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Heavy is the Head Chapter 4: Bring My Probie Back in One Piece

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“You okay Cruz?” Severide asks as Cruz makes his way into the locker room.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he says, and barely manages to stifle a yawn. The truth of the matter is, he’s exhausted. Brian was up all night crying for one thing or another. He and Chloe had tried taking turns going to take care of his needs, but it ended up just being both of them doing everything together, and every time they’d be almost asleep again he’d start crying again.

“If you need more time off to be with Chloe and the baby, just say so,” Severide says standing up and buttoning the first botton on his polo shirt.

“I’m fine to be back,” Cruz insists.

“So how does it feel being a dad?” Herrmann asks him as he walks into the common room to fill up on coffee.

“Exhausting,” Joe replies, making a b-line for the coffee pot. He loves little baby Brian with everything he’s got, but he just wants like five minutes of peace and quiet, and it’s definitely bad when the station is more quiet and peaceful than home.

Herrmann laughs and raises his coffee cup. “Get ready for the long haul!”

Cruz groans. “I just don’t understand how he can cry that much without getting tired! Or-or like running out of tears! Or just getting sick of crying?! Like how does he do it?”

“Aw, he takes after you,” Herrmann teases, and Joe can see Gallo in the corner of his eye spit his coffee out in an attempt not to choke on it as he laughs.

“That was uncalled for!” Joe protests weakly, too tired to really put much energy into getting into a ball busting battle with the older firefighter.

“You know I’m kidding,” Herrmann says and actually gets up and walks over to give him a comforting squeeze on the shoulder. “Screamers are no joke. Me and Cindy have had two.”

“How did you survive it?” Joe asks, desperate to find a way to maintain him and his wife’s sanity.

“All babies have something they like, once you find it all your problems are solved,” Herrmann replies. “Some kids like vacuums-”

“How are we supposed to sleep with a vacuum going, Herrmann?”

“I don’t know,” the engine lieutenant shrugs. “But that’s what worked for Lee Henry. Most of the time we’d just run it until he fell asleep and then turn it off. But let me tell you, our floors had never been so clean, and haven't been that clean since he grew out of it.”

“I can record myself singing some lullabies if you want,” Capp offers, and Severide looks temporarily from his crossword puzzle just to give Capp a ‘seriously?’ look.

“Anyone got any better suggestions that don’t involve vacuums or Capp’s singing?” Joe asks, pouring his coffee.

“The baby can’t cry forever, ride it out,” Severide offers, but seems to be kidding.

“You guy’s suck,” Joe sighs, shaking his head. He’s barely taken two sips of his coffee before the tones drop, ending any hope he had of getting filled up on caffeine before the day started.

“Truck 81, Engine 51, Squad three, Ambulance 61, Battalion 25, highrise fire.”

He’s a little tempted to take his coffee with him as soon as he hears what the call is. He’s going to need all the energy he can muster if he’s going to make it through this call.

***

“This is going to be a big one, guys,” Stella announces as they get close to the building. There’s a plume of black smoke rising into the sky and there’s at least three floors on fire and a good 10 more above them that will all need to be evacuated.

“This is one hell of a first fire you got, candidate,” Gallo laughs from the back seat. Stella rolls her eyes; this is easily the biggest fire Gallo’s ever seen, which makes her a little nervous. She and Mouch have seen more than their fair share of big ones, even their fair share of high rise fires. They have experience, but Gallo and Nathan have nothing more than their training in the academy. She’s got an inexperienced crew under her command and that’s dangerous.

“81, you are helping with evacuation on floors , 28, 29, and 30. Take spare air bottles and hotel packs up with you and drop them at floor 24. Squad, you’re doing search on 24. 51, you guys are on fire suppression on floor 27. Engines 18 and 91 are already up there. The plan is to cut it off before it jumps to 28. 61, you’re joining ground triage,” Casey starts belting out orders almost before they’re barely off the trucks. There are already at least two other battalions on scene, and Casey must’ve gotten the details of the plan from the district chief on the drive over. “Tower triage is on floor 20. Elevators are to only be used for victim transport and can not be taken past 20. You guys are hiking.”

“You got it chief,” Stella calls and turns back to her crew. Usually she’d try to fight the order to be stuck with evacuation duty, but today she’s grateful. She doesn’t want to cradle Nathan, but usually candidates have at least a couple big fires under their belts before catching one like this, and she doesn’t know how Nathan will handle himself. So if at all possible she’d rather not send him into the fire floors on this call.

They’ve made it to floor 24 and dropped off their extra air tanks and hose packs when someone from engine 18 comes on the radio.

“Requesting search teams to 27. We’ve got people trapped.”

“Copy that. 81 divert to floor 27 to help with search and rescue,” It’s Casey that responds.

“I guess we are seeing fire today, boys,” Stella says and adjusts the air pack on her back, taking in a deep breath. It’s time to test Nathan’s metal, see if has what it takes

“Kidd, don’t blow out another lung,” Kelly calls to her as she and the rest of 81 start getting ready to pick it up and hike it up to 27.

