#trauma holders

[system-comforts]

Sending lots of love and kindness to system members who have common triggers. You deserve to live peacefully and with a sense of safety, and I'm so sorry you often can't find that. It's horribly unfair. Please know you are doing an amazing job, that you are seen and appreciated and loved.

[unwelcome-ozian]

[thewolfatno9]

After The Storm

[system-of-a-feather]

Is it really final fusion if there are parts that you're still keeping separate and disowning from yourself? These parts deserve to feel like they have a right to exist, that healing is possible for them and that they are not a lost cause. It isn't fair to call yourself final fused when these parts are being excluded from your recovery. Repressing trauma is not healthy and it isn't sustainable to do that forever. It would be healthy if you worked with them, held compassion for them, and helped work through their trauma beliefs with them. Sometimes to heal you need to be disregulated sometimes, because you're letting yourself finally feel the feelings, and they've been kept away for so long, naturally it will cause disfunction for a while.

Bro, you are assuming an awful lot off of an awful little combined with a lot of poor interpretations of that post. I also find it a bit rude and crossing some boundaries for you to be 1) telling me how my vulnerable parts feel 2) telling me that I dont know what >I< feel and 3) telling me how my vulnerable parts - both when they are operating seperate from me and fused with me - should be treated.

If you think you aren't doing that and are not encroaching on territory you don't know about (ie my trauma, my system, my recovery and my healing) then please, tell me the details about my vulnerable trauma holders that you seem to know more about than I do, because man, between being literally them and living 24/7 with them and talking with them for my entire life, I really thought I'd know them better than a random anonymous stranger online. Go figure. You learn new things every day.

Putting aside the honestly disrespectful breach of boundaries under the assumption its well intended, I will continue the rest of this post assuming you asked me about how the post on how we handle our vulnerable parts relate to our fusion rather than assuming and judging because I honestly think the question I am giving you the benefit of the doubt and assuming you MEANT is actually a really interesting one! Because it can be totally confusing how our system that does not actively engage and actively interact and actively force our trauma holders to go through trauma processing could POSSIBLY fuse with them.

(Actually I have to comment on a few points of confusion and disclaimer on this before I can fully just move onto the next topic in case there is some really strange miss understanding or reading comprehension issue that might make the interesting part of this response confusing if not addressed)

---

Confusion and Clarity Section:

To remove any potential confusion, I'd first like to state that it is "really" final fusion because they're literally me, I know what they feel, I know what they think and I know what they've been through. I can only write the post about how we used to handle things and how we operate now AND speak for those parts because I AM them like, genuinely and fully. Not even "technically them" I deadass AM them, so please don't assume I can't speak for myself and my own trauma and recovery. I know myself and my needs.

There isn't really a debate whether or not we are "finally fused" or what aspects of our life determine "final fusion" other than, you know *checks notes* the fact we literally operate like 75% or more of the time as a complete solid whole with little to no dissociation and honestly even these days, no disconnect between our identity beyond a general and standard IFS way of navigating complicated feelings.

Clearing up that odd comment on "really final fusion", I'm pretty sure you are referring to this post? And if so, I think you missed the part where we have always stated they are absolutely welcome to engage and hang out and we don't "lock them up" or repress them in any way or form.

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Final Fusion & Our Sleepy "Dragons" / Trauma Holders

The post in reference discusses some of how a lot of our heaviest trauma holders and parts that have been extremely disconnected and dissociated from life for years actually don't regularly spend a lot of time near the front and our system / whole has STRONG rules against EVER forcing those parts to "recover" or process their trauma or "engage in the real world and life and exist" if they don't want to.

It's a concept our system didn't really understand and used to REGULARLY do the opposite of because of good intent and good will "these parts deserve to live and exist and they deserve to heal and be better and so they need to heal from their trauma or they will be forever suffering and they deserve better" and its something we spent over a year learning from one specific part in our system - a major trauma holder - that it is far far more HARMFUL than helpful and that A LOT of that good intent / good will interest in making parts heal came from a lot of 1) projection of me wanting to be perfectly healed right now and projecting that need for healing onto other parts and 2) very trauma-unresponsive, inconsiderate, and not respecting either the autonomy, individuality, or ability for those parts to speak for themselves and their own needs.

Trauma informed care, both internally or with other people, is built on a principle of respecting the traumatized individual and ACTIVELY listening to what THEY are saying and what THEY need and what THEY are experiencing. Often trying to push your ideals, your agenda, your recovery schedule and pacing and trying to push an individual to heal faster than they are ready, serves in small amounts of reinforce the idea that the traumatized individual can not make their own decisions, they do not know how they feel, they do not know whats best for them, they shouldn't have a say in how they are treated, and that they have to conform to another person's standards and heal correctly.

