the apartment felt emptier than it should have. maybe it was the silence, thick and suffocating, or maybe it was the ghost of everything that had happened between you and taeyong that was lingering in the air.
once, this space had been warm. once, taeyong’s presence had been something you found comfort in, something that made the walls feel like more than just walls and more like home.
but love alone had never been enough to keep you from falling apart.
it had been beautiful in the beginning. taeyong had loved with his whole heart, with a quiet intensity that made you feel like you were the only person in the world. he wasn’t the kind of person who threw around words like forever, but when he looked at you, you had felt it. you had believed in it.
but love had its cracks, and taeyong had his walls.
he had always been scared of hurting you, scared of not being enough. no matter how many times you had assured him that love wasn’t about perfection, that it was about choosing each other despite the flaws, he never let himself truly believe it.
so he ran.
not all at once, not in the obvious way people do when they don’t want to stay. he ran in the slow, agonizing way of someone who loved you too much to leave cleanly but not enough to stay and fight for what you had.
there had been late nights spent waiting for him to come home, conversations cut short before they could reach the root of what was wrong. he had held you like you were everything to him, but then let you slip through his fingers as if he didn’t know how to keep you.
until, one day, he was just gone.
no explanation. no warning. just an empty space where he used to be.
and now, months later, he was standing in front of you like none of it had happened. like the distance he had created between you could be undone with a few words.
he looked different. tired. like regret had worn him down.
but you were tired too. tired of being the one who always had to pick up the pieces. the clock on the wall ticked away the seconds, each one stretching between you like an unspoken accusation. the apartment was dimly lit, the only source of warmth coming from the small lamp in the corner. it felt foreign now, stripped of the comfort and coziness it once held, its walls witnesses to the love that had crumbled between you and taeyong.
he stood across the room, hands clenched at his sides, his breathing uneven. he looked like he hadn’t slept in days—like regret had kept him awake just as much as it had kept you.
“i shouldn’t have come,” he murmured, but he didn’t move.
you let out a quiet, humorless laugh. “then why did you?”
he dragged a hand down his face, exhaling shakily. “because i thought—” he stopped, shaking his head. “i—i don’t know what i thought.”
you swallowed the lump rising in your throat. “you left, taeyong.” your voice was quieter than you wanted it to be, but there was no mistaking the hurt laced within it. “you didn’t call. you didn’t explain. you just disappeared.”
“i thought it was the right thing to do.”
you let out a bitter scoff. “for who?”
his silence spoke louder than any answer could.
you turned away, unable to look at him, afraid that if you did, all the anger you had built up would dissolve into something you weren’t ready to face.
“i wasn’t good for you,” he admitted. “i—” his voice cracked, and you hated that it still made your chest tighten. “i was scared.”
the confession made you freeze.
taeyong had always been guarded, always held his emotions close to his chest. but you had been the one person he let in until he closed even you, out.
“scared of what?” you asked, barely above a whisper.
he hesitated. “of hurting you.”
you turned back to him, and for the first time, he looked vulnerable—like he wasn’t just the one who had caused the pain, but the one who had felt it too.
“you did.” you said, voice sharp. “you thought that walking away without a word would be better than staying and figuring things out together?”
“i thought you deserved better.”
you inhaled sharply, shaking your head. “you’re not the one who gets to decide that for me.”
the weight of the conversation settled over both of you, suffocating, unbearable. you should have asked him to leave. you should have turned away and ended this before it could reopen wounds you had tried so hard to close. but instead, you asked the question you weren’t sure you wanted the answer to.
“so why are you here now?”
taeyong’s gaze softened, but there was something desperate in his eyes, something breaking beneath the surface. “because i was wrong.”
your heart clenched. it wasn’t fair. it wasn’t fair that he got to walk away and then show up, expecting his regret to be enough to fix what he broke.
tears burned behind your eyes, but you refused to let them fall. “that doesn’t change a single thing.”
“i know,” he whispered. “but i can’t keep pretending i’m okay without you.”
“thats not fair..” you shake your head, voice almost cracking.
you let out a shaky breath, fingers curling into fists at your sides. “you don’t get to do this, taeyong. you don’t get to come back and say these things like they mean anything now.”
he took a step closer. “they do mean something.”
“no.” your voice cracked. “not anymore.”
taeyong’s lips parted, like he wanted to argue, to tell you that it wasn’t too late. but you weren’t going to let him.
his hands trembled at his sides, his next words so quiet you almost didn’t hear them. “do you still love me?”
your stomach twisted. you should have lied. you should have said no, should have told him that you had moved on, that he was nothing but a memory now. but you couldn’t.
so instead, you gave him the only thing that would make him leave.
“just tell me you never loved me,” he whispered, his voice barely holding together, “and i’ll… i’ll walk away.”
the air felt too thick to breathe.
he was giving you the chance to end this. to free yourself from whatever this awful cycle was.
but why did it feel like lying to him would break you more than the truth ever could?
you held his gaze, forcing yourself to push down everything that ached inside you. “i never loved you.”
the moment the words left your lips, you felt them shatter something inside you.
taeyong’s breath hitched, his entire body tensing like he had been physically struck. he took a step back, nodding slowly as if he was convincing himself to believe you.
“okay,” he said hoarsely. his eyes glistened, but he didn’t cry. he just looked at you one last time, before turning toward the door.
he didn’t look back as he walked away.
and when the door clicked shut behind him, only then did you let yourself fall apart.
but even as the tears finally came, as sobs wracked through your body, you knew you had done the right thing.
loving him had never been the problem. it was the constant cycle. the leaving, the hurting, the breaking apart and trying to piece yourself back together just for him to come back and start the process all over again.
you were tired. tired of wondering when he would leave again, tired of never knowing where you stood with him, tired of waiting for love to stop feeling like something you had to pay for.
so you ended it the only way you knew how.
and not because you didn’t love him, but because you finally loved yourself enough to let him go.
— 🧸 Warning: mentions of death, blood, extreme gore, manipulation, toxic love, stalking, abduction, mental health, etc.
— 🧸 Summary: Lee Taeyong, A very well-known solo artist in his country has a dirty little secret. What was once a longing desire has now reached reality, It was the desire of Inflicting pain and torturing his fans to create all of his musical masterpiece, admiring the faint screams of his name coming from their mouths and enjoying the sheer pain they are suffering from in the hands of himself. Yet, he still had one desire to fulfill, the desire of having you all to himself.
A/N: The themes are altered to match the story. I apologize for the very very very very long wait, feel free to share your suggestions with me regarding about the fic! 'Lovesick' is also available on Wattpad! (wattpad: blackvortexwastaken)
CHAPTER 1: THE ORIGIN
The mysterious origins of the extraordinary luminary, Lee Taeyong, remain veiled in obscurity, as he has steadfastly chosen to withhold any details about his lineage or ancestral heritage, even when prompted by others.
Without a doubt, Taeyong's inclination to safeguard the privacy of his personal life is palpable. However, he does unveil a remarkable facet of his journey, disclosing that prior to embarking on his transformative path as a K-pop trainee, he honed his skills as a talented bartender, achieving mastery in the art of mixology.
After securing a position as a bartender, a newfound fervor surged within Taeyong, igniting an unwavering passion for the realm of idolhood. With relentless determination, he embarked on a quest for knowledge, fully immersing himself in the captivating world of K-pop idol shows. His sole objective was to absorb, analyze, and emulate the most accomplished soloists and adored group members. Diligently, he dissected their captivating presence, studiously examined their graceful movements, and scrutinized every aspect of their performances, leaving no characteristic of a transcendent superstar idol unexplored. Motivated by an indomitable desire to establish himself as an unrivaled idol capable of capturing the world's collective attention, Taeyong pursued his aspirations with unwavering dedication.
Taeyong's effortless triumph during the auditions effortlessly caught the attention of various companies, each fervently pursuing him. However, Taeyong, aware of the tempting offers from other entertainment entities, made a wise decision to join the prestigious SM Entertainment. This choice was influenced by SM Entertainment's esteemed reputation, not only in South Korea but also across the global K-pop landscape. Paired with his remarkable talents, cultivated through unwavering commitment, it was no surprise that his video showcasing his skills as a K-pop trainee rapidly spread, captivating the world's gaze.
Undeniably, Taeyong swiftly ascended to the status of SM Entertainment's favored artist, even prior to his official debut. His soaring popularity led to a plethora of privileges bestowed upon him, surpassing those granted to any other idol within the esteemed establishment at a similar stage of their career. Taeyong received an abundance of guaranteed projects, meticulously tailored to further enhance his renown. Moreover, he was offered the opportunity to debut as a member of SM Entertainment's new boy group, "NCT," obtaining the coveted roles of visual, main rapper, and main dancer. In addition, his journey encompassed a solo debut, amplifying his artistic prowess and individuality.
Upon making his debut as a member of NCT 127, the enigmatic and captivating idol, Lee Taeyong, swiftly became the center of attention. In an instant, his schedule grew exponentially busier, and his name began circulating across various social media platforms, articles, and throughout the vast landscape of the K-pop community. With his alluring beauty and irresistible charm, Taeyong became a prime target for modeling agencies, continuously receiving offers due to his undeniable appeal. Every camera lens and gaze seemed to be fixated upon this exceptional idol, as if the world momentarily paused to revel in his presence. It was indisputable that he held an unparalleled sway over the collective consciousness at that particular moment. Unquestionably, Taeyong reveled in the adoration and eagerly sought every ounce of attention that came his way as time progressed. It became increasingly apparent that he was destined for the stage, a natural-born superstar who is destined to be under the spotlight.
However, akin to many other idols in the expansive world of K-pop, the initial euphoria surrounding Taeyong's debut eventually subsided, leaving behind a sense of disenchantment. It appeared as though his grand entrance had not yielded the remarkable impact that was anticipated. Consequently, the prospect of Taeyong debuting as a soloist, along with his other promotional projects, was regrettably withdrawn by the company, citing a perceived decline in public interest.
Naturally, Taeyong found himself dissatisfied with this turn of events. He steadfastly refused to settle for anything less than what he believed he deserved. While there were still loyal fans who wholeheartedly supported him, he is yearning for greater fame and attention surpassed the fame he had attained during his debut. He craved more, an insatiable desire that led him to contemplate drastic measures, even if it meant sabotaging his fellow group members, all in pursuit of securing the coveted spotlight he so fervently desired.
Despite Taeyong's downfall, he maintained an outward facade, emulating a charm that had long been overshadowed by resentment. He diligently worked with his bandmates, flawlessly recording their latest album, "2 BADDIES," never missing a beat. Following a lengthy lunch break, he returned to the studio only to be met with the gift of fate. The pungent smell of burning wires filled the air, setting off alarm bells in his mind. Hastily, he made his way to the control room, only to find the doorway blocked by the recording equipment. On the other side, his bandmates pounded on the door, their desperate cries mingling with the crackling of flames.
Taeyong called out to them, rushing towards the fallen equipment, instinctively reaching out to save his fellow members, only to abruptly freeze. In that moment, he found himself transfixed. Each breath became a conscious, deliberate act, demanding his full attention, while the distant cries grew faint until they were scarcely audible. Slowly, he stepped back, his realization dawning upon him. They were screaming his name as the flames consumed them. Their desperate pleas echoed in his ears, "Taeyong!" "Lee Taeyong!" "Taeyong!" It was a hauntingly beautiful sound, etching itself into his soul. When the fire fighters finally arrived, his tears flowed freely.
His tears continued to flow unabated, but alongside the sorrow, an unsettling sense of satisfaction began to seep into Taeyong's being. The haunting cries that reverberated with his name brought an unexpected thrill, sending shivers down his spine. Each agonized scream became a twisted symphony in his mind, a perverse melody that he savored with perverse delight. As the echoes of their screams repeated in his thoughts, a morbid idea took hold of him. The notion that he had successfully orchestrated the downfall of his bandmates to create a gaping void for his own fame not only intoxicated him but also sparked a disturbing inspiration within him. It ignited a desire to infuse his music with elements of violence and darkness
CHAPTER 2: TRAGIC TURN OF EVENTS
The tragic news of the untimely demise of nine members from the beloved boy band group NCT 127 reverberated with an unprecedented swiftness. The devastating information spread across the vast expanse of the internet, permeating news outlets and inundating various social media platforms. The collective mourning and outpouring of heartfelt condolences enveloped the entire community, extending solace to the grieving family members and loved ones of the victims. Among the somber aftermath, one member stood as the lone survivor, bearing the weight of unimaginable loss.
As a relatively new fan of NCT, the impact of this harrowing news weighed heavily upon you. Despite just your recent liking of the group, the magnitude of the tragedy stirred within you a profound sense of sadness. Compelled to express your emotions, you sought solace in online forums, joining others in grieving and sharing your condolences during this somber period.
