Look for the Light ── ᖭི༏ᖫྀ
Canon Abby! x reader; apocalypse au!
Synopsis: You and Abby used to be best friends back in the Fireflies, but after her trip to Jackson, she makes it clear she no longer wants to be friends. If anything, she doesn't seem to even like you anymore. However, her actions keep stating otherwise...
Warnings for; Smut, switch Abby! Follows timeline of TLOU2
Word count: 3.9k
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You didn't know Abby Anderson.
At least, not anymore.
Now she was just Issac's top Scar killer, another soldier in the WLF, another person like any other.
You arrived at Soundview Stadium a few months ago with a few other WLF soldiers, your patrol unit finally moving in after guarding a post near the Seraphites Island.
You still remembered the day you first ran into Abby again, surprised to see her returning from the lodge up in Jackson.
You didn't know how high she had climbed in the ranks with Issac then, all you knew then was that your old best friend was standing in front of you, walking with Owen and Mel- and you nearly knocked her over when you ran to give her a hug, burying your face in the crook of her neck, never so glad to smell the familiar scent of pine and vanilla. Abby had been strangely stiff, patting you awkwardly on the back like you hadn't spent nearly two years with her in the Fireflies.
Seeing her gave you hope, hope that you two could talk and make up for lost time, finally have some companionship- but that hope was quickly dashed when Abby made it clear to you that she didn't want that at all.
She had said it later on when you two were alone, your things finally unpacked in the tiny room. You had tried to ask her how she was doing, how Jackson went, if she was alright, but it all fell on deaf ears.
"Listen y/n..."
Abby had said, pausing for a moment, rubbing the back of her neck. It was as if she knew this wasn't a good idea, that the next words were words she couldn't take back.
"I don't think we should be friends, I know we used to be but that was a long time ago- I'm just not the person you used to know."
You had been hurt then, hoping she'd give you more of a reason, but Abby was silent, her once bright blue eyes cold and dim.
If Abby Anderson no longer wanted to be friends, if she wanted to pass by you in the hall like you didn't once know every detail about each other - fine.
Fine by you.
-
"Y/n?"
You opened your eyes groggily and opened the door to see Nora standing in the threshold.
"Hey, Issac wants you to report to him- says he's got the details for your latest mission"
You smiled, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes.
"Thanks, Nora, I'll be there in a sec"
You threw on some clothes before heading out, making your way up to Issac's office.
"Hey-"
You pushed open the door and saw Abby, Manny, and Issac already waiting for you, and felt your heart drop into your stomach at the sight of her.
"Ahhh, y/n there you are, now we can get started. A rogue group of Seraphites attacked a patrol yesterday down by the Eastbrook area- I want you guys to go in and sweep to make sure they're all gone. Bring any supplies you find back." Issac pointed to the map on the table for emphasis.
"Y/n, I know you haven't been on a mission with these two before but trust me, they're good. I can get your old crew for a different mission another time"
"No problem Issac, I can work with anyone"
"Great," Issac said before continuing, "When you return, we'll start drafting our plans to invade the Seraphites' Island, we can take the boats and see if we can defeat them on home territory."
Your gaze immediately darted to Abby, wondering what she thought of the news, but she only stared stubbornly ahead.
"Grab something to eat and then head out, take the truck, Manny."
"Alright, let's go guys"
Manny left, and you watched Abby leave as well, trailing behind them, sighing inwardly at the day ahead of you. Today's mission was gonna be a long one.
-
"The Seraphites have been growing bold lately"
Manny broke the silence, seemingly oblivious to the tension that lay between you and Abby.
The back of the truck was snug, Manny and Abby on one side, you on the other. Abby was looking anywhere but your face it seemed, and you sat there quietly, pretending like you weren't sneaking glances whenever you got the chance. After all, this was the closest you had been to her in years.
To be fair, you both equally avoided each other at base- she didn't want anything to do with you, so why would you bother with her?
"Yeah well they broke the treaty, if any of them are at Eastbrook we wipe the site and leave"
The air is chilly when you step out, you adjust your jacket and flip the safety off your gun.
"School looks deserted, but best if we just do a patrol of the site just to be sure. Abby, go with her, patrol the inside, I'll do a grounds check first"
Manny walks off, gun in hand, already entering an old school bus parked in front of the school.
"Come on" Abby says, and you follow her as she prys open the front door.
The interior of the school is a mess, the wallpaper of the walls peeling, desks pushed half hazardly into the hall. Sad shreds of streamers hang from the ceiling, every window smashed, the shards glistening on the floor.
You enter a classroom, pushing the door open with your gun.