I would LOVE for those parts to come sit with us and talk with us for hours upon hours about trauma. I would LOVE fro them to cry and throw things and be in crisis. We actually get slightly excited whenever those parts are around and in crisis because it gives us an opportunity to support them, show them some coping skills, and help them learn that life is actually pretty okay. Some of our best and most happiest moments (on both sides) have been in those post-crisis where those parts have, for the first time in their entire life, EVER felt ANY support from ANYTHING or ANYONE and those moments are so warm, healing, and impactful on both the supporting and the supported end.

That being said, while our whole and our supporting parts would LOVE to be able to speed run those moments until those parts are completely comfortable existing immediately, that would require us to ACTIVELY make them suffer, feel pain, and relive their trauma when they otherwise would not have to.

These parts have COMMUNICATED to us, when they were more stable and when they were not, that they >do not< want to regularly be around the front and out because everything as it is is too much for them. They have actively asked us to let them rest and have extended periods of calm and peaceful sleeping when things are good so that they can have a break from chronic suffering.

Yes, if we dragged them out, made them process trauma, made them look it straight on, made them dysregulated, eventually they'll "get over it" and "get used to it", but that is only after EXCESSIVE pain as those parts are EXTREMELY prone to being thrown into deep and intense flashbacks. We COULD quickly desensitize them and get them used to life, but the quick method is honest to god cruel, inconsiderate, trauma-unresponsive, and arguably traumatizing to those parts.

Instead, we listen to what those parts have communicated and meet them where they are at in their recovery. Those parts have told us that they are in *peaceful* sleep when they are not triggered and that sleep / distance actually helps them process the sheer amount of stimuli and information that is required for them to regain some stability.

Of course, sometimes triggers come in our life that forcibly wake them up and they get thrown into flashbacks and thats okay! Not ideal, not fun, and I feel bad for them but its okay! Because while they are suffering deeply, they are also surrounded with SO many parts that are actively and intently here to support them, help them, show them the world, and help them develop an understanding for the present and coping mechanisms that are healthy.

And usually after we have helped calm them down, showed them around life and given them some time to enjoy and appreciate existence, they - in a good mood that is now regulated and calm - actively ask to go back to sleep because they are 1) tired and 2) have a lot of new things to process and anything more would be overloading.

And so we have parts - specifically Lin - who is good at holding the front and keeping them company while they fall back to sleep, much like a parent reading a kid a bed time story. It's a very healing and very helpful and trauma informed way of approaching, supporting method that respects the communication and feelings of the individual parts and minimizes the amount of unnecessary stress, triggering, and flashbacks for those parts.

And thats all when we operate as independent parts - which we mostly do when those parts need support because its easier for us to give them focused support when operating as independent parts than as a fused whole as it can be hard to utelize our coping skills as a fused whole when they're triggered. (Think of it like using IFS framework, but instead of parent part and inner child, they just have actual names)

As a whole, I don't "stop being those parts" or exclude them, I am still them and their traits are integrated into the whole. As a fused whole those parts can actually exist and engage in the world A LOT easier than as individual parts because they themselves don't have to be over active and the predominant part of the brain while the trauma they hold can really just remain sleeping in the back. As a fused whole they aren't "trauma holders that are sleeping" they are Feathers and their trauma that they held remains sleeping.

And as a fused whole, I don't think I have to be chronically experiencing and processing my trauma to be me, to be happy, or to be present. My trauma isn't my identity and I am not any less "existing" by not chronically living in my trauma.

As a fused whole I'm literally just Feathers. I got "brains" because I know where certain thoughts and feelings would have come from as individual parts, but like... I'm Feathers. I'm literally just fucking Feathers XD And I literally am those vulnerable trauma holding parts as well. And thank you for your concern, but as those vulnerable trauma holding parts, we're fine and honestly enjoying our life the way it is man.

If you are really that concerned about us, please check to make sure you aren't projecting your own struggles because if you are, please take care of your trauma holders and give them lots of love, support, patience and understanding and please don't rush them to heal faster than they need to.

(the pink is very much explicitly from an Evaline brain which is one of those heavily traumatized vulnerable parts; I am explicitly calling that part of this out because I am genuinely very fucking proud and surprised any of them actually wanted to voice anything for themselves and I am gonna reinforce that cause its awesome and I love that for them)

[endo-memes]

masking outside: haha yeah i just have a lot of mood swings and rapidly cycle between interests

whats actually going on inside: there are three co-hosts all trying to front at once, this one fictive keeps getting front stuck for no reason, trauma holders are playing hot potato with the front,

[furiousgoldfish]

why are alters always so secretive and dramatic. i ask my alter to tell me what memories they have that I don’t and they glare at me as if I just attempted to stab them. and then they retreat to their dome specially built for them like some kind of villain lair. like i get it you’re cooler than me

[chaotic-stack-o-pancakes]

the very moment i realized i was a trauma holder, i dropped everything and made this:

-Ever, they/them

[justadevincassie]

I have a brother!

We will share the account!

^his faceclaim