Amidst the overwhelming sorrow, a deep concern for the sole surviving member of the group, Lee Taeyong, gripped your thoughts. You contemplated the immense burden he must be shouldering in the wake of such a tragic event. Driven by a genuine empathy, you tirelessly sought ways to reach out to him online, yearning to offer solace and comfort during this trying time. Utilizing the Bubble app, to which you subscribed, you composed a heartfelt message for Taeyong, hoping to provide a source of support and understanding amid the aftermath of these unfathomable events.
“Taeyong, I am sending my deepest condolences towards you and those who were also affected by this horrid news. I hope you are holding up well and eating a lot, please still take care of yourself and I want to let you know that we are all supporting you and whatever it is that you decide on doing now, we will wholeheartedly support you no matter what. <3”
Sent, 14:34
As the memories of that tragic event resurfaced, it felt as though time had both stood still and raced forward, for it had already been three years since the devastating incident unfolded. The nightmare that had gripped the K-pop community during that period continued to cast its shadow even to this day, a somber reminder of the fragility of life. How you wished it were all a dream, a cruel illusion that could be banished with a simple awakening.
Sighing, you pushed these heavy thoughts aside, diverting your attention to your present reality. You focused on your full-time job as a waitress at a local café, located in close proximity to your residence. As the closing hours approached, you bid farewell to the last customers of the day, offering them warm smiles and well wishes as they departed from Vortex Café. Taking a deep breath, you swiftly embarked on the task of tidying and cleaning the café, eager to complete your responsibilities for the evening.
On your way home, you eagerly reached for your phone in your bag, looking to find any updates regarding Taeyong. Following the tragic event, he had taken a hiatus from the spotlight during those past three years. However, the recent announcement by SM Entertainment declaring Lee Taeyong's official debut as a soloist sent shockwaves of excitement through the internet. The anticipation among fans was palpable, as they rejoiced at the prospect of Taeyong returning to what he was destined to do.
This news brought a sense of joy and relief to you, as you had been diligently saving up to meet him. Being a relatively new fan who joined the fandom shortly after the tragic accident, you had not yet had the opportunity to see the renowned Lee Taeyong in person. The prospect of finally witnessing his presence and experiencing his artistry firsthand filled you with anticipation. Taeyong had become an influential figure in your eyes, and your love for his work was unwavering
CHAPTER 3: MUSICAL MASTERPIECE
A year into his hiatus, Taeyong immersed himself in solitude, utilizing the time to introspect and meticulously plan his upcoming musical endeavors. As he delved into the depths of his creative mind, haunting echoes of the horrified screams from his band members during the fire accident resurfaced with unsettling clarity. The memories lingered, evoking a sinister desire within him. He craved more of those desperate cries, yearning to hear his name chanted in fear once again. The twisted obsession grew, driving him to plot his next move and identify a potential victim to serve as a vessel for his violent ideas. His newfound fixation centered around incorporating these horrified screams into his music, creating an amalgamation of darkness and artistry that blurred the boundaries of conventional expression.
As Taeyong sought solace in his artistic endeavors, he sought refuge in a remote and abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of the city. Its desolation ensured that his forthcoming musical masterpiece, with its unsettling undertones, would remain concealed from prying ears. With meticulous preparation completed, the time had finally arrived for Taeyong to embark on his daring experiment: the fusion of violence and music.
His first target was a persistent sasaeng fan, an individual who had relentlessly pursued him during his hiatus. Acutely aware of this unwelcome presence, Taeyong bided his time, waiting for the opportune moment to take action. Positioned on a bench in a park near his residence, he remained vigilant, keenly observing the sasaeng fan stationed just outside the park, near a bustling bus stop. Clutching a camera adorned with a shoulder strap, the fan deliberately angled it towards Taeyong, capturing his every move. The clarity of her intent was unmistakable, as she persisted despite the passage of numerous buses.
Taeyong stifled a quiet chuckle as he moved leisurely towards his unsuspecting target. "How long are you willing to stay here?" Taeyong's hushed words brushed against her ear. Startled by his sudden presence, the sasaeng leaped in surprise. She gazed intently at the idol before her, struggling to collect herself after the unexpected encounter. "Um... You..." The sasaeng stammered, still shaken by his abrupt approach. "What's the matter? Why are you so taken aback? Did you really believe I wouldn't notice you from a distance?" Taeyong's smile widened as he gradually closed the gap between them. "Would you prefer a change of location? You must be pretty hungry for staying there for too long.” Taeyong continued.
The sasaeng stood motionless in her position, her mind racing with the countless advantages she could reap from this very encounter. If the conversation went smoothly, she might find herself alone with the idol, a cherished fantasy she had nurtured for an extensive duration after years of relentless following.
It was almost as if Taeyong possessed an enchanting aura that bewitched anyone fortunate enough to cross his path. The prospect of accumulating wealth through obtaining his personal information and, perhaps, even acquiring one of his personal possessions tantalized her thoughts. Moreover, an even more gratifying outcome came to her thought, as it could potentially pave the way for further interactions on various occasions with the idol.
As her reverie abruptly dissolved, she found herself transfixed on Taeyong, who had already closed the distance and now stood mere inches away from her presence. Her heart pounded fervently within her chest, its rhythm resounding in her ears, as the sight of the idol before her intensified her emotions. With trepidation, yet undeniable eagerness, she mustered the words, "I would be thrilled to accompany you." A smirk played upon Taeyong's lips, hinting at the burgeoning desires that simmered within him, growing steadily stronger.
Taeyong graciously escorted the sasaeng to his vehicle, courteously opening the passenger-side door for her before proceeding to settle himself in the driver's seat. However, as the car journey commenced, an unsettling turn of events unfolded. Taeyong surreptitiously secured the doors, evoking a sense of entrapment. Suddenly, he swiftly covered the sasaeng's mouth with a handkerchief that had been tampered with a mysterious substance, inducing a gradual descent into unconsciousness.
As her vision dimmed and the world faded into obscurity, the sasaeng valiantly struggled to remove the cloth, her diminishing willpower waning. A haunting image imprinted upon her consciousness: Taeyong's unsettlingly luminous smile, hinting at enigmatic intentions.
Gradually, the sasaeng's consciousness returned, and a surge of anxiety coursed through her as her eyes flinched open, met with a dazzling array of bright lighting equipment aimed directly in her direction. As her awareness fully rekindled, she cautiously surveyed her surroundings, discovering herself ensconced amidst an array of recording equipment. To her dismay, she realized her limbs were securely bound to the chair she occupied, prompting a sense of urgency to escape her precarious predicament.
Just as she mustered the courage to make a frenzied attempt at freedom, her gaze caught sight of Taeyong's silhouette gracefully emerging from a distant hallway. Time seemed to momentarily halt as her gaze fixated on his approach, harboring uncertainty about his intentions and the imminent encounter that awaited her
CHAPTER 4: PLEASED TO MEET YOU
A smile adorned your face as you observed Taeyong's captivating presence on your phone screen. He just released his first music video after 3 years. His charm radiated brightly, surpassing any previous glow, even through the digital realm. However, you couldn't help but notice the stark contrast in his musical style and vibe compared to his time as a member of NCT 127. The current manifestation exuded a darker, more edgy aura.
As the melodic strains resonated, a peculiar addition caught your attention—a backdrop of distant screams harmonizing with the song. Surprisingly, rather than disturbing the experience, these eerie echoes blended seamlessly, enhancing the authenticity of the artistic vision. In fact, you found yourself personally drawn to Taeyong's newfound musical direction, appreciating the boldness and allure it exuded. Thus, you took a moment to express your approval by leaving a like under the video, acknowledging the captivating journey he had embarked upon.
And just as with many other K-pop idols, Taeyong embarked on tours, captivating fans both near and far with his awe-inspiring performances. His popularity soared to new heights after the release of his first full solo album, propelling him to become the center of widespread attention and admiration once more.
After hustling in you full-time job as a waitress, you secured a coveted VIP meet-up reservation with Taeyong following the announcement of his world tour. Being among the first to secure a spot was a stroke of luck, as the demand was immense, evident from the fact that all available slots were swiftly sold out. Taeyong's impact on the world had undeniably reached staggering proportions during this time.
Now, in the present moment, you find yourself in a taxi en route to the restaurant. However, a tide of uncertainty washes over you, causing a flicker of doubt to emerge. Despite your physical preparedness, a sense of apprehension clouds your mind. Taeyong's overwhelming success, remarkable handsomeness, and unparalleled talent have left you feeling somewhat intimidated. The prospect of meeting him suddenly renders you shy and hesitant to attend.
"Ma'am, we have arrived at your destination," the cab driver announces, interrupting your thoughts. Snapping back to reality, you express your gratitude with a soft smile directed at the driver, promptly offering a tip before stepping out of the vehicle.
Tentatively, you made your way into the restaurant, your lingering shyness still present from your contemplations. As you entered, a poised waitress gracefully approached you, her steps purposeful and her presence welcoming.
“Good afternoon, madam. Are you reserving a table?" inquired the waitress, her professional demeanor graced by a warm smile. "Ah, no, I'm here for a VIP meet-up with Taeyong," you replied, reciprocating her smile. Sensing the purpose of your visit, she requested your name, opening a journal awaiting your response. "Y/F/N," you promptly provided. The waitress scanned the pages, seeking your name among the entries. "Ah, Ms. Y/L/N! Welcome to the Vortex Lounge. Please follow me," she cordially invited, guiding you towards the VIP room.
As the waitress led the way, your mind couldn't help but wander, pondering the choice of a restaurant for this meet-and-greet event with Taeyong. Unlike other idols who typically only have a brief encounter with fans, this setting felt more akin to a romantic rendezvous than a traditional idol-to-fan gathering. The notion of a private date with the esteemed Lee Taeyong briefly flattered your imagination, although you remained acutely aware of its unlikelihood. Snapping out of your delusions, you refocused as the waitress halted in front of the VIP room.
"Enjoy your stay. Please refer to the order button on the table if you require anything," the waitress informed you, graciously opening the door. Expressing your gratitude, you bid your farewell to the waitress and stepped into the room, sensing the door gently closing behind you.
An inaudible gasp escaped your lips as your gaze fell upon the solitary figure of Taeyong seated at the table, his eyes fixed upon you as though he had eagerly awaited your arrival for an eternity.
Taeyong gracefully rose from his seat, extending a kind gesture as he pulled out a chair for you. "Please, have a seat," he invited, his smile exuding warmth and hospitality. Grateful for his courtesy, you settled into the chair, feeling a mixture of disbelief and elation as Taeyong resumed his place across from you. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Y/L/N. My name is Lee Taeyong," he introduced himself, his words laced with sincerity.
The reality of Taeyong's presence before you, no longer confined to a phone screen, seemed almost surreal. His physical allure surpassed even your wildest expectations, leaving you awestruck and feeling as if you were living a dream come true. It was as though your eyes were playing tricks on you, unable to fully grasp the extraordinary moment unfolding.
"Likewise, my name is Y/N," you managed to utter, your flustered state growing more apparent with each passing second. Taeyong responded with a gentle smile, attempting to alleviate your nervousness. "Please don't be anxious. I'm just like any other person, really," he reassured you, his politeness shining through. "Feel free to order anything you desire; it's my treat," he graciously continued.
The extraordinary level of fan service offered by Taeyong made you wonder if all the VIP holders were being treated to the same extent. This elevated experience surpassed all expectations, and you couldn't help but feel immensely fortunate to be among the privileged few granted such a remarkable opportunity.
You carefully perused the menu, deliberating over your choice. "A Carbonara will do," you finally decided, sharing your selection with Taeyong. His smile grew wider as he promptly pressed the button to place your order. Soon after, a waiter entered the VIP room to take Taeyong's order, greeting you both with a warm smile. "What can I get you today?" the waiter inquired. Taeyong responded graciously, "Just one serving of Carbonara for this beautiful woman, please." The waiter jotted down Taeyong's order before expressing their intention to bring it promptly. With the waiter's exit, Taeyong's gaze fixated on you once again.
Taeyong's compliment had left you completely flustered; his description of you as beautiful caught you off guard, rendering you momentarily speechless. Frozen in place, you struggled to find an appropriate response, your cheeks tinted with a deep blush. Sensing your flustered state, Taeyong chuckled softly, his amusement evident. Seeking to redirect the conversation and regain your composure, you changed the topic.
"Taeyong... We greatly appreciate your unwavering dedication, particularly in light of the challenges you've faced, including the accident. How are you holding up?" you inquired, earnestly seeking his perspective. Taeyong's expression softened as he responded, weaving a fabricated tale of personal struggle and trauma stemming from the incident. He wiped away his tears, emphasizing the profound impact of his bandmates' tragic passing and how it had left him grappling with profound emotional scars. In reality, he was deceiving you, his mind replaying the haunting screams of his bandmates as they met their agonizing fate.
