supernatural s14e12 prophet and loss (w. brad buckner, eugenie ross-leming)
feel like i'm just grinding through s14 at a decent pace. several times now they've made me had minor (to moderate) breakdowns and i just want to keep plowing through because i don't want the breakdowns to last more than one day 🫠 been a long time since a season made me cry so much. and especially with mid-season episodes? but it feels more.... hm. calculated. like when i bitched about 4 months suddenly equals 40 years in hell etc.
ranted about it in 9x09 because i don't think i was making my feelings known here for every episode back in s4
instead i just sighed because “trust me, kevin” and “i always end up screwed :)” so now dean’s gonna feel guilty. he’s already feeling guilty enough, did we need that too? when they push too hard on the excessive dean whump, i get annoyed. like the whole 4 months=40 years, i enjoyed torturing people, etc. edgelord bullshit :P
except instead of getting mad about it being edgelord bullshit now, i'm just feeling brokenhearted and manipulated. very not fun times. it's too much too close together to the jack thing and too similar to things they've done in the past, i think. is why it's pushing me away so hard.
dean's nightmare in the box / suicidal deathbed-esque convo also with interstellar-ish music / interstellar cornfield chase (c. hans zimmer) played by anna lapwood on the organ
well. dean's nightmare was awful. shades of him in hell calling out for sam. cannot fucking wait until this particular plotline gets snuffed out. and because i can't deal with not comparing this interstellar-ish music (it's in both spn scenes) i tacked it on to the end of this video too.
SAM
Oh, hey. Didn’t mean to wake you. Sorry.
DEAN
No, it’s just a… bad dream. It’s fine.
SAM
You want to talk about it?
DEAN
No, I’m – No, I’m okay.
DEAN
What’re you doing? Why don’t you get some sleep?
SAM
You know, Dean, you don’t have to act like what you’re planning to do is just business as usual. I-I know you’re scared.
DEAN
Never said I wasn’t scared. But it doesn’t matter.
SAM
Doesn’t matter? We know we could die, uh, doing what we do. It’s always a possibility. But what you’re talking about is far worse than death. Michael’s an archangel. He could literally keep you buried in a coffin, alive, forever.
DEAN
Okay. I get it. But what’s the other option, huh? Michael gets outta my head and ends the world? ‘Cause it’s all right there in Billie’s book.
SAM
Yeah, but that’s only if we don’t find another way to take Michael off the board, and there has to be another way.
DEAN
And what is that other way?
[SAM says nothing.]
DEAN
Exactly.
(but at least he wasn't sleeping in his jeans this time. oh and they're in an actual normal mid-price generic hotel room)
this reminds me a lot of the conversations in s5 about sammy going in the cage.
and like when i was watching the old guard, i'm like ah yes, stuck in a coffin in the ocean drowning over and over because you're immortal - i have heard this story before! on the vampire diaries! someone... stefan?? was stuck in a ...... safe? and pushed into a lake to repeatedly die and revive. 500 years and 3 months, respectively.
well this rando dude torturing and drowning a woman scene, also awful. jesus. we're committing to darker-than-usual i guess
CAS
Sam. Maybe if I spoke with Dean…
SAM
It wouldn’t matter. Believe me, I-I I’ve never seen him like this. He won’t listen to me. H-He just – No. If we don’t find some way… Dean’s gone.
that interstellar-ish music again...
DEAN
You ever think about when we were kids?
SAM
Maybe. Yeah, sure. Sometimes. W-Why?
DEAN
I know I wasn’t always the greatest brother to you.
SAM
Dean, you were the one who was always there for me. The only one. I mean, you practically raised me.
DEAN
I know things got dicey… you know, with dad… the way he was. And I just… I didn’t always look out for you the way that I should’ve. I mean, I had my own stuff, you know. In order to keep the peace, it probably looked like I took his side quite a bit. Sometimes when I was… when I was away, you know it wasn’t ‘cause I just ran out, right? Dad would… he would send me away when I really pissed him off. I think you knew that.
SAM
Man, I left that behind a long time ago. I had to. And if we’re gonna get through this, I-I have to do like you said and… try and keep my mind off of where we’re going. So, if we could not have conversations that sound like… deathbed apologies, I would really appreciate it.
DEAN
Right. Yeah.
listen i know this gets resolved somehow and i'm not gonna bail on this fucking project with a little more than a season left but i can't express how much i don't want to watch something that's making me cry so hard my head is killing me (more than it was already) on a regular basis. this is too many things that cut too close to home with characters i'm too attached to. sigh.
