cuz why did you let me do a song with central cee…
yoongi: wanted to laugh
y/n: you didn’t even tell me
hobi: i actually begged you not to if i remember correctly!
jimin: what is central cee??
jin: what are we taking about
tae: when he said “im not a her father” it really resonated with me cuz i’m also not her father
y/n: who is her?
hobi: the block b song?
jk: wish i was her
jimin: central cee?? do i know central cee?? is this like jack hammer’s cousin or something
jin: tf is jack hammer?
yoongi: jack harlow
y/n: jack and jill something about a hill
jin: what is actually going on
hobi: too much!!!!
jk: did you like the song tho
yoongi: no!
jk: minus jack harlow
y/n: you did another song with jack harlow??
jk: i mean central cee
hobi: celery
jimin: TF IS A CENTRAL CEE??????
jin: wow i’m loosing my mind
jin added namjoon to “DRUGGIES”
tae: that’s not namjoons number
jin: yes it is
tae: omg wait
why do have two namjoons in my contacts??
jin: idk tf
leave me alone
namjoon: i am done interacting with you guys outside of work hours
jimin: do you know central cee namjoon?
hobi: we have work hours?
tae: why do i actually have 2 namjoons
i’m freaking out
do you have a twin joon?????
namjoon: no
tae: ok but why do i have two of you then??
explain that
i bet you can’t
namjoon: stop talking to me
now.
y/n: now.
hobi: that was so alpha x reader of you joonie
yoongi: x reader?
tae: alpha???
jk: namjoon has a twin?
jin: ew
someone kill it
tae: should i add the twin to the gc?
y/n: no
jk: yesssss!!!
tae added Bang PD to “DRUGGIES”
jimin: oh
tae: hello namjoons twin!!
quick question when we had that threesome did you happen to feel anything??
namjoom: OH MY GOD???
namjoon changed the gc name to “bts💜”
tae: just want to know if that twin telepathy stuff is real
hobi: do you even know what telepathy is?
tae: yeah
jimin: i highly doubt that actually!
tae: come on joon number 2 you can tell me!!!
bang pd: Wow Taehyung and Namjoon have had a threesome together?
That is what you guys do on your days off?
namjoon: HES JOKING sir lol!!
i am so sorry idk why he even said that
tae: sir lmao??????
don’t tell me ur the younger twin 😭
yoongi: wow he’s dumb as fuck
y/n: ??omg
mr bang!!!!!!!!
bff what are you doing here???
tae: what?
Bang PD: Y/n ☺️!!!
I actually have no idea it seems Taehyung has added me in here under the impression i am Namjoons twin?
tae: oh my god…….
OH MY GOD….
OH MY GOD
jin: yeah
Bang PD: It’s ok i can leave if you would like me too.
y/n: don’t be silly you can stay!!!!!!!
namjoon: sir don’t worry you can stay! we don’t really talk much here anyways
jk: yes we do
why is he lying
namjoon: no we don’t
jk: ???????
we talk here everyday
basically every hour
omg just like my song
every hour
every minute
every second
hehhehehe
jimin: yk jk can’t take a hint
idk why ur trying namjoon
namjoon: so how was your day sir?
Bang PD: It was good thanks for asking!
How was yours?
namjoon: busy as usual!
jk: why is he lying again
he was at our house
wasn’t he y/n??
he didn’t even do anything
he just sat there…
Bang PD: Oh?
namjoon: HA HA HA WOW JUNGKOOK UR SO FUNNY
wow classic jungkook!!!
don’t be silly you know i was in the studio working on the song coming out soon ha ha lol
jimin: i’m telling you he’s not gonna get it…
jk: is namjoon ok?
why is he acting strange
and lying
bet it’s the coke 😭
y/n: LMAO
not funny
Bang PD: Ha i hope that’s a joke jungkook😂
namjoon: IT IS
IT REALLY IS HA LOL
rigHT GUYs??????
hobi: HA HA HA JUNGKOOK UR SO FUNNY WOW UR HILARIOUS ACTUALLY WOW LOL
yoongi: ???
oh
yeah
sooooo funny lol
jin: 😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
jimin: wow ur so silly jungkook!
tae: LOOOOOOOL
jk: i’m not joking
namjoon: you are
jk: i’m not :(
namjoon: i’m telling you
you are
jk: why
Bang PD: Sorry guys as much fun as it was talking to you all i must leave now.
I hope you all enjoy your weekend and don’t cause too much trouble haha
The leaked chats was enough drama for this year!!!
y/n: ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️
leaving so soon
bye bff
namjoon: goodbye sir please take care of yourself and we will definitely keep out of troubles way haha
right guys???
tae: ig
jimin: ofc bye mr bang ☺️!
jin: yes no trouble for us !!
even thought it wasn’t even my fault LOL
bye mr bang💓
yoongi: yup 👍🏻
bye
hobi: no trouble no drama!! it was nice speaking to you!!!
jk: GOODBYE MR BANG 😆
Bang PD: and before i go y/n i hope you and Jaehyun are doing well ❤️
Bang PD left “bts💜”
yoongi: huh
jin: OHMYGOD??/?:£7.
namjoon: um
jimin: HELPPPPPPPCPFFOFOFOLFK
jk: NO SAY THIS IS FUCKING FAKE OHMUGOD
hobi: wait plot twist
tae: SHUT THE FUCK UP????????????????
y/n: wow um
that’s CRAZY wow
WHAT A FUCKING SNAKE BTW
but um
wow
i swear i can explain!
WOOOOW
UM
ok maybe i can’t lol
wow
y/ns first time left speechless 😱
first time for everything hahahaha
ok that wasn’t funny
soooo like wooooowww that was crazy
why did tae have mr bang saved under joons name ??
he’s so silly am i right or am i right??
jk: i’m going to kill myself
tae: i’ve never fallen to my knees so hard before
yoongi: nct lame as hell
namjoon: so are you dating him or?????
jk: IS THIS WHY yOU HAVENT KISSED ME IN LIKE 4MONTHS?/£:&;&; OH MY GOD
IM GONNA YEHSNDCN XNDJCJJSKFJJDMDIXJCJVK
THERE IS ANOTHER MAN
IM GOJNA KMS
IOHMXUXUDICICJDNDJCJ
y/n: ok so basically
y/n left “bts💜”
jimin: she’s so real for that
hobi: feminism
jin: LWMSODOOFO
yoongi added y/n to “bts💜”
namjoon: let’s move on
yoongi: no wtf???
y/n: hi guys !!!😁😁😁😁😁
hobi: in my baggy baggy baggy baggy baggy baggy jeans
jimin: be honest was try again about you
hobi: pls remember my answer is you 😉
jin: thought she liked mark lee
tae: she liked me once
sighs
jk: sHE LIKED MEFIRST
yoongi: yeah now ur lying
jimin: ohmygod cat fight!!!!!!
namjoon: now is not the time guys
hobi: look at joon trying to be the voice of reason
we know you mad asf rn don’t pretend 😭
namjoon: shut the fuck up both of you
jin: i’m on y/ns side i support women’s rights and wrongs!!!!
y/n: I AM NOT IN THE WRONG
jin: yeah ok you go girl!!!!!
yoongi: u saying ur not in the wrong is crazy lmao
jimin: NOO CUZZ WHY THEY FR FIGHTING JIN HOBI ARE YOU SEEING THIS
hobi: LAMSKDKKDODNDJSKSJD
THIS IS CRAZYYY
jin: TEAM Y/N!!!!!!!!!!
namjoon: stop
hobi: yk what didn’t stop
y/n when she made jaehyun her boyfriend
jimin: LAMOSDODOODODODJ
jin: HELP ME OHMUGOFJDJDJXB
y/n: okay guys shut the fuck up 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
—
okay LMAO this was clearly an unfinished work lmao but it was so silly not to post LIKE??? and this was obviously written right after too much came out and then i edited a little of it today but yeah still hope it was silly and cool enough for you all >\\\<
Warnings: Starbucks slander and excessive question mark use
Word count: 1,818
Summary: All Y/N wants to do is find her creativity and motivation but she finds 7 werewolves instead.
Author note: Long time no see! I’m such an inconsistent writer it’s not even funny. The bad thing is that I have tons of ideas written down but I can never put them onto the page. Writing is hard T_T
That first scene may or may not be from my actual feelings.
The only thing keeping your laptop from being thrown at the wall is the fact that it’s expensive and you can’t afford to buy a new one. The feeling of the blinking cursor on the blank word document mocking you is driving you absolutely bonkers. Feeling hopeless you switch to your ideas notebook to see if physically writing would kick start your creativity. That’s a trick people on a writing forum you follow swear by. Unfortunately that ended with the poor defenseless notebook being flung across the room.
Yeji once suggested speaking to a therapist about having anger management issues after walking into your office and having to dodge a flying pen Matrix style. The thing is that writing is the only thing that brings this emotion out of you. No other thing has been this frustrating in your life, especially these past few months. This change of scenery was supposed to help, instead its made it worse since now you’re all alone dealing with the thoughts of self doubt and multiple episodes of laying on the floor like the scene in Lilo and Stitch. Except, unlike Lilo, you have no one here to tell “Leave me alone to die” to.
You’re beginning to feel like a failure, absolutely no work has been accomplished. What kind of author can’t even write or draw? Maybe giving up the children’s book gig and becoming an erotica novel writer is a good idea. You’ve always thought about the idea of writing spicy romance novels. You’ve heard the building secretaries whispering about the newest “spicy” book they’ve seen on Tiktok. Apparently fantasy books about werewolves are very popular, talking about “mates” and “knots” and other supposedly hot things. Who knew porn about imaginary creatures would be something people would be into.
This cabin was supposed to help you write but right now it’s feeling like a stuffy prison. Checking Naver for any local coffee shops you discovered there’s a Starbucks, should you support local coffee shops instead? Yes. Would you rather have a frappucino than real coffee? Also yes.
This Starbucks wasn’t a standalone building. Just like almost every other building in this town it’s connected to other shops almost like a strip mall. There’s a pet supply shop to the right of it and a tteok-bokki restaurant to the left.
Resisting the urge to stop at the restaurant you walk into the Starbucks and find that it looks just like any other one you could find in Seoul. It seems like this location is pretty popular. There’s a moderately long line of people waiting to place their order. All the tables were occupied even the seats right at the bar were taken. Sighing in defeat you switch your laptop bag from one shoulder to the other.
Heading out the door you heard a pair of voices loudly bickering behind you. Stopping to hold the door open for the men you recognized one of the men as Yoongi from the bakery. You didn’t know the other man though.
“Would you like some coffee with all that sugar?” Yoongi said giving the other man’s drink in his hand a disgusted look.
The taller man scoffed, “Oh I’m sorry that I’m not a coffee snob like you and only drink my coffee black. I happen to love myself and caramel frapuccinos are my comfort food. Self care is important these days!”
Yoongi rolled his eyes before noticing you, “What are you doing here?”
Before you could answer he was smacked on the back of his head and pushed out of the doorway. “Ya! Don’t you have any manners? Sorry about him, I’m Jin and I’m guessing you know Yoongi.””
You nodded while Yoongi turned and glared at the man behind him making a low sound that oddly resembled a dog’s growl. Shivers went down your spine and oddly down to another place that you definitely were not expecting.
“I was trying to get a frappuccino and some cake pops but the line is way too long and I didn’t want to wait.”
“I can make cake pops that are way better than those abominations. C’mon let’s go.”
Sharing a confused look with Yoongi who just shrugged you followed after Jin who was marching like a man on a mission in the direction of the bakery.
Walking into the bakery your nose was overwhelmed with the scent of cinnamon, it almost made you sneeze. Yoongi ushered you to a table near a window and told you to sit tight. Pulling out your phone you decide to browse Instagram while you waited. Leaning back in your chair you could hear muffled arguing coming from what you assumed was the kitchen in the back.
“I’m telling you, you need to play up the bad boy look. You can get more tips If you would at least answer when women ask you about your tattoos.”
“And I’m telling you, they make me uncomfortable. It’s either cranky ajummas who give me dirty looks when they notice or women who have no shame and try to touch them. I’m not a damn petting zoo, hyung.”
“You look like a zoo animal.” Jimin snickered while sitting on one of the counters near the stove. This resulted in a big glob of cream cheese frosting meant for the piping hot cinnamon rolls being launched at him narrowly missing his head and splattering on the wall. He jumped off the counter growling “Listen here you little shit.”
“What the hell do you two think you’re doing in MY kitchen?”
Jin was fuming looking at his younger mates acting like children in his precious safe haven. He knew he shouldn’t have let Yoongi talk him into going on a break.
“He started it!” Jungkook pointed at Jimin who was currently stalking towards him ready to hit him in his stupid pretty boy face.
“Shut up you little snitch!”
“Snitches get stitches” Yoongi added.
“Cut it out all of you” Namjoon called from the office rubbing his temples trying to alleviate the migraine that was forming from staring at excel sheets all day.
“Y/N is out there waiting for a coffee. This is our chance to give her the potion.” Yoongi informed the alpha wolf giving him the iced Americano he bought for him.
“Call Taehung and tell him to get over here. We’re executing the plan today.”
~Present Day~
You didn’t know what to expect but what you were expecting sure as hell wasn’t this. The room you were currently held in looked like a five star hotel room, adorned in hues of red and gold and decorated with paintings of regal wolves hunting deer and hanging around the moon goddess. If you were here under different circumstances maybe you could appreciate how beautiful this room was.
There was no clock in here so it was impossible to know how long you were trapped in this makeshift prison cell. And the lack of a window was also disorienting. Your phone sat useless on a side table, long dead. But it wasn’t needed to know at least a few hours had passed since the guards brought you.
The first hour was filled with frantic pacing and trying to open the locked door. Why were you guys being treated like prisoners? It’s not like you broke any laws. But seeing how serious the guards were you figured some werewolf law was in fact broken.
During your crisis Jungkook was somehow able to fall asleep on the plush king size bed. He was curled up in the fetal position hugging a pillow close to his body. His baby face, even more prominent while relaxed and unconscious, made him look like a young boy and not a man in his twenties even with his facial peircings.
Rage filled every part of your being as you fought the urge to yell at him to wake up and face the reality of the situation. After all this was his fault, right? Why did he take that stupid potion? Why didn’t he listen to Yuna? Why couldn’t he stop being so immature for once in his life?
This was the first emotion other than soul crushing sadness that you felt this during this whole ordeal and it scared you.
Walking away from him and into the bathroom to cool off before doing something you’d regret seemed like the right thing to do. Throwing things Jungkook already knew in his face would be cruel.
The marble of the bathroom counter felt cool against your palms as you stood in front of the sink staring at yourself in the mirror. You look rough, eyes red, face puffy and dried tears adorning your cheeks. You were never a pretty crier like the women in the Kdramas you watched every night with Jin. If said man was here he’d tell you that you looked like you got ran over by a car and that you could never catch him slipping like that.
You snorted at the memory of your overly confident mate. He always had an ugly crying face but you didn’t have the heart to ever tell him that fact. The small smile you were able to conjure up quickly fell when you remembered soon he won’t be your mate anymore. Feeling the urge to cry once again felt ever present so you rushed to turn on the water faucet.
Cupping your hands you splashed cold water in your face. The freezing liquid was shocking enough that it felt like an emotional reset. It was a little trick you learned from Yoongi who said it always helped to ground himself when he felt a panic attack coming on. ‘You can’t freak out when you’re cold’, he’d say. You seriously contemplated taking a cold shower and just fully shocking your system into submission but that just sounded miserable.
You definitely didn’t need anymore miserable in your life.
Was everything Jungkook’s fault? Yes. Could he have killed Yoongi? Yes. But he didn’t and that should count for something right? Why couldn’t Namjoon realize he was extremely sorry? Wasn’t the mate bond supposed to be strong? Isn’t it like a supernatural marriage pact?
What happened to ‘Through sickness and health’? How could Jungkook be thrown away like trash that easily? The thing that hurt the most was that no one else but you stood up for him. Not even Taehyung who ran with his tail between his legs when he was scared. Why were you the only brave one?
Jungkook was your priority now and you would stick with him for the rest of your life. The others may have been able to be forced into abandoning their love for him but you’re stronger than that. Fuck werewolves and their cowardice.
You’re not a weak human and if you have to prove that to each and every wolf here you would. Especially your alpha.
There are tales waiting to be told across the sea, above and below it; in the sky, and beyond it. There are stories of great love and great loss, stories of great adventure and great sacrifice. If we told you we have uncovered seven of the greatest tales, would you lend us an ear? Would you, if we told you we have gathered seven adventures through love and pleasure and pain, lend us your heart? Could you do it for the love of a pirate? For the love of a god? But what if there was even more? Would you swoon for the unfathomable man who steals hearts as quickly as souls? Are you in it just for the reputation, for the glory?
Are you greedy enough to give us everything, to have all of it?
Welcome to Ataraxia On The Horizon, a collection of stories that speak of adventure, escape, and love amongst the sea and sky. Here, you will find danger as quickly as you find romance. Here, you will find hope in the same instant you find grief. If you are seeking a journey amongst the tides, a life amongst the clouds, or the splendor of a stranger’s warm hand - read on.
all banners and images produced by @jamaisjoons
✶ Title: Love Across Moonlit Tides
✶ Author: @jamaisjoons
✶ Pairing: Pirate!Namjoon x Sea Demi-Goddess!Reader
✶ Tropes: Strangers to Lovers, Fantasy, Adventure
✶ Summary: When humans began doubting their faith and the Gods' power began to fade, Mirrhea, Goddess of the Sea, left without the Ocean's Heart, her most beloved treasure. Cetoan children have grown up hearing about the Heart of the Ocean: its absence, Mirrhea, and, most of all, its immense power. Legend says the Verraine Isles hold the secret to the treasure, but no matter how hard any pirate, treasure hunter, or adventure seeker has tried, the Isles themselves remain just as lost as the Heart of the Ocean.
When Namjoon sets foot upon the Verraine Isles, he expects to find jewels, and gold, and money, but instead he simply finds you. He finds you and is immediately thrust into an even greater adventure.
⟶ Setting Sail Soon
✶ Title: Damned To The Depths
✶ Author: @kookdiaries
✶ Pairing: Pirate!Jin x Native Islander!Reader
✶ Tropes: Sinbad au, Forbidden Romance, Adventure
✶ Summary: After the announcement of your betrothal to a well-known merchant sailor is derailed by his sudden abduction, you’re tasked with trying to save his life, and yours, by finding centuries old lost gold along with a pirate you’ve heard is nothing but trouble. Captain Jin is feared by many. He lays claim to whatever he desires, and does so easily. That is until he meets you. Taken by a long, lost friend, he knows damn well you are spoken for. But that is exactly what has him so intrigued by you.
⟶ Setting Sail Soon
✶ Title: Serpents Sea
✶ Author: @jeonjcngkook
✶ Pairing: Pirate!Yoongi x Commodore’s Fiance!Reader
✶ Tropes: Regency, Strangers to Lovers, Angst
✶ Summary: There is nobody more feared than the myth of the Seven Seas, captain Min Yoongi. No one has seen him with their own eyes but with tales of debauchery and violence, black magic and buried souls — it isn't hard to picture what such creature he may be.
You didn't have to wait too long to come face to face with the captain as a transaction that goes wrong between the pirates and your fiancé throws you into the arms of a young beautiful blonde with kind eyes as a pay off for protecting the land. And yet maybe the mesmerising captain Yoongi is the reason you wish to stay.
⟶ Setting Sail Soon
✶ Title: Ala Morn
✶ Author: @yeoldontknow
✶ Pairing: Archer & Bard!Hoseok x Space Pirate!Reader
✶ Tropes: Reincarnation, Space, Sci-Fi
✶ Summary: Wisperia Sirens are never meant to fall in love. 2000 years ago, you did, and you paid for it by watching him die miserably in your arms. In grief, you took his name, his ship, and his legacy, honoring him for eternity. Hoseok is the most famous bard of his era, and you are the only subject that has ever carried fascination for him. Determined to meet you, he sneaks onto your ship and plans to write the first honest song about you. But then, why are you so strikingly familiar? Why do you look at him with coldness in your jaw and warmth in your eyes? Why do the words come so easily? Why does he find it so easy to love a pirate?
⟶ Setting Sail Soon
✶ Title: Melodies Of Your Heart
✶ Author: @jimilter
✶ Pairing: Pirate!Jimin x Siren Princess!Reader
✶ Tropes: Strangers to Lovers, Drama, Fantasy
✶ Summary: The kingdom of Carmen Deae which lies calmly beneath the turbulent Cantiuncula sea, is inhabited by mystical females that sing deathly Melodies. Every mermaid, on becoming of age, is sent for a human male that crosses the sea. Once with child, she returns to the kingdom a Siren. However, you – the youngest princess of Carmen Deae – refuse to have intimacy be an act of treachery committed for your species’ survival. You wish for love.
Cutting through Cantiuncula and drifting ashore to your heart, Captain Park Jimin is beautiful, kind and enigmatic. But allowing yourself to love him – would mean partaking in the very rite you shun.
What must you do?
⟶ Setting Sail Soon
✶ Title: No Survivors
✶ Author: @inkedtae
✶ Pairing: Capricornus!Taehyung x Pirate!Reader
✶ Tropes: Strangers to Lovers, Horror, Drama
✶ Summary: The storm seemed to come from somewhere other than the sky. One moment, the stars were swallowing the sky and in the next, the sea was swallowing your ship. Every member of your crew abandoned ship and you cursed them under your breath as the gale tore apart your mainsail. You didn't think anyone heard you. But he did. The Capricornus heard, and he would like to invite you to dinner.
⟶ Setting Sail Soon
✶ Title: Tentative Tides
✶ Author: @amourtae
✶ Pairing: Pirate!Jungkook x Princess!Reader
✶ Tropes: Forbidden Romance, Enemies to Lovers, Age Gap
✶ Summary: Don’t unravel the past. Don’t contemplate the future. And don’t fall in love with a grouchy pirate.
Your family castle, Winter Hill, stands boldly on the sandy beyond, admired by all who sail past, yet never appreciated by you. A castle that stands as though it has emerged from a fairytale, instead reminds you of a lifetime that was solely full of grief. Your only escapes were the books left by your mother in her old library, and the majestic sea that your chambers overlook, the perfume of salty water lingering through your window every morning. Tired of not being able to physically revel in the beautiful blues, you sneak away onto a ship, hoping to see the wonders that lie beyond your caged home.
Disguising yourself as a cabin boy, you manage to last 3 days until the Captain’s son catches onto your little act. In order to prevent him from revealing your secret to your father, you’re forced to give in to his 3 condition… to hide yourself from the rest of the crew, to stop gawking at him upon every chance you receive, and to tell him about the secrets that lie beyond the castle.
Summary: Years before all the heartbreak and drama, Kim Taehyung walked onto my paddock at Suzuka. Try as I might to look away, he was the only thing I could see on track.
or
How Taehyung and Dilara first met
Pairing: Taehyung x OC
Genre: Fluff, smut, angst
Word count: 27.5 K
Rating: 18+
Warnings: mentions of anxiety, stress, sexism, jealousy, heavy making out, blowjobs, fingering, dirty talk, sex
A/N: In honour of one of the best tracks on the calendar (but a questionable race :/), I've decided to post the first draft of Taehyung and Dilara's origin story! The initial idea was to just post an excerpt but not only was it too hard to choose, but so many of you wonderful readers requested the entire thing (despite the 40K threat) and after a point I couldn't imagine cutting anything out.
Do remember, though, this was written a very very long time ago, over a year before I even opened this blog. So while this is canon, in that these events already have and will continue to be referred to in future fics, there will be minor inconsistencies and differences in style of writing compared to the rest of the series. The biggest of these is probably that it's told from a first person POV, ie. Dilara's POV.
That being said, this is the first BTS fic I ever wrote and is therefore vv special to me, and I hope you all love it too :) It is set eight months prior to Los Angeles over the span of a race weekend.
(Also, congratulations to Max Verstappen who became two-time world champion today 🇳🇱)
Listen to: “on se plaît” by françoise hardy
part 2 | taehyung masterlist | main masterlist
a night to remember
Something’s different.
I stare at the ten foot poster, frowning and tapping my foot as the coffee in my cup sloshes around softly. Something’s different. I’m sure of it. My eyes skim everything; my own face, hair and race suit until the poster cuts off at the torso, followed by Max’s features and everything else on the poster. I still can’t figure it out.
Someone sidles up to me. “Do you know that from back there, it looks like you’re just admiring a poster of yourself?”
I shake my head, not changing my posture one bit. “Something’s different.” From the corner of my eye, I see Max frown, studying the poster himself. For all his fame as a hot-headed prodigy in Formula One, guaranteed future world champion and my very own teammate at Red Bull Racing, he looks just as confused as I am.
“I think my hair is parted differently,” he says thoughtfully after about a minute.
“No, it’s not that.”
“Well, maybe it’s the fact that you’re smiling. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile this -”
“It’s nothing to do with our faces,” I interrupt him, rolling my eyes. “It’s something else… the background or design or - or layout…” There’s a few more seconds of silence before Max sighs.
“Alright, I’ve lost interest. Can we go inside now?”
“I’m right behind you,” I murmur absently, now scanning the text at the bottom of the poster.
“Dilara, Christian is literally looking right at you from the Red Bull enclosure.”
That gets me to pay attention. I snap away from the poster in the parking lot and join a mildly smug Max as he makes his way into Suzuka, the circuit in Japan. One of the last races of the season, Japan is chilly as expected and I internally groan in anticipation of the three days of the weekend that we’ll need to drive around in the cold, waiting for our tires to heat up before they can really zoom.
Thursday is PR day, however. All of us drivers have reached the paddock early in the morning, straight from the airport from the looks of it, while our luggage gets wheeled to our hotel about twenty minutes away from the circuit. I’m not the only one that’s jetlagged and bleary-eyed; from across the paddock, I see Lewis Hamilton, seven-time world champion, in Ray Bans and what looks like a set of robes over his jeans, rubbing his eyes as he looks down at his phone. Behind him, Daniel Ricciardo and his trainer Michael appear in identical McLaren hoodies, slow and unsmiling, with large coffees in their hands. I take a sip from my own when Max groans.
“What a shitty PR schedule?” Max doesn’t bother with any more small talk and gets straight to the point. “Why can’t we just have PR where all we need to do is sit and answer a bunch of questions?” he complains, reaching for my cup without permission.
I make a sound of annoyance but let go of the cup without much protest. Becoming friends with Max was as easy as it was unexpected, despite the fact that I share a first name with his ex. We don’t talk about it or even refer to it, but when everyone was in Monaco a week early for Daniel’s birthday party, the unspoken assumption was that I would be crashing at Max’s.
“One final year of Honda PR,” I tell him, trying to be comforting but failing, for I don’t want to sit around while a bunch of people talk in Japanese and Christian, our prematurely greying team principal in his early forties, pretends to not be annoyed while he answers questions in his dry English accent. “Gotta suck it up, though. They did deliver some pretty good engines the last couple of years. I was hoping to get in a quick workout today before leaving, though. It’s like a three hour drive to Tokyo.”
“Taking time away from your fangirling, is it?” Max grins when I squirm, reaching over and snatching my coffee back.
“I don’t fangirl,” I reply shortly. “Not in public anyway.”
“What about -”
“And that one night in Ibiza.” I don’t bother explaining to him that I was drunk and that the entire club was jamming to Daechwita. Max just wouldn’t understand.
He does give me a look, though. “You’re telling me you won’t fangirl while you’re at their concert? How would that even happen?”