She shakes her head and lovingly flies him the bird. She thought the days of lung jokes were behind her, but there’s also a hint of seriousness in Kelly’s tone. He’s worried about her, and he means what he just said- and there’s even more behind the words don’t get hurt again. Don’t do that to me.

“And don’t you damage your good looks, they’re the only reason I keep you around,” Stella calls back to him. She knows he knows what she means. It means the same thing his lung comment did.

Kelly laughs and waves her off.

***

“Hey,” Ritter says and skips a couple steps to fall into step with Nathan. His first fire was one like this, and he froze up. The only reason he was able to pick himself back up was because of Mouch; he wants to make sure the same thing doesn’t happen to their newest candidate. “This is probably gonna get scary. My first fire was one of these too. Make sure you remember to breathe and take it one step at a time.”

Nathan smiles appreciatively at him. “Thanks Ritter.”

“If you feel yourself freezing up take a couple breaths and remind yourself why you decided to do this job. You can find a lot of courage there.”

He wishes someone on his crew had told him those things before he ended up clinging to a stair railing like his life depended on it.

“You’re gonna have a blast,” Gallo says, interrupting their meaningful conversation and grabbing both of Nathan’s shoulders. Gallo’s always been a certain degree of crazy that Ritter’s never really been able to understand. Everyone in this job is at least a little crazy, they kind of have to be, but Gallo really goes out of his way to show his crazy side. Everyone gets excited about structure fires, but Gallo seems to lose sight of how deadly they can be, he seems to forget it can very easily kill him, either that or he just doesn’t care. Either way, it always makes Ritter worry about him.

“Ritter, hook up the standpipe,” Herrmann orders as they reach the 27th floor.

“Alright 81, let’s mask up,” Stella announces with her usual amount viger and energy. “It’s time to get to work!”

***

Casey wants to be making the climb to the fire floors along with everyone else at 51, but he’s been put in charge of running things outside and keeping a close eye on what the smoke is doing. The 24th floor seems to be the worst; it’s belching black smoke into the air violently, and he wouldn’t be surprised if rooms on that floor were flashing over. It’s hard to differentiate between it and 25, but it seems to be not as bad.

“Crews on 24 and 25 be advised, smoke is black and rooms could be beginning to flash. Clear those floors as fast as possible,” he says keeping his gaze glued on the building.

“Copy that chief.” it sounds like Severide who replies.

“81 making entry on 27 for search assist.”

Standing on the ground being stuck listening to the radio traffic is the worst feeling in the world. He yearns to be with his people.

“Excuse me, Chief, can we get a couple words on what’s going on?”

Before Casey can even fully register what’s happening there’s a microphone and camera being shoved in his face.

“We have multiple floors on fire, multiple crews inside battling it as well as doing search and rescue,” Casey says; media one oh one is you give them a little something to chew on then send them on their with the promise that a public information officer for the department will come give them more details. “Now I’m going to have to ask you to step back behind the police line. Someone will be over with more details for you soon.”

Thankfully the reporter and her camera man don’t put up a fight.

“You know everyone’s going to have a field day with that,” Sylvie says with a flashy grin as she walks past him. Casey rolls his eyes.

It’s not until a good 25 minutes later that Casey hears Stella over the radio again, amd he stops what he’s doing to listen for a couple seconds

“27’s clear. We’re heading to 28 to help with evacuation.”

“Cruz and Capp heading to 20 with victims.”

“Fire’s almost knocked out on 27.”

“24’s clear, changing air bottles and heading to 25.”

“All units on scene be advised, We’re down two bottles on 24.”

Casey sighs and shifts on his heels before getting back to work directing the firefighters and people moving in and out of the building.

Another half an hour passes before Stella announces that they’re heading down with the people from 28.

***

“Hey, do you hear that?” Nathan asks, stopping Gallo on the landing outside the door to one of the fire floor. They’re supposed to be bringing up the rear of the people being evacuated from the upper floors, but Nathan is pretty sure he can hear a baby crying.

“Hear what?” Gallo asks sceptically.

“It sounds like a baby crying somewhere on the other side of that door-”

“Hey, why are you two just standing around?” Lieutenant Severide demands as he comes to stop on the landing, and slides his air pack off to do an air bottle change. Nathan’s impressed with how quickly he pulls off the switch and has his pack back on his back.

“Marks thought he heard a baby crying,” Gallo explains, gesturing to the door.

Severide raises both eyebrows and glances over his shoulder at the door. “You’re sure?”

“Pretty sure,” Nathan replies, it had sounded like one plain as day, even if Gallo didn’t hear it.

“Better safe than sorry, then I guess. One of you needs to come with me,” Severide says taking his helmet off to put his mask on.

Before Nathan can say anything, Gallo is already volunteering, but Severide stops him.

“Which one of you has more air?”

“I’ve got 20 minutes,” Gallo says and starts taking off his helmet too.

“I’ve got 30,” Nathan says holding up his monitor to show the lieutenant.

“Gallo you keep bringing up the rear.” Severide orders. “Marks, suit up. You’re getting a trial by fire.”