Your eyes light up at the greenery inside, the schooldesks covered in a bed of moss, ivy hanging from holes in the ceiling.
"It's beautiful-" You say to yourself, bending down to pick up the remainders of the kids' drawings on the ground. You examine one, it's a picture of a house with what looks to be a horse-
"Can you stay focused? We're supposed to be looking for supplies"
Abby's voice cuts sharply through the silence, the only sound the rifling she's causing by searching through the desks.
You sigh and help her, retrieving a roll of bandages and a few packs of old batteries before moving onto the next room.
Abby finds the cafeteria at the end of the hall, and the old shelves of the cafeteria pantry prove to be quite sparse, with nothing but some old bean cans that Abby takes anyway. She's still acting like you don't exist, so you've got a whole lot of time to examine your surroundings.
You hear a creak while searching through the cupboards and pause, listening for footsteps.
"Do you mind moving a little quicker? Maybe your old patrol did things slower, but I'd like to get back to base sometime soo-"
"Shut up!" You whisper harshly, cutting her off.
Abby looks offended, finally training her gaze on yours, but your eyes dart away to the doors of the cafeteria.
"What?"
Abby asks, watching you.
You hear it again, a second creak. You push Abby up against the wall by the lapels of her jacket, her blue eyes wide with surprise. Her gaze darts down to your lips for a second before her arms come up to pull yours off.
"Woah y/n- what are you-"
A loud bang interrupts Abby's next words, the double wooden doors of the cafeteria slamming open as five Seraphites rush in.
"Seraphites!" You yell, dragging Abby down with you to avoid the gunfire.
Abby breaks out of your hold, punching the nearest Seraphite in the face as you shoot the second. The third Seraphite comes running at you, tackling you to the ground, slamming your wrist against the concrete floor. A sharp pain runs through your arm, and you watch as he kicks your gun out of reach. You grapple on the floor together, kicking as he attempts to strangle you, worried about Abby- before a loud gunshot rings out and the Seraphite's body slumps over you.
Abby stands over you, one hand extended. You take it.
The other two Seraphites lay dead on the ground, bodies riddled with bullets. You brush yourself off, but the ache in your arm is making itself more evident.
"Thanks"
Abby hands you your gun but her brows furrow at the way you cradle your left arm gingerly.
"Are you okay?" She asks.
You feign nonchalance as best you can.
"Yeah.. but my arm might not be"
Abby hesitates for a moment, but reaches out and examines your arm. Her touch is soft, a strange contrast to the stoic way she's been acting this whole mission.
"I think medical should check you out" Abby says, clearing her throat. "Come on we should head back to the truck."
Abby steps back and pushes open the doors. You follow her out.
-
Medical let you go with a brace for the minor fraction on your left arm. You felt miserable, first mission back in the field and injured- you wouldn't be cleared to go on another for at least another few weeks.
You sat slumped against a bookshelf in the library, half hazardly reading "City of Thieves" by David Benioff, ignoring the dull ache in your arm. You'd been doing this for at least a week now, hiding out from prying eyes.
"Y/n?"
Your eyebrows raised at the sound of Abby's voice, and even further when she came over, standing awkwardly in front of you.
"How's your arm?"
Abby asked, shifting her weight from foot to foot.
"It's fine, I guess," You replied. "Just reading to pass the time. Medical ordered I "take it easy" for the next two weeks." You rolled your eyes at the last part. The corners of Abby's mouth twitched, as if she was holding back a smile, but you were sure it was a trick of the light.
"That sucks.. what are you reading?"
Much to your surprise, Abby sat down next to you, one muscular arm reaching over your lap to grab your book.
"Hey, City of the Thieves? I'm reading this one right now- no spoilers"
She held up a finger in warning, and you smiled at her attempt to joke.
"Yeah, yeah" You waved her away.
A beat of silence stretches between you, and you work up the courage to break it.
"So.. what did you come here for? We both know it wasn't just to talk about books"
"I.." Abby looked at the floor, picking at the fabric below. "I wanted to apologize for what I said a few months ago.. and how I've been treating you ever since. I'm sorry"
Abby stops to look up at you, and you take the opportunity to study her. Her cheekbones are a little sharper. There's a healing cut across her cheek that hadn't been there before. Her rosy cheeks, full lips, and clear blue eyes- they're the same.
She's still your Abby, somewhere.
But the hurt you felt then, the lack of company you've had, the loneliness you've felt? It's also there, somewhere.
"Why'd you do it then?"
You ask, and Abby's eyes drop back to the floor. She's silent for so long you're sure she's going to just leave, but she answers.
"I thought I'd feel better after I found the guy who killed my dad in Jackson... but, I don't."
