Thanks to the conversation I had with @saladbroth, I decided this discussion was really important to me. I will start by saying that however canon plays out, there's a lot to be said about the portrayal of Akk and his reaction to sex, romance, and queerness in general. This is merely an interpretation and not an attempt to force an identity or erase what's intended for him. However, I'm an asexual and I will be wearing the ace goggles as is my wont to do.
Akk is a funny character in many ways, and it's really enjoyable watching him be so rigid yet so affected by Ayan's antics. It's truly comedic. He gets the biggest deer-in-the-headlights expression on his face that I have ever seen. He is so uncomfortable and so in denial that I can’t help but laugh. But looking at him from a serious angle reveals so many layers that prove he is not just a mindless bootlicker serving as a tool to be messed with. His struggle to rise from a humble background to become the head prefect of Suppalo plays a great part in who he is and what motivates him. In fact, it seems to be the thing he cares about most.
One scene that really points this out is the exchange below:
Akk doesn’t just say no, but he calls dating nonsense. Even while hiding his true feelings, calling romance nonsensical as a whole is a bit further than he needed to go, so why would he put it that way if it didn’t hold some truth? A good part of asexuality is having a complicated relationship with romance and dating. Regardless of one’s romantic attraction, navigating the dating scene especially in modern day is exhausting. This is tenfold for asexuals because of the expectations that come with pursuing a relationship. For now, Akk is a student and he is happy putting his energy into that instead.
Now, when asked that ultimate question, the show plays a short montage of Akk’s private moments with Ayan up to that point. I’ll talk more about that in a second, because it’s still relevant. Before Ayan came to the school, Akk has been comfortable being a student and not worrying about teen romances. He doesn’t even complain about not being able to attract anyone, which could’ve been an easy reply. However, if he had complained about this predicament, it would’ve likely invited his friends to offer him help finding a date. Akk has been with these friends throughout his time at school and this is their last year together, which means he knows that’s not what he should say.
Of course, part of the reason he gives that answer is because he’s still not willing to admit any feelings for Ayan. That’s too much to unpack. He can’t even be vague about it because then he’d simply get questioned even more, and the last thing Akk needs is to be pressured into saying something he neither wants to nor should for a student in his position.
And then we get this scene:
He is once again targeted with questions about his dating life. Namo wasn’t present during the discussion earlier, so poor Akk has to face these concepts again but now with Ayan present. He has another chance to say he just can’t get a girl to date him or that he’s focusing on school and dating will have to wait. But what does he repeat?
This is such loaded response. Because while Akk may not care about dating, there is something going on, there is someone he likes. It doesn’t help that Ayan is present for this conversation because his ears are perked up like a rabbits’ and enjoying every second of Akk’s rigid cover.
He doubles down anyway. This is not a topic he wants to discuss. I find it interesting in that he handles it so differently from Kan, who is in a similar situation. Kan leans into faking heterosexuality to feel safe. Akk could easily have done the same but that tactic doesn’t even occur to him. All he wants is to be a good student and do his job and he’d like nothing to get in the way of that.
Kan, I love you sweetie, but you really could have just said nothing. This was a step too far. Sex and romance do not go hand in hand for everyone. I will forgive him a little for making this comment because again, Kan is trying to come off as some kind of chick magnet and is using the idea of possibly not being a virgin to insulate that persona. Still rude though.
I would just like to commend Wat for this comment. He already got his answer from Akk and accepted it, and doesn’t understand why Kan has joined Namo in prodding him further. Namo does not take a hint.
That question. That fucking question. Ignoring the smug little smirk on Ayan’s face, I just see Akk’s posture and feel my whole chest weigh down with a feeling I know very well. There’s a great deal of thoughts and emotions swirling through him right now and none of them are pleasant. He’s confronted with the knowledge that against all logic he likes Ayan, who is sitting beside him and has not been shy about flirting in the slightest. This means he’s gay, a fact about himself that has only recently surfaced and comes with a whole slew of baggage for a kid who has lived under traditional ideals his whole life. But he’s also never cared for dating and romance before so it should be easy to write off. Right?
Except for all of Akk’s oddities, he is aware that the social norm is to want sex and is around the age where teens typically experiment with it. And he hasn’t. Is it because he’s gay and repressed? That’s possible. He could lean into Kan’s method again and try to hint that he’s not a virgin, if that’s what he really wanted to defend.
What we see instead is that he gets so tense and uncomfortable that he makes an excuse to leave the situation altogether. Once the topic of sex, especially his experience (or lack of) with it, is brought up, he is out.
And we see a pattern in how he responds to Ayan’s advances. I love this gifset here because while it’s also humorous, it’s so relatable. What many would like to call sexual tension in this situation could also be seen as anything but. Akk’s slow reaction to Ayan undressing appears to be closer to confusion at what he’s watching up to the point where the zipper goes down and he realizes what it means.
I could reference shot after shot after gif after gif of Ayan posing a threat flirting messing with Akk and point emphatically at Akk’s face and body language, but I know that a great deal of what I’m seeing is very much my own interpretation. To me, Akk is the person who was raised with very strict rules and his beliefs are so influenced by them that he is happy not stepping outside those boundaries. He’s naive in that he believes he has a proper frame of reference to explain the world around him - or at least have enough explained to him to get him where he wants to go and he can ignore the rest because it doesn’t (shouldn’t) affect him. His asexuality is easy to deal with in that context because he doesn’t even have to be aware of it to move forward in his life. For all he knows, his lack of sexual attraction is simply an advantage, some lucky removal of distraction, so that he can focus on what’s more important to him.
Then Ayan comes along. He’s out of bounds both literally and figuratively. He awakens ideas and feelings in Akk that are scary and new and worst of all fucking inconvenient. The thoughts in his head stray from school work to that romantic nonsense everyone else has been bothering him about. Why should he care? Why should they care? What is Ayan really trying to do? So he pretends not to be interested and tries to convince himself that Ayan is a villain and that he doesn’t have to bother with wanting Ayan in any way if he gets rid of him. Anything so he doesn’t have to face the fact that not only does he experience attraction, but he’s homoromantic. Hence the montage mentioned earlier.
Akk as a gay-ace learning he is both at the same time is a huge event - one that will slowly make the world he knows crumble into dust around him. I don’t expect the show to tackle the nuances of the split attraction model or even ace identities, so I’ll be happy with whatever comes of his relationship with Ayan even if it does turn out to be more sexual. Sexuality is strange and fluid and ultimately very personal. There’s no right or wrong way to experience any given identity. But being able to relate with a character who shares characteristics of my own identity is what makes me love Akk so much, especially with such a lack of ace representation. First's portrayal of him is absolutely something to be commended. Golf has done an amazing job with this show so far and I look forward to everything they have prepared for us.