Gallo opens his mouth like he’s going to protest, but thinks better of it and nods to the lieutenant before heading back down the stairs. It’s not until Gallo’s left that Nathan realizes what he’s just signed himself up for. He’s spent months training and doing live burns, but this is the real thing. Beyond the door in front of him and Severide there is no fail safe no quick exit. It’s life or death. It’s a monster that will devour him the first chance it gets.

“Chief, this is Severide. Possible rescue on 24. Marks is coming with me,” Severide says into his radio and then looks to Nathan. “You ready?”

“Yes, sir,” Nathan replies. He’s ready. He’s ready to face the beast.

***

“Did Kelly just say Marks?” Stella demands pulling herself up off the back bumper of 81 where she’s been forced to spend the last 20 minutes rehabbing. She’d made it through two bottles before Sylvie caught her, forced her to take a rest and made sure Casey knew she needed to stay put.

“Yes he did,” Casey says through clenched jaws.

Nathan had done some search and rescue on the 27th and 28th floors, but the fires on those floors had been minimal. It had been agreed upon almost right off the bat that 24 and 25 were to be left to the experienced firefighters.

“Lieutenant Severide, you better bring my probie back to me in one piece,” Stella says into her radio without much forethought.

“Yes, ma’am,” Comes Kelly’s amused reply.

***

“Severide, this door,” Nathan says and taps Kelly’s shoulder, stopping him. “Listen.”

And sure enough he can hear the baby crying too. He’s not exactly sure how it’s still crying. The smoke is low, and it’s even starting to finger all things pointing to an imminent flash over. Anyone not in PPE should be knocked out from smoke inhalation by now.

“Okay, we gotta slip in fast and close the door behind us,” he replies. The last thing this situation needs is more oxygen.

“Got it,” Nathan says and scoots close to the door.

“Opening it now,” Kelly says and reaches up and twists the handle. Nathan dives through the crack and Kelly follows right on top of him and kicks the door closed behind them. The room around them is somehow barely touched with any fire and there’s not smoke either. It’s like stepping into a whole other world.

“It’s coming from over there!” Nathan says pointing to the far corner of the room and moving toward it. He beats Severide there, and stops dead. “Son of a bitch.”

“What?” Severide asks, dread sinking in his gut as he makes his way to the candidate's side.

“It’s a damn toy,” Nathan says holding up a plastic toy. “We risked out lives coming in here for a toy.”

“Hey, you did the right thing. For all we knew it was a real baby. Now let’s get the hell out of here,” Severide says, grabbing the kids shoulder. When he’d Nathan’s angry curse he’d really thought that there was something seriously wrong with the baby, and that it was in fact a real one. It being a toy is really a relief.

“Cancel on that rescue. It was a toy. We’re getting the hell out,” Severide reports before heading back to the door with Nathan.

They’ve crawled about halfway back down the hallway when the smoke that’s barely a couple inches above the tops of their helmets smoke begins to move and flow toward their exit like the tide being sucked back out to sea.

“Damn it,” Kelly hisses and grabs Nathan by the handle on his air pack and hauls him into the closest room, slamming the door behind them just as a fireball shoots down the hallway. He can feel the heat of it through the wooden door as the fire tries to push it open, evil red tongues of flame licking through the crack under the door.

Nathan’s on his feet in a second and pushing his body against the door in the next to help Severide keep it closed

“Use your halligan to hammer these under the door,” Kelly orders, handing Nathan the wooden wedges he keeps in one pocket. “I’ll hold the door.”

“You got it lieutenant,” Nathan says without hesitation, and takes the wedges out of his hand.

“Severide, report!” Casey’s voice sounds over the radio, but it’s staticy.

“Me and Marks are trapped on the 24th floor. Is 23 clear for a self rescue?” Severide replies, as Nathan hammers the wedges under the door to help stop it from being pushed open by the fire.

“We’ll get a line to you.”

“Negative Casey. Do not send anyone up here! I repeat, do not send up! The hallway is too hot,” Severide shouts, hoping Casey catches it. “Acknowledge you heard me! Casey!”

“Wedges are in place,” Nathan says straightening up. “Are we bailing?”

“Yes, use the halligans to set anchors,” Severide replies before keying his radio. “Casey, do not open the doors on the hallway. It’s too hot. The fire will jump floors.”

“Copy that.” Severide breathes a sigh of relief as Casey finally acknowledges him.

“Anchors are set, lieutenant,” Nathan reports as clips his emergency rope to the built in harness in his bunker pants.

Kelly takes a deep breath and steps away from the door, hoping the wedges will actually hold it, and miraculously, they do. Now they have to survive lowering themselves down to the 23rd floor and hope that the rush of fresh air when they break these windows doesn’t give the fire what it needs to push the door open.

“Okay kid, we’re going to have to make this fast,” Severide says clipping his rope into place. “Are you ready?”

Nathan glances out the window and back at Severide. “Yeah, this’ll be fun. Piece of cake.”

Severide smiles and nods his head in agreement. “Piece of cake.”