“So we’re officially using fangirl as a verb, then? Believe me, no one’s going to be noticing what I’m doing at the concert,” I inform him confidently. “There’s probably a one percent overlap between BTS fans and F1 fans anyway - I’m pretty sure I’ll be anonymous.”
“Oh, sure, we’ll see.”
Over the year or so that I’ve known Max, I’ve gotten used to his need to add a sarcastic comment everywhere, irrespective of the context, which is why it takes me almost a minute to process what he’s just said.
“Wait.” I slow down slightly before frowning up at him. “What did you just say?”
Max raises his eyebrows under his Red Bull cap, ignoring a photographer who darts in front of us to take a picture (Red Bull teammates enter the paddock together!). “I said we’ll see.”
“Yeah, but… you’re being facetious, right?”
“Not a hundred percent sure what that word means but I’m going with no.” When I stare at him, eyes widening, he frowns in confusion. “I meant, we’ll see because we’ll be there,” he explains kindly.
“No, no, no, no,” I mutter, slapping his shoulder. “What does that mean? How are you - how did you even get tickets?”
“Lily got them for us.”
Lily, meaning Lily He, Chinese-American golfer dating Alex Albon, another fellow driver. Also the person who got me my ticket. “Um -” I clear my throat, trying to make sense of this. “Lily said she was getting tickets for us.”
“Yeah. That’s what she did,” he says calmly, reaching for my coffee again.
“No, as in, her and me, us,” I say tightly, feeling my heart race. Max Verstappen cannot see me at a BTS concert. “And Lexie, of course.
“Didn’t Lexie get food poisoning or something?”
I sigh. My trainer and probably the closest friend I have these days threw up on the flight from London to Tokyo and given the tight circle that is the F1 community, the news probably travelled to everyone before we even landed. It’s a blow, but there’s not much I can do about it.
“Yeah, she did,” I confirm, trying to hide my disappointment at losing my trainer for a day. “I told her not to eat ramen at Kuala Lumpur airport. Anyway,” I add hurriedly, getting back on track, “I thought Lily would just give that ticket to Alex and that’s it.”
“Oh, so you don’t mind if Alex goes with you?”
“No. He’s nice. And he can't make fun of me without making fun of Lily, too,” I point out, shrugging.
“Well, Lily’s us definitely included more people than you and Lexie. She got tickets for George and Lando, too, but George isn’t landing until the evening so -” He shrugs exaggeratedly, clearly oblivious to my growing horror.
George, Alex’s oldest friend and driver for Mercedes wouldn’t have been half bad. He teases and banters but is overall a decent guy. Lando, of course, a twenty year old twerp in McLaren who’s sure to have at least ten memes of me floating around by tomorrow morning, might be an even worse addition than Max.
“This is a nightmare,” I state as we reach the Red Bull garage. “Just be warned, Verstappen. I still have that video of you at that Martin Garrix concert.”
“Point taken. And don’t worry - we just want to get out of this town and see Tokyo before the race weekend officially starts,” he adds, sounding almost sincere as we pass another giant poster of him and I. “If your fangirling is the most fascinating thing we see there - not our fault.” We automatically separate to enter our own garages, right after I knock his baseball cap off his head and he playfully shoves me. “We’ll head out at four, yeah?” he calls, turning around and walking backwards, hands in his pockets.
It’s far from ideal; while everyone I’m having to go with tonight is ultimately a friend, they’re also a competitor, which means there’s still a certain distance I need to keep with each of them. Going to a concert together isn’t a bad thing at all, but watching me tearfully scream in extremely basic Korean at performers my own age is not something I want them to see. Ever.
I suppose I don’t have a choice. I’ve never been lucky enough to snag tickets to a BTS concert, mostly because I’ve never been in the same location. This time, though, their calendar and the F1 calendar have somehow overlapped - and even that’s only due to a stroke of luck that they decided to add a few more Asian concerts before their tour officially comes to a close.
I had no idea, of course; ever since I moved from F2 into F1, I’ve only barely managed to keep up with their music, let alone anything else - I couldn’t even tell you what colour hair they’re currently sporting. Today is the last concert, though - the absolute last one - so when Lily called me as she sat in front of her laptop, waiting to pounce the moment tickets went live, I said yes without a second thought.
After an hour at the gym and a quick shower, I reach the paddock the same time that Max does. Near the Red Bull enclosure is a huge standee with both our faces on it, similar to the one I was staring at in the parking lot, Max looking smug and so Dutch while I tilt my chin down and look up with only a hint of a smile. It was a suggestion from my publicist: “You’re a girl - the only girl - and people will underestimate you. Try not to smile too much. Stay somewhere in between the Gasly and Raikonnen territory - far away from the Ricciardo area.” Under our picture is a stream of sponsor logos, starting with Honda. I frown as we walk past it, still unable to put my finger on what’s wrong with it.
Once we’re inside, I’m descended upon by hair and make-up, who touch up my cheeks and hair until PR officially starts. Half an hour in, I’m taking a break outside my garage, drinking a bottle of water and talking to Tom Clarkson, a journalist, who’s passing by on his way to the McLaren enclosure when I see a handful of photographers approaching, backs to us, busy taking pictures of someone. My first thought for some reason is Yuki Tsunoda, the only Japanese driver, but he’s no longer on the grid… I frown, but all it takes is a moment where the photographers back away and I recognise the guest immediately.
Or guests, I should say. I can hardly believe my eyes. I almost hope I’m having a moment of unconscious bias and mixing my Asian men but I know that’s an empty hope. There’s only four of them, but they’re unmistakable: the tallest, the visual, the pretty one and the one with the cheekbones. I haven’t had favourites in this band in years, but I would recognise their faces anywhere. It’s only when Namjoon points at Max’s banner on top of his garage that I realise I’m shamelessly staring.
Calm the fuck down, Dilara. I avert my eyes instantly, wishing Tom had stayed so that it would force me to rein in the fangirl inside me, but before I can, one of the Honda PR guys meets them and says something in Japanese - presumably - and points at Max’s garage. There’s a moment of foreboding when I remember that Max is still in PR and therefore the only driver left is -
“Dilara Komyshan!” The Honda guy points at me and I make out my name in the flurry of Japanese as all four members turn to look at the same time. An entire year of media training means I automatically smile and give them a small wave as they approach. Namjoon is, as expected, the first to speak.
“Dilara, great to meet you,” he says, smiling and offering his hand. The others next to him wave and mutter their greetings. My first thought is that they’re taller than I expected - or maybe that’s because everyone looks tall when you’re five foot one. They’re also… bigger than I expected. They’re lean, but camera angles must be a thing because I suddenly feel like they’re towering over me.
They must have really taken me off guard, for without thinking, I go, “Aren’t there more of you?” I realise what I’ve said only after I’ve said it. There’s a moment of silence before all of them snort. Even though I’m embarrassed, I’m also glad; there’s usually no better way to start off a conversation than a joke. “Just four of you performing tonight?”
They’re just about coming around. “They were too lazy,” says Jimin, his smile even prettier in person. “Are you coming to the concert?” he asks, raising his eyebrows.
“First time ever,” I confess, crossing my fingers before cringing and lowering my hand. “But at least I know my favourite members now,” I add, gesturing to them and Jimin winks.
I know what I’m doing - and I have a feeling they do too. It’s not a big deal, but it does happen remarkably often. Every time a male celebrity comes to the paddock, they inevitably pass by Red Bull to meet the first and only girl on the grid. It’s never to hit on me or anything, but as per my publicist during media training: “There’s probably something about the sudden dip in testosterone in the interaction that if you flirt, they will reciprocate”. It was subtle, but I knew what she was telling me to do.
“Well, I’m everyone’s favourite.” Jin deadpans and Jimin snorts again, but my eyes automatically go towards the only member that hasn’t spoken yet. Taehyung, in a loose brown button-down and black trousers, stands silently behind the other three, his smooth face betraying only the tiniest of smirks. He’d laughed at my joke - I think, for he’d lowered his head, too, but his long hair had obscured his face entirely. Now, his dark eyes snap from Jin to me in an instant and I hold his gaze for a moment before I look back at Namjoon, who’s now talking about why they’re in the paddock. I try to pay attention, for I really do want to know why, but I’m still hyper aware of Taehyung looking at me.
Just media training. I force myself to think of them as any other celebrity; the last and only time I’d been this starstruck was when Daniel Craig had come to Silverstone in England and the humiliation of that day is not something I wish to repeat ever again, especially not with BTS.
Thankfully, another member of the Honda team appears next to me and greets them, and without thinking, I look back at Taehyung. This time, he holds my gaze for a couple of moments before turning his attention to the Honda guy. I don’t even try to follow the conversation; I just stand there politely, silently daring Taehyung to look at me again. When I chance it, his face is still smooth and impassive, with that same slight smirk as he listens to the conversation in front of him, almost as though he knows I’m looking at him. At that point, the Honda guy asks a question and Taehyung replies in Japanese, voice surprisingly deep and deadpan as ever, and the other three burst out laughing at whatever he’s said. He simply grins, clearly aware of how funny he is, and flicks his long hair out of his eyes.
At that moment, an arm goes around my shoulder and someone else joins me. “Dude, I think I figured out what’s wrong with the -” Max breaks off abruptly when he looks up, noticing only then apparently that I’m not alone. “Oh, hi, I’m Max,” he says, leaning forward to shake each of their hands.
As they greet each other, I struggle not to roll my eyes because despite Max’s sub-standard acting, none of this is a coincidence. One day, last year, when Tom Holland had come to the Portuguese Grand Prix and stopped by our garage to talk to me, Max had slithered next to me exactly like this and whisked me away, introducing me to the move. When I’d been most unimpressed, he’d informed me that there was no better way to gauge the interest of a man I’d just met than to see his reaction when another man entered the picture.
It seemed vaguely prehistoric and sexist, not least because he’d just assumed that I cared at all about a man’s interest on a race weekend, but its results had proven undeniably effective. Tom Holland had slid into my DMs that very night, Harry Styles had retweeted a picture of me and him the day after I’d met him at the French GP with a questionable caption, and Michael B Jordan - Michael B Jordan - had sent flowers straight to my London apartment. Nothing had ever happened with any of them, of course, but their gestures had been enough for me to gain a little extra, if begrudging, respect for Max.
I look up to see if Max’s move today has generated any desired results, only to see Taehyung looking at me again, face completely unreadable. His gaze flickers momentarily to Max before meeting mine again, before he flicks his hair out of his eyes and looks away towards Jimin, jawline sharp. Jackpot.
Meanwhile, Max tugs slightly. “Natalie’s waiting for us,” he tells me, pointing to the blonde journalist next to the garage, and the boys seemingly get the hint. They start saying their goodbyes and I wave back, when Namjoon says, “Hope you have a good time tonight.”
I start to smile and nod, when next to me, Max beats me to it. “Oh, we will,” he says casually, making me want to hit him. But I rein it in to the best of my abilities and simply smile, just needing this awkwardness to be over.
“See you tonight,” says Taehyung, face smooth and impassive.
I stare, for his tone makes it seem like it could be directed at both me and Max, but his eyes are still on me. The other members don’t seem to notice anything strange but I suddenly feel unbelievably grateful for Max Verstappen.
“Yeah. I can’t wait,” I add, waving and taking a step back and Max’s arm drops from around my shoulders. “Good luck.” As we walk away, Max leans down slightly.
“Think it worked?” he mutters.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say automatically. “But… what are they doing here?”
“It’s a Honda and Samsung event this weekend,” he answers, clearly pleased that he knows something I don’t. “That’s what’s wrong with the poster. There’s a Samsung logo in there. Your boyfriends got paddock passes.”
Elbowing him in the side and ignoring his grunt, I glance back one more time, making sure to flip my hair a little and see the band walking away as well - with Taehyung glancing back at me, face unreadable, a smirk at the corner of his mouth.
The rest of the afternoon passes by in a blur of random PR until we hurry back to the hotel to get ready for the concert. Tokyo is a good three hour drive away but with four F1 drivers in the car, we easily make it in under two and a half. Since Lando and Alex seemingly have no intention of drinking at all tonight, Max, Lily and I relax a bit and decide to have a good time, pre-gaming with a round of shots at a sushi bar close to the venue.
We have good seats; since we’re all VIP (“Lily, I could kiss you.”) and have a balcony to ourselves, we’re allowed to be liberal with seat numbers and, more importantly, are allowed alcohol. Lando, true to form, procures beer from somewhere, placing two six packs under one of the seats and passing cans of some Japanese brand around. About fifteen minutes before the band is announced, by which time fans are already screaming in the thousands and we are buzzed as hell, a bouncer-type comes up to us.
“Komyshan?” All four of my companions point to me as I raise my hand curiously. He hands me a white envelope, shrugging when I ask him what it is before walking away.
As he leaves, I tear it open to find a card in my hand, approximately the size of my phone. There’s a picture of BTS on one side, with the logo and details of today’s concert. On the back is a QR code, followed by the unmistakable words that tell me what it is, despite my disbelief: a backstage pass. For a moment, I’m speechless while Lily groans softly in longing and Alex and Lando frown. “How’d you get that?” Alex asks, looking over my shoulder with ease, six foot frame coming in handy.
I don’t know where to begin. I don’t know how they knew for sure that I’d arrived, when I had, and how the bouncer had found me. Fortunately, Max comes to my rescue once more. “She met the band today,” he says nonchalantly. Alex and Lily shrug it away, the latter still eyeing the pass in disappointment, but Lando, who is no stranger to my occasional brushes with male celebrities, raises an eyebrow knowingly.
“Shut up,” I mutter, even as I continue to wonder how and why they’ve singled me out with a pass. As far as I remember, backstage passes aren’t even a thing BTS does very often. In fact, I’m not even wholly sure that it’s from the band. The smallest, most optimistic part of me that’s replayed my brief interaction with Kim Taehyung over and over in my head, feels convinced that it’s he who’s sent it - or at least it’s he that the rest of the band has agreed to send it for.
But when the band finally comes out and the crowd screams deafeningly, my heart sinks a bit, for there’s no way in hell that I’m the only one that has a backstage pass. Immediately, I feel like slapping myself for reading this deeply into an interaction that had lasted less than three seconds - in fact, if I have to guess, Taehyung doesn’t remember it at all and the only reason they’ve sent it is to be polite, since we met in what can be considered backstage at my place of work.
It’s an incredible experience, though. All seven members have a stage presence of their own, different people stealing the show depending on the song. My eyes keep going only to one member, though. When Taehyung sings, smiles, or does literally anything else, I’m left with nothing to do but admire how exhilarated he seems when he looks at the crowd, how his long and sweaty hair falls into his eyes, how his trademark smirk widens to become the smile that I’m sure will one day kill me.
They do plenty of crowd work in Japanese - in which, it seems, most of the band is fluent - and the crowd screams and laughs. None of the five of us understand anything except for the bits they say in English, of course, but Max is hopped up on enough liquor to jam to the music while Lando keeps busy streaming what feels like the entire concert, and Lily and I sing along to nearly every song.
At first, the distance to the stage had seemed much smaller. I’d half-expected at least one of the members (Taehyung, Taehyung) to spot me but when they’d come on, it was clear that they were performing to the crowd and not sections of it. The realisation had been mildly disappointing but it also meant that I could enjoy the concert without feeling too conscious, even as I forced myself to remember the people I was here with.
It’s objectively a wonderful concert. At the end of it, Lily and I are still buzzing as we head out with the guys. Just as we reach the door, I stop.
Max turns. “What?”
I don’t answer. The backstage pass feels like it’s burning a hole through my sling bag. I want to go, but this would be the first time in my whole life that I’ve ever entered a party alone. Max seems to know where my thoughts are. “You want to go?”
“I -”
“Of course she does!” Lily exclaims. When I say nothing, she turns to me incredulously. “You - you do, right? You actually have a backstage pass, Dilara,” she explains to me slowly, as though I’m a toddler. “This chance will literally never come again.”
“But…” I’m suddenly stumped. “What - what do I do backstage? What do people do at parties? Do I - do I mingle?”
Alex and Lando, my fellow introverts, seem to seriously ponder this question. Max just squints at me thoughtfully while Lily half-glares at me. “Yes,” she deadpans.
She’s right, of course. I take out the pass and stare at it, hoping the answer will jump out at me. Finally, I look up. “If I’m not back in fifteen, you guys go on without me.”
Lando's eyebrows rise high up his forehead as Lily beams, but Max is much less subtle. He snickers and nods, telling me in a low voice to go and get lucky. Ignoring him, I take a deep breath and head backstage.
It turns out that "backstage" isn't actually backstage at all; a docent informs me that the backstage party is taking place at the hotel across the street where the band is staying tonight before leaving for their next destination in the morning. When I reach, the party is in full swing. I was right: there are at least a hundred people here, most of them girls, almost all of them with drinks as a Dua Lipa song plays on the speakers.
It's not as dark as I'd expected it to be. In fact, it’s less like the rock and roll afterparties I’d imagined and more of a lounge night, with a nice vibe and what looks like an open bar. The lights are dimmed and the music is blaring, but I spot the band almost the moment I enter. I spot Namjoon with a drink, standing with Jin and Suga as they laugh at something. Next to them is Hoseok, enthusiastically talking to a couple of girls, both of them hanging onto his every word. On the other side, Taehyung, Jimin and Jungkook bop to the music together, looking effortlessly graceful as they do so.
Now that I've spotted the maknae line, I have no idea what to do. It's far too awkward to walk further into the party while not knowing a soul. Even when I scan the rest of the crowd, I can’t really tell who they are. They definitely aren’t fans; everyone is dressed in designer-wear which makes me wonder if this, too, is a PR-related afterparty. It would certainly explain my presence here. Just as I start to wonder if this is all a terrible idea, from all the way across the room, Taehyung's eyes meet mine.
Before anything else can happen, though, we're blocked by a bunch of people entering the makeshift dance floor. Suddenly feeling uncomfortably alone, I go to the bar and order a beer - anything to not feel this awkward. The feeling doesn't last, though, and when another ten minutes pass and I don't see Taehyung anywhere, I get ready to admit defeat.
I turn around to leave, placing my beer on the bar and calling Max, when I finally see him again. I don't know if he knows that I was just about to leave, but this time he sees me and starts walking straight towards me, squeezing through the crowd of dancing people.
I stay rooted to the spot, my phone at my ear but the ringing sounds more distant by the second. When he reaches me, he places a hand behind me on the bar and leans in to speak into my ear. His long hair brushes my cheek and I catch a whiff of cologne.
"Do you want to go somewhere quiet?" Taehyung asks, sounding like deep velvet.
Finally.
I hesitate for a second and then nod, trying not to seem too eager, and motion for him to lead the way. My phone call is forgotten as I follow him through a side door, a couple of dark corridors and two flights of stairs to what looks like a balcony. I step out onto it, registering the long patch of fake grass and soft and sparkly lighting, to see us overlooking the pool of the hotel. Okay, this is it.
I can feel Taehyung behind me, albeit a few feet away. I turn around to see him with his hands in his pockets, long hair falling into his eyes, surveying his surroundings with a mildly satisfied expression - I can’t tell for sure, because his face is just so goddamn unreadable. His eyes land on me, though, and - I know it sounds ridiculous - but the night suddenly feels warmer.
“I feel like Rapunzel,” I begin, peering over my shoulder at the ground again, not knowing how else to mention my deathly fear of heights. When Taehyung simply tilts his head curiously, I continue. “Rapunzel. She had really long hair, locked up in -”
“No, I know Rapunzel,” he interrupts, looking slightly amused. “Should I rescue you, princess?” he asks seriously, raising his hand to his side in a fist as though holding an invisible sword.
I almost laugh. The Paddock’s Princess was what the media had titled my first feature article when I started in Formula One, a slightly sexist nod to the first girl in the sport. Some fans who couldn’t stand the sight of me on the grid used it with vigour on social media until my fellow drivers started deliberately using it, too, succeeding in eventually turning it into a somewhat casual nickname rather than an insult.
I highly doubt Taehyung knows this. In fact, hearing the name come out of his mouth makes me feel something else entirely. It’s incredible that he’s already eliciting such ridiculous thoughts in my mind; the only saving grace is that I’ve resisted displaying it so far - and it’s only because he seems to know the effect he has on me. “Oh, please, my prince,” I answer dryly, putting a hand to my chest. “Help me?”
Taehyung smirks, like he’s enjoying an inside joke. “Did you enjoy the show?” he asks, voice calm and deep. The Korean lilt in his voice is more pronounced than some of the other members’, based on the few things they’d said on stage and certainly more than Namjoon’s. It makes my toes curl inside my shoes.
“Of course,” I say honestly, leaning back against the railing. “My friends enjoyed it, too.” I say it without thinking but if Taehyung thinks of Max, he doesn’t show it.
“Oh, I know. I saw you dancing.”
I raise my eyebrows, genuinely surprised. “You - you did? There were some ten thousand people there.”
“You were in the VIP box. It wasn’t hard.” His smirk is more pronounced now as my face starts to heat up. “You’re a good dancer.”
“Thank you. You’re a good singer.”
That makes him laugh. His smile hits me like a ton of bricks and I know that I absolutely have to see it again, that I’ll do whatever it takes to make it happen. “Show me what you know,” he suggests.
I laugh nervously. “No… no way. My dancing is for my trainer and my studio only.”
“Isn’t there a video of it?”
I stare, having forgotten this rather important detail. “There is, but that was filmed against my will.” I shake my head. “I don’t - I don’t dance in public.” Definitely not in front of an idol who does it professionally.
“You were fine dancing in public during the show,” he points out. If my mortification shows on my face, he doesn’t comment on it. “If you dance, I’ll sing,” he suggests.
It hardly seems fair, so I cross my arms across my chest and raise an eyebrow. In response, he simply sits on the floor on the fake grass, leaning back on his hands with his legs stretched out in front of him, looking up at me expectantly.
“You really want to see me dance to one of your songs?”
He shrugs. “I performed for you,” he points out.
I scoff. “You didn’t perform for me, you performed for the thousands of fans in the audience.” I cringe inwardly the moment I’ve said it, half-expecting a corny line like But I was only looking at one, but all Taehyung does is slowly smirk a bit more, as though daring me to guess what he’s thinking.
"Oh, come on, don't be afraid to get it wrong," he says smoothly. "I'll help you." He says it very casually but I have a feeling he knows what he's doing, because despite how nervous I am, the one thing I can’t let go of as a professional athlete is a challenge.
“I’m not afraid.”
It’s the wrong thing to say because based on his smirk, he knows he’s hit a nerve. “Dance for me, princess,” he says softly, only halfway back in character.
I would normally die rather than say this, for it’s the most filmy line imaginable. But then again, nothing about this night feels real, so I say it before I can stop myself.
“Make me,” I say, meaning it.
Taehyung stares. Then he shrugs and stands up, dusting off his hands as he comes up to stand behind me. My smirk fades when I realise he’s taking me at my word.
“Like this,” he says, turning me slightly so that we step together. He’s just about a head taller than me; the top of my head reaches his jaw and his chest brushes my back. I do my best not to sink into him and try instead to focus on what he’s doing. “And up, step, step, turn…” Taehyung’s hands fall from my shoulders to brush my arms and down to my hands, so casually that I barely notice until the last step when I turn around and he doesn’t. Instead, our arms crossed and fingers still intertwined, he lowers his head and kisses me mid-turn.
Or I kiss him. I’m not sure. But we kiss, and all I can think is Fucking finally and Holy shit, this is what people mean when they say fireworks. One of his hands drops mine and comes up to my face, brushing my hair. It’s a really, really nice kiss, all lips and butterflies and hormones. I start raising my hand, wanting so badly to run it through his hair when his phone rings.
Taehyung pulls away, face scrunched up in annoyance and embarrassment. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs, dropping my hand and reaching for his phone. “I need to -”
“Go ahead,” I tell him, taking a small step back, feeling somewhat glad that I get a few seconds to process what’s just happened. He nods and touches my arm before stepping away and answering the call. All I can make out is Jungkook’s name amidst all the Korean. If I have to guess, his bandmates are trying to locate him. I remember then that I’d called Max a while back; I whip out my phone and find a message from him.
Did you call me? We’re at a club one block over and I can’t hear a thing. A few minutes after this message, he’d sent another. Oi, Komyshan. You alright?
I frown, trying to suppress my smile at how perfectly alright I am. I turn around to see Taehyung still on the phone, body tilted towards me but looking away as he speaks to Jungkook. Suddenly, even though he tries to cover it up, I hear my name. It’s the first time he’s said it - Dilara - and with his deep, raspy voice and Korean lilt, it sounds like a song. I make up my mind in an instant and reply to Max. I’m good.
Taehyung’s call ends and he puts his phone back in his pocket before walking up to me slowly. “So… where were we?”
I grin. “You were teaching me how to dance.” Just as he nears me, I take a step back. “Uh-uh. You aren’t going to rescue me from this big, scary tower first?” I ask dramatically, flipping my hair over my shoulder.
He stops in his tracks. For a moment, I’m afraid he thinks I’m a complete lunatic. I know half my friends definitely think that, every time they ask me the time or to pass them a bottle of water, and I respond with a line out of a movie. But before I can step back and hastily apologise, he grabs my wrists in his hands and tugs.
“It’s more fun if I’m the one holding you up here,” he suggests, tilting his head again like he’s asking my permission to change the story. When I bite my lip, trying to suppress a smile, he tightens his grip and narrows his eyes. “You can’t escape me, princess.”
“Yeah, I think I’m okay with that,” I murmur, throwing caution to the wind and reaching up to kiss him again. He responds immediately, pulling me even closer as his arms go around my waist, his much taller figure engulfing me as I stumble backwards.
Keeping me close, Taehyung snickers against my lips. “You’re a very easy captive,” he teases, biting my bottom lip and kissing me immediately, swallowing my gasp of surprise.
“I’m pretty sure I’m stronger than you,” I inform him, wrapping my arms around his neck and finally running a hand through his thick hair, returning his kiss. “I could totally get out of this if I wanted to.”
“M-hm?” Taehyung brings a hand up to my face to kiss me deeper and I feel all vestiges of self-control about to leave me. “It’s a good thing you don’t want to, no?” he mutters, backing me into the railing before pulling away. “Still want to be rescued?” he asks cockily, tilting his head towards the drop.
Barely suppressing a smile and feeling my cheeks flushed, I playfully push him in the chest, making him stumble. “I can escape you all by myself,” I remind him, ducking out from under his arm and walking away, my heart skipping a beat when I hear him laugh behind me.
Before long, we end up lying down on the grass next to each other, making out, playing around and just talking for what feels like hours. His grasp on the English language is better than he gives himself credit for; it’s good enough to carry on a conversation, like we’re doing, although he does stop every now and then to recall a word or to ask me for one. I remember how he didn’t speak much at the paddock; does it mean he trusts me a bit more now? It’s strange but I know I do, enough for someone I’ve known for less than half a day, enough that talking to him feels like the easiest, most natural thing in the world.
“You can call me Tae, by the way,” he says after a while, lying down on his back with his shirt unbuttoned and looking up at me. His long hair looks jet black against the bright green grass and, finally giving into my urge, I reach over and brush his bangs out of his eyes from where I’m lying down on my stomach next to him, propped up on my elbows. “Although I like how you say Taehyung, too.”
I bite my lip. “Really? I think I’m getting the accent wrong.”
“Not really. Where’s your accent from? It sounds English, but…” He tilts his head again, squinting slightly.
“Yeah, it’s English, mostly,” I reply, a bit evasively. “I moved to London when I was a kid so my old accent is probably in there somewhere. I think I’ll just call you Tae, though,” I add quickly, hoping to move on. “And you can call me…” I trail off here, because I don’t actually have a shortened version of my name that anyone calls me. “Just Dilara, I guess.”
