Bob’s lips were on John’s before he could even register what was happening.
“Hi.” Bob giggled when John pushed him off lightly, trying not to deter him completely. He couldn’t help if Bob ran away immediately. He also couldn’t help when Bob was shoving his hands down John’s pants. “You can fuck me now. I’m wearing a plug.”
“Wait, wait a second.” John set his hands on Bob’s cheeks, tilting his face upward just enough to see his eyes shine in the light from his ceiling. “Let me look at you first.”
At his flushed pink cheeks and bloodshot eyes and the way he couldn’t stop blinking and twitching just enough to notice. John brushed Bob’s hair behind his ears and took a deep breath. He had to keep his tone calm if he wanted any chance of Bob answering.
“What did you use?” Bob made a face and shook his head, but then he sniffed and brushed a hand under his nose. John’s gaze flickered to his nostrils, searching for any sign of residue. “Bob, listen. I am not mad. I just want to help but I can’t help if I don’t know what you used.”
“Nothing, I didn’t— I didn’t use anything,” he snapped. It was clear from the look on his face that he was lying, that he knew he’d been caught. “Who cares, anyway? Just fuck me.”
John pushed Bob back when he tried to tug John’s pants down. “No. I’m not fucking you while you’re high.”
“I’m not fucking high.”
“Okay. I’ll go pick up an at-home drug test and if you pass, I’ll fuck you.”
“Fuck you.” Bob’s eyes twitched, gold shimmering across them. That was the last proof John needed. At the very least, he’d hit a sore spot with the suggestion. “I don’t understand why it even matters.”
“Because contrary to what people say, I’m not a total piece of shit.” But he did push the door shut when Bob flinched like he was going to leave. Not to trap him but to protect him from more drugs and whatever dicks he found on Grindr. “I’m not taking advantage of you while you’re high.”
“Why? I’m literally giving myself to you on a platter. I don’t care if you ‘take advantage of me.’ I don’t even care if you hurt me. Just fucking fuck me.”
The pang in John’s chest was strong enough that he quite literally wondered if his heart broke in two. How could someone as kind and as gentle as Bob believe that he deserved to be treated that way? How could he think John would ever agree to do that to him?
As suddenly as Bob kissed John in the first place, John wrapped his arms around Bob. He squeezed him tightly, protectively, breathing through the tears that shone in his own eyes. Bob deserved better than that. He deserved so much better than that.
“I’ll never hurt you,” said John. His lower lip trembled as he kissed Bob’s forehead, then pulled him close against his shoulder. “If you want someone to hurt you, don’t ever ask me. Ever. I’ll never fucking hurt you.”
Bob didn’t respond with words. He buried his face in John’s neck and let out a sob that broke John’s heart all over again.