Filled with remorse for broaching such a sensitive topic, you sincerely apologized to Taeyong, expressing your concern in a gentle tone. The weight of your words weighed heavily on your conscience, and in an effort to alleviate some of the discomfort, you swiftly reached into your bag, retrieving a handcrafted gift. With a warm smile, you extended it towards him, presenting a meticulously made jar adorned with an array of motivational letters nestled within.
"I hope this gift brings you solace during challenging times. Please accept it as a token of my support," you offered, your smile conveying genuine care and empathy. Taeyong's countenance softened further as he reciprocated your gesture, accepting the gift graciously.
In that moment, Taeyong found you endearing. Though your question had touched upon personal territory, he didn't mind sharing his feelings with you. Moreover, he couldn't help but notice the beauty of your voice, envisioning the possibility of incorporating your screams into his musical compositions. Little did you know, Taeyong had already marked you as his next prey, his twisted mind reveling in the prospect of capturing your terror.
TO BE CONTINUED…
A/N: I apologize for stopping early. I just wanted to see if anyone was still going to read ‘Lovesick’ after I halted the release for 2 years TT feel free to make suggestions for the fic <3
"You know what to do when someone is mean to you, right?" Taeyong knelt down to match Ari's height and cupped her face. The little girl nodded with the big round eyes that she inherited from her father.
"If you miss us too much, you can ask your teacher to make a call, hmm?" He pressed his lips against her forehead, fixing her tiny pigtails.
He was dressed in a plain white shirt and denim jeans, purposely to match his daughter's uniform as he hung a glittery dora the explorer backpack with a map keychain plushie, which was obviously too small to fit him.
The other tiny toddlers weren't much different either; nearly all of them were clutching at their parents, some of them were already weeping, and a few courageous babies were too giddy to make new friends. It was the first day of playschool.
"Taeyong, she's going to be late on her first day!" For the seventh time in about two minutes, you reminded him.
"Where is Mama's Hug, Ari?" As your daughter ran into your arms, you clapped for her.
"Say bye Dadda!" To get her to wave at Taeyong, you took her hand in yours. He would never let her go if it were up to him.
"Bye baby!" He was on the verge of crying as he got up from his knees, he kissed her head again.
Ari took little steps as you handed her the tiny bag, in a matter of seconds she was off and racing happily in the direction of her school. You watched her with a smile of pride, unlike Taeyong.
He had tears in his eyes, as though it was his first day. His nose and ears were visibly red.
You put your arm around his shoulder, "She's going to be okay."
Taeyong's eyes were still glued to the small human he had helped create, "How is she so grown up already?" he asked with a puff of voice.
"She's just three." You muttered. "She'll return in about two hours, too."
"Someday she's going to graduate from high school." He kept talking. "What if she is too stressed?" He gave your face an anxious glance.
"That's not how it goes, baby." You reassured.
"I remember when the doctors gave her to me like it was yesterday." He wiped his tears away with the sleeve of his shirt.
"Oh no, it looks like I have two babies to take care of!" He responded with a bashful smile after you gushed and pinched his flushed face.
Taeyong loved his daughter too much.
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Get to know the infamous Lee brother's through the publics eye and then through their own perspective.
Lee Jeno: Warnings and Signs
The second youngest among all the Lee brother's who were all infamous for being heartbreakers, cold and ruthless.
Taeyong the oldest left the school with everyone's heart in his hands but no one could keep his and Jeno seemed to be the perfect replica of his eldest brother. The only question you bothered asking was- would you be the one to keep his heart?
Words: 529
Lee Taeyong: Ignoring Him
Looking at what your younger sibling went through with Lee Jeno you started reminiscing of your times with Lee Taeyong. His personality was true to his favourite flower- he was a beautiful soul with thorns.
Words: 898
Lee Mark: I'll wait for you to like me
He was cold and not approachable. He was the mysterious and quieter one among all his brothers and that made him all the more desirable. He turned a blind eye to everyone yet, he saw you. You were his forbidden fruit, his brothers ex. But all he could do was fall for you as your heart grew more and more cautious of anyone with the last name Lee.
Words: 1.6k
Lee Ten: Desperate Much?
Ten was a heartbreaker too but not for the reasons his family was popularly known for. It was because someone already had his heart.
You had his heart even before he was recognised as one of the Lee Brother's.
Words: 2k
Lee Donghyuck: At War or in Love?
He was well known and popular, he got along with everyone and always believed himself to be the type of people that loved freely. So why was it so difficult this time?
Words: 2.5k
Series Finale
They were just a bunch of boys who grew up together through tough circumstances. They were just people. They were just people with a special bond. They were family.
description. I liked Lee Taeyong. A lot. And with every book I gave him, whatever purposes, I hid a love letter in between its pages. After all this time, I still wonder if Taeyong has yet to read even one of them.
Tsundoku— buying books and not reading them; letting books pile up unread on shelves, floors, or nightstands.
genre. fluff, angst, love letters!au, friends to lovers!au, one-sided love! au, bartender!taeyong, university student!reader
word count. 12.4k~
warnings. none!
a/n. was randomly scrolling through printerest when i found this word and suddenly this idea popped up in my headd. i had to change the meaning of the word so tha itll fit the story line better but the overall meaning is the same sooo. anyways that’s all i got for you now please enjoyy!
Books. An interest both Taeyong and I shared since college. Though our interest laid in the same object, our uses for it were far from the same. For me, it’s for reading. Like how it should be used, its main purpose. Like any other bookworm, constantly having my head shoved in romance or fantasy novels. Taeyong on the other hand, he... he uses it as decoration. Something that to him, should be kept on shelves, unread for display purposes.
I got to find out quite quickly that it was a habit for him to collect books that had nice spines just so he could place them on his shelves. I’ve been to his home once. One entire wall was just shelves filled with books. It was aesthetically pleasing indeed, but it disappointed me that he didn’t even bother to read a single one. So we made an agreement that I’d read his books. If he were to buy a new one, he’d let me read it first before tucking it away to never be pulled out again. I guess that’s why my friendship with him worked so well.
Taeyong decided to work as a bartender after college while I, went to pursue my studies with university. Should say that I regretted that on-impulse decision of mine nowadays.
It’s Friday. I just got out of university, at one in the morning. What an ungodly hour, considering that my classes started at nine this morning. I agreed to meet Taeyong at his bar. Luckily for me, the distance between school and the bar wasn’t far. Taeyong took me as a factor into consideration while trying out jobs around the school’s area, just so he’d get to meet me more often. That, was one of the million reasons why I fell for him.
I dragged my feet across the side walk, the screeching of my boots scraping against the rough surface. As much as I tried to hold up my posture during my long trip there (it felt like I’ve been walking forever when really, it has only been ten minutes), my back slowly slouched with each step till I was fully slouching. The extremely poor and back paining kind. Can’t blame me. University is mentally draining, but physically as well, having to walk to different classes constantly that’s being situated on opposite ends of the facility. It’s a workout.
I looked up to take a breather, seeing the glowing sign above the bar. I gazed down, to the glass windows, noticing how there was a lot of people in there. Well, it’s a Friday night afterall. I placed my free hand onto the door’s handle, pushing it open and entering.
Classical music played in the background. People’s murmurs could be heard as they had their own conversations. The place was dimly lit with an orange hue; a calming atmosphere. I went right up to the bar, getting on an empty cushioned stool and adjusting my butt onto it. I looked around the area. Taeyong wasn’t to be seen. I only assumed that he was making drinks.
I took out my book from my tote bag, flipping to the page where I folded it’s edge to continue where I left off. I was already two third done with it. And I was determined to finish it by Monday just so that I could get a new book to read.
My head was faced down, eyes scanning each sentence as I blocked out the entire world, putting myself in my own little bubble as I imagined myself in the story’s plot, too immersed to give a single care for my surroundings.
Suddenly, a hand appeared beside me, tapping its knuckles against the wood to get my attention. I lifted my eyes up, seeing Taeyong standing in front of me. White button up shirt, three buttons unhooked, revealing the slightest bit of his collarbones in a way to tease you and having the urge to see them fully. Black dress pants with a belt that cinched on his waist, framing his lower body beautifully.
“Literally called you from two steps away and you didn’t hear any of it.” Taeyong leaned against the counter, elbows supporting him as his face got close to mine. “I was busy.” I said, lifting up my book slightly. “You done with that? I need to put a new book on the shelve soon. It bugs me that there’s an empty spot.” Taeyong shivered as he mentioned that, making me chuckle softly.
“By Monday, I promise.”
“Need anything to drink? You look worn out.” Taeyong eyed me up and down. I probably looked terrible since Taeyong scrunched up his nose and shook his head. “You know I don’t drink. I mean I can, but it’s still the school term. I can’t afford getting off track by anything.”
Taeyong breathed a short laugh in response. “Ah of course. Didn’t you say you wanted to dropout just yesterday?” Taeyong looked up for a moment before bringing his eyes back down on me with a teasing gaze. My mind went back to yesterday when I texted Taeyong a long ranting paragraph about how stressed I was this week. I frowned. “Should I?”
Taeyong bobbed his shoulder. “It’s up to you. But I sincerely think you should. I mean look at you.” He added a light scoff at the end, his hand going up and down in front of me. “I’m just worried.” He proceeded to shift his weight form one leg to the other, sliding his fingers into the pocket of his pants. I felt his sense of sincerity, invariably imbued. Another reason why I fell for him. He’s always caring, too caring for his own good, especially towards me.
“Will think about it.” I mumbled, taking note of my book’s page number since I was too lazy to fold it before closing and shoving it back into my tote bag. “Anyways, when are you getting off work?”
Taeyong turned around to grab something. I realised it was his wallet and phone as he shoved the wallet into his back pocket and kept his phone in his hand. “Right now.” He flashed his smile. The signature smile. One he has on ninety percent of the time, at least around me. It was unique. A smile that only suited him and not anyone else. He owned it . Like he should. Yet another reason why I fell for him.
I got off the stool as he went around the counter that had the space in between for staffs to pass through. “Want me to drive?” He asked as we made our way to the door. I shook my head. “You had a long day. Just go home.” I kindly rejected. I bowed my head as he opened the door for me. A gentleman; adding onto the long list.
“You had an even longer one. I don’t care. It’s late too. I can’t let you walk home alone.” I laughed weakly, waiting for him outside as he closed the door. As we make our way to Taeyong’s car, he whispered, “Sleep straight when you get home, okay?” He opened the car door for me. I nodded, “Yes father.” I dragged on.
The car ride home was silent. Completely silent. There wasn’t even music playing in the background. I had my eyes fixed on the view out of the window, too scared to look at Taeyong as I can’t bare to look at him long enough before I melt on sight.
My apartment came to view after the many trees and street lights we drove past. The car pulled to a halt and I turned to Taeyong, who was suddenly up close to me, one hand looming over my chest as he reached for the seatbelt. I possibly stopped breathing. His eyes looked into mine, expressionless. I couldn’t even blink I was that shocked. “Sorry. I thought you were sleeping.”
Taeyong pulled back to his seat. I exhaled sharply. I looked to the seatbelt. He didn’t unbuckle it. I huffed quietly and did it myself, sliding my tote bag onto my shoulder. “Remember. Sleep right away.” He advised a second time as I make my way out of the car, slamming the car door shut.
Before I turned around, he rolled down the window, leaning forward slightly. “And my book!” He shouted. I placed two fingers up my head and pointed it back at it as a way to say, “Yes sir.” Before swirling around and walking away, his car’s engine starting up and driving away. The noise was quick to get muffled and go away as he drove further out of the neighborhood.
The hours of studying I had to do at home went by quick. Before I even knew it, I didn’t sleep that night at all. Unfortunately, I didn’t listen to Taeyong. I had assignments to complete by Monday for God’s sake. I’ve come to terms with the fact that the number of times I’ve pulled all-nighters are now inhumane.
I checked the time on my clock. 5:05AM. I sighed, looking across my study table that’s pilled with worksheets and my opened laptop. I nodded my head as I made the mental decision of finally cleaning up as I rechecked to see if I’ve left any work undone before beginning to stack the papers and shoving them into my tote bag. The only thing left on the table was a stack of decorative papers, with beautiful outlines of red roses around the edges.
I slid one paper off the stack, placing it in front of me. I grabbed a random pen from my organiser, clicking it as I swirled it around, trying to figure out what to write.
Hey taeyong. This is my 127th love letter, confession letter, whatever you would call it. I’m not sure if you’ve read any of them. My last note was in ‘It Ends with Us’. I find that you aren’t giving any reaction or anything. I know you don’t read the books but do you even bother flipping through its pages for the letter to fall out? I’m still hoping you’d at least open this one. Please. I’ve been waiting for ages. For you. I like you, Lee Taeyong, for the 127th time.