Taehyung chuckles. “It’s a nice name,” he remarks, playing with the ends of my hair where it’s falling down my shoulder. “Sounds really nice. Dilara.”
I lower my head slightly, feeling my face get hot, suddenly glad I don’t blush. “Thank you. It’s Persian. My mother named me.”
“Is she Persian?”
“Not exactly.” He continues looking at me expectantly, so I give him one more detail. “She’s Asian.” I don’t go any further and I can tell he’s picked up on my deliberate silence.
“You’re Asian?”
“Yes.”
“Oh.” His face is unreadable once again, but I can hear the curiosity behind that one word. I picture him trying to place me, taking into account my name, the beige complexion, my facial features and eliminating East Asian countries immediately. I feel my stomach squirm unpleasantly the longer he watches me and I drop my gaze. His slender fingers have paused, a lock of my hair looped around one of them. “And Komyshan?” he asks after a moment, a bit softer.
I bite my lip. “It’s Ukrainian. My stepfather is Ukrainian and… I took his name when I turned fifteen.” This is as far as I can go, at least with a virtual stranger, no matter how infatuated I am with him. I wonder if he’ll Google me after this; Wikipedia might be able to shed a bit more light but the most intimate details have thankfully remained wholly private. I raise my eyes to look at him again, making my stance clear.
His expression, still mostly unreadable, can only be described as thoughtful. He’s truly beautiful, I acknowledge, momentarily diverted. After a moment, his fingers resume their absent playing with my hair. “Dilara is prettier,” he says in a matter-of-fact way, as though coming to a conclusion.
Once again, the sound of my name from his lips is enough to get my heart to skip a beat. “You think so?”
“Definitely,” he chuckles, sitting up and gently pushing me back down, his long hair tickling my face as he kisses me again. I kiss him back, sighing into his mouth as he pulls me gently by the waist and, if I’m not mistaken, silently apologising for prying.
I almost forget that it’s a Thursday night before race weekend; being with Taehyung on this balcony with absolutely no one else feels like something you’d see in a movie. We talk well into the night about anything and everything - his tour, my first year in F1, places we’ve visited, funny things that have happened to us. He’s easily one of the most charming and charismatic men I’ve ever met in my life and I can feel myself falling fast and hard for someone who, for all intents and purposes, was a stranger just earlier today.
“So tomorrow is when the race weekend actually starts?”
I nod, mouth full, as I pass him the protein bar. We’re sitting facing each other, cross-legged, sharing a protein bar I found in my bag, the only source of food we have up here. There’s a paper napkin between us on which I’ve drawn a rough sketch of the Suzuka circuit from memory, pointing out the difficult corners everyone’s worried about. Tae watched me as I drew and explained, brushing his hair out of his eyes as his face scrunched up in concentration.
“Tomorrow we get two hours of free practice,” I tell him, already looking forward to it. “We get to just take out our cars and get used to the track. Then we have one more hour of free practice on Saturday morning, followed by Qualifying in the afternoon and then the race on Sunday.”
Tae frowns as he chews. His shirt is buttoned up halfway now and all the sexiness he’d put on a little while back has disappeared. “How do you decide who starts first? In the race?”
“Well, that’s what Qualifying’s for. All twenty cars do the fastest lap they can and the slowest five get eliminated. Then the remaining fifteen do their laps again, and the slowest five get eliminated again. Finally the top ten do their laps one last time and based on everyone’s speed in their fastest lap, we decide who gets to start where.”
“Wow.” Taehyung nods. “Sounds stressful.”
It is, but I don’t say it out loud. It’s an unspoken rule in Formula One - in most sports, I would presume: you never let your competitors see you stressed. Ever. In F1, given that there’s just twenty of us who are friends, teammates and competitors all at once, it becomes all the more difficult but even more important.
The jet lag is properly hitting me now and the concert could not have been easy for him. But it’s clear that neither of us wants to leave. He makes me laugh. So much. It’s insane how witty he is and with my momentary flashes of sarcasm and self-deprecation, we end up laughing so much it starts to hurt. But I don’t lose sight of reality. As time passes, I know that we’re getting just that much closer to probably never seeing each other again.
We’re lying down next to each other on the fake grass while Taehyung absently plays with my fingers, humming something under his breath. It sounds extremely familiar but the drink and the exhaustion is making it impossible to identify and it’s starting to drive me crazy. I think about asking him but that would mean disturbing the moment and nothing right now is worth that.
“How will you get back to your hotel?” he asks after a while.
“My friends are still here in Tokyo, so I’ll go back with them. Whenever they decide to leave,” I add after a moment. I can feel him stiffen next to me and I guess that he’s looking forward to that just about as much as I am. My chest suddenly feels heavy, like it’s closing up, and when I feel my eyes sting, I realise that I absolutely, so badly don’t want to leave. A small part of me notes how ridiculous this is, how extreme my reaction is at the thought of saying goodbye to what is barely even a one-night stand.
Taehyung has asked me another question, but I haven’t heard it. He sits up on his elbows and turns to me and I can see him frown at the look on my face, whatever it is. “What’s - what’s wrong?”
“I -” What do I say? No matter how crazy I’m being, there is no way I can tell him what I’m thinking. I open my mouth and close it again. “It’s - it’s nothing.”
It doesn't work. In fact, his face doesn't move at all. "Dilara." There it is again. He says my name and it sounds like a goodbye song.
I try again. "I…" But it's impossible with him watching me so intently. I look away. "I… don't want to leave," I say slowly, hoping it sounds like I just don't want to leave the city, not that I don't want to leave him.
His face remains as unreadable as ever, but I think I see a flicker of relief in his eyes and the deep breath he takes. He's quiet for a moment where I wonder if I've freaked him out.
"Then don't." He says it in the same matter-of-fact way. I force a chuckle but don’t disagree with him. I look slightly lower; he’s still wearing a bunch of jewellery from the concert. Most of it is pretty blingy, but one of them is a black string with what looks like a guitar pick for a pendant. I want to ask what it is but I’m afraid that if I open my mouth, he’ll hear my voice tremble and then I’ll have to kill myself. So I hook my finger around the string and tug slightly, and he bends his head and kisses me again.
The next thing I know, I’m being woken up by a phone ringing - mine, this time. I frown and look around; it’s still night, I’m still on the balcony, and Taehyung is still with me. At some point, we’ve fallen asleep, me on my back with one leg bent at the knee with Tae beside me, one arm around my waist, one leg on me, and his head buried in my neck. He stirs as I sit up, looking adorably annoyed as he opens his eyes slowly.
I scramble for my phone to see a call from Max. My eyes dart up to the clock on my phone and I breathe a sigh of relief. It’s only one a.m.; it’s not great, but it’s not a disaster either. Of course, it means it’s Friday, or -
“FP,” I whisper, realising that no matter how fast we drive to get back to the hotel, if Max and I aren’t in top form for practice, Christian is going to kill us, or worse, kick us off the team. I answer the call, bracing myself.
“Hey, where are you?”
“Hey, Max,” I say, hoping he doesn’t hear the sleep in my voice. “I’m, uh, across the street from the concert. Are you - are you guys leaving?” I turn to see Tae, now sitting up and watching me with sleepy eyes, messy hair and something else in his expression I can’t identify. I can’t help but smile and shake my head at him, when his phone rings as well. He looks at the screen and swears in Korean before picking up the call.
“Wait, who is that?” Max’s epic hearing comes into play. “Are you with -”
“Can you just tell me where to meet you?” I interrupt him, the thought suddenly occurring to me that he probably thought I was at a party this whole time. He gives me a location about two minutes away from where I am and hangs up, but not before telling me to hurry the fuck up.
Shit. Free practice. I’m not drunk anymore, but I’m definitely running on a lack of rest. I have no idea how tomorrow is going to play out but I know I need to leave now. I turn around to see Taehyung hanging up the phone as well.
“I have to go,” he says, already buttoning his shirt, before I can say anything. “I’m sorry, but my car is leaving and -”
“Yeah, I know. Me - me, too.” I don’t know what to do now. Neither does he apparently. We stand facing each other for a moment when I hear a ping. I know it’s a message from Max, that we need to leave, that we’re going to fuck everything up for our team tomorrow if we don’t. So before I lose my nerve, I reach up and press one last kiss to Tae’s mouth.
His hand snaps up to my face and he kisses me back. It takes everything I have to pull away, turn around on the spot and sprint out of there. I take the steps two at a time and run through the halls, hoping that even the slightest dose of the real world will ensure that I don’t cry in front of the guys who will never let me hear the end of it. Mercifully, by the time I’m out of the building, I’m more stressed about finding their car than anything but fortunately, Lando pulls up right in front of me and Max throws open the back door. I jump inside and the moment the door closes, the car zooms forward.
“You alright?” Alex asks from the shotgun seat.
“Yeah, you were gone a while,” comments Lando, his tone betraying all sorts of theories as to why I was possibly gone a while.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” I say, reaching for a bottle of water in between their seats and gulping down about half of it. “Just - just tired.” When they all snicker, I just roll my eyes. “Grow up. I was - it was nothing.” Yep, just Kim Taehyung and nothing else. Nothing at all.
“I’m sure “nothing” was sad to see you go,” he smirks into the rearview mirror, catching my eye and making it clear that at least one of his theories is probably confirmed.
“Well, for your information, I don’t kiss and tell.”
“Yeah, you just get a hickey instead,” says Max, brushing my hair back from my neck. I slap his hand away just as Lily pops her head up from the back row.
“Oh, leave her alone,” she pipes up, almost giving me a heart attack. “She lived the dream. Believe me, D, you are the luckiest girl in the world,” she slurs, patting my shoulder and promptly passing out.
Drunk as she might be, Lily’s words make me feel a bit better. I don’t believe I’m the luckiest, but the fact is, I did kind of live the dream tonight. Leaving Tae… it was harder than I expected, but if I have to, I’ll take what I can and just hope he doesn’t forget me.
I fall asleep in the car. Deeply, deeply asleep. I’m woken up by an equally exhausted Max and all of us clamber gracelessly out of the car and trudge towards the elevators. It opens to Daniel Ricciardo, Lando’s older teammate and resident jock of the paddock, with his trainer Michael inside, both looking sleepy as well.
“Guess we’re all fucked tomorrow, huh,” I comment, rubbing my eyes as we enter, not caring about my smudged mascara. It’s taking everything I have to stay awake - and Max to help me stand upright.
“I can’t believe the traffic,” grumbles Lando, fist bumping Daniel and going to stand next to him.
“Was it just me or were there like ten bellboys in the lobby just now?” Lily mumbles as the elevator starts moving, head on Alex’s shoulder. “Is the President arriving or something?”
“Nah, it’s some celebrity,” says Daniel as my floor arrives. “Some boy band type. That’s why we were down there. I asked for room service like an hour ago…” I tune him out as the elevator door opens and I stumble out, dreaming about my soft bed, when something clicks.
“Wait.” I turn around to see the doors closing. “Wait! What did you say?”
suzuka city
The next morning, I wake up with a mild headache and a desperate thirst. I reach blindly for my phone and realise I’ve woken up before my alarm, an unprecedented turn of events. It’s still nine a.m. though and despite the fact that FP isn’t until after lunch, I force myself out of bed and head straight for the shower, stripping off last night’s clothes on the way. The water is hot and soothing and I end up standing under the shower for a good five minutes, feeling it through my hair before I do anything else.
Last night, despite a revelation from Danny, the only thing I’d managed to do after I entered my room was kick off my shoes, take off my bag and set an alarm before I fell on my bed and passed out. I’d clearly underestimated how exhausted I was, for you’d think that I’d stay up overthinking the obvious, but not only had it seemed far too good to be true, it also made no difference, for Taehyung and I had already said our goodbyes and I’m not sure I can do that again.
But they’re brand ambassadors for Samsung, says a stupid, hopeful voice. Of course it’s them. What are the chances of two K-pop bands roaming around in Suzuka at the same time? But it matters not, for I have not one but two Free Practice sessions to focus on.
I rub a bit of product in my hair and let it air dry as I rummage around in my towel for clothes and make-up. Days without PR are not days where I’m required to wear any make-up but I do anyway, for very few things give me the kind of confidence that perfectly wing-tipped eyeliner does. I don’t have the patience or the will to blowdry my hair today, but I’m satisfied with the natural curls forming so far.
FP’s not for a while but I want to do a track walk this time - Suzuka is not easy on newcomers. And it’s raining today. So I pack a backpack with an extra Red Bull t-shirt and put on normal clothes, along with a Red Bull hoodie on top and head out of my hotel room, switching on my phone to text Lexie that I’m on my way. Before I can, however, I see a bunch of texts: one from Christian, one from Danny, one from Lily, three from Max and a bunch of Instagram alerts. I open Instagram first to see the announcement: Free Practice Cancelled On Friday Due to Rains. Under that it mentions that there’s only to be one FP tomorrow, along with Qualifying - meaning today is completely free.
My first thought is sleep. I’m in front of the elevator when I open the other messages: Christian’s is purely informative, Danny’s asked if I want to explore the city with him and Mike and Charles, while Max has informed me that there’s a FIFA tournament taking place in the game room and if I’d like to join. I’m just about processing that I can’t test my car today, when the lift doors open and I look up to lock eyes with one Kim Taehyung.
He looks just as surprised as I am. A baseball cap perched backwards on his head, he looks up from his phone just when the doors open and his eyes widen, face breaking into a smile that he immediately struggles to suppress. I notice then that he’s not alone; Jimin, with resplendent vermillion hair, has also looked up and evidently recognised me, for he’s looking at Taehyung with raised eyebrows and a Cheshire cat grin. After a moment’s hesitation, I step in and stand next to Jimin, hyper aware of Tae on his other side.
There’s a moment of knowing silence before Jimin asks him something in Korean. Tae clears his throat and replies, and Jimin immediately turns to me with the prettiest smile in the world and says, “Dilara? I’m Jimin.”
I smile back automatically - I don’t know a single person in the world who couldn’t smile back at Park Jimin. “I - I know. We met yesterday.”
“No, I know.”
Okay. “I’m a big fan,” I reply, shaking his hand.
“A big fan of BTS or a big fan of Taehyung?” Next to him, Tae elbows him in the ribs and says something exasperatedly in Korean while I try and fail to hide a smile as I look away, basically confirming whatever Jimin is hinting at.
The elevator continues to descend. “So,” begins Jimin again, “what are your plans for today? Driving?”
“Um, no,” I say slowly, “everything’s cancelled, because of the rain, so no driving for me.” I shrug at him and chance a look at Tae next to him, who’s standing with one hand gripping the railing behind him, clearly listening to every word.
“Oh, so you’re completely free today?” Jimin asks transparently, already looking back at Taehyung with a raised eyebrow. I nod in answer and, as they begin speaking in Korean, I feel something brush my fingers. I look down to see Tae stretching his arm behind Jimin and intertwining his fingers with mine. As the elevator doors open, Jimin steps forward but we stay put, unspoken but clear - and Jimin seems to know it, too.
“He’s ditching us for you today,” he tells me in English as he steps out of the elevator and turns back to us.
“I’m sorry," I tell him cheerfully, not sorry at all, as Taehyung inches closer to me, already hurrying Jimin out.
Jimin grins. "You two have fun," he says knowingly as the doors close. I turn to Tae just as he pulls me to him and, slipping an arm around my waist, lowers his head and kisses me.
I kiss him back immediately, one hand going to the back of his head to his long hair. The elevator moves but I have no idea where to, and I don't care. I can't believe Taehyung's actually here, that I'm actually with him again, let alone making out with him in an empty elevator.
Evidently, he feels the same. His kisses are hungrier than last night and he's holding me tighter, as though he's afraid I'll vanish. Despite that, it still has the same playful, sweet, young feel to it. I run a hand down his chest, accidentally nipping his lower lip when I register hard muscle. While he'd been wearing a loose button down last night, today he's in a more form-fitting white t-shirt and jeans and I finally realise why he looked so much bigger in person than on screen. It doesn’t help to be thinking about this while we’re making out, as I find out when I involuntarily sigh into his mouth and immediately feel his jeans move. Given a choice, I'd do him right now.
But I can't. Eventually, before we both have a PR disaster, I reach for the cap on his head and take it off, pulling away and placing it on my own head. Tae pulls away and smiles down at me, shaking his hair out. "Hi."
"Hey yourself."
"Are you really free today?"
"Mhm." I nod, reaching up and kissing him again, the adrenaline pumping at the thought of spending time with him again. "One hundred percent."
"Do you want to..." He frowns, apparently searching for the word. "... explore? Explore the city with me?"
I raise an eyebrow. "Suzuka City? Um, sure… it's pretty public but we can -"
"Not exactly -" He starts to say when the doors open again and this time, Charles Leclerc steps inside. Taehyung and I immediately take a step back from each other but the damage is done.
If it's possible, Charles looks even more mortified than us. "Oh - oh, my God,” he stutters, his French accent sounding thicker than ever. “I am - I am so sorry. I didn't -"
"Charles, it’s - it’s okay," I assure him, foreseeing an I am stupid situation come to life. Both boys look so awkward that I decide to introduce them just to say something. "Tae, this is Charles. Charles, Tae."
Two sinewy forearms meet and shake hands, and they nod at each other briefly. "So, uh, I guess you won't be joining FIFA?" Charles asks, as Tae places his arm behind me on the railing.
"That would be a no." Thankfully, the elevator stops then and Charles steps out. Before he leaves though, I call his name. "Um… it goes without saying…?"
It takes him a moment to catch on but he nods. "Of course. I didn't see a thing." He nods at Taehyung and leaves. I try to believe him; I love Charles Leclerc, bless him, but I also know that he's one of the biggest gossips on the paddock. If anyone gets wind of what's been going on since last night…
I frown. It isn’t something I’ve given much thought to, if I’m being honest. I’d just assumed that both of us had to keep this quiet due to the public forums we were on. Before I can think any further about this, Tae nudges me to him.
I’ll go anywhere with you. But before this corny spiel threatens to come out of my mouth, I nod. “Let’s do it.” I promise to meet him outside by the lobby in his rental car and get out on the ground floor so that he can get to the parking lot. Truthfully, I couldn’t care less about where we go. Saying goodbye last night had been harder than expected and despite Danny’s big reveal last night, I hadn’t dared to dream that it was BTS that was staying here.
“So?” he asks again. “Do you want to go on a drive with me?”
I stop at the breakfast buffet to grab a couple of croissants before I exit the hotel and it’s only when I see Melissa Nathoo, an F1 reporter, that I realise I’m still in my Red Bull hoodie. She catches me with a cameraman following her, and shoves a recorder at me. “Dilara Komyshan is here this morning, the third driver we’ve spotted so far,” she says enthusiastically into the camera as she falls into step beside me. “Tell me, Dilara, what are your plans on a rare free day on a Formula 1 weekend?”
I rather like Melissa Nathoo overall and the media is not something to be played with, so I wave at the camera before I answer. “It is quite rare,” I agree, “but I don’t know. Not a lot of rain here yet, so I might check out the city?”
“I hear there’s a FIFA tournament going on upstairs in the hotel,” she says. “I know Max, Lando, Alex, George and Carlos are going to be there for sure. Think you’ll make an appearance?”
I chuckle and shake my head. “It sounds fun but I think I’m gonna have to ditch my boys today for - for something else.”
“Girls’ day it is, then,” she says, completely misunderstanding me but I make no effort to correct her. Behind her, I spot a black SUV with Kim Taehyung in the driver’s seat, baseball cap backwards on his head again, pulling into the driveway. He looks so hot, turning the wheel with one hand and surveying the area around him with his smooth, impassive face. He stops the car when he sees me, the slightest smile appearing and making my heart skip a beat.
I say goodbye to Melissa and, aware of the camera following me as I leave, hop into the shotgun seat quickly and slam the door shut. The car is on neutral and immediately moves forward, and we exit the premises.
“Isn’t the city way too public for you?” I ask as I hand him a croissant.
“Oh, thanks. And, yeah, it is. That’s why we’re not going into the city… exactly.” Tae says no more, just looks out the windshield with the same slight smirk on his face as he dares me to ask where.
I don’t take the bait, though. “How’s that croissant working out for you?” When he chuckles with a mouth full of bread, clearly struggling with managing both the wheel and his breakfast, I roll my eyes. “Want me to drive?”
“But you don't know where we’re going.”
“Do you?”
“Of course. I think.”
I give him a look. “Tae, hop out. I’m the professional driver,” I tell him. “Unlike you, I can drive and eat at the same time.”
He gives me a wounded look even as he stops the car. “But… then what do I do?”
“You give me directions,” I suggest. “Oh, and you’re a professional singer - why don’t you sing for me?”
Taehyung snorts and leans his head back against the seat. “I’ve missed you.”
It’s admittedly been eight hours since we’ve seen each other, but I know exactly what he means. My heart gives a jolt when he turns to me, long hair falling into his eyes. I reach over and brush it away before taking off my seatbelt and hopping out, gesturing for him to get out, too. He groans but gets off as well, brushing my waist as he goes around the car, when I see it. Someone, about twenty feet away, squinting at us.
Without further ado, I slide into the car but don’t start it. I’m sure his fanbase is as strong in Japan as anywhere in the world, so it’s no surprise that someone might recognise Taehyung, but now that I think about it, I’ve never seen any of the boys in the media with a girl before. Ever. I sneak a sideways glance at Tae as he straps on his seatbelt, once again with a mouthful of croissant, and wonder if this would bother him. But when he looks back at me and raises his eyebrows, I can’t think of anything to say.
“Um… I should take this off,” I mutter instead, shrugging off the Red Bull hoodie and tossing it into the backseat. “Too recognisable.”
“Yeah, okay. You can wear mine if you get cold,” he offers, gesturing to the backseat. “Now. Ready to go?”
We end up driving outside the city, from what I can tell. The buildings decrease, the crowds of people start thinning out, and the roads become wider. Tae has Google Maps open, but I haven’t the faintest where he’s directing me to. At first I’d thought we were just driving out somewhere, but it turns out he has a specific destination in mind. He refuses to tell me what it is, stating only that he and a few of his group members had been there last year and he thinks I’d like it. I pretend to be annoyed but it only makes him laugh and frankly, I’m more than okay with this arrangement. I love driving, the roads are nice, the weather is beautiful - and I’m with Taehyung on a rare, free day on an F1 weekend.
Despite whatever I’d said about being able to drive and eat together, Taehyung still ends up feeding me bites every couple of minutes, occasionally licking chocolate off his fingers absently. He does end up singing; he starts off by casually humming random melodies, followed by lyrics, some English and some Korean, and while I recognise some of them, I have a sneaking suspicion that he’s composing music on the fly. I want to ask, but his voice is the drug I didn’t know I needed and I can’t bring myself to interrupt him. Somewhere during the drive, his hand travels to my knee and rests there, big and warm as he occasionally taps along to whatever he’s singing.
“Tae, are you sure you’re reading the map correctly?” I ask about an hour in. So far he’d been confidently giving me directions, but now he’s peering into his phone, looking concerned.
“I think it’s this way…” he says, sounding rather unsure, looking ahead at a mostly blank expanse of the outskirts of the city. “This place does look familiar…”
I turn to him incredulously. “Every place looks like this place. There’s a town in England that looks like this,” I tell him. “Do you want to ask someone for directions?”
Taehyung looks at me and then looks outside, to see absolutely no one around. “Okay, look, it’s okay. Alright? I remember this place. There was a McDonald’s and then there was… you know, that - that tree.”
I can’t remember being this exasperated and endeared towards anyone in my entire life. “Tae?” I have to consciously resist the urge to add a baby after his name. “Just tell me where it is - or even what it is - and we can take the shortest possible -”
“Found it!” He turns to me, eyes wide and bright. “It’s here,” he says, zooming into the Maps on his phone. “It should be… there!” I look to see him pointing in the distance to a low house with a sloping roof and trees around it. “It’s right there! It should only take us…” He checks his phone and his face falls. “... another twenty-five minutes. Shit, I’m sorry, Dilara.”
But I shake my head. “I do this for a living, remember? I’ll get us there in ten. Seatbelt on.” I step on the gas and zoom. By the time we reach and I bring the car to a halt, Taehyung is plastered to the seat, breathing heavily with his face slightly green. When I hastily put on his hoodie, go over to the other side and open the door, he tumbles out, groaning and breathing heavily.
“Oh, my God.” I try not to laugh as I kneel down next to him where he’s curled up on the paved grass.
“Am I alive?” His voice is muffled. “Is the car still moving? Am I dead?”
“Shut up,” I murmur, brushing grass off his white t-shirt as he continues moaning on the ground. “Tae, you’re okay,” I tell him when he finally turns over on his back and opens his eyes slowly.
“I’m never getting into a car with you again,” he says seriously, which only makes me burst into laughter. He shakes his head and closes his eyes again, long black hair looking darker against the green grass. It suddenly reminds me of last night. I think it does the same for him, because he opens his eyes and doesn’t say anything for a few moments. He tugs on the zipper of my - his - hoodie before finally sitting up and shaking out his hair. He throws on the baseball cap and claps his hands. “Ready?”
I raise an eyebrow. “Are you?” When he chuckles and nods, I stand up and offer him a hand. He takes it but doesn’t let go, not until we reach the gates and he knocks on it with the metallic clasp. A man appears and, after a brief interaction in what I’m pretty sure is Japanese, Tae ushers me inside and takes me behind the house towards what looks like a large grassy field.
“Where are we -” But he shakes his head and gestures for me to keep moving, with his hand hovering over my back across the expanse of the field. I can hear sounds; they’re soft and high-pitched, immediately reminding me of Angry Birds for some reason. When I look back, the man who’d let us enter hasn’t moved from in front of the house and is instead watching us go.
I stop in my tracks before a small dip in the ground. The sounds are louder now and all the other silence is making me uneasy. “Tae…” He bumps into me and I feel myself backing into his chest even more. “Where - where are we?”
“Almost there.” His hands close around my shoulders. When I don’t move, he squeezes them and nudges my head with his jaw. “Dilara, come on, I promise you’ll like it.” It’s only the sound of my name in his deep voice that makes me move forward. Come on, I think, you drive tiny cars at ridiculous speeds. You can take whatever’s down there.
I keep repeating it to myself as we continue walking, Taehyung’s hands on my shoulders the entire time. Finally, when the field opens up and I open my eyes - I had no idea they were even shut - to see a field of -
“Puppies!” Taehyung hops out from behind me and throws his arms out, looking thrilled, evidently gesturing to the large backyard full of puppies of all breeds. The moment Tae backs out into the field, they yelp and yip and swarm towards him, eventually tripping him, where he laughs and stays fallen as three different puppies start crawling on top of him.
My heart is still returning to its normal speed after the anxiety of finding out what it’s in the mysterious backyard, but now it’s beginning to expand, feeling so full and so happy because I know - I just know - that if there is one more sure-shot thing that confirms that I’m falling in love with Kim Taehyung, a field full of puppies is it.
The feeling doesn’t go away the entire afternoon; in fact, if anything, it only intensifies. The serotonin that the puppies provide is incomparable. There have to be at least twenty of them, some bigger than others, all of them thrilled with the entry of two humans they’ve never met before. The owner of the dog farm only appears once after that, briefly, to check if we need anything but apart from that, Tae and I are alone. It doesn’t even matter; I know I could spend hours here, running around with a bunch of puppies and Taehyung, the only person it seems who can actually draw my attention away from them.