You inhale at her admission, eyes searching for hers as she meets your gaze. The softness she finds in yours prompt her to press on,
"I feel like nothing makes me happy anymore, I still wake up every night from reoccuring nightmares about him- and I've pushed a lot of people away because of how angry I feel. Angry that he's left me, angry that killing the one guy I trained for 4 years to fight to avenge him didn't make me feel better, angry that I've fucked up in every relationship with anyone I care about because of it-"
Abby runs her hands through her hair, smoothing down the stray strands of hair in her braid.
"Y/n, I pushed you away because I care about you. I was being fucking stupid back then- and every time after. I wanted to be near you so much but I felt like I didn't deserve it. I'm not a good person. You deserve someone better than me"
Abby hung her head and stood up, ready to accept whatever you had to say.
"That's up to me to decide Abs."
You said softly, and Abby looked up in surprise. She felt both shock and happiness when you hugged her, and for a second she stood still. Was she allowed to have this? To have you, even for a moment?
Abby hesitated for a moment, before burying her face in your hair, pressing you closer to her.
She never wanted to lose you again.
-
The next few weeks passed by in a blur, your arm healing up just fine. You and Abby spent a lot of time together- eating together in mess hall, going for walks around the crop fields- she helped keep your mind off the itch you felt to get back out.
Lately though, Abby had been acting a little strange, spending more time in the gym, off walking Alice or talking to Manny more than she usually did. You assumed it was nothing though, after all, what else could it be?
"Did you hear? Issac's gonna do a large-scale attack on the Seraphites Island, Manny and Abby got instructed to lead the assault with their chosen squads."
You overhear Nora talking to Mel on your way to mess hall, and your eyebrows furrow. You remember Issac talking about invading the Seraphites back when, but Abby hasn't mentioned it to you at all. Before you have more time to think about it further, Abby arrives and hands you a still warm burrito.
"Hey y/n, brought you breakfast"
Abby smiles at you, and you smile back despite the worry at the back of your mind. She would tell you, wouldn't she?
"Wanna go for a walk?" Abby asks, but you shake your head. You're due for a visit to Medical- you hadn't been needing your arm brace and was sure that with a medical note Issac would dispatch you to assignments again.
The Medical Bay turned out to be quite empty, so you're out with the note clutched in your hand in no time.
You head up to Issac's, past the cells holding Seraphites, and knocked politely on the interrogation door. Issac emerged a dew seconds later.
"Y/n? Oh, a medical note"
While Issac read, you inquired about the rumor you'd heard at breakfast, trying your best to seem casual.
"Abby and Manny are leading the squads in the assault on Seraphites Island right? Would I be able to join them?"
Issac looked surprised,
"You'd have to ask them, they get first pick of who they'd like, then I'll form the rest of the squadrons. Why don't you talk to Abby? I'm surprised she didn't ask you already, I told her about it weeks ago."
Issac's words ring in your ears as you make your way down to Abby's room. You knock on her door for a second before you burst in.
Abby's shirt is off, her dark grey tank laid out on the bed. She's in the middle of drying her wet hair when she sees you come in. You can't help but stare- at her abs, at her white bra, at her unbuttoned dark green cargo pants- and ignore the flutter in your stomach.
You wrench your gaze away.
"Y/n?! What's wrong?"
Abby moves towards you, but you put a hand out. Her cheeks flush when she realizes what she's wearing, or the lack thereof, and bends down to grab her shirt.
"I got cleared from Medical! And uh.. Issac told me you and Manny are leading squads for the invasion against the Seraphites?"
You say, addressing the ceiling.
"Oh.." Abby says, trailing off. She slips on her tank top, stalling.
"I.. I only just found out," Abby lies, "I haven't decided who I want for the squadron yet-"
"You just found out?" You say, angry at her blatant lie. "Don't lie, I know Issac asked you weeks ago"
Abby's tone is defensive,
"Did you ask him behind my back?"
"When were you planning to tell me?" You shoot back, "Were you planning to tell me?"
Abby backtracks at your words, rambling. Her hands raise, like she's guilty of a crime.
"I was- I swear I was, I would have asked you to be on the squadron but your arm was still healing and-"
"Why didn't you just tell me? Forget picking me to be on your squadron, I don't care about that- were you just gonna leave and not tell me? Let me wonder if you fucking died or not?"
Abby's eyebrows raise in alarm, realizing her misstep at identifying what was making you so upset. She sits down, wiping her sweaty hands on her cargos.