I placed my pen back to where it belonged before holding the note in my hand, lifting it up to my face. I bit my bottom lip before opening my book, randomly opening a page and placing the note in, making sure it’s secured before putting that into my tote bag as well. Too lazy to even get into my bed, I fell asleep uncomfortably at the table.
It was now Sunday. I almost forgot the fact that I’m meeting Taeyong today to pass him the book, which to be honest, I didn’t finish. The book was boring. It was like those books that you force yourself through so you wouldn’t feel the regret of buying it. Though I used Taeyong’s money, I still felt bad for leaving it unread. I wasn’t like Taeyong at least.
While thumbing through my closet to find something to wear after showering, my eyes stopped at the sweater that Taeyong borrowed me not too long ago because I was dumb enough to meet him at two in the morning without a jacket. I was frozen stiff due to the cold.
Absentmindedly, I took it off its hanger and brought it close to my chest, dipping my head down as I deeply inhaled, Taeyong’s scent was still on there. I put it on and continued getting ready.
Just when I was done placing my valuables in my sling bag, the doorbell rang. Thinking it was the mailman, I rushed to the door with immense speed. I opened the door forcefully. But instead of the mailman, I was met with Taeyong standing in front of me. We locked eyes for a split second, which made my heart leap. I then eyed him up and down. He was wearing his usual all black outfit. Shirt, jeans, and boots. I liked how the plain and simple outfit was able to cup his body well, accentuate all his body features. It always made me swoon for him.
“What are you doing here?” I noticed how Taeyong kept eyeing his sweater that’s on me despite his attempts at trying to remain eye contact with me. “I thought of just letting you give me the book now and spend the day here. Can I?” No wonder he wore a regular outfit.
“So I dressed up for nothing?” I feigned my exasperation, folding my arms as I cocked an eyebrow, huffing ever so softly. Taeyong followed my poster one on one. “And wearing my sweater is called dressing up? How lovely.” It was now his turn to fire back, which made me frown. “Whatever.” I gave in, turning around to head back to my room.
I heard the door closing as Taeyong’s footsteps were quick to follow closely behind, maybe due to the large steps he took with his long legs. As I entered my room, Taeyong lets out a hum of satisfaction. “Your shelve’s looking good. More full than last time.” He complimented. I took a seat at the study table as he made his way to seat at the edge of my bed. “Mhm.” I softly answered.
With the remembrance of what he came here for, I grabbed my tote bag and fished out for the book. I then toss it onto the bed beside Taeyong, not speaking a word as I jerked my head to it. “Thanks. You read fast.” Taeyong held the book in his hand. Open it, open it. Oh God why can’t he just find the damn note I placed there?
“No I don’t. It’s just that the book was extremely boring for my liking.” I stated, matter-of-factly. Taeyong examined the book, quickly turning it over to read the synopsis. “Ew.” He mumbled.
“It was only good at first. The ending sucked.” I added on to my complains. “By the way...” Taeyong trailed on. I wonder what he wanted to ask. Was it something about the book? About the notes?
“I’ve been thinking I should read one of the books.” I folded my arms with arrogance, slouching into the chair as I tilted my head, the side of my lip lifted up slightly. “So after more than four years I was able to reel you in to read your first book?” I questioned, sounding smug.
Taeyong let out an annoyed ‘tsk’. “I find ‘If I never met you’ interesting, okay? Let me be.” Taeyong pouted and folded his arms, turning his head away from my direction. I stood up, walking to the bed and plopping myself down which made the two of us bounce up and down of a moment. “It’s cute how you’re a newbie to reading.” I made up an excuse when really what I found cute was how Taeyong acted. It made me blush a bright pink. It was probably extremely noticeable when Taeyong suddenly mentioned, “Did I make you so proud that you’re now blushing?” Taeyong teased, a giggle following after.
“Oh shut up.”
Lee Taeyong. This is the 128th letter. I still remember the first one I wrote. Feeling so hopeful and acting like a little girl that’s too shy to confess up front. I’m still like that. Yet to physically hint at you about my feelings. I can only express them like this, through notes that could all end up being meaningless if you’ve never looked at them. I’ll come by your house today. I’ll probably slide it in between books instead of pages. I long for your love, the kind that’s much more than that of a friend. I’ve been holding on for so long. Perhaps too long. But it’s okay, you’re Lee Taeyong. I won’t let the feelings I’ve bottled up for years go to waste. I’ll do something... soon. Yes, soon.
Later that day, I made my way to Taeyong’s house. I asked him to stay at home so that I could surprise him by coming over. But the reaction that I expected from him was way too predictable.
“You could’ve just told me to pick you up!” Taeyong whined. There he goes again being way too caring. Stop it. It’s hurting me.
“It’s not that troubling to travel, Yong. Calm the heck down! It’s really nothing.” I shouted back, reassurance being imbued into each word. He made way for me to enter. And as I did, I walked slowly, long strides to the living room where the large bookshelf was placed. The one that covered the entire wall. Well, almost, since he made space for the television. Other than that, it was just books surrounding it.
“Wait.” I turned around sharply. I realised that my sudden action made Taeyong stop in his tracks instantly. But he was close to me. Way too close for my own good. We stayed there for a moment, exchanging blank stares while I took the time to remember this moment; my heart stopping, his tall figure looming over me, his eyes looking into mine as if he’s trapping me in his gaze. Moments like these happen often. And I’d often take the time to remember them, shoving them into a mental folder called ‘Head over heels for TY’.
“Sit down. I’ll... get the cheesecake.” Taeyong was the first to back out, taking a step away from me and chuckling awkwardly. He quickly turned away after avoiding my eyes and rubbing the back of his neck. He looked nervous. But why? If I have seen it correctly, it looked like his cheeks were ever so slightly red as well. What even...
I shook my head vigorously, throwing those thoughts out of my mind. I sat down on the brown leather couch, leaning back and allowing my body to sink into it. Somehow, the thoughts crept back in. I thought about how what I observed just now could not have been real. It’s Lee Taeyong. Hundreds of girls are always hitting on him at the bar during his shift. He might even be seeing someone. Wait why am I even saying that to myself? I’d end up feeling jealous with no real reason. Great, you’re a dumb one indeed.
I felt Taeyong’s weight beside me. I looked up from the table, realising now that I was in a trance of my own thoughts, and to the cheesecake that he placed down. He leaned forward to cut a slice, placing it on a small plate as he placed the fork down beside it and handed it to me. “Here. Bought it especially for your brain recovery, and cravings. You’re period came, right?”
My eyes widened. My brows furrowed and got closer to each other as I backed my head away in surprise. “How’d you even know?” I asked shockingly. Taeyong lets out a chuckle, bringing his plate up and taking a bite. “I know you long enough to know that your period’s consistent and is usual around this time. But I was just taking my chances. I know you’d still eat the cheesecake either way.” Taeyong flashed a cheeky smile.
I knew he was extremely considerate towards me. He’d always advise me to take breaks, giving me a shoulder to lean on when I need rest, coming over to comfort me till sunrise whenever I texted him a ‘feel depressed lmao.’ He’s always on standby, ready to assist me when I need him, for whatever reason. Even if he wasn’t there, he was somehow able to choreograph his silent dance of support. But I never knew he was this meticulous to take note of my habits, my favourite food and even my period. He knew everything about me at the back of his hand. He really does make me feel some type of way. Perhaps a feeling far beyond love. An unknown feeling that only I could experience since it’s Taeyong. It’s always him. Always have been, and always will be.
I grabbed a big bite, scooping it in my mouth and moaning out dreamily, letting myself sink into the cheesecake and its flavours like a bath. “Fuck this is good. Where’d you get it?” I questioned with immense curiosity. I was genuinely curious. Because I’d love to get more.
Taeyong raised both his brows, his lips forming a thin line as he gave a slightly awkward or nervous cheeky smile. I couldn’t quite tell. “I made it.” He whispered. “No way!” I instantly take another bite, this time with Taeyong in mind. I mean, he already was from the moment he gave me the plate, but with now knowing that he was the one that made it? It suddenly tasted a thousand times better.
“Fucking bake more! Why haven’t I known that you can bake?!” I screamed with excitement. I finished the first slice, now on my way to tackle a second. Taeyong laughed hilariously at my reaction. “Is it that good? It’s my first time trying the recipe.”
“I know you cook like you’ve cooked for me many times but what the heck you should to do this more often. I’d eat it whole.” I squealed as I savoured the cheesecake’s flavours.
“If it’s for you then I’d gladly do it.”
Once again I felt the kindness and love through his voice and tone that’s ever so sweet and gentle. I’d imagine that this was how angels sounded like. Taeyong has always been able to put me at instant peace with just his words alone. Be it through the phone or in person. I always felt calm and protected.
It amazed me just what love could do to you. Everything they do now seemed perfect and beautiful, you blind yourself with their beauty and everything that’s good in them. In Taeyong’s case, I’ve never seen the bad side of him, shockingly enough. I’ve been friends with him for more than five years yet there wasn’t any argument between us that made a major impact on our relationship, if you don’t count those when I wouldn’t talk to him for only one day but we’d be able to act normal after.
We ended up spending the evening watching Netflix. We’ve been through two movies now. The cheesecake was now fully finished as well, down to its crumbs. “Want me to cook dinner?”
“I’m fine with anything.” I blinked my eyes once and a soft smile appeared on my lips. Taeyong hummed softly and nodded his head as he made his way to the kitchen, the sound of his slippers can be heard as he shuffled away.
I laid down on the couch, using my phone. A thought suddenly popped in my mind. I instantly peeked my head above the back rest, seeing Taeyong’s back in view as his body swayed slowly by the stove. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. He ran a hand through his hair. How can a man look this... amazing. I can’t think of any other ways to describe Taeyong at that moment. Boyfriend material? Stunning? Breathtaking? All of the above.
As much as I wanted to stare at his figure, I had another agenda I had to accomplish before getting back to it. I rose from the couch, slowly and quietly, taking the note out of my sling bag. I walked up to the overwhelmingly large bookshelf. I scanned it carefully, trying to figure out where to place it.
“What are you doing?” I turned instantly at Taeyong’s voice. He was a few steps away from me, two plates of pasta in his hands. He turned around to place them on the table.
I took this chance to quickly slide the note into the shelve. One edge of the note was sticking out. Shit. It wasn’t obvious but it’s still there. I didn’t have any time to adjust it when Taeyong faced his body back to me.
“Just looking. The fact that I’ve read all these books... I’m such a bookworm for reading this much.”
“That’s what I like about you.” I was eyeing the pasta when Taeyong blurted that out. It was quick and soft, I couldn’t make out the words. I could only infer. “What?” I asked purposely, just to see if he’ll answer.
“It’s nothing.” Taeyong shoved a spoonful of pasta into his mouth, adverting his gaze on anything else but me.
I thought about how weird he was acting. It’s the first time I’m noticing that Taeyong’s been acting... wary, cautious of his every move around me. Just as I thought about how he’s clueless and delusional about my feelings for him, it could have been the same for me.
Luckily (Thank the Gods kind of lucky), classes ended early today. And Taeyong told me to meet him at his dance studio. For what reason? I wasn’t actually sure. I headed there, passing by the many other practice rooms till I saw the number that Taeyong told me. I opened the door, seeing Taeyong and two other guys I’m unfamiliar with. All of them turned their heads to me in unison, Taeyong blinding me with a bright smile while the others looked to each other with confusion.
“You came!” Taeyong squealed, running up to me and hugging my tightly. He was extremely sweating. I would try to push him away, but he probably wouldn’t let go and let me suffocate. Thankfully, he didn’t and pulled away, grabbing my wrist and dragging me to the other two guys.
“Ten, Mark. This is my friend, _____. I wanted her to come so that we’ll have an audience to show our piece.” Taeyong explained to them freely as he pointed to Ten and Mark respectively, an arm swung around my shoulders. I bowed my head amicably with a smile while they did the same. “You never told me you have a girlfriend, Taeyong.” Ten teased, lightly punching Taeyong’s chest. I couldn’t help but blush a light pink. I swallowed and looked up to him, who had a nervous and shy face on, which I didn’t expect at all.
“We’re best friends, please.” Taeyong denied, no hesitation whatsoever. In my head I wanted to frown but I had to keep a smile on.
“Hey, Ten. Wanna get Starbucks?” Mark suddenly asked, looking at him with a wicked grin as if he’s hinting to Ten about something. Ten was quick to respond, nodding his head with affirmation. “Yeah. I’m thirsty. You should just stay here with her. Need js to get anything?” Ten trailed on while the two of them began to take their wallets out of their bags that were at the back of the practice room.
