the physical difference in prince tinnakorn before and after the timeskip is staggering.
when we first meet tin, he's young, he's talented, he's confident, he's got a bright future. he's cherished by his family. he has phob by his side. he enjoys his privilege and feels comfortable in it.
his body language communicates this too - he's loose, he's relaxed, self-assured. he smiles widely when he wants to. he jokes and teases.
he kisses phob easily and naturally, like it's the most comfortable thing in the world. like he belongs. like it's a joy. like it's his right.
it isn't that his life is completely free of anxiety or conflict, but he feels so assured of his own agency when facing any problem. siri can't go out without her father's permission? we'll just talk to him. phob is keeping a secret? i'll simply summon him to make him talk to me. phob can't follow tin to the uk? i'll just ask my dad on his behalf. tin truly believes he can overcome anything life throws at him.
privilege is a garment he wears with ease and comfort. and why wouldn't he? life is easy for him.
but then. eleven years later.
the comfortable, confident prince is gone. utterly gone.
he's tense, cautious, stiff. he barely smiles anymore, even when he intends to. the weight of eleven years of repression and obedience and expectations and family responsibility and running away from his emotions and giving up on happiness have left him visibly hollow and fragile. the effort of reshaping himself over and over to fit what others need him to be has exhausted all his capacity for self-protection.
his privilege is now a cage he is chained to, and a weapon he wields without even meaning to. he knows the harm he is capable of just by benefitting from the systems of power and oppression he was born into. the garment of privilege has become an uncomfortable, ill-fitting uniform of authority that protects people who are cruel and corrupt, and actively harms people who are simply striving for a better life. people who deserve more than their lot. people he loves.
he's running from phob in a desperate attempt to protect him. stay away from me, i'll only hurt you.
but phob has changed, too. phob is ready for a fight, and tin has lost basically all his defenses.
so these kisses now - he's so unsteady, so lost. he's helpless and desperate. he never managed to put these feelings away after all these years, he only hid and ignored them; so all that thinly buried emotion just rises up and overwhelms him every time. tin can do nothing but surrender.
there is an ocean of love, of want, of desperation, of pain, of longing in prince tin. the dam holding all of it back is paper thin, even after eleven years. any day now, it's going to break open and all come pouring out.
i have to throw ongsa his flowers because this man is telling the story with his whole body. and i am loving every minute.
(special thanks to @embersinthefirelight and @tanrak for the beautiful beautiful gifs π)
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