I catch him looking at me sometimes; while it’s mostly with laughter and happiness, once in a while, he gets this strange expression on his face, like he’s just noticed that something’s wrong. Every time he sees that I’ve noticed it, however, he shakes his head and smiles, almost like he’s telling me not to worry about it. I try not to - and succeed, for the most part. Most of the time, we’re laughing and cuddling puppies and taking pictures and videos of each other, silently desperate to commemorate today as much as we can.
Hours later, we’ve calmed down, as have the puppies. I’m lying down on the grass, two cocker spaniels curled around each other next to me and leaning their little heads against my waist. I turn my head to the side to see Tae lying back on the grass as well, a labrador falling asleep on his chest, while he strokes its head and hums a song absently. I recognise it instantly; it makes me catch my breath because he’s honestly the last person I would’ve expected to be singing a Francoise Hardy song - but for some reason, right now, it also feels like it makes complete sense.
I’m about to ask when he turns slightly to see me watching him and gives me a small smile, stretching out his arm towards me. I touch his fingers and run my thumb over a ring on his index finger. “Did we really meet at the paddock for the first time only twenty-four hours ago?” I ask softly.
Taehyung chuckles. “Seems crazy, right? I noticed you immediately, though.”
I frown playfully. “Of course you noticed me. You were talking to me - or at least the other guys were. You wanted to look all mysterious and sexy so you didn’t say anything.”
“Aw, come on,” he says, grinning and sitting up on his elbows as the labrador crawls off, “I liked you. You know I did.”
I roll my eyes before looking back up at the sky and closing them. “Define like.”
“Well…” I hear a shuffle and suddenly the sun behind my eyelids disappears and I open my eyes to see Taehyung on top of me, long hair falling on his forehead and into my eyes. “I wanted to do this -” He lowers his head and kisses my cheek “- and this -” He kisses my neck “- and this -” He kisses my lips “- and a whole lot more,” he finishes with a smirk.
Feeling my face heat up, I wordlessly grab the front of his t-shirt, pull him down and kiss him. One hand goes straight for his hair and the other stays where it is at his chest as I kiss him deeply, never ever wanting this moment to end. Tae lowers himself onto me and kisses me back with the same hunger he’d displayed this morning in the elevator; his hand goes down my waist and up my thigh as I bend my leg, and he feels so steady. I want him so bad. He’s in jeans and I’m in pretty solid leggings, but it doesn’t stop me discovering that he wants me too, at least just as bad.
I bite his lower lip and his grip on my leg tightens - and I swear he growls softly - but before I can be sure, I hear a soft yelp and feel something pushing gently against me. Taehyung pulls away immediately to see one of the puppies standing on its hind legs and using my torso to balance. The sight is so adorable that neither of us can ignore it, and he rolls off me onto my other side, breathing slightly heavily.
I sit up and bring the puppy onto my lap before turning back to Tae, who’s lying back on the ground with one hand covering his eyes. I can’t help but snicker at how disappointed he looks, which makes him look back at me and shake his head, still looking a little pissed. All I can hear Just wait until I get you alone again which, combined with how flustered I am, gets me wondering if we can start it back up again right here, right now.
However, just then the owner appears, saying something in Japanese. Taehyung sits up and replies and I get the gist: it’s time for us to leave. It’s just as well; we’re both hungry and tired so we get up and dust ourselves off - he jokingly messes up my hair as he does so before pulling me back into his chest for a quick hug. As we walk to the car, I wonder how much of the small affectionate gestures he’s even really thinking about. With the quick pecks, the occasional squeezes of the shoulder, I don’t know what worries me more: the fact that they’re seemingly natural or how much I love it.
“What do you want to eat?” Taehyung asks me, in the driver’s seat this time. “Keep in mind it’s just a town so we won’t get anything fancy.”
“Do I seem like the kind of person who’s into fancy?”
He shrugs. “You’re in the most expensive sport in the world,” he points out.
I give him a look and reach to pick a blade of grass out of his hair. “Fair enough. But I’m hungry and I know we can’t be seen, so I’m good with anything.”
The drive into town is quieter. Tae drives a little slower than I’m used to but it means longer with him, which I’m good with. We switch on the radio this time and a Post Malone song starts from the middle and Tae immediately starts singing along, his deep voice a whole octave lower than Malone’s. I roll down the window and look out, letting the wind blow through my bangs and closing my eyes. I look around after a few minutes to see Taehyung with one hand on the steering wheel and the other pointing his phone at me.
“Tae!” I exclaim, swatting the phone out of his hand as he laughs and swipes it out of my reach. “Eyes on the road!”
Another song starts and this time I recognise it immediately. I look over to Tae to see him smile automatically as Jimin’s voice comes floating out of the stereo. “Can I just say that this is one of my favourite BTS songs ever?” I tell him and his smile gets wider as his part comes and he starts singing along. Just then my phone pings; I open it to see a message from Vicki.
Grill the grid taping at 4:30 with AT guys. Need you in at 4 for HMU and micing.
I stare, my heart sinking. It had been so easy to forget that, technically, this is a working weekend for me. I briefly consider asking Vicki if I really need hair and make-up done, given that Max is probably going to show up looking like he’s just left the gym and Jehan I know for a fact has not shaved in at least a week. I’m wondering how I can word it without sounding like I’m complaining, when Tae notices my expression.
“Everything okay?”
I sigh. “Yeah, I just… I have a PR thing to do today so I have to be back by four. Which gives us…” I look at the clock on my phone, “... a little over four hours.”
Taehyung nods. “That’s not too bad.” After a moment, he turns back to me. “How important is PR again?”
I chuckle. “Well, it’s part of my contract so I’d say it’s pretty -” But I’m cut off by a jerk. The car jolts and revs momentarily, before going still. “What was that?”
He shakes his head, hands hovering over the steering wheel. “I - I don’t know. I think we hit something -” He takes off his seatbelt and opens the door to hop out, and I do the same. At the front of the car, I see a huge stone that’s stopped the car and is preventing it from moving.
“Damn it. We need to change the tyre.” I turn to Tae. “Do you know how to do that?”
His eyes widen. “Me? Aren’t you the professional?”
“I’m a professional driver,” I clarify. “But I don’t… I’ve never changed a tyre,” I admit, a bit sheepishly. When Tae simply shrugs, I realise we’re essentially stranded. I look around the fairly deserted town area. “Do you think we can find anyone to help us? You speak Japanese, right?” I look back to see him typing something on his phone. “Calling us a cab?”
He shakes his head. “Too risky. I can get the car towed back but to pick us up…” He dials a number and puts it on speaker, holding it between us. I hear what I think is Namjoon’s voice, but the conversation takes place fully in Korean. I hear other voices in the background which I presume is the rest of the band. At one point, he asks Taehyung a question and Tae, after a brief glance up at me, says my name in the midst of a long sentence. In the background, the rest of the boys hoot and Tae shakes his head, fighting a smile. The conversation ends after a few minutes.
“Okay, so Namjoon hyung is coming to pick us up,” he informs me, putting his phone back in his pocket. “We just need to get out of this district - it’ll take ages for him to navigate his way through the dirt roads.” He flashes me a heartbreaking smile. “Ready?”
The towing company arrives - surprisingly quickly - and arranges to take the car back to the hotel. I just about retrieve my bag before Tae pulls me back by the arm out of the way so that the giant tow truck can get the car off the ground. Once the car is gone, we start walking.
Even though it’s not really a surprise by this point, it’s amazing how quickly time seems to pass when I’m with Taehyung. The weather is cool and breezy and the town fairly empty, making it unnecessary to keep our distance too much. We still don’t engage in PDA per se, for it isn’t desolate, but walking together, laughing, and taking pictures and videos of each other doing silly things become so easy, almost natural. It’s the first time in a long while that I haven’t had to worry about photographers, something that’s definitely amplified with Tae, and we get to spend a rare day in privacy.
Taehyung takes so many pictures of everything. He doesn’t have a professional camera with him, something he laments more than once, but his phone seems more than enough as he constantly documents everything, finding even the most mundane object and getting a beautiful shot of it. Even when we’re walking through a canopy of trees and brambles and I’m piggybacking on his back, he has his front camera on and before I know it, snaps a picture.
“The sun’s glare is too strong,” I tell him after a while. I’m lying on my back on the ground where I’d bent down to take a picture of a ladybug. Taehyung is standing over me, hands in the pockets of his jeans, laughing as I point my phone up at him. I think he thinks I’m taking a picture but this moment is too adorable to not record. A few light rays of sun poke out from through the grey clouds behind Taehyung’s head, his dark hair thick and long; he looks like an angel.
“Alright, come on, you’re going to screw up your back,” he says after a while, bending and pulling me up by the hand in one swift movement. I feel a pit of butterflies in my stomach when he pulls me in and casually puts his arm around my shoulders as we continue walking and I show him the video, promising to send it to him.
We finally get to the outskirts of the town where Namjoon is supposed to pick us up. I sit on the pavement and sweep my hair off my neck as Taehyung walks in random circles on the road.
“So, hang on,” says Tae, kicking a stone and watching it roll away. “You’re half-British, right?”
“No, my father was Asian, too. My biological father,” I clarify, automatically clamping up at the topic. “So I’m not really part anything. I don’t know, my mum doesn’t really talk about him.”
“But you grew up in London?”
“Partly. We moved there when I was pretty young,” I say evasively, not wanting to get into how she was essentially kicked out for having a child out of wedlock. “Maybe when I was like eight or nine, and she met Rudy a few months later.”
“Your stepfather?” When I nod, he frowns. “But… what happened to your - your real father?”
I bite my lip. I don’t usually give out details of my family, especially my father. I’ve moved on from it but it’s not exactly a thing about my past that I want the public to know. I look away from Taehyung for a moment, who’s waiting patiently, thinking about how much I want to tell him.
“He, uh…” I wonder why he wants to know. “... he left when my mom got pregnant. Wasn’t ready for parenthood, I guess.” I’m reasonably relieved at how nonchalant I sound. But I can feel Taehyung’s eyes boring into me and the last thing I want to see there is any kind of pity - seriously, it would make me livid if I saw even a hint of it - so in an effort to get far away from this topic, I take a deep breath and lean back on my hands. “How long until Namjoon gets here?”
Tae frowns at the abrupt change of topic but doesn’t comment on it. “Well, it took us over an hour to get here so I guess, around the same?”
I sigh and look away, still a bit put off at talking about my father. I can feel Taehyung watching me and I think he knows what’s bothering me. Either way, he doesn’t prolong it. Instead, after a few seconds, I hear a sound come out of his phone which turns again into Tu les garçons et les filles by Francoise Hardy. I look up in surprise to see Tae holding his phone up with a questioning smile on his face, as if asking me if this is okay.
“I can’t beIieve you know this song,” I comment, unable to stop a surprised chuckle.
His smile widens, obviously relieved at my reaction. “I don’t think I’ll ever stop listening to this song,” he says, walking forward and holding out a hand for me to take. “It makes everyone feel better.” As if to test this theory, he pulls me up when I give him my hand, smiling down at me like the sun. “Now... “ He lets go of my hand and turns around on the spot, looking back at me with an exaggerated sexy look. “... we dance.”
Taehyung dancing on stage or in music videos is addictive. He’s so sexy and so talented that I could watch him and nothing else all day. It turns out, though, that when there’s no one watching and no obligations, Kim Taehyung grooves and bops to music like any other person. I laugh but can’t help but join in with him, dancing along to what is truly a very nice song. He looks so happy that I’ve joined in that it makes it all worth it. Somewhere during the song, he grabs my hand and twirls me into his arms, and we sway to an indie French song on a deserted dirt road in Japan.
“You have a really nice smile, you know?” he tells me, touching my cheek with his finger. “I have a thing for dimples.”
I feel the heat rush to my cheeks but I keep looking back at him. He looks angelic; I try to memorize everything - his hair, his smile, his cheekbones, his lips, his jaw, how his hand is firm on my lower back, how his other hand is gripping mine with his slender fingers - before I shake my head and tilt it. “Flirt.”
“Guilty. What does the rest of your day look like?”
“Well, if we ever get back to the hotel, I have about an hour of PR,” I tell him. “Then I have a drivers’ briefing - although since we haven’t even driven around the circuit yet I’m sure it’ll get moved to tomorrow afternoon. After that… after that, I’m free, I guess.” My gaze involuntarily falls to his mouth and I immediately raise it to look back at him, feeling my face heat up.
Tae simply nods, but I just know where his mind’s at, especially with the small smirk appearing on his face. He spins me around once but I don’t make much effort to hide my smile because I’m so sure that I know where his mind’s at, that the moment this morning in the elevator was something we hadn’t seen last night, that the interruption at the dog farm was only momentary.
After that, both of us seemingly silently agree that we need to keep some distance between us, at least until we get back to the hotel. We share a can of Diet Coke that I find in my bag but it’s practically warm so after I empty it on the side of the road, we end up playing a makeshift game of football with the can.
I’m a pretty good racecar driver, but I suck at pretty much any other sport, apart from swimming maybe. As per his own admission, Taehyung is good at tennis - and anything requiring hand-eye coordination, really - but here, on a dirt road with a can for a football, we’re both abysmal.
It’s so fun, though. We completely forget that we’re hungry and stranded; even kicking around an empty soda can be amazing if Tae’s around, apparently. I’ve always known that he’s extremely good-looking but seeing him like this, happy and care-free, flicking his long hair out of his eyes, tall and lithe - he’s otherworldly. I feel like I could watch him forever. I know I’m not a troll, but I find myself wondering more than once what exactly he seehs in me.
“Okay, okay, it’s happening, I’m doing it!” I kick the stupid can, dribbling it around Tae to get to our makeshift goal. I hear him groan and then feel him grab me from behind, stopping me from going any further. “Hey, that’s cheating!” I exclaim over his laughter, secretly loving the feeling of his arms around me.
He does, too, clearly, for he doesn’t let me go even after I’ve stopped struggling. I look up at him, about to say something, when I hear a shout. Both our heads snap forward to see a black SUV with the Hilton logo on it driving up the hairpin, with someone’s hand appearing out of the passenger window. Whoever it is shouts again, waving, and while I can’t make it out, Taehyung does immediately. He straightens up and his hands come up to my shoulder.
“Jungkook is here,” he says, only the slightest bit of surprise in his voice. “Must have pestered Namjoon to let him come along.” His hands fall from my shoulder and he goes back to sit on the pavement, leaning back on his hands, apparently satisfied that his friends are finally here.
“Oh. Great,” I say, sitting down next to him, his hoodie and my bag in hand. By the tone of his voice, it’s pretty clear that the reason Jungkook has insisted on coming along is because of me. We watch the car approach; when they’re about thirty feet away, I can see Namjoon driving and Jungkook in the driver’s seat, the latter grinning far too widely.
Looking at it, I can feel my nerves beginning to act up. “So, um… what happens if Jungkook doesn’t like me?” I ask, cringing when I hear the nervousness in my own voice.
“Then we’re done,” says Tae casually, before catching sight of my expression. “I’m kidding. Jungkook likes everyone. And you’re not that bad,” he adds generously. “Don’t worry, he’s the nicest out of all of us.”
“I’ve heard. That’s why he’s my favourite one,” I add innocently.
“You said the same thing about Jimin this morning.”
“Depends on my mood. For example, last night I was in a very different mood.”
“Sexy and mysterious?”
“More like curious and horny.”
Taehyung chokes, I look back ahead, chuckling. He mutters something under his breath as his arm goes around my shoulder and he kisses the side of my head casually, naturally. My heart skips a beat and I think I see Jungkook raise his eyebrows in surprise as the car approaches and stops a few feet away from us.
Here we go, I think warily, standing up as Namjoon and Jungkook step out of the car. Namjoon waves at me as he walks over but Jungkook gets to me first, holding out a hand. “Dilara! Finally! It’s so nice to meet you - I’ve heard a lot about you,” he adds, looking over at Taehyung, who’s rolling his eyes.
“Nice to meet you, too,” I say absently, because Jeon Jungkook is even better looking in person than he is on screen. He flashes me a smile and I almost forget to breathe for a moment, but then he looks at Tae and laughs at something, nose scrunching up, and he suddenly reminds me of the puppies we’d been hanging out with an hour ago.
Namjoon appears then and greets me with a nod and a smile, looking very tall and leader-like. His politeness is distinct, like he’s had a ton of practice at it. He asks me with a well-placed chuckle how we managed to get ourselves stranded in the middle of nowhere in the outskirts of Suzuka City. I start telling him that all Tae had to do was let me drive, but we get distracted by Jungkook running after him and leaping on his back. Taehyung catches him effortlessly and they begin laughing and joking around, too far for me to understand what they’re saying.
“Are they -” I start to ask but Namjoon beats me to it.
“Always,” he says knowingly. We all pile into the car after that, once Jungkook discovers that neither of us have eaten anything except a croissant hours ago. Namjoon gets into the drivers’ seat and, thankfully, Taehyung and Jungkook slide into the backseat, leaving the shotgun seat for me. I wasn’t crazy about the idea of sitting in the backseat alone with Tae while both his friends shot us side-eye glances trying to observe us. This way, those two have their fun giggling in the backseat while I’m up front with the most intimidating member of the band so far.
We stop at the first fast food place we see, which ends up being a KFC. Once the three guys put on a variety of hats and hoodies, all four of us shuffle in and dive for the menu; when I realise that everything is written in Japanese, I have to rely on the boys to translate and order for me. Taehyung stands behind me at the counter, hands resting comfortably on my shoulders as he peers at the plastic menu over my head. I’m looking up at him and frowning, trying to decide whether to go for chicken or pork, when we’re interrupted by Namjoon who offers to order for all of us.
The food arrives almost immediately but when we look around and see the few other customers squinting slightly at the boys, almost as if they recognise them, we opt to head out and eat by the car. I walk with Namjoon; I discover pretty quickly that as much as my heart belongs to Taehyung, Namjoon is clearly the most interesting member. There’s something so mature, so intelligent, so attractive about him that I immediately feel like I should have been more prepared before meeting him.
It’s also clear that he knows his group members extremely well. The entire time as we walk back to the car, while he’s speaking to me, he’s also keeping a clear eye out on Taehyung as he talks with Jungkook. Even as we sit around the car and devour the food, I feel increasingly like I’m being vetted for the honour of being Taehyung’s… whatever I am. That throws me into a bit of a tangent as my mind instantly starts wondering what I am to him, what he is to me, what we’re doing, what we’re planning to do -
“You want to throw that away?”
My head snaps up to see Taehyung to my left, two empty boxes and a cup of Coke in his hands. He points with the cup to the wrapper in my hand and tilts his head towards the trash can at the door of the restaurant. I take the hint and jump to my feet, so, so relieved at his arrival, and offer to take Namjoon’s wrappers with me as well.
“So?” Tae asks as soon as we’re out of earshot. “Are they being nice to you?”
I scoff. “Of course they’re being nice. And Namjoon…” I glance back surreptitiously, “... God, he’s so cool. It’s like he knows everything about everything.” I look up to see Taehyung raising an eyebrow, looking amused.
“Should I be worried? Am I going to lose you to my fearless leader?” he asks dryly, just as we reach the trash. “Because I can take him. Probably.”
“Probably.”
Taehyung chuckles and, lightning fast, leans over and presses a quick kiss to my lips. Before I can react, he gestures for me to continue walking, smiling down at me as if nothing just happened, brushing a hand down my waist comfortingly as we start walking back. “They like you, too. At least Jungkook does. And I’m guessing Jimin, too, otherwise Jungkook wouldn’t have tagged along today.”
“Ah, good. My favourite and my second favourite,” I say, laughing when Tae scowls. We get into the car again, everyone in the same seats, and it’s barely a five minute drive when Jungkook states that he feels like dessert - and not just any dessert, but a specific Japanese sweet that they’d had the last time they were here. Both Namjoon and Taehyung agree immediately and we drive around looking for any passing store that might sell it.
When we finally do, Taehyung volunteers to get out and go buy them while the rest of us stay in the car. He takes our order (I decline since it’s a race weekend) and walks away towards the shop. I watch him - I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop - as he walks away, how he walks with his hands in his pockets, how his long hair brushes his t-shirt at the nape of his neck, how when he turns his head slightly to look for oncoming cars, his haughty features looking like a statue’s.
“He likes you,” says Namjoon from right next to me, almost scaring the shit out of me. I turn to him to see him looking back at me with a peculiar expression, part-knowing, part… approving? Before I can examine it deeper, Jungkook speaks from behind me.
“He really likes you,” he contributes, leaning forward so that his head appears in between our seats. “He usually never makes any effort with girls. Definitely doesn’t ditch us to hang out with one. I mean, you guys are even wearing matching outfits.”
I notice then that we are, kind of; white top and black bottoms, but I ignore this statement in favour of the one before. His words are practically identical to what Jimin had said to me earlier today. Like Jimin, Jungkook doesn’t sound miffed at all; on the contrary, he sounds almost wondrous, as though this series of events had never occurred to him. I can feel my palms getting clammy and the heat rushing to my face, so all I can say is, “Oh, did you - did you guys have - have plans today?”
“Oh, no, nothing like that,” says Namjoon dismissively, almost like he knows what I’m thinking. “It’s just good to see him like this. Happy,” he adds for my benefit, raising his eyebrows at Taehyung who’s now started walking back with a small stack of boxes the size of my phone.
Jungkook says something to Namjoon in Korean but I lose track. As I watch Tae walk towards us, I struggle for a moment to pinpoint why Namjoon and Jungkook’s words have suddenly made my insides tight. I should be happy, I suppose. I should, knowing that Taehyung likes me so much, that his closest friends in the world have noticed and more or less approved. But all that is overshadowed by the burning question of why? Why does he like me so much when we’ve only just met, when it’s been an unspoken cloud hanging over us reminding us that this weekend is all we have?
As he approaches, our gazes meet - and his eyes light up. It’s subtle, but it’s there and I know it is because even Jungkook behind me whispers wow before asking me if I’m sure that I don’t want one of the sweets. “Um… no, I - I prefer cupcakes,” is all I can manage to say before looking away from Tae. By the time he climbs into the backseat, I’m almost angry at him for making this so much harder.
I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn to see Tae holding out an open box filled with what look like Reese’s peanut butter cups. His eyebrows are raised and the hand he’d tapped me with is still lingering against my bare arm, but I suddenly find it hard to look at him. So I shake my head and turn back to look ahead.
As we continue to drive, I find that I can’t look at anyone in the car; not at Taehyung who apparently likes me way more than he should, not Namjoon who seems to know way more than he should, and not Jungkook who definitely seems way more excited than he should be. Truth be told, I haven’t the faintest idea what to do with this information and I definitely have no idea what it is that Namjoon and Jungkook were trying to achieve by telling me. So I just stare out the window at the sky, the trees, road signs - anything to distract me.
“Dilara?” Taehyung saying my name sounds like a song again, like his favourite song in the world. “Any requests?”
It takes me a moment to realise he’s talking about the music in the car. “Um…” I turn slightly in the direction of the backseat and shake my head for a moment before looking back out the window. “Not really. Anything’s fine.”
There’s a moment of awkward silence where I can practically feel Taehyung’s confusion at my change in tone. He says something in Korean to the other two, almost accusingly, and while I don’t understand a word of the language, I imagine he’s going What did you two say to her? or something to that effect. I can’t really blame him because, let’s face it, had I been in a similar situation, that’s exactly what I would’ve asked.
My theory is more or less confirmed when, after both mumble answers in equally confused tones, Namjoon looks over at me, asking, “You alright?”
I look back, not wanting to seem rude, and nod. “Yeah. Of course.” I force a smile but I don’t think anyone is fooled. It’s almost too convenient when just a few minutes later, we make our last stop of the drive at a gas station. I mention something about using the washroom and jump out of the car, breathing in the fresh air like my life depends on it.
All I really do, though, is head over the back of the station and lean back against a wall, wondering what the hell to do now and how I can manage to avoid Taehyung for the rest of the weekend when we literally live in the same hotel -
“Hey.”
My heart skips a beat when I see Tae walking towards me, hands in his pockets, long hair falling into his eyes, face as smooth and impassive as ever. I immediately turn towards the wash basin next to me and start washing my hands, letting my hair fall in front of my shoulders and shield my face. “Hey,” I say after a moment, cringing at how fake even the simplest word sounds.
He stops a few feet away from me. “So, uh. My friends told me what they said to you. That I like you." He doesn't stutter around the inadvertent confession. "And that they might have freaked you out.” He says no more, just waiting for me to confirm it.
I swallow, wiping my hands on my leggings and still not looking at him. “Not exactly.”
“Then what is it? Dilara,” he says when I don’t respond. I finally sigh and look him in the eye, suddenly feeling guilty at shutting him out. He looks at me expectantly, perfect features betraying only the slightest bit of concern. “Tell me.”
I bite my lip and look at the ground, wondering how to word this without making it a bigger deal than it is. “You know we can’t… you know that nothing else can happen, right?”
“I know.” His response is immediate, accompanied by a small shrug, confirming that he does indeed know that nothing else can happen. And why shouldn’t he? With my calendar, his job, and both our careers in front of us, of course he knows that nothing can happen.
“Then… why do you like me so much?”
Taehyung’s expression doesn’t change much, except for a small frown. Hands still in his pockets, he shrugs again. “Since when can anyone control how they feel?” He says it like the most obvious thing in the world and all of a sudden, I feel ridiculous. The affection and adoration in his eyes is clear even to me and I can’t believe I’ve just spent the last thirty minutes essentially icing him out, especially when I know we don’t have much time.
“Not me,” I admit quietly, looking at the ground and then back up at him.
His mouth moves just a bit, giving me a small smile. “Look, I know it’s scary and it’ll be… hard, when it finally happens.” Neither of us needs to elaborate on what ‘it’ is. “But today’s not goodbye. We’ll - we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, alright?”
I look away and nod, taking a couple of steps towards him. He meets me halfway and raises one hand to brush my arm comfortingly as his gaze drops to my mouth and back up to me, as though asking for permission. He lowers his head slightly and pauses, waiting for me to confirm that it’s all good. I get on the tips of my toes and kiss him, feeling him kiss me back immediately. It’s a nice, comforting kiss. For about a second.
He moves his hand to my waist just to steady me but it’s right at that moment that I open my mouth slightly, his tongue slips in and I moan softly, making his grip on my waist tighten. All it takes is one look between us before Taehyung has me pinned against the wall, kissing me fiercely and holding me flush against him. My hands go into his long hair and I pull at it, and Tae bites my lower lip. I snake one hand down between us and loop one finger in his belt loop and tug, feeling his pelvis against mine. His erection rubs against my core and I sigh, ready for him to fuck me right here and now. Taehyung’s hand slips down my waist, down my hip and to my arse when -
“Oi! We’re in public!” Namjoon’s furious whisper makes us jerk apart immediately and look around to see if we’ve been spotted. Fortunately, there isn’t anyone around but even I can’t believe how risky that was. That’s hot. Yes, it is, especially when I look up at Tae to see him looking right back at me, panting slightly, lips swollen and eyebrows together, looking pissed that we were caught.
We trail quietly behind Namjoon to the car and get into our seats. While Namjoon looks exasperated as hell, Jungkook can't look either of us in the eye. My face feels so hot that I can’t look at either of them. I can’t look at Taehyung either, but that’s for a whole different reason. As we drive back with nothing but the radio providing any sound, I look out the window, trying not to think about what just transpired and what is sure to be replicated later today.
I count myself lucky; technically, I can think about whatever I want with no one the wiser. Taehyung on the other hand, can’t think of shit without an erection appearing for his friends and the world to see. I can hear Jungkook murmuring in Korean and Tae responding with short, abrupt replies. Our eyes meet in the wing mirror constantly, both of us now knowing what we want and how soon we want it.