"No- y/n, I promise I would have told you, I just didn't want to ruin the peace we were building- and honestly I'm sure I'll be fine, I've done tons of patrols-"
You shake your head-
"Be honest. This is just another way of pushing me away, isn't it? Have you been having nightmares again? Why can't you just be honest with me, what's going on?"
Abby's face breaks, the flicker of conflicting emotions clear to you for a moment. She warrs against touching you, but loses the internal battle. She pulls you closer to her position sitting on the edge of the bed, hands caressing the back of your thighs, unsure of if it's reassuring you or her.
"The nightmares... they never stopped." Abby takes a breath before continuing, "And.. Owen's missing, his patrol partner Danny was found dead," Abby explains, "I keep pushing you away because it hurts that I might lose you. What if Owen's dead? What if that was you next? I don't want to lose you."
Your eyes soften at her words,
"Abs, I'm sure Issac's got people out looking for Owen... and you won't lose me. I may not be as seasoned as you are, but I held my own just fine at the Seraphite outpost for months. Besides, if I go with you, you'll be there to watch my back."
You reach out and cradle her face, stepping a little closer, now stood directly between her legs.
Abby hugged you around the waist, hiding her face in your sweater, voice a little muffled.
"Issac said Owen is a traitor- that he killed Danny to protect.. a Seraphite. I told him it wasn't true, that there was no way he'd do that, that if I could just look for him I'd bring him back- but Issac refused. He wouldn't let me look for him."
Abby looks up at you, a mixture of grief and worry plain on her face. A stray tear rolls down her cheek and you brush it away.
"You're all I have left y/n." Abby whispers.
You crumble like putty in her hands, biting your plush lip as you look at her. Abby felt like she was going to explode.
This whole time, Abby's thought the way she felt about you was one-sided. Even when she was busy pretending to no longer care about you, even when she was staring straight head walking past you in the halls, even that damn school during your first mission together- a bit of her always longed for you.
She had tried to chalk it up to the fact she missed her best friend over the years, that she had a stupid girl crush in her teens, but these past few weeks only served to prove her wrong.
So, when you lean into her, Abby can't resist. She feels like she's lost everything- her dad, Owen- and you're all she has left. Can anyone blame her for acting on what she wants, just once?
Abby pulls you into her lap just as your lips crash into hers, both of you reaching for the other.
Butterflies flutter in your stomach as you kiss Abby, her large hands gently pressing you closer at the small of your back, and your hands tangle in her hair.
You can't get enough of her, hands pulling up her shirt, running your fingertips over her midriff as she shivers at your touch.
"Y/n? We don't have to do anything if you don't want to-"
You cut Abby off with a firm kiss as you push her over.
"Abs, I want to. I want you"
Abby grins at your words, and pulls you down into her for another kiss. Her hands guide your hips as you grind down on her, moaning into her mouth.
Abby thinks this is the closest she'll get to heaven, and flips you both over, her body pressed up against yours.
"I'm glad- I've wanted you for so long" Abby says, kissing down your neck, moving your shirt aside for easier access. You moan as she leaves hickies on your chest, her hands already undoing your pants, fingers dipping down into you.
"Oh baby, you're so wet for me"
Abby's voice is huskier than you've ever heard it, and you feel yourself get even wetter at her words. She rubs your clit with her thumb as she slips two fingers in, fucking you at a quick pace.
"Abs-" You choke out, hands reaching for her.
Abby smiles, love clear on her face.
"You sound so pretty y/n"
You pull at Abby's hair and she sucks at your nipples as she fucks you. You're sure there will be hickies all your neck come tomorrow.
"Fuck, Abs I'm gonna-"
"Come for me"
You come, shaking in her arms. Abby sucks her fingers clean, grinning at the brilliant shade of red you turn in response. You pull her in for another kiss before murmuring,
"Your turn"
Abby sheds her cargos, climbing back onto the bed. You slide your fingers through her wet folds, eliciting a sigh from her as you sink two fingers in, curling them to hit her gspot. You're maintaining a regular pace when Abby speaks up,
"That feels so good- but can you add another?"
You blink, but smirk as you obey her request. You speed up your pace, three fingers disappearing in her dripping cunt quickly, Abby's whimpers growing louder with every thrust.
"Fuck- y/n, I'm gonna come-"
Abby whimpers as she comes, growing tight around your fingers as she grips the headboard above your head.
You smile at her, sucking your fingers as payback for her earlier stunt, and she just laughs, rich and warm.
"I'm glad we both feel the same way about each other" Abby says, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.
"I think we always have" You admit, hands cradling her face before drawing her in for another kiss. Abby's eyes are relaxed, her grin wide. You continue, smiling softly-
"You won't lose me, Abs. You never have, and you never will."
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