He misses being young and not having tasted a piece, or a couple pieces, of his mortality. Right now he misses the younger him who tied ten feet of webbing around his waist and dove out a 40th floor window… he could really use that guy right now.

“I’m going to break this window and as soon as I do we go, got it?”

“Yeah,” Nathan says and adjusts his grip on the rope.

“Ready?”

“Ready.”

Kelly slams his glass breaker into the window and the whole thing shatters, then almost exactly in sink he and Nathan slip out of the window.

***

“You people at 51 really are crazy,” One of the other chief’s on scene says to Casey as they both stare up at the window on the 24th floor where two dark figures are climbing out the window. Casey ignores him and keeps his gaze on his two firefighters. This is the third time Severide’s done something like this, but only the second time Casey’s actually had the displeasure of watching. The first time was when Severide tied webbing around his waist and dove out a 40 something ith floor window to save a window washer not even a week into making squad. He still remembers standing on the ground watching with Andy, and Andy just laughing and saying ‘of course that’s what Kelly’d do.’ and being more amused than concerned about the friend he had since kindergarten. Casey on the other hand had been terrified that they’d be cleaning firefighter off the sidewalk. The second time Kelly did something like this, Casey didn’t have a front row seat for it. He’d been inside on a different floor, and that time Kelly had done with a kid holding onto his chest. Only a minute passes before glass is raining down from the sky and Severide and Marks are disappearing inside. They’re only just barely inside all the way when fire erupts out the window above them.

“Severide, report,” Casey orders, scared to breathe. He saw them both disappear inside, but part of him doesn’t quite believe it, and won’t until he has audible confirmation from Severide that they’re both okay.

“We’re all good chief, and heading down.”

“Make sure you use the stairs,” Casey breathes.

“You got it chief.”

***

“That was awesome!” Nathan cheers sitting up on the floor. “They had us do self rescue stuff kind of like that in the academy but that was freakin awesome!”

“Glad you liked it,” Severide chuckles and gives the kid, who’s vibrating from the rush of adrenaline, on the shoulder. “Now let’s get the hell out of here.”

“Yeah,” Nathan agrees as Kelly pulls him to his feet.

“Kelly, you have got to stop doing stuff like that on skyscrapers,” Stella scolds as soon as she’s done giving her canidate a look over to make sure he’s still in one piece.

“The important thing is that you still have both lungs intact this time,” Kelly says grabbing her around the shoulders. That had been one of the worst moments of his life, coming through that window and hearing Herrmann’s mayday not more than a couple seconds later. The only thing more relieving than not having just fallen 20 something stories is that this time Stella is perfectly okay at the end of his daring rope bale out.

“Really? We’re not letting that go?” she says, cupping his cheek in her soft hand, and giving him a loving smile.

“No, we’re not. You’re not allowed to die for me, Stella Kidd,” he replies.

“But you’re allowed to constantly repel out skyscraper windows?” she says raising a skeptical eyebrow.

“You’re welcome to join me next time,” Kelly jokes.

“Oh, there better not be next time, lieutenant,” Stella says authoritatively.

“Understood lieutenant,” Severide says and gives her a little salute as she rolls her eyes at him and heads to go talk to Casey.

“How are you feeling, kiddo?” Kelly asks walking over to join Nathan on the back bumper of 81 for some rehab.

“Little shaky,” he admits. “But that was still the coolest thing ever.”

“That’d be the adrenaline wearing off,” Kelly explains and twists the top off his water bottle. His adrenaline came and went much quicker, and was probably a lot less intense than Nathan’s; now he’s just feeling ready whereas the kid seems to be ready to jump back up and keep throwing punches at the fire. He’d felt old when he found out Nathan was their new candidate, and now that he’s actually worked with him he feels even older.

“Sorry I almost got us roasted with that false alarm,” Nathan says after a second of silence.

“I meant what I said in there,” Severide says looking over at the rookie. “I’d rather go check it out and have it be fake than not go and have it be a real baby. Even if it means getting lightly toasted. You made the right call. Don’t let it mess with your head. Second guessing leads to people dying.”

“Yes, lieutenant,” Nathan replies and sips his water.

“You handled yourself like a pro in there. You ever think about squad?”

“Are you serious?” Nathan asks, choking on his water.

“Hell yeah. You kept your head on. I know a lot of firefighters that that would’ve thrown for a loop.”

***

“Did anyone ever warn you Severide likes stealing the young new truck candidates with a bright future?” Mouch asks Stella as he walks past her, gesturing toward the back of 81. Severide and Marks are sitting chatting away on the back bumper; she’s pretty sure she should be annoyed if what Mouch just said is true, but both Nathan and Kelly look so happy. And there’s a rich history between the two of them; if Kelly wants to take the kid under his wing she’s not going to try to stop him.

***

“Can we just turn the tones off for like the next five hours while I power nap?” Joe asks as they all arrive back at the station well after dinner time. He needs a shower and sleep, and goodness knows if he doesn’t get sleep tonight he’s not going to be getting it for quite a while. It’s crazy that being at the station is calmer and quieter than being at home.