It’s a quarter to four by the time we reach the hotel. If I have any hope of making it to PR on time, I have to leave now. I hop out of the car after Namjoon parks and fluff my hair out, checking for my bag and phone before I head out.
“Hey,” says Taehyung, coming up behind me. I turn to see the other two waiting by the car, trying to pretend like they aren’t paying any attention to us. Evidently, Tae’s noticed them too, for he glances back at them before turning back to me. “Do you have to leave now?”
“Yeah. Thankfully it’s happening here at the hotel, so we don’t have to drive to the paddock.” I bite my lip and say no more. This is the awkward part. How do two people who aren’t dating, who’ve literally just met, who aren’t even friends, say goodbye to each other?
“So, I’ll, uh…”
Taehyung nods, taking my hand and linking his fingers with mine. “Yeah, I’ll see you later,” he agrees. I have the strongest urge to brush his long, thick hair out of his eyes, but I’m afraid it’ll be too intimate here. Taehyung sneaks another look back at his friends, who are now not even pretending to give us privacy, before rolling his eyes and quickly kissing me on the cheek.
I try to fight a smile as I shake my head and leave. I rush to the poolside after that where our thing is supposed to be taking place. Jenna from the PR team is waiting for me at a small makeshift energy station with a transparent pouch filled with make-up products and a hair straightener, heated and ready to go.
Max arrives halfway in and Vicki briefs us both about the game while Max sips on water out of a Red Bull can and I sit painfully straight as locks of my hair fall in soft waves down my shoulders. Jehan and Pierre arrive soon after, everyone in their team hoodies. Jenna is holding up a mirror while I apply a nice brick shade of lipstick when Vicki suddenly exclaims that I’m not in Red Bull gear.
It seems to have occurred to everyone only now, five minutes before the interview. I’m still in a plain white top; I’m about to mention that I probably have an extra team t-shirt in my bag when Max tosses me his hoodie, saying with a very Max smugness that he’s not feeling cold at all. I give him a look but put the hoodie on anyway, kind of liking how nice and oversized it is.
All four of us are seated around a small poolside table, chatting as the production team sets lights and mics around us. I go onto my phone for a moment, secretly hoping for a text from Taehyung. There isn’t one, which is to be expected, so in a rare moment of initiative I text him. I send him the video I’d taken of him earlier today from the ground along with the message Thanks for today, I had a great time.
He replies almost immediately with Day’s not over ;), along with a picture. I download it and need to bite down on my lip from smiling. It’s a picture of me at the dog farm with the puppies: I’m lying on the grass upside down, two labradors clambering onto me, with my hair all dark and wavy on the grass, smiling with genuine happiness and cuddling a third puppy as I look into the camera - as I look at Taehyung.
I’m about to respond with a quick ‘thanks’ but instead, he sends a second picture, then a third, and then about ten more, all of us today with the puppies, strolling the streets together, piggybacking down the canopy. There’s one of us that he sends at the end, a few moments after the others, of us walking together. It’s obviously taken by someone else - most likely Jungkook; I realise it’s from when we’d both volunteered to chuck everyone’s trash after lunch. We’re just walking back, looking at each other, with Tae’s hand disappearing behind me.
I zoom in. I hadn’t even noticed that his hand had been on my back; in fact, it doesn’t even seem as though he’s conscious of it. It looks so natural; even the fact that we are indeed wearing very similar clothes doesn’t escape me this time. We’re walking close together - very close. I remember feeling his chest brush against my arm, feeling his fingers linger on my elbow - but I hadn’t thought about how it would look. We look like a -
“Alright, everyone ready?”
PR forces me to abandon my train of thought and focus. It takes us about an hour and a half; it’s fun, no doubt. All four of us get along pretty well and the games include a Q&A type and a taste test of Japanese cuisine. By the end of it, after it’s confirmed that there’s no drivers’ briefing today, we start to head back into the hotel. I check my phone (not eagerly) to see a message from Taehyung. Ignoring the leap in my chest, I open it.
Once you’re done, come over to 2006.
two hotel rooms
I halt. Now I have no way of knowing who lives in 2006; for all I know, it’s just Taehyung’s room and he’s calling me over for tons of passionate sex after a day of teasing and yearning. If that’s what it is, I’m on board.
But there’s something about the text that makes me think that that’s not all that it is. I try to figure it out; after a couple of minutes, I decide it’s not flirty enough. If there’s one thing I’ve discovered about Kim Taehyung in the last twenty-four hours, it’s that he’s smooth as shit. If he were inviting me over to fuck, I have no doubt that I’d be dripping by the time I got to his door.
I have to ask. But not too pointedly. My fingers hover over the screen as I chew at my lower lip before finally typing out a response. What’s in 2006?
Taehyung replies in under a minute. Food and stuff.
I frown, having learnt nothing from this incredibly vague text. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he’s being vague on purpose. I replay the events of today in my head, specifically the moments I spent with Jimin, Namjoon and Jungkook. I remember them looking at me like a specimen they never saw coming, but I also remember the huge, boxy smile on Tae’s face each time I joked with any of them.
I exhale. Spending a Friday evening hanging out with members of BTS: it’s a goddamn dream - for some. I know of millions of people around the world who’d literally murder me to take my place. But nothing about it is exciting me; in fact, I think this is the most stressed I've been all weekend.
I briefly consider making an excuse. Tomorrow is Qualifying after all; I can sneak away to hang out with the other drivers while they obsess over FIFA, dull as it sounds. But I do want to see Taehyung again, so badly. I finally make my way up to the twentieth floor, the entire time debating the possible outcomes of this situation in my head, before I reach the room. I can hear muffled noises from inside, both music and voices. I find I can’t physically press the doorbell, so I text Tae instead.
I’m outside. Can you come out here for a second?
Ten seconds later, the door opens and Taehyung steps out, still in the same white t-shirt and jeans, black hair thick and long, looking so incredible that I have to consciously try not to launch myself at him. His face automatically breaks into a smile at the sight of me and my heart skips a beat.
“Hey,” he says, shoving his hands into his pockets and stopping a couple of feet in front of me. “Everything okay? Oh, hey, your hair is different,” he comments, taking a straightened lock in between his fingers.
“Yeah, for PR. Um…” I take a deep breath, folding my arms across my chest nervously. “Who else is in there?”
Taehyung glances back at the room and when he turns back to me, it’s clear that he’s immediately caught on to what’s bothering me. “It’s six of my friends.”
I can’t help but chuckle. “Really. Exactly six?”
He smiles, knowing I’m not fooled. “It’ll be fine. They’re looking forward to meeting you,” he says, dropping all pretense.
That doesn’t make me feel better at all. My face must show this, for he immediately comes up to me and places his hands on my shoulder. “Dilara, there’s no pressure. You don’t have to. But…” He shrugs. “It’ll be fun.” When I don’t respond, he squeezes my shoulders gently. “Come on, you’ve already met most of them and it’s been fine. Right?”
“Yeah. Yeah, of course,” I say honestly. The only ones I actually haven’t met at all have been Hoseok and Yoongi, but meeting all of them together? But I can’t say no to Tae, not when he looks this hopeful. “Just… just six friends, right?”
“Right. Oh, wait, Jimin and Jungkook are at the gym, so it’s really only four,” he adds helpfully.
I frown incredulously. “Jungkook is the one person I actually know in there.”
Taehyung bites his lip and holds his arms out wordlessly. I take the hint and step in, wrapping my arms around his waist as he hugs me back, head resting against mine and rubbing my shoulder with one hand. “If you really don’t want to, you don’t have to,” he says softly.
I say nothing, revelling instead in his scent and the feel of his lean torso and strong arms around me. This is our first hug, I realise, and I hold him a bit tighter, resting my forehead on his shoulder. “You’ll be there the whole time?” I murmur into his t-shirt.
I can feel him smile as he nods. “The whole time,” he confirms. “Until we leave, that is. Which will be… early?" he guesses.
That makes me laugh. I step back and ruffle his hair affectionately. “Sure. As long as you stay by my side.” I take a deep breath and roll my shoulders back. “Let’s do this.”
Tae rolls his eyes at my theatrics but I see him smile again and it’s all worth it. He rings the doorbell and Namjoon opens it, immediately noticing me and greeting me loudly. “Oh, hey. Hey, Dilara’s here,” he calls out, beckoning me inside and shutting the door behind me. “There’s food and… well, tons of gummy bears on the table,” he adds, pointing at the coffee table.
I step in to see Seokjin on the phone in the corner of the room, Yoongi and Hoseok in front of the television, the latter laughing his head off at something before noticing me. All of them wave and call me over just as the doorbell rings again. While Jin waves at me with his free hand, we both turn to see Jimin entering, hair wet and newly washed, smelling like strawberries. The moment he sees me, his eyes widen and he turns to Taehyung, who’s standing with his back against the wall and watching me, with an impressed look and a wide smile before coming over to me.
“Hey, what’s Verst- oh, Max Verstappen?” Namjoon’s voice from behind me makes me do a double take. I turn to see him pointing at my torso and I realise he’s talking about the hoodie I’m wearing, the one that has Max’s name printed on the back.
“Hey, it’s good to see you again,” he says easily, hugging me around the waist as if we’ve known each other for ages. Jungkook follows close behind, waving enthusiastically before his gaze shifts to Namjoon and he says something. Within seconds of meeting me, everyone simply goes back to their own conversations.
“Oh, yeah,” I answer, tugging at the hoodie. “I had to borrow his hoodie for PR. I left mine in your car,” I tell Taehyung. There’s a short but unmissable moment where everyone’s eyes flit to Tae, with Jimin and Jungkook clearly fighting smiles and Yoongi rolling his eyes. But I’m only looking at Taehyung, who’s still standing against the wall with his hands in his pockets. His face is still the same, smooth and perfect with the small smile as he watches me interact with his bandmates, but I swear I can see his chin tilt up and jaw harden for just a moment.
Fortunately, at that moment the doorbell buzzes again and he goes to get it, and everything seems to go back to normal. I take a step back and go to stand next to Namjoon who’s helping himself to a sushi roll, an exasperated smile lingering on his face. “Um,” I begin in a low voice, “what was that?”
His smile gets just a bit wider as he looks up at Taehyung across the room before looking back down at me. “Nothing. Just Taehyung… and his jealous tendencies,” he says, chuckling quietly. With a knowing raise of the eyebrows, he sweeps past me and heads towards the TV.
It turns out Namjoon is bang-on. When Tae returns, he looks like his normal self, coming back up to me with the same small smile and asking me if I’m okay. Jungkook and Jin join us and even as everyone continues talking, I feel Tae move to stand closer to me, sliding a hand down my waist to rest low on my hip. It’s subtle but I can feel a heat between my legs. I decide to experiment.
“Oh, I should text Max and tell him I have his hoodie,” I say nonchalantly, tapping my phone on but keeping all my attention on Taehyung. He doesn’t disappoint. I’ve barely opened my chat with Max as Jin and Jungkook drift away, telling us to come to the TV, when Tae casually moves to stand behind me. Both his hands are low on my hips now as he looks over my shoulder. For a moment I think he’s looking into my phone, but the next second his lips are at my ear, brushing against my hair.
“Hey.” His voice almost makes my knees buckle. It’s the deep, low baritone that I’ve come to know and be obsessed with over the years but hearing it this close while his fingers grip my hips and his pelvis brushes against mine, and especially when I can hear that slight edge in his voice, I know this is what I’ve been waiting for. “Come sit with me?”
I literally cannot think of words. Instantly forgetting all about Max, I follow Kim Taehyung to the couch where everybody else is. It’s a k-drama; I don’t recognise it, but whoever has the remote immediately turns on the English subtitles when I automatically take a seat on the floor next to Jungkook, the one person apart from Namjoon I’m slightly comfortable with at this point. Taehyung, after repeatedly offering me the one empty spot on the sofa, sits right behind me and I lean back against his legs as I try to catch up.
There’s no spotlight on me, thankfully; they don’t go out of their way to include me in conversation but they don’t ignore me either, and it ends up being just the right balance. Jimin comes after a while to sit on my other side, smiling so prettily at me that it feels like my heart will stop.
Sometime later the doorbell rings with a package for Park Jimin; everyone turns to see him holding a pink cardboard box that I recognise as the hotel bakery’s. To my surprise, he comes straight back and places it in front of me. He opens it with a flourish to reveal six cupcakes, each with a different coloured frosting on it. “For you,” he says proudly.
It takes me a moment to realise he’s talking to me. “M-me?”
“Yeah, Jungkook told me you like them.”
Before I can ask, Jungkook shrugs on my other side. “You didn’t have dessert with us and you said you liked cupcakes.”
It’s probably the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me which is why, even though I can’t eat sugar due to it being a race weekend, I pick one up and take a bite. It’s really good; I almost consider risking it and eating the whole thing but I know Lexie would end me, so I just take a second bite and turn around to offer one to Taehyung. It’s just an excuse, though; the gesture is so unexpected that I just want to share it with him - do your friends really like me? His eyebrow raise and secret smile answers it - I told you they like you - as he takes a bite from the cupcake in my hand. By the time I’ve turned around, all the other boys are helping themselves which is just as well.
“It’s amazing,” I tell Jimin, trying to ignore the heat rising in my cheeks when he flashes me another winning smile. “Thank you.”
Nearly an hour later, after everyone has moved on from watching TV, I notice that I’ve lost track of time completely. I’ve been sitting at one of the smaller coffee tables with Jin who, after having informed me that I’ve been using chopsticks wrong my entire life, is attempting to teach me how to use it right. I look up for a moment to see Taehyung sitting on the window seat with Namjoon and Hoseok, while Jungkook lounges on his lap and scrolls through his phone.
By the time Jin finally succeeds in teaching me a crude version of chopsticks usage, we’ve both devoured two boxes of maki - the only thing I know Lexie will be okay with me overindulging on on a race weekend. Jin leans back in his chair and sighs loudly and my eyes automatically find Taehyung again. He’s in the same place but Jungkook is no longer in his lap. Instead, Tae is leaning back against the window, one arm resting above his head while the other holds his phone, and his legs are spread out again, as though inviting me to come sit on his lap. His gaze meets mine right then and he gives me the tiniest smirk, almost as if he knows what I’m thinking.
I shake my head just as Namjoon joins us. “Aren’t you warm?” he asks, sitting on the arm of Jin’s chair and popping a gummy bear into his mouth.
I frown and look down, realising that I’m still in Max’s hoodie and something clicks. “Oh… I hadn’t noticed.” Hesitating for a moment, I take it off the second I see that Taehyung’s looking. As expected, the smirk gets wider, as though he’s suddenly happier… or satisfied.
It’s so hot - and adorable - that it occurs to him to be jealous. It’s past nine now, which means I’m almost done with twenty-four hours of waiting since meeting Kim Taehyung before I can officially start to pursue him. My thoughts are getting dirtier by the minute and I’m just waiting for a signal from him that it’s okay to leave.
Ten minutes pass and nothing changes. Taehyung’s still sitting with his lap looking inviting as hell and all my attempts at walking across the room, touching Jungkook’s shoulder and even wrapping Max’s discarded hoodie around my shoulders don’t work. Finally, when Tae’s alone at the food table, I fall back to Plan A.
I come up from behind him and run my hands up his arms casually, resting them on his biceps. The moment I touch them, I feel the familiar heat between my legs again. Focus, Komyshan. Tae turns slightly to see me behind him, head lingering next to his shoulder.
“Hey,” he says, voice deep and sexy as ever.
“Hey. So, um…” I move closer to him, not wanting anyone to overhear, “Tomorrow is Qualifying and I have to be well-rested and up early, so…”
It takes him exactly half a second to catch my drift and another to drop the gummy bears in his hand back into the box. He turns to face me, leaning back against the table. “So…?”
He wants me to say it. Sneaky little shit. Taehyung’s casual confidence coupled with his laidback position, not to mention that goddamn smirk, makes me want to simultaneously choke him and ask him to -
“So… I should head out,” I tell him, mimicking his nonchalance.
“You’re leaving?”
“Mhm. Long day tomorrow.”
“Sounds like you should be good and tired to get a good night’s sleep.”
“I think I can figure something out.”
Taehyung’s jaw clenches slightly again and I know it’s working. “I thought we had some… alone time planned.”
“I don’t want to take you away from your friends,” I tell him. “And besides…” I take a small step closer to him “... I’m not really sure what to expect during… alone time.”
Taehyung doesn’t respond. Or rather, he doesn't respond with words. Instead, his smirk gets just a bit more pronounced and he just continues looking at me, almost like he’s picturing it. Just when I feel like he’s literally undressing me with his eyes, he gives me a small shrug and an innocent smile. “Whatever you want.”
Aaaand we’re done. I want a lot - but I’m not about to tell him that. “Good. So it’s settled, then?” When he doesn’t say anything, I play my last card. “Or you can stay and I can just go take care of it myself.”
All vestiges of a smile leave Taehyung’s face. He grabs my wrist with one hand and his black hoodie with the other and turns to his friends with a completely normal expression. There’s a general dry outcry that we’re leaving so soon, followed by Jimin yelling something in Korean and everyone laughing. I look up at Tae to see him avoiding their eyes and fighting a smile when Jin shouts “Have a good night!”
Taehyung rolls his eyes and waves to them as we head out the door. Just to add to the drama, I pull him out by the hand, walking backwards and winking at the boys as the door closes behind him.
The walk back to my room is a blur. All I know is that we’re hurrying as much as we can, taking great pains to not draw any attention to ourselves until my room finally comes into view. My keycard is ready in my hand and I can feel Taehyung’s hand hovering over my lower back and I know he’s desperately resisting the urge to touch me until we’re inside. The second my door opens, I turn around and walk backwards, not bothering to turn on any lights other than the dim ones already on. The door closes behind him and I immediately hook my fingers around his belt loops and pull him towards me the same moment that his hands go up to my face and he lowers his head and kisses me.
“Finally,” he murmurs against my lips, echoing my exact thoughts, reaching one hand into my hair and pulling me closer to him with the other on my waist. Why haven’t I realised until now just how tall he is? Or how lean his torso is, or how his arms feel like the steadiest things I’ve ever felt around me? I open my mouth to let him in and sigh into the kiss, unable to help myself. I run one hand through his hair, his long, thick, sexy hair, and pull, making him grunt and move his hand down my waist and hips to my arse.
“Clothes off,” I say softly, pulling away for the briefest moment to take my top off over my head. Taehyung does the same with his t-shirt and I realise that seeing Taehyung with an unbuttoned shirt last night came nowhere close to seeing him like this, half-naked in the semi-darkness with a look of hunger in his eyes as I look right at him and unhook my bra, letting it fall on the floor next to him.
He has me pulled flush against him in a moment, kissing me harder than ever. Our hands are everywhere and our kisses are all lips and tongue and teeth; an entire day’s worth of tension and longing has finally come forth and neither of us are willing to waste even a single moment of it. My hands travel down to his jeans and I begin unbuttoning them, brushing against his hard abdomen, before I slip one hand in and feel his erection through the fabric of his boxers.
“Fuck,” he whispers, grabbing me even harder and moving us to the couch where I push him down and climb on to straddle him, lowering my head to kiss him again. Without thinking, I roll my hips forward and he groans into my mouth, pulling away and resting his head back against the sofa for a moment. I look at him - no, I gaze at him, never ever wanting to forget this sight. His hair is falling into his eyes, his jaw is clenched and mouth parted slightly as he catches his breath.
Taehyung kisses me again, moving his lips down my jaw and to my neck, immediately finding the exact spot just below my ear that drives me crazy. He sucks on it as one hand moves to cup my breast, the other firm on my hip. I bite my lip to stop myself moaning too loudly, clutching at his hair and feeling his erection harden even more against me.
“Fuck, Tae,” I whisper. I need him now. He feels so right against me that I find myself not even caring if I’m being too obvious about how much I want him. I palm him through his boxers and he groans again.
“Shit, Dilara,” he mumbles against my collarbone. “God, I need you, I -”
I pull away to stand up and peel off my leggings, standing in front of him in nothing but my underwear. His eyes rake over my entire body and I revel in it. I take a step forward and he reaches for me but instead of straddling him again, I drop to my knees in front of him.
Taehyung bites his lower lip. “Dilara -”
“I want to,” I interrupt him, reaching for his erection. His eyes shut involuntarily but he opens them again.
“You - you really don’t have to -”
“I know,” I tell him and look him in the eye. “I’ll stop if you want me to… but I don’t want to.”
He shakes his head. “Fuck, where have you been all my life?” he sighs.
I grin and reach for his jeans, pulling them down. He raises his pelvis off the couch so I can take them off completely along with his boxers. His erection springs free and my eyes widen at his size. I just know my jaw is going to get a workout from hell and just the thought of it makes me so fucking wet that I wrap my hand around his cock and stroke him once.
Taehyung’s eyes flutter shut immediately and he swears, his back against the couch and his hands clutching the fabric of the seat. I run my tongue along his tip and continue stroking him, watching him the whole time as he slowly comes undone. Somewhere along the way, I link my fingers with his and squeeze his hand. His eyes open to meet mine and he gets the hint, reaching for my hair and grabbing it hard. I moan in sweet pain and he swears again, getting close. I suck him off until my jaw hurts, until he’s louder than I’ve ever heard him and he finally finishes in my mouth, warm fluid coating my tongue as I continue stroking him slower now, letting him ride out his high.
I pull away, swallowing and wiping my mouth as he gets his bearings back. He opens his eyes and looks down at me with an unreadable emotion in his eyes. “Come here,” he says softly, helping me back up onto his lap. I straddle him again and he kisses me, deep and long, holding my face in one hand and pulling me close to him with the other. His hand is big and flat on my back as I kiss him back, wanting him, needing him so badly.
Almost as though he’s read my mind, he suddenly stands up and, without breaking a sweat, carries me straight to the bed and drops me on it. He comes up to kiss me once, biting my lower lip softly, before moving down to my neck. “I’m gonna make you feel so good, baby,” he murmurs in my ear. He runs one hand down my torso and abdomen to reach my core and presses against the cloth. His sharp intake of breath tells me that he can feel just how wet I am.
He pulls my underwear off and, before I know it, sinks one finger into my folds. I whimper; it feels so fucking good, finally, finally, to have him inside of me like I’ve been thinking about all day. He slips another finger in and my back arches. “Fuck, fuck,” I moan, clutching my pillow as my knees bend automatically.
Taehyung grunts softly and kisses me, his long hair falling into his eyes and onto my forehead. “Can you take another for me, baby?”
“Yes,” I say immediately, biting my lip in anticipation as he slips a third finger into me. His thumb goes to massage my clit and I’m so close, so close… “God, Tae, I’m gonna -”
And I do. It’s like an explosion when I finally come and feel him slow his fingers down slightly as he lets me ride out my high. I open my eyes slowly to see Taehyung watching me, eyes blazing and jaw clenched, biting down on his bottom lip. He lowers his head to give me a quick kiss before his eyes flash. “Think you have one more in you?” he asks as he moves lower down my body and settles between my legs. He kisses my inner thigh before running his tongue along my folds but I know I can’t take this anymore.
“Taehyung,” I whisper, sitting up on my elbows, “I can’t. I just want… I just want you. Now.”
“Are you sure? I just want to make you feel good,” he says, frowning with what I realise is concern. “I don’t - I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Mm, you won’t. Please, Tae,” I add, and apparently that’s what works. Taehyung kisses my inner thigh once again before he gets off the bed and goes to pick up his discarded jeans next to the couch. I can’t help but just stare at him as he does, long hair and lean body completely on display. Just for me, I think. Mine.
He returns with a condom and a smirk. “Always ready,” he quips, making me laugh. He puts it on and climbs on top of me, lining himself up at my entrance. Brushing my bangs off my forehead, he asks, “You’ll tell me if it hurts?”
“I will,” I promise, reaching up to kiss his jaw. Tae nods and enters me slowly; both of us groan in pleasure and I fall back on the bed, opening my legs further and taking him in until he bottoms out. He’s big - that I knew the moment I’d taken off his boxers. It hurts, but not in a bad way. Another sigh escapes my lips as he pulls out to enter me again, and again, until we establish a rhythm.
“Fuck, Dilara, you feel so good, baby,” groans Taehyung, dropping his head onto my shoulder as he goes faster. I grip his bicep and wrap my leg around him to pull him in as he turns to capture my lips in his. I kiss him back; it’s messy and desperate and full of sighs and moans as he goes even faster. His hand comes up to grip my breast, lips still against mine, and I clutch at his shoulder, feeling my nails dig into his skin.
“Oh, my -” I can’t even finish my sentence before he hits the spot and I hit my second orgasm of the night, so much louder this time as I fall back on the bed again. Taehyung’s still going but I can tell he’s close by the way his grunts are getting louder and his jaw is clenching harder. It’s another ten seconds before he slams into me a final time and finishes inside the condom, supporting himself with his hands flat on the bed.
We stay there for a few seconds, both breathing in what just happened. Then, Taehyung raises his head to look at me and presses a soft kiss to my mouth before climbing off me and going out to dispose of the condom. He comes back in a few seconds, beautifully naked, and climbs back onto the bed next to me. We lie there in comfortable silence, our hands intertwined between us, while I think about how we were lying exactly like this just last night on a hotel rooftop when we’d met for the first time.
As the high slowly dissipates, I feel goosebumps erupt on my arm from the AC. Taehyung notices too, and wraps an arm gently around my waist. “Cold?” he asks, kissing my shoulder.
“Just a bit,” I answer, turning onto my side and kissing him. He kisses me back and, contrary to the roughness of what just happened, this is slower, deeper, almost loving. I brush my thumb across his cheekbones as he pulls me closer, eventually pulling me on top of him. Straddling him again, I pull away and sit up, getting my first good look at Kim Taehyung, naked. In my bed.
He’s beautiful. Unlike Jungkook who’s all bulk and muscle, Tae is much leaner, like a tennis player or a Formula 1 driver even. His torso is long and slender, while his collarbones arch to become lean biceps, sinewy forearms and slender fingers currently resting on my thighs. I look up to meet his eyes again to see him smirking up at me, like he knows exactly what I’m doing.
“This is my favourite hair on you,” I tell him, brushing his bangs out of his eyes slightly. He flicks his hair back as though out of habit. “Black… suits you.”
“Yeah?” His hands rise up to rest on my hips. “Just black?”
“The grey is a close second,” I agree after a moment. “The dark blond, too.” The fact of the matter is that Taehyung looks fantastic no matter what his hair looks like, but I can’t tell him that. He’s looking at me far too intensely; it’s making my face heat up. I suddenly feel conscious; he’s too gorgeous himself to be looking at me with this much reverence. “I need to… clean up,” I say finally, climbing off him and the bed, gathering my hair and slipping on my underwear as I search the floor for something to wear.
“My t-shirt’s right there,” he says, apparently knowing what I’m doing. I turn to see him watching me with a content smile, hands behind his head. Wordlessly, I pick it up and put it on, waving to him as I walk into the bathroom and close it behind me.
Once I’m in, I lean against the door and exhale. I can still smell him on me, on my skin, on his white t-shirt that reaches the tops of my thighs. I shut my eyes; it’s not that I can’t believe I just had sex with V of BTS - it’s that I can, even though just twenty-four hours ago, I was at a BTS backstage party waiting for him to just talk to me. I turn my head to look at the mirror and wince as I move closer.