“You guys are really going all the way to Starbucks that’s a fifteen minute walk from here?” Taeyong asked, extremely shocked. I did walk past Starbucks on my way here, and it is indeed extremely far. What the heck were they trying to do by leaving so abruptly?
“Eh it’s fine. Well we’ll leave you to it! Peace!” And just like that, Ten and Mark have left and it was now just me and Taeyong. The two of us turned to each other and chuckled at the same time. “Come on show me your dance!”
“It’s a duet that I’m doing with Ten. Can’t dance if he’s not here.” I looked up for a moment, thinking. “Dancer by day. Bartender by night. That’s Lee Taeyong.” I spread my hands out with jiggling my fingers as if showing a rainbow and mimicking stars. Taeyong laughed and shoved his hands into his pockets. “Broke university student by day, author by night. That’s _____.”
I looked at him weirdly, eyes narrowing at him as I furrowed my brows. “How am I an author?”
“Eh I just assume you’re one since you’re such a bookworm.” Taeyong fakely rolled his eyes but flashed a cheeky smile after. I smiled back and got closed to him, both hand resting on my hips as I rested my weight on one leg. “So what are we gonna do mister dancer?” I asked with the tone of a child, making me laugh after from how ridiculous I sounded.
Taeyong proceeded to take my tote bag off my shoulder, putting it off to the side with the other bags while he grabbed his phone and went to Spotify. “Let’s dance.” He suggested with confidence. He played a song. It’s one of my favourites. A song that didn’t make me think twice to bob my head to, which I instantly did. “I haven’t danced in years and you know that.”
Specifically, it was six years ago. I used to dance in highschool as extra curricular thing. But in college I started to dance less frequently, and my dance friends and I slowly grew distant. But I was okay with it. I mean, it’s life. The world still had to spin no matter the situation.
“Come on I know you have it in you. Just vibe.” Taeyong swayed his shoulders up and down slowly, grooving to the beat as his whole body began to work its magic, his dancing was at the level of professional ones. I never know why he didn’t want to pursue dance as a career and became a bartender instead.
I slowly moved my body in a weird way. Not dancing for years, your body is bound to be uncomfortable and you’d be looking weird as you move. Which was definitely me. Taeyong laughed at me, making me frown and stopped dancing. He huffed with a smile and held both my hands. Instantly, my legs and body moved in sync with his. It felt amazing dancing with Taeyong. It was fun and carefree. I could dance as stupidly as I want and even though Taeyong could pull off the best dance moves, he’d still choose to dance stupidly along with me. He was able to serve himself as a guidance as I found my groove and vibe that I didn’t have in me for a long time.
When the music stopped, Taeyong’s hands where on my waist, while I had mine on his arms. We turned to the mirror and giggled, throwing out heads back happily.
“You still got it.”
“Make sure to find the ones with pretty spines.”
Taeyong and I decided to head to bookstores today for our monthly book shopping. And while I was carefully reading the synopsis of books that had an interesting title, Taeyong was busy examining their cover pages and the aesthetics, mostly the spine.
“Have you started on the book you told me about?” I asked, flipping the book I just took out to its first chapter to get a feel of the writer’s writing style. “I have, actually.” My head shot to him instantly. He’s read the book. But I remembered putting the note in the back pages of the book. Has he reached there yet? “But I’m a slow reader. And busy. I’m only at the third chapter.”
As much as I was surprised about the fact that he’s speed in reading was extremely slower than what I would consider normal, I couldn’t blame him. He’s body with work most of the time and he has a life to live. Not to mention how it’s the first book he’s actually reading. This is a good example that the gap in terms of our reading abilities are definitely big.
“Liking it so far?” I asked. “Yeah.” Taeyong simply replied as he took a book off the display. “I’m getting this. And these as well.” He giggled like a happy child who’s buying a bunch of toys as birthday present from his parents. He lifted the books up slightly, fiddling around and trying to stack them properly while I closed the book that was in my hands. “I’m just buying this.”
“Seriously? Oh wait nevermind you’re a broke university student.” Taeyong taunted, rolling his eyes. My mouth opened slightly, faking my exasperated as I huffed loudly. “Okay mister bartender. You didn’t have to rub-”
“Oh my God. Taeyong?!”
In unison, the two of us turned around to the noise. A girl was running up to us. The moment she came, she didn’t hesitate to hug Taeyong around his torso. Taeyong chuckled, almost awkwardly and hugged her back.
I took a quick look at them. Their hug made a few things clear to me. One, she’s probably known him for a long time. But if she has, why didn’t Taeyong told me about her before? He shares all his secrets, I pretty much know him from A to Z. So why hasn’t he mention her before? Second, Taeyong was quick to reciprocate the hug, from his awkward form to a loving one. They looked like a couple that hasn’t seen each other in ages; a meaningful reunion.
I wasn’t exactly happy with where this was going. I didn’t like how in an instant, she could simply let herself be in such close proximity with him. I’ve never hugged Taeyong for that long at all. It made me feel a couple of things. Jealousy? Judgmental? Sudden hatred towards her? But why should I? It felt so invalid of me to feel these things.
“It’s been years, Taeyong.” She chuckled happily as they pulled apart. Finally. “Who’s she?” Her finger lifted up to me.
“A friend.” Taeyong answered. Of course, Why did I think I’d be any more than that? Just a friend. We’re just friends. Just.
While they were having a chat about who knows what, I wasn’t exactly paying attention since I simply assumed that it was to catch up with each other. I wondered off to another section of the store. After browsing through a few books, it was then I realised that they weren’t no longer in the store anymore when I got back. They left, Taeyong left. Without telling me. It was my fault for leaving the scene discreetly since I felt like my presence wasn’t needed in their bubble at the time, but why did Taeyong not come find me? Was I... simply forgotten?
I went straight home that day after cashing out the books. I didn’t know where Taeyong went after leaving that that girl, but I didn’t want to act like some busybody who asks something that isn’t her business. I got texts from Taeyong asking if I left yet. Was he planning on returning there after leaving for two hours? He actually expected me to wait. Unbelievable.
After that day, my meetups with him became less frequent. He occasionally replied to my texts. More like one sentence after four or so hours. He still updates his socials. And it was all about her. Photos, videos. They were hanging out together more often. For some reason, it felt like she was a replacement; my replacement. I somewhat distanced myself away from Taeyong thinking, “I assume you don’t need me anymore so I’ll stay out of your way.”
But one day, out of pure curiosity, I decided to follow them to a cafe. Taeyong did text me that he’d be heading there, but I left him on seen. Like I said, I’m slowly removing myself out of his picture.
I sat at the corner of the cafe, black jacket, black cap and large black sunglasses. I looked like a stalker in the eyes of strangers. I mean, I was.
I covered myself further by holding up a book to my face. As I continuously stared at them, I grew bored. Don’t get me wrong, I was feeling negative. I didn’t like how she’s teasingly touching Taeyong’s arm, how they laughed happily together and chatting as if they’re in their own little world. But I started to wonder why I even came here. I did want to see what they’re like. But I’m making myself feel more bad this way.
I decided to write a note. I was done with the book I’m currently holding. All I needed to do was give it to Taeyong. With the note. I took out a random piece of paper from my tote bag, fishing out for a pen as well and began to write.
It’s my 145th letter. Fuck how long am I going to do this? Might sound weird, but I’m currently looking at you. Watching you with her. Why does it feel like you’re happier with her? You’re smiling, laughing more. You’re more brighter. I mean you have always been bright. But you just... radiate differently; a new type of glow I never knew you had. I saw your socials, constantly posting about her. I’m jealous, very. I want to be like that with you. But it just feels wrong, perhaps not right. Like I shouldn’t be craving for you. For your touch, your whispers, giggles. Why do I feel like this? The more you spend time with her, the more I realise that my chances of getting you is slowly slipping away from my grasp. But why can’t I move? Why don’t I want to move? I’m not sure what’s stopping me. And that’s what I’m fearing the most.
I felt my cheeks getting wet. It took me awhile to realise that I was balling my eyes out, slowly and painfully. I took off my sunglasses for a moment to wipe off excess tears before putting them back on. I can’t belive I’m crying. I looked down to the note. A tear fell onto it, a spot crinkled as it left a visible mark of my feelings. Just as I was sniffing, constantly having to wipe my cheeks dry since my tears were getting uncontrollable, I looked out the window. And what stood on the opposite side shocked me.
I knocked on the glass, his head turning quickly. He looked around inside the cafe, not sure of where the signal came from. I knocked once again. He looked down on me and I took off my sunglasses, pulling down my hood.
“Nakamoto Yuta?” I mouthed to him, my lips moving widely so he could read them. His eyes blinked rapidly and he leaned in before widening them after realising who I was. We take a few of the same classes. I see him often in school. But we never really talked. He immediately rushed into the cafe, covering his face as if hiding his identity and running up to my table to take a seat.
“Why were you looking in like some stalker?” I asked, pulling my hood back over my head as I lowered myself, my eyes still fixated on Taeyong.
“You look more like one than I do.” Yuta commented. I notice how he was constantly turning around, specifically to Taeyong’s direction. “You haven’t answered my question.”
“I’m looking at them.” He pointed his finger out ever so slightly. And as I predicted, he was referring to Taeyong and the girl. “You know Taeyong?” I immediately asked, extremely curious as to why he was spying on them just like I was. “No, but I know Jiung.” So that’s her name. Pretty name for a pretty girl. Of course.
“And why are you doing that exactly?” Yuta let out a huff, leaning in with his elbows on the table, his shoulder rising up to his ears. “Because I want to see what they’re on about. I keep seeing her with that Taeyong guy. I like Jiung so I’m jealous.” I puckered my lips and nodded. My face showed as if I shrugged it off. But my mind began turning its gears. So he likes Jiung and he’s jealous of them together? He has the same reason of me coming here as well. What forces swirled around the world for us to come together like this? It’s weird how coincidentally the situation was.
“I actually came for the same reason as you. I like Taeyong, and I’m jealous of Jiung.” I frowned slightly, a sigh leaving my lips. I opened up to him quick about my situation since I felt a sense of similarity with him. He probably wouldn’t remember anyways. It’s not like we’ll be crossing paths in the future.
“Were you crying? Your eyes are hella puffy.” He asked suddenly. I breathed out a laugh awkwardly. I gulped and cleared my throat, thinking that I should shove all my feeling down so I wouldn’t look even more ridiculous in front of Yuta. “Yeah.” I quickly slid the note in between a random page.
“Funny how we met here. For the same reasons. It’s like fate.” I couldn’t agree more. “An idea just came to my mind.” Oh no.
Yuta has always been the class clown, saying out his ideas that were completely mind blowing and far fetched. His way of thinking is... unique, in a funny way. I got somewhat nervous after he said that sentence, you can never guess what he’s thinking about or get a clear grasp of the way he thinks.
“How about we try splitting them up?” I didn’t reply, his words slowly resonating in my mind. He can’t be serious, right? But why am I slowly being persuade by an unknown force?
I have yet to say a word, my eyes still on them as I was deep in thought, wondering about all the possible outcomes of me agreeing and disagreeing, weighing them carefully so that I could make the more beneficial decision.
“Come on. You’ll get to be with Taeyong more. And I’ll have Jiung. Win-win situation, right?”
I sighed, inhaling as my chest puffs up.
“Alright.”
Yuta: How’s it going?
Me: amazingg :D
“Who are you texting?” Taeyong asked, I placed my phone down to the side, screen faced down. “No one.”
This is the sixteenth outing with Taeyong after that day. I was able to spend time with Taeyong a lot more, just like before. And probably just like it should. I’ve seen Yuta posting more often on his Instagram stories, mostly of him and Jiung. Our plan of keeping them apart is working. Though Yuta told me that it was Jiung who’s constantly asking to meet up with Taeyong, he was able to force her to hang out with him instead, giving her no chance whatsoever. It was extremely helpful.
I know this whole situation sounds as if I’m being evil or whatever you call it. But why wouldn’t I accept a chance to be closer to Taeyong?
“Should we head to the carnival after this? Or desserts first? Oh I want to head to that new ice cream shop! Ten said it’s delicious but extremely crowded. I don’t mind waiting since I’ll have you to annoy.” Taeyong rambled on. I laughed happily, taking in this moment. I want to treasure such simple moments like these. I want it to be in a snow globe; something remembered forever.
“Do anything you please, Yong.” I chuckled, flashing an eye smile.
Just then, the bell above the restaurant’s door opened, signalling a new costumer coming in. Taeyong widened his eyes at the door. I tilted my head at his weird action, turning around to see just what made him react that way.
“Jiung?” “Yuta?” The two of us whispered at the same time.
