The Beginning... Episode 1 Part 3
Ganondorf: Alright, alright alright! It’s finally time fro our first game of Volley-Bomb! Representing the Crying Goombas is Link, Leaf, Red, Joker, and Rosalina! Representing the Ugly Koopas is Samus, Roy, Pit, Lucina, and Erdrick!
Samus: I had high hopes going into the first round. I mean, Leaf and Red can barely be qualified as teens. They’re tiny. Then again we’ve got Pit... but the kid’s an angel! And he’s beaten Dark Lords and Evil Gods without any Pokemon.
Ganondorf: The rules are simple... don’t kill each other! Oh, and stay on your side of the court. Aside from that? Go nuts!
Joker: Wait, seriously? No rules?
Ganondorf: People don’t want to see a fair fight! They’re here for blood, guts, and the occasional booty shots. *to the camera crew* Make sure to get Link’s moneymaker. Apparently fangirls like it.
Link: *covers his butt with his hands*
Ganondorf: And, without further ado... BEGIN!
*Link serves the bomb, throwing it over to the other side. To counter it, Erdrick draws his sword and uses it like a baseball bat, sending the bomb flying back to Link’s side.*
Link: Oh, so that’s how you want to play?! *draws the Master Sword* I’m the sword Ping-Pong champion!
Link: Finally! That Final Boss sequence in Ocarina of Time pays off! Never thought I’d be thanking Ganondorf for something.
*Link charges up and unleashes a Great Spin sending the bomb back over with the force of a comet. It hits Lucina and the subsequent explosion sends her flying out of the arena*
Ganondorf: Point, Goombas!
Lucina, legs sticking out of the sand like a reverse ostrich: Sorry guys.
Samus: I may have spoken too soon.
*the game begins again. This time Samus serves and sends it over to the other side. Rosalina catches it with her wand and whips it around her head like a sling*
Rosalina: Let me drop THIS bomb on you!
Everyone: ... *crickets chirping in background*
Rosalina: What, I thought it was a good one. *sighs* Oh well. *hurls the bomb back to Samus’ side*
*Roy intercepts the bomb and ripostes, countering and sending it back at Link’s team.*
Samus: Nice one flame-brain!
Joker: Oh yeah? How about this! *dramatically rips mask off, summoning Arsene* ARSENE! FIRE YOUR- *as he is preparing his epic anime-style attack the bomb hits him square in the chest sending him flying and dispelling the Persona* Oww.... my everything.
Ganondorf: And the Koopas even the score!
Link: Okay, no more screwing around! *picks up a new bomb* Just call me Marcellus Wallace, ‘cause I’m going Medieval on your ass!
Rosalina: Oh, so when Link does a one-liner it’s cool! How is that one different from mine? Puns make great one-liners!
*Link tosses the bomb in the air and draws his bow and arrow. He lines up a shot and send the arrow flying. It hits the bomb and sends it over at Samus’ team.*
Pit: Oh yeah? Well two can play at that game! *Pit fires Palutena’s bow and sends the bomb right back at Link*
Link: Grr! *fire his bow again, hitting the bomb and repeating the process.*
Samus: I don’t think so pretty boy! *Samus summons up her Power Armor and Z-Jumps into the air. She fires her Zero Cannon, blasting the bomb down with such force it takes out both Link and Rosalina*
Ganondorf: Oh, snap! That’s two-fer! Way to play for keeps Samus!
Link, bruised and bloodied: Okay, not gonna lie... that was pretty hot.
Samus, her Power Armor flaling away: I play to win.
Ganondorf: Damn! Guess it’s down to just Redie Freddie and Leafy Green for the Goombas. How are they gonna get outta this one?
Red: Welp, guess it’s time for Plan P.
*Leaf and Red throw their Pokeballs, summoning Charizard, Squirtle, and Bulbasaur.*
Roy: Wait what?! They can do that?!
Ganondorf: Nothing says they can’t.
Erdrick: That’s totally cheating!
Ganondorf: Guess who doesn’t give a shit ya Goku rip-off.
Erdrick: It’s not my fault I was designed by Akira Toriyama!
Leaf: Bulbasaur! Use Vine-Whip!