“10 bucks says we’re all out making runs all night,” Herrmann says dubiously as he follows Joe to the showers.

“Shut up, don’t even put that out into the universe to be heard,” Joe groans and pulls the shower curtain closed. He throws his clothes out, not caring if they land on the floor and turns on the cool refreshing water. It’s peaceful and it’s quiet, and Joe savors every second of it because there’s no telling how long it will last. Even Herrmann who’s in the shower seems too exhausted to talk.

***

“Alright, I ordered pizzas,” Casey announces as he walks into the common, everyone seems to be half asleep, so much so that the only reaction he gets is a couple thumbs up from a couple pizzas.

“How much do we owe you?” Joe asks from where he’s laying on the couch with his head rested on Mouch’s shoulder. Casey’s pretty sure Mouch is asleep.

“Nothing. You guys did great today. The pizzas on me.”

“He’s trying to buy our affection,” Severide accuses in a teasing tone that ends up sounding more lackluster. Casey appreciates the failed attempt to bring some life into the room, but if even something like free pizza on the chief wasn’t going to do it, Severide’s poor little weak attempt at a joke never stood a chance.

“I’ll be in my office until the pizza gets here,” Casey says, even though he knows no one cares.

“You’re gonna have to get it chief, I don’t think any of us can move,” Gallo mumbles, staring blankly at the floor. “Except I don’t know, probie might have some energy.”

On queue Nathan lets out a fake snor. This gets a couple tired chuckles from a few people

“Don’t worry. I’ll get it,” Casey chuckles tiredly as he heads out of the room to go to his office.He’ll get it if he doesn’t fall asleep first.

“Hey chief, do you want me to stick around a while longer?”

Casey stops in his tracks. He hadn’t even realized that Kylie was still at the station.

“I think we’ll be fine, if you want to go home,” Casey says.

“No offense, but it kind of looks like you got your asses handed to you. I can stay and clean up for the next shift,” she offers.

“If you don’t mind that’d be great, but I hate to make you clean up after those animals,” Casey says nodding his head in the direction of the common room.

“Anything I can do to help, I know it’s been a long day for all of you.”

“Whatever house gets you when you get out of the academy is gonna be very lucky,” Casey sighs. He’s not going to tell her no.

“Assuming I get accepted.”

“With the list of references you’ll have, you will get hired,” Casey promises and heads into his office, giving her a pat on the shoulder as he goes.

***

“Okay, eat up and get your sorry asses off to bed,” Casey says walking around the common room setting down plates in front of each half asleep firefighter and then adding two slices of pizza to it.

“Now he’s running a boot camp,” Severide mutters prompting giggles from Stella and Sylvie, the kind of giggles that warn that the girls are about to get that kind of hyper tired where they laugh at literally everything. He’s worked enough shifts with them to know that when they start, Cruz and Herrmann follow, and usually once they hit that level they bring Ritter and Gallo with them. And from there it’s a very shot leap to everyone getting cranky; which means Casey has a very short window to get them all fed and sent to bed.

He’s also not entirely sure why Sylvie is sitting on Stella’s lap, or why the truck lieutenant is braiding her hair, but he’s too tired to question it.

“Just eat the damn pizza, Kelly,” Casey quips.

“Don’t have to tell me twice.”

“I’m turning it in,” Stella announces after having finished her pizza plus seconds. Casey had thought about doing the same as soon as he finished, which was long before everyone else, but he decided to stay and wait to turn it in for the night until everyone else had ambled off to the bunks. Ritter, Herrmann and Capp have already turned it in, and Mouch has too, but he’s still sitting on the couch snoring happily. She’s barely made it to the door when the bell sounds.

“Truck 81, ambulance 61, single vehicle car accident.”

One thing that never ceases to amaze Casey, even after years and years of being a firefighter is how quickly firefighters can go from zero to 60 in terms of energy. Every firefighter has that little extra reservoir of energy that comes out when all the other energy in the body is spent. It’s what gives them the ability to give their all and then give more. Everyone on 81 is on their feet and looking alive in a matter of seconds, it takes Mouch a couple more seconds than everyone else, but he’s still up and they’re all heading to the trucks. Even the paramedics get a little extra energy boost.

“Becareful Stella, and don’t be afraid to call for backup,” Kelly calls after his girlfriend as she gets up and heads out to the bay behind her firefighters. She waves one hand in brief acknowledgment. Kelly looks nervous.

“What?” Casey asks, as the lieutenant stands up.

“We’re all exhausted Casey, I don’t like this,” he says, keeping his eyes on the door even though Stella has already disappeared from sight.

“Trust me, I tried getting us taken out of service for the night, but everyone else in the area is whacked too. They said we had to take turns going out of service. We got 12:00 to 4:00,” Casey says with a sigh. He’d fought hard for it. But a four rest was the best he could do. They’d gotten a meal break and a few minutes of rehab at the high rise fire, but that’s not enough rest to get them through the night. Hopefully this truck call will be the only one they get for the next two hours so everyone can get more than four hours of good sleep, but the last thing on earth that he’s going to do is say that out loud for the fire gods to hear. “Stella knows what she’s doing.”

