#source: kurtis conner

[bambinafangirls]

luke: after the wedding, penelope and i are going on a sex field trip!

garcia: can i pre-divorce you?

[mysteriousdoll]

Codotverse Incorrect Jokes the second

I can’t help it, @voiceboss has infected my brain, he’s all I hear. (But fr tho no other Riddler voice sounds right, he’s objectively the right one-)

Jon: Just tell us what yer doin’ so you can go ram your head through someone else’s house!

Edward: He is being an idiot, Jonathan. Kind of like yourself just for asking what Alastor is doing.

Jon: Every time I fight, it just gets worse. This has got to run its course, Ed!

Alastor: ANYWAYS. The plan is to create a tune so loud that I explode!

Edward: Bravo, Alastor. That was stupider than I thought it was going to be.

Jon: Whaddya mean? Like a sonic boom? You can’t achieve that because attempting it alone would rupture your vocal cords.

Jervis: It sounds like you should get a new ambition, Alastor.

Alastor: No, I don’t want a new ambition, I like this one!

Edward: Just let him kill himself, Jervis!

Jon: He can’t even kill himself that way, he would need, at least, 17,000 kilojoules of theoretical energy to even maintain that note.

Alastor: So you’re saying it can be done?

Jon: No.

Alastor: Those are my favorite odds!

-

Alastor: Just go! I’m worthless! Leave my house and never come back!

Jon: No!

Edward: What do you mean no?! What’d you do that for?!

Jon: …I dunno- he told me what to do! He’s not the boss!

-

Edward: Jonathan, will you tell Joker to shut up?

Jon: Shut the fuck up, Joker, you’re a fucking asshole.

-

Jon: Is that where you’re gonna sit?

Edward: I’m driving, where else would I sit?

Jon: Trunk.

-

Jon: I… think I may have found a project of Oz’ I can get behind doing. Helping these cats and dogs. They should be rewarded for not being people.

Jon, softly, to a dog: I hate people.

-

Jon: Would you shut up for a second??

Edward: Would you get an education for a second?

Jon: Shut up! I’m tryna listen-

Edward: To what? All I hear is your horrendous mouth breathing.

-

Edward: How did none of you hear what I just said?!

Harvey: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.

Jervis: I got distracted about halfway through.

Alastor: I got too lost in your eyes to hear what you said.

Jon: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

-

Edward: Oopsie, did you decide you wanted some??

Jon: Did you decide you wanted to shut the fuck up?

-

Jon: Look I’m tryna be fuckin’ nice here.

Edward: You know I don’t like spicy food!

-

Jervis: If you were to vacuum jello through a metal tube… well, I think that would be a neat noise.

Edward: I beg to differ.

Jervis: Then beg.

-

Jervis: You two don’t understand! My Alice and I are meant to be! We’re designated basherts!

Jon: Didju drink a thesaurus this morning? I don’t know what you’re saying…

Edward: Not that we don’t support your little dreams and all, but you’re really annoying us, so we’re gonna go ahead and hit you.

-

Waylon: What’re you hosing there, Jonny?

Jon: Jervis won’t leave so I’m spraying him with dirty brown water.

-

Edward: Is this whiskey or perfume?

Jon: (takes it, drinking all of it)

Jon: It’s perfume.

-

Edward: And I was like racking my brain on how someone like this could even exist— and then I found out, he’s from Metropolis.

-

Waylon: Don’t feel bad. You were just tryna do somethin’ nice for a friend, and it exploded in your face. Rather spectacularly.

Edward: Everything I do is spectacular. It’s a curse.

[lab-trash]

Oliver: Kaz doesn't even know what capitalism is.

Kaz: Who, me? It’s when you start your sentence with the big letter.

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

Mindfang: All this? 8etween us? It's strictly 8usiness. It's not a ticket to pry into places you don't 8elong. Dualscar: like your heart, you mean? Mindfang: See, like that. Just stop. Dualscar: Sorry, Mindfang. Guess I'll MIND my owwn FANG-ing business.

[the-gays-ever]

Riley:I’m gonna speak in yu-gi-oh terms for a second Riley: fuck this movie

[paperuniverse]

"You can't just sue people you don't like. If that were true, I'd be sending a cease and desist to the son of a bitch who invented Monday" - South Italy

[r2in2p]

John Walker: *walks in the compound* Y/N celebrating: YAY IT'S THE UGLY LITTLE BACKYARD SHIT GOBLIN!!!

[incorrect-malfoys]

Bellatrix: Talk about my emotions? I'd rather fake my own death