Jiung’s eyes immediately went to Taeyong, her face lighting up at the sight of him as she tried to make her way over. But Yuta stopped her by the shoulders. I now understood what Yuta meant by saying, “She’s so attracted to him.”
While Jiung was struggling to eacape Yuta’s strong grasp, Taeyong was halfway off his seat. I immediately reached a hand to place on his arm. “Where you going?” I asked, faking a smile when in reality I was getting nervous.
“Wanting to say hi to Jiung.” Taeyong was about to alide himself off his seat so I grabbed his arm, trying to stop him in the most natural way possible. “I don’t think you should. She seems busy.” I tugged on his arm slightly, an attempt to get him to sit back down. “But it looks like she’s struggling. I- Wait here.” Taeyong noticed how I was trying so hard to stop him from leaving. He raised a brow and shook my hand off in an instant, his strength powering over my desires.
I followed behind him. Taeyong forcefully removed Yuta away from Jiung and Yuta’s eyes immediately glanced to mine. Both of us sending nervous signals to each other in that split second. “What the hell were you doing to her?” Taeyong growled lowly, his voice and tone suddenly growing dark as he held Jiing’s wrist, his body standing in front of hers as if he’s protecting her.
“I was just getting her out of the restaurant since it’s quite packed.” Yuta awkwardly replied with an excuse. “No you were purposely stopping me from going to Taeyong.” Jiung fought back. I stood there frozen, watching by the sidelines as nervousness started rising in me. Are they going to find out about my plan with Yuta?
“I think it’s just a misunderstanding. You two can go now.” I ripped Taeyong’s tight hold around Jiung’s wrist, dragging him back to stand beisde me. “I just want to chat with Taey-”
“I don’t think that’s necessary. Move along now.” I tried to shove Yuta and Jiung out the door. Taeyong’s hand suddenly gripped onto mine. I looked up instantly.
“Pause. You’re very acting weird. What’s going on?” Taeyong’s voice was raised higher than before. A few people were staring at us. “Nothing...” I whispered, looking down. I was now scared to the bone. I didn’t know what to reply, how to cover it up. It’s gonna have to slip out eventually. At least I was able to be with Taeyong more often.
“Yuta and I planned for you guys to never meet again.” That’s it. It’s all over. With that simple line of confession, the truth was now out. No where left to hide or run. Yuta smacked me on the arm, making me wince. “What the heck?!” He half-shouted in a whisper.
“Are you serious? And for what? Jealous or something?” Taeyong was mad. So mad. And I felt it. I was so scared. I was shivering with every word he said. I gulped, avoiding eye contact with him. I didn’t need to give a reply. My body has said it all. A moment of silence filled with tension circled around us. Suddenly, Taeyong stormed out.
I panicked, immediately going back to the table we were at to grab my belongings and rushed out, wanting to stop Taeyong. I looked around frantically. I spotted him walking down the street on the left. I ran as fast as I could, my hand reaching out for him as I shouted his name countless of times, but he doesn’t respond as if he was deaf.
“Taeyong, please!” I cried out. I finally had his wrist tightly around my fingers. He turned around sharply. He tried to walk away, but I tried harder to grip onto the hem of his sweater tighter. “What?”
I realised at that very moment that I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to stop him, but I never thought of what to do afterwards. I wanted to say “Don’t leave.” But it never left my lips.
I stood there silently, my thumb caressing against the cloth as I bit my lip hard. “Hello?” Taeyong asked, annoyed. That one simple word hit me, right on the heart. It was like an arrow, painfully accurate at where its being shot. Just as how one word from him could light up my day, and one word from him can make it come crashing down as well. His change in tone and mood was quick and intense. I couldn’t stop thinking about being terrified.
I eventually took in a deep breath, opening my tote bag and taking out the book that I have forgotten to give him that day while I was spying on him.
“Here. Have it, as a present.” I brushed a hand down the back of my head, my fingers combing through the ends as I turned around and walked away in the opposite direction after shoving the book to Taeyong’s chest, remembering the note was somewhere in there but I never bothered knowing exactly where.
My breathing started to become unstable. The further I walked away, the urge of falling down to the ground and collapsing became stronger. But I continued walking, telling myself to stay strong the whole way till I reach home. “You can cry on the floor all you want. Just quickly get home now.” I kept whispering to myself, begging my legs to speed up but my wobbly knees were not helping.
I cried that night. Very hard. The whole scene of kept replaying like a movie tape. All I could think about was how mad Taeyong looked. With his voice and eyes. It was a look I’ve never seen on him before. It was like a completely new side of him. The entire opposite of what he usually was. I now realised that he’s one of those “Their all butterflies and rainbows till they get pissed off.” That phrase cannot be any more true in regards to Taeyong.
Every day I tried to meet Taeyong. At the bar, his home, the bookstore. Anywhere he could be. He wasn’t replying to my texts, or calls. He probably blocked me. And on his socials as well. He wasn’t responding to me at all. I got worried sick. Is he never going to talk to me ever again?
Constantly, I mentally slammed my head against an imaginary wall, thinking about how I never thought of this outcome while weighing out the possible aftermath of the decision I made. How could I be so stupid, so reckless?
I eventually gave up trying to get in contact with him. He needed time and space away from me, completely. The hole this made in my heart was deep, like a dried up well with vines that has sharp long thorns growing in them. And every time I thought about Taeyong, I am constantly being pierced by those thorns of regret and agony, pricking deeper into my skin the more I fell deeper.
It was choking me; Taeyong’s absence. I couldn’t breathe at all. I was sinking, gasping for air each time I longed for him. I just wanted him back. I wanted things to get back to normal. I wanted to be us again.
Two months have passed. It was the worst two months of my life. Worst than the exam stress I had for last year’s final project. I had university to worry about on top of Taeyong. I was mentally going through hell. And again, the worst one yet. And it was now that I realised, I’d be much better off having him as a friend than anything less. But I was selfish enough to not treasure it that way, and it’s now finally gone. Completely out of my reach.
One night, I was up. Doing assignments. Nothing’s new. Nothing’s changed. Taeyong has yet to open up to me. I glanced at the clock on my phone, groaning as I let my head fall on the table. I closed my eyes. I was too stressed. The world’s spinning too fast. I needed it to stop for awhile. My brain can’t bear this much.
As if on cue, the door bell rang while I lifted my head off the table. My head slowly turned to my room door. The bell rang again. A few seconds later, it rang yet again. Whoever’s outside was frustrated or something, jamming their fingers on the bell while saying “I’ll keep annoying you till you open this damn door.”
I pushed my chair back and walked over to the door. I looked through the peek hole. Taeyong...? I opened the door. On instinct, I grabbed him by his waist while his body fell on me. His face tilted up to meet mine. His cheeks were flushed red. His eyes were half opened and looking around as if stars are swirling above his head. He’s drunk.
“Good night. I wanna go in.” Taeyong whispered. Yup, he’s drunk. His breath reeked or alcohol as he spoke. I stood there for a moment, needing to process the current situation. At three in the morning, Taeyong showed up here drunk. I can think about why later. But now I had to figure out a way to carry his heavy body into the living room.
Taeyong wrapped his arms around my waist, sticking his body against mine. “You’re so warm.” I blinked rapidly. I looked down on him. I can’t believe it. He’s here. After two months of ignoring, he can simply show up here. Drunk, even. Worst of all, I still had the love to move along with this. The anger was still there. It’s just that his sudden presence made me forget about it a little while.
Out of the blue, like a marionette on strings, he jerkily push himself off me and staggered his way to the lviing room. I followed closely behind, not bothering to turn on the lights. I didn’t feel the need to. I sat down at the edge of the couch while he laid his body down. He giggled to himself and muttered things I couldn’t understand. I know what he’s like when drunk. Unstable, crazy, a lightweight. Will not remember a single thing the next morning.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, not even sure why. Why did I bother asking when he won’t remember any of this the next day? Well, he’s here now. And no matter what state he was in, I just wanted answers.
“To thank you. Me thank you. Mwah!” Taeyong puckered his lips in the end, eyes closed and shaking his head furiously. His fluffy hair moving along. I smacked my bottom lip and nodded. “For what exactly?”
“For getting rid of Jiung for me. She’s so annoying. I’d much rather be with you.” Taeyong mumbled, finger slowly pointing up to me. Unconsciously, I pointed back to myself too. “Me?” Taeyong pursed his lips into a thin line and nodded firmly. “Uhuh. Yes, right. Mhm.”
I kept silent for a moment. “That wasn’t really what I got from how you reacted two months ago.” Suddenly, Taeyong forcefully gripped onto my wrist, pulling me down. I let out a soft gasp, realising that my body was laying on top of his. We stared at each other for a long while, the close proximity making it so that I could feel his cold breath on my skin, sending shivers down my spine. I breathed heavily as I felt my face getting hot. Stop it. Why are you falling for him too quickly?
“Go home, Taeyong.” I whispered so softly in a calming and light tone. Taeyong whined in response. He was now pouting with his big boba eyes. He looked like a sad puppy. My heart instantly melted at the sight. I couldn’t resist. “I’m staying here.” He said in a high pitch voice, hugging me closer and putting me in an uncomfortable position for my body. Regardless, I stayed.
After two months he was finally here, and in my arms. This night might not mean anything to him but it made me feel relived. The fact that he remembered my house, my name, me. Whether it was just the alcohol driving him to do such things that are out of his control, I didn’t mind. All I needed was for him to be here. It felt good to be with him for that one night. Just one night was all I needed. It didn’t stop my anger for him about the fact that he ignored me, but I was okay with it. That night, I let it go. All I wanted was to feel such peace with Taeyong.
We ended up sleeping together on the small couch. I woke up with terrible body aches but either way, I sighed in relief when I woke up before Taeyong. I tried finding his phone, that was hidden under the crack of the cushions. I typed in his password. I memorise it like how he memorise mine. I went to his contacts and called the one person I knew.
“I have a favour to ask, Ten.” I said nervously as I watch him carry Taeyong into his car. He hummed, pulling his head out of the car and slamming the door. “Don’t tell him he went here.” Ten gave a half-shrug, nodding his head in response. “Sure. I’m not sure what’s going on between you two, but it seems like a lot. Should solve it soon.”
“Yeah... I hope so.”
16th October.
I’ve lost count on the number of love letters I’ve given you. I can’t give them to you anymore, since you don’t even want anything to do with me. I can’t blame you. I knew you’d be pissed. I was hesitant on doing it but I was so selfish, wanting you all to myself. But what can I do, Taeyong? I’ve wanted you for so long. Yet you’re so delusional of my feelings. How could you have not read any of of my letters? Perhaps you have and chose to ignore it. That’s more painful than you being upfront and rejecting me. As much as I allow you to hate on me, I’d still say this. Fuck you, Lee Taeyong.
23rd October.
I saw you at the bar. You look... happy. Without me. You act as if nothing happened. Like I never happened. I wonder if you’re just putting on an act, or are you actually okay without me by your side. Are you still mad? Did you forget about it but have gotten use to not being with me? I want to know Taeyong so please, respond. That’s all I ask from you. Fuck that. You don’t even have to talk. I just want you here with me. Whether the air around us will be filled with tension, I don’t care. What I’m going through, is not nice, Taeyong. It is punishment for my actions. But how long do I have to keep it up? How long to I have to suffer to take a breath? For you to pull me out of this mess with your forgiveness. I’m falling apart.
14th December.
Wow. It’s December already. I’m sitting at the park we go to every Christmas. We’d be freezing to death but still glued to the bench chatting about life since we just loved being out in the snow. And yet, you never got back to me. I found out from Jiung that you left the country but never said where. I miss you, Lee Taeyong. I’m tired. So tired, of constantly penning my feelings down on pieces of paper. Words I can never say to you out loud, are all in the letters in your books that you never bothered to open. I even hid one between the books of your huge ass shelf. Why haven’t you said anything about them? I know I should move on, because it really does seem like you never want to talk to me ever again. I’m losing hope, more faster than before as each day pass, wondering where the hell as you and how you’re doing. I keep telling myself “Let it be. Let him have his moment.” But I wonder if you ever think about how I’m bearing all of this as well. That without you, I might never be able to forgive myself.
I slide the notes under Taeyong’s apartment door. I knew he was out of the country. Some nights I’d sit by his door, the note in hand as I envision him in his house. I couldn’t think about what he’s doing. And I constantly ponder about it. Is he eating well? Sleeping well? Is he enjoying himself wherever he’s at? Months passed. And as time went on, I began to wonder if my letters were even worth writing. Why was I giving so much? Why am I going through such lengths, physically and emotionally, for Taeyong to be okay? Why am I bearing such emotions when it’s not even certain that I’ll be given the same in return.