“I know,” Severide sighs, but he’s right. They shouldn’t be making runs.

***

“This is bad,” Mouch says perceptively as they pull onto the scene, and Stella concurs with the old firefighter’s observation. The passenger side of the small four door sedan is wrapped around a light pole, if there's anyone in that side of the car it’s going to be difficult to get to them unless they pull the car away from the light pole.

“Then we don’t have time to sit around gawking,” Stella says opening her door. “I know we’re all tired, but we’ve got a job to do.”

Her weak attempt at a pep talk doesn’t have much, if any, impact on her exhausted band of brothers, but they obey her and hop to it.

“Gallo, get the spreaders, Nathan, halligan, Mouch, bolt cutters, pop that hood and cut the battery,” She orders as she approaches the smashed up car. The dispatch call said it was only a one car accident but it looks like someone hit them and made them slide sideways into the pole.

“Please! My daughter! Save my daughter!” the driver cries as Stella gets closer to the car.

“We’re going to get you both out,” Stella promises peering into the car. The dad’s in rough shape with a deep laceration in the side of his head and his shoulder looks dislocated.

“Please!” he begs frantically and grabs at Stella’s arm. The daughter is in even worse shape. There’s a lot of blood, and Stella really isn’t sure if the girl is still alive.

“What have we got?” Sylvie asks running over. 61 arrived on scene not long after they did.

“Two pinned in victims, driver is alert and responsive, passenger is in rough shape,” Stella says as the paramedic pears into the car.

“Okay, get me into the back seat,” Brett replies. “That’s going to be the easiest way for me to get to her.”

“You got it,” Stella says and scrapes the broken glass off the back window. That’s going to be the fastest way in. She gives Brett a nod and the paramedic is slipping into the back seat a second later.

“What are we looking at?”

“She’s in rough shape,” Brett reports, before checking the dad.

“Gallo, get the spreaders over here,” Stella orders.

“No, get her first,” the man moans, just in the past couple seconds that she’s been on scene he seems to be getting worse. The desperation his voice for Stella to save his child is gut wrenching. He’s trapped and helpless, and he has to put his faith in her to save his child.

“He’s in bad shape,” Sylvie reports. “He’s fine right this second but that could change fast.”

“Get her first,” the man insists as Gallo powers up the jaws, there are tears in his pained blue eyes, the kind of pain that haunts you years after.

“We could pull the car out and get to the girl first, we could get to her faster,” Mouch suggests, and he’s right. They could do that, and maybe get to her faster than extricating the dad and then pulling her out through the driver’s side, especially considering how smashed up the other side of the car is. But if they have spinal injuries moving the car could cause a lot of damage, and the dad could take a turn for the worse at any second. She wishes she had more time to weigh the options, but she doesn’t.

“We crack the driver’s side and pull them both out this way,” she announces and takes a step back so Gallo can get in with the jaws and to talk on the radio. “81 to main, I need a second ambulance to my location.

“Stella, they’re both slipping,” Sylvie reports from inside the car as Mackey hands her a jump bag through the window.

“Spredders aren’t getting a grab, the doors bent inward,” Gallo reports.

“Damn it,” Stella hisses under her breath and grabs a halligan and shoves the wedge end into the door crack, and pries outward making a pocket for Gallo to get the spreaders into. That should’ve been the first thing they did, but they’re all exhausted which leads to mistakes. If it were up to her they wouldn’t even be out here. It’s dangerous for everyone. “Get in there.”

Gallo repostitions the spreaders with the tips in the pocket she made.

“Mouch, Marks, get over here and get ready to pull him out,” Stella orders as Mackey positions the stretcher.

“No, get her first,” the father mumbles weakly, he’s barely conscious anymore, and Stella can tell by the look on Sylvie’s face that she’s holding back the urge to tell them to hurry.

“We’ll get you both out, I promise,” Stella says looking him in the eyes. “But we need to move you first.”

“Got it,” Gallo grunts as the door pops open; Stella grabs it and forces it open, then slices the man’s seatbelt. Together she, Mouch and Marks pull him out of the car and onto the stretcher just as the second ambulance arrives.

“Have them load and go,” Stella says over her shoulder as she climbs into the car. “How’s she doing?”

“It’s bad Stella,” Sylvie says quietly.

“I’m not leaving her,” the man cries desperately. “Please, Kathy! Please no! You can’t take me away from.”

It hurts listening to his cries of desperation for them to save his daughter.

“Mouch hand me the backboard,” Stella calls as she slices the girls seat belt. Now that she’s right there with her she can tell her injuries are worse than she thought, and the only thing running through her mind as they position her on the backboard is that they should’ve pulled the car away from the pillar and extricated the first and that she should’ve called for an extra crew so everything could’ve gone faster.

***

The light is still on in Stella’s office when Sylvie and Mackey get back to the house and head for their bunks; the blinds are drawn, but Sylvie can still see her friend moving around inside, probably mauling over the decisions she made on the call. She wishes there were something comforting she could tell her, but the girl died in transport; giving Stella that new doesn’t seem like the best idea right now. The only good news is that the dad did make it to the hospital and is currently in surgery.

