

Tried Intervention

TW: Drug mention, Drug addiction, Death mention, Death threat, No happy ending, ask to tag

Characters: Patton, Logan, Emile, Deceit (named Dolos), Nate, OC Boyfriend, and friends

tag: @pllandcompany

@pursuingconsonance​ sent me a pm of a video from Private Practice, and it inspired me to write this. Head the warnings, and if anything, let me know if I should tag something else. Again, sorry for any typos

                                                          -

Patton watched as Logan stood there, hair tousled, hands shaking and seeming to pull on their fingers, eyeliner smudged under the waterline, eyes shifting around and seeming scared. The man he walked in with, his boyfriend, seemed much calmer but he knew that wasn’t the case. The boyfriend was only better at managing because he has been doing this for years, but even he had shifty eyes and was holding Logan close to him.

“Logan, what’s wrong with you?”

Patton knew the answer already, but he needed to hear it from Logan. He needed to hear his ex-brother-in-law say those words, to admit to his wrongdoing. Logan didn’t respond, instead wrapping his arms around his boyfriend and gripped onto the leather jacket.

“You’re using again, aren’t you?”

Patton looks over to their old friend, who was staring in disbelief as Logan just shifted his eyes away and mumbled in the boyfriend’s chest. Patton sat down, needing to take it all in. He couldn’t believe this, and just the thought of having to tell his ex-husband about his brother was too much.

“We’re getting married.”

With that, Patton’s head snaps up, seeing Logan now facing the group of people and was staring at the ground. Logan was definitely back on opioids, after two years clean, he relapsed. Logan, his best friend, and a little brother to him had not only relapsed but is now marrying his equally drug-addicted boyfriend.

“No, you’re not,” Emile stands up, shaking his head and walks over, glaring at the boyfriend, “You get out of here. He’s got to go, now. Leave.”

“Ryan and I are getting married,” Logan says in a low voice, which was cracked, “We are getting married soon. Do not speak to him like that,” He lays his head on his chest, keeping a hand on his shoulder.

“Logan, you won’t get sober if you stay with him,” Another colleague speaks up, standing up and slowly walks over, “You need to leave him.”

“Shut up,” Logan glares at them, “You shut up. You know nothing about us.”

“Listen,” Dolos stands up also, letting out a sigh, “Logan’s addiction isn’t Ryan’s fault. If Ryan wants to get sober too, then we can help him. Ryan, this is an offer you shouldn’t give up,” Dolos looks at Ryan, who was just looking away and down at Logan, keeping him close.

“No, no we are not,” Emile shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair, “We will not be helping the person who did this to him.”

“We are not here for Ryan,” Patton finally speaks up, walking over quickly, “We are here for Logan. He is our main focus.”

“But if Logan gets sober with someone he loves, then it will make the recovery much smoother and he will want to get involved with the program,” Dolos interjects and lowers the hand he had put up, “There is research on this, guys come on, back me up.”

Patton tuned him out, staring at Ryan’s wrist as he had his arm around Logan’s shoulders. He frowns, taking two steps forward as he recognized that watch. He couldn’t believe his eyes, looking at Ryan and then at Logan with an agape mouth, storming over and grabbed his wrist. Ryan moved back, glaring at Patton and Logan just kept his eyes down,

“You gave him the watch?” Patton whispers, grabbing Logan’s chin and made him look into his eyes, “Logan, look at me. You gave him your father’s watch?!”

“Do not touch me,” Logan roughly shoves away his arm, glaring at him and steps away, “It’s just an engagement present.”

“It’s your father’s watch!” Patton exclaims, wide-eyed and pinched  the bridge of his nose, “You don’t just give that away!”

“Leave me alone,” Logan walks off and grabs his jacket and bag.

“Just let him be-“

“This is none of your business!” Patton raises his voice at Ryan, shoving his hand away from  him, “I am talking to my brother!”

“I’m not your brother,” Logan mumbles and grips his jacket in hand, twisting it.

Patton grabs Ryan’s arms and raises up his wrist, showing the watch on him, “You do not just give this away! This is from your mother! Do you know how this will make her feel?! Logan, say something!”

Logan stumbles with his words, looking between Patton and Ryan, giving a small shrug in response. Patton was getting irritated, but his concern over Logan was also growing. This was not normal, and he needed Logan to realize this. To give away a watch of big importance, this wasn’t Logan. This was someone else.

“I’m sorry, but what does that watch have to do with all this? What is the significance of it?”

They all look over at the female colleague who spoke up, and Logan once more just shrugs. He shakes his head and looks at them,

“It’s just a watch. It’s nothing.”

“Say the truth, Logan,” Patton places his hands on his hip, tapping his fingers on them as he held his composure.

“Fine,” Logan clears his throat, “My mother gave it to my father for their anniversary-“

“That is not the truth!”

“Patton-“

“Emile, you and I both know that is not the truth,” Patton raises a finger to stop him talking and turns towards the group, “Two guys came into his father’s store when he was little-“

“You shut up!” Logan stomped over and grabbed Patton by his arm, gritting his teeth, “You shut up! You do not tell that story! That is not your story to tell!” He yells at him, Ryan stepping forward and grabbed Logan.

Everybody stared at Logan in shock, seeing how he had reacted angrily to Patton of all people. Patton just stood there, knowing this would happen.

“He was not your dad! He was my dad! My dad!” Logan cries tears started to edge up and soon down his cheeks, “You shut your mouth! Shut up!” Logan starts to fight against Ryan, trying to go after Patton in a fit of rage and despair, “You stupid, ignorant, monster bitch! You do not tell that story!” Logan cries on Ryan’s shoulder, Ryan trying to control Logan, “You do not ever tell that story!”

Ryan places a hand on the back of Logan’s head and rocking him gently as he kept crying, trying his best to keep him calm as Logan just cried, sobbing almost at this point. Logan grips onto Ryan, looking at Patton over his shoulder, tears now smudging his makeup and showing his dark bags,

“You ever tell that story, and I will kill you with my bare hands! I will kill you, Patton!”

That made Patton back up a step, eyes wide once more at the words. Logan had never gotten this bad, but he was over the edge. He opened his mouth to speak, but Logan was begging Ryan to leave. Ryan just nodded, kissing his head and led him to the elevator.

“Logan, stay, please.”

Logan sniffles, pressing the down button and looks at Nate, eyes blank at this point. He scoffs, letting out a sarcastic chuckle.

“Nate, I will never, ever, love you back,” He sniffles and raises an eyebrow, “You know that, right?”

Logan didn’t wait for a response, stepping in the elevator and Ryan is behind him. He looks back at Patton, letting out a small sigh.

“It’s nice to see you all,” He nods, “Hope to see you all again once everything is calm.”

With that, he steps in the elevator with Logan, pressing the button to close the door. Patton just watches as the doors shut, last seeing Logan’s dark glare as tears still fell.