My hair is a mess - no surprise there, considering how much Tae kept running his hands through it, tangling it and pulling at it. My stomach leaps at the memory of it. My lipstick, which had stayed through the entire time I’d been with the band, has now finally disappeared as well - no surprise there either. Moving closer, I brush my hair off my neck to inspect the most critical aspect of our session; I can’t stop a smile from appearing on my face. At the side of my neck, a couple inches below my ear, is a brand new hickey, blooming red and big.
I touch it gingerly and, almost as if it’s a signal, my inner thigh tingles. I know what it is before I’ve checked; right on the inside of my left thigh, barely three inches below my crotch are two smaller hickeys. When I check, there’s another on my right.
He’s marked me, I realise. The thought makes me feel strangely reassured. It doesn’t feel aggressive or possessive; if anything, it gives off a sense of… desperation, almost. As though he doesn’t want to miss the chance to prove that I’m -
“No,” I whisper out loud. I can’t let my thoughts go down this road, not tonight. I close my eyes, forcing myself to think about literally anything else, when I hear a soft humming of Tu les garçons et les filles again.
He’s on the bed where I’d left him, but he’s put on his boxers and is scrolling through his phone. The moment he sees me, he ceases humming and his face breaks out into the same boxy smile that regularly breaks millions of hearts around the world.
“Don’t stop,” I tell him, climbing onto the bed next to him and settling down on my stomach. “Sounded nice.”
Tae raises his eyebrows. “Yeah? You like it?”
“I always like hearing you sing,” I say honestly, my heart skipping a beat when he smiles and drops his gaze. “What? That can’t be the first time someone complimented your voice.”
“It’s not,” he admits, “but people usually prefer Jungkook or Jimin.” He says it in a matter-of-fact tone.
I shrug. “Yours is the sexiest.” He smirks, like I knew he would. When I bite my lip and raise an eyebrow, it widens into a grin.
“Will I get to see you drive tomorrow?” he asks, tugging on the ends of my hair.
“Definitely. I don’t see how they can postpone anything any further even if it pours all day,” I add, resting my head on my hands and looking up at him. “I really hope it doesn’t, though. We only get one practice session and Suzuka is hard enough for a rookie without the track being wet.”
Taehyung frowns but doesn’t say anything, brushing the back of his hand light against my cheek. My eyes flutter shut for a moment at his touch as I try to savour it as much as I can and not think about tomorrow. I’m just about to ask him if he wants to switch on some music - anything to get me to stop stressing before I really start stressing - when my phone pings, first once and then in a succession of pings.
I raise my head and turn around to the backpack I’ve been carrying around all day. I get up, leaving Tae lying on the bed, and retrieve it to see a series of messages from Lexie, all apologising for being MIA all day because of her food poisoning and that she hopes I’m ready for tomorrow. I text her back immediately, telling her to chill, when I see a notification from Max pop up just as a pair of arms wrap around my waist and my back meets a nice, warm, naked chest.
Taehyung lowers his head onto my shoulder and presses a kiss to the side of my neck, his long hair tickling my cheek. “Dilara,” he says quietly, and it sounds like his favourite song in the world. “Dilara,” he says again, this time in a whisper, grazing my ear with his teeth. My breathing stutters a bit but I don’t want him to stop; I close my eyes and sink back into him, tilting my head slightly to give him better access. I feel his breath on my ear and shiver.
“Do you want to order some food?”
My eyes snap open and I snicker, elbowing him in the ribs and pulling away. He laughs his deep, open laugh and I swoon - internally, of course. “I can’t eat anymore,” I tell him, shaking my head and leaning against the table. “I’m driving tomorrow so I have to, you know. Stay light.”
Tae nods understandingly. “Alright, I’ll just get food for me. Is that alright?”
“No, you are forbidden from eating if I’m not.”
“Hilarious. Oh, can you have ice cream?” he suggests. “Come on, who can say no to ice cream?”
I scoff. “All twenty of us getting into a car tomorrow. Food is bad enough, but sugar is absolutely the worst. Why do you think I said no to dessert in the car today?”
He frowns. “But… you ate the cupcakes,” he points out. “Why -”
I give him a look. “Well, firstly, I actually only had, like, two bites. I strategically offered bites to you and Jimin and Jungkook by which time the rest of you had finished the box. And secondly… well, of course I ate them. Jimin was so nice to get them for me,” I add, looking at the floor self-consciously. “Actually, why was he being so nice?”
Taehyung raises an eyebrow, clearly knowing what I want him to admit. “You ate the cupcake even though you’re not supposed to be eating sugar. Why were you being so nice?”
“Fair enough.”
He simply grins. “That’s me. I think Jimin likes you, though. He’s such a… how do you say it? Flirt?”
I laugh. “He’s cute. And, you know, my favourite member.”
Taehyung gives me an unimpressed look as my phone pings again and I go back to checking my messages. They’re mostly from Lexie and Christian, the latter of whom has sent me a screenshot of some data from last year’s race in Suzuka.
“Something wrong?” Taehyung asks, coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my shoulders, kissing my cheek with ease, as though he does it all the time.
“No,” I sigh, “just stuff to look over for tomorrow.” I try to keep the anxiety out of my voice but I know I haven’t succeeded. Instead of random encouragement, Tae just holds me a bit tighter and rests his head on my shoulder, swaying slightly to the music. I close my eyes and sink back into him, gripping his arms and swaying along.
“I dare you to do something!” We sing together all of a sudden and I turn around to see him singing just as dramatically as I am. He takes my hand and, just like earlier today, spins me and pulls me in by my waist and we sing the entire chorus and the next verse together until his long hair in his eyes and broad shoulders get too much for me and I get up on my tiptoes, wrap my arms around his neck, and try to kiss him.
Except I don’t reach.
It seems to take Taehyung a moment to realise what I was trying to do before he bursts out laughing. He overdoes it for sure, even when I pick up my t-shirt from the floor and throw it at him. “You’re so cute,” he tells me, smiling fondly and coming up to me to wrap his arms around my waist even as I half-heartedly try to push him off. He lowers his head and kisses me and, without warning, places a hand under my thigh and picks me up. I wrap my legs around his waist out of instinct as he turns around and takes me back to the bed. I’m on my back for just a few seconds before I flip us over and straddle him.
“My turn,” I tell him, flipping my hair over my shoulders and bending over him, tucking my hair behind my ears just as my phone rings. I groan and drop my head onto his shoulder before I climb off, chuckling at his protests. I pick up the call to hear Max Verstappen’s voice.
“This better be really important,” I state, placing a hand on my hip and looking back at Tae apologetically.
“It is,” says Max confidently. He sounds like he’s with someone when he says, “You want to go get a snack from the restaurant? It’s probably empty by now.”
I frown incredulously. This is important? “I’m, uh…” I trail off, turning and looking at Taehyung again, who’s now lounging on the bed looking like a Greek statue. I get the overwhelming urge to run my tongue up his lean, hard torso and force myself to focus. “... busy.”
I can almost hear Max raising an eyebrow skeptically. “Busy?”
“Yes. Very.”
“Like last night kind of busy?”
“Alright, Verstappen, I’ll see you tomorrow morning at breakfast. Bye,” I say loudly, interrupting his joking response. I shake my head and turn around to see Taehyung now off the bed and walking towards me.
“Hey,” he says, kissing me quickly on the mouth, “do you mind if I take a quick shower? I mean, I could go back to my room and do it and then come back to -”
“Go take a shower, Tae,” I say, leaning up and kissing him on the cheek, and smacking his arse for good measure. He laughs and disappears into the bathroom while I settle on the couch in Tae’s hoodie that’s lying on the table and open up Christian’s messages.
Fifteen minutes later, I’m going through the last one, my laptop open on my side with a picture of the track on full screen. I’m frowning, trying to calculate something in the third sector, when the doorbell rings. I get off the couch and open it to reveal Max Verstappen and Daniel Ricciardo, both in hoodies and joggers.
“Hey, we came to see if you changed your mind,” said Max, not even trying to lie. His gaze falls to your lower half and he smiles. “Looks like you didn’t, though.”
I’ve just remembered that all I’m wearing is an oversized hoodie (and it’s Max and Danny), so I don’t really care. “Afraid not.”
Daniel shrugs. “We can order in, too,” he suggests, his trademark grin appearing on his face, telling me instantly that Max has told him all about last night.
“That’s really not a good idea,” I insist. “In fact, why don’t you -”
“Hey, Dilara, I was thinking of ordering dessert in case you want -” Taehyung’s deep voice comes from behind me and I turn around in horrendous anticipation to see him in nothing but a towel around his waist, looking up from his phone, first at me and then at my guests.
Max and Danny are evidently speechless - and so am I, but for different reasons. Under normal circumstances, I would’ve been mortified, but I’m too distracted by the discovery that apparently the only thing that’s more attractive than Kim Taehyung is Kim Taehyung straight out of the shower. My eyes roam shamelessly over the beads of water still on his body, his wet hair falling into his eyes, how low that towel is…
I remember I have company and look back at Max and Danny, shrugging innocently. Taehyung, to his credit, doesn’t look the least bit embarrassed. His smooth, impassive face reveals the slightest smirk before he turns around and nonchalantly disappears back into the room.
I turn back to the boys, both of whom have a mixture of amazement and embarrassment on their faces. “You know what,” says Daniel finally, clapping Max on the shoulder, “you do seem really busy.”
“Yeah, we’ll see you in the morning,” agrees Max quickly, winking at me before I nod and shut the door. I walk back into the room to see Tae still in his towel, scrolling through his phone as he stands near the edge of the bed. I go up to him purposefully, shedding the hoodie and t-shirt on the way. He looks up at me and his eyes widen in surprise but I don’t stop.
“That was so hot,” I tell him in a low voice, reaching up to kiss him with one hand in his hair and undoing his towel with the other. If Taehyung is taken off guard, he doesn’t really show it. His arms go around my waist and he pushes me down on the bed, kissing me back.
This time, it isn’t quite like before, where we were just desperate to finally be together. No, this time, we go slower. Tae takes his time which, as it turns out, elicits a whole lot of other responses from me. He fully takes charge, too; it’s subtle and I don’t even realise it’s happened until I’m on my knees while he’s sucking on my neck and rubbing furious circles on my clit and I’m practically begging him to fuck me. He pulls me back flush against his chest as he begins a rhythm, each thrust making me whimper until we both finish almost at the same time and I can feel him pant against my back and kiss my shoulder.
We stay in bed after that, under the covers. We talk about indie music; he tells me he writes it and I inform him that I listen to it, followed by a bunch of recommendations. I tell him about the time I was at a music festival back home and was waiting for my friends at the smallest, least crowded stage and how much I don’t regret that decision to this day. He tells me about the first song he wrote and produced and how the songwriting process makes him feel lonelier than he’d imagined. I, after privately considering, end up telling him about my mother, and how Rudy Komyshan treating me like his real child is the only reason I’m able to race today.
Taehyung kisses me at that, a gentle, protective kiss, holding my face and brushing his thumb across my cheek. He doesn’t say anything but then again, he doesn’t need to. We lie next to each other and at some point I fall asleep, smelling lotion and feeling hard muscle underneath my fingers.
When I wake up the next morning, I'm alone.
~
Thank you for reading. Check out the link for Part 2 in the description, and don't forget to drop a review :)
Genre : Established Relationship! au, Comfort! au, Fluff, A hint of angst
Summary : You haven't watched a movie with your boyfriend in a long time. Or maybe more accurate would be the sentence - you haven't cuddled with him in a long time.
Warnings : None, except for the fact that it's written by me.
Word Count : 1.5k (does this count as a drabble? but whatever asjkshshej)
Author's Note : This drabble is uhh...quite random, I'd say. But then again, which work of mine isn't? The idea struck me while I was attending my classes and I was like why not? After I finished writing it, I really was in a Taehyung mood🤧
Anyways, please enjoy this drabble! It will mean a lot to me if you do so. And please leave feedback if possible (doesn't matter if it's good or bad). It motivates me a lot🌻
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You peep in at Taehyung's room through the half-open door.
There is no sunlight in there. The weather is cloudy today. Yet, he has somehow managed to keep the room warm. On walls painted white and brown, hang vintage paintings high and proud. The room is messy as always, Taehyung never bothering to clean it. Clothes are piled high on a chair, just a centimetre away from making a mess on the floor. The bed is still not cleared; blankets and pillows scattered on it.
He is sitting in his chair, squinting at the screen of the desktop through his glasses. His elbow rests on the table, his fingers grazing his soft lips and the tip of his nose. His brows are furrowed in concentration, giving him that intimidating look only he possesses (and it's scary, mind you).
You slowly push the the door, making space for you to squeeze into the room, silently praying that the door doesn't squeak. And it doesn't, luckily. You raise your head to look at him once again. He's still busy, head buried deep into his work.
You quietly tip-toe towards the back of his chair. And then, suppressing a laugh, you block his view by covering his eyes with your hands. You feel his eyelashes flutter under your touch and him jump in his chair, before he relaxes completely.
"Wh---Y/n, you gave me the fright of my life," he says, his deep voice filling in your ears.
You step away from Taehyung and turn to lean on the wall, facing him. He, too, tears his gaze away from the screen and directs it towards you.
"I intended that." You poke your tongue out at him.
He only laughs at that, the sound of it music to your ears. You have always loved his laugh; the sound of it, the way his face brightens up with a glow whenever he does so. Your heart melts, not for the first time since you first heard it.
"So, what are you here for?" he questions, raising his eyebrows at you. Does he know you love how his brows raise? He definitely knows. You roll your eyes at him.
"Does your girlfriend need a reason everytime she visits you?" you reply, crossing your hands on your chest.
"She usually doesn't visit without any reason, stating it right away when she enters, never wasting a moment. And when she does enter my house without saying a word, all she needs is cuddles. There always is a reason," he answers.
"She---" you try to come up with a clever and witty response, but fail to do so.
He smiles at you then, resting his chin on his hands and tilting his head. "As I said, my girlfriend never visits me without any reason."
You only puff your cheeks at that, annoyed because you can't find even a decent defence for yourself. He's good at this kind of stuff, for some reason.
"Let's just end that conversation right there. I'll just answer your question." You hesitate for a moment before continuing, "I want to watch a movie, alright? I just realized we haven't done so in a long time. And we'll watch romance, of course."
"Okay then, Y/n. Let me just finish writing this e-mail first," he says, motioning towards his desktop.
"What do I do till then?"
"Do whatever you want. Not like I have chained you up, honey." He turns his face away from you, shielding it from your view.
You only throw a dirty look at the back of his head and proceed to walk towards his balcony situated beyond the wide and tall windows of his room. Pushing the curtains aside and sliding the windows, you walk into it.
You love your balcony, you really do. But his holds a view undeniably better (maybe because it's his balcony). He sure does have good luck.
The city isn't as buzzing with crowds at this hour of the day. It's relatively calmer, making noise with only the silence for people to hear.
The cold, humid wind blows in, grazing your skin. It calms you down. You feel all your clenched muscles relax, giving in to the simple comfort of the wind blowing. You close your eyes and lean on the railings, placing both your hands on it.
In reality, you care nothing about the movie. It just hasn't been that great a day. Not bad, but it hasn't been the best one either. And your thoughts that constantly trailed towards negativity didn't help much either. Tired of them, you had found yourself walking aimlessly within the city, just simply looking at all that it held in it; at the buildings and the trees, at the changing seasons, at the sky and at the people. Feeling yourself unwind a little after that, you unsurprisingly found out that your feet had led you to the complex Taehyung lived in. You had smiled a little then.
Suddenly, you feel two arms wrap around your waist and a body slowly pressing against your back.
You only sigh, smiling. A warm feeling swirls in your chest. It is love and so much more that you feel for him. You spin around in his hands, turning to face him.
You find him smiling at you, eyes searching yours.
"You really love my balcony, now, don't you?" He tightens his grip on you a little.
"And so what? What if I do?" You cock your eyebrows at him, swiping your tongue against the inside of your cheek.
He pulls you close, and your face finds itself pressed into his chest. Your cheeks flame a little, but it feels nice. Comforting. Like home. You feel warm inside out whenever he holds you like this.
You breathe him in. Even his smell is so warm.
"Your breath is making me ticklish, Y/n. Don't do that," he laughs, and you feel his chest vibrating with laughter against your face.
"I..." you trail off, not knowing what to say. You only press your face into his chest further and wrap your arms around his back, holding him close.
"You're really in a cuddly mood today, huh? What about the movie?" he asks, and you hear the smile in his voice as he does so. He must be looking at you with those eyes. Eyes that your friend had once claimed that he only has reserved for his loved ones. As much as you want to look at his eyes and him, you don't want to distance yourself from him even a bit. Why in the world couldn't you do both of them together?
"I still want to. Just give me a second, please." And he does.
You try to savour his warmth, his body so close to yours, his hands on your back, his comforting presence. You don't know how much time you hold on to him like that. He doesn't move either.
When you finally look up, you find him looking at you with eyes so fond, that you immediately melt under his gaze.
"Shall we go now, Tae?"
"Okay. Let's go, Y/n." His eyes flit all over your face before he finally lets go of you, and you miss the contact quite quickly.
As you walk, his hand finds yours and his fingers intertwine with yours absent-mindedly. You smile quietly at the gesture.
As soon as you reach his living room, you curl up on the couch with the blankets and the pillows you brought on your way here.
Taehyung proceeds to turn on the television and scrolls through the seemingly endless collection of movies.
"Which one this time?" he asks, turning to look at you, only to find that you are already curled up on his couch. You really are in a cuddly mood today. He smiles, knowing that you are going to sleep halfway through the movie. He isn't complaining, though.
"Any movie is fine," you mumble in reply to his question, your voice a little muffled due to the layer of blankets you have wrapped yourself in.
He only shakes his head at you, smiling, and continues his search. At last, he decides on one and then walks towards your form on the couch.
After contemplating for a moment, he sits on the opposite end of the couch, as far away from you as possible.
Realising this, you scoot over to his side of the couch. He smiles like an idiot. You hardly seem to care about his win at this point. You curl into him, putting your arms around him and resting your head against his chest, his heart beating steadily under you. He too, secures his arms around your body, holding you close to him and rests his chin on your head. You smile at that.
_
"You're warm," you're mumbling, half-asleep, when barely 10 mins of the movie have been completed.
Your words warm him up as well.
_
To his surprise, it doesn't even take half of the movie for you to fall asleep. You must have really been tired today, he thinks as you snore lightly in your peaceful slumber.
Genre : best friend to enemies to lovers! Roommates au! Classmates au! Romcom.
Pairings : Taehyung × reader
Series: a drabble fanfiction of 3 sets.
Word count : 2.9 k
Summary : you shifted to a new city for your best friend Taehyung. He's your bestie since birth. You admitted to his school where you find life difficult. Taehyung being a fuckboi and you being is bestie he shares everything with you even his sex life and moves. But your character is far more different from him. You always looked for your comfort person. You dreamt of spending time with your future partners. Summary : you shifted to a new city for your best friend Taehyung. He's your bestie since birth. You admitted to his school where you find life difficult. Taehyung being a fuckboi and you being is bestie he shares everything with you even his sex life and moves. But your character is far more different from him. You always looked for your comfort person. You dreamt of spending time with your future partners. Even you're in high school you haven't kissed anyone as you want to secure your first kiss for your special one. What happened when Taehyung seized the chance from you of your first romantic kiss! you're in high school you haven't kissed anyone as you want to secure your first kiss for your special one. What happened when Taehyung seized the chance from you of your first romantic kiss!
Warnings : fuckboi, bestie bad words, private talks, best friend sharing sex life, abusing, angst, misunderstanding, bullying, kissing, smut, fluff, explicit, student life, dirty talks, wet dreams, hitting on, making out, Dom,sub, yandere.
Author note: here you go again, I loves writing this fic as it's have Loads of dirty talks we shared with our bestie, so just enjoy and read. Tell me your opinions then.
Chapter 2 ∆ CHAPTER 3
MASTERLIST
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Sitting on your couch you were unfolding the clothes you took from home last weekends. The purple frill short dress of your sister is now yours as she already left for her higher studies at aboard. You were happy but missing your family a bit more these days cause you were new in this high school where only friends of yours is Taehyung. The dumb. Your bestie since ages.
Yesterday, you came back from your hometown Daegu to Seoul for the studies. Or you can say to help your best friend Tae in his studies. As his mother forced you to stay with Tae in Seoul because of his poor academic performance. You're not so happy staying in Seoul leaving your family far miles away. But only for your bestie you were there. The last high school year you were gonna spent with Taehyung. You haven't met him since so long but he was the only one you keep on texting, calling every day when you both live far away from each other.
Here the academic things are quite different. Taehyung was helping you in all of that. He was so happy that you were accompanying him there. Living with eachother was both of your childhood dreams and now it's fulfilling. You and him live in his two storey building. You were on the ground floor and he was on the top. You were stressed but happy that Tae was still the same here. Nothing between you two have changed. He still baby care you like he used to during middle school. You were on the random thoughts of memories.
Suddenly someone patted from the back and you looked "Tae how are you?" He hugged you.
"You already home? I missed you." Tae replied.
"Yes, I'm. Unfortunately only for you here. By the way where were you?" You asked.
"Umm... Just Making out!" Taehyung sighed
"You're life is cool. Making out with Seulgi your girlfriend as much as you want." You smirked.
"Wait, no. I'm not making out with her. Apart from that also Seulgi is just my contract girlfriend. We have nothing like that stuff. We didn't even kiss. Soon our contract being a couple will end. Understood!" He scoffs
"I know. Then whom did you make out with?" You asked.
"Umm... Uhh.. actually I don't her name. But she's also new student in our school like you. But she's junior. But tomorrow I will ask her name!" Tae frowned .
"You're such a dick. Didn't even know her name. Only God can save you." You eyed.
"I'm an angel. Huh. She's the one kissed me first. I just kissed back. But her plump red lips taste like watermelon. God I want to kiss her again." Tae excitedly said.
"Stop. Maybe she use watermelon taste Chapstick. You never know." You chuckled.
"Whatever she uses is delicious. But she bite me in my lower lips so hard. It got redness and swell so much. See." He point out his lips to you.
"Aha! My poor baby got hurt. Use my lip serum or else it will get lump, you stupid." You handed over him your lip serum.
"Don't call me your baby tomorrow at school please. I'm the most popular here. Only your baby bestie at home." Tae smiled.
"Well, I got something to tease you. Baby bestie." You giggled.
"Stop now." Tae frowned.
You chuckled and put the clothes on your shelfs. And arrange your study desk. While you're doing all this Taehyung was sitting there and looking at you all the way. He was looking at your long dark hairs, pale fingers, thin postures and your beautiful small face. After completely setting up all the necessary changes you sit at the couch.
"You have changed a lot. Huh!" Tae asked.
"Me? Why!" You eyed him.
"I mean.. nothing. It's just when I saw you two years ago at our hometown you're so different. Now, everything about you changed. You're not my lil baby bestie anymore." Tae sighed.
"Shut up. I'm still your baby bestie for ages. Might be I'm little more glowing here. You know good looks matters." You smirked.
"Yeah, good looks. You got so much prettier. Now you have curves and boobs-" you cut him off.
"Of course. Got so much wiser too. I'm not 16 anymore. I'm a 18 year old girl with beauty." You said proudly.
"Leave that. You have packed your bag for tomorrow school?" He asked
"Yeah. Pretty much. You've plan for tonight?" You pinned.
"Umm... Yeah. If you're asking me to stay then I can actually. What's your plan? You probably should sleep!" Tae said.
"No, I'm just gonna watch something. You're good to go but remember your mother send me here to look after you. So, don't be late or either I will call Mrs. Kim aunt." You glanced.
"Okay, okay. Don't be so demanding. I'll be back at midnight after clubbing. You can do whatever you want in this home. With whoever you want-"
"Wait. What?"
"Sorry, my mistake. You're single. No one is there to do any fun with you. Poor _____, you can probably drink milk and sleep." Tae laughed so hard.
"You! Fucking Kid. I'll kill you. Stop." I screamed.
"Catch me if you can. Meet you at the morning. Byee." Taehyung said as he gone for clubbing.
You're sitting there getting bored so you watched some shows. Watching webseries is a whole mood. Romantic movies and your imagination for your loves one just increases. You were still searching for that special one who can get you butterflies in your stomach. The show was on climax where the protagonist gonna kiss his lady love. But suddenly you heard someone open the living room's door.
"You're watching porn?" Someone screamed after slamming the door. You can't see cause it's dark in the room and only the television screen light makes the person slightly visible. But you recognized the voice. It's Taehyung.
"What the fuck! You scared me asshole." You screamed.
"What's are you watching, is it porn? I haven't expected that from you." Taehyung sighed.
"Shut up, you ruined my moment. They're gonna share their first kiss. You know how much first kiss mean actually?" You gritted.
"First kiss! Lol! Is there something you should highlight like first kiss?" Taehyung eyed annoyingly.
"Yess! Fucking yes! You don't know how much first kiss mean for everyone. Most importantly for me. I want to share my kiss to my favourite, trustworthy and love of life. I have huge dreams for my first kiss." You explained.
"Ugh! I never thought about like this. My first kiss was... Um.. uh.. I don't even remember who it was! And you're still dreaming for your first kiss?" Taehyung rolled his eyes.
"Is dreaming is prohibited here? If no then shut up. I live in hope and imagination. One day, at the sunset into the sea shore, me and my love gonna share ourselves." You smiled.
"Ew. It's so cringe,______. Your lips gonna die virgin. You get it." Taehyung arrogantly said.
"What's so ever. But you're so early at home? Any special reason or were you missing me?" You asked giggling.
"Ah! That girl. She's the worst. I mean she runied my whole mood. She didn't even know how to moan." Taehyung sighed.
"I see. You were making out again and she wasn't good at it.?" You asked.
"No,she was good but she didn't moaning my name. That's the thing. Moaning is important." Taehyung said.
"Why? You want to hear her screams? Ew." You chuckled.
"It's the best thing. The pleasure in hearing your name when you're getting pleasure is insane. But she's just so silent. That's so important. That motivates me to go hard you know." Taehyung gritted.
"Well, you're just overreacting and nothing. How even moaning matters if anyone is good.!" You yawned.
"Huh. You will not get it. You still are a huge Virgin. Moreover your lips are too virgin. You have such a sad life,_____" Taehyung chuckled.
"I'm not like you. The one who got my lips will be special. Huh." You exclaimed.
A deep silence between two of you turned. Taehyung gazed on your orange plump lips with his pointed eyes. And then he smirked.
"How your lips will taste?" Taehyung smirked.
"Umm.. stop your flirting skills at me. You dickhead." You growned.
"Just kidding. I know it will taste like your peach Chapstick. I used it infinity of times. So I don't need to know." Taehyung chuckled.
"Now, go upstairs and sleep. Tomorrow it's my first day of school. I don't know how the kids gonna treat me there. I'm worried." You sighed.
"Don't worry, I always got your back,____" he pinched your cheeks.
"Thanks for always. Good night, bye. Sleep well, baby Kook." You wished him and went to your bedroom and slept.
Walking down the streets for the school. You looked at Tae , he was playfully kicking the rock across the road and he seems really happy. But on the side, you're super nervous for your first day of school. The hands keeps getting wet of sweat. You again remembered if you have take all your books and stationary in place. You dressed well and you look great as a high school kid. You keep on calculating things you need to tell others to befriend with them. And finally with handful of step counting you arrived on the front gate of your new school. It was huge, big then your previous school. Paintings, article and quotes all over the wall. The names of the top grade student at the board. You were excited to go inside and explore more but your nervousness can be seen.
"____,you look so nervous. Don't worry. I'm here. Student are quite friendly. You gonna love this place. Trust me." Taehyung smiled.
