#social rules

[teaboot]

dawg it’s not a great look for you as a security guard to joke about a blind guy being a criminal just cuz he was @ the wrong door

I mean that isn't what happened but I get what you mean, if I had been doing that then it would have been a pretty shitty move

My intended focus what the response to my response- the immediate recognition of a personal error? Cause like. I answer the wrong email thread constantly at work, to the point that my coworkers have a very distinct tone when broaching it to me

The only reason I even mentioned his disability was because it was relevant to the context- its kinda hard to mistake an emergency door from a main door unless you can't read the sign, you know?

So to be clear, I was laughing at a man with a disability, but not cause of his disability, or the error he made BECAUSE of his disability, but just. Like. The delivery of his exasperation. Like... "Ah,fuck". A mood I can appreciate. You know

And I COULD have changed details of the story so that it happened with someone who DIDNT have a disability- pretended it was dark or something, or that it was a stranger wandering into the wrong area from inside- but that felt kinda shitty? To erase that there was a guy who was disabled who made a relatable mistake in public?

Like I could totally be wrong here, please correct me if I am, but I felt like avoiding any social contact or association with people posessing physical disabilities would be worse in the long run, so I just. Wrote what happened how it happened

[saminthea]

It's WILD learning about social rules from other places and families.

In my family it's a given that if there's a couple they'll be sitting in the same row in the car. If one of them is driving the other gets shotgun unless someone else really really needs it.

I pay a lot of attention to who's driving and who's tagging along because I always go out to the car first.

The other day my partner and I and my little brother were all driving somewhere together. I get in the back seat and expect my partner to join me because my brother said he was driving.

My partner stops. In the pouring rain. Next to the passenger front seat. Clearly unsure of what to do. I tell them to come around and inquire.

Apparently where they're from it's rude to have no one in the passenger seat because it's treating the driver like a chauffeur! I explain the assumption in my family is different. My little brother is *baffled* because he's never thought about it and never realized there *were* "rules" around seat placement. We all go and have dinner a little bit more the wiser.

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Autistic Traits Becoming More Disabling Over Time

neurodivergent_lou

[stupid-elf]

Growing up with strict, neurodivergent parents while neurodivergent yourself will have you as an adult acting like you've recently escaped the feywild. What are the tricky rules? Is everything accounted for? How do I ensure I don't accidentally step over the line into Impoliteness. You know the consequences aren't death and dismemberment but you might look down one day and find you've lost your shadow and all of your friends if you're not careful

[crvngefrvll]

Yk what? Imma just resay this and see if people can now read better.

People being a-spec and EXPRESSING that they are actually a-spec= automatic relationship/romantic rejection.

(Not applicable in case of being followed/harmed/trying to escape a dangerous situation. We all know should have known this, how many times do I HAVE to clarify INDIVIDUALLY to you guys?)

I don't understand why when we say that we are ace/demi/aego/etc, it automatically means that we are rejecting them. We can still have (queerplatonic) relationships even if we are ace/demi/aro/a-spec.

[love-ardour-anarchism]

manipulation is a social construct i think a lot of neurodivergent people struggle with thinking themselves to be manipulative in social situations and i've been thinking about why

manipulation is a social construct society tends to think of manipulation as a bad, malicious and evil thing what is manipulation? most people would probably define it as "trying to impact a person or situation indirectly or covertly / without expressive open statement"

and societally agreed is: thats bad. ... ... ... ... unless its polite unless its an agreed upon (never spoken, never stated, never affirmed) social rule that a specific kind of manipulation is okay and actually good and expected of you.

i think a lot of neurodivergent people take the literal / textbook definition of "manipulation" and then find themselves thinking that any indirect or covert attempt to impact a situation or person is that: manipulation = bad.

but society is so contradictory that it simply chooses to ignore the definition that it itself wrote and coined.

manipulation is bad. being indirect is bad. unless being direct is impolite or rude. unless a social script that would, by textbook definition, be considered manipulation, is considered good and polite.

and sometimes its polite and good UNTIL you get caught. sometimes its considered good and polite as long as you're good enough at concealing your attempts to indirectly and covertly impact situations and people but then if you get caught it was, per definition, always bad that you did that (until the next time when you're expected to attempt the same thing again and try to not get caught again).

[autisticlee]

I always try to explain all the nuances of my situation to people who insist on giving advice. because if they dont know, how can they help the best possible way? for some reason, however, explaining that upsets them every time??? it makes them feel "dismissed" and like i'm ignoring their advice and not even trying. I dont feel like it should be my responsibility to make them feel good when they claim to want to help me? if their advice doesnt work for me or isnt helpful, i'm trying to help them help me. but instead it all gets turned around. i've been told that it IS my responsibility to help them instead by making them feel good, and putting my problems aside in that moment. because thats why they're giving advice, to feel good about themselves and not actually help. (at least one person was honest about it i guess) so i'm supposed to accept i dont get any help and tell them they were helpful anyway and that i'll do what they say and thanks.

no offense, but sounds like a pointless conversation to me. sounds a bit goofy /neg. but apparently it's actually an important thing to form and continue relationships? to let them make themselves feel good using your pain and struggles? is that really a real social rule? sounds fake. seems really odd to me. but thats what people keep telling me! it's so confusing and counterproductive imo. if you want to feel good, cant it be some other way instead? tell me about a thing you accomplished and i'll tell you how proud I am! that makes more sense and is easier. it's hard to expect me to make you feel good while i'm in the middle of struggling, i'm sorry 😭