#touch-repulsed

[former-clarixe-blog]

I've always had troubles with what seems to be called sensual attraction. I've always been disgusted by the idea of having to kiss people on the cheek to say hello (French people like me are culturally required to do so), hugging,... In fact, when I see people, I never want to touch them. I've read a bit about it and perhaps it's due to the fact that I am neurodivergent.

But no matter the cause, it's still very confusing, because there are some (very rare) people, to whom I feel very emotionally close, and with whom I sometimes imagine myself hugging. It feels very weird, because I can't know for sure if I would want/appreciate this for real, when they are right in front of me. So I've never tried, and I don't know if I would like to. Perhaps that's because my family got me used to forcing myself to reciprocate their physical affection I did not like, which makes me very reluctant to even think about it when I am with other people.

So... Are there people on the asensual spectrum here? Am I one of them? Is there a label which applies to me? Do you happen to have any pieces of advice for me? Thanks ^^

[rjalker]

A new pride flag:

TAIN - The Answer is No.

There's two versions since I couldn't decide which one I liked better.

This flag is for people who are any flavor/level of all of the following:

agender*

aromantic

asexual

aplatonic

touch-repulsed

sex-repulsed

romance-repulsed

use it/its pronouns (you don't have to exclusively use it/its)

don't want a QPR (I'm not sure if there's a specific term to describe this, platonic-repulsed feels too broad)

(*if you identify with xenogenders, but find that agender is the best way for you to communicate your gender to most (usually cis, lol) people, you can use this)

Pretty much as long as you use it/its pronouns and just do not experience any attraction and do not want to be in any comitted/long-term/special relationship, this flag is for you.

It pretty much encapsulates what I mean when I say "I'm a fucking hermit, just leave me alone".

TAIN - The Answer is No.

And I guess people who identify with this term can call themselves tainic. It doesn't always have to be capitalized.

[ID: Two versions of a pride flag. The first has five stripes, the second has six. The stripes are in order from top to bottom: black, dark grey, light grey, white, and pale orange. The second flag is the same as the first, but with an extra dark orange stripe under the pale orange one. End ID.]

I designed this after taking sleeping medicine so I really cant' remember what the colors mean, though I do remember that they definitely mean something...

This flag can be used for whatever you'd use a pride flag for. Art, icons, headers, moodboards, redbubble designs, whatever.

If you like this concept but don't check all the boxes for this flag, you're welcome to create less specific versions. I would recommend changing the orange stripes to other colors, and keeping the black grey and white, but you can do whatever you want, it's not a requirement.

[loveandscience]

me, mostly touch-repulsed: You know how words of affirmation are my love language? Touch is my hate language. It’s how I feel hated.

[rjalker]

Some important additions to this post because people in this fandom fucking suck.

[ID: Six pictures of Murderbot from the cover of All Systems Red, in front of different pride flags. Murderbot is shown from the chest upward, wearing grey armour, with a helmet that hides its face behind a dark visor like a spacesuit. Each has the word "Oh," in the top left corner, and "Fuck you" at the bottom, with text in the right upper corner completing the sentence. The first has Murderbot in front of the it/its pride flag and reads, "Oh, you insist on misgendering me 'to be respectful'? Fuck you.".

The second has the touch-repulsed flag, with stripes of orange, red, black, red, and orange, and says, "Oh, you erase the fact that I'm touch-repulsed? Fuck you.".

The third is a combination of the sex-repulsed and romance-repulsed flags, with a very dark grey center, a vertical purple stripe on the left, a vertical green stripe on the right, and inside each stripe a dark grey circle with a white minus symbol inside it. Each stripe is separated from the grey by a white line. It reads, "Oh, you erase my repulsion towards sex, romance, and any other form of relationship? Fuck you.".

The fourth is the aroace flag, with stripes of orange, yellow, white, light blue, and navy blue, and reads, "Oh, you erase the fact that I feel neither romantic nor sexual attraction? Fuck you.".

The fifth is the "you are looking away" flag, with stripes of dark purple, black, grey, and desaturated green, and reads, "Oh, you ship me with other characters? Fuck you.".

End ID.]

Free fucking memes for everyone to use as reactions when they come across assholes erasing Murderbot's identity for the sake of fucking shipping.

If you haven't seen anyone doing these things, I hope for your sake it stays that way.

Here's a blank one so you can make your own as long as you aren't doing any of this fucking shit.

[ID: The same style of image as above, now with a plan pink background. End ID.]

[rjalker]

it's so fucking annoying because "touch averse" or "touch repulsed" should fucking be enough but noooooooooooooooooo we need a specific term that means "does not get touch starved and has literally zero desire to be touched ever" just so we can find shit that's not invalidating and still fucking perpetuating the idea that everyone /must/ desire physical affection even if they don't want to enact it -.-

Feel free to fucking suggest ideas, I literally can't think of anything, because "touch averse" or "touch repulsed" should fucking cover it but it apparently doesn't. It's so fucking annoying.