Bulbasaur: ‘Saur! *grabs the Bomb with their vines and throws it into the air*
Red: Charizard! Use Flamethrower!
Charizard: ‘Zard! *Blasts fire at the bomb sending it at Pit with the force of a meteor*
Pit: Oh, applesauce. *Gets blasted out of the court*
Ganondorf: Oooh! And that’s another one for the Goombas!
Samus: Alright, that’s it! *turns to Erdrick and Roy* Morons! Swords out!
*Erdrick and Roy draw their weapons. Samus nods and spikes the bomb over the net.*
Leaf: Bulbasaur use Vine-Whip! *Bulbasaur grabs the bomb out of the air and tosses it high*
Red: Squirtle, use Hydropump! Charizard, use Flamethrower at the same time!
*Squirtle and Charizard use their attacks at the same time. The resulting blast on the Koopas side blasts Samus, Roy, and Erdrick off the court*
Ganondorf: Holy Jompin' Gibblets! Red and Leaf win the first Game with an abolutely EXPLOSIVE VICTORY!
Leaf: Pokemon Power! *they high five*
*The others of their team come and crowd surf them while Koopa Team picks themselves up and dust themselves off*
Samus: Well, that was the most humiliating thing ever.
Erdrick: My three favorite Pokemon just beat me up! This is a dream come true!
Samus: Lucina, hit Erdrick for me. I'm too tired.
Lucina: *whacks Erdrick upside the head.*
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Ganondorf: After that explosive display, it's time for Round 2 of VOLLEY-BOMB! Both teams gave a great effort and, frankly, both deserved to win... is what I'd say if I were a LOSER! The Koopas sucked harder than a Hoover vaccum making sweet, sweet love to a Roomba!
Peach: Well... there's another image to repress with alcohol.
Ganondorf: The Koopas are going to need this win just to tie it all up. This time we've got Daisy, Ike, Corrine, Marth, and Bonny Janet representing the Goombas! Opposing them is Zelda, Dark Pit, Robyn, Peach, and Captain Falcon!
Captain Falcon: Aw yeah baby! Let's get this party started!
Dark Pit: I hate everything.
Peach: Uhh... Dark Pit? How are you not sweating.
Dark Pit: I'm an emo. Emos don't sweat. We simmer along with our burning hatred for all things bright and happy.
Pit: Pittoo scares me sometimes. But I know that deep down he's a big old ball of sunshine! He's my brother after all. How bad can he be.
Dark Pit, stabbing a voodoo doll of Pit: Why! Won't! You! DIE!
Bonny Janet: Ai'ght ya bleedin' coonts! Time ta show these hootin' tootin' flea-ridden, sheep-humpin', rat-faaced, doo-lillies tha' the Goombas ain't ta be messed with!
Corrine: Yeah! ...I think. Was that supposed to be inspirational?
Daisy: The adorable Scot is right! LET'S FUCK 'EM UP!
Peach: Umm... Daisy darling? I'm right here.
Daisy: THERE ARE NO BREAKS ON THE ASS-KICKING TRAIN!
Daisy: Yeah... did I mention I can get kind of competitive?
*Peach pulls down Captain Falcon by the arm and whispers in his ear*
Peach: Take Daisy out first. She's good. Too good, you get me?
Ganondorf: Alright my funky-fresh friends! Let's get ready to ruuuuummmmmmmmbbbbbllleee!
*The battle is joined. Captain Falcon serves the bomb, sending it flying at Daisy. Daisy whacks the bomb with her baseball bat and sends it back over.
Daisy: GO LEGALLY BRAIN-DEAD BY CHOCKING ON MY ENTIRE ASS!
Zelda: Well that's just uncalled for! *Zelda summons up her armor to whack the bomb back over*
Ike: AETHER! *Ike swings Rangell, the sword wreather in blue flame. The bomb flies over... and out of the court entirely*
Ganondorf: Ooh, tough luck! Ike is out!
Corrine: What?! You didn't say anything about that!
Ganondorf: It's one of the basic rules of Volleyball Corrine, get with the fucking program girl.
Corrine: But this is Volley-Bomb!
Ganondorf: Look, I'm the host and I say that Ike's out.
Marth: Corrine, please just drop it.
Corrine: But he's just pulling this out of his ass! What we can use our powers but we can't knock the ball out of the court?!