Brett sighs and lays down in bed pondering the happenings of the night, thinking about what she could’ve done differently. Going down the rabbit hole of what ifs is something that’s always preached like gospel, but she’s never actually met anyone who doesn’t. When someone dies on your watch it’s only natural to question where things went wrong, where things could’ve gone differently, and in some ways going down that rabbit hole can help in the future, help you know what to do differently. There’s just a fine line between learning from shortcomings and being consumed by the guilt brought about by thinking about them. In this particular case Sylvie is pretty sure even if she had done things differently the girl still would’ve died. There are some people you are just not meant to save.

She rolls over and tries to go to sleep, but can’t, not with the light from Stella’s office still on. It’s not the light itself keeping her up, more the thought of her friend not being able to sleep. She slips out of her bed and walks slowly to Stella’s door.

“Hey, Stella, you okay?” she asks, opening the door and poking her head in.

“Is my light bugging you?” she asks, looking surprised by Sylvie’s sudden appearance. “I can turn it off it is-”

“No, it’s fine. I just saw you were still up and wanted to check on you,” Sylvie replies.

“Did that girl make it?” Stella asks, plopping herself down on the edge of the bed.

Sylvie sighs and slips all the way into the room, closing the door quietly behind her; she sits down next to Stella on the bed and rests one hand on her leg.

“She died in transport, but she was hurt bad. There wasn’t anything anyone could’ve done,” Sylvie says, trying to comfort the lieutenant.

“We could’ve gotten her out faster, Brett,” Stella says. “I could’ve gotten her out faster if I made a different call. It’s my fault Brett.”

“Don’t do that to yourself,” Sylvie says and squeezes Stella’s hand. “I don’t know that getting her out faster would’ve helped-”

“But it might have?” Stella asks. “It might have, right?”

“That’s a dark hole to go down, Stella,” Sylvie warns. “This isn’t your fault. It’s on whoever hit that car.

“I was the officer in charge, I made the call, and now a girl is dead, Brett.”

“You made the call you thought was right, and you saved the dad-”

“Yeah, and I thought wrong, what if I’m not ready for this?”

“Stella, you are the most worthy leader I know, and more than ready for this, and if you hadn’t gotten the dad out when you did, he might be dead too. You made the right choice.”

Sylvie wishes she could make Stella understand how much faith she has in her. She wishes she could share her confidence with the truck lieutenant.

“Thanks Brett,” Stella says and gives her a sad half smile, but she doesn’t look convinced. And Sylvie’s really not sure what else she can say to convince her. Maybe if Severide talks to her.

***

“What’s eating you, lieutenant?” Kelly asks, coming up behind Stella and throwing his arm over his shoulder as they head for the car. Lieutenant has almost become like a term of endearment between the two of them, and she loves the fondness he says it with; she’s just not so sure she deserves it anymore.

“It was a long shift,” she sighs and leans into him. She’s not really in the mood for talking, right now she just wants to be close to him and soak up his warmth.

“It’s that last call, isn’t it?” He says knowingly and pulls her a little closer to him as they walk slowly toward the car.

“Brett told you what happened?” Stella mutters, her hopes of just not talking about it for a while quickly becoming dashed.

Severide seems to ponder this for a second before speaking again. “You were up in your office pacing half the night. After the exhausting shift we had I know that means something happened on that call.”

“And Brett told you,” Stella says. She knows Brett.

Kelly sighs. “And Brett told me.”

“What’d she say?”

“She told me you handled the call like a pro and that you made the right call,” Kelly replies placing a kiss on top of her head.

“Then there you have it,” Stella says, hoping he’ll let her take the out. “That’s how it went.”

“Okay,” Kelly says, taking Stella by surprise. She’s almost hurt by how easily he rolled over and let her take the out. Then he starts talking again. “But, if there’s more or you have a different take you can tell me. I’m the last person on the planet who can give a lecture on talking about your feelings, but I can attest to what not talking about them does to us.”

Stella sighs, he’s right.

“I also get what it’s like not wanting to talk about stuff,” he continues, resting his chin on top of her head. “There might be different reasons, but I get it Stella Kidd.”

“Thanks Kelly,” she mumbles. She’s not really sure why she doesn’t want to talk to him about it. She knows what he’s going to say, and she even thinks it will help her feel better. “And we’ll talk about it soon. I’m just really tired right now, and don’t feel up for it.”

“Whenever you’re ready, Stella,” he says quietly and rubs her shoulder.

***

“So are you going to try my vacuum suggestion?” Herrmann asks Joe as the two of them walk out of the station with Mouch.

“I don’t know, it seems kind of-” Joe trails off as his gaze settles on Chloe standing at the end of the driveway with Brian in her arms. He’s never been more happy to see anyone in his life ever. “My two favorite people!”

“Hey! Me and Mouch are standing right here!” Herrmann shouts as he takes off at a jog toward Chloe.