I’m making a promise to myself. I’ll let go of Lee Taeyong. I’ll slowly, bit by bit, remove my feelings out of my heart. It’s not worth it, I kept telling myself. I’m meaninglessly suffering for someone who is isn’t appreciating it. So why should I go on? I loved you, Lee Taeyong. I changed my words. I loved you.
And that was the last love letter I wrote.
Along my journey to forgetting Taeyong, I suffered a lot. I was always drawn back to him. I was always willing to put my pen on paper and just write something to him. About anything. It was a bad habit that needed to stop. I had to let go years of feelings that were being pilled up in my heart. And it was something that’s extremely hard to let go. But other than my own factors, there were external, circumstantial ones as well. Whether it was coincidental or not, that was something I can never know the answer to.
I was on my laptop, casually scrolling through Pinterest to calm myself with the aesthetics of random things. Room decor, clothing ideas, handsome idols. Anything that can take my mind off my billions of overloaded projects for awhile.
I didn’t know how, but I ended up looking at quotes, Japanese ones to be exact. The deep meaning of words. Some were heartfelt while other were heartbreaking. I read them off casually till I paused at one.
‘Tsundoku— buying books and not reading them; letting books pile up unread on shelves, floors, or nightstands.’
I scoffed to myself, pinching my temples as I shook my head. It’s just like you, Lee Taeyong. “Fucking hell.” I mumbled, slamming the laptop shut. I’ve been able to not think about Taeyong for a long time now. Or at least I felt like it was a long time. I wasn’t going to let a word get me off course. I placed my laptop on the bed and went back to my study table, suddenly feeling motivated to continue as a way to distract myself from thinking about him.
Thinking that I wouldn’t be facing that state of dilemma again, I just so happen to see a quote the first thing I entered Pinterest.
‘If they were meant to reunite, they had to go separate ways.’
I was then reminded of Taeyong yet again. But I don’t think I was thinking about him as a person, but our relationship. Just our relationship. Having to part ways as a mean to reunite. That’s something I found hard to believe. Why am I having hope that it’ll happen when I highly doubt I’ll experience it? Why is my mind slowly pulling me back to the memories I have with Taeyong? I want him long gone. I want him holed up in the corner of my mind, out of sight, out of mind. But things are always popping up randomly around me, and it all reminded me of him. I feel like it’s his doing, funny enough. Constantly hinting about him with almost everything I come across.
“What the fuck?”
I looked at the Youtube home screen and what was recommended for me. One of the videos had Taeyong’s name. And his face was on the thumbnail. The title? Lee Taeyong | Freestyle dance | Paris In The Rain (Lauv) My finger moved on its own, bringing the cursor to the video and clicking on it.
As I expected, the video was taken in Paris. So that’s where he has been. He was in Paris this whole time without my notice. I was shocked to find that the video has tons of likes and view. I read through the comments. They were all swooning over Taeyong.
“Who wouldn’t?” I said to myself. I scrolled up and played the video. My eyes didn’t leave the screen for a second. I was frozen, not being able to move an inch as I watched, completely in awe. Firstly, Taeyong has his hair dyeda light ashy grey or blue. It suited him well, all too well. His dancing was immensely beautiful. Anyone would fall for him. Visuals, talent. He has it all. Dancer by day, bartender by night. He looked so free and alive in his dance. Serving the world with a hard punch with his deep emotions that were imbued perfectly into his movements.
I bit my lower lip. Fuck. I felt it. The goosebumps, the quivering of my lips. My eyes started to well up with tears. “No, this is not happening again.” The video was still playing, the music ringing in my ears but I couldn’t bear to look at the video. I was watching Taeyong, living the perfect life in Paris. What more could he needed? I clearly wasn’t in his equation. I’m completely gone, removed out of his life. No trace of my presence to be found.
The longer I think, the more I forced myself not to cry. Eventually, being weakling I am, I ended up falling deep into the harsh and intense whirl pool that is my feelings once again, a place I never visited in a long while. The feelings started dancing in my mind like butterflies flapping in unison to the soundtrack of my sadness. I could only assume that it’s what the world wants. It’s how it wants to spin, how it wants to work.
Eight months. I actually counted how long I’ve lost contact with Taeyong for. It didn’t bother me. I was trying to live a life. It’s getting better. It took a lot of baby steps. But I’m feeling a whole lot lighter now. It’s March.
I was walking back from University when my phone started vibrating in my hand since I’ve always left it on silent mode. I lifted it up. It was an unknown number. Instinctively, I chose to not pick up the call. But a few seconds later, the same number showed up on the screen. With a light groan, I picked up and brought the phone to my ear.
“Hello? Who is this?” I asked formally, waiting by the traffic light. I heard the person on the other hand breathe out a chuckle, almost like a disappointed kind. “Who the-”
“So you deleted my number?” That voice... No doubt. It was Lee fucking Taeyong. “Meet me. My home. You got ten minutes.” The call ended.
Rapidly blinking my eyes, I slowly brought down the phone. I read over the number again. It was Taeyong’s phone. Why didn’t I remember it? I used to know it. It’s one of the few things I used to be able to tell off the top of my head. “Ten minutes?” I looked at the time.
I don’t know what urged me, but I ran. I ran as fast as I could. The unknown force. It was unfamiliarly familiar. If that made sense. I was able to live a life without Taeyong. I was. I was capable of it. And that’s what I did. But at the very moment, I felt the need to see him. The spontaneous out of the blue kind of feel. It was all just pouring out of me.
I stood at his doorstep, hand on my chest and other as support for my body against the wall. Panting heavily, I tried to slowly calm myself down. I gulped, and rang the doorbell. No turning back.
The door flung open. And there stood Taeyong. He still had his ashy hair colour. His face never changed a single bit. Nor did his overall physique. He was still handsome, breathtaking. “Come in.”
I sucked my lips and sidled in timidly and warily. Nothing has changed in his house as well. The large bookshelf with the television in the centre. I started to remember the love letters. All of them are hidden in the pages of the books in that very shelf. It reminded me of my feelings for him.
I sat down on the leather couch as Taeyong disappeared into the kitchen. I kept my head faced forward, placing my tote bag down, leaning it against the couch on the floor. Taeyong came back moments later. Two plates with a slice of cheesecake. He handed on to me. “Try it.” He said.
I slowly took a bite. Chewing on it, I scrunched up my nose, placing the plate down on the table. “I hate it. Tastes too artificial.” I commented dryly. Taeyong chuckled and cleared his throat. “Knew you’d say that.” Taeyong shoved a bite into his mouth, eating it as he placed the plate beside mine. “Want to know why you’re here?”
I bobbed my shoulders. This atmosphere, the air between us. It wasn’t awkward at all. Though our words were dry and short, it felt normal. It wasn’t weird being next to him after not seeing him for eight months.
Taeyong stood up, taking small steps to the shelf. As if practiced, he pulled out one letter from a book, another, and another, and another. It was never ending. It took him at least ten minutes to slide out all the letters and placing them on the table. I silently watch, my anxiety turning up a notch with each letter.
He finally took what I hoped was the last letter and went back to sit next to me. A specific letter is held in his hand. He unfolded it, placing the paper on the table and turning it so that I could read.
It was my last love letter.
“So you knew.” I whispered, looking down, leaning forward as I laced my fingers together. I took in a deep breath, my eyes scanning down the note before turning my head to Taeyong. “Then why the fuck didn’t you do anything about it?”
Taeyong lifted the paper off the table, holding it in front of him. He reread it. Running a hand through hair, chest puffing up as he inhaled and exhaled sharply. “Because I wanted you to keep writing to me.”
“What...?” That was definitely not an answer I was expecting.
Taeyong licked his lips, smacking them before sniffling a rubbing his nose. He lets out a weak chuckle. “I liked them. From your handwriting, to your words. I felt it; your love, with each letter.” He whispered softly.
I simply couldn’t believe what I was hearing. This was the explanation and truth I’ve been wanting to hear for months. This is what kept me up at night, what led me to have my mental breakdowns, the constant ‘what if’s I formulated throughout. “You just like them? Taeyong if you’re rejecting fucking do it now-” I was about to scream, but Taeyong was quick to cut me off.
“In a way it felt like you were writing a book. One just for me. That’s why I never bothered to read any other books. I just needed yours. Your... simply overpowering pain in the heart love letters.” Taeyong smiled down at the letter, hovering his fingers over the words.
“And I don’t just like the love letters. I love the author. Paris made me realise that. It took me that long. And I’m sorry for how long you needed to wait.”
“What do you love about the author?”
I could tell Taeyong was taken aback by that question. And I knew he would react that way. He still knew me well, bouncing back and giving a confident answer.
“I don’t want to sound common by saying it’s her smile, laughter, brightness. But it truly is what I love about her. All the times we’ve spent were filled with nothing but pure bliss. Serenity, is what I feel when I’m with her. Longing, like I was meant to be by her side. I’ve known her long enough to know every single detail about her, ones that maybe she doesn’t even know herself. Like how drinks two straws when she’s sad, or having the habit of twiddling her thumbs when she’s excited. Little things like those, I find them adorable. No matter what she is, a nerd, weirdo, plain crackhead, it’s... the energy, her own energy. A light and force only she could illuminate.”
I couldn’t say anything. I frozen stiff by his words. He actually meant it. I could feel it through his voice. He stuttered here and there nervously, finding words to say. But he was able to structure them in the most beautiful way possible. I had no words to say.
Suddenly, Taeyong slowly brought his hand up to cup my cheek. That one touch alone made me feel a lot of things. It was like I was hit by a huge wave of feelings all bunched up together and crashing over me. But it wasn’t something I couldn’t handle. It was overwhelming, but I was calm. I was at peace. It felt good. Just this.
He slowly and carefully swiped his thumbs across my cheeks like I’m the most fragile thing in the world. His touch was lightweight and simply serene. “Another thing the author doesn’t know about herself is that she really doesn’t know when she’s crying and spilling out tears.”
I blinked my eyes, Taeyong smoothing his hands from my cheeks and to my shoulders, placing them there firmly as his eyes stared into mine. I can’t exactly explain what I felt. But it was like the stars aligned, as cliche as that sounds.
‘If they were meant to reunite, they had to go separate way.’ I resonated with this now. I understood what it meant. Our months of separation were all for this exact moment. Both of us suffered, one trying to find themselves again while the other needing the time to realise that what’s most valuable was right in front of him. We needed that gap, for us to reunite and actually be able to love each other properly and willingly. Which definitely would not be a trouble now.
Mellifluous - A sound that is pleasing and good to hear
Pairing- Lee Taeyong x Reader
Genre- Fluff, Smut.
Word count- 2.30k
Warning - Adult theme, fingering, unprotected sex (play it safe y'all), the fluffiness could get a little cringey so gonna put that in warnings too!
Summary- Taeyong whispering sweet nothings in your ears is the best music you'd want to play over and over.
"Come on Y/n you're taking way too long!" your boyfriend whined from the other side of the door. You chuckle as he started whining from not getting any response from your side.
Around 4 hours ago, Taeyong had come back from his business trip of 2 weeks. You missed him, yes. But when he tried pulling you in for a hug, you pushed him away. In your defense, you'd been busy cleaning up the entire house and were covered in sweat. You wanted to get freshened up before cuddling him, and so you led him to your shared bedroom, asking him to wait there while you went to take a shower.
And now being the whiny, impatient giant baby he is, he kept knocking on the door every five minutes interrupting your peaceful shower.
"Calm down I'm done!" you shout, stepping out of the shower, grabbing a towel drying yourself off. You unlock the door, prying it open just enough to let him know that he could come in, the steam from the shower rushing out into the room.
You walk back towards the mirror, wiping the humidity off of it before doing your skincare routine. Taeyong walks in with a huge frown on his face, shoulders slumped, taking long, dragged strides towards you.
"You said 10 minutes is all you'll take!" he said, the first thing after wrapping his hands around your waist, face dug into your neck.
"And I took exactly 10 minutes," you reply, twisting your neck at a very painful angle to place a kiss on the crown of his head.
He let out tiny noises of protest when you removed his hands from around you, walking out of the bathroom to the closet to get something comfortable for you to wear, and of course, why wear your own clothes when you could just steal Taeyong's?
So you take out one of his grey hoodies, discarding the towel and pulling the comfortable fabric over your head, opting to wear nothing inside because it's night and you don't want to torture yourself.
Taeyong stood still by the door, looking at you with a not so amused face, raising his eyebrows in a teasing manner, "Alright first my hoodie, then my sweats, take my boxer next" his voice jokingly scolding you.
You look at him feigning offence, "When did i take your sweats??" you ask in a high pitched voice, walking towards him with your arms crossed over your chest.
