May 6
Thoughts I Have Thunk
Benign neglect is still neglect.
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Thoughts I Have Thunk
Benign neglect is still neglect.
if talk therapy hasn't been helpful or is something you are a bit nervous or averse to for whatever reason, i recommend looking into experiential therapies! there are lots of different kinds, but the one i am obsessed with lately is "geek therapy" :) it might be what ur looking for!
and geek therapy can be anything! like, i've utilized reality tv A LOT in sessions, for example. music is another avenue to explore. movies. books. fan fiction. memes. internet culture. literally the sky is the limit!
this article goes into it really well and also provides sources for research that supports geek therapy as an evidence-based practice ^_^
Welcoming to all but located on the second floor up 22 stairs with no elevator. I’m never hauling myself and my wheelchair up the stairs ass first again.
Do you know what I was really unsure and nervous about doing? Group therapy. Do you know what I fucking love going to every week? Group therapy. Go to therapy, people. No matter what is going on or how big or small you feel your problems are, ya gotta go fucking talk it out. And being in a room with 8 other people of different ages and perspectives and RELATING to them and resonating with them and you feeling seen and heard in turn?? Fucking cool. Fucking hopeful. A year ago my mentality was FUCK therapy, thats some stupid shit, I know my mental health sucks and that's just what it is. Now? Therapy will be something I partake in for the rest of my life. Maybe not constantly, but definitely when I know I feel the need.
Take it from someone who was very anti expressing himself and his feelings and emotions- I have grown SO MUCH. I have opened up so much. I see myself in such a different light.
Go get help. Go talk to someone that is there to walk you through what's going on. Someone with no bias, no stakes in your game, someone that's just going to listen and to be there. I fucking LOVE my therapist. He's cool as fuck and I genuinely wish I could just hang out with the guy. If you ever thought about going but convinced yourself you're fine without- Go try.
(Mental Health) Individual Therapy?
Currently
Never
Used to, not anymore
Never, but intend to at some point
Used to, intend to start again
In therapy, but not individual
Something else OP didn’t think to include
I seriously need therapy but it's so hard cuz all the ones that my shrink sent only accept Medicare.
I need one that takes both Medicare and Medicaid. But I have another problem. I have so many issues (depression, anxiety, chronic illness PTSD, etc) that idk if they can handle it all.
How do you feel about emotional/mental therapy?
I go to therapy regularly; it benefits me.
I went to therapy regularly at one point; it benefited me.
I go to therapy regularly; it doesn't help me.
I went to therapy regularly at one point; it didn't help me.
I go to therapy regularly; it actively harms me.
I went to therapy regularly at one point; it actively harmed me.
I would go to therapy; it would benefit me.
I would go to therapy; I still have doubts if it would help me.
I would go to therapy; however, I think that it would actively harm me.
I wouldn't/can't go to therapy, even if it benefited me.
I wouldn't/can't go to therapy as it wouldn't help/would actively harm me.
It's complicated/I have a different take.
Please feel free to post why you do or don't go to therapy, experiences with different therapists, or anything else that might give more data.
Demystifying Female Romance
The basis of female romantic interest is relation-- it is autoerastisphillia. Love of oneself as the lover. This is the true explanation behind the tendency for “female centered” romantic media to have a bland female protagonist and a dynamic, interesting, and often pained male romantic interest. The typical explanation of this is that the female protagonist is supposed to be a blank slate for the female reader to relate to; the female fantasy is to be loved by a dynamic, interesting, rich, and pained man. I am sure there are some women who interact with romantic media in this way, but I am also sure this is not typical, at least not subconsciously. Instead, the bland as bread female protagonist is a conduit for the female reader to relate to and romantically embody the male love interest.
I experienced this recently when I started playing BG3 recently. I’ve never felt like this about a fictional character before. My heart is inflamed. I think about Astarion, and I giggle like a child. But what is my real interest here? My interest is in myself. I realized I do not so much as have affection for Astarion, but rather I have a great deal in common with him. Our traumas could not be more similar unless I was kidnapped by something supernatural. I was abused; Astarion was abused. I had my body taken from me; Astarion had his body taken away from him. Horrible things were done and said to me; horrible things were done to Astarion. Astarion had his flesh cut into; I had my flesh cut into.
I always thought fictional crushes were weird, especially when I was a child and my abuse was happening. But now I understand it. The great quality of art is that it allows you to be seen. Really seen. Validated. Only, this art had abs and a lovely voice. This art, and all art I love, makes me want to be a part of it. I love the art because I want to be it.
Autoastarionphillia. Love of oneself as Astarion. It is extremely strange, like much of the rest of female psychology. Masculinized female psychology is even weirded. Reflecting upon this, I recall when I was younger and my abuse was happening, I connected greatly to the character Killian Jones from the ABC show Once Upon a Time. I was enthralled by the relationship between him and Emma Swan, but I really had no interest in Emma. I have always related more to male characters in general, actually. I relate to many male characters more than most real women in my real life. As far as Killian goes, I related to his anger, his pain, and his hunger for vengeance. At the time, I almost didn’t know why I related so. It took me some reflection to realize what was being done to me.
My desire wasn’t so much for the character (it was especially not for the actor), but to be loved like he was, and redeemed like he was. The same is true for Astarion. I relate to his pain, intimately, and I relate to his anger. I wish I could’ve brought vengeance like Astarion will in this (and every) playthrough. I wish there would’ve been someone to pluck me from the horror of what was happening to me. I wish someone would’ve defended me. I wish someone was there to be my mirror.
This is why the woman in virtually every romance novel (or movie, TV show, or videogame), is a dishwater blonde or brunette with a meek, unknowable personality. (Emma Swan was not like this by any means, but we should still consider why I still related to Hook more than her). This is so prominent that I can’t actually decide if I find Twilight so memorable because of Bella Swan the character, because of Kristin Stwert’s acting, or because of the zeitgeist around the saga in general. The very fact I’m having this debate in my head I take as proof she is not memorable.
There is no question, however, that Edward Cullen is memorable. He spawned more discourse and fandom than I can even imagine (Twilight is slightly before my day). Just think, a pained, superpowered vampire who sparkles. The men in these novels (Twilight is not the first and shall not be the last) are dangerous, powerful, emotional, eccentric, and relatable, and the women are self-described insecure and frumpy, and nothing else described. This is not a fault of the genre, but a feature.
Male love-interests in romance fiction are, furthermore, usually pained in a feminine way. They are violated, abused, degraded, raped, beaten, and so on. These are means of suffering most common to women. Further, they often inflict self-wounds of hatred, vengeance-seeking, self-hatred, and self-blame. In women especially, these wounds fester. Women believe they are unlovable, and so does the love interest. Their psychologies, as love interests, are also more similar to women.
Astarion is strong, funny, and capable in a way I wish I could be, but never will be. I wish I could be loved as I love him --as my character loves him. I wish I could be supported and corrected and held, I wish my shame could be refuted, I wish my ugliness could be seen as beauty.
No matter how much I am loved, I will never feel it. I will never really feel my shame refuted, or my ugliness turned to beauty. So, I possess it vicariously, through someone who will.
All this is to say I am Astarion’s juice box. Because I wish I could drink the beloved’s blood.