“Hey baby, what are you doing here?” he laughs and plants a kiss on the top of Chloe’s head and then Brian’s.

“I saw you guys had a long day yesterday and decided me and Brian better come to great on your way out,” she replies, giving him a kiss.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t call you last night!” Joe exclaims. He’d meant to, but by the time they got back to the station he’d been too tired to remember. He knew he was forgetting something, he was just never able to figure it out.

“It’s okay,” she promises. “I knew I would’ve heard about it if something happened.”

“Let’s go home and get some sleep,” Joe suggests and slings his arm around her shoulder, but she proply shushes him.

“Joseph Cruz, saying that word is like saying quiet on shift. You say it and Brain never sleeps again!” She scolds.

***

“Hey, kid,” Matt says, stopping Nathan at the door. “I want you to come to Molly’s so we can toast your first structure fire, and whatever the hell that was you and Severide did.”

First fires are usually a sacred thing, everyone goes to the bar and toasts the baptism by fire of the rookie, but Matt has a feeling not everyone’s going to be there. Stella took a hit last night with the car wreck, Kelly is going to want to stay with her and make her feel better, and Cruz hasn’t even been to the bar since Brian was born.

“I don’t know,” Nathan says hesitantly.

“Why not?” Sylvie asks stopping next to Matt. “It’s a tradition.”

“Yeah, but it seems kind of ill timed I guess…”

Matt frowns before shouting to Herrmann who’s halfway to his car. “Herrmann! Tell the candidate he has to drink to his first fire!”

Herrmann stops and spins around. “Of course he does! It’s tradition!”

“See,” Matt says. “Plus, it’ll give everyone a little pick me up, something happy to think about.”

“And it’ll make you feel better,” Sylvie adds. “Being around people who care and understand always helps me out when I’ve had a rough call.”

“Any you get to drink free,” Herrmann says, doubling back to help them talk Nathan into joining them at Molly’s. “And Ritter and Gallo will be there.”

Nathan looks between the three of them, before nodding. “Okay, I’ll come along.”

“Atta boy!” Casey says cheerfully and pats the candidate on the shoulders.

“Chief Casey, can we have a word.” Casey stops his small celebration at what can only be the voice of an unhappy white shirt that far out ranks. He turns around and sure enough Chief Walker is standing at the entrance of the bay with a grave look on his face.

“I’ll catch you guys at Molly’s,” Casey says and heads to meet up with the chief. “What can I do for you, chief?”

“Let’s go talk in your office,” Walker says and nods his head toward the entrance.

“After the shift you guys had I’m sure you want to go home and rest, but I thought you should get a heads up before anything official comes down, so you can get a head of it,” Walker replies, and there’s an apologetic expression on his face.

“Get ahead of what sir?” Casey asks. “What is this about?”

“One of your lieutenants.”

***

“I thought you were going to Molly’s,” Severide says, calling over to Casey as he lets himself into the apartment.

“I’m going to head that way later, we gotta toast Nathan’s first fire,” Casey replies, closing the door behind him. He seems off, like he’s unsure of something and like simply being here is a struggle.

“Damn it, you’re right,” Stella says, frustrated. “I was caught up in everything I completely forgot about it.”

“You had a rough night,” Kelly reminds her before looking back at Casey who is slowly making his way over to them. He looks like he’s about to jump off a cliff.

“You want a beer?” Stella offers.

“No,” Casey shakes his head.

“What’s up Case, you look like you just saw a ghost,” Kelly asks, not entirely sure he wants to know what’s eating at the chief.

Matt looks from Kelly to Stella and back to Kelly before finally answering the question. “I have some bad news, and you two aren’t going to like it.”

***

Chloe wakes up half expecting it to because of Brian’s crying, maybe it was just the anticipation that brought her out of her restless, but she isn’t greeted with any crying. The apartment is actually quiet and peaceful for what seems like the first time in an eternity. The bed next to her is empty and the possibility of Joe taking Brian out for a drive doesn’t seem outside the realm of possibility. She gets up and opens the bedroom door and as she does so she’s met with music wafting down the hallway.

“Joe?” Chloe whispers as she makes her way into the living room where Joe is sitting on the rocking chair rocking Brian who by some miracle is asleep. The baby’s head is barely visible cradled in his big arms.

“Shhh,” he breathes, and looks up at her. It’s hard to tell in the dim light of the living room, but she’s pretty sure Joe is the one crying this time. “You might wake him up.”

“What are you listening to?” she asks as quietly as she can and sits on the corner of the couch closest to the rocking chair.

“It’s a mixed tape Otis made me,” Joe replies quietly, and a fond smile drifts across his face. “He made it for me when his cousin moved back to Russia, and he told me it was from her. But I figured out he’s the one who made it.”

“Joe…” Chloe says quietly and rests her hand on his arm.

“For so long I’ve been wishing he were here for this. To be a part of Brian’s life, you know?” Joe sniffles and looks at her with tears in his eyes. “But this is the first time… the first time that I realized he is, Chloe. He’s right here.”

#stellaride fic

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#stellaride fic