His lips drew into a straight line, softly flicking your forehead as he bent down to be face level with you. "You were literally wearing it when I walked in" he sassed. You let out a small throaty laugh, caressing your forehead, "Oh, seems serious. Maybe I should wear your boxers now then" you say, about to make your way back into the closet, "Come here you!" he pulled you into a tight embrace, your back hitting his chest as he held you in place with his arms wrapped firmly around you. You let out giggle as he peppered the back of your neck and the sides of it with kisses.
"You think you're funny, huh?" Taeyong asked, attacking your sides, you squirm in his grip, trying to get out of his grip because you're extremely ticklish.
"Tae, s-stop, i can't breathe!" you whine out as he slowly loosened his grip around you, laughing watching you twist out of his hold.
"That's for keeping me waiting for over 10 minutes" he said, now his hands loosely hanging around your hips, yours around his neck. "Oh you're back at it again" you playfully roll your eyes. He placed a soft kiss on your lips, "Of course! I missed you so much!" he said, tugging you closer, head dipping into the nape of your neck, placing soft kisses there, dragging his lips up the flesh, towards your earlobe. He nibbled on the soft muscle, you let out a sigh of content, as he placed another kiss behind your ears, "I missed this.."
He rasped out, resuming his ministration on your soft skin, hands travelling lower, under the material of your (his) hoodie, pulling your body even closer with his hands around your waist, palms resting on the bare skin. The temperature seemed to have increased, his hands cold in contrast to your warm skin, causing a spark making you jolt.
"A-aren't you tired?" you whimper out, your palms resting flat on his chest as he left love bites all over your flesh, occasionally pulling back to see the skin turn crimson-purple, before going back to leaving marks once they were the way he wanted them.
He hummed against your skin, placing one last soft kiss, removing his head from the nape to look at you.
Taeyong had a smirk on a face, watching you pant slightly, kissing the tip of your nose, "Not anymore" he said and leaned in, capturing your lips in a heated kiss. You were standing on your toes to reach his lips, him leaning down lower and lower for your lips to not fall out of his. He started walking forward, slowly as you step back, not wanting your legs to tangle and the pair of you to fall down, lips still in contact.
You felt the back of your knee hit the bed frame, the sudden contact making you jump. Taeyong giggled against your lips, looking at you with nothing but love and adoration, "Scaredy cat" he mumbled, making you smack his shoulder. "Says you".
Taeyong had his arms at small of your back, supporting your body to lay you down gently on the sheets, finding your lips once again once he had you where he wanted you to be, him climbing the sheets himself, placing one hand beside your head to support his weight and the other under your hoodie.
He swiped his tongue on your lower lip, asking for access which, you grant him gladly. Your hands travel from his neck, down to his chest, to his torso then towards the hem of his shirt, tugging at the material, signaling him to take it off. You feel Taeyong smile against your lips, pecking it, moving back slightly to remove his shirt from over his head. Once that was out of the, he raised his eyebrows at you, head tilted up, silently asking you to do the same.
You decided you wanted to tease him, you shake your head, poking your tongue out at him. "Tsk, tease." he exclaimed under his breath, the smile still wide on his face as he got up pulled you under him, causing you to let out a yelp, pulling his hoodie over your head, making shivers run down your spine from the sudden exposure as you had nothing under it.
You hear him let out a shaky breath, "I really missed this so much". He placed soft kisses all over the skin of your collarbone, down the valley of your chest, to your stomach, smiling as you squirm underneath him. "Me too.."
He moved back once again, admiring your bare body, all marked up, looking absolutely beautiful. He lifted himself over you again, kissing the entirety of your face as his hands traveled down your body, gently prying your legs open, looking at you with doubt in his eyes when hands were just inches away from your core. You look at him, giggling and nodding your head, signaling him to continue.
Taeyong let the tip of his fingers brush against your wetness, watching you whimper a bit, then kissed your cheeks letting a single finger slip into your slit, "I love you", you moan out, the feeling a little foreign as you hadn't had any intercourse in the span of two weeks, making you squirm because of the uncomfortable feeling. He slid his finger in, pulling it out slowly, and repeating the action, the pleasure soon kicking in because of how skilled his fingers are.
"I love you too!" you whine out a moan when he curls his digit inside you, his slender fingers working so gracefully inside you, soon pushing towards your high.
It would've been a little embarrassing from how fast you were reaching your peak if it wasn't for Taeyong whispering praises every now and then right into your ears, admiring the marks he had left, re-painting the ones that were faded.
He added a second finger in slowly, feeling you clench around his digits, knowing you're close.
"Tae!" you cry out, trying to close your legs, feeling your orgasm rip off.
He slowed down his pace, slowly helping you ride out of your high, hushing you, when he felt you shake slightly.
Once you calmed down, he removed his fingers from inside you, making you whine from the sudden coldness felt there. "Do you think you can take one more, love?" he cooed at your expression, moving back to grant you enough space to breath normally, while caressing your hair.
You nod your head pulling him in for a kiss as he fumbles with the button of his jeans, shifting weight from one hand to another trying to get out of the clothing while not breaking the kiss.
"You're so beautiful.. " he said softly, looking at you as though you're his entire universe, which you are. You feel blood rush up your cheeks, you lift your hands to cover them, earning a laugh from Taeyong. "You're acting shy now, huh?" he asked once he was void of clothing himself.
"Who's a-acting shy?" you question, looking anywhere but him as he kept giggling. He softly took a hold of your face, moving it and forcing you to look at him. He pecked your lips still smiling wide his cheeks might be hurting. But he doesn't care. "I love you" Taeyong said, once again positioning himself on top of you, rubbing his shaft against your wetness, lubricating it, "I love you too.." you say out fast, feeling the tip slide in slowly, stretching you out painfully.
Seeing your face scrunched up, Taeyong immediately stopped, staying in one place, sliding in the slowest he can. Stilling completely once the entirety of his member was inside of you.
"You're doing great, baby" he whispered, shifting closer to you, weight now on his elbows, as he moved your hair away from your face, placing pecks all over your it to distract you from the stretch.
He kept letting out sweet words, occasionally moving the slightest to test the waters, seeing if you're ready for him to move or not.
You place your hands around his shoulder, palms resting flat on his back as you tap it, kissing his cheek, "You c-can move.." and so he did, groaning when he pulled out a little, then pushing back in at a slow pace, not wanting to hurt you.
You let out a moan, feeling him completely feel you up made you feel warm on the inside. You crane your neck at his slow, deep thrusts, Taeyong taking it as an opportunity to mark you once again, if that was even needed.
You feel him struggle holding back himself from going faster, scared you'd feel uncomfortable. "You can move faster, baby. It's.. It's fine" you moan out.
He pulled out once again, steadying himself to set a faster pace as he pushed in deeper, latching his lips onto one of your nipples, sending sparks of pleasure throughout your body.
"Fuck.." he growled, voice throaty and deep, he shifted himself, moving to the other nipple giving it the same attention he'd given for the other.
The room was filled with the sounds of your moans, his words of encouragement dripping honey, the only other sound being that of the aircon.
Taeyong's thrusts were slow and controlled, deep, reaching spots that had your toes curl, back arching of the bed and holding onto Taeyong for support.
"Tae.. I'm close" you warn him, still moaning out, somet louder than the other when his member hits your soft spot. He kissed your temple, his hips not losing the rhythm.
Taeyong let out a growl feeling you clench around his member, "Can you hold on for a bit, princess? I'm close too" he said, moving faster as you nod your head, your legs wrapped around his hips.
Feeling you clench even frequent than before, his moves started to get sloppier, hips stuttering against yours.
"You can let go, baby" he cooed at you, voice hoarse from the constant moaning, feeling himself getting closer and closer to his high.
One last thrust and you felt your knot come undone, letting out a chain of his name, whimpering when his member started pulsating inside you. His hips slow down, looking at you with urgency, "Come in me, Tae.." you look back at him with doe eyes, clenching around his member, encouraging his orgasm, you yourself let out whimpers, pain of being slightly overstimulated kicking in.
He let out a high pitched moan, calling out your name as his seeds spill out right into you, painting your walls as you sigh from the feeling.
Your foreheads connected, Taeyong placed a slow kiss on your lips, riding out his own high and pulling out, distracting you from the pain once again.
You pant hard, giggling as you calm yourself as Taeyong looked at you with adoration, wiping off the sweat that trickled down the side of your face with the back of his hand.
He leaned down once again, placing a peck at the edge of your lip, rolling off of you and onto the bed beside you, pulling your body closer to his in an embrace.
"Did I ever tell you that I love you?" he asked in a low voice, his chest moving as he chuckled feeling you snuggle up further into his chest.
i feel like doyoung is the type of bf to be extremely clingy to his s/o.
like if you hurt yourself he’s right there by your side.
if you have any type of cramps he’s right there by your side with candy and a heating pad to lessen the pain.
loves and i mean LOVES cuddling you.
would give anything to always be next to you.
100% gets sad when you two can’t be together because your schedules clash with each other.
does anything possible to stay home with you just so you two can cuddle.
please don’t ever break baby’s heart
most definitely gets jealous when he sees you with other people ESPECIALLY the other members.
NSFW
i feel like doyoung is a switch leaning more towards sub because of how soft he is.
baby literally just wants to be taken care of.
tell him he’s pretty and that he’s doing good.
i feel like if doyoung was to dom he would really possessive.
like i said earlier he gets jealous when you’re around other members but if you tease him while being around them he will definitely remind you who you belong to when you get home.
most definitely has a breeding kink.
wants to see you full with his cum and will fuck it into you for hours until your shaking and begging for him to stop.
says things like, “can’t wait to fill you up with my kids.” or “wanna make you a mommy.” or even, “you’re gonna look so pretty while pregnant with my kids.”
in conclusion no one is really ready for dom doyoung.
Lee Haechan:
SFW
like doyoung i think he’s also very clingy.
wants to be around you 24/7.
there is never a dull moment with him let’s get that straight.
loves to tease your height if you’re shorter than him.
if you’re taller than him then he gets pouty when it’s brought up.
gets insecure when you are around mark for too long.
acts all tough on the outside but we all know that he would do anything for you if you ask.
before you two got together if you made eye contact with him he would instantly blush.
still blushes when you show PDA, especially around the other members.
NSFW
switch who doesn’t really care about topping or bottoming.
literally just wants to feel good and doesn’t care about how it happens.
if he’s been bratty tie him up with a vibrator until he’s begging for mercy.
loves to be spanked 100%.
loves to spank his s/o as well.
once again tell him he’s doing good.
i feel like he’s a very cocky sub so if you tell him he looks pretty he will respond with something sassy like, “i always look good.”
gag him cause he’s such a brat.
i also think he’s a service top🦭
nothing can change my mind about that.
would give anything to make you feel good(if he’s in the right headspace)
if he’s being the dom he only hold out for a little while
100% gets lazy in the middle and makes you take over
loves you eat you out
would do it all day if he could.
don’t want this to be too long so maybe i’ll write a whole fanfic about it.
Lee Taeyong:
SFW
CLINGY TO THE MAX
now that that is out of the way, i feel like taeyong wants you all to himself
doesn’t like it when you get too close to other people including members.
i feel like he needs constant reassurance about if you love him, which of course you do.
gets insecure when he sees you around other members more than him.
if you were to surprise him for his birthday but you needed help from the other members he would lowkey get sad and pouty because you’re not paying attention to him he gets really sad.
once he realizes your intentions though he feels dumb.
spend time with your baby or else he gives you the silent treatment
it doesn’t last long though
NSFW
SUB! SUB! SUB! SUB! SUB!
SERVICE TOP
i could go on for days about taeyong
his one goal is to make you feel good.
but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take care of him.
yongie does so much for NCT and sometimes all he needs is to be taken care of.
be slow with him because he’s so inexperienced.
praise him until you can’t
the least bratty but if he does, its only cause you got too close to doyoung.
wants you all to himself
loves to cum inside you.
100% has a breeding kink.
i feel like yongie also loves cockwarming no doubt.
will talk about having kids while fucking you
i also feel like he is very much into pegging.
fuck him until he’s crying he absolutely loves it.
looks so pretty when he looks ruined.
100% has a mommy kink.
after a long day all baby yongie wants is to just be taken care of and fucked dumb by his mommy.
i could go on forever about this but i’ll stop here
in conclusion, taeyong best boy :)
this is just my take on the type of bf these three are :)
[3:46pm] your phone screen lights up and displays taeyong’s face and name. taeyong wants to facetime you. you pick up the phone and he immediately groans. “i miss you” he says with a pout. “not long now! let’s just stay safe, yeah?” you reply and smile into the camera. “fine.” he replies and you both share stories about what you got up to that day. “lockdown is boring.” taeyong says. “yup!” you reply and taeyong just stares at you for a while. “taeyong?” you tap the screen wondering why he isn’t moving “hmmm” he hums in a sing-song tone. “i thought the screen froze.” you tell him through a giggle.