"Y-yeah. I have to love this place." You confidently answered and both of you entered the building.
With entering Tae just left you and went to a group of boys. You decide to find your class on your own and explore the school. The walls were coloured in yellow and purple. Neat and cleanliness all over. You look for the twelve C class at the school map and make your way there. Student are quite disciplined there, sitting at their places and making zero chaos. Looking at all the classroom you finally find yours. Not many student are there. Only some girls sitting at the last benches goosiping about something. You find a known face out of them. It's of Seulgi, Taehyung's girlfriend. He have quite a many times send you her photos. But in reality, she looks more hot and gorgeous. With out interacting with anyone you straight up choose a bench and sit. Few minutes after, the empty classroom get filled with student. You saw Tae with his group of boys. Laughing and kidding with each other. A chaos shifted when they entered. But at your surprise, Tae even didn't look at your face or talked to you. He completely ignored you. But then the teacher walks into and everyone settles to their place.
"Good morning kiddos. I think you probably have seen our new student,____. Introduce yourself to the class,____." Teacher asked me.
"Hey, I'm _____ from Daegu. Your new highschool classmate. Please treat me well." You introduced.
Everyone just rolled their eyes, pretending like they didn't even care about me. No one even came up to you to befriend. The class was horrible basically the kids there. But Tae's behaviour is the most shocking, he didn't even asked or introduce any of his friends to you. You felt really guilty to be there only for Tae. The teacher was kind to gave you enough attention and praising. You answered well in the class as no one other than you was interested in the class. For the first few classes you didn't speak to anyone but at last you thought of talking to Tae.
During the lunch time,you went up to the last few benches which were covered with boys. There your bestie was also present. You walked to him, but all the boys were looking at you. They were making laughing faces or most probably mocking you for talking to Tae.
"Tae, you want to have lunch with me?" You asked him.
He felt a little uncomfortable while speaking to you. "umm.. actually I don't really eat with anyone. We boys gonna eat together. Go help yourself." He rolled his eyes.
You just can't processed what he said. You still were blank. You thought of yourself what he mean by not eat with anyone. He was your fucking bestie and why he was pretending that he don't know you. You felt regretted asking him and walked out of there.
"Another gold digger, Taehyung. Don't let the girl trap you."
"I don't know that she also will be like everyone."
"Taehyung, she's hitting on you. Your pretty face always traps everyone gaze."
"This little nerd also have a taste to ask the most popular guy like Taehyung for lunch. Huh."
Everyone started to speak trash about you. You were just hearing everything carefully. Trying hard not to cry or fall a tear. Tae is literally standing there and hearing all that shit about you and not letting them stop. He just hummed with everyone. You were keep on cussing your self for thinking about anyone betterment. Those tear can't hold but fall from your eyes. You let out a sigh and ignored all of that and ate your lunch.
You were so distrubed that you decide to take a break from the classes and sit on library. You started to read a book comfortably.
"Taehyung, What's I'm hearing? The new nerd is hitting on you?" Seulgi asked
"Ya. You know, perks of being the most popular kid." Taehyung smirked
"Basically I came up to you, cause I just want to tell you that our contract of being a couple is gonna end." Seulgi said.
"Thank god. At last you get the boy you were looking for? Then let's post that officially. Taehyung and Seulgi broke up." Taehyung excitedly said.
"But before that you have to do one thing. That boy whom I'll be dating should know that we broke up because you cheated on me. Okay?" Seulgi said.
"I cheated, why? Then how would we show that I cheated? Any plan." Taehyung sighed.
"Kiss the new girl,____" Seulgi smirked.
"What? No way. She's my bes-" Taehyung stopped mid way.
"She's hitting on you. Then if you kiss her, then probably she also get happy. And you're for sure a fuckboi. So go for it." Seulgi said.
"It's enough. I'm not going to kiss anyone. Shut up." Taehyung arrogantly said.
"Well, then I think I should reveal your secret to everyone. Huh? Do you want it?" Seulgi rolled her eyes.
"But it's totally wrong. I ca-" Tae frowned
"You have to. Or else your secret will be no longer a secret." Seulgi giggled devilishly.
"Umm.. uh.. Fine. I will." Taehyung sighed.
He thought about you so much. He even know that you have high expectations for your first kiss. He knows you haven't kissed anyone. That's you're pure. But he realized that after all you were his bestie. The one you trust the most. The one you love the most. Starting from the birth you were with each other. He realized that you were gonna accept his mistake to take away your first kiss.
Reading your favourite novel of all time. You feel someone call you from behind. You take a look at the back and see it was Tae. You make a annoyance face at him cause he was acting like he don't know you.
"Hey." Tae underconfidently said.
"What?" You growned.
"Umm.. can you lend me something?" Taehyung said and looks at Seulgi and her group who was watching you both.
"Why are you acting so weird today? Don't you know me?" You asked.
"I said can you lend me something?" Tae arrogantly bunched the table Infront of you. It's like he desperately need you.
"Ya!" You screamed.
He walks closer enough to close his dark eyes. He softly breathed across your soft cheeks. You hitched and took a back from the chair. But he pinned you with hand on your arms. You were just going to tell him to stop. But he quietly plant a kiss on your smooth peach lips. For some seconds the moment was out of control, you can feel his plump red juicy lips of your. He again pushed you further to kiss back. Without your knowledge, you can't resist his lips and kissed him back. His soft delicate tongue hit your teeth, you just asked him to enter all along your mouth. The kiss you first shared with your own bestie. But as you gather the knowledge of what's happening, you just pushed Tae so hard with all your strength. He hit across the wall. The moment was shabby, you never thought something like this you have to face in your entire lifetime.
The anger of your first kiss going away, gives you severe pain. That pain turns to anger. You got panic how your own best friend can do this to you. You realized he's isn't trustworthy anymore. He was the same men like everyone who just want to get into your pants. You shuttered to even remind the memory. You looked at Tae with your anger and panic face, he was looking dumfounded.
You walks up to him and straight up slap him in his golden cheeks.
➸ summary: it all started with a rejection from your longtime crush, jeon jungkook. you decided to confess to him on your last day of high school. after a harsh rejection and a rough summer dealing with the heartbreak, you were starting anew once your freshman year of college came. you were going to be sharing an apartment with two other roommates that you don’t even know. what a surprise you’re going to be in for once you find out it’s the one and only: jeon jungkook and kim taehyung.
parts: ch.1 | ch. 2 | ch. 3 | ch.4 | ch. 5
A slap of the early October wind hits you as soon as you step out of the restaurant. Tears are falling out of your eyes as you stumble your way onto the sidewalk, still too drunk to be capable of walking properly.
All you felt right now was hurt and betrayal. Hurt that Jungkook had cited lines from your private letter written for him (that he rejected to read) and betrayed that he was awful enough to read it aloud in front of your friends, exposing your feelings for him.
He didn’t care about how you would feel at all. He didn’t care about whether or not it would hurt you, all he cared about was feeding his ego. He cared about reminding you constantly that you weren’t worthy enough to be decently respected by him and that you will never be someone that he will fall for. He didn’t care about you. He looked down on you and looked down on your feelings for him.
You felt stupid and disgusted with yourself for allowing yourself to be blinded by his attractive features to believe that he would at least be a decent person. You felt disgusted that you had fallen for a guy like him, and disgusted that this guy was going to be your roommate for another year. You were stuck with him. You can’t escape him. He’s going to be everywhere, even after this humiliating night. Your tears pour harder, unable to breathe normally.
To be honest, you didn’t even know where you’re heading to at this point. Your tears had blurred your vision and you didn’t care enough to wipe them off. You were just strolling around wherever, trying your best to not bump into something or someone.
Suddenly, you felt a hand being placed on your shoulders, forcing you to turn around. Their fingers are wiping your tears for you. “Finally, I found you.” you heard a familiarly comforting deep voice sighing out of relief.
Your clouded vision is gone and your eyes look up to see Taehyung. His cheeks are flushed pink, probably from the soju still, and his eyes were filled with worry. He looks at you with sympathy, causing you to feel angry. You push his hands off your shoulder.
“I don’t need your sympathetic look, Taehyung.” you said quietly yet harshly. “___, what happened back there?” Taehyung pants.
“It’s nothing, Taehyung. Just leave me alone.” you try to turn back around, wanting to feel miserable alone but Taehyung doesn’t let you. He grabs your wrists and pulls you back to face him.
“That wasn’t just nothing, ___. Look at you, you’re sobbing. Did Jungkook hurt you that badly?” his voice is pained, hurt seeing you like this. Hurt that his own brother hurt you like this.
You look down, pushing back a sob. However, you’re not that strong. The tears beat you and they fall hard again, making you sob harder. Instead of saying anything, Taehyung pulls you into his arms, and holds you tightly against his chest.
He lets you sob your eyes out in the middle of the busy sidewalk. He lets you pour out your pain into his arms and chest. You slowly raise your arms up and weakly wrap them around his warm body.
“Come on, let’s get you home.” he says to you softly, and the two of you walk on your way back to the apartment.
Shortly after, you arrive back home with Taehyung. His arms are around your shoulder, gripping onto you tightly against him. You slide off your shoes and kick them onto the floor, not caring enough to place them onto the shoe rack. Taehyung helps you walk to your room, and the two of you sit on your bed in silence.
You begin to feel embarrassed. Taehyung had just seen you cry for the very first time, and you couldn’t help but feel like you were being too dramatic. Your tears are all dried up but your eyes were now swollen. Your nose is stuffy and icky, and you just feel all stuffy and icky entirely.
Taehyung doesn’t pressure you to say or do anything. He wanted to make sure that you got into bed, safely and he wanted to make sure that you were going to bed feeling fine.
You look at Taehyung from your peripheral vision, and he’s just sitting there, looking at his feet and awkwardly kicking his feet together. You begin to feel thankful that Taehyung was kind enough to even go out his way to look for you and make sure that you were okay. Your heart was soaring with gratitude for your friend.
You begin to feel guilty that Taehyung was just caring for you, not even knowing what exactly was wrong. He deserved to at least know why you were so dramatically worked up. “I like Jungkook.” you croaked, your voice hoarse from the crying.
Taehyung snaps his head up and looks at you. “You like my brother?” he repeats. You nod. “Well, I’m currently going through the process of not liking him anymore,” you lightly chuckle.
“But yeah. I've had a huge crush on Jungkook since the very first day of high school. As you already know, we both went to Busan High together. I felt really intense feelings for your brother, and I hadn’t ever even spoken to him before. At least not until our graduation day, back in the spring. I decided to end my high school years by finally deciding to confess to him, even though I already knew that he would reject me. I had wrote him a letter, where I fucking poured out my feelings out for him. As expected, he rejected me. But coldy. It killed me, and I literally spent the entire summer crying my eyes over him,” you laugh at the memories of you being huddled up into your sheets, being heartbroken over him.
“When I had finally moved into this apartment and found out that he was gonna be one of my roommates, I was scared, to say the least. I was also kinda excited, knowing that I was going to be living with the boy I’ve been crushing on for years. I honestly don’t even know how he was able to find the letter I wrote for him. I feel so stupid, I knew I should’ve thrown it away as soon as he had rejected it. I didn’t know that Jungkook could be so cruel. Especially to me. What did I even deserve for him to be so harsh with me? Say how I felt to him? Did it gross him off that much? What he did tonight was just...really fucking insensitive.” your voice shakes again, thinking about what had happened just recently.
Taehyung stays quiet, unsure of what to say. Instead he just pulls you into his embrace again, and you cry again.
. . .
Saturday morning, Taehyung had been standing up against the kitchen countertop, sipping on his freshly brewed coffee. Jungkook hadn’t come home last night, and although he was beyond pissed at his brother, he couldn’t be worried as hell.
As if the universe was hearing his worries, he receives a text from Jungkook.
kook 🍪: morning, hyung. i spent the night at yoongis. i was too drunk to walk home. i should be home soon in a few minutes, yoongi is dropping me off home rn.
Taehyung reads the message and doesn’t reply. He looks off in the distance of the hallway and sees the door of your room. You had passed out into Taehyung’s arms after crying again when you had told him about your history with Jungkook. He tucked you under your sheets, and left.
After he had found out about what went down between the two of you, he had mixed emotions. He completely understood your feelings and sympathized with you strongly, but he was also so confused over Jungkook. He has never seen him act so harshly towards anyone like that before. Not even at their parents. Taehyung can’t help but feel as if Jungkook was overwhelmed with something that made him snap at you like that.
As Jungkook promised, he entered the apartment within minutes after his text. He looked sick; probably from the alcohol. Jungkook wasn’t really a drinker. His lips were chapped and raggedy. His hair was covered with a black beanie, and he still reeked of alcohol. Jungkook shares an exchange of awkward glances with his brother.
“I’m home.” he says hoarsely. Taehyung doesn’t say anything. He just gives him a disappointed glance and takes another sip of his black coffee. Two spoonfuls of sugar. “I kind of like, threw up a lot after you left the restaurant. Yoongi offered to let me spend the night at his place so I could come back home, sobered up.” he explains, even though Taehyung didn’t even ask. He knew Jungkook was trying to avoid talking about what had happened between you and him.
However, Taehyung wasn’t gonna let him off the hook like that. “You know what you did was like...really fucked up, right?” he starts off. Jungkook looked down at the ground, not feeling comfortable. “Just because you rejected her doesn’t mean that you have to treat her like shit. Isn’t she already feeling hurt enough by your rejection alone? I don’t understand.” Taehyung scolds.
“I know. I feel bad.” Jungkook admits. “You should feel worse than just bad. You need to apologize.” Taehyung demands, placing his coffee down onto the countertop. Jungkook just nods and walks away, heading towards his room.
Taehyung sighs in annoyance and rubs his temples.
As soon as Jungkook entered his room, he plops down onto his bed and stares up at his ceiling. Flashbacks of last night rush into his head. He does feel bad, he really does. But he can’t help but think that he acted so rash with you because of the letter. He still felt so uncomfortable. It felt weird for Jungkook. Jungkook wasn’t the best at dealing with intense emotions and he wasn’t good with understanding his own emotions too. It was something that he had accepted about himself a long time ago.
He knows that he can be an asshole too. He’s always had a cold exterior, as a way to avoid people from getting too close to him. His mother not being around must’ve had something to do with it. Jungkook didn’t believe in romance or relationships. He viewed them as a waste of time and effort. Investing yourself into someone else’s life like that? Having someone in your life that would always be with you forever? It made his skin tingle. It was all just so...uncomfortable for him to think about. Jungkook didn’t like complex things, he liked simplicity. And relationships and love are in no way considered to be something simple.
Jungkook groaned, not wanting to deal with these thoughts anymore. He turns to his side and tries to sleep off the minor hangover away.
You woke up to the sound of your phone ringing. You walked over to your desk and reached for your phone. It was a group video call from Jihyo and Chaeyoung. You look at yourself in your mirror, checking if you were still swollen from all the crying from last night. Thankfully, you looked as if you had just woken up from a deep slumber and not worse than that.
You pick up the call, immediately greeted by your friend’s smiling faces. “___!” Jihyo squealed through the phone. It’s been weeks ever since you last spoke with your two best friends. They were both too busy with their studies, making new friends, and getting accustomed into the new environments they were now living at for the next few years of their lives.
“Hi guys.” your raspy morning voice squeaks out. “Did we wake you up?” Chaeyoung asked. “Uhm, yeah but don’t worry about it. I’m so happy to hear from you guys, you can wake me up anytime you want to.” you joke, making your friends laugh. “I’ve missed you guys so much. I’m starting to hate living in London. It’s so gloomy all the time.” Jihyo whined. “Although I miss you guys like crazy too, I’m seriously loving Tokyo.” Chaeyoung bragged, smiling widely.
“I don’t blame you, Chae. Living in Tokyo seems like so much fun.” you sigh, in jealousy. “Jihyo, just drop out of school and come live with me.” you say to her, causing her to gasp. “Oh my gosh, speaking of living with you, you never ever updated us on how the phone call went with the mysterious phone number-person. Were they creepy? Did they try to kill you when you met up with them?” Jihyo babbled, her eyes widening with curiosity. You laughed, feeling happy to be talking with your crazy friends after so long.
“Actually, I’m living with that person right now. His name’s Taehyung, he’s a college student who also goes to Konkuk. He surprisingly didn’t give off serial killer vibes when I met him, and he’s a really nice guy. We’ve sort of become like friends.” you informed the girls. Chaeyoung gives you a look, and you know that look. And you know exactly what she’s going to say right now.
“Is he cute? Do you like him? Does he like you?” you roll your eyes, already expecting to be bombarded with all of these questions. “No, I don’t like him like that, Chae. And I’m pretty sure the feelings are mutual with him too. Although… he actually is really cute. Like, he’s stunning.” you admit, blushing. “Send a picture of him right now.” Jihyo demanded, her voice getting lower.
You listened to her and sent her a picture of him from his Instagram. Actually, you sent two. One of them was your favorite picture of him because you felt as if it showcased his real, bubbly personality. The second you sent was another one of your favorites because well, he just looked so damn good in it.
Chaeyoung cursed loudly at the photos of Taehyung. “Fuck, __, you’re telling me that you’re just friends with a beautiful man like that? Are you really telling me that you haven’t tried to suck his dick yet? Fuck, he’s so gorgeous.” Chaeyoung drooled, emphasizing the word “gorgeous”.
Jihyo gasped in disbelief. “I really might just fuck around and drop out of school and leave London to actually move in with you, __. How the fuck are you not going crazy living with a guy like him? I’m so disappointed and infuriated that I’m not you right now.” Jihyo sighed, thirsting hard over the pictures. She may or may not have had them already saved onto her phone.
“I don’t know, you guys. So far, I can only just see him as a friend. Trust me, I know that he’s attractive as fuck. I even get nervous whenever he’s close to me. I just feel like we click really well as friends.” you explain, understanding your friend’s frustrations. Jihyo groans at you. “I know why you aren’t into him, yet.” she says, with a knowingly tone in her voice.
“What do you mean?”
“You’re still into that jerk, Jeon Jungkook. I cannot believe you.” Jihyo sighed in disappointment. Your cheeks flush at your friend’s theory. “Oh my gosh, really __? It’s been like what? Four months ever since he rejected you. You still haven’t moved on yet?” Chaeyoung jumped in. You laugh, “Guys, I didn’t even say anything about Jungkook. You’re both getting mad over your own assumptions.” you chuckle.
You debated on whether or not you should tell yourself on the complicated situation of Jungkook being your other roommate. Fuck it, right? “Actually, there is something I have to tell you guys.” you say slowly, picking at your fingernails. The two of them looked at you, already interested in what you have to say to them. “So like, it’s not just me and Taehyung living together. We have another roommate living with us.” you say, your tone indicating that it was something shocking.
“Let me guess, he has a twin brother, who’s just as sexy as he is.” Chaeyoung predicts half-joking half-not. “Actually...it’s not his twin brother. It’s his stepbrother.” you confess. Jihyo and Chaeyoung are becoming more interested. “And? Is he cute too?” Jihyo asks.
“You guys already know who he is.” you chew on your bottom lip nervously. Their silence is telling you that they want you to just spit it out already.
You sigh, growing even more nervous. “It’s Jungkook.”
Jihyo gasps loudly and Chaeyoung drops her phone, showing a black screen. “Wait, you’re fucking joking right? Please don’t tell me you’re actually rooming with Jungkook.” Jihyo pleads, her naturally big eyes only growing wider.
Chaeyoung finally grabs ahold of her phone, with her hands covering her mouth. “I wish I was.”
“I bet you knew that Jungkook was already living there and you made up that whole mystery phone number situation just to make us think that you weren’t being creepy once you decided to tell us.” Jihyo predicts, still not buying the whole Jungkook rooming with you situation. “Jihyo! Why would I do that? Trust me, my reaction was literally the both of yours combined, with a sprinkle of anxiety.” you sighed. “No fucking way that this is your life right now. You’re living with a sex god and your high school crush that rejected you. Are we living inside a drama or something?” Chaeyoung said, still having an adrenaline rush at the secret you told exposed.
“What’s it like living with him?” Jihyo asks, chewing on her hair. You take a moment to find the right word to describe your situation with him. Complicated? Agonizing? “It’s not as fun as you guys probably think it is. It’s...slightly uncomfortable.” you summarized.
Uncomfortable:
adjective: causing or feeling unease or awkwardness. Seems about right.
. . .
After your video chat with Jihyo and Chaeyoung, that had lasted for hours just catching up with each other, you noticed that you were feeling better and happier. However, you never told them about what had gone down last night. The wound to talk about with them was still too fresh. You still haven’t left your room ever since you’ve woken up. You were too afraid to bump into Jungkook and feel the awkwardness and embarrassment.
Instead, all you had done was just lay in bed and mindlessly scroll through your phone on social media. Normally, you hated being on social media. It wasn’t really a great source of entertainment for you. But these are the things that you do when you’re bored out of your mind.
You wondered what Taehyung was up to. The entire apartment has been awfully silent when normally, it’s full of the sounds of Jungkook’s video games, Taehyung cooking in the kitchen with his music on blast, and your constant whining and complaints of how useless Chemistry is.
You go to your messages and tap on Taehyung’s name:
you: wyd
Within a few seconds, he responds.
tae :p: finishing up a book i've been reading for the past few days
tae :p: and you?
you: i'm bored in my room. i'm kinda afraid to leave
tae :p: if ur scared abt running into jungkook, don’t worry. He's been asleep in his room for hours. his hangovers probably killing him
you: good.
tae :p: LMAO
tae :p: i know it's saturday but do you wanna order some pizza and watch a movie, as if it was a friday.
You began to get excited at his idea.
you: uhm YES? i'll go find us a movie to rent
tae :p: and i'll go ahead and order us our pizza :)
The movie of the today that both you and Taehyung had “agreed” on watching was Star Wars: A New Hope. After you had found out that Taehyung had never seen any of the Star Wars movies before, you basically forced him against his own will to watch at least one of the movies with you.
“Wait, so remind why we are starting off with watching Episode 4 instead of Episode 1?” he asked while eating chewing on his pizza. “Episodes 1-3 serves as the prequels of the entire series. It’s taking us back in time to Darth Vader’s history and how he came about as the villain. If you wanna go in chronological order of the stories, you have to start with Episode 4.” you explain.
Taehyung looks at you for a while and laughs. “You’re such a nerd, ___.”
You act offended and throw a piece of pizza crust at him, only for him to catch it with his mouth. “Oh, that was really nice.” you say sarcastically.
The two of you continued on watching the movie, about halfway through it, until you hear the sound of a door closing. Your heart drops instantly, automatically knowing that it was Jungkook, who had woken up from his nap.
You stayed calm on the outside, not wanting to worry Taehyung. You eyes were glued onto the television, chewing your pizza furiously.
Jungkook woke up from his nap a few minutes ago, with his minor hangover gone but still feeling gross and sick. I’m never getting myself drunk like that again.
He leaves his room, and enters the bathroom, wanting to refresh himself. He splashes cold water onto his face to wake himself up. He brushes his teeth and washes his face again for the second time. He rinses his body off in the shower to clean away the alcohol and puke smell. After his quick rinse, he changes into a fresh pair of his usual loungewear: grey sweats and a black shirt, and goes to look for something to eat.
As soon as he leaves his room, he’s welcomed by the familiar aroma of pizza from the living room. He makes his way over to the living room and sees you and Taehyung occupying the room, munching on pizza and watching Star Wars.
You do your best to avoid eye contact with him as he takes a long hard look between you and Taehyung. “Are there any more slices left for me?” he speaks up after a moment of standing and staring. Taehyung lifts up a box, signaling him to come grab some slices.
Jungkook walks past you, and you immediately inhale the scent of his freshly rinsed body. He snatches a few slices and mutters a “thank you” to Taehyung before walking back into his room. Completely ignoring you.
You would be lying if you said that you weren’t at all bothered and hurt that he didn’t acknowledge you, but honestly, you had expected this behavior from Jungkook. “The tension between you two is so suffocating.” Taehyung admits. You don’t say anything but weakly smile at his remark.
. . .
Sunday finally comes and you wake up in the living room. You and Taehyung had both passed out in the living room after watching Taehyung’s choice of the movie: Moonlight. It was already late by the time the movie had finished, and as always, once it hit 2 o’clock in the morning, you were out.
You wake up to see Taehyung’s chair empty. The mess of pizza boxes and dirty napkins had been cleaned up as well and you notice that a blanket has been draped over your body. You don’t even remember bringing a blanket with you, while watching the movies with Taehyung.
You reach over your phone and see a text from Taehyung himself. Except it was a group message: to you and to a random phone number that you didn’t recognize:
tae :p: hi jungkook and __, i'm not gonna be home today. I have an important interview down in Yeosu for a chance to get a nomination on a short film of mines to be shown at a prestigious festival. i'm going by bus so it's around like a 5 hour commute but i'm gonna be meeting up going with some film school friends of mine and we plan on hanging by the beach all day. u two are big kids and know how to make ur own dinners and stuff. i'll see u guys tomorrow!
tae :p: p.s. pls make sure u don't end up setting the apartment on fire or something
Your mouth goes dry after reading the very first sentence of his text. You and Jungkook? Alone in the apartment together? All day? A wave of nausea starts circling around inside of you and it hasn’t even been five minutes since you had woken up.
You hide under the blankets and force yourself to sleep some more. Maybe this is just a dream, you say to yourself. Or a nightmare.
You were only able to sleep for another 30 minutes until your body had given up on you. Sighing, you get up and head to the kitchen to make something to eat.
It didn’t take long for Jungkook to appear and enter the kitchen as well. The two of you made very brief eye contact, without saying a word to one another. You were the first to break eye contact.
You were starting to feel uneasy, being alone in the same room as him. The fact that you had to spend the whole day alone with him just made it even worse. You decided to just eat buttered toast and coffee for breakfast.
Jungkook was making himself scrambled eggs with a piece of chicken breast on the side. It was a protein-heavy breakfast for him. Jungkook, too, was feeling awkward and uneasy. After he had read Taehyung’s text this morning, he almost jumped out of his window.
Jungkook knew he had to talk to you. He knew he had to apologize at least. He knew that what he did was hurtful but he just didn’t know how to approach you. He didn’t know the right words to say, or when the right moment to apologize was. Jungkook didn’t like complicated things. He wanted to find the easy way out.
You had been thinking of ways to avoid being at home and avoid being around Jungkook the whole time while you were making your breakfast. Remember that one day when you meditated and jogged before going to school? Yeah, so that was a one time thing. You decided that you were going to get back into that today, mainly as a way to be out of the house.
You ate your toast and coffee in under 15 minutes, rested your stomach for another fifteen and got changed into your workout clothes. Every time you leave your room, you hesitantly look around to see if he was around. Seeing that the coast was clear, you sped off towards the door.
Immediately, you bump into Jungkook as soon as you had opened the door. Jungkook had just come back from taking out the trash and getting the mail. “Sorry.” he mumbles you and walks away, entering the apartment.
At least he knows how to say the words “sorry”.
. . .
You jogged around your neighborhood for a good thirty minutes, nonstop. You were sitting down on the bench that was within a playground and you were watching the children play, enjoying themselves and each other. You stared at the parents helping their children play on the playground equipment. There were groups of young children playing tag, and there was the elderly people feeding some food to the birds that rested on the ground.
The whole scenery felt as if you were in a Disney movie. It helped keep your mind off things for a while, and allowed you to appreciate the beauty that was going on outside of the world and to not focus on the dreadful events that were going on within your own world.