Ganondorf: Okay, you know what?! You're out to missy. Grab Hunk of Burning Love over there and get off my court.
*Ganondorf Warlock-Punches her off the Court*
Ganondorf: ANYONE ELSE WANT SOME!? *turns to Ike* HOW ABOUT YOU MUSCLES!? YOU WANT SOME
Ike: Nope! No. Nuh-uh. *leaves and collects a delirious Corrine*
Ganondorf, cheerful again: Alrighty then! The Goombas are down two players. Can they make a comeback? Let's find out!
Corrine: Okay, arguing with the Man-Child of Evil may not have been my best move. But I don't like assholes doing whatever they like! Such a prick.
Bonny Janet: A'ighty then... we're fooked ain't we?
Daisy: No we aren't! No yet! Come on guys! We can still win this. If Red the Twig and Leaf the... well Leaf the Leaf can pull off a win against all odds then we can too! So let's roll up our sleeves, grease those elbows, and WIN! THAT-
Captain Falcon: Falcon PAWNCH! *The bomb, struck by the Falcon Punch, hits both Marth and Bonny Janet, koncking them out of the arena*
Captain Falcon: FALCON PAWNCH! *Falcon knocks Daisy out of the arena with another bomb*
Ganondorf: AND LIKE THAT THE SECOND GAME IS OVER! THE KOOPAS TAKE AN ABSOLUTELY EXPLOSIVE VICTORY! Not losing a single player and absolutely DOMINATING the Goombas!
Captain Falcon: Oh yeah! High fives all around!
Ganondorf: And with that, the score is all tied up. You know what that means. It's time... FOR A TIEBREAKER!
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*The entire cast has assembled, including those nursing injuries.*
Ganondorf: The rules of the Tiebreaker are simple. Each team will select one, I repeat: ONE, champion each. These two champions will play each other in a 1 v. 1 game of Volley-Bomb. But this time, instead of ten player and one bomb... it's ten bombs and one player each!
Ganondorf: So, select your champions and let's get to this Sudden Death Elimination!
Link: Okay, so since most of us are nursing injuries and they're probably going to be sending out Captain Falcon... who should we choose?
Bonny Janet: Oh ho? So now yer askin' our opinions?!
Link, fed up: Bonny, shut up! I don't know what crawled up your ass and died but shut up and let me talk!
*there is a long moment of silence as Bonny Janet glares at Link... but remains silent*
Corrine: I can't go. I'm still working through that concussion.
Leaf: You all look pretty banged up.
Red: And they'll probably be planning for our Pokemon. We won't be able to pull that trick again.
Daisy: No. I owe it to the team to try. Besides, I owe Falcon a little bit of payback.
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*The battle lines are drawn. Captain Falcon representing the Koopas and Daisy representing the Goombas. Ganondorf grins evilly and throws all ten bombs into the arena, ten to Daisy and ten to Falcon*
Ganondorf: Lights! Camera! SLAUGHTER!
Daisy: Oh yeah! *Daisy catches four of the bombs and delivers a massive kick upwards, sending the last one into the atmosphere. Daisy*
Catpain Falcon: You're going down girlie! *Falcon catches one, two, three of his bombs* Falcon KICK! *Falcon kick's one of the remaining bombs at Daisy.* Falcon KICK! *Falcon sends the other one at Daisy
Daisy: Sorry Falcon, but this flower's got thorns!
Rosalian: And now Daisy's doing one-liners two?! Ugh.
*Daisy catches both bombs and sends one sailing at Falcon. Falcon dodges as the bomb hits the ground. Daisy throws the second one, but Falcon dodges again.*
Daisy: Sorry Cappy... I'm not done. *Daisy prepares to throw her remaining four bombs.*
Captain Falcon: Aww crap.
*Daisy throws three of her bombs. In a panic, Falcon responds. The bombs crash into each other, exploding on contact with each other. Falcon is officially out of bombs and Daisy has one left*
Daisy: Dodge this Falcon Dick! *Daisy throws the final bomb*
*Captain Falcon front flips over it. The bomb hits the ground where he had been standing moments prior.*
Captain Falcon: Wait a minute... we're out of bombs. What now?