Update:

I am coining the term "solitaremit", which is a combination of "solitary" and "hermit" because it's easy to remember and straight to the point, and doesn't exist anywhere else on the internet, so it can't be mixed up with anything else.

also the term "gregariable" which is a combination of "gregarious" and "sociable" for people who do experience touch starvation, whether or not they're touch amiable or averse. Also does not yet exist on the internet, so it can't be confused for anything else.

Solitaremit works as an adjective the same way as touch averse/touch repulsed do. IE: "It is solitaremit, it doesn't like being touched and doesn't get touch starved".

Same with gregariable. "They are gregariable, they get touch starved." "I am touch averse and gregariable, I don't like being touched, but I still get touch starved"

Solitaremity would be used to describe the thing...I can't think of the grammar word. "most of the stress 'caused by' solitaremity is caused by gregariable people refusing to respect solitaremit people's boundaries or existence."

I will be editing tags related to solitaremity into all my posts about touch aversion to help put shit in the tags to start with.

I have no doubt these terms will be shortened or made easier as time goes on, that's perfectly fine, this is just something to give us a fucking foundation to at least stand on.

The tags I'll be editing in are as follows if you'd like to copy and past them.

#solitaremit, #actuallysolitaremit, #actually solitaremit, #solitaremitiy,

[rjalker]

[ID: The "Is this a pigeon?" Meme, edited s that the person is labeled, "Assholes in the Murderbot fandom".

They are pointing at a butterfly that is labeled, "Murderbot, who is explicitly aroace, romance-repulsed, sex-repulsed, touch-repulsed, and also aplatonic".

They are asking, "Is this free shipping material? I'm going to erase every aspect of Murderbot's personality that gets in the way of shipping :) Because fuck aroace people and fuck touch-repulsed people :) :)".

End ID.]

Dear Murderbot fandom, especially the people who have decided to ship Murderbot with Gurathin and erase literally everything that makes Murderbot Murderbot because those traits get in the way of shipping:

Fuck you.

Aroace characters do not exist to be your shipping material. Especially not aroace characters like Murderbot who are explicitly romance, sex, and touch repulsed. And considering Murderbot's absolute revulsion to the word "relationship", no, you do not get to fucking pretend you're shipping it queerplatonically while you're also literally erasing its touch-repulsion to pretend it actually really enjoys being touched, it was just shy before -.-

Are you fuckers aware that touch-repulsed people actually fucking exist? That aroace people who literally want absolutely nothing to do with romance and sex and relationships of any kind literally fucking exist?

How the fuck do you people get handed a book series that as a fucking miracle actually treats touch-repulsed people with absolute respect, and then turn around and decide you're gonna fucking erase it anyways????

If you aren't aroace AND sex-repulsed AND romance-repulsed you have NO fucking business even thinking about shipping Murderbot with anyone, no, not even queerplatonically.

If you are not fucking touch-repulsed you have NO fucking business writing about Murderbot being touched.

I swear to fuck, people. These books actually do some things perfectly right, and you all still have to make asses of yourselves by erasing anything that doesn't lend itself perfectly to fucking shipping.

If you only care about shipping, then fucking pick literally any character besides Murderbot to write shipping shit about.

Leave Murderbot alone. Leaves aroace people alone. Leave romance and sex-repulsed people alone. Leave touch-repulsed people alone.

People like Murderbot have almost zero fucking representation. Murderbot is literally the FIRST character I have EVER seen with any of these qualities where any of them are treated with fucking respect instead of being treated like a joke used to torment them.

You do not fucking get to take that away or erase it just because you assholes can't interact with any media without shipping something.

If you erase Murderbot's aroaceness, it's sex and romance repulsion, its touch-replusion, its aplatonicism, you are amisic and ableist.

Literally fuck you.

[rjalker]

anyways new word because "ableism" is too broad.

July 21st, 2022, for posterity.

athiktomisia:

A term for the bigotry perpetuated against people who are touch-averse.

From the Greek word athikto, which according to google translate means, "intact, untouched, untouchable, unscathed, intangible, inviolate" ect. There does not seem to be a direct translation for the word "untouchable" so close e-fucking-nough.

So yeah.

Bigotry against people who are touch-averse is ableism broadly, and more specifically can be called athiktomisia.

Please use "athiktomisia" rather than "athiktophobia", because treating phobias like they're bigotry is ableist.

Have at it.

I'll be retroactively editing any relevant posts to use this term so they're more specific, so don't be confused if you see it appearing in posts made before this one.

Please consider signal boosting even if you aren't touch-averse :)

[candycoatedemoboy]

so i guess concerning my touch-starved/touch-repulsed self my hypersensitivity extends very much physically as well.

like, reading fanfiction about my favourite characters that goes past what i’ve mentioned i begin to...lose interest and start feeling uncomfortable (to a degree, the idea of it is certainly off-limits - it’s just not something i try and achieve though). it feels more natural knowing i prefer just doing this. there’s already so many feelings going on at once, so much buzzing in my head and what feels like static electricity on my skin - it’s the kind of intimacy i now realise i’ve been dreaming of.