You got up from the bench and decided to head on back home, remembering that you had some homework that was waiting for you back inside.
As soon as you had entered the apartment, you rushed towards the shower and rinsed your body off from the sweat you had accumulated from your jog. Changing into a fresh pair of pajamas, you grabbed your backpack and sat yourself down at your desk and began on your homework.
Even after the hefty breakfast that Jungkook had earlier, he still found himself even more hungry and wanted more food. He rummaged through the refrigerator, looking for something to eat. The fridge was basically empty, with only a carton of milk and jars of spices left in there. There wasn’t any of the essentials: vegetables, fruits, snacks, meats, or even ramen noodles left in the house.
I’m gonna have to go grocery shopping right now. Jungkook thought to himself. Jungkook has never gone grocery shopping on his own before. He was either always with Taehyung or Taehyung just did the grocery shopping himself. He looked around for a piece of paper and pen to write down the list.
He remembered that you held an unhealthy amount of sticky note supplies and all other sorts of stationary (which is odd for someone who doesn’t like to study or even studies at all in the first place).
Jungkook walked over to your room and knocked. Your breath hitched at the sound and knew that it was Jungkook out there. You just stared at the door, not knowing what to do. Maybe he was going to apologize for what had happened last night? Or maybe he just wanted to finish off his cruel words by ending it with a nice slap in your face and tossing a spit at you, for the cherry on top.
“Come in.” you say quietly. Jungkook opens your door slowly, not bothering to look at you in the eyes. “Can I borrow a sticky note and pen?” he asked. He noticed that you were in the middle of studying and doing homework: an unexpected sight for him to see. “What for?” you asked, looking back to your textbook.
“I’m gonna write down the grocery list that I’m gonna go buy.” he answers. You furrowed your brows together. “Why can’t you just write them down on your phone?”
“Oh. I didn’t think of that.” he said, simply. There was an awkward tension between the two of you. You sighed, and grabbed a block of a neon hot pink sticky note and tossed the purple pen that you were currently using at him. He caught the two supplies, staring at them with a confused look. “How am I gonna be able to read the words with a bright colored pen on a dark neon colored surface?” he asked, his eyebrows arching upwards.
“I don’t know. Figure it out.” you answered, coldly. It felt liberating to be able to talk to him this way. “Can I at least have a different color of the sticky notes?” he asked, already beginning to bother you. You sighed again, harder this time, and tossed him the regular yellow block of sticky notes. He caught it again, and walked over to you. He placed down the neon hot pink block of notes right next to your textbook.
“Thanks.” he answers, beginning to walk off. “Buy bread and eggs.” you interrupted.
Jungkook turns his head back to you, giving you a curt nod before beginning to walk away again. “And soy milk too.” you add. He stops, turns back around again, and purses his lips together. “Would you rather come with? So you can get what you want?” he suggested, hesitation in his voice.
Your heartbeat quickened at his proposal. Why would he ask you to accompany him to the grocery shop when he didn’t just expose your deepest secret in front of all your friends? As if he didn’t make you cry hard for hours? You grit your teeth, in frustration. “Why can’t you just write down what I want you to get and just go alone?” you hissed.
“Well, I’m not really familiar with grocery shopping in the first place. Usually Taehyung does it for me.”
You scoffed. “You’re so spoiled. Just read the names of the isles in the store, it’s not hard.”
“So, you’d rather keep studying then?”
You looked at him hard, feeling aggravated as hell. “I’d rather study for a whole year straight than accompanying you to the grocery store.”
“If you come, I’ll buy you two cartons of soy milk instead one.” he insisted, eyes lighting up mischievously. You actually thought about his offer. I mean, I do love soy milk. Like a lot.
“Alright. But if you say something that’ll piss me off, I'm not gonna hesitate to pop you in mouth in public.” you threatened. He lightly smiled, amused at your ballsy comment, and signaled you to hurry up.
. . .
The walk to the grocery store was awkward. It was quiet and odd. You guys lived in the middle of a slightly busy downtown college city in Seoul, so it was normally loud all the time. But the tension between you and Jungkook was so loud that it basically silenced the sound of the city.
Jungkook felt shy for the very first time in...years? The last time he had felt this timid and small around someone was when he transferred elementary schools, after he and his mom had to move in with Taehyung and his dad when their parents had finally gotten married. The teacher made him introduce himself in front of the whole class. But, in English.
He transferred to the same school as Taehyung and it was an international preparatory school where they spoke both English and Korean. All of the students were already very conversational in English and Jungkook didn’t know a lick of the language, not even the word “hello”. It was the first time he had ever felt small and dumb.
This was how Jungkook was feeling right now for the first time since that day. Jungkook wasn’t the kind of guy who made mistakes, or the type to feel bad for others. But for some reason, he did feel bad for you. He felt guilty. He felt uncomfortable, having to deal with these emotions.
Eventually, the two of you had reached the grocery store. Jungkook grabbed a cart and began pushing it, with you following next to him. You knew that Jungkook was tall but he really is so tall. At least compared to you. It made him more intimidating and you felt like a miniscule piece of dust in comparison to him. “What bread do I get?” he asks you, parking next to the isle of grains and milks.
“Get one wheat and one white; Taehyung likes white bread.” you instructed. Jungkook looks at you, surprised at the fact that you knew his brother like that already. Jungkook nods at you and grabs the two packs of bread. “Okay now, what eggs do I get?” he asks again. “Do you seriously not grocery shop for the house that often or something? Do you not know what’s inside our fridges?” Jungkook shrugs. “Not really. I let Taehyung do everything. At least I do all the cleaning.” he defends. “But Taehyung also pays for your part of the rent and his rent on top of that.” you fought back. Spoiled brat, the least he could do was pitch in for the food.
“Just get the brown eggs.” you muttered, rolling your eyes. Jungkook does what he’s told and moves onto the milks. “Do you need to know what milk to get too?” you asked, sarcastically. Jungkook looks at you with an annoyed expression. “No, I’m fine actually. Thanks.” he responds back with the same tone of sarcasm.
The rest of the grocery shopping trip was left with silence, occasionally talking if Jungkook didn’t know what brand of the product to buy. You noticed that Jungkook usually had everything handed to him. Free rent, a full ride scholarship to a good university, all his nice and expensive decor in his room that was provided by his stepfather. Everything was handed to him and he was pretty spoiled. Even Taehyung pitches in to give him what he wants. Not that Jungkook even asked to be spoiled like this: he’s spoiled out of pity. It’s sort of like a “hey, sorry that no one pays attention to you, here’s everything you could ever want as a way to make up for it” sort of spoil. And Jungkook didn’t mind the least bit, honestly.
The two of you were having your share of holding the grocery bags and walking your way back home. It was already nearing dinner time, and neither of you had any idea on what to eat. As soon as the two of you entered the apartment, you placed all the grocery bags in the kitchen and Jungkook helped you put away the groceries -- that he actually bought with his own money for the first time. Again, the entire time it was silent and awkward. You sort of wished it was back to the way it was when Jungkook would ignore you and you were the one who would be forcing all the one-sided conversations. And normally, you would always just stare at Jungkook whenever he does anything. Cooking, studying, watching him enjoying his anime, and the back of his when the two of you would walk to campus together. It’s so different now. Now, you were just filled with rage whenever you saw him.
Jungkook had finished putting away the rest of the groceries and walked off into the living room, making use of himself on one the reclining chairs. Your stomach was grumbling like crazy, and yet you still had no idea what to make for yourself for dinner. You grabbed for your phone and searched up “Easy and Simple 10 minute dinner ideas”. The easier, the better for your clumsy ass.
Easy Chickpea Curry Recipe! Immediately, your eyes were attracted to the words “easy” and “curry”: your favorite meal. This meal required less than ten minutes of prepping time and less than thirty minutes to make. In an instant, you reached for all the required ingredients, not wanting to waste anymore time to be hungry.
First, you had to make the rice, which was easy enough. You reached for your bag of white rice and scooped a few cups of it into the rice cooker. You poured the water and immediately pressed “start” to begin the cooking process. Then comes the mincing of the spices: yellow onion, garlic, and ginger. You tossed in the spinach, chickpeas, cumin, coriander, tomatoes, and curry powder into your pot. Finalizing it with the coconut milk, you let your pot of curry boil and absorb the spices together. You sat down on a chair by the countertops and scrolled through your phone and watched YouTube videos as you waited.
As if the universe wanted to embarrass you even more, you began to smell the scent of something burning. Immediately, you looked up, and saw your pot of curry clouded with steam, along with your rice cooker as well. “Fuck.” you ran to the stove top, and the smell of the curry was as unappetizing as it looked. “What just happened?” you whispered to yourself.
Jungkook was in the middle of watching an episode of his anime before he was interrupted by the smell of burning food. He turned his head to the kitchen and noticed a cloud of fog traveling towards to the living room. As if it was on cue, the fire alarm began to blare. Jungkook sighed and got up, walking towards the kitchen. Immediately, he saw you swatting away the cloud of smoke, coughing hard. Jungkook grabbed a dish rag and began to whip the fire alarm, shutting it off. He turned to you, and grabbed your shoulders, making you face him. Your face was full of the curry stains and sweat. Jungkook groaned, unsurprised at the situation you brought yourself into.
He turned off the stove for you and moved your pot of curry into another unoccupied stove. He then unplugged the rice cooker, and wiped the kitchen clean. You sat yourself down back on your chair, staring at him handling your mess. You were humiliated. Humiliated with yourself for managing to make yourself seem pathetic in front of him again.
“What were you trying to make?” Jungkook asked you, as he finished cleaning off the last few drops of curry on the floor. “Chickpea curry.” you mumbled, your voice monotone.
“I don’t think this kind of curry was supposed to turn out looking like poop brown,” he said to you before walking to the rice cooker, and taking a spoonful of it. “And I don’t think you even washed the rice properly before cooking it,” He spat out the rice back into the cooker. “Nor did you even bother to season it.” You looked down at your socks, embarrassed.
“Let me see the recipe.” he ordered, holding his hand out for your phone. Not having any other choice, you handed it to him, shyly. He read the instructions once and handed the phone back to you. “I don’t understand how you were able to mess up such an easy dish like this.” he shook his head in disappointment. He tossed out your pot of curry and your nasty rice into the trash bin. “Come here,” he instructed. You hesitantly walked to him, standing close behind him. “Watch me wash and season the rice correctly.” he emphasized to you. You nodded slowly, and watched Jungkook show off.
You watched him rinse and drain the rice about three times. He washed the rice in a circular motion with his hands, clockwise, at a speedy pace. He repeated that again for another three or four times. He then re-rinsed it again, two more times. “Look at the rice.” he urged you. “What does the water look like?” he asked, as if you were a little kid. “I don’t know, clear?”
“Yeah. Exactly. Your rice needs to look visible in the water to indicate that it's clean, or else if the water still looks cloudy, then you’re gonna be feeding us dirty rice that was filled with bugs and other pesticides.” he warned, his voice sounding strict and serious. You didn’t even know this. Have I really been eating dirty rice full of pesticides all my life...
“You need to season the rice with salt and garlic.” he told you. “What? Garlic?” you asked. “Trust me, it makes a huge difference.” He grabbed some cloves of garlic, minced it, and tossed them into the cooker, along with a dash of salt. He grabbed a lime and sliced it in half, squeezing the juice into the rice cooker. “Rice seasoned with lime juice will make the curry taste a lot better.” he explained. You could only nod, listening to the chef Jungkook tell you what to do.
He then proceeded onto the curry dish, and prepped it exactly the same way you did. At least you got something right. Then he added olive oil into the pot. Olive oil…
You forgot to cook it with oil. You sighed in annoyance, at how one missing ingredient completely ruined everything else.
Within just under twenty minutes, Jungkook completed the dish. He sliced another lime and placed on the side, finishing the appearance of the dish. It was red, creamy, and juicy and the smell was so aromatic and spicy. You couldn’t help but be jealous of his skill.
The two of you were sitting at the dinner table together, eating the chickpea curry together. You took the first bite of it, and you felt as if you could almost cry just by how well it tasted. The rice was a lot softer, and the curry’s spiciness and flavors were out of the world. “Thank you.” you muttered to him, with your mouth full. “You’re welcome.” he says back, catching you off guard. Jungkook has never said that to you before. He never responded to your greetings and gratitudes to him. “Thanks for at least attempting to make dinner.” he added, catching you even more off guard. He wasn’t looking at you, though. His eyes were facing the food. Your heart was beating fast at his sudden words of acknowledgement for you. You just nodded and continued eating your dinner.
The rest of dinner was left in a slightly comfortable silence and the clinks and clanks of your utensils hitting against the plates. After dinner, Jungkook even helped you with the dishes. He was washing and lathering the dishes with soap and you dried them with the rags. More comfortable silence fell upon the two of you.
“I’m sorry.”
You snapped your head to him, his eyes meeting yours. “What?” you whispered. “I’m sorry. About what happened on Friday.” he repeated. Was Jungkook actually apologizing to you? Is he being serious?
“I don’t know what came over me, honestly. My ego must like to go crazy while I’m drunk.” he looked back down at his socks, drying his hands clean after washing up the last few dishes. You stayed silent, completely taken aback by his sudden words. “How did you find the letter?” you finally asked. “I was looking for a pencil and I searched through your desk. I accidentally came across it and I was just...tempted to read it, I guess. It was after you had knocked out.” he explains, looking back up at you.
Your heart dropped at the confession. “Oh.” was all you had mustered up to say. “I’m not gonna force you to forgive me or anything. I just wanted you to know that I feel bad.” Jungkook looked at you with genuine sincerity in his eyes. Your heart pounding loudly against your chest. You still couldn’t say anything.
“I’m gonna go ahead and shower.” Jungkook ended the conversation and walked out of the kitchen. You stood there with a dish in your hand and the rag on the other, still in shock at what had happened.
You couldn’t help but feel satisfaction and glee bursting inside of you.
. . .
“So, how have things been since Friday night?” Hoseok asked you, via facetime. “It’s been really awkward and dreadful having to see him around our place. At first, it felt really suffocating having to be at home and I literally forced myself to go on a jog just to get out of there.” you laughed, along with Hoseok joining in.
“But, today was kinda different. We went grocery shopping together. And, then he helped me re-make this dish that I really messed up on. And then he...apologized to me? I don’t know. It was all so sudden. I was already preparing myself to go throughout the entire year not talking to him anymore but the fact he had apologized a lot sooner than I expected was all so...odd? I still feel odd.” you admitted, looking upwards at the ceiling.
“I see. You know after you had left, Taehyung smacked his head and called him a dickhead. Taehyung seems to care about you a lot,” Hoseok wiggled his eyebrows, causing you to smirk. “I mean yeah, his brother had just embarrassed the shit out of me.” you laugh. “I don’t think he was mad at Jungkook for what he said. It seemed like he was upset at the fact that you were hurt. As if he didn’t like seeing you that way. I feel like Taehyung seems to really care about you.”
You could tell that Hoseok was trying to hint something, by the way he emphasized on “really”. “Hoseok, it’s not like that, honestly. I’m sure Taehyung was more mad at Jungkook than he was concerned about me.” you defended back, not wanting Hoseok to think more into Taehyung caring about you in that sort of way that he’s teasing about.
“Please, ___. I can already tell he’s whipped for you like crazy. As soon as I saw the way he looked at you when Yoongi and I met him at the coffee place last week. he literally smiled at you as if you were the most precious thing. And then, I kept watching the two of you giggle and stuff when you were looking at the menu together. You were so close against each other, you might as well have kissed.” Your mouth gaped wide open. “Shut up! It’s not like that, Hoseok. I don’t know, we’ve just been getting closer as friends, that’s all. I feel comfortable with Taehyung as like he’s a good friend only.”
Hoseok snickered. “Keep telling yourself that, ___,” you sighed, giving up. You knew that Hoseok will never change his mind on his perspective of you and Taehyung’s growing friendship unless Taehyung were to accidentally kill you or something like that. “From what Yoongi’s told me, Jungkook doesn’t act that way unless he's stressed out or overwhelmed on something. Apparently, Jungkook’s had his fair shares of harshly outbursting at him whenever he’s overwhelmed with the demanding work that their internship has him doing.” Hoseok pointed out.
“Wait really? What kind of internship are the two of them even doing in the first place?” “It’s some sort of engineering internship. They’re creating something together and Yoongi’s his mentor.” he informed you. “Did they just met this year?” you asked, interested in their history. “No, Yoongi’s known Jungkook since they were in middle school, he’s only a few years older than him but Jungkook’s always seen him as his closest friend.” Hoseok explained, smiling at the cute relationship between the two.
“That’s cute.” you admitted, cracking a smile too. “Just do your best to distance from Jungkook a little more, __. I know he’s apologized already but don’t let his words have too much power over your actions. You’re a strong person. You should give it more time to let the hurt that he caused to heal some more. In the meantime, you should try to spend some time with yourself. Get to know yourself and love yourself some more. I’m here for you and have grown to love you and cherish you a lot as my friend, ___.” Hoseok advised to you. As soon as he met you on the very first day of classes, Hoseok already knew you were someone to have an everlasting positive impact on someone’s life. As soon as he saw your smile flashing at him, it had already shown everything he had to know about you.
You felt yourself feeling a little emotional over Hoseok’s words. It made you reflect on everything: your feelings, Jungkook, and reflect on what a great person Hoseok was to come to when it came to letting out emotional distress. “You know, you could make an amazing therapist or something like that, Hoseok. You bring hope and happiness.” you gave him a heartfelt smile, letting him know that you meant everything single word.
His contagious smile spread wider at that. “You really think so?” You nod in agreement. “I appreciate you and our friendship, __.” His soft beam at you showed his sincerity in his words as well. “I appreciate you and our friendship too, Hoseok. I’m gonna get ready for bed. I love you.” you said to him for the very first time. Hoseok chuckled, “I love you too.” “Who exactly are you saying ‘I love you too’ to?” Yoongi appeared, immediately causing you and Hoseok to jump and scream. “Fucking hell, Yoongi.” Hoseok cursed.
After listening to the couple bicker for a little while now, you hung up without any warning and got up from bed to brush your teeth and do your nighttime skincare routine. As you made your way towards the bathroom, the door had already sprung open as you were about to turn the doorknob, making you jump.
Jungkook appeared in front of you, with a very provocative sight in front of you. He was shirtless, his chest glistening from the water of the shower, with a white towel wrapped around his lower body portion. His hair was slicked down and wet from the shower and his freshly cleansed aroma wafted all around him and the bathroom. He looked delicious, to say the least.
Your heart was racing and pounding loudly against your chest at the sinful sight. His lips looked juicier and plumpier, with a shade of a rosy pink. His eyebrows were arched, looking down at you.
“Did you need to use the bathroom?” he asked, rubbing his hair with another smaller towel in his hand. “Huh?” you asked again, not listening to a single word he said. You were much too occupied paying attention to something else. “I said, do you need to use the bathroom? Am I standing in your way?” Not a single word comes out.
“Why are you staring? Do I have something on my face?” he asked, clearly confused. Yes. Sexiness. you answered inside your head. “__?” Jungkook waved his hand in front of your face. It’s the way you desperately wanted to grab his veiny hands and suck his fingers off, and immediately harass his face with passionate kisses, and rip his towel off to look the rest of the beauty that was hidde-
Wait. Pause.
You are certainly not doing a great job at getting over Jungkook. Especially not when he was built like this. “Sorry. You just distracted me with your nude chest. You should probably put that away.” you pointed at his bare chest. Jungkook looked down at his muscular abs and up back at you, chucking. “What? Like what you see?” He took a step close to you.
You didn’t back up like you normally would. Maybe it was the lust that was overwhelming you, not wanting him to stop getting closer to you. This is the same boy that embarrassed you and exposed your crush on him in front of your friends. This is the same boy who didn’t bother to acknowledge your existence even being under the same household. This is the same boy who rejected you coldly, leaving you crying under the hard rainstorm. How could you allow yourself to still have such lustful feelings towards him?
But for some reason, you didn’t care right now. He just looked so good. You wanted to lick up every inch of him. Maybe your period’s coming soon, and you’re just extremely horny right now. You placed your hands on his chest, feeling it up. What the hell are you doing?
Jungkook didn’t stop you, though. “What exactly are you doing?” he asked, amusedly. “You should probably put on a shirt.” you said softly, not leaving your eyes from his body, slowly feeling his wet and warm chest.
“Or else what?” he asked, his voice getting sultry and deeper. “Or else I’ll just keep going.” you said back, your voice getting seductive.
“We’re alone for the night too, aren’t we?” Jungkook reminded you, a dark playfulness tone was hinting in his voice. “I suppose.”
Jungkook took steps closer to you, closing the gap in between. He leans in, dangerously close against your ears, with his lips lightly touching the lobe. “Tell me what you want to do right now.” he demanded, whispering seductively.
It was the touch of his lips in your ears that sent you into overdrive. It was also what brought you back to reality. You knew Jungkook was teasing you. He was going to seduce you to desperately beg for him, boosting his ego, and then he’s going to drop the act and leave you alone, making you feel stupid. Not this time. You weren’t going to make him trick you. You weren’t going to let him win.
You turned your head towards where his lips were. “You wanna know what I want?” you asked, in an alluring tone. Jungkook stiffened up at the tone you switched into. He’s never seen this side of you. “Tell me.” he demanded.
You leaned against his ear lobe, rubbing your lips against it. You let yourself take whiff of his scent. His delicious and addictive scent. He smelled of teakwood and suds of soap.
“I want you to move.”
You pushed past him and entered the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. You immediately pressed your back against the door, finally allowing yourself to breathe and think normally. Your chest was heaving up and down, and your heart was racing uncontrollably. What the fuck just happened?
As soon as you left to enter the bathroom, Jungkook’s heart dropped, at the plot twist that had just occurred between the two of you. You tricked Jungkook into seducing you and you tricked Jungkook into believing that you wanted him. Sure, at first he was just teasing you like he normally did. He wanted to leave you looking stupid. But, something had shifted.
The tension was extremely arousing and Jungkook was addicted to it. He had never felt such tension between someone before. What you had done to him was unexpected. The most unexpected thing ever. He looked down at his crotch. He was ashamed and embarrassed to see that he was rock hard. Rock hard for you.
His eyes widened at the realization that he was aroused because of you. He realized that your unexpected words and actions had caused him to see you in a different way. His chest was beginning to heave upwards and downwards, and he was disturbed by all these emotions he was feeling right now. He was even more disturbed with the fact that...he didn’t want to stop?
Jungkook let out a breath that he didn’t realize he was holding in. I need to go to bed was all he could think of to say.
. . .
Taehyung arrived back at the apartment around 8 in the morning. It was a Monday, so you, him, and Jungkook had classes resuming this week. He was welcomed by the smell of bacon sizzling on the stove. He entered the kitchen and saw Jungkook cooking bacon and eggs on the stove.
“Oh, hyung. You’re back. How was your day away from me?” Jungkook smiled at him, exposing his bunny-like teeth. He seemed a lot better compared to his drunken state on Saturday. “It was a lot of fun. I had the worst hangover of my life when I woke up this morning.” Taehyung laughed. He basically drowned the hangover away just chugging down soup and taking two pills of Tylenol, with a long 5-hour nap back home for the cherry on top to cure the splitting headache away.
Taehyung met up with friends from high school as well, and they drank and ate the day away. It was a nice way to release the stress of being a regular young adult who had to pay bills/being a full-time college student on top that.
“Do you want me to make you an extra batch of bacon, Taehyungie?” Jungkook asked his older brother, making his heart swell by the cute nickname he gave him. He hadn’t called Taehyung “Taehyungie” in a long time. “Yeah, that’d be nice.”
Taehyung tossed his bag of clothing and other essentials he needed for his day off onto one of the reclining chairs in the living room. He looked around the kitchen for you. “Where’s ___?” He asked Jungkook. Jungkook stiffened up at the sound of your name. He hadn’t stopped thinking about last night.
“Don’t know. Probably still asleep.” he said simply, eyes glued to his grill of bacon cooking. “Did you ever apologize to her? About what you did?” Taehyung asked, with a concerned look all over his face.
“Yeah. I guess we’re fine now.” Jungkook answered. Taehyung grinned at him, beaming at Jungkook proudly. “That’s good. I’m proud of you, Kook. I’m gonna go ahead and rinse myself off in the shower.” Taehyung walked away from the kitchen and headed towards the bathroom. The door was locked.
“Give me a sec,” your voice rang out from the door. “Oh! Sorry, __! Take your time.” Taehyung shouted through the door. You perked up by the sound of the familiar voice of Taehyung. You finished applying your last swipe of lipstick onto your lips and immediately swung the door open. You were greeted to Taehyung’s face and pulled him into a hug.
“You’re home! How was the interview?” you smiled at him. Taehyung took a quick look at you. You were wearing a black and whirte skirt that was buttoned down, with a black long sleeved turtleneck top that was tucked into your skirt. You had on a pair of Doc Marten boots, with some see-through mesh black stockings underneath the skirt. Taehyung had his eyes glued onto your legs that were covered with the pantyhose.
“Tae?” you asked, trying to get his attention. He reverted his eyes back onto you. “The interview went great. They said my film was a strong candidate.” Taehyung smiled. You gasped and threw your arms around Taehyung’s neck. “Congrats, Taehyung! That’s such a big deal! You need to let me know if you receive any other news from the film people, in fact, I better be the first person you tell.” you playfully threatened, letting go of the hug but still keeping your arms around his neck. Taehyung nodded, giving you a sincere smile back. and staring into your eyes. “I will, I promise.”
You released yourself from his embrace and gave him one last smile before walking towards your room to organize your backpack together for class.
“You look good, by the way.” Taehyung complimented you, his expression softening. You looked down at your outfit and then back at him, blushing. “Why, thank you. I wanted to feel cute today.” you explained, tucking a piece of hair behind your ears. “You always look cute, ___.” Taehyung professed.
You were caught off guard by his words to you. “Thanks, Tae.” you scurried and went into your room before he saw you blush harder.
You and Jungkook were on your way to class, still keeping the usual distance between the two of you: Jungkook walking in front of you with his headphones on, and you behind him with your headphones on.
Jungkook couldn’t focus on his music while strolling his way to class. He kept thinking about your shift in personality last night. You were so in control, sultry, and it drove Jungkook crazy. You were supposed the same scared girl that was head over heels for him that he knew you to be. You were supposed to be one who was supposed to feel stupid after Jungkook would purposely lead you on. Not vice versa.
And it didn’t help him after he saw your outfit this morning while you were making your breakfast. He couldn’t stop looking at your legs under those stockings. Those goddamn stockings. His weakness. It was as if you were trying to mock him even more. He couldn’t stop the filthy thoughts running through his mind of him doing unpleasant things to you with those stockings on. It was pissing him off, and he wanted to go back to the way things were: back when he didn’t notice you.
I probably need to watch some porn and jack off or something tonight, so I can get rid of these frustrating thoughts. It’s been a while since I last did that. Jungkook thought to himself. He pinched the spot in between his eyebrows and shook his head, knowing that he was stressing himself out.
Eventually, the two of you had arrived on campus. Jungkook halted in his tracks to take one last look at you.
As if you could feel his stares burning right through you, you turned at the same time to look back at him. The two held eye-contact for a moment. You knew last night had caused a weird shift in your “relationship” with Jungkook. You didn’t know how this shift happened in the first place. It couldn’t have been because of last night. You already knew Jungkook wasn’t seriously going to let you continue to touch his body like that. He was just messing with you. Both of you knew this. So why are things starting to feel so weird right now?
You were the first to look away from Jungkook, not wanting to overthink about this.