*Captain Falcon frowns, not understanding. Daisy smirks and points up. Falcon looks up and sees the final bomb. The one Daisy launched skyward, hurtling right towards his face.*
*the bomb explodes in his face, launching Falcon out of the arena. Daisy has won!*
Crying Goombas: BOO YEAH!
*The Goombas race forward, wrapping Daisy in a massive group hug*
Ganondorf: Well Holy Hell! That was one awesome tiebreaker! How're ya feeling Falcon?!
Captain Falcon, from the CF shaped hole in the nearby cliff face: No mommy... I don't wanna wear the pink bow...
Ganondorf: Eh, he'll be fine. Goombas! *The winning team stands at attention* I promised you a reward and now I'll deliver! You win invincibility, you cannot be voted off this island tonight. In addition, your team has earned... a beach party!
Ganondorf: There'll be good food, fine drinks, and all the volleyball you can play! … The none explosive kind, of course.
Daisy: Wow! So this is what it's like to be the hero? To be the one who saves the day?! It *sniff* It feels good.
Ganondorf: Koopas. I'll be seeing you at the bonfire site, where you will vote off one member of your team. *evil grin* See you there.
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*As the lights of the Goombas' beach party blaze in the distance the Koopas sit in front of a massive bonfire in sullen silence. Most are nursing injuries and glaring daggers at the team bellow them on the beach. Peach sits with Pit and Zelda on either side of her*
Peach: I was confident that I wouldn't get voted off, especially after the poor showing of Samus and Falcon. Then again both are pretty powerful. I'm not sure if their failures today will be enough to get them voted off. Samus is more tolerable company, and she didn't fail as spectacularly as Falcon did. Still...
*Ganondorf walks around the fire to face the Koopas, carrying a tray of One-Up Mushrooms*
Ganondorf: Welcome, losers, to your first bonfire ceremony! I have on my plate, nine One-Up Mushrooms. These one-ups represent immunity and safety for the coming week. If you fail to receive a marshmallow, you will walk the Dock of Fools, board the Boat of Failures, and be taken away from the Camp forever. And, lose your chance to ear the twenty million dollar reward.
*the Koopas shift around nervously*
Ganondorf: When I call your name, I'll throw your mushroom. The first goes too... Peach. Ganondorf throws it at Peach* Next up... Erdrick. *The Hero gratefully catches the mushroom.* Zelda. *Zelda catches hers* Roy. *Roy spear his mushroom as it flies at him* Pit and Pittoo.
Dark Pit: THAT'S DARK PIT!
Ganondorf: Shut up and eat your mushroom! *Pit happily eats his One-Up as Dark Pit begrudgingly chews on his* Next is... Robyn. *Robyn sighs in relief and eats her One-up* The second to last Mushroom goes to... … … Samus.
Samus: I was actually scared that I would be voted off first episode. Whew! I'd of never lived that one down.
Ganondorf: I have, on this platter, the last One-Up Mushroom. Falcon, you let your team down when they needed you the most. And Lucina? You got knocked out before anyone else, pretty pathetic.
Ganondorf: Prettier girls than you have tried sweetie.
Ganondorf: And the last mushroom... goes too... … … … … … … Lucina!
Peach: Sure, Falcon's strong, but Lucina is by far the better thinker. Strong can be replaced. Thinkers can't.
Dark Pit: He's the one person on my team more annoying than Pit.
Roy: Call it a Fire Emblem bias... but Lucina should stay.
Captain Falcon: This... this can't be happening!
Zelda: Sorry Falcon... I wish it didn't have to-
Falcon: This is bullshit! I-
Ganondorf: Cram it buddy! *Ganondorf grabs Falcon by the scruff of his neck and hurls him to the Dock of Fools* And that's your first episode of Total Drama Smash Bros! Falcon is the first to go, but have we seen the last of him? And what will become of the new teams? Find out next week, on Total, Drama, SMASH BROS!
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And that’s a wrap on episode 1! I’m so excited for this series you guys. I’m going to have so much fun with it!
I really hesitated to put Falcon down as the first off, but he was one of the few characters I didn’t have long term plans for. Sorry if you wanted him to stay.
Also, for a bit of extra fun, submit your own ideas for challenges! It will definitely help get my creative juices flowing.
